Mindfulness (Episode 8)

🎧 Mindfulness master - Nicholas Clay reveals life-changing ways to beat stress and anxiety! In this super practical episode, Nick breaks down the real deal about mindfulness and why it's exactly what your stressed-out brain needs right now.

Through straight-talk and zero complicated jargon, Nick shows you how mindfulness actually works in real teenage life - no meditation cave required!

This game-changing episode explores:

• The truth about what mindfulness really is (spoiler: it's not what you think!)
• How your brain reacts to stress and why social media makes it worse
• The secret techniques to calm your racing thoughts in any situation
• Real strategies for handling everything from test anxiety to friend drama
• The journey from feeling overwhelmed to feeling in control
• How to improve your focus, sleep better, and stress less - starting today

Perfect for: Students drowning in school pressure, teens struggling with anxiety and racing thoughts, anyone feeling overwhelmed by social media and life expectations, and the teachers, counselors, and parents who want to help them thrive. Plus: Special tips for using mindfulness during high-stress moments like exams, presentations, and social situations.

To learn more about Nicholas Clay please visit

https://www.beingoneworld.com/ 

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome everyone. Today we have with us Nicholas Clay. He is an award winning business owner, mindfulness coach at, his business name is Being One World LLC.

He leads the Wisdom Project out of Schenectady, which I participated in, and it's awesome. And he does a lot of volunteer work around the capital region, and he's a great person to know. How are you doing today, Nick? I'm doing well. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for con for for, being on. Now tell us about being one world. What what is what is that about? Yeah. It a mindfulness company I created, and the goal is to be the go to, resource for mindfulness.

So very much I would see today at its infancy still. And as it grows, the vision of it was to be the go to spot. So not just for what I offer and my coaching or other resources, I've also, over time, as I connect with other mindfulness resources, I add that to the site so people can have links to go elsewhere. So Mhmm. It's more of an advocacy for mindfulness and, of course, myself being a big part of it.

And that makes sense. Having worked with you and knowing you, you are very, very, very keen into connecting others, and I love doing that too. So I really think we're kind of similar in that way. What made you when did you start, being one world? I started October of twenty twenty is when I started.

So I'll be three years. This this in a couple months. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Wow.

So if there's just a little sidebar, if there's any teenagers out there who are interested in starting their own coaching business, whether it's mindfulness or something else in the coaching arena, how how would you suggest that they get started? That's a great question. Start practicing. Acquire your first client. Most likely, it's gonna be non paying.

And, just start doing it. Get the experience. It's it's the best way to learn. And then from there, you start sourcing other resources. You can connect with other coaches, or you can start looking at other areas in which you can get, accreditation or, learn how to officially become a coach.

So the short answer to your your question is start doing it. Find somebody who could use the support Mhmm. And start practicing. And everybody's got someone around them. So so if you're listening out to teenagers, what I'm hearing, and correct me if I'm wrong, Nick, it's start start practicing around you, start doing it around you, just like, you know, if you want to be a designer and you want to sew things for people, start sewing for people around you and you'll get better as you go along.

That's definitely great advice. So the other thing that you do is, let me go back to actually, before I ask that question, you say mindfulness. The average teenager may or may not know what that actually means. Hell. The average adult probably doesn't know what that means.

So when you say mindfulness, what do you mean? Yeah. So mindfulness means presence. It's me it's being completely in the here and now, which maybe sounds simple, however, gets difficult to practice. For example, if we're in our own heads, or if we're in our thoughts, or we're thinking about some future, not that it's bad to do, however, that's taking us out of being present.

If we're thinking about some past event, we're not being present. So it's having our full awareness, or we could say our full focus, in this very present moment. Do you think that that's an issue for the average teenager? I think it's an issue for the average human. I agree.

I know that for me, it has been. For me, it's I've had to learn how to be present. Now you can't get me out of the present, but I had to learn myself for sure. Yeah. And I'll add too because I I get the the gearing towards teens.

And so something that that I don't think younger individuals realize today is how much their attention is being bought and and siphoned. So growing up, you know, thirty, forty, fifty years ago, even, you know, pre pre our time, we didn't have this technology to draw our focus. And I watched this steadily increase between shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter video clips. So now you have platforms where every seven, eight, nine seconds or something else. Well, it's training our focus to be distracted.

So then when you wanna actually focus on something like school, or like a business, or like a project, it gets so difficult because the routine that we're now getting put in is I need to find something every ten seconds. And it's a trained it's a trained thing, just like being present. Having your full attention in one space is also a trained thing, which is where meditation helps to train that. And I think as years pass, it's gonna be so important for teens that become adults. They're gonna benefit more from mindfulness practice than any other generation because there's so much focus that's gonna be distorted that will need to be restored if if they wanna ever give their full focus in anything.

