Living As Crazy (Episode 47)

🎧 From being labeled "crazy" to becoming a mental health warrior - Joby Castilla's powerful story will transform how you think about schizophrenia and mental health! In this incredibly brave episode, Joby shares her raw truth about living with schizophrenia and breaks down the harmful myths that keep teens suffering in silence.

Through honest and stigma-breaking conversation, Joby reveals what it's really like to live with a serious mental illness that most people misunderstand completely.

This groundbreaking episode explores:

• The real truth about what schizophrenia actually is (not what you see in movies)
• How mental illness impacts daily teenage life in ways most people never see
• The dangerous myths that stop teens from getting the help they need
• Real strategies for managing mental health while handling school and life
• The journey from shame and isolation to strength and self-acceptance
• How to support friends who are struggling with mental illness

Perfect for: Teens living with mental health challenges, students wanting to understand mental illness better, anyone with family members affected by serious mental illness, and the counselors, teachers, and parents supporting young people through mental health journeys. Plus: Essential insights for breaking down stigma and creating a more understanding, supportive environment for teens with mental illness.

Transcript

Welcome to Mindshift Power podcast, a show for teenagers and the adults who work with them, where we have raw and honest conversations. I'm your host, Fatima Bey, the mind shifter. And welcome. Today, we have with us Joby Castilla. She lives in Upstate New York, and she has schizophrenia.

She also has complex post traumatic stress disorder and severe anxiety disorder. And the reason we're having this episode today is she Joby herself has actually mind shifted me. She just didn't know she was doing it at the time. We just had a real honest conversation, which basically led to talking about her schizophrenia. And, decided to have her on as a guest because she's the one person I could talk to about this who's not gonna get offended and be raw and honest.

And by the end of this session, you will probably love her as much as I do. But before we begin, I I wanna read to you guys some numbers, some numbers and some facts, cons concerning the topic that I think are important to remember. These do not all apply to Joby, but, they're important to remember when we're talking about this topic. So the first is that sixty seven percent of homeless people currently have some form of mental illness, while seventy seven percent were found to have experienced mental illness at least sometime during their lives. And this comes from The U US News and World Report.

The proportion of violent crime in society attributable to to schizophrenia consistently falls below ten percent. Comorbid substance abuse considerably increases this risk. And this comes from cambridge.org. Roughly fifty percent of individuals with severe mental disorders are affected by substance abuse. Thirty seven percent of alcohol abusers and fifty three percent of drug abusers also have at least one serious mental illness, and that comes from helpguide.org.

So I'm reading all these numbers to you because I want you guys to remember these facts during this conversation because some of it will be related. So, Joby, how are you doing today? I'm good. Thank you for coming on. I really appreciate your willingness to come on and be honest and raw about, yourself and have this real conversation that I think needs to be had.

So let's start off with I like as you know, I like to dive right into it. Mhmm. With schizophrenia, because we we mentioned the the different things that you deal with and you battle with daily. But with schizophrenia specifically, do you hear voices? I do.

It's it's always on every day. It's just there's always a a secondary conversation. Like, talking to you now, there's a conversation going on in there. Mhmm. Like Can you share with the audience what those conversations are like?

It's not like, when people say schizophrenia, you think, like, it's telling you to go out and do all these bad, evil, awful things. Mhmm. But that's not always the case. Mhmm. Like, for me right now, it's telling me that, you know, I need to go into my kitchen and I need to do, like, I'm in school, culinary school.

I need to go and do my homework. And when I'm doing my homework, I need to do my dishes. And when I'm doing those dishes, oh my god. I you know, I have to, you know, feed and water my dogs. And after I'm feeding and watering my dogs, I have to just sell my coffee pot.

Okay. And, you know, it's just a continual you know? And some people will say, oh my god. That happens to me. It's not like that.

It's It's a higher level of it. It is. It's not an inner monologue. It's actual outside conversation going on inside your head, if that makes sense. Yeah.

So you you hear audible voices was basically it is it's it's racing thoughts, but it's racing thoughts turned into audible voices. Is am I saying that correctly? Yes. Yeah. Okay.

