Real Change (Episode 2)

Through powerful personal transformation and authentic teenage perspective, this episode reveals how one young woman's journey from self-doubt to self-discovery demonstrates the life-changing impact of positive mentorship and belief in oneself.

This inspiring episode explores:

• Why unique ways of thinking are gifts, not flaws
• How small daily practices build lasting confidence
• The power of discovering and developing natural talents
• Building self-worth through guided self-reflection
• Why connecting with mentors and support systems matters
• Transforming perceived weaknesses into strengths
• Creating concrete plans for ambitious futures

Perfect for: Teens struggling with self-worth, parents and mentors seeking to uplift youth, young people questioning their path, and anyone interested in personal transformation. Plus: Essential insights about building confidence while honoring individual gifts.

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. Hello, and welcome. Today on today's show, we have teenage girl. Her name is Janiyah.

She's 17 out of Amsterdam, New York, and she's going into her senior year of high school this year. And we're gonna talk about her journey over the past six months because this girl has done a complete flip around over the past six months. We're gonna talk about that and how it happened. I am so proud of her. I met Janiyah, at a girl's teenage a girl's group that I used to hold, called Blossoms, and it was specifically, a group for teenage girls to just vent and talk about their issues and come up with solutions amongst each other.

And, that's where I met Janiyah. And that was the first time that she opened up to really anybody, and got to know her from there and, from there ended up coaching her. And and those of you who don't already know, I am a mind shift coach. So as a mind shift coach, I'm a specially niche life coach. And what that means is that I really focused on shifting your thinking.

Before I give you any tools or anything else, I focus on your patterns of thinking and have you say and do things that shift them around. Then we talk about goals and everything else, but I focus on shifting your thinking first. And I've done that with Janiyah. So I'm gonna let you let her tell you, there's her her story just over the past six months. So, Janiyah, how are you doing?

Good. Now I want you to tell the audience listening, how did you feel about yourself and your future about six months ago? Six months ago, honestly, I was a lost soul. I didn't know who I was. I always doubted myself thinking like, yeah.

No. I'm not gonna get this I'm not gonna get through school. I'm not gonna go to college. I'm too dumb for this. Because I also even got told that, you know, other people that I was slow, spilled what's wrong with me, and all those negative comments about other peep what other people have to say about me.

I end up believing it, but now it's different ever since I met miss Bae. Yes. And, honestly, y'all, she's understating it. I'm gonna re I'm gonna resummarize it, Janai. You could correct me if I'm wrong.

But you had very low self esteem. Yes. That's right. Yeah. You didn't know who you were.

No. You didn't know that you had any value. No. You didn't even know that you have gifts. No.

I did not. I did not. And all that was what bullshit. Right? Yes.

Straight up not true. But it it is it is where you were. Also six months ago, how did you see your future? Honestly, I see myself as a teacher. I thought I was gonna be a teacher, but now, I'm not because I realized that I'm not born to be a teacher.

I'm actually born to be a family lawyer. She jumped right to it. So so six months ago, you you mentioned earlier you had you didn't even think you were gonna finish school, much less go to multiple years of college. Yeah. You didn't know that you had gifts.

You didn't know who you were. And I'm saying all of that because I know there's people out there listening right now who are where you were. And so now that it's six months later and the truth is it's six months later right now, but it was really within four months that all of this happened. So how do you see yourself now, and how do you see your future now? Now I can see my future because I have a plan.

So now after high after high school, I'm going to come going to college, and then I'm a get my bachelor's in psychology. And then after that, I'm gonna look into be look into law school and do my three years of law school. And then after that, that's when my career starts, and that's just how I see myself as now. Now you couldn't have said that six months ago. I couldn't.

I couldn't. Like, I I I really could not because, old me, like, right now, would've been like, what? You really doing this? Really? You're you're going to college for four years getting your bachelor's.

You're gonna be a lawyer. What? Are you serious? I and I understand that. How do you see yourself now?

Now you said before you thought you were, essentially stupid. Now You didn't have any value. How do you see yourself now? Now it's like I notice, and not even I learned about myself that I have a lot like, I have a lot to value, and I'm, like, really, really, really smart. I'm not book smart, but when it comes to, like, you know, life and, like, social stuff, like like social social things.

I'm very, very smart at that because when I was talking to miss Faye, and she's just saying, like, so what are you good at? Like, oh, she's like, what are you good at? Like, what are like, what do you like to do? And, like, she just asked me lots of questions, and I'm like, why is this woman asking me this? I don't know what's good about me.

