BIG SIS ENERGY
Big Sis Energy is a safe place for the girls! Each episode has ultimate slumber party vibes with real advice from your fav TikTok Big sisters, Makenzie and Malia. On Big Sis Energy the girls will talk about everything from relationship advice to toxic friendships, mental health, and how to be the best version of yourself.
If you are craving some sister tea time, tune in and chit-chat with Makenzie and Malia.
So sit back. Relax. Grab some popcorn and let's get this slumber party started!
-Love your internet big sisters 🤍
BIG SIS ENERGY
Unveiling Sisterly Struggles: An Emotional Journey through Hormonal Imbalances and Mental Health
Ever found yourself reflecting on the journey of self-growth and wishing that you could reach out to your younger self? That's exactly what we embarked on in this reflective exploration by reading what we wrote to our younger selves with the amazing Taty Coakley, host of the 1-800-Self Love Club podcast, check out our episode with her @Taty Cokley on YouTube. We navigate through a whirlwind of emotions, revealing personal stories from our trip to LA for a hair campaign with Briogeo, and delve into the intriguing world of behind-the-scenes filmmaking, combined with the heartwarming feeling of family-like partnership with Briogeo.
The adventure doesn't end there. We bravely tackle the emotional rollercoaster of hormonal changes induced by trauma, and the isolation that came with it. In the shadow of these hardships, we unravel the delicate threads of our sisterly bond. We expose the raw reality of our struggles with hormonal imbalances, and confront the frustrations of medical negligence, sharing our experiences with you in the hopes of enlightening others who may be on a similar journey.
This episode concludes on a powerful note, as we confront the necessity of addressing mental health concerns. We stress the critical role of a strong support system, opening up to your therapist, and making mental health a priority in your life. By sharing our personal journey, we hope to shine a light on the interconnectedness of mental health and hormonal imbalances. We wrap things up with a Q&A session from our listeners, and a special shout-out to our social media followers. So, buckle up, and get ready to embark on this enlightening journey with us.
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https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/big-sis-energy/id1702408819
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TikTok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@makenzieandmalia?_t=8g9dwCMGDu7&_r=1
Especially as a woman, you know when something's wrong with your body. Yeah, and I did Like I knew immediately, because when I first started having these symptoms and things were going wrong, like it was a night and day, like I was fine one day and then after that it was like it was hell, terrible. You know You're listening to Big Sis Energy. Welcome back to VIXX's Energy. I'm your host, mackenzie, and I'm your other host, malia, and today we have a super exciting episode because we just got back from LA, we're back in Arizona and we're ready to get back into the VIXX energy. Yes, it's weird because we've been gone for like 10 days and I feel like I haven't been at the studio in a long time Like a month, I know and I'm like this is our what fourth or fifth episode. So I'm like, hey, guys, I'm excited to be back Me too. But I'm super excited for today's episode because we're actually going to be talking about mental health and we're also going to be reading letters that we wrote to our younger self. Because, guys, this okay. So if you guys don't know Tati Coakley, go watch her YouTube videos. She is a sweetheart, she has a podcast and I think we were her second episode, but it was so cute, oh my gosh. I had well, we had the best time just hanging out with her. In general, I was like the fact that we met her the day before we went on the podcast. It didn't. It felt like we'd been besties for like a long time. I was like are you her sister or no? She was literally giving sister vibes and when you meet someone like that and it's super genuine and a natural interaction, it was like dang, like there are, there are good people out there and she's super fun, super genuine, and it was cool to be on her podcast just to see how she hosted it and everything. But she did such a good job. I was like what the heck Like? Everything was pink, the whole studio, it was adorable, but basically what she had us do, she had us write letters to our younger self and we got super emotional. So we ended up like crying You're bawling our eyes out. I did not expect to get like super deep and emotional and, as a host, like she really did a good job of asking us the right questions and also like getting that emotional side out of us, because we didn't go into that episode expecting to bawl our eyes out, of course, but we did and I'm like, oh, it was just. Honestly, it was kind of healing, it was a good experience. And, anyways, her podcast is called 1-800-Self Love Club, which is so cute, like that's how I love it, I love it. So if you guys want to go watch that episode it's already out Make sure to go watch it.
Speaker 1:Like, should we kind of talk about and update you guys what we were doing in LA? We're not to LA for a hair campaign with Briozio, we can say it now. I know. Before we were like, oh, hush, hush, like we can't say anything, but now we can, and we were part of their campaign. We did like a whole photo and video shoot. Oh my gosh, we actually did an interview too, which we didn't. We weren't ready for the interview, but on set everything was so professional, like it felt like we were on a movie scene.
Speaker 1:It was very intense and I was a little nervous you too. I was not necessarily nervous for the modeling aspect of it, but once we got mic'd up and they had the three, two, one action Kenzie, malia, take one I was like what is going on? I know I was like, oh, this is the real deal, like I was not expecting that. And the fact that they had like all these different camera angles and like camera crew, like this one lady had this entire I think it was like a 35 pound camera. It was insane. Hooked up to her and she was like this little tiny girl. I was like, how are you doing this? I know it was so cool to see the behind the scenes of it and like what goes into like filmmaking and commercials and all of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so there was what 30 plus people there. Yeah, there was a whole. I mean probably more than 30. Yeah, it was intense, but, honestly, seeing the behind the scenes of it was inspiring. Yeah, and everyone there was so authentic, so genuine the makeup team, the hair team, the photographer everyone made us feel like bosses. Like bosses, but also like a family too, and the fact that we met everyone that day was crazy. Well, everyone made us feel super kind of at home and just like a family and, like Kenzie was saying, everyone was super genuine and authentic and I felt like it made the partnership feel so natural. Yes, like I was like this is, honestly, probably the best partnership we could have ever done in our career. Oh my gosh, it just worked so well. And for one I'm not going to lie to you guys We've used Briozio for a minute now. We put them in so many of our videos. When we transform Mikael's hair from braids to curls, we use the scalp revival, like this was just a very organic partnership and it's products that we love. So of course, we were like when they wanted us to model for their campaign, I was like huh, yes, what. I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1:And also, too, like the story behind it CMO's daughter. First of all, the CMO she was amazing, she was so sweet, she was super cool. But her daughter actually came across and she watches our TikTok videos and she was sending her mom our videos in math class and she was like her mom got mad. She's like why are you sending me TikToks in math class? Like you should be in school. And then she was like no, just watch them. Like these girls are using your hair products, they're using Briozio. She was like, oh, like what the heck? So she checked it out and that's how she came across our channel and our page and basically how we booked that gig. Yeah, I was like what the heck? Like you just never know who's watching on social media. Like that is so insane to me and the fact that it was her daughter and you guys. We got to meet her daughter.