It's like I could I could almost, like, turn around expecting to see A person there. Standing there. Yes. Okay. But no nobody's there.

And thank you for explaining that. I asked you to explain it because I think we, you know, we hear that people hear voices all the time, and I have been guilty of making jokes about hearing voices, but I don't actually hear them. You know? I have inner dialogue all the time, but I don't know what it's like to live live with that. And I think it's important that people kinda have an understanding of what it's like, to be you.

And Yes. It's it's not always, like I said, awful or Mhmm. You know, glutton, you know, murder the world and burn them, put you on the forest, and it's not it's not always like that. Well, it's Thank you. I'm glad you you clarified that, because I do think that that is the image that people get primarily because of movies.

Mhmm. And maybe some things that have happened in society. But, again, as I mentioned in the, in the beginning with those numbers, that's a very small percentage. The 10% is not nothing, so we should pay attention to the 10%. But let's not forget the 90% is is basically what how I kinda see that.

Hallucinations come along with it for Oh. You know, a lot of people too. I've never had hallucinations. Okay. But hallucinations do come along with schizophrenia for a lot of people that do suffer with it.

Okay. That is and those are the kind that we see in the movies? Those are the kind we see in the movies that tell stories. It must be yeah. No.

There you could from my what I understand, again, I've never had hallucinations, but, like, I guess you could just be sitting there and see something and start out of control. It could be just that simple. Okay. And that's how it could, present itself. I think it's interesting that you've never had these hallucinations.

Nope. But I'm very grateful for that. You are there now you're you're on here not as an expert, in the field. You're on here just as a person living with it, and that's the conversation we're having. But I just wanna ask your opinion.

Do you think that or maybe you perhaps you do know, how many people with schizophrenia do have delusions? I I have been hospitalized. I'm sorry. Hallucination is my word. I have been hospitalized.

Mhmm. Because, like, I had gastric bypass surgery. And when you fluctuate that drastically with your weight, your chemical you know, it's a chemical imbalance, so you, you know, medication levels have to be checked and, you know, so on and so on. And my medications were off, and I was in the hospital with somebody who was having hallucinations. And Mhmm.

I had never met anybody like that, and they're it was bad. They were really bad. It was scary. And so, like I said, I'm very, very grateful that I'm not to that extreme. I mean, I've I'm with the the audio part.

I mean, it's been rough for me, but I'm very grateful that I don't have the the hallucinations. I've interestingly enough, what you just described to me with the voices, I have been told, by a person with bipolar that they experienced the same thing. And I know that you don't have bipolar, but I'm really more so saying this for the audience, that I personally was told by someone with bipolar that they experienced what you just described, which I didn't realize they were they were basically similar. From what I understand, bipolar is more inner dialogue as opposed to Oh, okay. Outer dialogue.

I'll I'll look. Like, you know, there are times where I'll look. You know? It'll be see if someone's there? Yeah.

Oh, okay. But, you know, I'll be in the kitchen and be like, hello. Okay. Okay. That is different than what she described to me.

So I I get what you're saying. Hers is more inner dialogue. Yes. I'll know he'll be there, but sometimes, you know, just just once in a while, you kinda just gotta look over your shoulder. You know?

And I I do tell my therapist about it and Mhmm. You know, my provider, you know, who prescribes my meds and, you you know, and I I do keep right up on top of all of that. And if, you know, we suspect anything is off, we're so on top of that. I have wonderful, wonderful providers. And, we're I'm I'm in there getting my blood levels checked.

I'm glad. And we're gonna talk about that a little bit later in the conversation about your providers and medication and the importance of that. But I wanna, step back for a second. And one of the reasons and talk about why I'm having this on a podcast for teens. One of the numbers that I didn't add there because I didn't wanna oversaturate the beginning introduction with numbers, but there are, most mental illness major mental illnesses such as schizophrenia start to present themselves in people's teens.

