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How Arelys Beat Insomnia and Found Trust in Her Body Again | Ep 37

Beth Kendall MA, FNTP Episode 37

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0:00 | 32:04

Arelys’ struggle with insomnia began on a family vacation when she found it hard to sleep at a noisy Airbnb. Upon returning home, she thought her sleep would return.

But that’s not what happened.

Instead, she went through many more months of struggle trying desperately to understand what was going on with her sleep.

Finally, she found the mentorship and while skeptical at first, she soon realized that it’s entirely possible to recover from insomnia.

In this episode, Arelys shares her journey:

  • From being a good sleeper her whole life to having sleep anxiety
  • How frustrating it was to be tired and NOT tired at the same time
  • How Reddit left her more distressed than ever
  • The moment she found some random lady on the internet and found her people
  • How her response to insomnia was causing more suffering
  • What she did to process some of the anger she felt about insomnia
  • The powerful role of self-kindness in the process
  • Why simply allowing whatever shows up during recovery is what allows it to go


I loved every second of this interview.

For Arelys, the mentorship wasn’t just about better sleep. It was about living the life she really wants to live and understanding her own power in making it happen.

Enjoy!

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Full Show Notes & Transcription HERE.

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About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP: 

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.™ has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights. 


© 2023 - 2026 Beth Kendall

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Mind. Body. Sleep.® with Beth Kendall is your trusted source for holistic insomnia recovery, blending neuroplasticity, nervous system health, and mind-body coaching to help you finally sleep again.

SPEAKER_02

Hello and welcome to Mind Body Sleep, the podcast for anyone out there who wants to understand and recover from insomnia using a holistic perspective. I'm Beth Kendall, your host. Let's get started. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the podcast. I am most honored to be joined by one of the Mind Body Sleep Mentorship alums today. Her name is Aurelys. Welcome, Aurelys.

SPEAKER_01

This is so cool. I've listened to this podcast for months, and now I'm here. This is so great. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02

