ADVENT CHAOS CALENDAR: Managing Holiday Sensory Overload With ADHD Families

We share honest ways to make festive gatherings easier for ADHD families, especially when sensory overload hits hard. From pre-cooking to quiet rooms, screens without shame, and clever “helpful” escapes, we trade pressure for peace without losing joy.

• naming sensory overload triggers across lights, noise, and smells
• shifting meal pressure with night-before cooking and flexible serving
• setting up safe zones and signals for kids to decompress
• normalizing screens and headphones as regulation tools
• navigating family judgment with short, confident scripts
• using low-profile ear filters versus big headphones
• managing heavy smells, heat, and the need for fresh air
• turning chores into strategic timeouts that hosts appreciate

Transcript

Setting The Festive Sensory Scene

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's a roll of Christmas and we're on to the HD.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

We're the ADHD ones.

unknown 0:15

I'm Claire.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

And I'm Tien. Ho ho ho. Today we're talking to you about the sensory overload of the season. Yeah, this hits very, very hard. Yes. Bread lights. Oh, lots of smells, things cooking that your children might hate the smell of.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Very, very noisy toys.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Yes. Well, depends.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

TV is turned up loud.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Yeah. Everyone talking at the same time. Yeah. Lots of different little clusters of people maybe in the room.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Parties. Yeah, just get togethers. Yeah. So it goes on all season, but we were thinking more we'll focus on any festive get-togethers where you've got the kids in town, weren't we?

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Yes.

Cooking Chaos And Family Traditions

SPEAKER_01 1:03

Like the actual big day or any of the surrounding big days.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah, and I've got to just say it up front. I feel you may well be the same mate. Yeah. I um I've still at 42 still not reached the uh the role of someone who really is like in charge of cooking the Christmas dinner. That's right. I've helped, I've helped now for a few years by doing this or that elements of it and bringing it along.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Or I've done it once, actually, I hosted once at my house when my eldest was a baby. I had a massive kitchen and massive oven. Yeah. And I had help. But um it's I'm not in charge of all that, but that must be a sensory nightmare to actually be in charge of it all.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Oh god. I mean, I've always given the excuses I'm vegetarian, but then my mum went roaster the roast is veg. My mum went, I'm vegetarian now a few years ago. So yeah, no, um, but I've never had the same amount of rumours or boomers.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Plus, you know, let's face it, I really think a lot of the traditions that drag on are maybe for this that you can maybe No, I love all the traditions.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

We have we have different uh feelings, don't we, about Christmas and on all that type of thing. Like or just different traditions. Um mine are a bit more traditional.

Prepping Food Early To Lower Stress

SPEAKER_00 2:43

And and an ADHD mate, he's a he's a parent, he's a dad. He was saying recently that him and his ex got into a habit of doing the roast the night before.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Like pretty chill throughout the whole of Christmas Eve. So that on Christmas Day it was all ready and ready to be like help yourself and reheat it.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

And it was like very, very chill.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

My parents used to do loads like the night before. Right. Um he was meeting.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

But the emphasis was kind of that you just help yours, you kind of just everyone and it seemed quite indie friendly to me, that for the whole family. I know his kids are both endy. Like it was like, you know, you can just the the all the tension of like Christmas dinner being like ready and everything, rushing to reheat everything and all that was taken away. It was like eat when you're ready when you fancy it, and we're all together anyway, we're just hanging out together.

Kids’ Anxiety And Safe Zones

SPEAKER_01 3:44

And we got distracted though from and we've gone on to like more like the cooking and eating of meals. I wonder why she likes her food, don't I? Okay, yes, you won't. Yeah. Okay. Um, so with my son, because I I am a person, who I always thought. Are you a person? I am a person. I'm a person. I always thought, like, I'm sensory seeking all this, but do you remember when I was a kid it would often get too much for me and I'd take myself off for a bit. Okay. With my son, I think it's too much for him, although he loves Christmas. He just the anxiety of causes on the day is overwhelming. Um, and he always just wanted me to go off somewhere with him. Oh. Which was hard to manage sometimes. Um, but I know that you definitely need to take time out.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Yeah, we were talking about this just before starting press and records where we were calling it like a safe zone.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Like a a an area where you know, like if you're at home, obviously you'd hope like your child can go to their own room and have it, you know, they can manage that space, and like that's obviously even nicer for them, but you're often with family. If you can allocate them a space where you're gonna let them go, even if like you don't had for me, it would be better to not ask some of the time to just like not bring in other people to like it becoming a discussion. No. Because that's when our other adults start to go, why? What's wrong with them? Or whatever. You know, I'd just be like, You can go in this spare room, you know, or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

No, well, it was the thing with me, like with my son is like when we're in other people's houses and I'm there like trying to be sociable for Christmas, and he'd be like, I need you to come to another room with me.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

I didn't necessarily I'd just be like, I'm just gonna take him the toilet, and then we'd be gone for about two hours. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

But just literally hanging out in the other room, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Because he needs a day, but then there's the expectation of everyone else.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Seeing him and seeing you, and you might want to see family members, you don't want to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Definitely, but we've got to put the kids first, haven't we? Um, and because I remember as a kid I could just take myself off, like I didn't need my mum to go with me, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Here's another one.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Yeah.