So I'm we're having this conversation right now because a lot of times, it presents in the teens, and maybe there's a teen listening that might begin to identify with some of the things Jovi's gonna talk about, or a parent who's listening or a family member or a friend who's who's, you know, recognizing what's around them. And if that's the case, hopefully, by the end of this conversation, you won't see it as a bad thing to to, confront and deal with. Because the sooner you deal with it, the better you can deal with it. So, Joby, having said that, when did you discover your when did you the symptoms for you start to to appear? I was misdiagnosed, clearly a few times, but I started presenting in my twenties.

Okay. But it wasn't until, goodness, in my thirties that I got the, you know, the right providers on board and that we they can pointed it right down for me. Good. Misdiagnosis is a really big thing, and it happens a lot. Oh, it sure does.

I I do you mind if we mention your your age or your age range? Oh, I'm 51. I will be 52 this year. The reason why I think that it's important to mention that is because her twenties was 30 ago, and our society is not the same. You know, we're not even on the same freaking planet when it comes to culture, as we were thirty years ago.

So now people get diagnosed differently, but I do think misdiagnosis is still an issue Out of it. When it comes to mental health. You agree? I I definitely agree, especially when mental health is so all of these disorders are so they resemble each other so much Right. Right.

Yeah. That they always wanna start with, you know, the most common ones first. Like you said, you had somebody who has bipolar disorder describe to you almost in the same as what I said. Mhmm. And it's the difference.

Bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are very extremely different things. There. Mhmm. And they treated me for bipolar disorder right off Joan. And lo and behold, none of the medications were working.

Right. Yeah. I wasn't getting any any quote, unquote better. Yeah. So, you know, all the medications, they were shoving down my throat.

Nothing was working. Right. I had numerous hospitalizations. Yeah. I had multiple suicide attempts.

My medications just weren't right. Oh, I'm sorry. That must have been too much for you. It was it was awful. You know, and I have children.

Right. So my children were witnessing this, and, you know, they had a mother who just didn't wanna live anymore. I was tired of fighting. Nobody was listening to me. Nobody, as far as I was concerned, was helping me.

You know? What made you get to the right providers? A friend of mine, who is a nurse said, why don't you talk to my provider? And I've been like, nobody listens. Why bother?

And he said, just just talk to her and and try. So I did. And she read my, you know, my my notes, my case notes. And she said we're gonna start from scratch, and we're gonna do blood work. And I was hospitalized twice within, say, probably about six weeks, which happens with me with med changes.

I hate you'll always hear me say I hate meds and Can't stand up to you, and that's why. And, and during that time, she put me in touch with a trauma therapist because you can't just have a regular counselor when you're, you know, screwed up. And, between a trauma therapist and the provider I have now, I am a smooth sailing. So what I hear was someone connected you with the right person. Yes.

And and they the your friend is the one that brought it up, not you? She saw me struggling. Okay. Alright. So for I'm gonna go a little out of order from the question I was gonna ask you, but Yeah.

What would you say to a youth, young adult, hell, anybody, who is dealing with the the beginnings of grasping onto their mental health like you were now? What advice would you have for them? Be your own advocate. If you don't feel something is working, don't I mean, the medications don't work overnight. They don't.

But after a few weeks, if you don't feel like anything has changed or you feel worse, even hell, if you don't if you still feel off while you're trying these meds, reach out because a lot of these medications come with that that warning on them. They could cause suicidal ideation. All these medicines are out there to help you can make it worse. Right. And it you know, parents, watch your kids.

If if you notice your child is becoming more withdrawn, watch your child. They're telling you they're going to weigh down, lock your child. Yeah. You're right. You're right.

Now we you mentioned that you have we I mentioned in the beginning, you have multiple mental illnesses, not just schizophrenia. So explain to the audience what it's like living with with multiple mental illnesses, and how do you how are you coping? Oh, it's great. Everybody should go get at least one. At least one.

At least one mental illness? Okay. That sounds like Kmart. At Walmart. Blue yeah.

With Kmart blue light special. People are probably young for that. I I mentioned Kmart because they're not open anymore, so nobody can come after me for that. I don't like a blue light special. Right.

