Rewiring Sleep Anxiety (Encore) | Ep 61

In this episode, I explore what I consider the single most powerful tool for overcoming insomnia — your response. When it comes to long-term recovery, it’s not about finding a magic sleep trick or trying harder to force sleep. It’s about how you respond to the experience of insomnia itself.

We’ll look at what happens when the brain’s hyperarousal system misinterprets sleeplessness as danger and how to shift that conditioned response back toward safety. You’ll learn how cultivating awareness, compassion, and curiosity rewires the brain through self-directed neuroplasticity — and why it’s not about doing more, but about doing less and trusting your body’s innate wisdom.

If you’ve ever felt trapped in the cycle of trying to sleep harder, this episode offers a refreshing and hopeful perspective that can help you step off the hamster wheel and truly recover.

Takeaways:

• Your response is your most powerful recovery tool.
• Safety, not effort, is what restores natural sleep.
• Compassion and awareness are the antidotes to hyperarousal.
• You can teach your brain that it’s safe to sleep.

Related Episode Links & Resources:

Episode #1: Redefining Insomnia: My 3 Core Philosophies
Episode #16: How to Use Indifference to Overcome Sleep Anxiety
Book Recommendation: Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

Connect with Beth:

 👉  Instagram 

Work with Beth:

👉   Learn About the Mind. Body. Sleep. Mentorship
👉   Start the Free Insomnia Course Here

Show Notes HERE.


About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP: 

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights.

© 2023 - 2025 Beth Kendall

DISCLAIMER: The podcasts available on this website have been produced for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. The contents of this podcast do not constitute medical or professional advice. No person listening to and/or viewing any podcast from this website should act or refrain from acting on the basis of the content of a podcast without first seeking appropriate professional advice and/or counseling, nor shall the information be used as a substitute for professional advice and/or counseling. The Mind. Body. Sleep. Podcast expressly disclaims any and all liability relating to any actions taken or not taken based on any or all contents of this site as there are no assurances as to any particular outcome.

Mind. Body. Sleep.® with Beth Kendall is your trusted source for holistic insomnia recovery, blending neuroplasticity, nervous system health, and mind-body coaching to help you finally sleep again.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

