Life As A T.H.O.T. (Episode 31A - Part 1)

🎧 In this powerful episode addressing harmful labels like "T.H.O.T." ("that ho over there"), Erica Bess courageously shares her story of being coerced into prostitution at age 19. Through raw honesty, she challenges stereotypes and reveals the hidden manipulative tactics that led to her exploitation, helping others understand the complex realities behind harmful labels and judgments.

This critically important episode explores:

• The damaging impact of derogatory terms like "T.H.O.T." on young women
• How sophisticated coercion tactics target vulnerable young people
• The complex factors that can lead someone into dangerous situations
• Why common misconceptions about prostitution put teens at risk
• Critical warning signs that someone is being manipulated or coerced
• Real strategies for protecting yourself and supporting others

Perfect for: Teens seeking understanding about exploitation, those interested in personal safety, anyone looking to protect themselves or friends from coercion, and those wanting to challenge harmful stereotypes and labels.

Join us for part 2 as we continue Erica's powerful story - there's still so much more to learn from her experience.

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome everyone. Today's episode is a little different. So today we have with us Erica Bess.

She you've heard her before. She is a therapist and she's been on a few episodes already. But here, she's not today here as a therapist per se. She's here in a different capacity. So today, she's gonna do something very bold and very brave, and she's going to open up and talk about her personal experiences and what some of us would call prostitution.

Prostitution is usually different than we think, and you're gonna hear about that. So this is a two part episode. So this is part one. And then make sure you listen to part two that will be released the same day. So we're gonna have a raw and honest conversation about what prostitution looks like and what it doesn't look like.

Now, before we get into that conversation, let me give you a couple of facts and figures. According to deliverfund.org, it is estimated that between 65,000 women and children are forced into sexual slavery in The United States every year. The total number varies wildly because it's actually difficult to research. So the real number might be bigger than that. There's really no way to tell.

Most youth another fact, and most youth tend to fail. Sorry. Most youth tend to fall victim to child prostitution and sex trafficking between the ages of 12 and 14. According to sexcrimeslaw.com, the average female enters into prostitution when she is only 16 or 17 years of age. Now, Erica was not 12 or 14 when she got into it.

She was a little bit older. And there is a difference between sex slavery and prostitution. But I want you to know that that difference is primarily on paper only. In reality, they're not much different. I want you to know how serious and prevalent this actually is.

And Erica wasn't necessary wasn't necessarily quote unquote trafficked in the way we usually think of trafficking, but she was a sexually exploited youth. Thank you, Erica, for coming today. How are you? I'm good. Thank you for having me.

Alright. Let's hop right into it. So, why don't we start off by you telling us how old you were when you got into prostitution, and tell us your story. Okay. So I was 19.

I had a late birthday, so it was my first year of college. And I was always a year older than I was supposed to be in school. So, it was my first year in college. I literally had just dropped off my things in my dorm and unpacked, and it was my first day in a new city. And I was gonna go out with my friend to explore, but she ended up canceling.

So I was like, you know what? I'm a just go by myself. So I was 19 years old, exploring the city, and that's when I ran into my future pimp. Okay. Yeah.

And tell us more about how how did Well, I was walking met him, and what happened? I met him. He, stopped me on the street. He was walking the opposite direction from me. We're actually passing each other.

And he goes, excuse me, miss. I guess I looked like, you know, I wasn't from there. And I'm looking all around at all the buildings and everything like, wow. This is so nice. And he's like, excuse me, miss.

Can I give you a compliment? And I had this really pretty dress on, and I was like, sure. And then he goes, well, my compliment is a little x rated, so can I still give it to you? And then I busted out laughing. Now not knowing that he was starting his game on me immediately.

Because if he had said, I wanna give you a compliment, but it's x rated, and I said, ew. Disgusting. And I kept it moving. That would have been it the end of it. Done deal.

But because I laughed and I thought that was funny, he was like, okay. She's one of the ones I can try. You know? So Mhmm. He, had a rolly bag with him, and he said he was gonna go, somewhere later.

But it seemed like he didn't have anywhere to go at the time, and he just started walking with me and talking with me. And then we basically spent the whole day together. He was getting to know me. I told him I was in school. He told me that he was into, like, writing music and that he worked for a prevalent agency that was, like, well known for music and that he did, like, ghostwriting.

