BIG SIS ENERGY
Big Sis Energy is a safe place for the girls! Each episode has ultimate slumber party vibes with real advice from your fav TikTok Big sisters, Makenzie and Malia. On Big Sis Energy the girls will talk about everything from relationship advice to toxic friendships, mental health, and how to be the best version of yourself.
If you are craving some sister tea time, tune in and chit-chat with Makenzie and Malia.
So sit back. Relax. Grab some popcorn and let's get this slumber party started!
-Love your internet big sisters 🤍
BIG SIS ENERGY
Its time to let go SIS: Ft. Kamie Crawford. Embracing Self-Growth, Setting Standards, and Prioritizing Self Love
Ask yourself: When was the last time you truly prioritized your own happiness in a relationship? Kamie Crawford, an exceptional individual who transitioned from the world of pageantry to TV hosting joins us while we talk about self-growth, and relationships. Kamie reveals how she navigated the LA dating scene, demonstrating the power of setting high standards, and the importance of a good partner who respects your self-worth.
We also talked about revealing the hard truths in life - like dealing with insecurities, and knowing when to move on from a relationship, and embracing authenticity. We place a strong emphasis on understanding the importance of communication, and setting boundaries in relationships. Join us, as we share practical advice, real-world experiences, and refreshing perspectives on all these subjects.
Kamie’s Socials:
https://instagram.com/kamiecrawford?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Relationshit Podcast: https://spotify.link/PItAllmOJDb
Where else can I listen?
Spotify:
https://spotify.link/juCSAs4OJDb
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/big-sis-energy/id1702408819
Follow us on Instagram @bigsisenergyy
For any questions or story submissions for future episodes DM us on @Bigsisenergyy and for new episode updates so you're always in the loop!
Malia’s IG:
https://instagram.com/maliaalexis_?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
Makenzie’s IG:
https://instagram.com/kenziegracee_?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==
The world needs more Big Sis Energy. It's a real thing, like a lot of people don't have sisters. Yeah, it's so sad. It is sad. I don't know what I would do without my sister. I know Both my sisters and that's why I wanted to start the podcast too. We were like, if someone else doesn't have a big sister, like we want to be that to them. You're listening to Big Sis Energy, woo, welcome back to Big Sis Energy. I'm your host, mackenzie, and I'm your other host, malia, and today we have a very special guest. She hosts three different TV shows, one of them being MTV Catfish, and she has a podcast called Relationship, which I personally tune into every single Friday. So, kami Crawford, thank you so much for coming on. Big Sis, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:I feel like the biggest sis, like I feel like we could be sisters, I know, but I would be the 30 year old sister in this. Yes, how many of you are there? There's four of us. So we have a younger sister she's 15, and she looks exactly like us. And then we have a younger brother he's 17. Yes, at least there's a boy in there. Do you have any siblings? I have five sisters. I'm the oldest. Oh my gosh, you're oldest. Okay, so we're both the oldest. Yes, so she has Big Sis energy.
Speaker 1:You went through the strict parenting then, right? Yes, my mom likes to call me the test baby. She says that I got to do everything that my siblings will never get to do, but I also feel like I was groomed as a child into being like the perfect big sister. I feel like my mom just she knew what I was capable of. Oh, that's so cute, that's so cool. I love that, but it is a lot of pressure, yeah, yeah, for us. Our parents were like super, super strict, yeah, and now they're like a little more lenient on our younger siblings. I'm like y'all don't have the same parents. I was like you guys have it easy, they don't. All right, well, let's get into it. I know you were crowned as Miss Teen USA. I was In 2010,.
Speaker 1:How was that transitioning from like the pageant world and then going into like hosting TV shows? Like what kind of steps did you take to get there? I mean, I never watched a pageant before I competed in pageantry. Wow, it was just not my thing. One of my best friends in high school had competed and one day at school she was like you should do this pageant. I think it would be fun for you. You meet a lot of cool people. And I was like, okay, so I signed up and I remember asking my mom about it and she was like, why? Like, why are we doing this? And I was like, well, jessica said it would be fun. And like my mom was like, okay, this is not. Like these are expensive, like these things are not cheap, right, and it's a lot of work and girls work their whole entire lives For these kinds of moments.
Speaker 1:My top five at Miss Marilyn Teen USA. So you have to do state and then you go to national. Okay, so I won Miss Marilyn Teen USA and then I went on a Miss Teen USA, but at Maryland I competed with I think there were 63 girls in the whole pageant and in my top five all of the girls had been competing for at least five years. Oh my gosh, like I was the new pageant and this was your first one. Oh my gosh. So imagine their delight when I came in. Oh my gosh. And I was like, oh, this is for me.
Speaker 1:But I feel like, because I wasn't, really I didn't grow up in the pageant system. It allowed for me to have a different kind of I don't want to say advantage, but like a freshness that you know the judges were looking for that year. Every year is different and with that experience I ended up gaining experience in front of the camera and that was the first time that I even thought about being on TV. It was like a lot of firsts, oh, wow. So first pageant, first experience in front of a camera.
Speaker 1:I never saw myself doing anything like that, mainly because, like I guess now it's a little bit different. But back in the day I'm thinking like TV hosts are like journalists, like they are studying the news, like they are on the news. Yeah, I didn't want to be on the news, but that's not me, that's not me, but I never saw myself in that way. Like I saw like Tyra Banks she was hosting a show, but she is a supermodel. Like Wendy Williams is a radio icon, right, and so it's just a little bit different. I never thought that that was something I could do at the time. I wanted to be a dermatologist actually. Oh my God, yeah. So I was on a totally different path. Wow, yeah. So I would say that pageantry and that experience and just being in front of a camera is what led me to being a TV host today, because I saw myself being able to do it.
Speaker 1:So you kind of went from being interviewed to being the interviewer, yeah. So how is that now? Now it's a little bit different. I'm not doing like red carpet hosting anymore, or at the time when I was grinding, when I was on my grind, I was at every single event like on the step and repeat, asking people questions. Wow, and they're talking to celebrities. And now, because of the kind of hosting that I do, I've kind of become the celebrity that's being interviewed in that kind of way. So it was definitely like a switch in my mind and now I feel very thankful Cause, honestly, those were carpet interviews are not the vibe I was gonna say.
Speaker 1:They're kind of scary. I feel like I see them and they're like off the bat, they ask you something super personal. You're like where did this come from? Yeah, it's scary cause you only have but so much time. There's so many other people on the carpet trying to get an interview, trying to get the person's attention Right. You want to hold their attention for long enough to be able to ask the things that you want to ask and get personal, without their PR person coming over and like dragging them away. It's just a lot going on and it's just not for me, cause I'm not trying to beg anybody to be my friend or to have a conversation.
Speaker 1:Well, look at you now, though. I mean you, I know, how do you? How are you here today? How do you have time for this? I make time for what I feel is important, and you guys are killing it, and I was like they're so beautiful, you have such great energy and the name of the podcast alone. I was like I have to, of course, I have to know. Oh, thank you so much. I don't know how you had your first guess. Yeah, I feel so honored, true, oh my God, we feel honored. We feel honored having you here. I'm so excited for today.
Speaker 1:So how old were you when you won Miss Teen USA? I was 16 when I won Miss Marilyn Teen USA. Then I turned 17 in time for Miss Teen USA, oh my gosh. And by the time I gave up my title, I was 18. Okay, wow, okay. So you went from a teenager to a young woman, to a grown woman, all in front of, like, the public eye.
Speaker 1:How was that transition being viewed from so many different people? I mean, it depends on who you ask, because if you are looking from, like, the pageant sphere perspective, they're very harsh. Like pageant people are no jokes Honestly a little bit sick. Like I always say, it's like the most beautiful industry with the world's ugliest people. Like they have some really nasty people who are just the fans. Like I'm not even talking about the contestants, I'm talking about the fans of pageants. Like the commenters, yes, the people who watch, the people who you know. They have all these. Like blogs, like we know about the blogs now, and like Reddit forums, but they have their own forum to talk shit about. Pageant girls Dang, no matter how old you are.