Wow. You just said a whole lot of things that are true. And and, you know, for teens who are listening right now and you wanna go to college, that's important. Because if you're gonna even just your high school grades, you you need to concentrate to do your schoolwork. And if you can't concentrate for more than five seconds, that's that's a bad thing.

So when it comes to mindfulness, how how should how should a teen solve it? Who knows that they have a short attention span? And, honestly, this whole generation, like you said, is growing up with short attention spans because that's the environment they're growing up. And that's the tech what technology is teaching them to do to have a TikTok brain. And, the TikTok brain is no good because the reason we are sitting on what we're sitting on and we're using cell phones, I could tell you right now, it wasn't a TikTok brain that created those.

It took a lot of concentration. And the things that we, you know, invent in life or come up with in life weren't created from TikTok brains. The technology we use, the engineering, the everything. No. I'm a professional seamstress.

I can and I make wedding gowns. I could not do that with a TikTok brain. I'm calling the TikTok brain because it's the opposite of mindfulness. What should a teenager do to try to be mindful? Yeah.

So I'm gonna edit that a little bit because I'm not a big fan of the word should, imposing this this judgment. However, I will answer is is what could they do, and it would be starting with meditation, and I'll even, be gentle with it. If they started practicing five minutes a day, there would be profound effects in just doing that. -Mm, okay. -And the the the momentum comes from when they get that euphoric feeling, and what I mean by that is, you first start meditation, it's easy to see how it's boring, you can get fidgety, you're just sitting in one place, and that's a telltale sign of how difficult it is for someone to get their focus.

If a teen can't be still for five minutes, that's definitely gonna be a a issue in life, if not already. So starting with five minutes, and then realizing the benefits, the calmness, the peacefulness that every human benefits from, so teen or not. And then from there, most people will naturally progress once they see how good it feels. I I think you hit on a key point that's not just true in mindfulness. It's true in a lot of things bit by bit.

Like you said, if you start five minutes a day, that's an x that's excellent advice, I think, because even if it's just five minutes, you know, there's and if if a teen wants to meditate, how do they start doing that? Where do they find Yeah. Information? Now nowadays, this is where technology is a a beneficial tool because mindfulness has grown so much in popularity. So sourcing out a guided meditation is so easy.

You can go on YouTube. I'm sure you can even go on TikTok because Mhmm. There are a lot of value on TikTok. I have friends that send me more positive inspirational videos, and there's some amazing people on TikTok that talk about mindfulness. They do a great job with it.

I'd be certain that you could source guided meditations on mindfulness on YouTube, on TikTok, on Google, so that would be the best way to get started. Most people benefit from guiding at first. I personally practice, just pure mindfulness meditation, meaning I just sit here with no sound and I just I be with my myself. And to add some motivation or influence to that, think about in in in your life or in the world, is your is your mind dictating or having power over you? Or are you having power over your mind?

So it's a big difference. Oh, it is a big difference. Can you explain that difference? Yeah. So if your power has mind over you, then generally, you're you're easily offended.

You're you're easily reacting to the world. I'm sorry. Would you repeat that again? Yeah. So so you're easily triggered, you're you're reacting to the world, you're you're getting offended easily, you find your emotions is at a state of constant fluffs.

You might be mad one second, and then you're okay, and then you're sad about this, you're mad at this person, you're doing things in order to make someone else wrong, like, all these other ways in which you're reacting to the world, which doesn't allow you to create a life. You're now reacting to life, as opposed to having power over the mind, being the source consciously of creating your world coming from a balanced, calm place, which also is coming from our higher mind. So it's it's literally a higher frequency of experience as opposed to reacting is from our lower mind, which is a lower frequency. Quick question. Is it higher than weed?

I'm asking that because I know there's a teenager out there thinking it. Yeah. So how do well, the thing the thing with with weed is it it and and it's it it becomes really important on where your mind's directed, when using the substance. I mean, there are a lot of negative aspects, that have been researched on that. And on top of it, it's also it's like when you're smoking, it's like turning on a fire hose.

And so you're increasing the pressure, you're increasing the flow of your mind based on where you're going to, so you feel like you're at your darkest high state, which can be great creatively. However, it also can get distorted. So what makes sense to you while on the substance, often if you come back off it, may not make a lot of sense at all. And this is why meditation might be a better idea. Yeah.

And and to be direct to your question, I don't actually know vibrational wise, so I I can't speak to the frequency of using THC, How that's actually affecting the, frequency of work consciousness. I don't know that measurement. I mean, that can give speculation. Right. I just I wouldn't be able to answer that question.

