Breaking Up with Insomnia | Ep 41

In this episode, I’m talking all things metaphors and what it looks like to break up with insomnia.

It’s not about quick fixes (they don't work anyway). It’s about unraveling the deep neural pathways that keep us stuck.

The journey out of insomnia, much like moving on from love, is messy and nonlinear.

It's very up and down.

One day, progress feels real. The next, it’s like: “When am I ever going to over this??”

But as we rewire our brains, life gets bigger, and insomnia gets smaller.

Eventually we fall out of insomnia the same way we fall out of love.

Join me for a raw, metaphor-driven view of how to finally "break up" with insomnia so you can live a life where sleep doesn’t define you.

Connect with Beth Kendall:

 👉  Instagram

Work with Beth Kendall:

👉   Start the Free Insomnia Course

👉   Learn About the Mentorship

Full Show Notes and Transcription

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! 🧡


About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP: 

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights. 

© 2023 - 2026 Beth Kendall

DISCLAIMER: The podcasts available on this website have been produced for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. The contents of this podcast do not constitute medical or professional advice. No person listening to and/or viewing any podcast from this website should act or refrain from acting on the basis of the content of a podcast without first seeking appropriate professional advice and/or counseling, nor shall the information be used as a substitute for professional advice and/or counseling. The Mind. Body. Sleep. Podcast expressly disclaims any and all liability relating to any actions taken or not taken based on any or all contents of this site as there are no assurances as to any particular outcome.

Mind. Body. Sleep.® with Beth Kendall is your trusted source for holistic insomnia recovery, blending neuroplasticity, nervous system health, and mind-body coaching to help you finally sleep again.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

