ADVENT CHAOS CALENDAR: A Milestone In Parenting And Self-Compassion

A voice-note from Gen this time, sharing how a jam-packed holiday weekend turned into a surprise win: the baby bossed her stage fright, friends were reunited, and a community party became a milestone for family confidence. The high is real, the crash is real, and she is trying her absolute best to accept the necessary aftermath rest without shame.

• balancing joy and overwhelm during holiday plans
• coaching a child through safe-scary moments
• reconnecting with old friends and found family
• using early arrivals and craft stations to reduce overstimulation
• kids thriving at a community party after past struggles
• cinema magic, shared laughter, and multigenerational bonding
• charity-led celebration and thoughtful support for families
• decompression rituals with films, baths, and quiet talks
• school refusal after big weekends and responsive parenting
• ADHD energy swings, boundaries, and cancelling with honesty

Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Holiday Scene
• 0:57 Label Gig And A Different Workday
• 1:25 Dance-Class Jitters And A Pep Talk
• 2:39 She Performs Twice And Glows
• 3:06 Reuniting With Old Mum Friend
• 5:35 Community Party Fears Return
• 7:04 Kids Thrive At The Party
• 8:15 Explaining Friends Versus Best Friends
• 9:47 Craft Table And Smart Arrivals
• 10:43 Home Alone At The Cinema
• 12:24 Charity Party And Big Hearts
• 13:52 Decompression, Ghibli, And Bedtime
• 15:01 Monday Crash And School Struggle
• 16:16 Choosing Rest Over Plans
• 17:43 ADHD, Shame, And Self-Kindness
• 19:06 Sign-Off And Sisters In Chaos

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

It's a really lovely Christmas company. Here I am with the hairs Lowe's from the weekend. The weekend to end all weekends, this was. So it just so happened that I said yes to like a million things. And um then just waited with like gritted teeth, thinking, oh my god, how am I or the kids gonna get through this? How badly is this gonna go? Um but you know, I can do it, we can do it, it might be really nice, and honestly, it was like one of the best weekends of the year, easily of the last few years. It was just so gorgeous and amazing. So Friday, I um the kids were with my brother, and um I went out to work at a like the Christmas gig of the record label that I work for. Um that was nice because as you know, most of my work for them is from home and like you know, computer laptop y stuff. Um, so it was nice to like do something different. And uh then Saturday morning got me baby to her dance class, and then she did a performance. She was like all excited and so ready. But then, and the first thing that she said about starting dance classes, like she'd been asking me for ages, but she was like, I won't have to do a show, will I? And I was always like, No, you'll never have to do anything. Like, you know, most dance classes probably will do shows sometimes, but you won't have to do them if you don't want to. Anyway, they've been slowly but surely working towards this show, and I just kept reiterating if she didn't want to do it, she didn't have to, but then she seemed to be like okay with the fact they were preparing for a show. Anyway, on the day we get there, she's like, I'm not doing it, I'm not doing it, like panicking. And I managed to just have the right kind of words with her. I was saying, like, baby, I reckon if you don't do it, you'll feel really disappointed later today, and you'll feel like a bit saddener, a bit like bad feeling in your tummy. And if you do do it, you're gonna feel the opposite, like you're gonna feel so happy, proud, confident, um, and it'll teach you that you can do like safe but scary things. So, anyway, she did it. She was boss, who she was. I've I don't know if I've you've seen the video yet, but she was just so cute. She was proper doing that thing of like grinning to me and her dad and her sister, obviously. Um, and then she did it again. So she did one performance with two dancers in, and then they did it again immediately after because like they haven't got a big enough space to fit all the families in as audience. So I was there all morning with her, uh with both of them, and then I got them straight to our friend's house. This was my like kisselerda frogs to to find a prince mum mate from when I had my eldest. Um so me and her were like super tight when we had our first babies, used to see each other like once or twice a week for like coming up to a year, you know. Um, and then sadly see a lot less of each other these days because just you know, life moves forward, doesn't it? And if you're not in the same school or work or club or something, you know, it's just hard to find time. But um she's the one that I did the collage club with recently, um and we're gonna try to do that once a month next year, anyway. Um, our two eldest obviously have known each other since they were babies, and we were like really like dying to get them together before Christmas, and that was just absolutely gorgeous. And her partner was there who I really like, um, and her baby is like two and a half now. Like he's not seen that much of me because, like I say, we're just not we're not like in each other's day-to-day anymore, or at the moment, but um, so times when I've met her baby, he's been like, you know, he's warmed up to me, but then by the next time he's kind of forgot me again. Um but it was just so special because he like he woke up from his nap, he was like fuming that there was these randomness there, and he was like, took a while, and then he was just like, you know, realised that we were like family, um, and just absolutely like switched on and just was like the most delightful little like singing, dancing, like emotive little like performer on the stage of the middle of their living room floor. Um, and the other the older three kids were just all playing upstairs in in their son's bedroom. Um it was gorgeous to see him, even like he's like a little nephew to me, and he's just like oh, it was just so nice. And um, and my friend's partner took a photo of like me and her and all our kids on the sofa, and that that was just like so gorgeous to look after. Um, and then we went straight to a like a community, you know, this creative community that I've always been part of for like dunno 15 years or something that was formed around like a club and a cafe and art studios and that that were just in the centre. And I used to work in the club and have a studio in upstairs in the cafe, and um you know, was part of the like performing group in the club many times. Um, there's like a hundred odd people that are like friends. Um you know who I'm talking about. They'd arranged a like Christmas party sort of thing, um, and made it seem quite family friendly. And I was thinking, oh, like I've tried to go to like I've done camping festival, little mini festival things with them before, haven't I, with the kids? And had an absolute like hell nightmare with with the girls on my own, and just felt so isolated because you know, as slowly watched, all my friends like realized that they couldn't even speak to me without making my kids cry because my kids were that shy at the time or were that overstimulated, or and so they were all like wanting to help me out and stuff, but like totally unable to because my kids were that antisocial. Um, I was like, you know, trying to convince myself to try it again. So I booked tickets, and um it was proper amazing. Like a few of my like oldest friends from like that used to be in the bands with me the very first situation of the band, like 25 years ago, um, were both there, like they're just like a part of that um world now by one way or another. Um yeah, we're there with their families and stuff, and like loads of people that I never get to see anymore now that I'm not like part of nightlife and stuff, or like have you know working in those spaces, or even haven't been able to join in for so long because of just who my kids are. Um but my two brother like went for it. I think it was like they'd warmed up all day, and then they were just like, right, what next? Which really surprised me.