Speaker 1:So at Miss Teen USA at the time, the age ranges were 14 to 19. That's heartbreaking. So imagine being a 14 year old and you see, like all this stuff on the internet about you, your body, your parents, like oh, she just won because her parents have a lot of money, or she just won because she had a sob story about her mom dying. Like they will attack. They will attack. So I would say by the time I was 18 years old, I had heard every negative thing about me that you could possibly hear. I've had death threats. I've had my face on KKK websites. I've had so many different things.
Speaker 1:At the time when I won Miss Teen USA, I was the first black Miss Teen USA in 10 years, so like they weren't used to seeing girls of color winning, it wasn't normal there would only actually be two black girls in the pageant every year in Miss Anantine Wow, out of the 63 girls that were there, out of 51. 51, okay, out of 51. More girls compete at state, but it's like a known thing. I think there are still some states that have never crowned a black girl In the. How many years of this pageant's history? Right, 2023, y'all 2023, exactly, it is really. It's devastating.
Speaker 1:And when you are one of the two girls out of the 51 states so it was myself in South Carolina that year you go into it knowing only one of you is gonna make it. So to the next round, they'll bump one girl into the top 15. But if you make the top 10 or if you make the top five after that, you're lucky. If you win, you're really lucky. So at the time now it's honestly, I don't even keep up with it anymore. You're like that was a different time in my life. Yeah, that was a totally different time in my life and I made it through and I'm like oh my gosh, but it creates a certain level of competitiveness between you and that other person. Luckily my year, megan she was South Carolina. We're still girls to this day, like we were like okay, it's me and you girl, like one of us is gonna, one of us has got it. So I will say like that experience was very harsh and very hard on me, but I think it helped me develop the resilience that I have now as an adult.
Speaker 1:Being in the industry and you always get negative comments. Like I could post something on my Instagram today and it could be the most positive post. It could literally be sunshine and rainbows and everything gorgeous and world peace, and somebody will be in the comments saying something negative. So I feel like it kind of it taught me a lot about the public and like even when people can love you one day, they can hate you the next. So like you have to be so content and so like confident with yourself that you don't let that kind of stuff waiver how you feel about yourself from day to day and not living for other people's approval, and that's something I feel like every girl goes through at one point or another. And still day to day, I mean I feel like I still struggle with that is like having that confidence.
Speaker 1:And I remember when I was younger I would straighten my hair because no one else had curly hair around me and I was like, oh, I want to look like everybody, let me just straighten this. So it's like I think everyone has some type of some type of relatability to that. Honestly, I relate to that too, cause when I was in all of elementary school I got bullied. Middle school I also got bullied, but middle school was the boys, more than it was the girls. Elementary school it was the girls. So I had these three bullies you know who you are, you know who you are Not gonna drop it. You know. You know who you are.
Speaker 1:And every day like one day I would come to school with my hair curly and they would be like your hair looks so ugly when it's curly you should wear it straight. So I would beg my mom to get my hair straight. Then I would come to school with it straight the next day and they'd be like your hair's so ugly when it's straight, you should wear it curly. And it's like we're constantly being programmed and like bullied and like all these like. Even if it's like a subtle shade sometimes it doesn't have to be from your enemies, sometimes it's from your mom, sometimes from your dad, it could be from your Little microaggression. Yeah, your siblings, your hair looks better straight Stuff like that. You know when. It's like a compliment, but it's not a compliment. That's not a compliment, though Underhanded compliments are like so annoying to me Cause I'm just like it's a projection, like it's clearly something on their front that's causing them to behave like that and like lash out at you. So I just had to decide like I'm not, this is not y'all, or not. It's not, it's not so you're not.
Speaker 1:So where did you grow up? I grew up in Maryland. So Potomac, maryland. Now everybody knows about it cause we got a real housewives. But yeah, I grew up in Potomac and I was born in Cleveland, ohio that's another story for another day. Left there when I was five, grew up in Maryland, moved to New York when I won Miss Teen USA Gotcha that's so cool. Our mom, she's from Maryland, is she? Yeah, she is when Outside of DC. Okay, that's like near me. I'm gonna just from Bethesda, or maybe she's from Pretty Girl County I honestly don't know Cause. I'm like she's like I'm somewhere close to DC and I was like, well, I know where that is. So, yeah, okay, well, mention Potomac to her. She probably knows it. Okay, cool, I'm sure she's gonna watch this. Yeah, maryland girls are the best. I love it, maryland girl.
Speaker 1:So you, I, okay, I listen to your podcast quite frequently, like I said, and I'm serious about that. So you're Scorpia, right, of course. Okay, so here's the thing Malia and I don't know anything about astrology. We're complete queens. What are you? We're both Virgos. So I'm like you need to tell us, like I'm always so curious about this. I love that. And you're not twins. That's what's boggling me. Oh, yeah, so we're a whole year and one day apart September 7th, 02 and then September 8th, 03. Oh, 7th and the 8th, yes, like, stop A year and a day, literally. And my mom said she didn't celebrate all your birthdays together, yes and no. Like our mom still made it a separate day, but like sometimes we'd combine, like birthday parties and things like that, but she always made sure that it was like a separate day, so it was kind of just like a continual celebration. Yes, I love that.
Speaker 1:It's such a Virgo thing for you guys to do. Oh God, I'm like what is that? It's like a Virgo thing for you guys to plan pre-plan in heaven when you guys were gonna come down the day after each other. I'm like, educate us so you guys could grow up to be best friends. Obviously, and this podcast.
Speaker 1:I love Virgos. I'm a rising Virgo, so I have a lot of Virgo qualities and tendencies. Okay, so basically, virgos are just that girl. Like they are. Tell me more To me. To me, virgos are very good at planning. They always are known as, like the organizers of the group. So like if there's a trip, it's like the Virgo is gonna be the one making the Excel spreadsheet and like putting things together. Okay, I don't necessarily have that Virgo quality or tendency, neither do I, but Kent does, I do. I do not. I want to have that, I want to have that. But I have the Virgo tendency of like Virgos tend to like hyper fixate on things that other people will probably never notice or care about, but we care.
Speaker 1:So like I plan all my friends like baby showers, bachelorettes, all the time. That's like my thing, and I will be like oh my gosh, I did not get the cake pops with the da-da-da-da-da decoration, and everyone's gonna know that the cake pops, it's ruined, it's ruined. We should just throw out the whole entire thing. Why am I even planning this? I'm not even qualified to plan this. No one notices stuff like that. But I failed my job. But I failed, oh my God.
Speaker 1:And Virgos are very like meticulous in that way. They take their time with things and they're always right. Virgos are always right, even when someone says that they're wrong. Even with new information, a Virgo will be like but I'm still right, because da-da-da-da-da, and if you look at it this way, I'm still right. I'm the Virgo. I love that, though, because Virgos usually have information to back it up. So some people like Leo's sorry, y'all, leo's, my man's Leo Are always loud and wrong. Virgos are usually well I wouldn't say subtly right, because Virgos like to be very like, succinct about the fact that they're right. Yes, okay, that's what I like about Virgos is that they come with the information. They come with the receipts. They're always gonna have a receipt, okay, okay. So you're like the true Virgo, yes, okay.
Speaker 1:I need to know the rest of your chart then, because sometimes it's not just your sun sign that you identify with. It can be your rising, your moon, your mercury, like this is all new information. I know I'm like I don't know. Yes, there are other aspects of your chart that will kind of dictate your personality, and that's crazy that a day could, like make the biggest difference. Yes, no, an hour, a few hours, can make a difference. Dang, yeah, your whole chart can be different depending on what time you were born, because it's like where the planets were aligned in the sky at that exact moment that you came out the womb.
Speaker 1:People are always like either they don't care about it at all or they're, like, fascinated with it, like I am. Yeah, I'm not like reading my horoscope every single day and like let it dictate if I'm leaving my house Right, like no. But there are certain things like mercury, retrograde and things like that that I'm into, or like you know, it's, it's, it's science, like it's right, right, I kind of like I watched from a birdie Compatibility with partners. I feel like that's really interesting too. That's a real thing.