Hello and welcome to Mind Body Sleep, the podcast for anyone out there who wants to understand and recover from insomnia using a holistic perspective. I'm Beth Kendall, your host. Let's get started. Hello, hello, hello. How is everyone doing today? It's great to be with you on this beautiful fall day in October 2024. I have just returned from the dog park, which is one of my favorite places on the planet, so it's all good. And for anyone new tuning in, welcome. My name is Beth. I'm a sleep coach for people with insomnia, and I view insomnia primarily as a conditioned hyper-arousal response versus strictly a physical problem. And I tend to approach insomnia through a neuroplasticity lens, as this was the understanding that got me past 42 years of insomnia. Today's episode is all about the process of leaving insomnia. Now, something you may not know about me is that I have always been captivated by the role of metaphors in the human mind. And I tend to think in metaphors myself, but from past education, I've learned that people tend to be drawn to metaphors in the outside world that mirror their inside world. And this insight became especially clear to me during a coaching session when I was working my way out of chronic illness. My coach asked me what my favorite movie was. And even though I had didn't really understand why she would be asking me that question, it was an easy answer because let's just be honest, The Shaw Shank Redemption is one of the best movies of all time. So I told her the Shaw Shank Redemption, of course. And when she asked me why that movie resonated so much for me, I went on to describe Andy Dufresne's meticulously planned and well-executed escape from prison and why I found his journey so inspiring. And I won't give away any details for those who haven't seen it, but let's just say it wasn't exactly an easy escape. So then she posed a really powerful question. She asked me how that movie paralleled aspects of my own life. And my jaw just dropped because Andy Dufresne's struggle represented the kind of path I thought I had to take to do basically anything in life. And this path was always hard and always a struggle. Then she asked, Well, what if you actually didn't have to crawl through a sewer and escape your life and struggle so much just to have what you want? And that was one of those light bulb moments for me because I suddenly saw all the patterns I was repeating in my life, of which insomnia was one of them. Although at the time I didn't see it yet because I was still convinced there was something physically wrong with me. But my love for that movie, which I subconsciously viewed as a metaphor for my own life, gave her a glimpse into how I was mentally framing my own life experience. So that was a really long tangent about metaphors, but I have always been fascinated by the metaphoric mind. And I wanted to share that story because today's episode revolves around a metaphor that I think captures the process of leaving insomnia really well. And this metaphor came about during a coaching call, as they so often do. Shout out to Elizabeth if you're tuning in, when she asked me a question I've heard many times over the years, which was, how do you know when you're truly over insomnia? And the answer that came to mind that day was that overcoming insomnia is a lot like falling out of love. And then I thought, oh, this would be a really good thing to share on the podcast. So here we are. But I described falling out of insomnia to Elizabeth that day the same way I would describe falling out of love. And when I say falling out of love, I'm going to talk about it from the lens of going through a breakup. Because in many ways, getting over insomnia is a lot like getting over a breakup. And of course, this process is going to look different for everyone. Some people start sleeping better relatively quickly and move on with their lives. But for many of us, it's a much more winding road with progress showing up in really subtle ways versus this clear-cut moment of victory. So let me walk you through this from a neuroplasticity perspective, because that's just one of my all-time favorite subjects. But neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to rewire itself based on new experiences. So both love and insomnia involve neural networks that become deeply ingrained into our daily lives. When we're in love, it's all the pathways associated with that person that light up consistently, becoming almost a part of who we are. And it's kind of the same thing with sleep. Insomnia can become intertwined with our identity when the brain registers sleep as a problem because it's something we have to deal with on an everyday basis. So the more emotionally charged the experience, the more significant it becomes, and the stronger the neural connections. But then a shift happens. In love, it's the breakup. And with insomnia, it's the beginning of the recovery journey. People take that first step by listening to the podcast or joining the mentorship. And in a lot of ways, this can be an exciting time because things finally start to make sense and there's a lot of relief that comes with that. But then just because we understand the problem doesn't necessarily mean that those old pathways automatically die off, right? When you think about the early stages of a breakup, even if you logically know that the relationship is over, your emotions don't just instantly fall in line because you're still emotionally wired to that person. So the pathways can still fire off with the same intensity as they did before. And it's the same way with insomnia. And this is that really painful stage of the breakup where it feels like you're always going to be in this stage. You don't see how you're ever not going to feel the way that you do, and you're not convinced that you'll ever truly recover from anything. But ever so gradually, things do begin to change. The first time you do something without that person or go to a place you used to visit together, it can feel like you're rewriting old memories, which you literally are, because new experiences start to weaken old neural connections. And with insomnia, it might feel like it's still there, always lurking in the background, waiting to come forward, but maybe it's starting to lose its grip. Or maybe for the first time, you start getting a glimmer of hope that you might actually be able to move past this. And it's very normal to experience a tremendous number of ups and downs during this messy middle phase. One day you're confident you're moving forward and you're like, yep, I am totally going to get through this. And the next you're convinced that things will never change. It's almost like you're living with two different versions of yourself, depending on how well you sleep. And then as more time passes, the memories of insomnia, much like the memories of a past relationship, start to fade. Waves of the past still show up from time to time, but when they do, it doesn't dominate your existence like it once did. You might even find that you're starting to get a little bored by the topic of sleep and you don't feel the urge to dissect every sleepless night like you once did. There's also a gentle acceptance that comes with this phase because you realize that no amount of searching for answers is going to change the situation. So it becomes much more about moving forward through life and changing the way you're meeting the experience of insomnia. Now, the amazing thing about neuroplasticity is that as you unlearn old patterns, you're also learning new patterns. So the more you focus on things that really matter to you, the stronger those neural networks become. You're literally rewiring your brain to prioritize different experiences. Eventually, the old fears show up less and less. And even if they do show up, they don't pack the same punch. So instead of being gripped by panic, you approach them with a lot more curiosity or even a sense of detachment. The thoughts of what if this never ends, and will I ever be okay again start to sound a lot less convincing in your mind. Life gets bigger and insomnia gets smaller, and eventually you start to forget what it was even like to have insomnia. The emotions tied to the experience start to soften. And instead of feeling anger or resentment, you start to see the situation as a source of growth or wisdom. It no longer feels like the enemy and instead becomes just a chapter in your life. And then many years down the road, which is the case for me now, trying to recall those old feelings related to insomnia becomes almost impossible. You can't fire off those mental pathways no matter how hard you try. And that, my friends, is my personal metaphor for breaking up with insomnia. Thanks for tuning in to the Mind Body Sleep Podcast. I appreciate each and every one of you. I'm Beth Kendall, signing off for now. Be well. Thanks for being here today. If you love what you heard on today's episode, don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe to the podcast. And if you need more support with your sleep, join me in the Mind Body Sleep Mentorship. This three month one on one program will transform your relationship with sleep so you can get back to living the life that you love free from the fear of not sleeping. Head on over to BethKendle.com for more details. I'll see you next time.