DAMAGED? (Episode 9)

From rock bottom to resilience - a teen's raw journey of transformation and hope. This uncensored episode follows Jessica's powerful story of rebuilding her life from nothing, offering inspiration for teens facing their own battles.

Key highlights revealed:
* Mental health strategies that actually work for teens
* Building self-worth when you feel worthless
* Practical steps for creating positive change
* Overcoming family struggles and personal challenges
* Finding your path when you feel completely lost

Jessica cuts through the generic advice with authentic, relatable experiences that speak directly to teens fighting their own battles. She provides real-world strategies that go beyond simple motivational quotes and empty promises.

Perfect for: Teenagers struggling with depression, anxiety, family issues, or feeling stuck. This hard-hitting episode delivers honest truth about transformation, with practical tools for teens ready to make real change in their lives. Jessica's story proves that no matter where you start, positive change is possible with the right mindset and support.

Warning: Contains frank discussion of mental health challenges and personal struggles. This powerful episode gives teens the unfiltered truth about turning their lives around, along with actionable steps to begin their own journey of transformation.

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. Hello and welcome. Today, we have with us Jessica Rosler. She is a woman that lives in Schenectady, New York.

And this episode is called damaged, because we're gonna she works. She's gonna talk about struggling through trauma as a teen, and ending up as an an accomplished adult. And some people think that they are damaged because they are like she was. And we're gonna talk about that a little bit. So, Jessica, tell us how you grew up and and what your teens were like for you.

Well, I grew up in what I like to call a very dysfunctional family. And in that, I mean, we weren't your your typical normal, like, happy go lucky family. We were, you know, very, you know, everybody did what they wanted kind of thing. My parents constantly fought and and till this day, they still do. And, you know, all of us kids growing up each had our issues as well with school and and life.

My, you know, my my parents weren't all that well off and neither were we. We were, like, lower middle class. Can we were considered lower middle class family. And, you know, my my mom and my father worked part time and they still continued throughout my teen years and, most of my adult life to work part time. They didn't have enough time for, a lot of us.

So when one of us had an accomplishment that we had wanted to tell them about, it was overshadowed by another sibling having an issue. So, you know, none of that was taken into account. And, you know, in return for me, I felt like they didn't care. So, you know, I would do what I wanted, just like my siblings. They would do what they wanted.

They would go out, hang out with friends till they wanted. And, you know, my my parents were, you know, they they tried to discipline, but it was more or less like, my dad, he would, you know, he would be like this this burly, like, oh, you know, you have to come home at a specific time and and, you know, do this and that. And but he he wouldn't stick to it. And my mom was definitely not the disciplinarian in the family. You know?

She was more, oh, well, you should let them do what they want. And it's like, you know, to me, it was just that's what I grew up with. So that's what I was used to. And, you know, it was very much like that in my teen years as well where it was just like, alright. Well, if you don't care what I do, I'm just gonna do this, this, this, and this.

And, you know, I went out and and hung out with friends. And, when I wasn't hanging out with friends, I was told, oh, well, you gotta watch your siblings because, you know, your mother's working tonight. And my mom had to pick up two jobs just to make ends meet with, you know, eight kids. And, you know, we barely had enough money for bills. And my mother would put away so much to pay the bills.

So, you know, sometimes it came down to eating or paying the bills. So, you know, she chose to have us kids eat as opposed to paying a bill. So there would be times when we wouldn't have electricity. There would be times when we wouldn't have Christmas. You know, there were times when we had to borrow money from my grandparents.

In terms of cars, too, as well. My grandmother would give us her cars. We had hand me down clothes. So it was it was a very much, you know, roller coaster of a ride in my family, in that sense. And, it was just, you know, everybody was all over the place.

Life for me as a teenager was pretty much the same. You know, elementary school was the same way. My parents were fighting constantly. I ended up being labeled in elementary school and all throughout my life with a learning disability. And, you know, the the school had said, well, you know, there's nothing much else that we could do for your daughter.

And so they they stuck me in special education classes. And, you know, at that point, I was too young to have a voice and and to figure out, hey. Look. You know? This is not who I am.

And, you know, I I shouldn't be labeled as such because, you know, I sucked at math. Yeah. Like, people suck at math. You know, that's just that's just it's just, you know, something that, you know, some people aren't good at. And but, you know, otherwise, it was, like I said, very much much the same as as that.

And, you know, throughout school, it was, you know, being put in special education classes after special education classes. And then I got into high school as I started getting to be in my teen years. And that started to start weighing on me some more because it was even tougher in in high school. When I was in high school, they, the special education committee had, tons of meetings on me and about me. And my mom was with me for, like, one or two of those.