Speaker 1:She was at the shoot. She was the sweetest girl ever. I think she was 14 years old and she was so sweet and I'm like thank you for sending our video to your mom, because this wouldn't have happened without you. Literally, that's what that's. The cool thing about the internet is like you just don't know who's watching, like you don't know what opportunities and experiences it might bring you. Yeah, so that's what I love about social media as well, because I was like that is just it still blows my mind. Like because I know we've told this story a few times, but now that we're saying it on the podcast, I'm like dang, like that really happened, like it did not feel real. It didn't and I think we've told time even, I think, until the pictures come out and until we see, like, where all the pictures are, because there's like a percent chance that it could be on a billboard in Times Square. So if it is, I know we are for surely going to New York just to stand underneath the billboard. Like obviously, obviously have to, but I don't feel like it'll feel real until I see all the pictures and I'm like that's me, that's my curly hair, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:And the fact that the lighting and everything, oh yeah, so like it was perfect. It was perfect, like it was perfect. Every single person on this team was so professional and they knew what they were doing. They had it down pat. Yeah, so like we, we looked good, like it on, like every angle that sounds kind of weird to say, but like they just the lighting was perfect. Like the makeup artist did their job, the hair, the hair team like it looked edited without any editing. We I remember the girls before us that did the shoot. They were super sweet and we had a dinner with them and they were showing us the behind the scenes and I was like there's no way this is unedited. Like they looked airbrushed, I know. So I was like, wow, like we're working with a good team. It was perfect.
Speaker 1:So that was our week. Last week. It was amazing. I'm so excited. We went to Disneyland too. That was fun With Brioje.
Speaker 1:I'm like y'all took us to Disney. Come on now. I was like what? That was so cool and I feel like it brought back like my childhood I was like, oh my gosh, I feel like a little kid again Really. I mean, it was, it was amazing. I still am like giddy just thinking about it.
Speaker 1:I know we are going to read our letters to our younger self. I'm so excited for this. I'm like I hope I don't cry because when we were on the podcast I was freaking, tearing up. But I feel like today, I feel like I won't cry just because, too, I feel like I want to read it. Well, but also when I was first writing it, I just felt those emotions super strongly and I feel like I still do. But, like in the moment, it was like so real, it was so real, yeah, yeah. So I think right now we're just going to read our little letters and we're going to talk to young Kenzie and young Malia.
Speaker 1:So okay, dear little Kenzie, you are in Los Angeles right now. You came on a work trip with Briozio, a hair brand. Surprise, you wear your curls now. We are grown up for you. You work with big sis and you love it. You have a great relationship with mom and dad. They love you so much and have always just wanted the best for you. You have a man who loves you with all his heart and you love him more than you could you ever thought you could love another human. He supports all of my dreams and goals and is there for me when I fall down. You have 4.1 million besties on TikTok and you talk with them every day. It is the most supportive group of people and they were there with you when you had no one. They were your outlet. That's all I have time for. But love big Kenzie. It's getting a little misty in here. I'm like it's just.
Speaker 1:When I first wrote this, it was when we were in LA and it was right after the shoot and everything was very fresh and new and real. Five years ago, four years ago, three years ago, a year ago, six months ago, I would have never expected to be doing a campaign like that or to be in the position that we're at right now with such An awesome audience. Like, honestly, you guys like I feel like we're best friends, like I'll talk to you guys in the DM, I'll talk to you all in the comments and I always feel like it's just the best group of people and I've said this before. But like, yes, social media can be a bad place sometimes, but I don't know how we found the perfect little pocket of people who are so supportive, so encouraging, like I just couldn't ask for anything more and like I feel so grateful for that. And the fact that, like Tiktok is our job too, is crazy. Like imagine thinking that like three years ago, like actually, like that's crazy. No, it's insane because I mean, we literally started in high school and Just for fun yeah, just for fun. And the fact that we like accidentally stumbled upon a Dream career is insane. Like I feel I feel so blessed that we can we can't even call this our job, you know, I know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when she first read it and made me cry, we were both like tearing up. I I thought I was gonna start crying during mine and I did, but like I was already crying before I know. But I feel like that was so good to like talk to you, have us right Little notes or like a letter to ourself. I know that was. I was like it's such a good idea. It felt healing. It was kind of like you look back on your life and you're like Wow, like I've come so far. But also she was saying to like not to neglect your younger self and like still kind of have those conversations.
