114. The Wrong Kind of Uncomfortable (And What to Do Instead)

A TikTok about learning Spanish through exposure therapy and humiliation got me thinking about business. Not in the way you think.

Here's the thing: I know you're already uncomfortable. You're already pushing through, hustling, saying yes to clients, taking on projects, showing up. That's not your problem. That's actually the part that's going to burn you out.

In this episode, I'm breaking down the difference between the wrong kind of uncomfortable (working harder, posting more, taking on more clients) and the RIGHT kind of uncomfortable, the kind that comes from changing the game completely.

Because you're already doing hard things. Let's just make sure you're uncomfortable in the right direction. 

Ready to identify the uncomfortable shifts that will actually move you forward? I'm offering free 45-minute business audit calls: dancingleafsolutions.com/business-audit

Thank you for being a part of the Soulpreneur Scaling Stories community, where VAs & OBMs turn unstructured expertise into a signature method and a business that pays them for outcomes, not hours.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Andrea Elibero: Andrea here, your host and passionate business coach and scaling strategist for soulful service providers and coaches. Welcome to another episode of Solepreneur Scaling Stories. Have you ever wanted to look behind the curtain of your fellow entrepreneur's business to see what actually went into scaling it?

[00:00:22] Andrea Elibero: Well, you are in for a treat 'cause that's exactly what we are doing here. In each episode, we will be uncovering the truth of the lessons and the stories behind what it truly takes for sold entrepreneurs to scale their businesses intentionally. I'm hoping that their stories will help you to unlock the true potential of your business so you can create your own soulful, abundant, and aligned laptop lifestyle through intentional scaling.

[00:00:46] Andrea Elibero: So whether you're just starting out on your scaling journey or you're a seasoned entrepreneur seeking inspiration, this episode has something incredible in store for you. Are you ready to rise, grow, and create a business that fully supports your dream life? Well, let's dive in. [00:01:00] Before we begin, make sure to hit that subscribe buttons.

[00:01:03] Andrea Elibero: You never miss an empowering episode filled with real stories and soulful insights.

[00:01:10] Andrea Elibero: Hey, welcome back everyone. Okay. Today's episode is brought to you by TikTok. Not in the way that you think, but it was a TikTok about learning a second language that really got me thinking and inspired this episode. So let's jump into it. So basically this TikTok was from an American woman living in Spain talking about how to learn a second language, and obviously as an American living in Spain.

[00:01:37] Andrea Elibero: This spoke to me, right? So her answer on how to learn a second language was through exposure therapy and humiliation. I know that's not necessarily what you would expect advice to be on this like business podcast, but stay with me 'cause I am going somewhere with this and it 100% relates to [00:02:00] business and I'm not going to tell you to humiliate yourself.

[00:02:04] Andrea Elibero: So the things that she said, which really resonated with me, where that, she said basically if you. If you are a perfectionist, learning a second language is really going to grind your gears because you seriously have to be willing to humiliate yourself over and over again. You oftentimes feel like you're on a stage with a spotlight on you embarrassing yourself in front of hundreds of people.

[00:02:30] Andrea Elibero: It's like you're like a comedian performing and nobody's laughing at you. They're all just like staring at you. What's she gonna do? Like, I don't understand this comedian. And basically you just keep doing that over and over and over again as much as possible until you get to the point where you just stop caring.

[00:02:48] Andrea Elibero: And it's so interesting because I will tell you from personal experience that 100% happens, right? So you go through all this exposure therapy and eventually you literally stop caring, [00:03:00] and it's not until you get to that point that you're Spanish. Or whatever other language will get better. Because when you get to the point of not caring, then that's when you actually start to speak more because you're like, well, whatever.

[00:03:13] Andrea Elibero: If I mess up, I mess up. Like, what's the worst that can happen? Right? And then if they're like, or if you don't know what they're saying, you could just ask for clarification. And what she said was that a lot of people feel so uncomfortable. In this moment of language learning that they stop themselves from progressing.

[00:03:31] Andrea Elibero: They never get to the point of not caring. So then they can actually talk more, Because they feel so bad about themselves that they think, okay, just forget it. Right? Like, I can't do this. And they just give up. But if you keep pushing, you'll get there. And I was watching this TikTok and I was like, yes.

