ADVENT CHAOS CALENDAR: Clutter, Creatures, Chaos!

We record from Claire's hospital bed and unpack a rat scare. From wellies and curtain rods to humane traps and boundaries, we find practical ways to cope when chaos shows up.

• bedside check‑in and mood reset
• scratching sounds and sensory detail
• pumpkins, boxes, and the freeze response
• improvised plan with wellies and a curtain rod
• no rat found and what that means
• humane traps, repellents, and ethics
• clutter, ADHD, and hidden risks
• spiders, boundaries, and tolerance at home
• holiday prep, illness wobble, and gratitude
• strange Christmas memories and sign‑off mantra

Chapters

• 0:00 Bedside Check-In And Mood
• 2:20 The Scratching Begins
• 5:45 Pumpkin Box Suspect
• 10:05 Fear, Freeze, And Rat Memories
• 13:30 The Wellies And The Curtain Rod Plan
• 16:45 Box To The Yard, No Rat
• 19:40 Traps, Repellents, And Ethics

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

It's a roll up We're the ATHD once.

SPEAKER_01: 0:17

I'm Claire. And I'm Jeff.

SPEAKER_02: 0:23

And we're side by side again reclining, but one of us is in a hospital bed. Yes. And being the most dedicated podcaster in the world, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00: 0:34

Yeah, we're saying has anyone else podcasted from their hospital bed recently? Hmm. I reckon no. What did you say? Definitely no men have been though in it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 0:50

So I'm not feeling myself, guys. Uh-huh. I'm mainly gonna be listening. Yeah. Uh I'm trying not to laugh too hard because it really hurts.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00

Well, she's just let me see her square as well. Well, too soon to be squared her offsite. And no wonder it'll hurt.

SPEAKER_01: 1:10

Jesus, this girl has been through it. Jen's just watched things. I've got my dressings changed.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:18

Looking very healthy. Yeah. Well, yeah, you did say I look like Bride of Frankenstein.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25

I was so good. So you did have more in common with the Frankenstein we were fighting over. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32

Um, so I've said to her this morning, well, shall I bring the podcast setup in because I've got a story to tell you. Because I was due to come and see her between 11 and 12 arriving, and I was planning to get here for 11. Just give myself a bit of a buffer.

SPEAKER_01: 1:48

And you've really very much cheered me up because I've been the miserablest I've ever been in my life. Like yesterday and going into today. Like I was probably so miserable.

SPEAKER_00: 2:03

Yeah. Like hormonally, and you know. But you know what? I keep thinking, thank God you're not on like a ward again like you were that time. I know.

SPEAKER_01: 2:12

I know, I know. Thank God for hospital improvement. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 2:17

But I was like, I'll bring this set up because I've got to tell you. Because I texted, sorry, I'm a bit delayed with an ADHD nightmare. But I'll be there soon. So I was sad in mind. My kids went away last night. We've had our Christmas, it was gorgeous.

SPEAKER_01: 2:36

Should we apologise for the fact that there's buzzers going off?

SPEAKER_00: 2:40

No, we shouldn't.

SPEAKER_01: 2:43

There are and there will be. Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_00: 2:46

Um kids went off last night. Yeah, to get up early to go to physio for my back and my knees and all that. Anyway, got home and made myself a coffee. And sat there listening to this podcast. Not our one, a podcast. And then I paused it because I could hear like some sort of scratching. And I thought she's gone away next door, so it's not her. What do you need your bed thing? I need to move my bed, sort of thing. Don't be sorry.

SPEAKER_01: 3:19

Oh too high. Might need to go. Just gotta put my head down a bit, sorry, guys. Okie kokie, continue with the scratching.

SPEAKER_00: 3:33

So I thought, oh no, it it can't be. Because I've never had any sort of infestation in this house but romance.

SPEAKER_01: 3:43

Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 3:44

She's amazed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 3:47

No, just because in the older in you know there's n you often get rat infant in terrace houses.

SPEAKER_00: 3:53

Yeah. But I just I just thought that is so familiar, that scratching, because I've had I've lived in a rat-infested house before. And so I just kept listening out for a minute. And then I heard it again. It was so clear because the podcast was off. And I was like, oh god, that really sounds like rats in the wall. And then I heard. I could hear this animal's mouth opening and closing. It wasn't just the like gnawing and chewing. I could hear like I could hear its fucking tongue and it's like the wetness of its mouth opening. Like that's how close it was to me. And I was just frozen on my sofa. Oh sorry, yeah. Um I'll maybe I'll put one at the start, actually.

SPEAKER_01: 4:49

Sorry. I feel quite sick, you know. Oh god, and so I was like, oh my god, like that's right in this room now.

SPEAKER_00: 5:03

And I knew I could see here where it was coming from was under the dining table as well, which is, you know, a hazard zone. Because I'd just done a big buffet on it the other day. So there would have been all sorts of tumbling off under the table. I hadn't had a good hoover under the table because it's full of moving boxes.

SPEAKER_02: 5:25

It's just like full of folded moving boxes. In boxes.

SPEAKER_00: 5:31

And so I was thinking, oh my god, no, no, no. And I frequently open the patio doors at the back, right next to my dining table, and did do on our fake Christmas Day, day before yesterday. So I was like, it sneaked in and it's hid under the table in the boxes with like a little buffet of its own. Then Happy Christmas, Juan and all. Then I remembered I put I was embarrassed to still have three pumpkins in the kitchen. They weren't rotten at all, they were fresh because they last friggin' months. Do they? Yes, they do, honestly.