Speaker 1:Don't date any Gemini's, oh, oh, not the jaw drop. Why would? Why was the jaw drop. Well, I didn't want to spoil the episode. Are you dating a Gemini? Well, I was dating a Gemini. This is like this is so funny and there you have it and that's who. That's the point, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I haven't like publicly announced this, but I was talking like on the podcast like a few episodes before that I was in a relationship like no details, cause I, I want to respect my private life. Yeah, not put it too much out there about, like, my personal relationships. Yeah, but, um, yeah, we did break up as pretty fresh, so I'm like dealing with that. I'm not going to say I'm sorry because I hate. When I was like when I broke up, when I have my big breakup that, like I thought was going to ruin my life, everyone was like I'm so sorry. I'm like why this is good, this is good, this is a new season of my life. Yeah, but, especially if it's a Gemini, that's a good decision. Well, it's.
Speaker 1:I obviously love, love the man and I would like never her bash him or anything, cause he was great. I think we were just kind of like going in separate ways. Yeah, but I say all of that. My best friend is a Gemini, really Okay, love her, I've heard also, literally kill her.
Speaker 1:Also, too, isn't the like men and women are different? Yes, they're different, although I've heard a lot of things about, like, just Gemini's periods. Yeah, every time I'm like, oh, you're toxic. Yeah, the little things that I know about horoscopes and astrology like the very little knowledge I have. I've heard a lot about Gemini. There's a lot to be said. I mean, they say a lot about Scorpio's. I was going to say I wasn't going to say. I've heard a lot of people that I'm a Scorpio. It's literally like the fear in their eyes or like, oh, and the Sagittarius, I'm not going to go around anymore. I swear, it's crazy, crazy. I'm a Sagittarius, venus Crazy, I don't have any Gemini. It's funny. I feel like they can all be toxic, though you know, like everyone has our own toxic treats. Every sign is capable of talking.
Speaker 1:I do want to dive into the question. So I know this podcast episode is called it's time to let go sis, so we kind of already segue into that about the breakups, but we do have a question from some of our followers One of y'all. They asked as a newly single woman I'm finding it hard to embrace how can I learn it's okay to be alone. That's a hard one, because I feel like you know, I I have always been a serial monogamous.
Speaker 1:Since I started dating in the eighth grade, I consistently had a boyfriend, and it wasn't like I felt like I needed a boyfriend, right, it was just that I was meeting people that I vibed with and I was like, okay, like they would ask me to be their girlfriend. I'm like yeah, sure, sure, you know, and I think part of it is like being young and like proximity to people and like if you're I don't know how old this person is, but if you're in like high school, you're seeing these people every single day, like they're in your world, every single day. You don't have to go out of your way to see them, right? But that was that was like my life. I just was constantly in relationships and I was still growing, though Like one of my longest relationships actually my longest relationship was in high school and we were together for six years oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:But we were long distance for like four and a half years because we were in college and he was doing his thing, I was doing my thing, I was traveling the world with my friends and like enjoying my life and partying and doing all the things. I'm sure he was too. I don't know what he was doing to me, but like we were still connected with each other and like we still had a lot of love for each other, and but I didn't feel like he kept me from living my life, like I would literally be like I'm going to go to Italy tomorrow with my friends, just like on a spur of a moment trip, and he'd be like cool, have fun. I'm like great. He's like bye. Yeah, exactly so. Like I. I still felt like I was growing in those relationships. Sometimes relationships don't allow you to grow, and I think that's where it becomes an issue if you're constantly in relationships and not figuring out who you are.
Speaker 1:When I got out of my last relationship, I made an active choice I want to be single for at least a year. Like that was my thing. Because I was like is it that I'm comfortable with being by myself and I just have been meeting people that I just like and vibe with, or is it that I can't be by myself? Like which one is it? And I wanted to figure that out. So I took my time. Of course, I ended up meeting somebody. You're like you were supposed to show up. He wasn't a Gemini. I was like, no, he's an Aries. I love him so much. He's good to my husband, I love him so much. I'm obsessed with him Congratulations, thank you. Okay, so this is a new relationship. This is current. Well, no, we've been together for a year, okay, yeah, oh, my gosh, so my breakup was like two and a half years ago, okay.
Speaker 1:And then I think I met him at like the eight month mark or something like that. So you're almost close enough. Yeah, it was just like, oh, like, why would you come? I was just like is this going to like mess up my promise to myself? My trainer Six, who's been on the podcast several times. He was like you make promises to yourself every day. You say, oh, I'm not going to eat bread. And then what do you do? You eat bread. You say, oh, I'm going to work out in the morning, and you don't.
Speaker 1:So, like, don't make a weird commitment, like stand so true that you end up missing out on something, a good opportunity, especially because I'm like, I'm realistic too. It didn't make any sense, it's just, it's something that I wanted to do and, honestly, I did it. I grew a lot, I was in therapy, I was doing all these things, but I really enjoyed my single time, I enjoyed my single life and I also acknowledged too that, like I'm someone who thrives in a relationship, I enjoy being in relationships, I enjoy having a partner to share my time with, I enjoy having insight from somebody, and so for this person, like it's okay to acknowledge like I like being in relationships, I like dating, I like having my person. Maybe I don't like dating because one thing I realized I don't like going on dates. It's weird, it's not my thing.
Speaker 1:That's what you said about like monogamy, though. Like I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half, almost three years and I feel like I mean we're going to get married, like we're locked in and I love like that. He is my person and he feels the same way and it's such like a genuine, authentic connection where it's like. I know I couldn't find that anywhere else, but I'm also not really into like and I never really have been into the dating scene and when I, when I met him, it was just so natural, like it wasn't forced, it wasn't forced at all. I like that, you like him. That would be good. Imagine if she was like yeah, he's cool. I guess he always comes over to me heartily, he's fun because I love joking around with John, so it's always lighthearted. But yeah, he's a really good guy, he's a keeper, I love that. But sometimes you just you figure that out about yourself.
Speaker 1:And sometimes it does take having space from someone to realize, like, what do I actually care about? What do I actually want? Am I just obsessed with this person because I see them all the time, or because they hit me up all the time, because they're giving me attention? Like I have a friend who just broke up with the guy that she was dating and two weeks after, when I was, it was seven days exactly. Cause I asked her. I was like, how long has this been? Cause you acting a little crazy. She was like I miss him, like I miss him a lot. And I was like, well, like do you miss him, the person, or do you miss the attention and the affection of like being in a relationship? And she was like, no, I genuinely miss him as a person. We had so much fun. So I was like okay, so then keep on.