Speaker 1:Writing a letter to yourself, I feel like, was the best way to kind of remind yourself and remember what has happened. And because you can, you can really get caught in the moment sometimes and be down on yourself. Even when things are going well, you can be like oh well, I could have done this better, I could have done that better. But honestly, like taking the time to reflect and see, oh my gosh, a year ago I wasn't the same person. Yeah, and I've grown so much. Every single day. It's like getting better at Anything in life, just like becoming a better human, becoming a better woman a little bit every day Makes such a big difference over six months, over a week, over two months, right, you know, like it really does add up.
Speaker 1:No one, like you were saying too, it's so easy to be like, oh, yeah, like you were saying, being down on yourself. I feel like that's so easy to do. And then when you really actually take the time to think about what has happened, it's like, oh, I can really like cherish those moments and really see how I have grown, and even like thinking about Us in five years from now. We're gonna look back and be like let's write Letters to our younger self young 19 and 20 year old Kenzie and Malia like we're gonna be in a different place in Five years than we are now. Yeah, and who knows what that looks like, but it's so cool to like be in the present and just appreciate what we have. Yeah, and Look back and be like, oh look, kenzie little Kenzie would be cheering is on right now.
Speaker 1:And the crazy thing is, too, is Kenzie and I have grown up loving social media and Admiring the people that were. You know, youtubers and stuff like that don't win. When we were younger like in high school, before we even did tick-tock we were obsessed with YouTube and I was like man, this would be such a cool job, but I never thought I was like, oh, that is like a dream, but that would never happen. And the fact that it is, yeah, crazy to me so dang well, so you want to read your letter to your younger self. I'm like I Wish I rewrote this because obviously could have sounded better and it's like super messy. I was like I should have rewrote this, but this is the raw, authentic, first words that I wrote. So, all right, here we go.
Speaker 1:Dear little Malia, I'm so proud of you making it through one of the hardest things you have had to go through. Having a thyroid disease is not easy. I know it was so hard for you mentally and physically never feeling good, never feeling like yourself, doctors telling you you're fine when you know you aren't. I'm so glad that you kept persevering and fighting, because now you're a lot better. Obviously, this will always be a struggle in your life, but I'm so proud of you. You never stopped trying. You were so strong, important and brave. You are enough. Oh, that makes me really emotional because, like, I saw you at your worst. Like I Said I wasn't gonna cry.
Speaker 1:When you first, like, found out that you had Hashimoto's, I Didn't really know how to help you, mm-hmm, and I felt like I wasn't a good sister because, like, sometimes I couldn't tell when you were, when you were down, mm-hmm. I remember sometimes I just didn't know when you needed somebody, mm-hmm, and I Wish I could go back in time and be like, hey, do you need somebody today? Do you need me today? Do you want to talk to me today? Like, really be there for you, because I know that you needed that.
Speaker 1:You know, like, and I know too, I feel like at that moment in my life that kind of grew me to where I am now, because there's a lot of things and Ways of thinking that I would never think of now, and like habits that I have now that I wouldn't have done if I didn't go through that, and that's why I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And obviously that was like I'm not gonna lie that was probably the worst, the worst, probably year to two years of my life. Yeah, and I Think don't be so hard on yourself for thinking that you were a bad sister because you weren't, because I never communicated, that like obviously I felt terrible, but at that time too, I always just would push everything under and be like, oh, I'm fine, like I don't need to show that I'm struggling, like when in reality, I hadn't slept for two weeks, there were so many things that were that was going on and it took me a while to actually come forward to my family and be like, hey, there's a problem here, like I'm not feeling well, I'm not well at all, you know, mentally, physically, emotionally. Yeah, I feel like now that we have gone through that, me and you have a better communication and relationship. Because of that, like now you're like, oh, like, are you good and me communicating like hey, like mentally I don't feel that well today. Maybe that's why I'm gonna like I seem like I'm in a mood, but I'm just anxious, or whatever the case may be. And I remember when we moved out, mom was like, hey, she likes out me down, and she was like you need to be aware of Malia because she can. Things can go south really fast mentally and you need to be able to see her changing and sit her down and be like okay, you need to talk to me because I know you now. Obviously I feel like it's a little bit of a learning curve, but when, when you're not doing well mentally, you do shut down and you don't want to talk, yeah, and I feel like I have learned, and maybe that was mom pushing me to be like, hey, ask questions, ask Malia how she's doing, and yes, I would ask you how you're doing, but sometimes it would be on a superficial level, right, and now it's like okay, we can sit down and have a conversation. How are you really doing? Mm-hmm. Like honestly, that so much now, because even before, like I think my mom I I'm so grateful for her because she was really like I don't really know what I would have done if I didn't have my mom during that Time like it would have been really hard yeah, harder than it was. You know truly. But I guess I should explain what A lot of people don't know what that is.
Speaker 1:I have a thyroid disease and and there's a lot of different aspects to it. So there's like hypo and hyper, which means like your thyroid is Not working as much or it's Overworking, overworking. So there's different like diseases you can have. But the thyroid basically regulates your hormones and when your hormones are off, it can affect you physically and it can affect you mentally. But there's it's kind of crazy because I basically Couldn't Get on the medication for Hashimoto's because you have to have a certain like blood work in your body to be able to be like Medicated on it. When I went to the doctor they were like, oh, you're fine, like you don't have Hashimoto's. But then when I went to a naturopathic doctor, she actually looked at my antibodies in my blood work, which showed that I was way off in a lot of different ways, but I still couldn't get medicated for the Hashimoto's. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Can we talk about how that sucks, especially as a woman, you know, when something's wrong with your body? Yeah, and I did like I knew immediately because when I first Started having these symptoms and things were going wrong, like it was a night and day, like I was fine one day and then after that it was like it was terrible, you know, yeah, so and and the crazy part too is the way I kind of got into having this problem was actually For my cycle. Like I had a really bad, really bad cycle one time and this was super random, but basically I like passed out on the floor and I got sweats and chills and all that. And then all of a sudden, after that kind of passed over, I had like the worst cramps of my life, like I I don't even know how to explain it because it was so bad, but the pain was unbearable to where, like I would have to take so many mitos like and. And the hard part was too is I couldn't take my dolls before I Got the sweats and passed out because I would throw it up because of the pain was so bad. Right, so I would have to wait to like that nauseousness to pass and then take the my doll, which would suck because I would have to be in pain for a little bit, so I'd have to go through that.