You are here, and I'm so glad you are. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to come and share your story with us. There is so much connection that comes with a story. And I think a lot of times when we hear other people's stories, we feel so much less alone with what we're going through. So we really, really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, reading your story when I signed up for your emails was what I remember feeling emotional. And I forwarded the email from you to my friends, to my husband. I translated it into Spanish for my mom because you articulated what I had been experiencing in a way that I couldn't yet. And so, yes, stories make a big difference.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, they do. And I'm I'm so glad you found me. You know, I'm always so curious how people, you know, land in the mentorship. So if you don't mind, you know, telling us a little bit about how, you know, how insomnia started for you and how you found your way to us.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so there are two parts to this. Part one starts in the spring of 2023. My family traveled to Mexico City. It's one of our favorite places. We live in Chicago, so getting away in February is excellent. And when we were there, we were in an Airbnb that was alongside a very major road. And I'm from Chicago, so street noise isn't something I'm particularly sensitive to, but turns out that the street noise there was on another level. So now I know a lot about noise pollution because I would Google it in the middle of the night there. We ended up switching Airbnbs, and the next one was louder. And this fear, this panic started in me because I have a four-year-old daughter, and at the time she was three, and I was a stay-at-home mom. And so I would get really scared that I wasn't going to be able to take care of her. And so I sought out some help at the pharmacy. I was like, hey, like, I'm not sleeping. This is really weird. And I think they gave me like a CBD pill, I don't know, something to sleep. My like back was hurting. I was like, something is really off. We eventually get to a quiet Airbnb. I'm sleeping, and then we come home after a month, and I am unable to sleep. And I'm 36. So for 35 years, I had slept great. Like I loved sleeping. It was my favorite thing to do. And my husband would say, Oh, well, I'm so jealous. You lie down next to me and you say, All right, good night. And a few seconds later, your breathing changes. And I thought, like, what is what's happening? I thought that I left that behind that those Airbnbs. We went to three separate ones. So I thought I left them at the first two. Yeah. Um, and so I think my I put pressure on like coming home that that would resolve everything, but something had changed. So I tell my doctor, I'm not sleeping. Like it's like 4 a.m. I'm still awake. I'm full on panicking. I'm I'm tired, but not tired. I can't figure it out. And I go to my primary care doctor because I had to get like a some test to be a volunteer at my daughter's preschool. And I tell her, like, hey, I am not sleeping, but I'm really scared of medication. I'm scared of becoming dependent on it. I'm scared of it not working. And she's like, I'm gonna give you some ambient. Uh, you have Xanax for your fear of flying. Uh, so fear is something that lives within me. Um, you should use that when you're feeling that panic. And I said, Okay, she said, but I think it's a mental thing. So you should maybe find a therapist. So I did, and I found a wonderful therapist. And after a few sessions, not specific to insomnia, I was sleeping again. And I thought, okay, it's been like, it was a weird month, like, but we like I'm okay now. And so I sleep, I'm I'm still in therapy. I sleep all summer, it's going great. And then I think, well, I'm ready to quit therapy. And I tell her, thank you so much. I'm ready to use all my strategies. I have my toolkit, and by toolkit I mean Ambient, Xanax. Yeah, yeah. No real tools yet until the mentorship. We'll get to that. So then that's October, and like two weeks later, after saying goodbye to my therapist, it comes back and it is full force. Not like, oh, maybe one night I might not sleep. It was every night I would maybe fall asleep for like an hour and a half at the end of like around like 5 a.m., I think because I just physically couldn't anymore. Yeah. And I attributed it to things like I was like, oh, well, we're hosting people for Thanksgiving. I must just be a little stressed. Oh, well, Christmas is coming up. I must be a little stressed. My daughter's birthday is on New Year's Day. I and we're having friends over. I'm stressed. And I was using something to help me sleep every night. It was like a little, like I would spin something and it would decide what I would do that night. And that was not how I wanted to live my life. And I was scared that it would stop working. And lo and behold, one night, Ambient did not work. And that was so frightening for me. Um, that had been my biggest fear. And suddenly I was like, oh, I'm so screwed because the thing that's like really strong for this isn't working. And that's when I end up in the horrible place called Reddit.