Speaker 1:There's a trick to this breakup stuff you want them to come back, you have to be quiet. You have to disappear. No contact, it's the best. Does any of y'all out there that want your man to come back? Yes, keep it quiet. Ladies which I don't care, which I don't like, you don't care, disappear for a little bit. Don't be texting. Oh, I miss you so much. I miss the way things used to be. It doesn't register with them, it registers with us and they text us that we're like, oh, he misses me. They are not thinking that. But if you're quiet and you post your little selfie and like you're living your life and you start actually enjoying that single time, yeah, and you're genuinely working on yourself, you have some time to be independent. Exactly, get on your grind. Once they see that they sense it, they have like spidey senses and they can tell, oh, she's happy, let me text her, let me stir some stuff it up. Yeah, exactly, I feel like my downfall in relationships is I always overthink everything and sometimes I can never really.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that makes sense. I overthink everything, yeah, and I always have. But sometimes, when I'm talking to Mackenzie about it, I'm like, okay, what's the red flag and what am I overthinking? Because I think if I was just by myself, I wouldn't be able to like differentiate the two. Yeah, and I would be like, okay, like maybe I'm overthinking this a little bit, or is this like a bombastic red flag? And I was like, okay, when she starts talking to me, I'm like, let me fact check you real quick, because she'll give me the scenario, she'll tell me the situation, tell me what he said. And I'm like, no, that was a red flag. You're not overthinking. You know what I mean. Right, and okay in between, and not know, maybe it's not like a big, big, big red flag, but it's a yellow flag that raises those sentences. Sometimes they build on each other and they're kind of like okay, red flag, tiny red flag, tiny red flag. But then it keeps going away. It's like a big picture here. It's a warning. Sometimes things are like a warning and sometimes you don't see it till it's too late. But then sometimes the red flags keep progressing and adding up over time and then it's like okay, yeah, that was the warning, missed it? Oops, exactly. That's why I always say the red flags be looking like six flags every once in a while. Yay, let's go. Like, no, you gotta stop, yeah, because. And two.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I won't be used to like a guy treating me a certain way and then they do it and I'm like, oh my gosh, like he's the best ever. But then sometimes I'll overlook the other things. I'm like, well, he does this so well, you know, he treats me really good. And then there's you know smaller things where I'm like, mm, I don't know. I feel like the Scorpio in me is constantly I love for a man to be obsessed with me. I want you to be obsessed with me. Then I'm like is he obsessed with me or is he love bombing me? Is he obsessed with me? That's literally Malia and I. Or is he obsessed with me, about to murder me? It's hard to know. Yes, it is. You don't know until it's too late and you're in a ditch. If you're a woman and you're actually next, yeah, exactly, you gotta be careful. You just never know. And that's what Malia and I constantly talk about. Is this like a manipulation red flag or is he? Mm. He doesn't know what he's doing? You know what I mean, but you don't know. You don't know.
Speaker 1:I have a sister who's an Aquarius, and Aquarius are just like everything's great, everything's amazing. And she started talking to this guy literally for one day, and she was like he said we're getting married, we like named our kids. We did. I'm like do you know how crazy you sound, repeating back how crazy he sounds? You just met and then I don't think they're even talking anymore. I swear Girl makes sense. That's what happens to Malia Whenever she's in a relationship with somebody. They're like your wifey after the first day. I love you. And I'm like, well, this has happened. Like huh, I was like where, where? No, no, no, usually what I do is I let the guy, like on the first date, like talk himself up, and then that's when I noticed the red flags.
Speaker 1:I'm like, mm, yeah, I'm taking notes Cause they'll say something and because they're saying it out loud, they don't see a problem with it. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that's interesting. Like I just like to analyze a little bit and just kind of like get to know them and they can like talk themselves. It makes you wonder how many times they've said the thing. Right, like sometimes, like guys, when I was dating, guys would say things and I'm like you've said that before, like you've said that before to somebody else. That sounds like a rehearsed yeah, that sounds like something you've said many times and it's worked, and that girl probably liked it. Yeah, I'm not that girl, no, so let me put a start again. Let me put a stop right here. Hold up, wait a minute. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, she's like a woman's intuition. Yes, I feel like sometimes I can never pinpoint it. I'm like, am I overthinking? Or you can't like actually confirm, like why you're feeling a certain way? Yeah, and that's why I always overthink about it. But I'm like, okay, my gut has never steered me wrong. You know so and you always have to listen to that. Trust your gut, ladies. You have to trust your intuition. Yeah, like she I call mine intuition. Everything's a shit. I love that. I love that. She's water bottles, she, everything's she. I must steal that Intuition knows exactly what is going on every single time, and anytime I've ever steered away from her, I've paid for it, like tremendously.
Speaker 1:So when you get that feeling in your gut, do not ignore it. You can't ignore it. It's literally the thing that keeps us alive, like the reason why we're able to avoid weird scenarios. Or, like when you go out at night and somebody's creepy across the street, the reason why you cross the street. It's because your intuition, like, why don't we trust that with everything else? I'm not saying you should date fearfully, but, like some dating situations can be the difference between life and death. So why not just be a little bit more cautious and not so trusting? You have to have your guard up. You have to have your guard up a little bit. Someone could be a psychopath. I hate to say it, but, like it's true, you just don't know A lot of them. You don't know and that's the same thing with friendships too. Yeah, you know like you could really trust this girl, you become besties, and then, all of a sudden, she could too faced. Yeah, had that before. Yeah, we've had that before. We've all had those. Another episode before, another time. Oh man, has it ever happened? I wanted to ask you, though have you ever had a scenario where you thought you were overthinking, when in reality, your intuition was spot on? Yeah, a lot Relatable, relatable. Yeah, a few things Ring a bell. No, that's definitely happened to me In relationships. It's definitely happened to me In friendships. It's happened to me In relationships.
Speaker 1:There are things that you see in the beginning that you might think are cute or quirky about a person, or like, oh, he doesn't want me to wear this out because he thinks that, you know, he doesn't want guys looking at me, because he just wants me all to himself. He's protective and he just, you know, dah, dah, dah, dah. Like. I dated someone once who I got dressed to go somewhere. I didn't even know what I was wearing, nothing like crazy, not even like my worst, because I could go. I could go If I wanted to, I could go all the way, but it wasn't even that revealing. And we got into a huge argument before we left out to go to some party or something. Because he was like, do you know what that's gonna cause for me? Like you already draw attention and if you are wearing that, then it's gonna cause even more attention than I have to be on guard the whole night and then I can't even have fun.
Speaker 1:And that was in the beginning of the relationship and instead of taking that and being like, I did say something as far as like, don't try to dictate what it is that I put on. But then, subconsciously, throughout the relationship, I took that into consideration and not in the way that, like you want to be considered of your partner in the way of like this makes him upset, so let me not do that, because I don't want him to be upset. Versus Take a bomb off, yeah, versus like I feel confident, I feel good. That's your insecurity, it doesn't need to. Like you're projecting on me, right, right, I didn't take it as that I should have.
Speaker 1:And then throughout the whole relationship he was insecure, very and constantly trying to dim my light, and that was a situation where, like if I would have listened in the very beginning, I could have been out and I wasn't. I don't have regrets in life because I'm not. I'm just not that person. I feel like everything is a learning experience. I agree, yeah, 100%. But then it is helpful too. When you finally meet someone who is secure, you can be like, oh my God, like it's such a breath of fresh air to be with someone who just gets it and respects you and knows that like you wouldn't do anything to compromise yourself or them, and like disrespect either way or the relationship. So, yes, yeah, you're like. I've had my instances too. Yeah. Another question I have for you is like when is a good time to leave a relationship? Like Anytime, yeah, I guess it just like depends.
Speaker 1:Breakups are hard, no matter how long it's been. But I think when you're in longer relationships with people listening who have been in long-term relationships, you have thought about that breakup well before you've actually done it Right. Right, and as women we do that a lot, where we like really sit with things I think as a Scorpio with a Virgo rising I like to really sit with things and like, imagine my life and mourn that relationship and do all those things. I like to do those things within the relationship. I'm not saying that that's the right way to go, but a lot of times that's what we do. We like think about, like okay, how can I get through this scenario? What will my life be like without this person? Like, will I be okay? Sometimes you line up another situation right after that, like they're Ooh, I've done that. Ooh, I don't know why. Not, I won't lie, but after my last relationship I didn't.
Speaker 1:That was the first time that like I didn't have anybody on the bench. I was just like the roster was non-existent, it was free agent. I was out here like no team, because they were like wow, there was no one on the bench. There was no one on the bench, no prospects, no, nothing. I was just like, oh wow, I'm really out here, the desert, it was crazy and like I think, though I had that was a five year long relationship, and I had thought about that breakup two years before I actually did it.
