The ADHD MUMS Pod
Real talk from two ADHD mums in the thick of parenting, chaos, and clutter. Gen and Claire share honest highs and lows of neuro-divergent life. We are Mums, but you don't have to be to listen!
We share real, unfiltered stories about parenting, neurodivergence, and daily struggles like executive dysfunction, disorganisation, overstimulation, and Mum guilt. We also celebrate the wins—big or small—with honesty and laughter.
We're both AFAB and biological mums, but this space is for all parents, ADHDers, curious minds, and —even your pets. Everyone’s welcome.
We do swear though, so you probably need headphones if there's kids around!
The ADHD MUMS Pod
ADVENT CHAOS CALENDAR: Rethinking Santa, Elf On The Shelf, And The Pressure Of Traditions
We dig into where holiday magic crosses into overwhelm, from Santa credit and Elf on the Shelf stress to the naughty-nice narrative that ramps up anxiety. We share practical ways to protect trust, lower the mental load, and choose traditions that actually feel good.
• balancing gift equity between siblings and caregivers
• who gets credit for presents and why it matters
• handling direct questions about Santa without breaking trust
• elf on the shelf: lighter alternatives and skip options
• rejecting naughty–nice scoring to reduce anxiety
• picking two or three traditions you truly enjoy
• resisting Instagram pressure and embracing good enough
• simple swaps for neurodivergent and solo-parent households
• teaching kids to gift each other with intention
Further TW: This podcast references at times: alcohol abuse, depression, mood disorders, medical emergency, miscarriage, traffic accidents, grief and loss, teen pregnancy, anxiety, abuse, PDA, low self esteem, and anti-depressant medications, disordered eating, hoarding...
All music written and produced by Ash Doc Horror Lerczak.
Artwork by Gen
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See you next Wednesday! xxx
It's a roll of the Christmas and we're on to the HD. Well the ADHD moms. And it's Christmas coming. And I'm Chem. My name is now Christmas Coming. It's me, Christmas coming.
SPEAKER_01:AKA Clear. It's Christmas coming and we've been talking about the magic. The magic. But not the Ronza Burn or whatever, whoever it is.
SPEAKER_00:We're not getting all over on yet.
SPEAKER_01:Not till New Year. Yeah. Um when the magic is too much.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um I've discussed about how like my son on Christmas Day, it was like he's in like a tense a state of anxiety, but like a pleasurable anxiety, but it was just really weird to watch and be around. Yeah. Um because it was a lot.
SPEAKER_01:And I was talking to you when you got here, wasn't I? Being like overwhelmed, entirely overwhelmed by what to choose for Christmas presents, what to respond like off my children's Christmas list to Santa. What to give from Santa, what to give from me, what to give from me auntie who likes me to get her stuff for the kids and she'll pay me back. And like what do you know? Well, if I get this for that one, then this for that one, and saying to you part of the thing that you haven't had to have of like you can't do the disparity. Like if my auntie gets my daughter two things, my eldest, she can't get me little one to one thing, you know, like oh it's not a sort of thing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's a so-called spoiled only child. That's what the so called thing, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01:I'm saying this about her son sometimes.
SPEAKER_00:Oh no, no, not at all.
SPEAKER_01:When we were downstairs, I was thinking, oh god, I think she thinks I'm saying this about her and him, but I'm not.
SPEAKER_00:No, we were just having a discussion about it. Massive discussion, didn't we? We've got different culture around Christmas and presents and all that. We've been brought up in different ways around that.
SPEAKER_01:We've got different like mindsets about what particular way we want our child to like view it all. Yeah. And we've also had different, I was saying it's clear because we're both training to be therapists, different introjects, which is like the things that like come into your mind over the years that you're alive. So different people that have affected my experience of gifting to my children, being disapproving of like amount of stuff or whatever. Oh, it's exhausting.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um and for me, I think the the magic thing about Christmas, I've been too much is is Santa. So for me, all the gifts to my child come have come from Santa. Don't listen to this with your kids, by the way. No, because we might reveal some secrets around. But we also give gifts too, yeah. Um so every gift that went to my son from me and his dad's was from Santa. Well, what did you give?