Speaker 1:But basically, after that point in time, I guess that was so traumatic for my body that it like completely had a switch in my hormones and that's when I started getting all these like weird symptoms where, like my mental health was terrible. Like I just remember, I felt like I was crazy and I remember we went on a trip to Sedona with our family and this is like when it first started and I didn't tell anybody, I was just like sitting in my room like why do I have these thoughts? Like, why do I like Trying to calm myself down? Because I didn't know what was going on. It was so random and like I was just like why am I thinking of this? Like these are not normal thoughts and, to put it in perspective, is kind of like intrusive thoughts. Like if you get a random, like what the heck was that? It was like those, but like constant, constant and they're persistent and they were Scary. They were really scary and I would keep getting them and I always thought like we grew up in a very like religious household. So I always thought that it was like a very I thought it was like a demonic, like presence or something that was like trying to like get at me, and I feel like that could be true.
Speaker 1:But also, later on down the road, when I found out it was a hormonal, yeah, a hormonal thing, like once that changed, I didn't get those thoughts anymore, and I didn't. Obviously I do now. They're not as bad, though, and I know how to handle them. I remember when you first told me I think I think you told me first and I was like you got to tell mom and dad like they're gonna support you, because you thought like they were gonna send you to like a mental hospital. I remember you telling me that and I was like it's gonna be okay, like, yes, there might be something wrong with you, but we're gonna figure it out as a family, like right, not alone. And I think in those moments you can feel so alone, but you're not. You know, yeah, and Also, too, I'm not a very emotional person, naturally, but when that hit, oh my god, that was like I mean what I, what I envision, is like if you're pregnant and you're super hormonal. That's how I was, like that's a hormone.
Speaker 1:I was, because I've never experienced anything like that in my life and I was like what the heck is this like? Why do I have all these like random hormones and why am I crying about this? Like when I didn't even know what I was crying about, like one little thing would tick me off and I like start bawling, spiraling, well, spiraling, and then like getting into like a panic attack and I've never experienced a panic attack either, so I didn't even know what that was. I remember like we'd go to sleep at night and because Malia and I we had two twin beds in our room and we were sharing room at the time, so we were like three feet apart I remember we'd go to bed and sometimes I'd hear her like Crying, like I'd hear her like whimpering and her and her sleep and I'm like, are you okay? Like so sad when somebody like I didn't know if you felt super comfortable talking to me about certain things. Right, and Obviously we're sisters and we're super close, but there's some things that it's like it's so personal that at that time it was so real that maybe you didn't want to talk about it right until I was like I'm gonna let her. Like you know, come to me. It was weird.
Speaker 1:I feel like our relationship at that time was different, because Kenzie had just met John, which is her boyfriend now of like two and a half years. Yeah, and I remember like asking Kenzie like, oh, how'd your first date go, and everything. And they're like, oh, it was good, and like she didn't want to talk about it. And I was like what the heck, like why do you? Like? Usually, when I like a guy, I'm like, oh, my god, like this happened, this happened. Like I'm telling Kenzie like everything, yeah, and she came comes home and I'm like, oh, like, why don't you tell me?
Speaker 1:And obviously, like as a normal person, I would have been like, oh, like, what the heck? But also Having like all of my hormones and everything going crazy, I was like, oh, like she hates me, like oh, I really noticed that like you didn't want to talk about those things and I just felt like at that time I felt super distant with you. Right, was not normal because we were always super close and I think the reasoning and I we've talked about this before, but yeah, the reasoning why is because we shared every aspect of our life and when I got a boyfriend, I was like, oh my gosh, this is like my one thing, that's mine, yeah, because we shared everything, because we're practically twins. No, and I get that too, because now I'm like, oh, that totally makes sense. But I think it's the communication part that was lacking, because I was right.
Speaker 1:When someone doesn't communicate something like that too, you're like, you're, you start overthinking and you're like, okay, they hate me. Like, and I have always kind of struggled with that, especially in high school, like I remember Someone would do something and I'd overthink it and I'm like, oh, they must hate me, like they must not like me, when in reality it's like I'm overthinking. But also, I think the communication is so key because, like, I wouldn't have known that right, if you would have told me that from the beginning. Like, oh sure, like you don't have to like tell me everything, and I would have been totally cool with it. But like the fact that you like didn't communicate that, I was like, oh, what the heck? Like what sisters you're supposed to tell me what's going on? I think it's funny too, because I had never been like super boy, crazy.
Speaker 1:Like I think you are very like when you get into a relationship, like beforehand, when you were in high school, you'd be like, oh my gosh, I like this guy so much and you talked to me about him every day and I'd be like shut up, like, okay, I get it, I don't care Not that I didn't care, but like you would, it would consume you almost and I'm very like, not like that, you know. And obviously now, like I love my boyfriend and I talked about him all the time because he's my blue, I love him. But like when I first started dating him, I think it was also an emotional thing like, okay, I don't want to say this is like the best thing ever, because what if it ends? Like there was always that thing in my mind like, okay, well, I can't be so Consumed in this relationship. Maybe it's a couple weeks in right, two months in and be like, oh, this was the best date ever, like I love him, like it was.