But other than that, it was me. And, you know, I had to find my voice, and I had to figure out, you know, what was best for me at that point. And even though I raised my concerns about being in special education, I felt like they were, you know, not heard, because I, you know, I was a teenager. So I felt like they didn't care what I thought. They, you know, they were just like, oh, this is, you know, just somebody we can get money off of.

So in that instance, when I felt like I wasn't being heard or, you know, seen rather, I felt like a failure. And I felt like nobody cared what I thought. Nobody cared what I said because I was a teenager. And, you know, they were the adults. And I was supposed to listen to them, and I was supposed to do what they wanted me to do.

So I was kept in this program, and I felt like an utter failure. I felt horrible. I felt lost. I felt defeated. And it, you know, it was an awful thing for me as a teenager to have to deal with, you know, among other things that, you know, teenagers deal with on a daily basis.

And, you know, that was like that throughout my whole high school career. I didn't graduate high school until the age of 19 because I ended up failing kindergarten because of the fact that the teachers again said, well, she doesn't know how to do this. She's not ready. So I just, you know, me being me, I felt like a failure. I felt like, you know, I didn't fit in anywhere.

And, you know, I felt like nobody would accept me or take me seriously. And I had a lot of anger. I had a lot of frustration, hurt. You know, I I didn't wanna finish high school. I really wanted to just discontinue and drop out.

Did you have a lot of friends? So I had groups of friends. You know, we had in my high school, there were, you know, your usual jocks and nerds and, so on and so forth. And, you know, I fell in between, like, the the nerds and the outcasts. And, you know, I had a lot of of those types of, friends come in and out of my circle a lot.

And, you know, that helps some. And, you know, I felt like they understood who I was and they listened to me and, you know, took my complaints, my thoughts very seriously. And, you know, at that point in their lives too, some of them were also in special education. So some of them knew the ins and outs of it like I did. And Okay.

You know, some of them had difficulties with other things in their lives as well that they were in special education for. But for, you know, for me, I I went to what they called the resource room at that time, and I was fed answers by an aide. So that essentially did not help me at all. And, yeah, it did not help me learn anything. It did not help me figure out anything.

It just made matters worse for me because even the aids would look at me, and they would get frustrated with me. Because if there was something that I didn't understand very quickly, they would sit there and look at me strange and they would just give up and then just give me the answers. Because, you know, for me, it it takes me a little while to understand something. And, you know, sometimes I have to have it repeated multiple times, but I'll get it. It it's not like I won't.

It's just it takes me a bit to get it. And, you know, growing up, I thought I was stupid. I felt stupid. I felt like an utter failure. I felt like everybody and everything was against me Because of that fact, I felt ashamed that I was in special education.

And it was honestly when I look back, it was honestly some of the worst but yet profound impacts on my life that I've experienced. Profound how? Because it has shown that just because I, you know, I thought I was a failure. I thought I couldn't do things that other people in regular classes were doing. You know, I was horrified with myself.

I was ashamed of myself. I was embarrassed. And, you know, looking back, I nowadays, looking back as an adult, I think that that had a profound impact on me in, you know, the sense that I I came a lot farther than I thought I would in in life. And that's what I want us to to really talk about. I know that there are I don't even know.

I don't even know if thousands is enough, maybe millions of young women out there who are just like you, who feel the same way about themselves right now as you felt. They feel stupid. They don't come from the greatest of environments when it comes to family. They feel they're totally unsupported by the people around them. And just how can you feel hopeful in a situation like that?

So I wanna talk a little bit about, you know, where you are now. So what what are you doing now? So right now, I actually work at a local community college, and I actually work with my daughter. So, you know, and I, you know, I actually have my daughter to thank for being, you know, being as as gracious as she is and as understanding as she is. You know, she's actually helped me, to become the person I am today and and shaped me to be a better person.

And, you know, without her her resilience and and her thoughtfulness and and her, you know, dedication to everything that she does and and, you know, she's my cheering section. You know, without her, I think that I would not be the person that I am today. I think if if I hadn't had her, that I would be in a very dark place. I would be very, very distraught. I would be I would be a mess.

And The fact that I can finally say that, you know, just because I've had these, you know, these types of setbacks in my life, you know, it doesn't mean that I'm still that person and it doesn't mean that I can't do the things that I set out to do and the goals that I have. You know, I have all this resilience and I have so many so many dreams, so many goals that I want to attain in my life. And, you know, looking back, you know, I think that without having all of these things that happened to me, without that, I think that, you know, I wouldn't be here in this position. Now you you said you you've you have goals and dreams you're trying to work on and trying to attain. What are some of the goals that you well, first of all yeah.