Speaker 1:In my six year long relationship I had thought about that breakup. I mean, I should have broke that up a long time ago, but I think it took me like at least a year to like come to terms with it before I actually did it, because when I make a decision like that, it's not, it doesn't just affect you, it affects the other person too, and your families, if they're involved, or whatever it might be friends. Yeah, so I like to know that when I made the decision to break up, I did everything that I possibly could to make that situation work, to see both sides of it, to see what I could have done better, to, like, you know, trying to weigh out all the options, and then you have to kind of you have to be so confident in that decision that, if the person does come back, you know in your heart that like it's not right Because you can be so easily swayed and that happens. That happens Like you break up and you make up and like that's happened to me before we're like, oh, we break up for like four months and then all we like, oh, we miss each other, whatever. Because I wasn't clear and I wasn't firm with my decision within myself. And then when I finally made the decision, I knew I was good, like I knew it hurt, but I knew that it was the right decision. So I think whenever you know it's the right decision, it's the right time to make that decision. But don't do it too early, like don't sell your relationship short or your self short. I guess, to really go through those emotions and, like digest everything and make a real, firm choice. Those choices are important.
Speaker 1:I feel like so many times we think women think that, oh, I don't have a choice. I have to be with this person. We've already spent so much time and our families are expecting girl. This is your life. This is your life. You deserve to be happy just as much as anybody else and you shouldn't compromise your happiness for anybody, especially your relationship. That's a big part of your life. Yes, that's your person. That's who you're spending every day with, most likely, and it's not gonna continue to get worse.
Speaker 1:You already think that when you're just like, oh, I'll just stick it out, I guess. And then it's like everything they do, they breathe weird and you're like, oh, I did it. Yeah. You're like, oh, not this again. Every day you wake up next to this person or the person texts you and you're like, oh God, that is not it, that is not love, that is not. And, honestly too, the other person doesn't deserve to feel like that. The feelings that you have when they come around or they touch you and you're like I've been there. It's like that's not how the other person deserves to feel, like you both deserve to be in relationships that make you feel valued and loved and appreciated. And if you don't have that in you anymore, let them go. Let it go, sis, let it go, sis. I was like, okay, I love it. Oh, my God. So I know you kind of touched on this a little bit.
Speaker 1:Like you said, you waited eight months to go into your next relationship. Do you feel like there is a perfect time? Or I feel like it's so different from person to person, but do you feel like there's amount of time that you need to be by yourself before you're ready for the next relationship? I talked to my therapist about this heavily, because I am surrounded by a lot of strong women. I told you I've got five sisters my mom, my grandma, my cousin, my aunt and there are some women in my life who, when I was like, oh, I think I might be ready to start dating, my mom especially. She's like you're not ready. No, you're not ready.
Speaker 1:No, like that was such a big part of your life, like you should really just focus on you and just like be single and be like I'm like okay, well, it's been like half of a year at this point and like I wanna just put my toe in the water. Like I've never dated, like I've just never, I've never been on a dating app. I ended up meeting my boyfriend now on a dating app but I had never done it. Like I had never been out in the dating world like that. And cause I either met like my boyfriends through school or like I met my ex-boyfriend at like a party. So, and I work constantly.
Speaker 1:So like now, at this phase of my life, I'm not outside like that, and if I am, I'm there for like a networking thing. I'm boom, bow, get my picture and get out Like I'm not really, like I don't have time for this. No, I'm not really like looking around and seeing who's there, like I'm busy. So I, you know, when I was talking to my mom about dating, she was just like no, it's just too soon. She was just. And then one of my sisters was like I think you should just like focus on you and like you're so busy, blah, blah. And I talked to my therapist about it and I was like is there a timeline that like makes sense to move on? And the answer is no. Like the timeline is for you. Like if you wake up the next day after a breakup and you're like I'm ready to date, cool, like as long as you are working on you the entire time, and that's going back to like during that breakup season. Or like when you're about to break up with someone.
Speaker 1:If you have constantly been working on yourself, why do you have to wait to meet somebody? Like, why do you have to put parameters on and rules? These are rules that you made up. Like. You don't have to do that. There is no rule book. Yeah, there's no book. Exactly Like what if there was? Like you would have been with the same person your whole life. That would have been it, you would have been with your third grade boyfriend. Yeah, but that's not reality. The reality is that if you're ready, do it. If you're not, okay. If you think you're ready and you start dating and you realize that you're not, stop, like there is no rule. You could do whatever you want.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's true about anything in life. Yeah, everyone is walking in different shoes. No, two people are the same. I mean, molly and I are so close but we have different lives and we've gone through different experiences. No one's the same. No, it's like if you're in a career or college. I wanted to be a dermatologist. I was pre-med in college.
Speaker 1:Then I woke up and I said actually I'm gonna switch communications, I'm gonna become a TV host. That's what I did. That's what you should do. If it's not serving you and it's not hurting anyone to do it and it's not putting you in financial distress to do it, change your mind. You can always change your mind. That's my favorite thing to tell everybody, because I think we are so ingrained with this idea that you have to stick on the path and you have to see it through and you have to Right who said who Say who? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm a grown-ass woman.
Speaker 1:Nobody tells me what to do. I get to wake up every day and decide do I want a caramel macchiato or do I want an iced matcha latte? That's my choice Pumpkin spice. I get to say, yeah, pumpkin, and plus, I know I was like I haven't had one yet, but I'm ready to have one. Yes, exactly, it's about that time. No, I'm ready to fall. But you can decide whatever you want. It is, the world is your oyster. You are living your own fantasy.
Speaker 1:Nobody tells you what to do, unless you're a minor and you have parents who tell you what to do. Other than that, you get to make the decisions about your future and your life and who you want to spend that time with, and you get to decide if you want to spend your time with somebody else, but just make sure you're not hurting anybody's feelings by doing so. End things properly before doing it. That's what I wish I would have told my young self like end things properly before even entertaining conversations with somebody else, so that your consciousness is clear and your karma is good. Right, because that is respectful to the person that you're seeing, and especially if they have been a big part of your life. I feel like in my situation I would feel like I would owe that to the person. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how is the dating scene out here in LA? Because Mackenzie and I, every time we come out here, the conversation is the dating scene is trash Like, it's absolutely garbage. But I love talking about it, like with everyone we meet. I'm like so what's it like out here in these streets? I know, but why am I scared? Because we're probably gonna move out here in a year and I'm like I mean, I know a year is kind of a support year, a long time, but a short time at the same time. But I'm like I don't know about this.
Speaker 1:I heard that before I moved here and when I moved here five years ago, I was with my ex-boyfriend and I remember my friends who are like I have so many beautiful, talented, successful friends who were single at the time and I was like how are you single? Like any man would die to be with you. And they were like girl, this dating scene in LA is garbage. The men think that they're prettier than the women. They don't wanna approach women and they truly don't Like Got their head up their booty. I have been out so many times. I can not tell you how many times I've been hit on. Maybe I could count on one hand how many times I've been hit on by guys who live here.
Speaker 1:When the East Coast guys come into town different, it's a totally different party. But with the LA guys they are so like Patty, I don't know what that energy is. They just don't feel the need. It's an arrogance. I feel like you should approach them kind of vibe, like an ego thing. Yeah, I don't know what it is, something in the water, it was not but the water. Yeah, one of my friends actually told me cause, like I said, I moved here with my ex-boyfriend and she was like stay with him, I don't care what happens, stay with him, there's nothing here. And I was like, well, that's kind of that's not scary, that's kind of scary. But I will say I met my current boyfriend on Raya my first day, on Raya Dang. Yes, oh, my gosh. Yeah, and I'm obsessed with him and I love him, but he's not from here. Okay, he's from the East Coast.
Speaker 1:I feel like a lot of people, though, aren't from LA. There's a lot of people that I've met where everyone's kind of from all over. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of transplants, yeah, I think. I mean, I lived in New York City for eight years and I hear the same thing about New York City guys who like transplants to New York. You have to think about it. Everybody's here and in New York to like do their big one. Everyone wants to like make it big and like everyone's on their grind or doing their thing, and so I think for a lot of people in general, the idea of settling down is a little scary because it's like oh, if I settle down and I can't live in West Hollywood, I gotta move to the valley and like get a house and have a dog and a white picket family. It's like a whole thing. And so I think you have so many people who are just trying to figure their own stuff out. Adding somebody into their life on top of that feels like a lot. So I want to give grace to that. But then there's also the men who just they want you to approach them and they're like they'll literally just stare at you and like, wait for you to say something A little sassy. And I'm, yeah, exactly A little sassy. I'm all for making the first move, but like not that much, not too much. Yeah, yeah, I like to be pursued. Val's been appreciated. Yeah, I want to know that you want me and you're like this is Scorpio to me. I get that way about my man. Yeah, you're not like that. You're not like that about me. I'm like, oh boy, bye, bye, it's been going live. What do we do? This is not gonna work.