Speaker 1:I never wanted to let my brain get there because I was afraid of rejection and I was afraid of what if this doesn't last? Yeah, especially around the family, because obviously, like, I met my boyfriend when I was 17, so I lived in my parents house and my, our parents were super strict, so like we always had to be around the family. You know, john and I we would talk in the living room, so we never really got privacy and it was so open to like you, so open a pen drop, yeah, from our parents. So I knew that there was always ears listening and I just never wanted it to be like, oh, the family loves him, and then all of a sudden we break up, right, and it's like detrimental, and that was always kind of in my brain like oh well, I don't want to let this progress too much. But then, after like two months, I was like, okay, yeah, I definitely, he's a keeper, he's a keeper. And so after I got over those two months, I feel like also, I probably explained to you, yeah, where my head was at, yeah, during the first date.
Speaker 1:That was such an interesting time though, because, like even I guess I'll kind of go into more detail like what I was really going through. Yeah, like after that whole initial episode that set me into a spiral, like my whole body into a spiral really. But I remember I would. I had really bad insomnia and I wouldn't sleep for like a couple weeks and it was always like Very timely. So it would be like I don't know, after my cycle. Like not getting sleep is actually crazy, like going through that. And it also, if you already have hormonal problems, not being able to sleep, on top of that, Makes you feel even more crazy. Well then you can literally hallucinate. Yeah, if you don't sleep.
Speaker 1:I swear that has happened a few times, I'm not gonna lie, but the intrusive thoughts were just a little too intrusive, where you're like wait, am I Hold on a second? What is this? Yeah, no, but um, yeah, it was. It was so hard and I remember my mom. She was so sweet, like I, I love her so much, but she would always be like I don't care. If you like can't sleep, you need to let me know so I can like stay up with you. I'm like you're not gonna stay up with me, like I'm not telling you, like I'm not gonna be able to sleep and I'm not gonna put you through that either. I was like why? Like in my head I was like that does not make sense. Why would you put yourself through that girl? Yeah, I'll just stay Downstairs by myself and I'd go downstairs, watch TV on the couch and I'd just sit there. Sometimes I just sketch, because I like to like draw and stuff. So I was like let me just like keep my mind, like saying and watch like a happy show in the back and just like sketch I don't know. But yeah, I was just like.
Speaker 1:I Don't know it was, it was a lot, but and I remember too, like at first I would take melatonin. That would help for a little bit. I think that helped for like maybe, maybe a couple days, and then with melatonin you have to keep upping the dosage because it's like it's not gonna work. And that was the same thing. So fast medication too, and I've heard, especially with sleeping problems, you always have to keep upping it and eventually you're gonna get addicted. Now I was like that's not something that I want to go down and I was like if I have to deal with this, I have to deal with it and Hopefully I can like figure out a solution to where I don't have to, you know, lose out on sleep. Yeah, but well, especially hard, because there was other medications I would take. Same scenario like I'll take it for a little bit, it would help, and then I have to keep upping it and then eventually I couldn't take it anymore. So I was just like there was no luck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I remember, like I it was always like the first day of your period, like every month, it was like super consistent that you would have an extreme episode. Like I'm talking, she's on the floor, she's throwing up, she's in, she's literally screaming. And also Malia, like she's not an overdramatic person I'm an overdramatic person, no, not really. Well, more than you, yeah, more than you, for sure. Like if I'm in pain, you'll know I'm in pain. Yeah, malia, you might not know she's in pain. So when she's like on the floor, like Literally sounds like she's giving birth, I'm like, are you okay? You know what I mean. Like it was very scary as someone who knows you're not overdramatic, because I knew I'd never seen you like this in all Of my life, were literally almost twins, like I know when something's wrong with you, and I was like, oh my gosh, are you okay? And I remember mom too. She was like, should we take her to the ER? And After the first episode like it was so timely everything would happen like in order, and then, as soon as it passed over, I was fine.
Speaker 1:I would be like two or three hours of just extreme pain. I don't even know what like they would do at the emergency room or the hospital, because they'd probably just prescribe me, like I Don't know, painkillers or something right. But well, and I remember like I would look at you and you would your face looked green, like I'm not kidding, oh my gosh, I'm not. There was a few times where I was like, okay, she's really, like no, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was not a good time. Yeah, and I think that's one of my biggest fears now is like going back, or being back in that state, because I've never felt that bad in my life. And Now my aunt actually she recommended this naturopathic doctor to me and my mom and it turns out that my mom and my little sister have Hashimoto's too. I probably haven't too. Y'all Just get ready which we all found out at the same time, which was super weird. But both sides of our family on my mom's side and my dad's side we have thyroid problems. So it's definitely a genetic thing and it's so common now, like literally, I'll talk to people and just wherever I'm at, and then somehow something like that comes up and they're like oh, I have Like thyroid problems too and I'm like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Like I think it's a lot with the food and the things that we put in our body, the environment, like it's obviously toxic and it's hard to get away from it. Like you can definitely help with your diet, but there's still like lotions, like perfumes Well, there's so many hormones. I remember like I would get acne from eating eggs because there's hormones in our eggs and in a lot of the food that we eat. I remember like milk would make me break out and I knew it was hormonal, because I had like terrible hormonal acne when I was a kid and I was like, ok, well, it's eggs. Eggs have hormones. It's affecting my hormones, which is throwing off my acne in my face.
Speaker 1:Like you can just tell, you know, when something's wrong with your body and when something doesn't sit well with you. And the only thing was, too, is like going to the doctor and they're like, oh, you're fine, like you're good, like there's nothing you really need to, and they'd act like I would tell them what I went through and the lady just kind of like, oh, like yeah, I've heard that before. She like dead face and everything. I was like, damn, like y'all don't really care about me, do you? And the first thing that she said was oh, let's get you on birth control. That was like the first thing, and I was like I think I was like 16. So I was like, oh, like, is there any other like thing you can prescribe me or something else Like another route we can go down?