So So I was like, oh, okay. Cool. And then sometimes he did, like, background, you know, guitar for other artists when they came into town. So I was like, oh, okay. Cool.

But I was 19, and he was 49, which is only a few years, younger than my mother and my father at the time. Wow. Yeah. So but he did not look that way. Unfortunately, is is that is that common?

Yes. It's Mhmm. Men who are into that lifestyle tend to be older, and they tend to seek out younger women because younger women are easier to, mold and get under their control. And as a woman who's older would be a little bit more aware of, like, the red flags and be like, no. You're not gonna do that to me.

And but a young woman who's just fresh out of their home and never really got to see the world yet, like, bright eyes open and ready. And you know that that thing, they saw me they saw you coming. He saw me coming. Okay. Yep.

So fast forward to, what led into or the the, let me say, the pathway into you starting to do sex for money for him. Okay. So we had spent the whole day together, and then we ended up at this place where he was playing pool. And he mentioned something about, being crooked. And I was like, well, what does that mean?

Because I thought crooked meant you're, like, a bad person. He was like, no. Crooked just means, that you are financially hungry, and you're willing to do almost anything to get it. So he was like, I know you're a young 19 year old struggling college student. Wouldn't you like it if you didn't have to work so hard and get money and do the easiest thing possible to get money?

And then, of course, I'm like, my ears are, like, wide open. I was like, well, what? What do I have to do? He's like, you barely have to do anything. And he was like, oh, I was like, oh, okay.

And then he made me wait, like, a whole day or two, because he didn't wanna say exactly what it was. But at the end of that night that we spent together, he was already talking me out of money up from my ATM. He was like, in order for me to give you this information of what you're gonna be doing, you have to, invest into what we're gonna be doing. And I was like, okay. But it's, like, top secret.

Like, well, what it is? What is it? He was like, well, you decide how much you wanna put down towards it. And I had just gotten, like, my refund from my school tuition, so I had a couple of hundred dollars. And I I was like, okay.

Whatever you need to do. I got it. And he'll he's like, we'll meet again, and we'll we'll discuss the details. So I went to by the end of the night, I'm going to the ATM, and I'm taking out, like, I think, a hundred and $50 for this man. Don't even know him from a stranger, like, a pain on the wall, but I'm giving him my money.

And he's like, okay. We'll we'll reconvene in a couple of days, and I'll let you know the logistics of everything. And I'm like, okay. So then then I go back and meet him a couple days later, and he's like, the eye the look in your eyes have changed since you met me. And I was like, maybe because I'm, like, intrigued by you, and I wanna know how I can make all this money.

So he said at first that I could be with a man just to pay for my time for me spending, like, a hour with a person. And he didn't say anything about sex at first. He was like, I can train you to be so good at this that you won't even have to do anything except have a conversation with somebody for an hour, and you can get $300 just like that. And he said, and if you are willing to, you could also get into being a dominatrix and don't have to have sex with anybody and just end up, like, beating on somebody for an hour and then getting your money like that. So he was, like, bringing, like, these different ideas to me.

And I was like, I don't know if I could do that, but he was like, well, it's up to you. He was like, how do you think, most of these women are out here getting their money? He was like, they have side hustles. And he's like, you can do it if you just follow my lead. And I was like, that's interesting.

And then we kinda left that alone for a while, and then I feel like I went through a period of grooming where he eventually became my boyfriend. And he was telling me all the things that I wanted to hear. He was giving me the attention that I needed, or that I thought I needed from him. And then it slowly led to, okay. Now you're my girlfriend.

And then I said to him, well, if you still want me to, you know, be with these men for money when you get jealous because I'm your girlfriend. He said the only way that I would get jealous of you interacting with other men is if you didn't make them pay for your time. And I was like, oh, okay. So as long as they're paying, then he's he feels like he's on top. And, that's how I got into it.

So we would go into clubs around the area and kinda, like, scope out the scene. And if any but he said if any man comes up to talk to you, he automatically wants to have sex with you. And I was like, how do you figure that? He was like, trust me. He's like, a man doesn't talk to a woman unless he wants to have sex with her.