What are some of the goals that you have already attained? Some of the goals that I have already accomplished, I actually got an associate's degree. So suck it, high school guidance counselor who said that I would never amount to anything. I would never be able to do math or science. You know?

I I have believe some idiot said that to you. Yes. I'm sorry. But what that is, you're an idiot. Go ahead.

She said she literally said to me, in my eleventh yeah, my junior year of high school and then my senior year of high school. She told me every time I went into her office when I was asking her, you know, you know, we went over, like, hey, hey, what do you wanna be when you grow up? You know, all that stuff that high school guidance counselors usually ask. I had said I wanted to be a pediatric nurse or I wanted to do something in astronomy. She literally looked me in the face and said, well, you know, both of those have math involved.

Right? Like, really snotty, like, attitude. And I said, yeah. And she said, and for pediatric nursing, you know, that they don't make a lot of money. Right?

And I'm like, wow. Like, did she just say that? That woman need to be smacked upside the head and gotten out of her job. But anyway. So I needless to say, I left her office defeated and in tears because I thought, alright.

The you know, that's it. I'm never gonna be able to do anything with my life. And, you know, there was a time when I didn't go to college, but I I, you know, I was still in school right now? Right. Yes.

I am still in school right now. I am working on a master's degree. I master's in science degree in biodiversity conservation and policy. And I am just you know, I'm killing some of the goals that I had set for myself, and, you know, I've gone above and beyond even the ones that I thought I could never do. So you went from feeling like nothing, feeling stupid, abnormal, like you couldn't accomplish anything.

All that other stuff was for normal people, not you. Right? Yes. Exactly. About yourself.

Exactly. About myself when I was younger too. So I understand. I really, really understand it. But you went from there to you're working on your masters now.

Now go let's go back to 17 year old Jessica. Would 17 year old Jessica have believed that she would one day be working on a master's degree? Absolutely not. I 17 year old me was very moody, very, you know, very defeated, very down, very, very depressed, because, you know, 17 year old me was like, I'm never gonna be able to do anything. And I would I would be in my room every single night with my lights off, and I would look I would look outside and I would start praying.

I would, you know, I would start praying for the the day and the time that, you know, I would be able to be normal. I would be able to have a normal family, a normal life, a, you know, a normal situation. You know, I would be able to have a diploma out of high school like everybody else. But, you know, I got put in special education. And the IEP diploma that I had basically said, no.

You have to stay in this program till you're 19 years old. So it was it was it was debilitating for me. And I I wanna chime in right there because I and then and talk to the audience for a second. If you're an adult who's working in a school system or an education system of any kind, of any kind, in any capacity, a counselor, whatever you're doing, and you're involved in kids' lives like this. I know that there are a lot of other Jessica's out there who have been held back in life for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is being labeled, being labeled with special ed when it may or may not have been necessary.

There's so many people, and I have personally seen it, and it makes me very angry when people get labeled that and they don't need it. Or when they get labeled that and just treated like, well, you have maximum you have a a a maximum capacity of this little bit, and that's it. And you're too stupid for the rest. And you may not use those words directly, but there's so many other ways you can actually say that to people. And it does so much damage.

Please, please don't do that. Give people hope. Don't take away what little hope they have because you don't know what kind of effects it's gonna have on them. There are people in those situations that commit suicide because they feel like they can't do anything. That's just a real that's real.

And it, it just really angers me when I hear these stories and I know that they were avoidable. And I know that they were avoidable. She just if we just support people around us, but give them the right kind of support. And if you are out there and you feel like you're stupid and maybe you are in special ed and maybe you don't get it as quick as the rest of us, it doesn't mean that you can't do what the rest of us does. It might mean you have to go another way around it, but you can still do everything that the rest of us can do.

That's my little speech. So I just had to say all that, because I just think it's so important. So I I also wanna talk about a part of what has also helped you a lot, you know, in the conversations that we've had off the air. You've gone to therapy. Correct?

Mhmm. Yes. And that made a major difference in your life? Yes. Yes.

It has. Talk about that a little bit. So when I originally started going, I started talking about one thing, and then I was like, well, you know, I've got a bunch of other things that are going on. And and, you know, I wanna talk about my life and and what happened to me in in my childhood, what happened to me as a teenager. And so I just I talk in therapy about that.

I spend about sixty minutes every week in in therapy just talking about everything that's that's going on. And that's that's really helped. And, you know, I I wish more people would take advantage of that because it is definitely helpful. I I agree. I think therapy I preach it all the time.