SPEAKER_01:Not them. Wow! See, I've had a lot of um voices lately through conversation and through podcasts that's women saying, no fucking way. I am assigning all of my gifts to my child or my daughter particularly, from some fella that she doesn't know. No way. So I've heard a lot of people lately saying they give literally one item from Santa, and it's not necessarily the biggest either.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Well, but I've not heard people giving nothing from them.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I didn't get nothing from my parents, it was all from Santa until I was old enough to know there was no Santa, because you know, that's what I'm saying. That's the magic of Santa for the Christmas, whatever. But really, it's a big fucking capitalist load of shite, and you're like, again, patriarchy, this fellow comes right. Exactly. Sorts everyone out, thanks to you for but who wants who well, you know, all the kids that I knew of were getting their presents from Santa. So who wants to be the person who ruins that magic for a kid?
SPEAKER_01:Well, a load of mums in the that was it, a load of mums in the group chat were saying that they and I was like, Wow, that's when I haven't heard either. Like literally, five of them said me too, me too, me too. Yeah, um, it was the same argument. I'm not telling my kids some some random fella sorted it all when it was me. Yeah, like I want them to know, like that's out of my love for them, and I've sorted them out. But they were like, they tell their kid that they have to get the gift and send it to Santa. That's what I told you. I was like, what? What's the point of that?
SPEAKER_00:Because he spotted some, so I was like, Oh yeah. I I I bought that to Santa Santa, you know, get elaborate.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and then but that is nonsense. Like, I've bought it to Santa the North Pole for him to come down the chimney and bring back. Mate, where's the child not arguing with that? I would be battling that narrative.
SPEAKER_00:Who like who to you know, everyone knows Santa's nonsense who's an adults, but children believe it. I think they want to.
SPEAKER_01:Mate, where's all the pedant children like me that would be sending? My child would be. If I said to her I send it to Santa, she'd be like, Why bother?
SPEAKER_00:I stopped believing when I was about six. I saw some on the I saw some on the wardrobe in our house, and my dad told me he was an elf. He said he worked for Santa.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I like that.
SPEAKER_00:And I went round telling everyone, and they were like, I could see all the idols like looking at me like how weirdo. Like I was a liar, basically, because you know, I'd made it up. I think I had a reputation as being like a liar because I was a bit of a fantasist.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, bless you. But the other things that we were referring to with the magic of Christmas, what are we saying?
SPEAKER_00:Well, like I think one of trips. Oh, we call trips, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Trips out to the grotto. To the grotto to the like light.
SPEAKER_00:And then I'm sure and then you have to tell your kid, like, um, oh, you know, yeah, they all look different, they're Santa's, but they just like repres I used to like say they're just representatives of of Santa on it. Like like you know the way like I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:It's sends them because he can get everywhere on Christmas Eve, but not for grotties.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. But it is all just a capitalist joke, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01:I've read some like extreme level, I'd say, um, respectful parenting type literature that said all of this stuff is dam. Like, I'm not I don't agree. But that that said, like from a psychological perspective, all of this stuff is actually damaging to the relationship with our children because when they find out that we've been lying to them regularly. I was so worried about Santa, about the tooth fairy, about the Easter bunny, yeah, they know that we can lie to them very cl well and for a prolonged time. I know. You get you get it, don't we?
SPEAKER_00:Because I've never I've I when my son was born, I was like, I never want to lie to you because I want him to trust me implicitly, I want him to know. Um and then as he was getting older and the lies happened to get more and more elaborate about Father Christmas. I hated it. I hated lying to him, and I was so worried what he was gonna think when he found out.
SPEAKER_01:That's the thing, isn't it? It's a lie that you absolutely know will be revealed as well. It's not like something that you might like kind of that that just transitions into like nah, they don't believe in it anymore. It means that they realise that all of that was a story, but they might view it as not just a story, but uh so when my son finally said to me, like, um, oh mum, is Father Christmas real?
SPEAKER_00:And I just couldn't lie to say how old he was in like the last year of juniors, how old is that? And I knew some kids in his class would still believe in that. I said, please don't tell anyone else, so don't spoil it for them. Um I think he sort of realised before other kids his age.
SPEAKER_01:And then he straight away, like he did you like a double, a double whammy and went, where do babies come from?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, mate, I've been telling where babies come from from like he was a baby.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, true, and like well aware.
SPEAKER_00:He I just kept talking to him about it all. And he got a book out the library when he was about seven, which was about reproduction of animals. And I but I kept telling him it's sex, the man, this and that, and then like I don't think I think he was just like blanking it out.
SPEAKER_01:Anyway, I have tangents at us, of course. So we've got we've got grottos. What else have we got that's part of the magic of Christmas that we're supposed to provide?