Speaker 1:When you were transitioning from your previous relationship, like you said, you had like that eight month period. What was your like? Non-negotiables? Oh, I had a whole list. Yeah, I was gonna say we always say that we're like, if you don't know what your boundaries and expectations are, you're kind of setting yourself up for failure because you don't know what you want in a relationship, because then you'll settle for anything. Yeah, that comes your way and that's a scary place to be in With friends too, not just relationship, yeah, or you'll waver.
Speaker 1:And so here's the list. So I tell everybody to make a list, because it's really like a manifestation list. I sound so like spiritual in witchy. I'm like zodiac Manifestation. It works, it works. So what you do? You get your notes app or, if you're a journaler, get your journal and you start writing a list of the things. This is what I titled it, what I want to find me in a man, or what will find me in a man, because want is different than will you get it? Yes, because this is going to happen and that's how you have to go into it. This is going to happen.
Speaker 1:The person that I'm going to meet is going to have these qualities. You have to make it BFFR. You gotta be BFFR when you're writing it down. Don't be put in oh, he's going to have his lies and he's going to be six, five and he's going to have a Lambo. Like get your head out of your ass. Write things that actually mean something to you.
Speaker 1:So like he's going to be a generous man. I wrote generous because a rich man doesn't mean he's going to spend money on you. A generous man will spend his last dollar on you. A generous man will be the person you guys are out at dinner. You want a piece of what he has on his plate and he's not like no, you didn't order it. Right, it's not always about money, yeah, it's just not. It's even generous with love and compassion, like that's another thing too. That's important. Those things are important. He will be chivalrous. He will be a great father. He will be a provider. He will be mentally sound. He will be a spiritual person, whatever it is Like if you're religious. Like he will be Muslim. He will be Christian. He will be all the things that he will be.
Speaker 1:I put everything from like he will love dogs because I have a dog and like that's important to me. Fast forward. My boyfriend doesn't love dogs, but he doesn't hate them, so we're good. Okay, and he's not allergic, so that's fine. And you write down the things that are like. These are the things that when I go on dates, if the person that I am sitting across from does not have one of these qualities, maybe one you can pass on, if it's something you can pass on. If he didn't love dogs, am I gonna cancel him out completely? No, but if he's not generous, if he's not kind, if he's homophobic, if he's any of the things that are like deal breakers, that's off the list. Like he's off, he's not it.
Speaker 1:You never wanna say exactly what those are, because then they'll Keep it to yourself, don't tell them. Don't tell them, don't pretend that they care about those things. This is your list. You don't tell them what's on the list. They're like oh, I love the Lord, yeah, exactly, I'm sure you do, I'm sure you go to trickle every single one, pull his cross out and be like, as a matter of fact, like get out of here. I had all my pocket. Okay, get out of here.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, if he like walks across the street from a church, he's about to light up on fire, got to strike them Like that's not what you want. Yeah, that's not what you want, because guys will tell you what you want. They will tell you a dream, they will sell you a dream. They just wanna secure the bag. That's what Exactly? And you're the prize. So, of course, why wouldn't they chase after you? Like, yes, of course everyone calls you wifey because that's the reality.
Speaker 1:But is he a husband? Is he a husband Truly Like are you making him to be a husband or is he actually a husband? You gotta put that on the list. He will be a husband. He will be a good husband. He will be honest, loyal, loyal. He will be compassionate to my feelings. He will go and get me a box of pads if I need them and not feel like he's gotta have this toxic masculinity, right. Like, write down the things that actually count and will mean something to you, and don't waver from that, because you will pay for it.
Speaker 1:You know what I think about sometimes. I think about my 15 year old sister. I'm like my man treats me with so much respect, like I genuinely really love him, but like if he were to ever say something to me, I'd be like, hey, if Makayla got into a relationship and her man said that to her, how would I feel about that? How would that make me feel? Because sometimes we don't respect ourselves enough and we don't value ourselves enough. But we value our friends, our siblings, our parents in a different way, where it's like oh, if you were to say that to my sister, but if you were to say it to me, I might want to fly.
Speaker 1:You need to hold yourself to high expectations because you are worth it and you are valuable and you are that girl period. And that's I mean the way that we talk to ourselves too. That is in the same vein. Like if you wouldn't say that to your best friend, why would you say it to yourself? Like, why are we trashing ourselves all the time? Why are we allowing people to make us believe something? That if our friend told us like oh, my boyfriend said that I'm fat and ugly. Like what? Like why would you allow somebody to say that to you? You wouldn't allow, you wouldn't be cool with your best friend hearing that from their person.
Speaker 1:So I think we have to definitely give ourselves more grace and stand up for ourselves a little bit more and like the things that we want. Like I think we have this endating in LA and everywhere there's, like this scarcity complex of like there's not a good man out here. So if you find somebody who's like halfway decent, you latch on to them, like okay, it's not worth it Because at the end of the day, you're compromising yourself, you're compromising your true values, and the list needs to be a list of your true values and making sure that the person that you're with is aligned with that. If you know that you are genuinely a good person, there has to be somebody else out there that is a good person and that believes the same morals, same values, yes, and that will respect you in the same way that you respect yourself and that you will also respect your partner. Right? And I always say to myself too I'm like okay, my future husband would not say that. So, and if that's the case, you're not my husband, point blank, point blank, that's that. On that. That's that on that. That's so true. It's so true.
Speaker 1:And the goal is not perfection. Nobody's perfect Like I like to think I'm perfect because I'm a rising Virgo, but guess what I'm not Like. I have my things too and I have my moments too, and what I wanted, and what I was like this is gonna find me, is somebody who can match my energy, like, somebody who is on my level, not in like a oh, you have to be on my level and you need to be on my level in the sense of like, I need somebody who's gonna be like a leader, because I'm a leader, I can take the leadership role, and I'm 30 years old. I don't wanna lead a man and my family for the rest of my life. I wanted somebody who was a leader and somebody who can put me in my place a little bit, because I have a smart mouth and I can just go off and say whatever.
Speaker 1:So having somebody who, like when I am in my little moods, can differentiate between, okay, she's just like, has an attitude, like, do you need? Like, do you wanna get some ice cream, or something like that. Or to balance you out a little bit, or be like Kami, watch your tone, like who are you talking to? Am I, where are you talking to? Wait a minute? Like who are you talking to? And I'm like, oh, nobody else. Like I just like agree with you. No, I don't need a yes man, that's not for me. Like I don't need that, you get that. You get enough of that on the street. Like the man at the gas station can be your yes man. You don't need that. You need, like, somebody who's gonna be honest with you and loving loving, cause you don't have to be mean, to be honest. I've learned that. So I think you wanna find a good balance of all the things.
Speaker 1:And even with my boyfriend, I think he's perfect for me, but is he perfect all the time? No, are the things that he does where I'm like, oh God, please put the cap on the toothpaste, please put the toothpaste away. Like, why is there dishes and sink, like those kinds of things? Yes, those are gonna come up. So, like we can't be doodoo and think like, oh my God, my man is gonna be so perfect, he's gonna be prince charming. Yeah, maybe like 80% of the time, but there's, leave some room for humanness. Well, what relationships are? It's communication If you are having an issue, communicate it to your partner and vice versa.
Speaker 1:You would want that, like you said no, yes, no, yes man, no, yes, man, please, and don't be a yes girl like ew, yeah, sorry, and I will my man, my man, my man, you to death. Like I am obsessed with him and I will talk about him like, oh, no, no, no, thank you to my man, yeah, thank you to my man. Every day, I like I literally will sing to him. He'll do anything and I'll be like what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. I love that.