[00:03:49] Andrea Elibero: That's literally exactly my journey in learning Spanish and. It was. So, I'll tell you an embarrassing story. So like for the first two years of living in [00:04:00] Spain, when it's summertime, you know, when you go to a restaurant, the thing that I want to drink is an iced tea, an unsweetened iced tea. And that is not a drink that exists in Spain.

[00:04:11] Andrea Elibero: So I would always ask for a tea, and then I would ask for a glass of ice. But what I would say was un vaso de hielo. Which directly translates to a glass of ice. And I thought that made sense. Right? But, and I know some of you Spanish speakers are laughing at me right now, but it's okay. I'll tell you the joke though.

[00:04:28] Andrea Elibero: Those of you who don't speak Spanish, I was, what I was asking for was a glass made of ice, like an ice sculpture. But what I should have been asking for was un vaso CON hielo. A glass with ice. So the waiters would be real confused and they would look at me and, and like try to figure out what I was asking for. And then they were like, okay.

[00:04:50] Andrea Elibero: And I never understood what the problem was for two literal years. I didn't know what was wrong. I kept asking for it because what else was I going to do? [00:05:00] Right? Like, never get my iced tea again. No. You know, I kept going, I kept embarrassing myself and I kept. Speaking, even though what I knew, whatever I was doing was something wrong and something ridiculous.

[00:05:11] Andrea Elibero: And then eventually a lovely friend of mine who was also an American, but much further along in her Spanish journey, she corrected me. It was like, oh, this is what was happening. And you know, I could have been really embarrassed. I could have like shrunk away and never asked for a glass with ice again.

[00:05:27] Andrea Elibero: But I didn't at, I was at the point in my journey where. It was really funny, right? I laughed. I corrected it and I moved on and it was because I had already pushed through hundreds of uncomfortable moments and I survived every single one. And I know, okay, at this point you're probably like, okay, like cool story Andrea, but like.

[00:05:47] Andrea Elibero: Okay, you're gonna tell me, right? That like this is about business, pushing through the discomfort, doing the scary thing. Like I've already heard that story. It's right, but I've already heard it. And you're right, it is about that, but not in the way that [00:06:00] you think. Because I know, because I've talked to so many of you guys that you're already uncomfortable, and I also was where you are, 

[00:06:08] Andrea Elibero: You're already pushing through. You're already doing scary things. You're already hustling. You're already saying yes to clients, taking on projects, showing up, putting yourself out there, that's not really your problem. That's the part that's actually going to burn you out. And because in what you're doing right now, you're maxing yourself out, 

[00:06:29] Andrea Elibero: And even if you're not booked out now, at some point you'll get booked out and you'll be maxing yourself out on hours. Or you can see that the way that your business is set up, there's a cap coming down the road, right? You, you know that if you keep doing what you're doing, you're gonna hit a wall, either income wise or you're gonna get really burnt out trying to scale hours that don't.

[00:06:51] Andrea Elibero: Exists. They don't scale. 'cause you can't scale like time like that, right? So I know you're already uncomfortable. You're already in the exposure therapy [00:07:00] of a business. You're doing the thing and you're doing the equivalent of asking for un vaso de hielo over and over again, and wondering why it's not working.

[00:07:11] Andrea Elibero: So when I talk about getting uncomfortable in business, I'm not talking about working harder. I'm not talking about posting more DMing, more networking, more taking on more clients. You're already doing so much. I'm talking about a different kind of uncomfortable, the kind of uncomfortable that comes from changing the game of what you're doing completely.

[00:07:35] Andrea Elibero: And I'll give you a couple of examples to make it a little more concrete. So example one, the discomfort of saying no to reactive hourly work where the client's just throwing things at you of deciding that you're not taking on any more of these random, hourly clients when you're doing all the things for everybody, even when they are good money.

[00:07:55] Andrea Elibero: Even when you have availability, that's uncomfortable because it [00:08:00] feels like leaving money on the table. It feels like exposing. It feels like, what if I can't fill that space with something else? Example two. The discomfort of turning down work that doesn't fit your offer, even if it's from a dream client.

[00:08:15] Andrea Elibero: I work with VAs OBMs, done for your service providers in my one-on-one four month coaching program expansion. And one of the biggest shifts that we work on is building offers around what you love doing, what you're naturally good at, what I call your unique magic, and not just taking whatever comes your way because that's how you build a sustainable business.

