The ADHD MUMS Pod
Real talk from two ADHD mums in the thick of parenting, chaos, and clutter. Gen and Claire share honest highs and lows of neuro-divergent life. We are Mums, but you don't have to be to listen!
We share real, unfiltered stories about parenting, neurodivergence, and daily struggles like executive dysfunction, disorganisation, overstimulation, and Mum guilt. We also celebrate the wins—big or small—with honesty and laughter.
We're both AFAB and biological mums, but this space is for all parents, ADHDers, curious minds, and —even your pets. Everyone’s welcome.
We do swear though, so you probably need headphones if there's kids around!
The ADHD MUMS Pod
ADVENT CHAOS CALENDAR: What ND Kids Need Most At Christmas
We swap kitchen chaos for honest talk on how to support neurodivergent kids at Christmas, from safe foods to sensory plans and the art of advocating without shame. We share what to normalize, what to redirect, and how to keep trust at the center of family gatherings.
• being a consistent ally in front of elders
• normalising harmless differences without apology
• redirecting when a child nears overwhelm
• balancing masking, safety and belonging
• planning for safe foods and buffet strategies
• using scripts to brief hosts on needs
• handling “fairness” when meals look different
• packing lunches, early brunch and flexible calories
• creating quiet corners and exit plans
• using visual schedules and social stories
• accepting unpredictability while offering anchors
Further TW: This podcast references at times: alcohol abuse, depression, mood disorders, medical emergency, miscarriage, traffic accidents, grief and loss, teen pregnancy, anxiety, abuse, PDA, low self esteem, and anti-depressant medications, disordered eating, hoarding...
All music written and produced by Ash Doc Horror Lerczak.
Artwork by Gen
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Let's get ADHD MUMS up the pod charts and raise awareness when we all need it most!
See you next Wednesday! xxx
It's a roll up to Christmas and we're not with AHD. We're the ADHD mums. I'm Claire. And I'm Jen. I'm prepping for Christmas. I've burnt some food. Claire's suffering. Oh, I've been telling her about this crustless quiche that I make in the air fryer for ages. I've been building it up for about three hours since she got it. I found out she suggested I use the dehydrate settings on face.
SPEAKER_01:Because I was like, I can't cook it on a low enough heat. I didn't suggest you use it. I said there's a dehydration button there on your thing. Bet you that's slow.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, to me that's just a direct suggestion, isn't it? Because of impulsivity. Um and anyway, I finally fucking burnt it.
SPEAKER_01:Now we're in a house of eggy smoke. And she's she seems to have managed to find the slowest way to cook her neck known to man.
SPEAKER_00:And it's gone into like a sort of like very robust souffle that is like really, really mobile but keeps its mass together.
SPEAKER_01:Sounds delicious, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_00:But it's also split and separated. We're gonna be eating it after this.
SPEAKER_01:Don't have that for Christmas. So we're talking about our eggnog. Do that with a glass of eggnog. If you want to have as many egg traumas as possible.
SPEAKER_00:I like egg traumas.
SPEAKER_01:I've never tasted it.
SPEAKER_00:What I mean is I like advocacar. Oh, okay. And I think that's the key ingredient. I think as far as I know, eggnog is like how I picture it is like hot milk with advocacy stirred in and nutmeg sprinkled on. Oh, there's no raw egg in it then. There is an advocacy.
SPEAKER_01:Well, if as advocacar, and that's alright, though.
SPEAKER_00:Well, it is raw egg.
SPEAKER_01:I know, but it's sweet, isn't it?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um I could pour some maple syrup on this crustless key. No, thank you. Anyway, we're talking about neurodivergent children at Christmas, aren't we? Yeah. We're trying to preempt if you're not going to be able to do that. We've all been the divergent child. We have definitely all been them. But in the 80s we weren't getting no representation.
