"My Body Will Remember How to Sleep" — Emily's Story | Ep 65

Emily’s insomnia started with a single sleepless night. She’d stayed up late before, but always on purpose. This time, the choice wasn't hers. And that loss of control left her feeling scared, confused, and convinced something inside her must be broken.

What followed next was a cycle she didn’t understand: long nights, constant clock-watching, dread as the sun went down, and days shaped entirely around preventing another bad night. She turned to movement, routines, and eventually medication, but nothing brought lasting relief.

Sleep became the center of her life.

Her turning point came when she realized she couldn’t keep rearranging her world around insomnia. Inside the mentorship, she learned about hyperarousal, let go of rigid rules, and began loosening her grip on sleep.

Slowly, her nervous system settled. What once had her spiraling felt less threatening over time.

Eventually, trust came to the forefront again. Her insight captures it perfectly:

“Of course my body will remember how to sleep.”

Today, sleep is no longer something she chases. It happens naturally while she lives her life.

Enjoy!

Follow Emily:

👉  Instagram
👉  Tik-Tok

Connect with Beth:

👉  Instagram 

Work with Beth:

👉   Learn About the Mind. Body. Sleep. Mentorship
👉   Start the Free Insomnia Course Here

Show Notes HERE.


About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP: 

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights.

© 2023 - 2025 Beth Kendall

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Mind. Body. Sleep.® with Beth Kendall is your trusted source for holistic insomnia recovery, blending neuroplasticity, nervous system health, and mind-body coaching to help you finally sleep again.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

Hello and welcome to Mind Body Sleep, the podcast for anyone out there who wants to understand and recover from insomnia using a holistic perspective. I'm Beth Kendall, your host. Let's get started. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to this very special episode of the Mind Body Sleep podcast. Today I am joined by another amazing human who has been through the mentorship. I am so glad to have her with us today. Her name is Emily Harrell. Welcome, Emily. Thank you, Beth. I am so excited to be here. I am so excited to have you. And thanks for making this work on the Thanksgiving week. And just to give the listeners a little bit of background, it has been a minute since you came through the program. I think it was back around the end of 2023, was it? Does that sound right?

SPEAKER_01: 1:08

Yeah, I was gonna say 2022 or 2023. It's been, I think it's been about two and a half years since going through the program.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18

Yeah, that sounds about right. And, you know, it was such a delight to have you with us because you yourself are a somatic practitioner and quite knowledgeable about the mind-body realm. And I get to see your updates on Instagram every now and again, but I haven't had the chance to sit down and really hear how you've been doing since the program. So I am looking so forward to hearing all about it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:45

I am excited to yes, catch up and just go through everything. I feel like there's been a lot of updates in the last couple of years and just, you know, ebbs and flows with my sleep, as you know. And so I'm excited to catch you up with everything.

SPEAKER_00: 2:02

Okay, good. I can't wait. All right. So if you wouldn't mind just telling us a little bit about how insomnia started for you and what that experience was like.

SPEAKER_01: 2:16

Absolutely. Yes, my journey with insomnia has been challenging, as it is for most. And I experienced insomnia really for the first time. I want to say it was about three years ago. And what's interesting is in your mentorship, you mentioned these attributes where I have maybe experienced insomnia even prior to that, which I felt going through your mentorship was very true. But the real, I would say, like the realization where I struggled with it was yes, about three years ago, and I was just going through a lot of changes in my personal life and my work life. And I was struggling with, you know, financial security, and I wasn't having much structure in my day-to-day. I was working on my business full-time. And at that time, I was just going into a state of dysregulation. And I had started working a part-time job at a coffee shop, and the hours were really early, which hadn't been an issue for me prior. I was a morning person, and I just remember having this one night before I had to work this shift, and I was training. It was like 6 a.m. And I remember just not being able to fall asleep. And it was a full sleepless night where that was the first time I experienced like a 24-hour period of not being able to sleep. And that morning, I remember looking at my partner and just feeling so emotional and confused and lost, and like something was wrong with me. And you talk about that feeling broken, and I was like having a mental breakdown, and I was very confused with what was happening and why I couldn't fall asleep and feeling very helpless. And that's where I think things really happened for me, and that is what like activated and triggered that cycle. And that was like the beginning of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 4:50