Right. Some of the teenagers probably don't even know what that is. I know. That's what I'm saying. That thing I just dated myself horribly right there.

You know, in the morning, you know, I my meds are in my system, so, you know, you know, it it I'm consistent with them. But when I wake up in the morning, we will throw ADHD in it or two. Yeah. I wouldn't really that's more a neurodivergent thing as opposed to a a mental health. But when I wake up in the morning, I can definitely feel it.

You know, I I take medication for anxiety. At any given point in time, you know, that could affect me. So that's always that's always a, you know, a fun thing. But it just it it makes life interesting because you never know when it's gonna affect you. But I don't let it stop me from doing anything.

Let's talk about that because that is something I find very fascinating about you, Joby. I haven't even given the audience a clue. So since you were since you were diagnosed with all this mental illness, that means that you just are crazy and you can't do anything for the rest of your life. You just have to sit there and you have to sit there and take government money and just smoke and drink and fart all day. Right?

Oh, absolutely. Tell the audience, what have you done with yourself? I graduated high school, of course. Mhmm. And I went on to college.

I have a horticulture degree. I have competed in the Boston Flower Show. I placed fork in The United States for floral design. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I have I have a cosmetology license.

I am currently going for culinary arts degree. Yeah. I've done landscaping. I I I don't not do anything. I I freaking love that about you.

You guys anything, I will not try to do. And I love that about you. The more I'm talking to the audience right now. The more I've gotten to know Joby, the more I've actually at first, I thought she was just this this crazy lady from the country. But the more I've gotten to know Joby and more about her and the struggles and the things that she's dealt with in life and how she handles life, I've grown to to actually have a lot of respect for her.

She's dealt with stuff that I've never even come close to having to deal with, yet she still comes out on top and smiles and moves forward and marches on anyway. And I love the fact that she has all these issues, mental issues, but she doesn't let it let it stop her from getting multiple degrees, you know, multiple multiple degrees and working on another one. And she does have this go get them, you know, sort of personality. Now that is her personality. Personality is to and most people don't think of it this way, but it is true.

Personality is separate from your illnesses, and I think Joby is a perfect example of that. She has this strong willingness, the strong will and determination to do whatever it is she wants to do and not let these things keep her down. And she has to deal with stuff that the rest of us doesn't don't. She's take medications that we don't. She has to do things to calm herself down that the rest of us don't have to do.

But those are how she takes care of herself so that she can accomplish what she wants to do. There are times like, I I told you before this started, is there maybe a point in time where, you know, I'll signal you. We might have to stop recording for a minute where I have to, you know, I may have to gather myself together for a minute. But, like I said, I I never know when it'll happen or when it won't. You know, my what I have a service dog.

She may come and alert me because she'll know before I do if I'm gonna have a, you know, an anxiety attack. And I'm very grateful for that. Yeah. You know? It just you just you just can't.

You you can't I mean, there was a period of time, about three years where I didn't leave my house. I was scared to leave my house. Where did that get me? Nothing. I sat here and did absolutely nothing.

And then a mutual acquaintance of ours made me realize that, and here we are today. Well, I'm glad that you are here today. And then you've opened up to us about some of your struggles and what you deal with. But I think I think it's just as important that people understand that what we can't do, some of that might be true, but sometimes we need to flip the switch and focus on what we can do. And if we're determined, and you are an example of that, if we're determined, we can overcome it with each other instead of staying under it.

Yeah. Under it. And it it's so cliche. Never say never. You know?

Oh, well, where there's a will, there's a way. It's true. It's true. It's so true. It really is.

It it it really is. So for the audience, what would you say I want you to talk to a couple different people. Let's talk to the people who are around people like you right now, and they have youth, teenagers or young adults, friends, family, relatives, whatever, classmates, that they they can see something peeking up, and they just don't know what to do about it or how to handle it. What advice do you have for those people? A younger person, like, high school age.