And he's like, he can be in the background, act like we don't know each other, and he could look at a person and tell if they were the right type of person to be a trick, and and a trick is somebody who's willing to pay for sex. Right. So I was like, okay. So I eventually got into it like that because I was interested in making easy money. Okay.

Yep. Mhmm. Did you think you were sexually being sexually exploited at the time? At first, no. But then knowing the truth about things and seeing that I was uncomfortable with the situation and realizing that I was chipping away at my spirit as a person, I was like, no.

I'm I'm prostituting, and this is not healthy for me spiritually. So But you I didn't realize that first, but I kept doing it. Kept doing it. Mhmm. Yeah.

And the was it the money that motivated you to keep doing it? Yeah. Because I was going to school full time, and I didn't wanna work, like, a regular job. Mhmm. And, I would have gotten, like, only, like, part time hour pay at minimum wage.

And he was like, you could be doing so much better than that. You can have this lifestyle if you just follow what I say and, you know, just map it out for you. And I was okay with it for a while, but then I realized the compromise that it was having on me spiritually. And I told him, I don't think I can do this anymore. And he was like, are you sure?

And I was like, I I don't know. I really don't I don't think I can. It's just not right for me. And he said, well, okay. Well, if you don't wanna do it, then you gotta bring some girls, to me to to get into it because I need some form of income.

And I'm like, but don't you write music and all this other stuff, which was also a facade, I found out. He knew people who were in the industry, but he really wasn't who he said he was. You know? Mhmm. So, and if he did write some stuff, he never even got credit for it.

Like, his name was never put down on any of the masters and the records and things like that, so he was getting paid under the table. So he tells me I have to bring, other women into it, and that's the only way I can get out of it. And he said he could train me to be a madam, which is a female pimp, basically. And I was like, okay. Well, if that's the way I can get out of it, then I'll bring you somebody.

No problem. As long as I don't have to do it anymore because I'm done with this. So, we would go to clubs or places in the city that had, like like, a lot of women, and it was like a function. And I would look for he would train me to look for women who are by themselves. You don't wanna approach a woman as a pimp with a bunch of women with them because there's gonna be women who are looking out for their friend's safety in a group.

And you they target women who are alone. Okay. So when you're look when you're a pimp and you're looking for people to recruit to prostitute for you and bring you an income, you're gonna target women who are by themselves because women in large groups of friends are gonna try to protect the the female that's being targeted. So it usually causes the pimp to not get a successful person in recruiting because the purse the people are surrounded by friends that care about them. But if you are a single woman walking around on your own, you are a target for these predators.

Very good point to make, Erica, because you're absolutely right. They know what to look for. Mhmm. Let's dive into that a little bit more. What specifically, besides being alone, what made you a good target?

Oh, it was like a recipe for disaster. Well, as a child, I had a a instance of molestation, and then my father wasn't in the household. And after my molestation, my mother kind of, like, distanced herself physically and emotionally connecting to me, for whatever reason. And that was, like, a perfect storm for me to have lower self esteem than I should have had for myself. And when I went off into college, it was like a brand new world, and I was just like Dorothy in the at the Wiz.

And I'm just like, oh my gosh. Everything's so wonderful. This is great. I'm finally on my own. And then somebody saw me and was like, oh, she's an attractive female, and she's by herself.

And let me let me pick her brain to see if her self esteem is where it needs to be. Because if it was, he wouldn't have been able to do that to me. But because it wasn't where it needed to be, he was like, oh, perfect. Let me work on her and groom her into this. I'm gonna take a break right here and and talk to the audience.

I want you guys to know that what Erica is describing, she's describing her own personal experiences, which is not everyone's, but it is common. Extremely, extremely common. And those I'm gonna branch out a little bit because we're talking about prostitution here. But a lot of what she does is just described domestic abusers look for, too. They look for the women they consider weak, and the ones who are the weakest are the ones who don't know who they are yet and have low self esteem.