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that makes so much sense. And I think it isn't at all uncommon for that relationship with sleep to shift just from a single night like that. And I'm sure that felt very, you know, to never have had a sleepless night before. I'm sure you were wondering like, what is going on? What is wrong with my brain? Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 5:13

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 5:15

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 5:16

So what happened then? So then I was working with like my primary care doctor. I was, I would say, turning towards sleep medication. And I just remember feeling so hopeless. And I actually remember in the middle of the night finding you and reaching out to you. And we had a call, but I wasn't ready to, I think, make the investment quite yet. And so I did your free course. And at that time, I was just in this cycle where I felt like I had to use something outside of myself, such as like sleep medication, which again, there's no problem with that. Like I needed that for self-care at that time, but just felt like I needed something outside of myself in order to fall asleep. And I would find myself like laying in bed at whatever time, 9, 10 p.m., not wanting to, for example, take that medication. And I would have this internal conflict. And then I would end up taking it and then feeling like this guilt or shame cycle. And then it added more stress. And I was just feeling so fearful. And like I remember it'd get dark outside, and I would be dreading as it's getting later in the day, and just feeling like my whole life really was starting to surround around the sleeplessness. And it was very interesting to go through because you really do, I feel like, lose yourself in that process and it can be all consuming.

SPEAKER_00: 7:00

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Do you feel like, Emily, when you had that initial sleepless night, that that experience was just very, very scary and that sort of made that imprint for you? What were the thoughts that were going through your mind when you experienced that?

SPEAKER_01: 7:18

Yes, I would say that night definitely, I don't, yeah, I don't know. It like it struck something inside of me that did feel really scary. And, you know, I've had sleepless nights prior to that, but in a different way, right? Through choice, through intention versus this was something that felt very out of control. But because I was in that hyper arousal, like activated state, I did feel scared. I remember my heart rate was increased, like physically, those types of sensations. I remember having to use the restroom a lot too. Like it was like my body was like in that hyperactive state. Yep. And the thoughts that were coming to mind, it was like something I always struggled with, and still it comes up is for me with the sleeplessness, specifically around time counting. That is huge. So when I was in that state, like looking at the clock, obsessing about every single, you know, minute that's going by. And I feel like that was really consuming. And I couldn't like get my mind off of not getting sleep. It's that's like what I was focused on.

SPEAKER_00: 8:37

Yeah. Yeah. Makes so much sense. So, okay, so you had the sleepless night, and then you mentioned that's when you started seeking out help and also like something outside yourself. And I love that you brought up all the different kinds of conflicts that can show up around the subject of medications. You know, we could almost do a whole podcast on that. But okay, take us, take us forward where what happened from there? So you're getting, you're seeking help, you're getting some medications, and you had inquired, we had talked, and and then what happened? Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 9:20

And then I want to say for three or so more months, and I was living somewhere else than where I'm living now. I was living in Oregon, and I was just trying to work through things personally. I was, you know, waking up and I would go on runs and try and like move my body and do things that would support my nervous system. And I think looking back, a lot of it was the intention to do those things to produce sleep. And that was something I have learned now. Um, but at the time I was trying to do these things to support myself. And it w it was rocky. I'd have some really good nights. Yeah, it I'd have some really tough nights. And then fast forward, I moved to Denver and I, you know, I got a job here. And then starting a new job back kind of in the corporate world added a lot of, you know, security, stability back into my life. Yeah. But with that, I was having to go to the office, you know, at 8 a.m. And I started to find myself in this new job having sleep anxiety about like, well, what if I, you know, get a sleepless night and then I have to go into the office? And I had this almost new anxiety, right? And so that's where I had reached back out to you. I think it had been maybe three or so months to then go into the mentorship. And that's where I feel like things started to really change and evolve and just like having so much deeper understanding and education. Yeah. And I will say too, what was interesting about your program is I remember talking to you thinking I wanted this one-on-one coaching, and that's what I needed, but that's not fully what you offered. And so I was a little resistant, but then it was actually like going through the program that was what I needed the least was our one-on-one time.