SPEAKER_00:Well, there's all kinds this and there, so you know, there's expectations that like there's the elf.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, MG. Why had I not thought of that when we were talking about what are these things? The elf on the shelf, because I fucking set myself up to do it. I never did it. I decided I would never do that. What a load of bullshit, what a load of made up, yet another thing to capitalise on this fabricated new character part of Christmas that we're meant to just go, oh okay, we'll do that as well.
SPEAKER_00:Well, people seem to start doing it sort of halfway through him being small, and I was like, what the hell is this shit? Yeah, and he didn't know what it was, but then like it was the year that he stopped believing in Father Christmas, he was like, Why have we never had an elf? And I was like, I'm so glad it looks so stressful. One of my besties having to do that after they've gone smash it every night.
SPEAKER_01:She did, like, you know, went on Pinterest and got all the ideas for like what's the little setup scenes, and like she took a photo of it every day. She each Christmas for about three or four years, she'd then print a photo book of the elf's things that year. Little mini ones, and then they sit with the elf. I mean, it was proper, gorgeous. Like, there's no however I just know I couldn't keep on talking about it. However, much that drains her each night, it is lovely. There's no part of her that for a split second will regret that. Like the kids loved it. She's got two little boys, they buzzed off it. It was so fun and cheeky and naughty. It did really naughty things like the elf does.
SPEAKER_00:Anyway, I just thought I'd mess it up and not be able to do it one night or wake him up or just something.
SPEAKER_01:So I've done a really here's my tip actually, because I'm gonna give you life. I'm not giving you the hard to achieve version of the elf on the shelf. So I regularly have forgot and they've gone either they've come down and gone, it's not moved. And you know what? Yeah. And what? No, they're just a bit confused, and I'm like, I join them in it and go, Oh god. Oh yeah. I wonder if I wonder if he just is knacked or just it's just funny, it's just a bit of an anti-climax, but so what? The magic of Christmas is is not ruined by the elf didn't move today. And the kids learn that like these things are like not bit as well. Yeah, like I'm what? It's meant to be an elf that comes to life at night. So if it doesn't one night, you're like, oh right, wonder what was different.
SPEAKER_00:I feel like my son would have got worried and stressed. Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Some kids might get distraught, might because the pattern is broken as well. But another thing I decided was my elf is not naughty because I can't be asked to make a mess even more than I'm in.
SPEAKER_00:You know, people do things like throw flour and toilet paper their own house and shit.
SPEAKER_01:I was like, no, he's just gonna move. Yeah. So he just hides in like swings off things and all that, and they love it. And the last time they they're at their dad's last night, but the night before, when they woke up in the morning, my eldest went, Oh, I can't wait to see what the elf's done. And I thought, shit, I've set an elf alarm, but I must have gone to bed before it went off. I was that tired. So I was like, You just go to the toilet. I was like, I just need to turn the heating on. It was roasting, the heating had been left on. I was like, just need to sort the heating out. She was like, wait, you'll see the elf. I was like, no, no, I won't look. Quickly lashed it on the Christmas tree. You can do it quite quick if you're not doing a big setup.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I think uh my tip on it would be if it's stressful for you, just don't do it to say you've sent a note to the Santa to say that your child's good and so they don't need no elf watching them or anything.
SPEAKER_01:There's another thing I wouldn't have dreamed of brought that storyline into it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like that whole naughty and nice is disgusting. And being surveilled in your own home. And uh well, no, but you know, the whole thing that like if you were nice you'll get more presents than a naughty kid. That puts so that put so much stress on my son because he was like, if he didn't get every single thing off his list, he was worried that it meant he was a bad kid.
SPEAKER_01:Oh god, and it wasn't me.
SPEAKER_00:It wasn't me giving that storyline, but it's just told to kids.
SPEAKER_01:It's so prolific, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it could be like bit part caregivers, like it goes to bed anxious and worried on Christmas Eve, like oh no, I won't get stuff because I'm not good enough and all this.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god, what a way to taint it with sadness.
SPEAKER_00:I know, but that's the that's the part where the magic is is too much. The the whole myth building around it, a lot of it is like out of date, but like you stick to it because it's tradition.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Even I've gotta say, like, I do do it. Don't think I'm that grinchy that I wouldn't do it, but even like leaving things out for Santa and Ruse of is yet another like thing that you have to like add to your list of things to do when you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Like my um I've always done that, and you'd be like dead stressed.