Speaker 1:Because I didn't want to go on birth control, because I had friends that were on birth control. You know, I've heard very bad things about it, but that was the only option she gave me. So I was like, honestly, I'm desperate, like I'll, I'll do it. I can't sleep at night, literally. Yeah, and it did actually help me for a long time. It held. I think it was on it for like six months, like I don't think I was on it for longer than that, but eventually it still was messing with my hormones. I was able to sleep, which was nice. So it bought me time to figure out, like what was going on and at least I was able to go to bed at night, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:But after like six months my symptoms started coming back and it was like the same scenario where I was just like OK, this is a bandaid. Birth control is a bandaid for me and I wanted to actually fix the problem and go to the root of like, ok, what is wrong in my body and I want to figure it out so I can actually fix it. And I really had to be an old advocate for myself, because doctors do not care about you and that's what I experience. From my experience and I'm sure I've heard a lot of people say the same thing is like they normally don't care and it sucks because when you go to the doctor, you're in pain or you're there's something wrong and you want to trust them. You know there's something wrong and you want to trust them, especially when it comes to your body or your mental health, like you want to trust, especially if they're specialists, you know. So it's like you, you are putting your trust in them and then for them to be like oh, you're fine, you're good, like that was so frustrating for me because it was time and time again. I'd go to different doctors, like endocrinologists, all those things, and they'd be like oh, you're, you're fine.
Speaker 1:Every single woman in our family, our immediate family, has not had good experience with doctors. I've had a lot of problems. I had like these things called hemoplegic migraines that were terrible and it was a neurological thing and I had to go to the doctor. No one could help me and time and time again, our mom, our little sister, everyone has had these problems and no one can seem to help us. And I'm like. What is going on Like I think the thing is too is that I've learned is they don't do that diligent of a job, especially in your blood work, like for added endocrinologists, which is for thyroid problems and diseases.
Speaker 1:They look at a specific thing in your blood work, but they don't go beyond that. So when I found my naturopathic doctor, she went beyond that and actually looked at the other things in my blood work and was like, oh my gosh, there's something wrong. And I was like, ok, I'm not crazy, I knew it. I was like duh, like I've been trying to tell everybody else and that's why I was so thankful that I found her, because I would still be, I would probably be worse At this point.
Speaker 1:I probably would have had to go on Hashimoto medication. I mean, I remember I was opposed to it when you were thinking about literally getting a hysterectomy. Yeah, how old, 18 years old, you shouldn't have to think about that. But it was that painful and I was like if this goes on, I told myself. I was like if this goes on for like a good five years and there's no hope for me, I was like this is not, like, this is not it. This is obviously like I would go through the pain. It'd be once a month, but still I was like this is not something that I want to go through for the rest of my life, like, and obviously that would probably help out with the pain, but everything else would still. You know, although everything would have been still an issue.
Speaker 1:But finding that the naturopathic doctor was like she was an angel, like she, when I went on the call, she was so sweet and she like actually seemed like she cared about me and she was like, oh my gosh, like this is terrible, like we want to figure out what's going on. And I was like that's so sweet. I was like I've never heard that before. I know like, literally the doctors before did not care at all and I was like, damn, like what are you actually care about me? It seems like you care about me.
Speaker 1:And eventually she went through my blood work and she was like, okay, we need to fix this, this and this, and there's so many different herbs and supplements you can take to fix certain things in your blood work and deficiencies that I had and that was the main reason why I was feeling this way and all my hormones were off is because I had so many deficiencies. You know, something was like way off the chart or way under the chart to where my hormones weren't functioning properly. And when she told me that, I was like, oh my gosh, like I'll try anything also, like I was super desperate. So I was like I'll take whatever you need me to take. And it is kind of annoying. I will say that I have to take, like you know, 10 different vitamins Morning and night. Yeah, but they each do something and it's so cool that there are herbs and things from this earth that can actually help you and heal you. And that's what I've experienced Like I don't even have to take the Hashimoto medication because I kind of I kind of made my problems go backwards to where they I don't know what the word is but like I don't have to take the medication for Hashimoto's, which is so cool, like I can actually heal my body. And all of these supplements that I've been taking have really helped me Obviously, like my body goes through dips and I'm trying to be really good at like being consistent with taking my vitamins.
Speaker 1:I stopped taking my vitamins for a little bit because it gave me really bad acne and I was like I don't want to have acne. Like, obviously, at this point I was like, okay, I'd rather feel good and have acne than like have my face clear and feel like shit, you know, yeah, so yeah, I remember I went off for like a couple of weeks and then all of a sudden, my cycle comes around and boom, I was like just like clockwork. It was not as bad as it was because my vitamins were still kind of in my system. I remember it came back and I had the whole episode again and it was not it. So I was like, okay, I need to figure out another solution for my acne because I have to take my vitamins. Yeah and um, curology, yeah, curology.
Speaker 1:This video no, I'm just kidding, this video is not sponsored by Curology, but yeah, it was so cool and it blows my mind that, like, those supplements like actually helped me. It was so cool and I am so grateful that I found her because I'm so happy for you. I'm better, like I'm seeing you, you're a little bit better. I'm seeing you thrive now. Obviously like seeing you then versus now is like night and day. Well, yeah, like I can actually sleep now, like I feel good, I feel energized, I feel like I don't have those episodes anymore, like I feel myself. It's just crazy that I do feel better. Aww, yay, I'm so happy that like everything's good now. Just like talking about that brings me back to the days where everything wasn't okay, you know. Well, yeah, it makes you just like realize, and it makes me realize how grateful I am.