SPEAKER_00: 8:00

Um the baby ends up like breakdancing on the on the dance floor all night, and um the eldest ends up like on this like cordless mic doing the answers for the quiz, and oh, it was just so gorgeous.

SPEAKER_01: 8:15

It was one of those things where like I could just sit and like look around and be like filled with like the most gorgeous, joyful feeling just looking at all these people that I've got this like long history with. And me, my eldest was being really curious when we first got there, like saying, So are all these people coming tonight your best friends? And I was like, No. And she was like, Well, what don't you know them? And I was like, There'll be a there's a few people here that I don't recognise, but like, yeah, most of these people are like are people who I consider friends, and she was kind of trying to find out what's the difference between like friends and best friends, and I was saying, like, well, I haven't spent like alone time or had like deep conversations with a lot of these people, and yet I've spent weekend after weekend after weekend after weekend after weekend after weekend having a great time dancing with them and like putting on shows and stuff for years when I was younger, and so like and we've all like known each other and got all like interlinking stories and stuff, and like I you know, I respect them and like them all, and you know, trying to explain that to her, and it was nice to like share that with her and her to like really enjoy it this time, and um it felt like a massive, massive, massive milestone in my like parenting experience because like after my two warmed up and like got involved, I mean it was brilliant. They'd set out like a craft table so as soon as they walked in, it was all so good. Top tip was that we arrived, like we were the first to get there, like dead on time, and um it definitely works for my kids because then they warm up as the room warms up rather than walking into like an overwhelming like hubbub of people they don't know and stuff, like it's kind of like everyone's coming into their space rather than them going into this unknown place with unknown people, um but yeah, like once they'd warmed up and stuff, it was very much like family party vibes. There was like loads of kids of all ages, and it was just like you know, I knew and trusted everyone there, and was just able to like relax a bit and like chat to friends and stuff and keep an eye on my kids, but no, they were just running around with a little pack of kids that was just yeah, such a difference from any time I've tried to properly socialise with that old group of friends um since having kids. So absolutely high fire to that babe, and then got them home in a taxi about half nine, straight to sleep, and then the next morning um I'd booked for like the baby's favourite film is Home Alone, has been for about a year and a half, and I saw that it was on at the cinema, so I took them to see Home Alone, and my baby asked if I could we could take my mum. Um so I checked online and there was still a seat next to us. Ranger, sorted, booked that, picked her up in a taxi, did our little normal little routine of like I got her a nice brew, and like that was like really enjoyable, and like it was so bad to see you home alone in the cinema. Like, you know, like when you think about Americ American movie, movie theatre experience of like the audience having a bit of like audience communal vibe. Sorry, I'm just I've just noticed that this leaf on my um piece Lily is dying, and I obviously I've got to take it off right now, even though the backer. So I um it was like everyone like going, oh like the the highlight was obviously like the wet bandits, like the scene where they go through the house and all that. It's about 20 minutes, isn't it? Of like slapstic comedy of them getting like blowtorched and feathered and falling on the ice, and the whole audience, and I was obviously leaning right into it, loving it, like going like oh oh and then like um when they got just before they got taken away by the police when they basically were like scuffed, the whole audience clapped and cheered, and it was like about it was like three quarters of the theatre was um full, so it was like proper vibing, and I like felt quite euphoric. Then we went for a Mackeys um because it's right opposite the cinema, and it's one of the few places my children will beat. Um, and then then we went to a Christmas party that had been put on by this gorgeous um women's charity that has supported me in the past like say five years, and um and they they'd invited Lou to their families and they'd wrapped