Speaker 1:But he's like, please stop. Like, shut up, like you're so French, you're so French, but like, at the same time, if he's doing something and he's screwing up, I'm gonna tell him. Like, if he's wrong or something, if I don't agree with his opinion, I'm gonna tell him, like there's nothing cool about being the cool girl all the time and you agree with every single damn thing, especially in private. Yes, I feel like I'm a big advocate for, like, if my partner does something in public, let's say I'm not the biggest fan of. I'm still gonna support him and be by his side. Yes, but in private I'm like, hey, boo, that was a cool thing. I don't know if I'm a fan, I don't know if I liked the way you did that Exactly, but it's a respect thing as well, you know Well, and it shows that, like you care about them too, yes, you want them to be better, and I think a good partner challenges you in a good way.
Speaker 1:Not the person who's constantly trying to like bicker with you and go head to head with you, cause, like, ew, stop, right. But somebody, yeah, exactly Somebody who can like cause my boyfriend and I, we agree on a lot of stuff, the core stuff, but then occasionally, something will happen in, like, the pop culture world and we'll have, like it's not even we don't fight, like we don't fight, but we'll have like we'll disagree, right, a little bickers. Or are we like? No, like that's not it, this is it. Like, okay, that's fine, that's good. Like that's good, it's perspective.
Speaker 1:Perspective is important, yes, cause if we all just agreed all the time, that wouldn't be that fun and we wouldn't be learning anything. Yeah, we wouldn't be really boring. Yeah, do we want to do the little rapid fire questions. Yeah, over there. Yeah, they're right over there, wait. So do I hold them? You hold them, girl. Welcome to the big sis energy class. Oh, she's a natural Like have you really had a candy buffer? She knows what she's doing. Wait, where do I start so you can flip it to face you that side, and then you can just kind of finish the sentence. It's going to be like dot dot, dot. Yes, wow, good quality CVS. Baby, I would never date anyone who is homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic or anything of the like Period Period.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because, ew, also, when it comes to like homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, all of that, yep, I just genuinely feel like you hate the girls. Like you hate the girls. First of all, you're worried about the wrong things. Like focus on yourself, yeah. Secondly, I feel like those types of guys who like make all these homophobic jokes or like make fun of people who are trans, make fun of people with disabilities even they just have no compassion or like level of basic understanding of like nurturing anything, and it's not a joke either. It's not a joke Because it's always like oh, I'm joking, I'm joking, but I'm like, no, no, there's, there's truth behind that. Yeah, and I think we, especially when you're young, like it's so common and like you ignore it. But like, take note of that. I'm not saying that people can't change, but like I know some grown men who will make transphobic comments or like homophobic comments and it's just like ew, like that's so lame. Also, like, why do you think that's okay to say, yeah, any type of hate, any type of hate towards anyone? No, yeah, a lot of people are like they're stuck in their way sometimes. Why are you so obsessed with somebody else's life? Exactly, this doesn't concern you. Exactly. So I feel like if you'll hate them, you can hate me. Keep living your life. Yeah, keep living your life and judge others. Exactly. And I also, I love the gays and I love a good drag show, and if you can't support me going to that, then I don't want to talk to you. Goodbye, goodbye. And it's just. I care about things like that. Yeah, people have rights. People have like, if you don't care about their rights, how am I supposed to expect you to care about my rights as a woman? Right Bye.
Speaker 1:Biggest celebrity crush when I was younger was Justin Timberlake. Oh my god, really, you could not tell me that I was not going to marry Justin Timberlake. Oh my gosh, I used to fantasize about being with Justin Timberlake. That's crazy. In an unnatural way, she was like posters everywhere. I'm going to expose myself real quick.
Speaker 1:What did you guys have? Mine's Michael B Jordan. Mine's Michael B Jordan, always and will be. I mean, it's probably everyone's. I mean, I can't really like. I knew it. She knew it. She knew it when you guys were younger. It would be Michael B Jordan, yes, but for me it was Justin Timberlake. I mean, it's still. It has a generational difference.
Speaker 1:Who's the guy that played I don't know why the guy who played Elvis Austin Butler. I thought he was so cute. He's still as cute. Yeah, he's still as cute. Yeah, I also loved I don't know if you guys have ever seen the movie holes. Uh-uh, zero from holes. Oh my god, that sounds so familiar. Nobody listening knows what holes is, because I'm old, you know how it's. Zero, zero used to come. I literally remember when holes came out and I ran to the front of the theater just to, like, look at him up close. Mind you, at the time I was in probably like I don't know the fifth grade, fourth grade, and I've always been a stallion, I've always been tall Zero was like three feet tall, so like it was never going to work for us in real life On the screen. You're like he looked amazing. You're like you look tall up there. Yeah, that was my crush.
Speaker 1:The first thing I ever did without my parents permission was get my belly button pierced. Oh, I love how I just know. Yeah, she's like off the bat. I was like did you read these and prepare before? No, I got my belly button pierced when I was 14. I took a bus to the Bronx with my friend oh my gosh, because I was living in New York at the time because we had moved from Maryland to New York, then back to Maryland. Then I moved back to New York when I was in the USA. I missed that part. Um, and yeah, I took the bus to the Bronx and got it done and told the guy I was 18 and, wow, I kind of want to get one. I still have it. I love it. They're cute. I love them as a little like pizzazz. Yeah, I relate to that because I think I was 14.
Speaker 1:Oh, I remember and I didn't go to no parlor. Uh, oh what, I have a second piercing on my ear. Um, and I went to my friend's house and I was like you guys got a little like needle right. You put some ice on the needle, little air trap style I'm not air trap-tioning this, I'm not air-tioning this, but I remember I go home and I had my hair, like she was being so obvious. My mom was like girl, what is behind your ears? Like how do I have an ear infection? I'm like yeah, no, totally, yeah, uh huh.
Speaker 1:So immediately when we walked in the door, my mom was like Mackenzie, be for real, she, just she has that intuition Like my mom. She's not stupid either. She's like she always knew what we were up to, like always, and we got in trouble for her. Yeah, anyway, I told her myself too. My mom was like at CVS and I was like could you pick me up some like cleaning solution, like for like piercings, obviously, but like I think it was like I don't know if it was like baking soda or hydrogen peroxide, whatever I asked her for. She knows I wasn't, I didn't need anything like that unless I did something that I wasn't supposed to. Right, she's like girl and she literally was like Cameron, because that's my legal name, cameron Did you get your belly button pierced? I was like what, what? No, that's a wild accusation.
Speaker 1:Me, how did you think that I got in big trouble? My mom's from Jamaican, so like we're Jamaican too, really. Yeah, our grandma's from Jamaica. Yeah, yeah, we could be cousins. We have to figure this out. We could be cousins, we could. But, yeah, so I. If you have West Indian parents that you know they don't play around like that. So she chased after me with a metal broom. I didn't get hit because I closed the door in time. She got the reflexes. She got the reflexes, exactly, exactly. I have a stallion and I came right. Okay, I am a private person when it comes to my relationship too. I'm very.
Speaker 1:I have not posted him. I've posted him, but only glimpses. Okay, like a little like angle. Yes, I call him wizard Kelly. I don't know if you guys have seen Parrot, the proud family, no, what I know. Guys, we need a list. We need a list of shows and movies. You have homework, proud family.
Speaker 1:There was a character on the proud family. His name is wizard Kelly. He like owned the basketball team or something like that, and they only showed him from the chin down. Oh, really, you knew he was tall and you knew he like had a fine voice. I think Shannon Sharp was his voice. Oh, that's funny. It was like you knew who he was, but she didn't.