Speaker 1:And also, like during that time we were doing social media, you know. So no one really knew that that was going on and Kenzie was kind of taking over the account because I literally wasn't okay, wasn't well enough to really do anything. So Kenzie kind of ran the account and and it was a good year, it was a while. It was a while and some days I'd feel good enough to film. I'm like, okay, let's film. And then some days I'd be like I can't like to that extent Right, because if you can't sleep, you're tired, you're groggy, you don't have any energy to be emotionally present and you don't want to do anything. We were very lucky that you were able to okay, well, I need to try to sleep during this time and then I can do school. Get this done when you have the energy to do so, you know, because imagine if we were in school and you had to take six months off school. You can't just do that.
Speaker 1:All that to say social media is not that it's fake, but obviously people post their best selves. It's a highlight reel. Yeah, literally it's a highlight reel of your life and no one is perfect and our life isn't perfect. I don't want people thinking that because there's so many things that go on behind the scenes and that no one knows, because we obviously post our best self on social media. That was another thing that was super important to me was like when I wasn't feeling well, I knew that and I didn't want to film and I didn't want to push it, because I wanted to be my best self on social media and I didn't want to fake it. You know, right, I really want to be authentic and I took pride in that. So I was like I don't want to film if I'm not feeling well.
Speaker 1:And I think now it's almost even different because, having the podcast, we have the ability to talk about these things On TikTok. It's a 15, 30 second one minute video and you can't explain your mental health all in that 15, 30 seconds. This is the platform for us to talk about, for one, who we really are, but also things we genuinely struggle with and how we persevered. How you got from where you were when you first found out that you had this thyroid disease and how mentally and emotionally and physically not well you were, versus how you are now and like being able to tell that story. I know there are women out there that maybe they haven't figured it out yet. Maybe they're like I know there's something wrong with me, maybe they have a thyroid disease, maybe they have Hashimoto's or maybe they don't, but this could encourage them to go seek help and even just like mental health too, like if you know there's something wrong in your brain and you can tell something's off. Like don't be afraid to reach out and be your own advocate. I know sometimes it can be discouraging going to doctors and then being like oh you're fine, blah, blah, blah. But persevering is like the one thing that really got me to where I am now, and even with my mom too, because she really helped me with that. She'd go to the doctor with you. She'd ask the hard questions. That was another thing too. She would come in with like a notebook and she was like, okay, I know, when you get there you kind of get flustered and you're just talking, telling them your problems, but there's certain questions and things you forget to ask and then when you leave you're like, oh shoot, like I forgot to ask that, or you know Exactly, it's nice to have someone else with you to be like, oh, like remember to like say this, or even just having notes, like I was saying, listed out so you know what to say to them. Now we're going to talk about, we're going to do a little segue. We are going to answer some of you guys' questions about mental health. I really wanted to talk about this and talk to you guys and ask what kind of tips you guys have, what kind of questions you have.
Speaker 1:I think for me in my mental health journey, I think I've been pretty good recently, in the past few years, I think. When we were first taken out of high school and we were alone and it was just you and I, I was definitely not well. I mean being literally isolated and by yourself is hard. I wouldn't say I was depressed. I was definitely in a season of sadness, but I don't think I've been depressed because I know what that looks like. Yeah, because I know a lot of the women in our family have depression, anxiety, and seeing that it makes you see the difference between a season of sadness and an actual mental health problem, right, so well, yeah, because I could differentiate the two.
Speaker 1:I remember I felt kind of depressed in high school and then, when all these other things started happening, I was like, okay, I was just kind of sad, and not that that's like I should dismiss that at all, because there was kind of a problem there. But the hormonal problem was a lot worse, you know, and it was. It looked a lot different from the circumstantial sadness Exactly Circumstantial sadness versus hormonal or chemical Inbalances, inbalances in your brain. But that also doesn't mean that you don't need help, even if it's just a season of sadness. If it's a season of sadness and like circumstantial, it is so important to talk about those things, whether it's with a family member, a friend, a therapist, like I think everyone can benefit from therapy. Yes, like talking about those things helps because then you can heal from it, you know, and work your way up to healing it. You know, that is one thing I love about Gen Z we're not afraid to talk about our issues. Now we're realizing mental health really is an issue and it's okay to talk about it and it's good to make it important in a priority in your life, because you're gonna have to deal with that for the rest of your life. Exactly so you know, thinking how to deal with those things and having tools to help you will make you so much better.
Speaker 1:We're gonna go into the first question. Number one is what if the support you reach out to doesn't help? Slash is too busy. Oh, that's, that's tough. Yeah, so, because having a support system is so important, whether that's like your mom, your dad, your friend, your friends, because I know some people like maybe don't have the best relationship you know with their family or their parents, but even like reaching out to a therapist or making that first initial step, because having someone is really important, because it is hard to find a good therapist, I feel like it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, someone comments that they're like therapy is like speed dating. That is so true, because if you don't after the first interaction with a therapist, you're gonna know if you like them or not, right, because you may like them. But also this was so important to me when I had my first therapy session, the guy was super nice, super sweet and he was a little bit older, but not that you need to relate to them. But I didn't feel comfortable opening up to a stranger. I think that's something that I like had to kind of get over, was like, okay, this guy's gonna think I'm crazy if I tell him this. So there's a lot of things I ended up not talking about and I'm super vague and I wish if I went back in time. I was very specific, because if you're not like, they can't really help you. If you're not honest and open with them Right, and that was a hard thing for me, but I definitely can relate to that is if you don't like your therapist or there's not like a connection in a way, it's hard to open up to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what you want, I think, if your support system, of course, like as adults, once you get older, people are busy, people have their own lives, people have families, they have marriages, they have a lot of things going on where it's like you can't put all of your trust and your support system into one person, especially if they're not there. Your family, right, like I feel like let's just say you didn't have the siblings that you have and you didn't have mom and dad to be there, because our parents are such a good support system and they're always there for us. But if you didn't have that, I would say trying to find a good therapist. That would be my number one recommendation, because it might take a while, but once you have that person there and even like an online therapy, because you can call up that person and you can say, hey, you can call up at I'm not in a good space and I really need someone to talk to. They're a professional, they're gonna be able to help you and give you tools to next time, when you're going through an episode or you're not feeling well, they're gonna be able to really help you through it, help you through it right, and give you the tools to be like, hey, I Got this. If you're in school, I know they have counselors trying to get in because, like Kenzie was saying, talking to someone is so important, because I remember I wouldn't want to talk about it.