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. We've talked about this before. Yes, yes. Uh-huh. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You join the insomnia subreddit, and people are like, I've been an insomniac my entire life. And I was like, I'm in this club, and this is not a club I knew existed. It's not a club I want to be in. And I was just like desperate, desperate. It got to the point where I would, I would text my husband, hey, it's two, I'm I'm still here. Hey, it's three, I'm I'm here. Yeah, it's four, uh, I'm falling apart. Uh and I I one day like finally told my mom, and that was really helpful because, and now that I make so many connections to the mentorship, I told her she left work because I called her crying in the morning, and she said, You're gonna come sleep upstairs. We live in a building and she lives in a different unit. And she gave me tea, she gave me, she would rub like lavender oil on, you know, all you know, all the tricks I'm referring to. Yeah. But I was able to get some sleep. I was like, I can't look at blue light, I have to like be all of these things that I was trying to implement. But it it worked a little bit, and I and I attribute it to the sense of safety that my mom. Yep. It was none of it wasn't the lavender, it wasn't the tea.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it was the safety that came with all of that and with mom. Yeah. And probably telling her about it. Yes, sort of lifting that off yourself, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Telling you, I don't, is it embarrassing? I can't tell. Like it's like weird. I felt well, this is where I I find you, and I'm desperate on Google, like finding anything that will help. And I I had been so mean to myself. I was like, I'm broken, my brain is broken. What a loser. Who can't sleep? Like, who falls apart in this way? Like, I've sleep trained a child. How come I can't do this to myself? This is so weird. And so in the middle of the night, sometime, some evening in the winter, I find you and I first start doing my research because I was skeptical. I was like, who's this random lady on the internet saying that she can help me? Like, yeah, and so I signed up for your welcome email, and I told you that letter was so like you use terms like hyper-arousal. I don't know if that was in the in the letter, but I found your podcast. I was listening to it, and I was like, this is this is my people. This is exactly what I've been experiencing. But I had a couple of hesitations. One was a fear that it would be like toxic positivity, that you'd be like, you just need to believe you can sleep. Like she tells me that I just need to believe I can sleep. That is not gonna work for me. And then the other part was I was hesitant to invest in myself. Um someone who like grew up without health insurance, without disposable income in our family. And so the thought of investing in something that would help me was very scary, even if I had the resources. Yeah. And so we get to March 19th, there's an election in Chicago. I'm an election judge. You work from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m. And I didn't sleep that night at all before a 16-hour shift. And I told my husband, and he's like, You'd have to sign up. Like it's not, we're not gonna just gonna talk about this bath lady anymore. You're you're gonna meet her and you're gonna do the one-on-one sessions, and we're gonna figure it out. Yeah. So that's how I got here.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Oh, I'm so glad you found this random lady on the internet.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and on Reddit, they've asked about you. Someone's like, hey, like, what do you think? And no one has no one had responded yet. Someone said, I saw that, I saw her, but I don't know. And so I still I don't use Reddit because of the insomnia. Yeah, yes, very insomnia subreddit, but I do need to go back and tell them that you're the real deal.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's so yes, do you know? I remember talking to you about this, and I'm a little scared to, you know, Google myself on Reddit, you know, because who knows? Who knows what they're saying in those insomnia forums. But I am so glad you made your your way to the mentorship. And, you know, everything that you're describing, of course, is is just so understandable how you were, you know, you were on vacation in 2023, and that's that is when some fear became associated with being awake at night. And you had, especially, you know, never experiencing anything like that and just really identifying as such a such a good sleeper prior to that, you know, that can feel really, really rattling, you know, really rattling, like what is going on? And then, you know, getting back home, and and then there's that little bit of expectation, like, well, this should be resolving, you know, why isn't this resolving? And then, you know, moving towards the therapy and then getting better and then pegging, oh, it was the therapy. You probably thought, oh, it was the therapy that helped me, you know, or whatever external force we connect to starting to sleep better.