SPEAKER_01:We were just fighting for our lives. I I remember like literally the cliche of like sitting under a table. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like with like adults' legs around to try and do it Tom and Jerry style. Um yeah, so adult days. We could do that again. We're trying to preempt um what they need from us.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So you have to kind of dependent on your circumstances, but probably most people will have to be the advocate for their child.
SPEAKER_00:This is one of the major things that we came up with, wasn't it? Was like what speaking for ourselves, what they need from us the most is understanding, but us being ready to yeah, advocate for their needs and set reset expectations from other family members.
SPEAKER_01:Well, we need to be their ally, don't we? We don't need to like when we start feeling embarrassed in front of our family members or whatever, we've got to like be the same, be consistent, like how we be with them at home, we've got to be there, haven't we? And that's hard for us because we've been the anti-child, so we're like still got the self-esteem problems or whatever, feeling like a problem feeling ashamed of the way we are, and then we've got projected onto our child or whatever. Yeah, but for our child's sake, so they don't end up with the same issues. We've got to like be that person who advocates for them, haven't we?
SPEAKER_00:Definitely, so they can trust us because the trust has got to be the important thing, that's not, yeah, and like when you say advocate, I tend to think of things being like somewhat confrontational, like having to like say, you know, having to like verbalise needs and stuff and expectations, but actually part of advocacy that we need to do is just normalizing things. Yeah. So I'm trying to picture like how would this look for me and my family this year, and I'm thinking, and when I'm saying family in that respect, I'm always meaning the elders really, because most of the time, um, my family of the same like age, same generation are much more understanding. Obviously, yeah. Um and I'm thinking of things like I would have certain limits, like where if one of my kids was like screaming and kicking off, yeah, I wouldn't just be like, Well, this is how she is, I'd take her out of the room.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you'd take that out. Because I would spare everyone's sake as well, anyway, wouldn't you?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but say she was being like like really loud and hyper, but uh for an extended period, I probably would be like, right, let's go and have a little calm down over here and try and kind of distract her into a calmer state.
SPEAKER_01:Whereas I think if someone was just being a ch a hyper child, like it's Christmas, get over it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but I'm just aware I'm I'm realising more and more that I think most of my families and d so I'm aware that they are very, very, very uncomfortable with loud noise, like they're genuinely like hurt and overstimulated and like stressed with it ongoing. So I would want to calm my child down into a more communal state.
SPEAKER_01:I probably want my child to calm down somewhere if I felt it was beneficial to them rather than for anyone else. I would be like, air's your loops, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But the beneficial to them thing is that if they're just tolerating your child, that's not beneficial to your child. There are aspects of masking that I want to teach them that is to make them be like able to be in the space, you know, and still be wanted in the space by everyone because that because if if everyone's just literally tolerating my child, they're not gonna like them as much. That's the reality, or they're not gonna like being with them as much, they're not gonna invite us as often. There are aspects where I want my child to know what's their limits in terms of being sociable.
SPEAKER_01:I understand, yeah. Whereas I would dying to get this in.
SPEAKER_00:Whereas the comparison that I'm making is she tends to like to strip off.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I'm picturing that in front of my elders, and I know that some might be like kind of shocked and like, oh, you're just letting her do that, yeah, sort of thing. Whereas if we're just in close family and I and I, you know, she's got knickers on or whatever, but she's stripped off, yeah. Um I'm not gonna be thinking there's any sort of concern, it's just that you think that's uncouth of a of a child of eight or older, you know. Whereas I'm not gonna bat an eyelid and I'm gonna normalise it by just not not really responding, just like as she I picture her like legging it over to me and landing on me naked. I'd just be giving her a receptive cuddle and just talking to her, like, or or making a jokey comment about it, like, oh, are you a bit hot or something? Yeah. Um so they're the place that I suppose they're the different limitations on what I'd normalise and what I'd alter.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I think um it's all about different family dynamics, isn't it? So like anything that's pre pre any child that was pre-pubescent in in my childhood could take their clothes off, but they probably wouldn't want to.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, but like, you know, tops off, whatever for girls, our young age is fine and stuff like that. Um but the noise thing I tend to be like that's different in my family as well, because they're not as bothered, I suppose. They're used to it.