Speaker 1:I kept it in. I kept bearing it and All that does is it keeps building, and building, and building until you get to a point where you're gonna explode. It really does build up in your system and that is so not good, because it just makes the problem worse. It can start off like by a small thing, a small thought. You're like, oh, push it to the side. But then what happens? When you keep pushing it to the side over and over and over again, it's gonna build up and you're gonna fall over. Yeah, that's what's probably gonna happen to me. You know, yeah, when you realize and notice that there's a problem, even if it's small, don't hesitate to reach out to Whoever it is. Whoever your support system is yeah, okay, next things, next. We got.
Speaker 1:How do you overcome the feeling of thinking you are a failure? First things first. I want to say that you're not a failure, and I think that in this society, we hold ourselves to expectations and we compare ourselves to other people. I think that is the first thing, and I've I felt like this a lot. I felt like, oh Well, I'm not doing what this person's doing, right, and I'm not doing what this person's doing. I must be doing that. I must not be good enough, and that's not true. The only person that you should be comparing yourself to is yourself, and Even then, give yourself grace. Yeah, because there's bad days and there's good days. But if you're progressively getting better than who you were yesterday, that one percentage of getting better is gonna be a big difference over time. So don't compare yourself to other people. That would be my biggest tip is once you don't compare yourself, you'll be, in a way, better headspace and you probably won't think you're a failure anymore because you're not.
Speaker 1:You're not so good and also, too like, everyone's path is different. Like I know I can kind of relate to this because when we first started social media, we were in high school, but then everyone obviously graduated and went to college and I'm like are we making a mistake not going to college? Yeah, and we had an opportunity in front of us and we're like okay, we're gonna pursue this, but College isn't for everybody and that's not the path, at least for me right now. And I remember you know other parents would be like oh, and I think as a society in general, everyone's like oh, you're, you're not going anywhere in life, you're gonna work at McDonald's if you don't go to college. Remember a lot of parents Asking us why we're not going to college.
Speaker 1:And I remember specifically saying I Can go to college in a year from now. I can go to college in six months from now, I can go in three, four, ten years from now. Yeah, and college is always gonna be an option right now for me. I want to see where this opportunity is gonna take us. I'm glad we did it, because Look where we are now, like we would have never done that campaign with Briogeo if we weren't full-time, fully committed to the content that we make. Right, we would have never done that. And if tomorrow, I decide that I want to do school, which I've actually been thinking about, maybe that's in our future and if it's not, it's gonna be okay. But that doesn't make me a failure for not following everyone else from high school and going the same path with everybody else. Right, our lives are different and that's okay. I remember oh, my gosh, this makes me so mad. I remember I think it was a year into graduating from high school our Friends mom is introducing us to one of her co-workers and she's like, oh, do you guys go to this school that her daughter went to so a university.
Speaker 1:Do you guys go to the same university as so-and-so? We're like, oh no, we actually do social media marketing. We make advertisements for different curly hair companies, beauty companies and stuff like that. And her mom looks at her co-worker and says they're taking a gap year. They have no idea what they want to do with their life.
Speaker 1:I was like, girl, we have a, we have a full on business that we're running right now, like we're busy, we are very yeah, I was taken back. I was like, excuse me, like she had no intention of making us feel like the way that I felt after that, right, like making me feel embarrassed or sad or like a failure. Yeah, there was no intention behind that. I feel like it wasn't, that wasn't what she wanted out of that. But that is how I felt. Yeah, that's how I felt after that moment.
Speaker 1:I was like, wow, like, and I think at that moment too, because we Still do to this day, get that question, especially because you know everyone, our age is still in school yeah, school, like, oh, like, what are you doing? And obviously that's a topic that comes up a lot, but Now I'm not afraid to be like, oh, yeah, like, we do social media full-time and we've worked with this company. Yeah, we've worked with this. If they look down on that, I honestly could care less. I'm like I know that I'm doing well. That's all that matters to me.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, like the fact that our parents my dad's an entrepreneur, like they really encouraged us, was, like this is a cool opportunity I think you guys should take it to in college will always be there, yeah, and I'm so glad that they encouraged us, because I feel like it would have been a lot harder and we might have not gone this route. Having that support system was really nice and I feel really lucky that we did have that. Yeah, like, are we out of time? Yeah, okay, all right, you guys, that is pretty much it for today's episode.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy that we got to really talk about mental health. Yeah, this is such a good topic and I definitely see us talking about this more in the future because this is such. I mean we can go on for for hours. No, really, already our time's already up. But thank you guys, so much for listening or watching. Make sure to follow us on big sis energy with two wives on Instagram and Follow our personal tiktok, mackenzie and Malia and our Instagrams. I'm Kenzie Grace underscore and I'm Malia Lexis underscore, and also DM us if you guys have any questions. Topics for the podcast the emits of big sis energy and we'll see you guys in next week's episode. Peace you.