Judgment, Screens, And Social Expectations

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Is I was thinking of that and I was thinking, okay, here's a time where the digital babysitter is very welcoming. Yeah. Like if they can have an iPad or whatever with headphones on and they can go into their own little world and have that decompression of like zoning in. But we're not just talking about the experience of an ND kid, we're ADHD mums, and then we've got the judgment. Yeah. That comes into it. It's just such a fucking like because then it's like you're aware that your kid that people are your elders are looking at your kid being like face into an iPad with headphones on, a family get together.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

My family about that. Like now that he's older and he'll go off with his headphones, and I don't have to go with his headphones. And they're fine with that because we've always been the kids go off and play on their own with adults. You know, two different rooms for children and adults, you know, so they chill with that. If they can get the kids out of the way, they're made up, basically. I don't know. I your family more like the kids have got to hang around with the adults.

Headphones, Lights, And Noisy Toys

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's nowhere to go. Well, no, I see this is the thing. I still like base my idea of Christmas on like my upbringing. Like it's only the past few years we're starting to form what what are Christmases as the new the new gen the next generation. Yeah. And like so far, my sister-in-law's hosted, and I've like I say, like done a lot of like additional elements, you know. I reached my peak um scouse woman status, in my opinion. Yeah. When she said, I said, like, what stuff shall I do? And she said, Can you do your roasties? I was like, oh my god. And then it was like Jenny's roasties, as if it was this like anti-Jenny's instead of anti-besses. Aunt Jenny.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Um, yeah, um, the other thing is the noise cancelling headphones and stuff like that. Sunglasses, we've read like that's not something for my one, just personally trying to picture me in my family satin on Christmas with sunglasses on, but I know that your family keep it pretty dark on and we're maskers, so exactly. Your family like dimly laced atmosphere, whereas you go into my mum's or back in the day when it was going into my nanas and there's like the big lights on, there's millions of Christmas lights, there's twinkling uh like tinsel everywhere, the telly's probably blurring, all the toys are going off, do you know?

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

And I think for one day you should try to get encourage people to hold their tongue about noisy toys that children have.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Oh my god, okay. See, here's another one of my family like insisting on masking. We've just pretty much never had noisy toys. We've had the odds toy that makes us awesome.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

But like that wasn't a part of my Christmas, it was all silent toys.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Yeah, I mean, my son loved a noisy toy, and I've come from a family of everyone loving a noisy toy, all going off at the same time, of aunties buying people drum kits and stuff like you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Toy ones, babe. Oh god, even worse. I would really struggle.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Crackers being pulled, the blowers going.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

This is convincing me that this season I need to try again with the loops.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Because big headphones on is again, I'm just not sure that I that that's how I'm ready to show up on Christmas Day looking like I've got my podcast on. It depends who you're with, doesn't it?

Smells, Heat, And Fresh Air Breaks

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Because again, you may you you could be sharing it with your family and they all wear loops. Or they did till they lost that.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

That's what I'm saying. So I try loops, but rather than having big, many big headphones on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Um I just find them more comfy, the big ones. But I don't ever feel the need to wear any noise cancelling equipment.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Smells, I said before, didn't I? And that is a really tricky one. Like, because you you know, no one's gonna be like wearing like nose plugs, and you can't really you can't really alter the atmosphere smell-wise, not very easily. I know. And that does feel more intrusive if you go in someone's house and kind of are saying to them, can you open all the windows to get this smell out in the middle of winter or whatever? It's it's a really difficult one, that. Yeah. I suppose maybe you could have like a safe smell on a hanky that you're able to put over your nose or something.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

I struggle with pets, ciggies, and really strong perfume. And I've had to come into contact with them off my family's like a lot, all three at once. So I have had things like I mean, I have a habit of sticking my face inside my dress like this. Oh, yeah, but that's I've just shown physical visually I'm repulsively. But I do it all the time anyway, because I get a cold nose, so I kind of can get away with but people do sometimes say to me, Do I smile? And I'm like, no, my nose is cold. But yeah, I have had like hankies and stuff. Or just have to take a lot of deep go out for um a bit of fresh air, just go on a bit hot.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Yeah, I think like being able to like give ourselves the benefit of walking out of the god yeah, being over hot that at like pensioner parents now.

Strategic Timeouts And Helpful Jobs

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Oh god, heat the central heating on constantly. True. I can't stand that. I can I can't bear it. I have to go out for cool air all the time. Like I show up in a summer dress.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yeah, I think little stints of like walking out the room is probably a really good one for managing the overstimulation. And that's if your child will let you.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

You can volunteer for a lot of jobs as well because people always appreciate this. So I'd often be like, anyone want a drink? And then I can go out to the like the off and have like the beers outside. Ah, anyone want like that? I can go and get anyone want a drink, I can go to the kitchen and get a bit of time away. Um let me obviously go to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Let's go free, just just pretend you're having a massive Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Yeah, bathroom time is important. Let me clear these dishes away. It's something everyone will always love you for. Oh, that's great. But you're actually getting a little bit more than a little bit. I have to fight my brother for the job there. I think he likes him and his wife like to have that little bit of time. Oh yeah, I like that one. Yeah, so they're my tips as a as not someone who doesn't get very sensorily overloaded, but my child does.

Closing Thoughts And Encouragement

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Yeah. Let's leave it there. I haven't got anything to add. I'm just gonna keep keep on trying. I love I love those ones about like just making your helping gestures be a chance for time out as well.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Definitely, yeah, because no one thinks everyone thinks the better of you.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Yeah, such as self-helpful. All right, be so fist and say it with us. Sisters in chaos.