Hello and welcome to Mind Body Sleep, the podcast for anyone out there who wants to understand and recover from insomnia using a holistic perspective. I'm Beth Kendall, your host. Let's get started. Hello everyone. Super warm welcome to the podcast. I hope you're doing really well. Today we're talking all about the most powerful tool you have at your disposal for overcoming insomnia. Some of you may already be familiar with this tool, but you might not fully understand how it works or why it's so effective for long-term recovery. And I'm going to talk about this tool specifically in the context of conveying safety to your hyperarousal brain. And what is the hyperarousal brain, you might ask? Well, hyperarousal is the mechanism that turns on in response to danger, both real or perceived. And in the case of insomnia, or the way I approach it, we're working with a fear of not sleeping, which has become conditioned over time. So even though there's nothing particularly dangerous about going to bed at night or waking up at night, the brain has started to interpret these events as a threat to your survival. This activates the stress response and explains why sleep becomes a disappearing act the minute you hit the pillow, no matter how sleepy you were on the couch. And believe me, I lived with this bizarre hyperarousal response for most of my life. So I understand how insanely frustrating it is, especially when there are no outward signs of fear or anxiety, which is definitely the case for some people. But let's be real, it's frustrating whether you have obvious hyperarousal symptoms or silent hyperarousal. It's all a pretty bizarre thing to experience. Now, most approaches for insomnia focus directly on sleep itself. So the primary focus is on making sleep happen. And sometimes there's some temporary benefit to these approaches, but they don't usually work long term because ultimately they're not addressing the root of the problem, which is the conditioned arousal response that's getting in the way of sleep. So that's what I help people do is rewire the fear response that's getting in the way of sleep. And we do this by looking at the primary drivers, which is typically our thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, and perceptions about sleep. Going at it from this angle is really what allows you to get beyond it for good. So you don't have to keep spending so much time, money, and hope on things that aren't really serving you long term. So one of the things that I talk about in my program in terms of unlearning this perceived danger response is sending messages of safety to your brain. And what's truly amazing is that thanks to the principle of neuroplasticity, our brains are changeable. This is a core philosophy of my approach, which you can learn more about back in episode one. But we have the unique ability as humans to facilitate this change, meaning we can use the mind to change the brain. And this is the process known as self-directed neuroplasticity, which just happens to be one of my all-time favorite topics. And I'm going to tie this in in just a moment. But the name of this podcast is the number one tool for insomnia recovery. So, what is that exactly? And how do we use it to shift a danger response towards a safety response and teach our hyper-arousal brain that it doesn't need to keep firing this fight or flight response at night when we want to go to sleep? Well, that tool is our responses. Your response to insomnia is by far the most powerful tool you have at your disposal when it comes to overcoming insomnia. So, what does that even entail? Well, how do you respond to your thoughts? How do you respond to your emotions? How do you mentally and emotionally meet the experience of insomnia? Typically, with insomnia, we're just reacting on autopilot based on the information we have. And this is why an accurate understanding of the problem is so important, because it creates the foundation for how to respond in a more helpful way. In fact, education alone will do a lot of the heavy lifting for you because your awareness of the problem just changes so completely that it organically shifts how you respond. Now, changing your response to insomnia doesn't necessarily equate to more effort, right? It actually means less. I think when I talk about responses, a lot of my type A high achievers go right for Pressureville, right? A lot of us who develop insomnia tend to be very focused, goal-oriented people. So our minds go straight to the idea of responses as doing more, right? Trying harder, going to battle, just tell us what we need to do. But it's actually the opposite of that. It is about doing less. It's about taking this off your plate and trusting more. It's about self-compassion and understanding your own brain. These are the kinds of responses for insomnia that open the door for sleep to come. You don't have to take responsibility for your sleep because your body already knows exactly how to do it all on its own. Okay, so what does all of this look like in practicality? Let's apply an example and look at how responses play a role in the recovery process. Let's say you had a really crappy night, or you've got a bunch of anxiety thoughts just rolling in during the day, or you had to take a sleeping pill. Is the response to these scenarios something along the lines of, oh no, or is it more like, oh well? One is going to confirm danger, and the other is going to confirm safety. Because remember, insomnia is driven by a perception of danger, right? The brain is trying to look out for you based on the current information it has. It's a total act of love on behalf of your survival system, which is not a big deal. Our brains can develop fears around so many things, right? Flying, heights, water, dogs, graveyards, crowds, public speaking, the list is pretty much endless. I still have fears in my life, even though I don't have insomnia. No biggie. But we can give our brains new information. And that's where responses come in. Now, the thing to understand here is that if we respond to these hyper-arousal messages of danger that our super amazing brain is sending us with more fear, doubt, and worry, and tell ourselves things like, it's hopeless, nothing's ever gonna work, I'm the worst case out there, my brain is broken, there's got to be something physically wrong with me, which are all very normal thoughts to have, by the way, when you're in a tough stretch. But this can reinforce the danger response, right? So we're unintentionally confirming the brain's perception of threat versus understanding where our brain is coming from. It's just trying to keep you safe based on its perception of danger, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's accurate. So we can give it new information. Oh well, whatever. There's my brain at it again. If you want to learn more about cultivating an attitude of indifference during insomnia, you can go back to episode 16, where I do a deeper dive into how to acknowledge brain messages without getting overly phased by them. But oh no and oh well are very different responses in terms of teaching the brain that it can let go of this fight or flight response. Because remember, the goal isn't necessarily sleep, right? Sleep can't really be a goal because it's a beautifully passive process. Although it's obviously a very welcomed byproduct of this work. But what we're really shooting for is reshaping the brain's interpretation of danger because the hyperarousal that stems from that is what's getting in the way of sleep. This is such an important distinction to understand. So a lot of times people will say, but Beth, there's no way I can apply this when I'm in extreme states of fear or panic. And they're absolutely right. You can't. In those moments, your brain is telling you to fight or flee, which requires a different approach. And I'll discuss that more in a future podcast. But for many of life's scenarios and situations, this concept can be applied. And it's often applying it to your life during the day that will transfer to a less reactive experience at night. And I'll add that there's no such thing as perfection in this process, and you cannot do any of it wrong. Whenever you're in doubt, drop into self-compassion, because this is truly one of the most powerful responses and ways to guide your brain towards a sense of safety. I think one of the best representations of this concept is in this wonderful Buddhist teaching called the Two Arrows. There are two arrows. The first arrow is the bad thing that happens. And the second arrow is how you respond to that. And you control that second arrow and whether it hits you or not, and whether you suffer from it. And this teaching has always stuck with me because we do have control over how we perceive certain situations. As horrible as the first arrow is, and a lot of that is out of our control, we still have control over how we respond to it and how things go from there. So if we attach ourselves to the pain of the first arrow, continue to think and focus on all the things that have gone wrong and dwell in the bad luck of the first arrow, we just invite that second arrow straight in. But if we pause, maybe take a breath, give ourselves a moment to reset and choose a different response, we can save ourselves the pain of that second arrow. The famous philosopher and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankel frames this idea so beautifully with his quote: between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response. And if you haven't read his book, Man's Search for Meaning, I highly recommend it. It will change your life. But our power is in that space, and that's the key to avoiding the second arrow. And it's also how we wire the brain out of insomnia. As always, thanks for joining me today. Please do leave a rating and review for the podcast. That helps me out a lot. Until next time, I'm Beth Kendall and you've been listening to the Mind Body Sleep Podcast. Bye for now. Thanks for being here today. If you love what you heard on today's episode, don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe to the podcast. And if you need more support with your sleep, join me in the Mind Body Sleep Mentorship. This three month one on one program will transform your relationship with sleep so you can get back to living the life that you love free from the fear of not sleeping. Head on over to bethkendall.com for more details. I'll see you next time.