Like, I'm just here. Like, I'm just here in this I'm here in this Earth. I don't I don't have no value. Like, I don't know nothing about myself. And then the more I was talking to her, she was like, you see things what other people don't see.

And then I didn't even notice that. So I'm like when I didn't know who I was, I was using special gifts, like, every day, like, every day, and I did not realize that was a special gift until I met miss Pei. So I wanna I wanna talk about that a little bit. And what Janae is talking about is that she was always put down for her way of thinking. She doesn't think like the average person her peers around her.

To be honest with you, she thinks a lot more like an adult, than some adults I know. I'm just being real. And I've shared that with her eventually, but her way Janiah's way of thinking is different than her peers. And what I was able to show her is that her way of thinking is actually a gift. Not a curse, not something to be put down, but a huge blessing that the rest of us need.

Because people like her, they're the ones they're the innovators, they're the ones that blaze pathways for the rest of us. But the problem is that there's more people like her who are not blazing pathways because they're still sitting there believing that they're stupid and not worth anything. And to that, I say that's just not true. So tell us a little bit more about okay. You went from within six months feeling like you're nothing to knowing that you're something and knowing that you have gifts.

How did you find out that besides me just telling you that your your way of thinking is a gift, how did you discover some of your your your other gifts, some of your talents, some of the good things about yourself? So, basically, once you gave me that little push, because you didn't because, like, you knew all the things about me, but you wanted me to figure out what I wanted me. Yes. You wanted me, like, uh-uh. You're gonna figure this out.

Mhmm. So when I so, like, another thing I another thing that I noticed I was a special skill was I talked to myself. And how I figured that out was I'm like, okay. Miss Bay said that I see things with miss Bay said that I see things what other people don't see. So, like, what else?

Like, what else? What else? And I'm saying, what else? What else? What else?

I'm talking. I'm like, holy holy crap. I'm talking to myself right now. That's a special gift. So then I'm like, oh, my God.

I talk to myself all the time. Like, is this weird? Is this a good thing? Bad thing? And I'm like, no.

It's it's not. It's it's really not. And then I'm like, okay. What else? Like, what else I do?

I noticed that I, like explaining things to people. And I'm like, oh, my God. Why do I like to talk a lot? Why do I like to explain a lot of stuff? And then the more I started picking out stuff about me, I started to get into it more and more and more.

And also I like to argue a lot, and I will not stop an argument until I get an answer. I can ask someone the same question. I'm like, okay. Let me ask them the same question. I'm a switch it up.

Jeez. I'm a like a lawyer. If that don't work, I'm gonna switch it up again until I get an answer. And I I thought I was annoying, but no. That that that's a gift.

So Now I wanna stop you right there because I wanna talk to again, to the audience because I know that there are millions of Janayas out there right now who are listening, and you may be listening to this a year or two after this is being recorded, but you're you're still where she was. Your gifts are not annoying. They might annoy people who don't understand them, But some of those things that are just seem natural about you, they're probably undiscovered gifts that you just haven't mastered yet. And maybe everybody's telling you, stop always arguing. Stop talking so much.

Shut up. Don't nobody wanna hear out on questions. Shut the hell up. And some of you hear people talking to you like that. Right?

Yeah. All the time. That's because they don't understand what you have. So some of those things that you're seeing bad about yourself, this does not apply to everybody everywhere and about everything, but it does apply to many. Some of those things that you see as bad about yourself are might be, in fact, beautiful gifts that the rest of us need.

Now Janiyah is telling you that she was able to see that these things that people were putting her down about were in fact valuable assets that she owns, that God put there, that she was created with. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, all the time.

Did I give you to help you discover that? What helped me so the first assignment will actually help me, like, discover, wait, like, to to to discover who I am? Yeah. Well, let me back up to the other assignment that I gave you. What's the very first thing I had to do?

The very first day of blossoms that was all weird that I had to do many? So this was pretty weird, but I got used to it. So she gave me lotion, and she said Homemade lotion. I made it myself. Go ahead.

Yeah. Lotion. So she gave me lotion, and she was like, okay. I want you to I want you to take this lotion, rub it on yourself, and be like, I am beautiful. But then the second session, when I the second time I met the second time I was with her, sorry, she said, okay.

I want you to I want you to also say you are precious. So then I started to do it, do it, and do it. And I started to believe I actually started to believe in my mind, started to believe in now. I say, now I can say I'm precious without feeling weird. I can rub.