[00:08:35] Andrea Elibero: And we do it in a way that's. Scalable that's structured in a way that's less time and you get to make more doing things that you love and that means that sometimes you have to say, actually that's not what I do. Even when it's a client, you are like, Ooh, that would be kind of cool to work with them even when the money is good.

[00:08:52] Andrea Elibero: That's a specific kind of uncomfortable. I had a client who turned down a $3 K project because it didn't fit her offer anymore. [00:09:00] It didn't fit where her business was going, and she. Was really nervous to do that. She felt so uncomfortable, you know, she was like, this is insane. But you know what? Two weeks later, she booked a $5K client that was the perfect fit for where her business was going.

[00:09:16] Andrea Elibero: And example three, the discomfort of claiming something before you feel ready. I had a client, her dream was to have an agency, and the thing is, is that she kept that as a dream, as something she would do someday. Like later, right? Someday. Oh, well, maybe after she was fully booked or when she had more experience, but when we did her business audit.

[00:09:39] Andrea Elibero: I asked her, but what's stopping you? Why can't you start building it now? What if you stopped waiting for permission for this thing and started treating your business like you're building an agency today and not five years from now? And that was both simultaneously, like this big light bulb that went off and deeply uncomfortable, right?

[00:09:59] Andrea Elibero: Because it meant [00:10:00] claiming an identity that she didn't feel that she had quite earned yet. But the thing is, is that in all of these shifts. You're never going to earn it. You're never going to feel ready. The readiness comes from actually doing it. It doesn't come from before. So those are just three examples.

[00:10:17] Andrea Elibero: Your uncomfortable thing might be completely different, right? It might be pricing differently than your peers. It might be niching down when you've been a generalist and might be not niching down or like going like a completely different direction and might be finally launching this idea for a group that you had.

[00:10:33] Andrea Elibero: It might be investing in support before you feel ready for it, but whatever it is, I promise you, it is not more hustle. The uncomfortableness is a change in the model itself. And so now with that, I invite you to pause for just a second and ask yourself what came up when I was listing those examples. Was there something that you immediately thought of or was there something that you kind of pushed away?

[00:10:58] Andrea Elibero: And what was that? 'cause that's [00:11:00] important to notice. And so here's the thing that I can promise you from being on the other side. I live in Spain. I have literally no other choice but to speak Spanish. I can't just opt out because it's uncomfortable. And so I keep going and I keep doing it and it is not easy, but I've got to the other side of it being.

[00:11:26] Andrea Elibero: Uncomfortable, right. I'm on the other side of the discomfort and I just expect it to be like that, and it makes showing up so much easier. It makes. Everything else so much easier. Even when I know I am saying things that are like in the completely wrong conjugations, So what if you treated your business that way?

[00:11:45] Andrea Elibero: What if you acted like you lived in Spain? Meaning that you don't have a choice, you have a dream, and in order to get to that dream or that goal or that thing, you have to make these shift. Because staying where you are right now is not an option, [00:12:00] and it's not because somebody's really forcing you, 

[00:12:02] Andrea Elibero: It's because you have these goals, you have income goals, you have these targets. You have a life that you started this business to build, and your current model most likely is not the thing that's going to get you to and beyond those goals. And now here's the thing, is that your nervous system is going to scream at you.

[00:12:22] Andrea Elibero: It's going to tell you that that is scary, that is wrong, that you need to stay with what's familiar. And yes, familiar might even be exhausted. Familiar, might even be capped income, but to your nervous system, familiar is much safer than anything unknown, even if the unknown is really good, but that's really not safety, right?

[00:12:44] Andrea Elibero: It feels safe in the moment to your nervous system, but if you really think about it, that's really stagnation. And you're not here for stagnation, I do. Free business audits. I do a handful of 45 minute business audits [00:13:00] for free every month. Someone comes to me either feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, capped, or just unknown, like not knowing what direction they're heading in.

[00:13:11] Andrea Elibero: And even if they're not there yet, they're like, Ooh, like this is not really, I don't know, something's going on. I need somebody else to look at this. And a lot of times like, oh, well maybe I just need a better system. Maybe I need a better onboarding, better boundaries, or better time management. And yeah, sometimes those things help, but they're like putting bandaid on, you know, they're, they're not like the.