It comes with such a stigma. Amazing, especially with everything that's going on in the world, especially in the schools and now Yeah. With all the violence in the schools, you're you're gonna get labeled. You know? All these kids are so scared of that, and they're gonna lose friends.

Or you know what? Then it really, truly, they're not your friend. It's it's so it it's really that simple. I agree. But, you know, reach out to your parents.

Reach reach out. There's so many people to talk to that will listen, and they'll help navigate you through this. Not everybody is against you. Not everybody is against you. You can walk just about anybody, literally anybody, and talk to them.

Where there are a lot of people who would turn their back, there's probably twice as many that are willing to help. I know you're gonna laugh at this. We, a friend of mine and myself went and we bagged lemons, sugar, and a tiny bottle of water, and we put on songs that said life. And we were handing these little baggies out. Think about it.

If life hands you lemons, what do you do? We handed you the means. We handed you the means to make lemon. That's cute. So there's always a spin on it.

But the point is, you you just you there's always somebody out there who's willing to help you or at least willing to, you know, make you look at the other you know? There's always another way to look at things. Right. Now what would you say to those who are the parents or the friends of someone having mental illness right now or dealing with it or maybe it's just starting to pipe up and they're just starting to see it? If you know notice something is off, no matter how small it is, if your child or your friend or your relative is acting a little more crunchy than usual, a little more, recluse, like, you know, pulled back, a little a little more, out there, like, more, what I'm trying to use, not aggressive.

I don't mean aggressive. Like, outwardly social, watch them. Because if it's, like, an abnormal behavior in any way, watch it. Because and maybe it's just, you know, a fluke, maybe not. If it persists, it could be a sign, especially with schizophrenia will pop up, especially in young men and the teens into the twenties.

With women, it's generally the later teens into, like, the thirties. It it varies. It it usually affect, men sooner than women. Yeah. I remember you telling me that.

Usually, women get all the fun stuff first. We get all the fun stuff first. But not We get all the fun stuff. Will affect, a man a young man first. But just just watch them.

And like I said, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, ADHD, all three of them have similar they all present in a similar fashion. Okay. That's important to know. It's I think the key thing you said, and I wanna point this out to the audience because I think, you know, in helping people come up with solutions or trying to help people who maybe are where you were or around where you were, Joby said a key thing, persistence. So just because they're someone's having a bad day doesn't automatically mean you're crazy.

We need to have you signed up for something. No. But if there if there's some of the the details that she mentioned are persisting in order bad day. Then that might be a clue. You know?

And if you know somebody Right. Right. I bad days too. Now people that know me, okay, and they know that I take medication, And the worst thing you can say to anybody, if they're having a bad day, don't ever say to somebody, did you take your medication? Oh, girl.

We will turn on you. We we will show you. Oh, really? Don't ever ask anybody that. So that's probably the worst thing you can say to anybody.

Oh, it does? Is is it because it comes across as condescending? Yeah. So you want me to show you what I'll act like if I don't take it? That's always why I come back to that.

I'll show you. It's like, no. I'm about to kill you now. So do so noted, I will not ask anyone if they took their medication unless I'm being sarcastic. Say that to somebody.

No one doesn't take medication. They don't get the same response. People get really upset with that. Oh. It'll look them at your side.

Oh, okay. Okay. Well, that's good to know because that's not something I would have thought about at all. For anybody who's got any kind of mental health illness, whether whether you know it or not, if you ask somebody that, it's such an it's such an offensive question. One last thing.

I know that typically if you tell someone, hey. I'm schizophrenic, or, hey. I have this or that mental illness. People's responses are usually not positive. How can we and for a person who's never dealt with someone with with any kind of mental illness at all, it can be it takes you a moment to process the information.

So it can it can take you back like, oh, I need to be scared of this person. I need I mean, people really think that think that way. Whether they should or not, doesn't matter. They do. How can that person better handle their response to you?

As you will know. I'm really open about it, because I look at it this way. Mhmm. It may it it's part of me. It's who I am.

You have questions to ask me. Right. Right. I'm not ashamed of it. And that's what I did in the conversation.