I can take lotion and rub it on my body and not feel weird about it at all. And it it works. So, you know, some of my family members think it's weird, but oh, well. So when I first when I first met you, when I first asked you to do that assignment, to rub motion on yourself and say these basically positive affirmations, but while doing the action of rubbing lotion, that was also scented. That was all intentional.

I'm very I paid a lot of attention to detail. And when you first did it, it was very weird. Right? I'm like, yeah. I'm like, oh, I am beautiful.

Why? Like, oh my god. This don't make sense at all. But it started making sense after a while. Yeah.

I got used to it. So it's like, you know what? Yeah. I'm precious. I'm beautiful.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And now you can't tell her otherwise. But then after you got used to, you know, rubbing your hand and rubbing lotion on your body or whatever and and saying these positive affirmations, what did I have you do next? I started having you do those affirmations, but in a different way.

Wait. Affirmations? Wait. Who did you start talking to? You?

No. The mirror. Oh, me. My best friend. I've been talking to my I talked to my I talked to her every every every day.

And I was, like, more closer with myself, and now it's like I talked to myself in the mirror. Sometimes, like, I don't see myself in reflection. I'm not gonna get into that. But, it it actually it actually works because when I first when I first, started to when I first started to look myself in the mirror and tell myself about all these positive things, it was weird just like how I just like how I started with the lotion. But after that, it's like, hey, you.

I'm talking to you again. How are you doing today? So much so that you gotta, like, stop her from talking to herself now. But I wanna I wanna mention a detail that that I gave you at the time, and that was I had you specifically to look in the mirror and talk to yourself, look it into your own eyes. That is that was very difficult at first, wasn't it?

It was weird because it was very difficult because I will always talk to myself always. But, like, talking to myself in the mirror was just very weird for me. Now it's like yeah. Yeah. Now it's nothing to me now.

And as you as you begin to talk to yourself in the mirror more and more, was it like the was it like the lotion? Did you begin to feel more comfortable with it? Yeah. It's say it's the same thing, but the difference is I'm just talking to myself, like, in the, in the mirror now. So And just so listeners know, I actually don't even remember what the first thing that I had you say in the mirror was because when I have people do this activity, I customize it.

So it's not always I don't always have give everybody the same thing. I give them whatever saying is effective for them. So, and I also let them come up with some on their own. But as she began to to talk to herself in the mirror, if you are a person with low self esteem, that can be very intimidating. And it it's very, very, very hard at first.

But after a while, she began to believe what she said. So if you notice, I took her from rubbing motion on her hand to look at it in the mirror. I didn't take take her straight to me or talk because that would have been too overwhelming. And sometimes when we're trying to progress and get better in a certain area of life, we can't just jump from a to z. We need to travel the alphabet.

You know? We need to go step by step or do little things at first. And sometimes we're discouraged because we might try to do something, and we didn't go from a to z because we don't realize we need to travel the alphabet. We need to, you know, go step by step. And you as you can hear with with Janiyah that that really worked, you know, for her.

But, in order for you to see that your way of thinking is actually a gift, there was another particular activity that I pushed you to do. What was it? There's there's a few. There's a one the one I'm looking for is when you started talking online. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. So I So one of the activities that she had me do was commenting. And if commenting because she wanted me to see she wanted me to see all the feedback that got. And she said, okay. What do people say?

Do you get bad feedback? Do you get good feedback? Like, whatever. So I did it what? From other people on the orders.

What what is it that you did that to get feedback from? Comment. Commenting and, like, using my thinking. And The audience doesn't know what you're talking about. That's why I'm asking.

Oh, so if I say that I see a so I was on TikTok. I TikTok is a is a is a good app to do it on. So I'm so I'm scrolling, scrolling, and if I see something and it had see something, I just comment on it. I just comment on it to give it to give my feedback. And and sometimes I'll get sometimes I'll get sometimes people will disagree with me or like me like what I'm saying.

Yeah. So I'm gonna tell you what she told me before. When I I gave her that activity so that she could see that her way of thinking was a gift. And I I I saw all this stuff from about her from day one, and she didn't believe me. And and I could see that.

She didn't believe that I saw value in her. She didn't believe that I saw a diamond in the rough. She didn't believe that she had gifts and talents and intelligence. She didn't believe any of that. So I could have just said, you do have it, and I could have just told her that she has it.

But none of that matters. It doesn't matter what we tell people. What matters is what they believe for themselves. Yeah. Because when I was commenting, I noticed, like, why is everyone saying the same thing?

Like, no. We should talk about this. Why is no one talking about this? Like, basically, I'm thinking deeper in the picture, and everyone is, like, somewhere else. And I'm, like, really, like, I'm really, like, really thinking.