SPEAKER_00: 11:41

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And everybody's different on this, of course, but that's very common, is people think that they really need a lot of a lot of one-on-one work. But it's just it turns out to be exactly like you said, and when the program started, it did include, I think the initial creation of it included those one-on-ones, but people actually didn't need them as much. And then so I kind of brought it down to being, you know, the option without the one-on-ones. And, you know, people were doing just as well as as the one-on-one option. So yeah, I think that your experience with that is is very typical with the mentorship. Yeah. Okay. So you're we have reconnected now. It's maybe three and a half months since we talked the first time. And you're in a more regular job, like a more um a corporate job, you know, with a more consistent schedule, which offered you more stability, but was also bringing up different kinds of anxieties. So you're coming into the mentorship. And did you prior to the mentorship, did you ever go down the CBTI rabbit hole? I can't remember. I didn't.

SPEAKER_01: 12:51

We had talked about it. I had read a book and I cannot remember the name of it that brought some of that into play. Okay. But I remember when it happened for the first time, I found you pretty quickly. And so I remember just not even trying to go that route because I knew that wasn't going to be the best solution to create like safety in my brain.

SPEAKER_00: 13:19

Yeah. I just from what I know of you, I can see where you would recognize this for what it is versus going down the strict, rule-based, rigid path of CBTI. So I'm glad you found me when you did, and you didn't have to go through years of looking and barking up the wrong tree, so to speak. Yes. I'm grateful for that as well. Yeah. So okay. So you've come into the mentorship, you're getting the education. And what what were the some of the things that started to shift? Or what were some of the belief systems that maybe started to change? Absolutely. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 14:05

I think the education of just understanding what was happening as far as this hyper-arousal state and the sleep anxiety of this pressure that I was, it's like a form of performance anxiety that I was experiencing. And I just remember some of the first things in your mentorship of taking the rules away essentially and being able to not have this rigidness around my bedtime routine, because you talk about that as well of like people who struggle with insomnia oftentimes have really good with leap hygiene. Yeah. And exceptionally, you know, to a point where it can actually create the anxiety itself. And so that was a huge aha right there. And I remember you doing, it was also in the earlier parts of your program. I don't even know how to describe it, like the sleep score of you put the sticky note on the, I'm trying to remember what it was exactly, but there was something, there was this thing you had shown, this like almost like diagram to make it super digestible. And that actually was the thing that really clicked for me. And I I just remember the shift started to feel like I can almost loosen the grip. I don't need to control something that's a passive process, a passive behavior. I felt like by easing up and letting go, which is really, really hard to do. But when you really start to understand, it becomes more natural to be able to let go. And that's where I feel like things started to shift for me. I got more, I guess you could say, yeah, control back of my life in a more healthy way where I was feeling like sleep was becoming less and less consuming. And I was able to do things that I, you know, once was able to do without letting it take over. And sure I would still travel or have things come up where I'd have pockets of it. But I think it was the understanding and education that allowed me to also not spiral after a sleepless night, where it's like, okay, now I'm scared again and letting fear be all consuming. It was by being able to acknowledge, okay, I had a sleepless night. That's okay. I survived it before, I'll survive it again. And, you know, and then being able to just know it happened and move on. And that allowed me to like reshift my energy back because the speed bumps are normal. And it's when I like let them, I think would let them consume me.

SPEAKER_00: 17:08

Yeah, that would create like that spiral. Yeah. And I think that's just so normal in the beginning, especially. And and oftentimes, you know, even several months in, you know, it it was quite a while before um I stopped having speed bumps. And I guess, you know, in a way I still have them, but I don't view them as speed bumps. I just view it as more of I just had some bad sleep or some disrupted sleep or the interpretation around it has changed so much. Okay. So I wanted to ask about in terms of, you know, the way the mentorship is is designed, it's sort of like a series of perspective shifts over over time that is really designed, it's it's designed to sort of bring you back to having that faith in your own body, you know, and knowing that your body does know how to do this. And do you feel like that part of it has changed for you? Like it's almost like a a remembrance or a recognition that nothing really ever changed in terms of your ability to sleep. It was more just you went through this really difficult experience with the sleepless night, and that created a fear. And it was just really working through that fear. But ultimately, do you feel like you have reconnected that your body really does know how to do this and can't ever forget?