The reason we're having this episode, and I I reached out to Joby because it was a couple of years ago at this point, but she just was honest with me. And I, just in a nonjudgmental manner, was just asking a ton of questions like a curious little kid, And she answered all of them with patience and honesty, and it it really did help me to have more compassion I mean, it's not and understanding instead of judgment. Some people get really touched about it. In your situation. Feel like you're trying to pry.

But, like, how you approached me about it wasn't like, oh, so does that mean, like, you know, you're you're gonna go out and you're you're gonna, you know, kill everybody and, you know, light up the world? You know, it's it's not like that. Just because somebody has a mental health illness doesn't mean that we're bad people. It's a chemical imbalance. It's not anything that we created.

It's just the way our body works. Right. We're lacking something. You know, our body doesn't produce something the right way or overproduces something. You know?

It's not anything that we did. I mean, do you think I wanted to be this one? Absolutely not. But No. No.

And the thing is, Jobe is crazy even without her mental illness. You all need to know her. Her personality well, you can say the same thing about me. Her personality is just she's adventurous. She's gonna go out there and do whatever she wants, and she's gonna tell it like it is.

But these are the thing these are the the the attributes of her personality and nothing to do with her mental illness. Her mental illness is just on top of that. But those are things that that I that I like about her. But I I Yeah. I just thank you so much, Jovi, for coming on, and I really appreciate your honesty.

And I'm hoping that those of you listening have have your have had your mind shifted even if just a little bit to, you know, a person with a little more compassion and understanding than just being scared. Just being scared of the unknown. Just because someone is mentally ill doesn't mean they're gonna chop up your family or Nope. Shoot up them all or whatever. Sometimes they're dealing with more than you can handle.

That's pretty much it. I'm gonna leave it at that. I mean, we're not we're not bad people. Nope. I think there are lots of bad people in the world.

Some of them have been doing this and some of them don't. That's that's a whole another, problem. Yeah. You're right. But it's you would no one's bad just because they have mental illness.

And and I I really appreciate those of you who I've had personal conversations with, that have shared their mental illness with me because people just still need to share personal things with me all the time. But people have shared things with me that have given me insight into what they deal with, and I I see that as, wow. I don't even have to deal with that, yet you are functioning, and you were doing really honestly more than most, in dealing with all of this. To me, I think that makes you a badass, and I have a lot of respect for you just knowing all of your details. So thank you for coming on, and my hopes are that somebody listening right now who's maybe beginning to struggle with mental illness, be honest about it and get the help you need because some of us are more interested in understanding and helping than judging.

More than willing to help. It just like me, if anybody were to ever approach me, I would take you by the hand and, you know, be like, oh, this is where we need to start and and go from there. You know? And a lot of a lot of parents will do that for their their child. It it's just it's it's just the way it is.

You know? I have children that have mental health issues. It's just what you do for your child. And, you know, with me having a mental health disorder, I can spot it from a mile away in my own children. You know?

So as soon as it presented, boy, was I on top of it with them because it was not gonna escalate. I refused. And, you know, it was hard for them to accept, but, you know, once they got on board and I'm I'm very happy to say my children are very diligent, and they are very productive members of society. That is awesome. Right there.

That's beautiful. Thank you, Jobe. And now for a mind shifting moment. As you heard in today's episode, we talked about mental illness. And in particular, schizophrenia is one that people tend to be afraid of and, you know, think all these things about.

Oh, and they're just crazy. Well, some of those quote unquote crazy people are dealing with things that you're not. Guess what? They're people too. But let's take this thought beyond just schizophrenia and mental illness.

You don't know what people are dealing with. There are people around you right now who struggle just to survive and be, quote, unquote, normal on a daily basis. I wanna leave you with this thought. Take the time to try to understand. Make a strong effort at trying to understand people instead of just judging them.

It really matters. It really matters. Thank you for listening to mind shift power podcast. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the mind shifter. If you have any comments, topic suggestions, or would like to be a guest on the show, please visit FatimaBay.com/podcast.

Remember, there's power in shifting your thinking. Tune in for next week.