Quite a common theme amongst those who are looking to victimize women for one reason, whether to date them, whether to beat them, whether to sexually exploit them. They're still looking to victimize women for whichever reason. The thing that they all have in common is what you just said. They're looking for someone who doesn't know who they are, which is why I'm so adamant about make teaching young women who they are and encouraging them and building them up so that they are less likely to be the next victim. I want to reduce their victim pool.

Hopefully piss them off enough. That'll be great for me. Now I would love that. Right. Now tell me what else you looked for when you were looking for other women to to to bring into the life and turn over to him.

What did you look for? Single females, young, not over 25, but over 18. Maybe a female who looks that they're looking for somebody, but maybe they didn't show up. There was one instance where there was a girl who kept constantly checking her phone and looking around her surroundings. Like, she was waiting for people to come, but they didn't show up.

And, he saw her first, and he he, like, alerted my attention. He was like, go talk to her over there. She's she's one of us. And I was like, how does he how does he even know this? But he knows.

So I go over there, and I talk to her. And we end up talking, and then I introduce her to him. And she's like he's like, hey. Do you wanna go to the bar or something? Were you waiting for somebody and they didn't show up?

And she's like, yeah. She's like, flaky friends. And he's like, don't worry. We're we're just gonna go hang out at the pool hall and just, you know, hang out. And he she was like, if you're not doing anything, come come on with us.

And I think she felt safe because I was there when you see another female who seems friendly. But in that instance, I was being a predator. So so I it's dangerous. And you think that you see a female that it's okay. It must be safe.

Don't let that fool you. I always like to say, the devil's not gonna walk up to you and say, hey. I'm Satan. Wanna come with me? He's gonna he's gonna come as an angel of light.

He's gonna look all pretty. And we and we tend to not just in this subject, but in other areas, we tend to fall for, demons and angel outfits. Mhmm. And that's why he sent me and then watered her watered her up to get to okay. Now it's me that you have to meet.

And he did the same thing that he did to me and told her, hey. I have I have a compliment for you. It's a little x rated. And she cracked up too. And then it was the same game that he ran on me.

He was running on her in front of me. And this is something that is so it it this happens a lot. And so I wanna reiterate, point out some things that you'd said. What I heard was manipulation. Mhmm.

And would you con would you say that he controlled you? Yes. Mentally. That's bingo. That's what I wanted to point out.

Did he beat you? Never. Never put a hand on me. He didn't ask you. He controlled your mind.

Yeah. He he he put a a leash around your brain and controlled you that way. And he even used that to point out to me, I'm not like these pimps on the street that's gonna smack you up and down the street and tell you, bitch, where's my money? I don't have to do that. He's like, I don't even look like a pimp.

What do pimps look like to you? The quality of the flash episode. That's a fantastic question. We're gonna talk about that in in in part two of this conversation. We are gonna actually talk about that.

But but yes. And I wanna point that out to the listeners and especially young women who are listening right now. He did to you what's, is often referred to as love bombing. Mhmm. That's one term for it.

There's actually several terms for it, but I'm gonna use that term right now. Love bombing, which is, oh, you're great. Let me, let me show you some that I care. Let me show you that I'm nice. Oh, yeah.

Let me manipulate you into let me manipulate into what I want. He didn't just come right up to say, yo, bitch. Wanna be my hoe? I mean, no one's gonna miss that. One though.

He says it like Go ahead. No. He was so charming and everything, and I was just so mesmerized that this older guy was interested in me. And I was 19, fresh out of the the home. And I'm like, oh, wow.

This cute 49 year old guy who didn't really look 49. He looked nice for his age. And then, I was, like, you know, enthralled. And then when we started having sex, he opened up my world to sex in a whole another level that I had never experienced. So I was like, oh my god.

I was really open then, like, with the mental manipulation. I was, like, super susceptible. And, also, I wanna point out for, the young women who are listening, there is never a situation where a 49 year old is interested in a girl that young where it's not predatory. It a % of the time, one way or another, it's predatory. Even if they are a family friend, it's still predatory.

So keep that in mind. We're gonna end it here for now. And if you wanna hear the rest of Erica's story and we wanna talk about more details about what does a pimp look like? Because most of y'all have it wrong. And, and several other things.

We're gonna talk about that in part two of this episode. So stay tuned. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast. Please like, and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast.

Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.