Speaker 1:And that's how I posted my boyfriend. I like that, yeah, because I still I feel like I shared so much of my last relationship and now I still see articles about it and I'm like it's so, like it's scary because it's so personal. Yeah, I mean me, I don't think I posted my boyfriend till like two years. Yeah, I just I feel like me and him did like a little photo shoot and it's so cute. We went to the lake. It was the cutest thing ever. I'll show you after, but it was really, really cute and but I we never really posted like that before because I just was like this is my little safe space, yeah, and inviting people to like say stuff about it, and you're like unwanted opinions and I'm like, okay, especially in the beginning too, you're like I don't need this and I feel like I'm new Spend time with each other.
Speaker 1:Like they always say, like when people post like a really long post for their anniversary, that you know that their relationship is like on the rocks. I saw that Like the less the better, like yes, keep it, keep it short, keep it cute. Like, keep it between y'all and like the whole world doesn't. Because there were times in relationships that I had in the past where I was posting and we had just gotten to like a fight or like we weren't on good terms and it's like okay, so who am I doing this for? You know? So I'm very protective of my man and my man and my man and I love him so much. But y'all will see him when we walk down the aisle for the wedding, because it's not a moment sooner. Yes, everyone's been asking. The answer is no, okay.
Speaker 1:If I were to mentor someone, the first thing I would teach them is it's always okay to change your mind and cut out the naysayers. Like, I don't care who it is. I always say I don't care. If it's your grandma, if she's telling you that you can't do something and it's really what you want to do, you might have to put her on pause for a minute. Like, if you have a goal in mind and you have something that you're trying to achieve having friends that don't believe in you, having a partner that doesn't believe in you, having any negativity in your sphere you don't have time for it. Like, you have a goal. You can check in with them after you've met it and you've done what you need to do, because people will like you'll say like, oh, I want to start a podcast, and people will be like don't you think there are so many podcasts out there? Shut up, nobody asked you, nobody asked you, haters, and why are you being a hater? Like, stop. So that's my advice.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love my rapid fire. Have extra things on them. No, I love it. Find a rapid fire. The story times. Okay, thank you. Like. This is slow fire.
Speaker 1:Three items I always carry with me are aqua, four tissues, because I always have a runny nose. I don't know the runny nose girls, you know who you are. I'm one of them, and I'm like she got her too. She got her too. You finally stumped me. We got her. Guys, this was not going. No, I'm just kidding. Third one oh, probably Starbucks. Okay, I always got Starbucks. I got one in the car right now. What's the order? What's the order, though? I get a grande iced matcha latte, with two scoops of matcha and two pumps of chai. However, it is pumpkin season, so we've switched it. We are now getting a grande iced matcha latte in a venti cup with pumpkin cream, cold foam. It's still two scoops of matcha, because sometimes they put too much matcha in it. Okay, but I always have a matcha with me.
Speaker 1:I stopped drinking coffee. I don't know why I want to go back. Me too, I'm addicted. I love coffee. I'm a chai girl, but I'm not a matcha girl. I don't know why I don't like matcha. I wasn't at first. I thought it tasted like grass. I can get down it kind of does. Yeah, everyone's in a matcha, but the right matcha chef's kit.
Speaker 1:One very last question for you. What's one piece of big sis advice that you would give to your younger self? Break up with him. No, I'm just going to say it's time to let go. It's time to let go, sis.
Speaker 1:I think I would have told myself sooner to stop caring about what people think, because it took me a minute to like, register that and realize that I allowed a lot of other people's opinions to dictate how I felt about myself, what I wanted to do with my life, overthinking, like you know, just putting putting so much pressure on myself to meet other people's expectations Right. And the day that I realized that I make my own expectations and I can match them, or I can change them and I can do whatever I want to do. Everything changed for me. So I feel like you just have to stop giving a shit. Yes, I love that, just stop. We give a shit way too much.
Speaker 1:It's like why, why, for who? Yeah, for what? If it's not for you, if it's not something you genuinely care about, and like you're so passionate about this thing that it has to go this way, who cares? Like you're not disappointing anybody. I think a lot of the times, too, we think other people are so invested in our own lives. Everybody's like, oh, this, this, this person's thinking about me. This person's thinking, yeah, it doesn't matter for one. And, honestly, they're probably not even thinking about you. No, I even you're not even on their mind. I don't care. You know what I mean. There's a word for that.
Speaker 1:I can't remember what it is, but it's like when we go out into the world every day, we think everyone's looking at me, everyone's watching what I'm doing. Everyone is. And for me, I feel even more that way because I am on TV now and I get recognized every time I leave the house. So as soon as I leave the house. I'm like everybody is looking at me. That's the TMZ is here, right, everybody's gonna. I'm gonna be on page six.
Speaker 1:I know paparazzi is checking for me, but like in my mind and in everyone's mind, like the world revolves around you and like not in a bad way or a negative way, but in a way of like everyone's watching what I'm doing, everyone's waiting to see me succeed or everyone's waiting to see me fail or whatever. Yeah, it's just not true. Yeah, no one cares. It's like when we post on Instagram or something and we're like everybody's going to be looking at this and thinking like oh my God, she's so weird, she posted twice today. Nobody cares Post.
Speaker 1:I can relate to that so much because I feel like growing up, especially when I was younger, I was such a people pleaser and I always cared way too much. And I'm like why am I doing things to please other people, whether it was a friend, a guy, like whatever? I'm like this is only harming myself. And like people take advantage of people. Like that, you know they do 100.
Speaker 1:It's like you can still be nice, but not let people walk all over you. You can still be nice without compromising your morals and your values and like your boundaries and like I've. I'm even really I think women we do that all the time Like we're always compromising our boundaries to make other people feel more comfortable. Right, but it goes back to like following your gut and your intuition and like trusting yourself and there's nothing. It doesn't make you a bitch to have an opinion or to like speak your mind or to contradict something that somebody else says, or to hit unmute in the zoom meeting and say, actually, like I think this or I whatever, like that is how you build your confidence and regardless of how it's received, at least you tried.
Speaker 1:It's better than like when you get off the zoom or when you leave the event or when you you know whatever, whatever it is that you're doing, when you stop doing that, being at home in your bed, like oh my God, I wish I would have said that. Or like why didn't I say that this person actually did speak up? And like they got the promotion? Like well, and I always say to you can't control how people are going to take what you say, but you can control what you say. Yeah, so don't worry about what people are going to, how they're going to react or what's not your business, boo, it's not your business, mine, the business that pays you. And like, who cares? Yeah, who cares.
Speaker 1:Dr Sue said those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Oh, my drop, my drop. I'm like, if you're holding it, red fish, blue fish. But it's true, like those people who actually love you and care about you and want the best for you, they don't care. Like they're very happy for you and they want for you to speak up and they value what you say. And the people who don't value what you have to say, they don't really matter at the end of the day. Like my mom would always tell me, like if you don't pay my bills, you can't make me have a bad day. Like what are you going to do? Like their opinions do not matter, right, your opinions do not matter. What you think matters, what you want matters, your opinion matters, what you want out of this life matters. So like, go for that Point blank.
Speaker 1:Cammie, thank you so much for being our first guest for Bigsys Energy. Thank you so much. I'm like what an honor. I'm so proud. I feel like I could talk to you guys all day. I love this for us. I'm like. I feel like like mother daughter vibes or like sister vibes, bigsys, yeah, Like big sister vibes.
Speaker 1:My youngest two sisters are 16 year old twins, so, yeah, so I thought you guys were twins and I was like, oh my gosh, that's crazy. You guys are still so cute. But I feel I feel honored to have this platform and like being a part of you guys's platform. I'm so proud of what you're doing because, like, the world needs more Bigsys energy. It's a real thing.
Speaker 1:Like a lot of people don't have sisters. Yeah, so sad. It is sad. I don't know what I would do without my sister, both my sisters, and that's what I want to start the podcast to. We were like, if someone else doesn't have a big sister, like we want to be that to them. Yes, so you're doing a great job. Thank you, doing amazing, and so are you. Like, relationship is a bomb. Yeah, it's for the. We have some younger listeners, but I think it's for the older girls who didn't have a big sister to tell them things, or you know right, so you guys have to come on. We'd love to, I would love to. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you, thank you guys so much for listening and we'll see y'all in next week's episode. Bye.