Like, I'm seeing I'm worrying about other things what other people is not worried about. The way I would say it is the way Janiah thinks is she she connects the dots where other people just see dots. Yeah. And she's able to see the shape of what's on the page because she knows how to connect the dots and other people just see dots. That's a blessing because people like her are why we have the technology we have today.

People like her are why, court cases have have, been passed. People like her are why some of the laws we have have been passed. You know, some of the good things that we have is her way of thinking, you know, is is I needed her to see that for herself because I I can tell all of you that you're beautiful, you're strong, you're intelligent, you're blah blah blah, whatever your details are. None of that matters if you don't believe it for yourself. And sometimes you just need to do something to see that, wait a minute, I'm just not on the same level as everybody else.

I'm not it's not because you're you're you're dumb, but because you were thinking deeper. I would say most people are swimming in the shallow pool when she's over at the deep end doing backflips when it comes to when it comes to thought. Now one of the things that Janiyah is excellent at is giving analogies. So your sister one day asked you, who's this miss Bay to you? It's tell the audience what you explained to her who I am to you.

So I told her she's a a mind shifter coach, as she said. And she was like, like, what did she do? Like, what did she do for you? So I told her how, you know, I have all these self esteem problems, and I'm thinking something's wrong with me. But then, you know, she fixed that.

And there was times where I felt like there was after miss Faye told me that, there was times where I felt like I'm like, you know what? Yeah. I'm stupid. I'm slow. Blah blah blah.

And then and then she told me like, I told I talked to miss Bey about it. I'm like, miss Bey, I really think I'm slow. I really think I'm this. And she's like, no. You're not.

And she and then she, like, she reminds me of who I am. And what I can compare that to is, like, it's like riding a bike. And you know how when a little kid is trying to ride a bike for the first time, but, you know, and then they have the parent holding them to to to, to to to keep their balance. So then the parent let go. So then, you know, the kid is, like, you know, shaking a bit, but, you know, the kid's getting it.

He's getting it. But there were times where he felt. And then that's when the parent that's when the parent or whoever is teaching the kid the how to ride a bike, the parent will get the get their kid right back up, sit them down on a bike, hold them again, and, like, let them go. And after a while, the kid will ride will have after a while, the kid will end will end up learning how to ride the bike by itself, and that's what it was like for me. Yes.

And I thought and and I had Janiyah share that that, analogy with you because I just think it's a perfect analogy. But let me tell you, I'm really good in analogies. She like, sometimes she blows me away. I'm like, I need to write that down. So I keep telling her I'm a steal some of them.

She's just really, really good at at, really, really good at analogies. And that when she said that to me, I was like, wow, that really I was just floored when she said that. I'm like, that is a better analogy than anything I was thinking of, because as a coach, that that is that is what I wanna do. I part of the reason I started this podcast is what I've done with you, I want to do on a bigger scale for others. And if y'all listen long enough, I can.

But I want you to know the victories and the and the the beautiful things that you see with Janiyah and the changes that you see with Janiyah isn't because she it just isn't because just I'm an awesome coach. It's because it's teamwork. You know, I I'm a coach. I pushed her. I challenged her.

I asked her questions, made her think. I plant thought seeds, I encourage her. I do all of that, but none of that matters if she's not a if she's not willing to receive it at night. And, also, another reason why who I am today, because I also got my support from my go to a after school program that calls the Creative Connections Clubhouse and how it was like Yeah. Amsterdam, New York.

And they're awesome. Yes. They are. How it was like for me is like the the workers, they see how they see they see that I have they seen that I had value. So what they did was is, like, I was the seed, and it was the planters.

So they decided to, like, take the seed, put it in soil, but miss Bay came and watered me, and I, like, I grew. And that's that's how it was also like. I gotta comment on that. What what she's saying, what I wanna point out about what she just said is that, yes, I coached her. I'm there to encourage her.

I'm there to push her and and and and help her and all of that, but it's not just me alone. She had support outside of me, and that matters. We need the people around us to also be the encouragers. Because even though I was there to help, it wouldn't have been the same if if if the the wonderful people at the creative connection clubhouse didn't also encourage her. I pushed her.

They did a whole lot to encourage her and help her in in other ways. They helped her get her permit. They just they've, you know, they've been great. But you need people. In her case, it was people at Creative Connection Clubhouse.

In other people's cases, it might be family. It might be people at school. It might not be your family. It might be whoever's around you that can help you. It's important that if you're an adult listening, be that encouragement for a teenager.