SPEAKER_00:If you got the carrot, if you're carrots.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. But I know people cookies that's part of their Christmas tradition and all that. It's like bake cookies, Santa's cookies. Imagine if that was one of the things you had to remember to do on Christmas Eve.
SPEAKER_00:But this is the thing, there's so many traditions that people have, and it's just more and more pressure. Now, if you're a single mum, if you're a mum not endy, your kids are endy, it's just more and more pressure. Just let things go and let it be like your traditions.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, definitely. And we're gonna talk more about specifically single mum like Christmas tomorrow.
SPEAKER_00:But it is true, like if you if you're but many mums who are in relationships, like they do everyone and feel like they're single mummy. But many of the ones that we know, like the men are pretty useless.
SPEAKER_01:Well, they're you know, uh an additional member of the family, but they're not the same as the mum. Yeah. The mum is the the household manager, the main parent, the carer for the husband. The wager now true of God. Yeah. Um, what else have we got? So, yeah, baking yeah, like decorating gingerbread houses. Some people do that sort of thing, which I like. I think all these things are gorgeous. Don't get me wrong. It's just when all these traditions pile up, like we share so much now online, yeah, that we're aware of like a million traditions that then feel like potentially they should be ours.
SPEAKER_00:So I think it's about like don't try and compare yourself to the Instagram mum who does this, that, and the other. Because like, who knows, like beyond that one snapshot finger it fingerprint, what am I talking about? Photograph that you say. Um, who knows like what went on in the aisle before that and how the household feels to be in, even if it looks like that. Whether it the kids were getting ignored and then just asked to come and be in the picture or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Well, there's a lot being exposed about like influencer mom life for the kids, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_00:It's not all about posing for other people and that. Don't compare yourself. You don't have to try and do everything, and you don't have to try and be perfect, just be that the good enough mum, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I think the key is try and sit for a minute and like picture all these things that you might be thinking you should do or planning to do or hoping to do. Actually take a minute to picture them and see what lights you up the most and see if it's attainable and choose a couple and make them your lovely tradition so that that's something you look forward to with your kids. Make it something achievable and like you know, not too brutal on your like cognitive functioning.
SPEAKER_00:Oh yeah, well my my son's had added in the Christmas Eve box one year. I'd never even in the city.
SPEAKER_01:I don't do that.
SPEAKER_00:And but that's become he he added it in one year, and then I've had to for the next 12 years do it. But um that's become a lovely thing. I actually really enjoy that one. Um because he'll get pajamas, either a toy or a book, and some sweets. Cute. Um or like a movie we used to get at one point. When there were DVDs. Yeah, and like bath stuff he'll get. So we'll go when it comes, he'll go and have his bath, put his pajamas on, then come an easy suite and we'll either watch the film or it was reading my book when he was little. That is very that's become a really nice tradition that I really resented at first because it's just extra stuff that I have to buy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But yeah, I like that one now. Um so that's become one of our traditions and it works really well for us.
SPEAKER_01:That's beautiful. I'm aware that I'm another thing that I'm putting on myself from this year, maybe, is to start to have little whispered conversations with each of my daughters about helping them get a present for the other one. Oh yeah. Because I'd really like them to learn now, yeah early. I'd like them to be able to have the opportunity. Like I've found that one of my one of the successful parts of my co-parenting experience has been that their dad has never I mean, first year, let's let that go by the by because it was a traumatic life moment. But yeah generally, Mother's Day and my birthday and Christmas have not been entirely overlooked by their dad sorting out that they were able to gift me something. Yeah. And me the same for him. And I've always been aware, like, oh I know that means a lot to them, and that gives them confidence and gives them power that they are able to gift that to their loved one. So I want them to have it for each other starting soon. So that's an extra thing to pile on myself in a way. Yeah, it's just one more person.
SPEAKER_00:Until they're old, so that'll be like your person that I'm getting them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but it's cute, isn't it? It is. I think like if they could feel the excitement of knowing that what they've got for the other one, but the other one doesn't know, you know. I think that's lovely. So I've reminded myself on my bloody endless to-do list. I also want to start that. Yeah. Um but anyway, we really have rattled on, haven't we? We have. We're gonna see them again tomorrow. Yes. Speak to them again. We'll see you tomorrow, guys. See you tomorrow, and we're gonna be focusing on you all coping. Yeah, single mum, Christmas energy. Frazzle, we are, yeah. Raise a fist and say it with us, sisters in chaos.