[00:13:30] Andrea Elibero: Source, like the internal source of what's going on when the real, real shift and the biggest change comes from the business model itself. It's from moving away from reactive hourly chaos to proactive structured offers.

[00:13:47] Andrea Elibero: It's in building something intentionally instead of just taking whatever is being thrown at you. You know when it is. There, and that's the uncomfortable shift that changes everything for [00:14:00] the better. in my program expansion, I work one-on-one with VAs and OBMs done for your service pros who are ready to make this transition.

[00:14:08] Andrea Elibero: And so I am not forcing anybody. into some tiny niche that they hate. I am helping them create framework based offers around what they're naturally good at, and it makes no difference to me what that is, right? If it's more general, if it's really specific, like we do it all, but we build it, the structure that holds it, that holds them and lets them scale, lets them grow and let them do.

[00:14:33] Andrea Elibero: That in a way where there isn't the burnout, right? Where there isn't the working a gazillion hours or there isn't the, oh, I'm really good at this, so it used to take me two hours and now it takes me 30 minutes, so now I'm actually losing out money because I'm good at it, right? Like all that stuff doesn't happen.

[00:14:49] Andrea Elibero: We do the positioning work, we do the messaging, we address the nervous system stuff that comes up. You know, when you are changing this identity, when you are growing and evolving. Because it's not just about tactics, [00:15:00] right? The tactics are important, but it's also the internal work of believing that you get to do things differently.

[00:15:06] Andrea Elibero: That you get to evolve, that you get to operate differently, and that's uncomfortable, but it's the right kind of uncomfortable. So I invite you to sit with what's one uncomfortable shift that you've been avoiding because it feels like it's too much, it's too risky, you're not ready yet. Is it saying no and moving beyond this reactive hourly work?

[00:15:29] Andrea Elibero: Is it finally launching that offer that you have been sitting on? Is it claiming a position that you don't feel that you earned? Is it raising your prices? Is it turning down clients who don't seem like the right fit anymore? Whatever it is, I invite you to ask yourself, is my current business set up to get me to where I want to go?

[00:15:50] Andrea Elibero: Or am I keeping my dreams as a someday that'll happen instead of I am actively working on it now. Because if you're not sure, and if you're wondering whether your business can actually [00:16:00] support your life goals, or if you're hoping that magically something's going to click into place someday, that's what my business audits are for.

[00:16:07] Andrea Elibero: So again, the free business audit, here's what it is. It is a 45 minute deep dive where we look at your model, your business model, your goals, and what are some shifts that we can make right now to get you there. So that way it's not just something that lives in your dreams. We identify specific uncomfortable shifts that will move you forward and not just keep you busy.

[00:16:30] Andrea Elibero: grab your spot right now if you are interested. 'cause again, I only have a few available per month. And trust me, you do not want to wait on it. You can book atvdancingleafsolutions.com/audit.

[00:16:40] Andrea Elibero: It is linked below as well. And listen, here's the thing. You are already doing the hard things. You are already uncomfortable. Let's just make sure you're uncomfortable in the right direction. And so that is what I have for you today. And if this resonated or if you want to hear about the [00:17:00] mistake that my partner and I made when, uh, his.

[00:17:05] Andrea Elibero: Burger or something was too rare and what? What? We looked up and said, instead of the right word, which I don't even know what it is 'cause I don't eat meat, but that's a different story. Let me know. Send me a DM on, I'm on Instagram threads @SoulfulBizCoachAndrea on LinkedIn. Under my name, Andrea Elibero.

[00:17:20] Andrea Elibero: And tell me. One, ask me about it, or two, tell me your uncomfortable shift. I'm not gonna pitch you, it's not gonna be some weird conversation. I genuinely want to know. Generally, no. I genuinely want to know what has come up for you from this podcast episode. I would love to hear from you, and I will see you on your business audit and next time on Solepreneur scaling Stories. 

[00:17:45] Andrea Elibero: Thank you so much for joining us today. I really hope you found inspiration and insights from today's episode. You know, scaling your business intentionally and from the inside out is a [00:18:00] transformational process, but I'm here to support you every step of the way. Head on over to dancing leaf solutions.com/resources for free tools to help you do just that.

[00:18:10] Andrea Elibero: And thank you again for being a part of the Solepreneur Scaling Stories community. Your presence and dedication to growth inspiring me every day.