They are starting to look more at that though, so I'm sure the answer might be out there. Okay. I think having control of of all of your brain cells is I'll I'll simplify and put it that way, is a bigger is is a big deal, because you still gotta come down off that high and and build the world. Well, I'll say this too. I I get that this you know, we're we're here for teens.

Well, it's important to know that in in our teen years, the brain is still developing. So so one thing that is important to realize is if you're using THC while in your teen years, it has a strong impact of impairing the development of your mind. I don't, I don't think we realize when we're teenagers, like, especially when we get to like our senior year, we think we're, you know, the oldest kid on the block or on top of the world, until you get to the real life. The truth is though, the mind is still developing. And when you add those kind of substances, while the mind's still developing, it can cause, it most likely causes a lot of negative impacts, and the younger you start, the more irreversible those impacts can be when you're using THC.

Same thing if if you're if if a woman's pregnant and they're drinking while the baby's, in the womb or using drugs while the baby's in the womb. Well, that directly impacts the development Oh, yeah. Of that child. Well, it's the same for us when, you know, just because we come out of the womb from zero to about 23, 20 five, our brain is still developing. So those substances can still have that negative impact as our brain is still wiring itself and figuring out what pathways it's gonna use, what pathways it's not gonna use.

So what seems like fun in our younger years can, give a permanent damage for the rest of our life. Good point. And I had actually forgotten about some of those factors that you were saying. Going back to to mindfulness. So we talked about why mindfulness is necessary and why it's good for you.

What does a life look like without mindfulness? Chaotic is the first word that comes to mind. Yeah. Chaotic. You're you're probably you're probably dictated so much by your emotions, so there's no emotional mastery.

Your your trauma just gets stored and and compiled upon, because we all go through that in some way, shape, or form. And when I say trauma, I mean as the brain perceives trauma, not necessarily that something bad happens, I mean, there's traumatic experiences just from children trying to understand the world and and being hurt emotionally can cause, trauma in the brain. Mhmm. Or it's just you just you just get a build up of of all this stuff. And and not practicing mindfulness, more than likely, then that person doesn't understand how to process emotions.

So, you know, fun fact, when we when we are consumed by our emotions, say we're angry for hours on end or sad for hours on end, I don't think the average person realizes that a natural emotion only lasts ninety seconds. And so that goes another, another aspect of being present. If you're upset for hours, you're living in some past thought that is perpetuating the emotion. Because naturally where to put it? That naturally would already have left.

And that's the difference between processing and dwelling on. And so without mindfulness, we don't the the society ways of being with self become is becoming extremely unhealthy. Let me ask you this. Reality check. I'm in middle school and there's there's my friend Isaiah.

I'm just gonna make up a name who likes to push my buttons. If I am my if I am practicing mindfulness, am I more likely to not react to him and allow him to press my buttons? It's a great question. So if you're practicing mindfulness, then what's possible is to not have those buttons in the first place to be pressed. So now Isaiah Isaiah doesn't have anything.

And especially with that scenario, what happens is then generally the person loses interest because they're getting a feedback by getting your reaction. Well, if there's no longer a reaction, no longer an entertainment of pushing that button, then generally they're gonna either leave you alone or you settle to more of a mature interaction, and then you actually get to know Isaiah as a person instead of, you know, the fun of getting you to react. Yes. So some of y'all out there, mindfulness can help you with your day to day issues that, you know, we're getting all emotional about things that we don't need to be getting all emotional about sometimes. And, this is a show for teenagers, but damn, is this true for adults?

Because there's some grown teenagers who we call adults that need this need to hear this too. Yeah. I'd like to say one more thing on that, because again, being mindful that it is for teenagers. Isaiah more than likely is not gonna matter in a couple years either. That's another thing.

You know, being teenagers and being in the school environment, once you get to the real world, most of the time, because now you're not in the same building with your peers every single day, so in the real world, there's less of a force to be around somebody than it takes effort, than it takes actually cultivating and keeping relationships. So a lot of times this emphasis we get on how our peers view us at school and the importance and the value we give to that really does not matter a couple years down the road. It it really doesn't. But if but it feels like the world right now. You know?

It does. It's just like it's it's just like as a as an adult, as a full grown adult, you may be on a job where it just it feels like the world's gonna end if you don't get this position, if you don't get to a certain level within your position, whatever the details are. But at the end of the day, a couple years later, you're gonna be like, oh, that wasn't a big deal because we grow and we mature. And and, again, that's not just a teenage thing. It's a human thing.

But great great things you're pointing out about being mindfulness, about being mindful and and what it looks like and why we why we actually need it. And you they might not use the word mindfulness, but, yeah, being present. Oh, god. That's so important. And sometimes I've had to remind myself of that.