SPEAKER_01: 18:31

Yes, I would say so. And, you know, I do believe that when you're going through it, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to feel like you will get back in a place of being able to trust yourself and trust your body. And yeah, you know, it is that ability because your body will show you too when you start to have better sleep or nights where you're sleeping a little bit more. I think the brain recognizes that as proof. And it's like, oh, actually, yeah, this is this, like I'm able to sleep again. This is okay. And I think for me, it was really just understanding like the only reason that I'll have like at the core a sleepless night is because I'm in this hyper arousal state. And that's my body just doing what it needs to do in that moment to protect itself because it's for some reason, you know, feeling activated. And so I think understanding that in itself is like, of course, I'll be able to sleep again again. Of course, I'll be able to, you know, have my body remember what it needs to, because that is simply just a moment of my body doing what it's supposed to be doing to protect me, even though I don't need quote protecting during that time.

SPEAKER_00: 19:58

Yeah. And I know that you were very open about your experience on Instagram, or I'm not sure if you're on other social media platforms, but was this about the time that you were sharing with other people what you were going through, or was it prior to this?

SPEAKER_01: 20:15

I shared with people on TikTok specifically, pretty openly when I was going through it. And now I still share things just because, as you know, it almost is like it takes one to know one because if you haven't experienced insomnia, you don't really understand it in the same lens as someone who has gone through it. And so, you know, now I share it pretty openly because I feel like I still have, you know, moments or speed bumps occasionally. And I when that that experience is so true for me and just something that was really challenging to navigate, like it brought a huge emotion, an emotional experience with it. And so for me, even though I've been able to remove some of the emotion as time has gone on and as I have been able to trust my sleep more, I think being able to share from a more grounded place and from a lens where I've experienced both. I've experienced kind of the other side as well as going through it. And I hope people find me so they can find you. And I I've expressed that to you too, just when people do reach out to me, being able to direct them to you because yeah, you've you've helped me in that.

SPEAKER_00: 21:48

I re I remember that your videos were really resonating with people. And I think anytime you can just be honest about it because just like you said, you know, unless you've gone through insomnia, it can be a really difficult thing to to understand. Yeah, I love that you did that. And thank you for recommending people. I really appreciate that. So do you feel like, and just to sort of like look at what can be taken from the experience in terms of of life and just understanding a little bit more about yourself? Do you feel like insomnia gave you that? Or do you feel like you learned things about yourself with that experience? I love that question.

SPEAKER_01: 22:34

And yes, I have learned a lot just around how powerful the mind is and how much of a thinker I am. How much how much I can think and how yes, powerful the mind is. And and I remember when we did have one of our calls, uh, going through, you know, having a conversation around really unlearning and changing our neural pathways. And it's just neat to know our brains. I think the term is is it perm permable? Permeable? Yes, or something along those lines where it's able to, and I might be butchering that, but just able to adapt and change and un and rewire itself. And I think you don't really like sure I could hear that cognitively, logically, but to actually go through an experience where that is happening was really neat to be able to almost witness my own way of thinking and the evolution of my thoughts and processing. And so, you know, learning about my own mind, what I actually have the power to do when I am in a state now, whether it's sleep-related or just something that's all-consuming, being able to actually work with myself and also hold myself through that uncomfortable experience and you know, know that's part of the resilience to the other side. And so, yes, it's been challenging, but I also feel that it's allowed me to expand in just like my resilience window to go through uncomfortable things to be able to work with my own mind, uh, even though it's yes, sometimes it's not easy, but also a gift as well.