You don't know what's going on in their head. They might be smiling at you and looking like, yeah. Okay. But on the inside, they might be feeling like a ball of crap. And your encouragement might make the difference on them coming out from that and and feeling better about themselves.

Now I wanna real quick talk about the fact that you decided that you want to be a family lawyer. Did I ever tell you that that's what your calling is? No. No. I let you discover it for yourself.

And the truth is Janiah is capable of a lot of other things besides just being a lawyer, but that's the one that she's most passionate about. She's capable of quite a few positions. But when you decided that, I I you know, family lawyer is specifically that's exactly what I wanna be, and now you're very stern about it. You're very serious about it. How did you arrive at that conclusion?

So, how I how I discovered I want to be a family lawyer because you gave me an assignment, and you told me was you told me whatever you wanted to do when you was, like, younger. That's that's why that is why you think if you that's why you think very differently, and that's why you, you you talk a lot and and, you explain a lot of stuff. So then one night, I'm sitting on a couch, and I'm like, what the hell did I wanted to do when I was, like, little? So I'm thinking about so I'm thinking about all the past things I wanted to do. So the only thing I could really thought of, I'm like, well, when I was little, I I said I wanted to be a gymnast at the Olympics.

And I'm like, but that has nothing to do with why I that has nothing to do on why I see things that other people don't see in my other special gifts. I'm like, what about an operator? I'm like, no. So then I'm like, so then I remembered when I was 14, I I wanted to be a lawyer. So I remembered I wanted to be a lawyer.

So then I'm like, holy crap. That is that is why I have that that is why I see all these that's why I see things what other people don't see. That is why I explain a lot of stuff. That's why I argue all the time because I'm born to be a lawyer. But then I'm like, okay.

Well, there's different types of lawyers. So which kind? So then I'm looking on Google to see what kind of lawyers. I'm seeing all these different types of lawyers, and I see family lawyer. And I'm looking at the positions on what they have to do, what's their job.

I'm like, oh my God, this is for me because I can help kids. I can also help kids because I wanna be that person. I wanna be that person what my younger self needed. And that's and that and that when I figured that out, that motivated me even more to go to school and go to college. And now I'm just more excited than ever.

And what is it that you're doing right now to prepare for college? Doing scholarships. Yes, y'all. She and why are you looking up scholarships? To help to, spend less money in college.

To not be in debt in college after. Yes. We're gonna do a whole another show on that. But, but that's something that I I had her really, really look into. And what else encouraged you to to stay on the path of looking, of seeking to be a a, family lawyer?

You had a conversation with somebody. Oh, I spoke to another. So miss Bay helped miss Bay, helped me helped me to try to find someone who was a family lawyer to, like, to make sure I really wanna do this. And then I then she found one, and then we spoke we spoke on the phone. And I'm like, aft so she's telling me what comes with being a lawyer, and she's just explaining it, telling me telling me the things, what you have to do, what she recommended.

And I'm like, yeah. This is this is really for me. And that's that day, that's how I knew. I'm like, yeah. I'm born I'm born to be a family lawyer.

I got this. So for those of you listening, I I I hope that you can get out of what she just said. I connected her with a family lawyer because I wanted her to be sure. I saw that she was making the right choice, but, again, it doesn't matter what I think because I'm not living her life she is. She has to be determined.

She has to to have the drive to do what she needs to do, not me. So I put her in connection with a lawyer so that she can make sure that this is really what the path that she wanted to go on. And once once she did, now her determination is even greater. And, our time is up. But, Janiyah, I just want to say, I am so so proud of you.

I know I've said this off the air, but I'm gonna say it on the air. I am so so so so proud of the person that that you're you've become and who you are becoming because you own you've only just begun. Yeah. And thank you for coming on the show, and you guys are gonna hear a lot from a lot more from Janiyah because she'll be on some upcoming, episodes, with other people. So thank you again, Janiah, and thanks again to listeners.

And now for a mind shifting moment. I'm specifically right now talking to the young women out there who are where Janiah was. You feel stupid, worthless, like you have no talents, and I want you to know that that's not true. If you are listening right now, you do have gifts, you have talents, you have intelligence. Your intelligence just might be where other people can't see it or where it's not expected.

Doesn't mean it's not there. And like Janiyah, you too can turn yourself around. What you have to first do is decide that you are going to discover who you are. What are your gifts and talents? Because I promise you, once you discover that, a whole lot of other things will start looking up.

And if even if I never meet you, I want you to know that you have value and you're cared about. Thank you for listening to Mindshift Power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimabay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking.

Tune in for next week.