SPEAKER_00:We've discussed that prior, haven't we? Um with mine, I know that all my adults would be like wincing, like would be like genuinely like struggling to be there. Yeah. And so if that was gonna go on and on, I suppose that'd be like. Yeah, but like the alternative is realistically that they could all just leave and then it's just us in the room anyway.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. I guess so. Or they could not.
SPEAKER_00:We don't grow out of sensory overwhelm though.
SPEAKER_01:I I know, but like they can do things about it. The child can't.
SPEAKER_00:Unfortunately, they can't, because that's just the generation they are, isn't it? They don't associate with over stimulation, overwhelm, loop they wouldn't engage with loops and things like that. So it's just being real about it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It's like, yeah, they could, yeah, but you know.
SPEAKER_01:So these are the fine balancing acts that we have to play with with multi-generational situations, and you're meant to be having a good time.
SPEAKER_00:Here's another one with the ND kids at Christmas and the expectations and the blah blah blah. For me, is food, yeah. Um, that's where I've experienced definite judgment where you know she was pre-diagnosis. Thankfully, from here on after, I'll be able to at least just say with confidence and clarity it's an autistic thing. Yeah. You know, like which I knew anyway, it was very obvious to me, but unless they have the stamp of approval from like a governmental, you know, national health service. Um, so my eldest diet was so restricted at the last point when we all sat down with the elders for a Christmas dinner, and um my sister-in-law came up with the cute idea of like bringing her in. She was just having plain bread, yeah. Bringing her in to like it being Christmassy. So she had plain bread with cranberry sauce on like jam, bread and jam. And um, I don't know, it's I felt like the atmosphere was like that everyone was pleased that she had some aspect of Christmassy like food. Um was she pleased?
SPEAKER_01:Did she like the herself? Yeah, but um because you could just cut the bread into Christmas trees.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, literally, whatever. I would just be like, enjoy your bread. That's what you genuinely want. Like, just you know.
SPEAKER_01:But that's cute. Now you've got the diagnosis. If they're like going to be happy to accept it, you can just be like pream preamble. My daughter is our autistic. She has these are her safe foods. Yeah. If we're coming to eat, would you like me to bring them with me? Or are you able to provide them? Because she won't eat anything else.
SPEAKER_00:Well, see, with Christmas with me, now the eldest thing is always going to be just a big Christmas kind of buffet thing, which is very good for my ND kids where they can help themselves to what they fancy, but then we come back to a thing that we've discussed in the past about when we get a Chinese, and my daughter wants mainly just some prone crackers. So she has more than the other kids, but that's been a bone of contention with the kids because they didn't like comprehend, like, yeah, but that's what she's having for a meal. Yeah. So of course she's having more than you, who's having several different dishes and like bits of this and that and this and that with a full plate.
SPEAKER_01:So that's the teaching moment to the extended family, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00:Then it depends what their parents and what your elders are are doing involved with that.
SPEAKER_01:But then But there's a simple thing of saying this is all she's having for her meal, so she's going to have more than of it than than you.
SPEAKER_00:And I do it, but there's still not always been a you can't please everyone, babe.
SPEAKER_01:That's the thing, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00:So I'm preempting that with like my daughter. One of the few things she's gonna eat on the big buffet table at the family thing is garlic bread.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And where everyone would like a piece of garlic bread, but if the host only does one garlic bread, my daughter's gonna have way more than her fair share. It's just preempting these things is fucking stressful, isn't it? Because you're just like, oh, and you just yeah, but I suppose it's things like if you've got that relationship with whoever's hosting, you could say, My eldest will only eat garlic bread, so I'll bring an extra one. Yeah. Or whatever, and hopefully they're gonna say, Don't worry about that. When I buy the stuff, I'll buy two, or whatever, if they're hosting you all anyway.
SPEAKER_01:But um I had it when I was growing up.