SPEAKER_01

That's exactly right. It was all I was seeking external. And I think, you know, that's a little preview of what's to come. That yeah. Turns out it wasn't external. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02

And I think what was just missing in that was just the proper education about insomnia and how it happens. And again, it's just so understandable because we think of insomnia as primarily a physical problem, but it's really just a physical expression of a fear that's going on in the mind. But, you know, we just no one tells us that. So we keep barking up the wrong tree. And so you found the mentorship, which I'm so glad you did.

SPEAKER_01

Me too. Me too.

SPEAKER_02

And you came in, and and then what happened?

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so the mentorship, I decided to do the one-on-one sessions with you because I was just so desperate. And I joined the community with other folks. And again, I was I was skeptical and I was like, did this Beth lady make up all of these profiles that are going to have their own stories and are they real? Because like I was just so worried because I had been so alone in this. The thought of there being other people that were experiencing something either identical or extremely similar, I couldn't believe it. Yeah. And so I join the community, I and I get the lessons. And the lessons, you do such a great job of organizing them in a way that you tell us, like, hey, like, we're not gonna solve this in this first lesson. Like, and I'm not gonna give them all to you at once. Like they get released to you every week. So you have time to let the information settle and to let it sink in. And it all connects to what is coming next, and you reference a lot of like a variety of like science, and you do a great job of creating analogies that make sense. And so in those lessons, I was learning about how my brain can take a problem and my reaction to the problem, for example, is what can lead to something more terrible than it needs to be. So I would share some of these things with my husband as I was going through the lessons, and I felt like there was I had this realization that I wasn't the person that I used to be. I had become a really negative human being. I wasn't very happy. I was a stay-at-home mom, and I'm so grateful for that privilege, but it wasn't a dream of mine. It's something I fell into. And I was no longer enjoying it very much, but I was hesitant to admit it. And I would wake up and feel like dread about the day. This is even like without the insomnia being a part of it. But I realized that I wasn't living the life that I had wanted to live. And and I used to be, and I am now, somebody who is very happy. Like I I'm scared of planes because I I'm scared of dying, because I want to be here, because I enjoy life. And so I felt like in your lessons, it wasn't just talking to me about sleep. It was also talking to me about the way that I approached life in general. Yeah. Uh, there were some connections. Like my husband had read like a book on Buddhism, and I like read something, I told him something from the lessons, and he was like, Oh, yeah, that's like a really great philosophy about how people can um, and you can uh enhance on this because I haven't needed the lesson, so which is a good thing. Um, but about how you respond to something can like create more suffering. Yeah. And how there's gonna be pain, right? Like I might not, I'm not gonna sleep, and so maybe I'm really tired and I'm like uncomfortable. But when I was so angry about it, it it was just so much worse. Yeah, yeah. So that was like a really wonderful lesson. More lessons on just how we the thought of self-kindness.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I guess I remember you talking about this, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I was so mean to myself, yes, yeah. And I was, and I'm like doing air quotes here, like I was failing at something, something so basic, like sleeping. Yeah, and so I was so mean to myself, and at night at like 2 a.m. I'd say really mean things to myself because I I that's all I knew. And so this to me, it was such a radical idea to be kind of yeah, and then speaking of radical, also this idea of like accepting, like be radical acceptance came that came from you know our one-on-one chats. We we would talk about, you know, hey, like what are you? You would ask me, like, is there something on your mind? And I'd say, yeah, I like I get really scared at night that I'm not going to sleep, even though I've been sleeping. And you would you said to me, that's okay. Because I I wanted to get rid of the fear, whereas you and Coach Richard tell us that we need to accept those feelings because we are people and we feel things, and it's okay to feel fear, yeah, you know, it's it's okay to feel sadness that I wasn't sleeping, but that sadness and that fear, I was like taking it to like another level that wasn't cute. It was it was being mean to myself, it was being mean at mad at everyone who did sleep. Yeah. So I got bitter. Whereas now I'm like, oh, yeah, that I I can be kind to myself and I can just accept my feelings, and then they they go away.