SPEAKER_00: 24:40

Yeah. Yes. Well, welcome to the thinkers club. I'm right there with you. You know, I think most of us that have gone through insomnia are in that club. And I wouldn't want it any other way, to be honest. Thank you for sharing that. And, you know, I remember after you left the mentorship, I was, you know, watching where you would go and where life would take you. And I'm really curious to hear like what you have been up to since the mentorship. I remember when you got really into Joe Dispenza for a while, and I was so interested to hear your perspectives on that. And so give us just a little bit of like what you have been up to since the mentorship. Yes, Joe Dispenza.

SPEAKER_01: 25:22

I read a couple of his books, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. And you actually were the one who introduced me to him. And his work I I like. I feel like it, there's some controversy with him, but I feel like I like that because I think he is thinking in a way that a lot of we haven't necessarily societally got there yet. So I like his work. I think it's so interesting. And as far as what I've been up to, I'm like, it's been a couple of years. So I feel like there's been a lot of changes, but also a lot of a lot of things that haven't changed. And so I'm still in Denver. I, you know, took actually a little bit of a break from my business this last year, just going through some personal changes, which has felt really good for me. I have been with the same corporate job since I started. I've been promoted into more of a manager role now. And I have been loving my job, which has been really good outside of my business. So being able to, you know, have that has been really good for me. And I'm trying to think what else I've been up to. And just as far as like continuing to go deeper into somatic work, and even though I haven't been doing as much facilitating in the last year, I have been essentially my own client, just working through things myself with some big life changes and just being able to, you know, go deeper into my own work by working through different somatic practices, breath work, being able to, you know, do more movement meditations and just finding ways in which to essentially go deeper into my own work before re-engaging with clients.

SPEAKER_00: 27:22

Yeah. And I I have zero doubt that you are like the coolest manager ever. And I love that you know, you're really enjoying your job right now. Like that's fantastic.

SPEAKER_01: 27:32

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 27:33

Yeah. Well, okay. So if there was one message that you would want listeners to walk away with today, what would that be, Emily?

SPEAKER_01: 27:44

I would say if I could give the listeners one message, just knowing that meeting yourself where you're at right now, and this journey is not linear, and you can do hard things, you can hold yourself through these feelings of discomfort, even though it's painful, even though it's scary. And when you are able to meet yourself where you're at and really start to understand and what you're experiencing without adding pressure to solve or fix, you'll be able to work with yourself. And over time, that will allow you to move through whatever this experience has been like for you. And insomnia is a challenging thing to navigate, and it's really, really hard to go through when you're in it and you really can't see the other side. But it's so important to meet yourself where you're at because I just remember wanting to fix it, fix it, fix it, and like have it fixed. And it adds so much pressure and it adds this timeline and it makes you feel like you're broken, which is just not true. And so taking that pressure off and being compassionate through that process.

SPEAKER_00: 29:08

Oh, yeah, compassion's a big one, a big one. And I love that idea of meeting yourself where you're at as you're moving through. I love those words moving through, because everything changes. You know, we were always moving through. And it's more how can we support ourselves as we're moving through? And really the compassion is huge. Well, okay. This sounds like a good place to wrap up our episodes. But Emily, tell everyone where they can find you.

SPEAKER_01: 29:40

Yes, I am, I would say, more active on TikTok, and that's my longer form content. And I do post things just around my sleep, my experience, and I'm also on Instagram. I'm a little less active there today, but you can find me at both platforms.

SPEAKER_00: 30:00

forms at the dot quantum dot creator. The quantum creator. I love that name so much. Anything with the word quantum is going to be right up my alley. All right. And I'll link those up in the show notes for everyone, but I can't thank you enough for coming on, my love. I know that you just celebrated a 30th birthday. Is that right? It is, yes. 30 flirty thriving. I love it. I really can't wait to see what you do with the next decade. And I I'll be watching and for everyone out there listening, thanks a lot for joining us. This is the Mind Body Sleep Podcast. We'll see you next time. Bye for now, Emily. Bye, thank you. Thanks for being here today. If you love what you heard on today's episode, don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe to the podcast. And if you need more support with your sleep, join me in the Mind Body Sleep Mentorship. This three month one on one program will transform your relationship with sleep so you can get back to living the life that you love free from the fear of not sleeping. Head on over to bethkendle calm details. I'll see you next time