SPEAKER_00:Be ready to bring little pack lunches or snack packs wherever you go on Christmas, I think.
SPEAKER_01:I had it when I was growing up because I wouldn't eat meat. Yeah. Whether it was that sensory or whatever, I found meat disgusting, and the roast dinner is mainly meat. And like the they'd be big dinners, so it would be like everyone gets three roast potatoes or whatever. Um and I'd just have to eat less. But I'd eat more dessert. Oh, nice. Or like the buffet later on that we'd have in the evening, or this type of thing, you know, like it's one day and the there's a lot of panic over it, I find, but we're talking one lunch, one day's lunch. Yeah, yeah, you're right. So, like, with like our kids now in in my family, um, it would just be like everyone adopts a roast dinner, and then usually someone later on make the kids pasta, because that's what they wanted. Okay. Like, but like they'd have had their breakfast, they'd be excited, they'd be eating chocolate all day out of their selection boxes. No one was it wasn't that big a deal that they weren't necessarily going to eat they might eat bits of the roast dinner or they might not.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, got ya.
SPEAKER_01:I think there's a lot of pressure over the meal at Christmas, isn't there?
SPEAKER_00:That makes a lot of sense, yeah. Maybe you give your your kid like a nice brunch before Christmas lunch.
SPEAKER_01:So literally just bring a pack of lunch box with them.
SPEAKER_00:I really, really think letting your neurodivergent kid help you make them a pack lunch is a Christm a nice Christmas for them where they can look forward to that evening because they know they've got the safe foods, they've been a part of it. That's it.
SPEAKER_01:And for one day a year as well, they get to like graze on sweets a bit and sh rubbish. Not every one day a year. Not well, you know, like literally.
SPEAKER_00:One of the days of the year when they get to do that.
SPEAKER_01:When it's like, yeah. But when it's like it's lunchtime, you shouldn't be eating any chocolate and that well. They're probably not going to eat the lunch, so let them have a bit of chocolate or whatever, you know. Like, they need some calories for energy to live, let them have that for this one day.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's the what is it that they say they like good enough parenting sometimes, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00:And a lot of the other things actually I'm realising with neurodivergent kids at Christmas, we've already started to cover, haven't we? Yeah. With the previous little chapter, what are we calling it? Um, where it's like expectations.
SPEAKER_01:Advent calendar days.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, well, we were saying, weren't we? Like setting expectations, like a visual countdown so they know what's going on. You were like, yeah, an advent calendar made. And it's true, like that's at least something that's keeping them ticking over with.
SPEAKER_01:I think maybe it's for like the actual day, this is what's going to happen throughout the day more, like that kind of visual thing, isn't it? Maybe.
SPEAKER_00:But I think if you're that if you're parenting like that, that's a continuum of how you need to parent your neurodivergent child, isn't it? If you do social stories, you might want to incorporate ones that involve a big family get together. So it's like you'll be you know, such and such is seeing his auntie and uncle that he hasn't seen for a long time. His uncle is very old and you know, a bit grumpy or whatever, and blah blah blah.
SPEAKER_01:When he needs speech, he tells his mum and she goes out the room with or his dad, imagine you know, but like well, I think for my son in those peak years of just like he wasn't unhappy, but he was hyper anxious all day. Yeah, just like the whole thing. Yeah, but it was a it was happy thing I can't really describe, just like you know, like there was probably nothing I could have done to like be like this is gonna happen and this is gonna happen because it doesn't it wouldn't track, does it, when you imagine it? It's got it would have had to be second by second, and this is the sort of thing it's unpredictable, Christmas. That's one of the things you're at other people's mercy.
SPEAKER_00:True. But this is one of the things where we could talk about it forever in terms of our own experiences, and like like you said, it's so nuanced, but it's a continuum of you know your child best, you know their needs, but the main point I think that we've got from this is be ready to advocate for them and remember that you're their ally and that's important to you. Yeah. So yeah. Raise a fist, say a with us.