presents for each child with their name on and stuff, and like tried to like actually like give them something that they knew they would like. There was like a massive buffet, and there was like the whole party was just children's entertainers the whole time. It was gorgeous. Did all like dancing games and like gave everyone prizes, and both my kids had like a boss time, um, and really loved it. And um, and then we got home, and on the way home, my eldest started being like really stimmy and like what what you would say, naughty, like I knew she was like acting up to try and like get her eyes out of me. Well, that's how it seemed, you know, because she had her eye on me, she was like in my face and stuff, you know. It's just like get me home, um, and then we finally um just sat down and watched a film. My rule is like a Ghibli film if we're all knackered. I'm like, we can have a Ghibli. So we had I think we had the boy in the heron actually, which is a bit intense, but they begged me. Um the baby fell asleep, so I took her up, and then the elders said, Oh, please can I have like a candlelit bath and just talk to you for a bit? So we did that, and that was gorgeous. Then she fell asleep, and the baby woke up. Said she needed the toilet, so took her to the toilet, and then she was weak righteous. Every time my eyes were shut into fall asleep, she was like, Mummy. Um and then after all that euphoria, like truly was just like, oh my god, maybe these are the moments where if you're kind of low support needs, disabled in some way, you think you can think like, oh, maybe I certainly one of the things with my ADHD is like my memory going, being like, oh, maybe I was just imagining that I can't do this sort of like level of of managing to do stuff like in an adult normal way. But then, and you know, maybe I maybe my child is way more capable than I knew of sustaining this level of stuff and blah blah blah, and I'm second guessing myself for a minute, and then this morning she was just suddenly, and we got enough sleep last night. She she like went to bed early enough. This morning she was just like school refusing, like kicking off, was trying to go to school, and like she's allowed to go wearing whatever she wants now, isn't she? But she was trying to go in like basically there was there were shorts that were so short, they were like knickers, and it was like pissing rain, freezing. Um, and she was just kicking off, and um oh, and I'd realised I would need to take my youngest to the GP about something, um and so I just took like you know, didn't push my eldest to get into school, took them both to the GP and then took them straight in in a taxi for about half ten, and then oh, did a shop because I was by the school, picked up a parcel from the post office, which is the best of all my Christmas presents to myself, cannot wait to show you them. Haven't opened them yet because I can tell they're not smashed, so I'm gonna keep the surprise for myself to Christmas. But um I haven't even been able to put the shopping away. I am just fucked. Like I'm on episode six of hour-long episodes of Simon Cal, the next act, and I've gone through every emotion on the sofa here about this boy band. Um and I've cancelled my plans for tonight. The kids are at their dads tonight, and I had plans I was really looking forward to. I've just had to text, and just and of course, I deliberated being like, Oh, I don't feel well. Just thought I'm gonna start practicing what I preach, so I just said I'm really sorry, especially to cancel on the day, but like I just have really overstretched this weekend and I I really need some alone time and just to to rest, like I just don't feel well enough. Um and you know, got a gorgeous response and cheers to that as well. Um but yeah, if if you ever go to tell yourself that you're lazy, if you experience this side of ADHD, I would argue that if you enjoy living in a fucking ransacked pig sty ghost house that I'm sitting in right now, and you feel like it's restful to just be stuck on the couch, not able to tidy up as you planned, or even put your shopping away, let alone empty the dishwasher, fill the dishwasher with all the next stuff, make yourself any food or any drinks. Claire, I haven't drank. You know me like that too. I am just stuck on the sofa, just done, done in. So there we go. That's me. That's a long episode for one person talking, isn't it? Um and let this remind you how dynamic a duo we are, so you don't have to listen to my voice on its own like this again. Loads of love, Claire. And loads of love to all y'all listening in. Raise a fist and say it with me. Sisters in chaos.