I do wanna also talk about the the wisdom project that I mentioned in the beginning. Tell us a little bit about how that got started and what it is. Yeah. So I was in the process of a year long, team leadership management program, and it's about coming up with ideas that light us up that we're passionate about, bringing it to the world. And so a couple things that I'm passionate about, of course, mindfulness and supporting the community and also supporting the youth.

Coming from that background, I then I forgot who who led me to this. I learned about a human library that Denmark does. People come down to sit with experts in the field to learn from a person instead of a book. And that reminded me of the phrase, it takes a village to raise a child. Mhmm.

So that I thought how much support and love and positive influence, how how important that is for our youth. And so that sparked the idea of the Wisdom Sharing Project, was to get individuals that come from similar backgrounds, if not the same background, that have matured through life, have been successful, have done well, have a, for the most part, positive demeanor, to come back in front of the youth, to inspire, to support, to show love. Because when we see someone that looks like us, or that has come from our background, that has a deeper impact of inspiration of what's possible, what I could be. And so it's getting more and more youth to see that, and ideally just adding more support for our city overall. So what what does Wisdom Project do?

It takes community leaders, successful business owners, and brings them in front of the children, either via the school, via other, facilities that have groups of kids, and we just get more of a life a life conversation, where they can expand a little bit outside of the academic that they're always into. And what reactions have you found, you're getting from the from the children of all ages? Yeah. It's it's it's been surprisingly well. The kids seem highly receptive of it.

I I love seeing at the end of every project, there's generally a handful of kids that will come and wanna talk to the speakers, which is the premise, is to give them that connection, to give them that influence, to be able to touch touch base with them. They may be inspired by what they do and wanna ask more about that profession, like, how do you get start started with coaching? How do you get started with, seamstress work that you were talking about? Like, it it helps to be connected with someone who's actually doing it. Mhmm.

So it's been a a positive, highly positive for for the most part. And with any group, there's always a handful that, you know, it goes back to attention spans that aren't in the room. However, for the most part, it seems like the majority of the the kids are really liking it, and I've heard nothing except positive feedback. Well, I I I, the WISNUP project was the primary motivation in me asking you to come on to the show because, for those of you listening, I have participated in some of his, wisdom sharing projects and well, one of them. And I really enjoyed it and I love the the premise behind it.

And I did have, you know, students that came up and talked to talk to me afterwards, especially when they found out I'm a seamstress, you know, just about what it is that, what I do. And I just love the idea of planting planting seeds in our youth. I mean, it's part of why I'm doing this. And the wisdom sharing project, I can tell all of you, if you haven't reached out to Nick yet to get him into your school, you probably should because I've seen it in action and just love what what they're doing with our youth. And he's done it in school settings, community, you know, community center settings, community organization settings, and it's it's pretty good.

Well, so I wanna ask you, do you have any advice for the teens listening today? If you wanna leave them with, some lasting advice, what would it be? When viewing yourself, view with a lens to understand yourself instead of judging yourself. Mhmm. K k.

I'm sorry. I need you to repeat that again. No. When you're when you're viewing yourself, view through a lens that's seeking to understand yourself instead of judging yourself. I wish somebody had said that to me when I was younger because I spent so many years judging myself, and I completely agree and understand what you're what you're saying.

Yes. If you're listening, I don't care if you're a teenager or adult, take that advice to heart because it really matters. Yeah. I have one one more because I know this is big in, teen years and adolescence. There's a lot of, there's a lot of pushing the buttons.

So a fun fact about criticism: how we view the world is a projection of ourselves. And so when somebody is criticizing somebody else, what that is revealing, either subconsciously or unconsciously, in truth is how they feel about themselves. Mhmm. Very true. And I wanna, piggyback off that a little bit.

And I am talking to to the teenager teenagers because it matters for whether you're adult or child, but it's it's especially more evident in your teenage years when someone is constantly insulting you and they constantly seem to find something to pick up, something wrong to pick with you, it's usually because of what's something that's wrong with them. It's jealousy. It's because they judge themselves. You know, as he just said, there's a million different reasons, but I don't always take it to heart because nine times out of 10, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. And and Nick is shaking his head.

You can't hear it, but he is. But but well, thank you, Nicholas Clay, for coming on the show today. And for all of your listeners, I want you to know that his information, his website, information will be in the episode description on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast. And, thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. It's been a pleasure. Appreciate it. And now for a mind shifting moment. I hope that you got something out of today's episode.

Being mindful or being conscious of yourself and being present, it really matters for your life. I don't care how old you are. I don't care what kind of life you live. If you make the decision to be present, to be very conscious of of yourself and what's going on with you, it is truly easier to deal with your issues. Living inside your head doesn't help you to deal with the issues outside of your head.

Just think about that. Thank you for listening to Mindshift Power Podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit fatimabay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking.

Tune in for next week.