I think therapy is important. I think there's different types of therapy that work for different types of people. And dimensional therapy does not work for everyone. I mean and I know therapists. I will tell you right now, it does not work for everyone, but it does work for a lot of people.

And if you don't like conventional therapy, there are other ways you can go about it, but we all need therapy because we're humans. And sometimes it's just a matter of having somebody to bounce your thoughts off of to help you, you know, declutter your brain. So what what I'm hearing from you, I wanna want to I wanna point out to the audience is that you went from you went from there to here. You went from a place of feeling no hope, no confidence, very low self esteem. The biggest thing is no support because there's nobody there, to combat those negative thoughts that you were having about yourself.

Correct? Right. Yes. So when you have nobody to combat that, you're just gonna I mean, it's natural to kinda take that on and believe the garbage that people are telling you. You know?

Absolutely. And, unfortunately, I know people out there that have family members that do that to them, put them down the first second they can. You're too stupid. Don't try this. And it's like, I wanna drop kick them in the forehead.

That's illegal. So I don't, but I really want to, because I understand the damage that it does to their psyche. And we all operate out of that psyche, so it matters. You know? Your your mindset is everything.

So what advice do you have for someone in their teens listening right now who feels just the way you did, who is from a non supportive family, feeling hopeless, lost, and stupid. Find your voice. Find your voice. Make sure you find that voice. Make sure you don't lose it.

Make sure you don't give up hope because, you know, it might seem like it's a long road to get from point a to point b, but you'll get there. You will. And you'll look back on those moments, you know, and in those moments, and you'll say, wow. I had, you know, all this resilience, and I'm not that same person. I am a better version of myself.

That's awesome. Now the I have one more question for you. For the people listening who are who have people like you around them, and, really, this actually really applies to more than just teenagers, but who are feeling the way you felt about yourself. What would have made a difference for you back then? For more people to listen, more people to take me seriously, more more people to let me talk, let me speak, you know, hear what I have to say, and just be honest with me.

And, you know, don't sugarcoat things. You know, because, you know, a lot of a lot of times staff do that in in schools, you know, and, you know, just be honest and tell me flat out, like, why I'm labeled that. What like, what makes me that way to to you or to that school system or to whomever? And, you know, I I wish they were honest more with me and and not secretive in in con their conversations about me. And, you know, I wish that, again, they listened to me because I tried to speak about it and I was brushed off because I didn't matter.

And the school system that I went to and and went through, they didn't care about anybody really. Well, I would say you do matter, and you're mattering right now because I am positive that you're inspiring some young girl out there right now who is where you were. I really believe that. And for for what she was just talking about for those around someone like her, don't just slough slough off a teenager. Like like, they don't matter.

Like, their feelings don't matter and just like, oh, you're just being a dumb teenager and ignore it because that's that does more damage than you can even see. You know? Sometimes we we we do that as adults and don't realize the harm that that actually does, number one, for our relationship with that child, but number two, for their self esteem and self worth. Or you don't know what they're thinking. You may be affecting their future by saying stupid little statements, you know, and and brushing off what's important to them.

You know, I wanted to say that to the audience. Well, Jessica, I really, really appreciate you taking the time to come on here and being willing to be vulnerable, and tell your story. And I and I know that your story is more average than you think. And you you were never abnormal. I just wanted to say that too.

You were never abnormal. Thank you. You just didn't fit into the stupid little conventional box that our system wants to put people in, which by the way, only about maybe 30% of the people actually fit in properly. But that's a whole another story. But you were never abnormal.

You're not now the person that I met when the day I met you is I never would have known that that was your backstory. Yeah. That's the that's not who I that's not who I see now, and that's not who you are now. And I'm really glad that you're able to get out of it. And and again, this is one of those heartfelt episodes for me because I really think I really want this message to get out to more young women who are like you were and know that there is hope for you because there was hope for Jessica.

Yep. Yes. I, you know, I just I I wanna I wanna just hug everybody that, you know Me too. But we can't Yeah. They haven't cried out yet.

Right. Well, thank you, Jessica, for being on. Thank you for having me. And now for a mind shifting moment. If you're listening right now and you are where Jessica was, you feel stupid.

You feel abnormal. You feel hopeless about your future because of the way you've grown up. I want you to know you're not a failure. There is hope for your future just like there was hope for Jessica. She's not special.

Anything that she can do she did, you can do too. I want you to know if you don't have support around you, you may have to be the one that advocates for yourself. Don't believe the hype that you can only accomplish a certain amount. That is never true. You just got to find a way around it.

I hope that you were able to listen today and that you were able to get hope for yourself and your own future. It is possible because it was possible for her. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast, Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast. Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking.

Tune in for next week.