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they just pass all on their own. We don't have to do a thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I know that's such a, you know, I think that's largely what this journey through insomnia is, is just remembering this other option is that wait a minute, we can just allow these things to be there and they'll just pass on their own. And, you know, it's almost like just remembering that's always an option, because I think we're so used to either, you know, getting mad at ourselves or judging our thoughts or our feelings or, you know, whatever our brain is making them mean and getting tangled up in that, you know, or trying to stop them or resist them. And that's really where the suffering comes in, is in that part versus just the the thought or feeling itself, which will just naturally pass all on its own. So yeah, that that's a a big part, a big part of it for sure.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and like I said, these are lessons not just related to sleep, they're lessons related to how I want to live my life. Yeah. And I I know that you you always tell us like you should be living the life that makes you happy. Like, don't avoid seeing friends, don't let this impact your day-to-day so much, right? That like your night already is hard. Like, how can we still have those pieces of joy in your life? And and I felt this is like the part where, so I am historically someone who's like, I think like little quotes are silly, you know, like positive things, mantras, uh-huh, journaling is dumb, manifesting thought, all of those things. Like I was like, no, that's not. And now I'm not, it's not like you know, like the woo-woo stuff. There's like it's nice to be someone who I started journaling because of the mentorship. Yep. And it was so nice putting down my thoughts when I was angry onto paper. Yeah. And now I'm going to implement that with my third grade students. Uh because putting your feelings down on paper can be so powerful. It gets it out of you. Yes. I read, you know, like a positive quote, and I think, oh, that feels really nice. I'm gonna like lean into that. I did a like a yoga class yesterday, and it said like something about life and is manifesting beautiful. I don't know, something about life being beautiful. And I was like, Yeah, it is. But before I was like, okay, yeah, life is beautiful. What how is that gonna help you? Like it was yeah, I was so negative, but I don't know how I got there. But I insomnia I think was a wake-up call for me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, oh yes, yes. I hear that, I hear that often. And I remember, you know, I remember you saying that you were you were able to sort of see your own mindset shifting. Throughout the three months. You know, it was like you were kind of like able to observe, like, oh, it's so interesting how I am making these shifts, you know, being kinder, perhaps seeing more of the beauty, trusting the unknown. I remember uncertainty. Yeah, it was a big one too.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, the unknown. That was, you asked me one time, you said, it sounds like when I said I was afraid of weather every day around like 8 p.m., I'd think, okay, am I going to sleep tonight? Am I going to sleep tonight? And you said, it sounds like you're afraid of the unknown. And I don't know if I had been living under a rock, but that blew my mind. And I brought it to my therapist and I said, Hey, coach Beth. It was like it was like a team effort, my therapist and you. And it all went hand in hand because I would say, you know, she brought up the unknown. And then I realized I'm in my personal life, I don't know where my daughter's going to go to preschool. I don't know what I want to do for work. I don't know what my schedule could look like. I don't know where we want to live. I don't know. I was living in a lot of unknowns, and unknowns make me deeply uncomfortable. Yeah. And so that has been something I've been exploring outside of the mentorship. Yep. And it has been so wonderful because you said to me, and maybe you can recall, you're so good with words. You said something, you're like, what if we reframe that? And instead of the unknown being scary, the unknown is full of possibility. The unknown is how you got so many wonderful things in your life. And that's so true that, you know, I didn't know I was going to meet my husband. I didn't know that I was going to get this wonderful job that I'm starting tomorrow. I didn't know that taking a woodworking class would lead me to really wonderful friendships. So many unknowns can lead to great things, but I was focused on the scary things.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah. I remember you saying, you know, you become so focused on the tree that you forget the forest. Like you forget the forest of life. And all the magic that can come in the unknown is sort of like just following the breadcrumbs of your life and trusting what it's going to show you. And, you know, that I remember saying that's where all the magic is, is is in the unknown. You know, that's where the magic, that's where the magic lives. And um just reframing.

SPEAKER_01

And at 36 years old, I feel like there's like a missed opportunity for people to learn these lessons. And it took something like insomnia to get me to this place where I now think, okay, is my reaction serving me? How can I radically accept my feelings? Am I causing myself more suffering than the pain I already have? Is this unknown going to like, can I handle this unknown? Um, is there a chance that something magical comes out of it? These are things that I didn't live my life like that before this.

SPEAKER_02

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. This one thing about insomnia is it will take you places like that that you wouldn't have gone otherwise. And I guess this is a really good, you know, place to ask, like, what were or were there? I mean, there, you've already shared so many insights, but like what were some of the silver linings that that came from the experience of insomnia?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I would rather never have experienced it.

SPEAKER_02

Like I've heard of the other person saying I remember Gemma saying, oh, you know, it was hell.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not gonna lie, but like last night, I haven't had a night since I've left the mentorship since I graduated that I haven't slept. And that is so wonderful to me. But I have had nights where I haven't fallen asleep until later than I thought I would.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

And I trust my body. Um that is something I learned because of insomnia. I had never had a relationship with my body in the way that I do now. Now I know how my brain works. I I read a book called The Untethered Soul that was again self-help books. I was like, that's not me. Ew, who does that? And now I read one or two, and that in that book, it's all about the voice in your head. Yep. And the voice in my head during insomnia was, oh, it that was brutal. And so to know that I can quiet that voice, that I can talk to it with logic, that I can tell it, like, hey, that thing that you're thinking is actually not true. Yep. That is really powerful. And that came because of insomnia. I didn't, I like knew that I had thoughts. Obviously, it sounded so silly to say, I know I had thoughts. I've I can stop thinking, but I didn't know the relationship I could have with my thoughts. Yes. That's exactly it. Yes, yes. And then this thing you told me when in our last call, which I said, I'm scared, I'm scared of the fall because in the fall last year is when I thought I was okay. Yeah. And then I wasn't. And you said, you know, your brain does make associations, but you can change them. That's the neuro, the beauty of neuroplasticity is that that filing cabinet is not forever. Like it may have a file in there that says, Hey, in October, we might struggle to sleep. Yes. But I can build a new file folder. I can get rid of that file folder.

SPEAKER_02

You can update the file, girl. It's like we are creating our future brain from the now moment. So when that file comes up, there's no need to worry. You just update the file. Like, here's what's going on. You don't need to, you don't need to bring up this file. We're we're creating a, we're, we're, we're changing the document here.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. Like last night, I used to go to bed around like 10, 10:30. I'm starting a new school year. I haven't been a teacher in eight years, but I'll be a teacher again tomorrow. So exciting. I'm so excited. And there's a lot on my mind. And it was 11:30, and I was like, I should be asleep by now. And I could feel like a little bit of panic coming. And I said, your body knows how to do I like actually talk to myself. Yep. You know how to do this. You sleep just fine. And if you can't, you have so much to do that you could get up. I don't know what happened after that because I woke up at 7 a.m. So I don't, it works being kind, accepting, trusting myself, but you have to both like you can't lie to yourself.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly. It has to come from an organic place because the unconscious knows, you know, and we don't need to, we don't need to lie to ourselves. We can just let everything unfold exactly as it needs to. And, you know, we always think of hyper-arousal as like associated with this fear and anxiety, but you know, hyper arousal is also comes from good things like excitement about a new job and new things in life, you know. So it isn't, it isn't all bad with hyper arousal, and and that's completely normal to to have some, you know, a little bit of wakefulness due to good things as well. So that's good.

SPEAKER_01

Putting a name to it. You have no idea what a I I know you know because you see in the community all of us saying, wow, just being able to put a name to that feeling. Yep. Is like the first step in all of us, like realizing, okay, now that we know what it is, let's learn how to deal with it.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. I I know what you're talking about because when I heard that word, it's amazing how validating a single word can feel. But I was like, yes, that word just perfectly describes what my brain feels like. So I get it. I really do.

SPEAKER_01

Um I'm so grateful for you. You're one of my favorite people in the world.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, thank you so much, Aurelys. That means just the world to me and that you've come, you know, full circle from listening to the podcast to being on the podcast. And, you know, I think this is a good place to conclude this just super powerful story of hope. And thank you again for being here and being a part of the mentorship and a part of my life. It's always great to, you know, reconnect with you guys after you've graduated. So thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you. And and I know that you know it could happen again, right? And that the mentorship will always be there for me if I need it. Yeah. It's nice to not be in it, but I do miss the community a lot.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, I know you made some some close connections in in the community. And I think that's great. You know, it's just great that we can help each other out and know that you have people that know exactly what you're going through. And I think that's really that's really priceless for when you're going through something that you feel like no one else can relate to. So the community is a wonderful, wonderful part of the mentorship.

SPEAKER_01

You've done something so wonderful for us. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_02

Well, you are so welcome. And for anyone tuning in, thank you so much for joining us. I'm Beth Kendall, and this is the Mind Body Sleep Podcast. Be well. Thanks for being here today. If you love what you heard on today's episode, don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe to the podcast. And if you need more support with your sleep, join me in the Mind Body Sleep Mentorship. This three month one-on-one program will transform your relationship with sleep so you can get back to living the life that you love free from the fear of not sleeping. Head on over to bethkendle.com for more details. I'll see you next time.