SPEAKER_01: 6:09

I felt bad haven't mine after like a couple of weeks.

SPEAKER_00: 6:12

I hadn't carved them, that's why.

SPEAKER_01: 6:14

You know, if they No need to have time, but I thought like that's a big fruit just rotten on the inside.

SPEAKER_00: 6:19

Squashes are like that, they're just really good at keeping. So I had these three still in my kitchen. I was swearing to myself that I was gonna make a lovely soup or a puree and make pumpkin pies, which I've only made once in my life. Um I was like, I'm not just chucking them, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna roast them, but I'll have to wait till after the fake Christmas now. But I was embarrassed and I just didn't want a conversation with any of my more well put together family.

SPEAKER_01: 6:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 6:47

So I uh put them all in a cardboard box and put them under the dining table. So I was thinking, sorry, she's having to hold her abdomen to black. Yeah. I knew that it was sat in the box with the pumpkins just having a feast. Oh, are you fucking joking? No, I could hear that's exactly what it was.

SPEAKER_01: 7:08

Well, you can just get that box and lash it then.

SPEAKER_00: 7:11

Yeah, but just get it. It didn't help. I'm not scared of rats as such, but I don't think.

SPEAKER_01: 7:15

I mean you doing the crop the pumpkin box under late recently, so it must be after fun, so yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_00: 7:21

Tape it up, get the box and lash it. Yeah, but even at that moment, even the thought of going near it to tape it. Listen, so I uh starting. No, no, I just mean another thing that was at play in my head. I've not frightened of rats, I've had pet rats. My besties had pet rats, like they're look they can be lovely, obviously. But and I've lived with rats unintentionally and they've not, you know, not come for me. But last year, an old work colleague posted on Instagram she was chasing rats down a stairway, like a rat, sorry, that had come into the flat building. I misgendered them though, they they were chasing a rat down, like out gently going, come on now, shoo, shoo, go down, go down.

SPEAKER_02: 8:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 8:15

Um, and filming it. And like staying like four or five stairs back, and it was one of those flats where like there's five stairs, then a landing, five stairs, then a landing. And the rat just suddenly ran at them and was like and like literally leapt up about four stairs and was charging at them. And I kept picturing this happening. That's why I've come in wellies today.

SPEAKER_01: 8:40

Charging wallies.

SPEAKER_00: 8:41

So this is why you've got the wellies on. Because I was like, I was frozen to the sofa for ages. I just kept hearing this rat going.

SPEAKER_01: 8:52

I I have had mice or rats or something in the house before, and my reaction was to freeze. I just couldn't move. Fight, flight, or freeze, just freeze, innit?

SPEAKER_00: 9:03

And so eventually I was like, right, this this will not do. But even just to get the pumpkin box out, I didn't want to go near it in case it leapt out at me. I just couldn't bear it.

SPEAKER_01: 9:14

I think this is that was an unlikely serious.

SPEAKER_00: 9:19

Because I'd seen it from a f a peer recently. It I knew that that was perfectly possible. I wasn't just imagining it, I was referencing someone else's experience that I had seen with me on eyes, do you get me?

SPEAKER_01: 9:33

I suppose.

SPEAKER_00: 9:34

So I've ended up tiptoeing. I went into the hall putting wellies on for some reason that made me feel more secure. Cause it's a bit tougher to bite through. I suppose, but the short ones only couldn't couldn't be ours to get the real ones from upstairs.

SPEAKER_02: 9:50

So you would protect it up to your ankle. Yeah, basically. They couldn't bite me to them. From this beast, I can rub leap upstairs and jump up on people.

SPEAKER_00: 10:00

So then I've gone over, I've had to cut completely clear my eldest's folding desk so that I could fold that up out of the way to like back against the wall, open the patio doors wide. Yeah. Then I've seen, oh that's handy. There's an old curtain pole in the corner of the room. So I've lift picked that up and lifted the tablecloth with it so that it's all up from being draped down. Then I've pushed all the folded cardboard boxes out of the way and and a floating shelf that was on top of the pumpkin box. Then I've had to go round the other side and push the pumpkin box forward with the rod. Slowly, slowly, slowly pushing it in the middle of the room.

SPEAKER_01: 10:42

Where did the rod come from? Sorry, I found it in the corner. I got lost. I just found the rod. Did you mention the rod? I'm sorry. I'm not covered on this story very well.

SPEAKER_00: 10:58

Well, I do go into too much detail in the wrong area.

SPEAKER_01: 11:00

No, it's just I got excited because I heard there was a rod getting thrust.

SPEAKER_00: 11:05

Um and so I had to keep like adjusting my angle on the table to like push this box, and it was like redirecting itself off on a wonk and this and that. I was trying to get it all the way to the patio doors, and I was thinking, thank God this rat has stayed in there. So eventually I got it all the way to the patio doors, and I managed to lever it and tip the box over into the yard, and the three pumpkins came rolling out. No rat. What? No rat. And the pumpkins were entirely whole, no damage of any kind.

SPEAKER_01: 11:41

So you'd imagined it all?

SPEAKER_00: 11:43

Well, I fucking hope not, because it was so it was so intense. I hope not, yeah. I hope not. But that means we're still a rating. I know it does, but at least I'm not mad.

SPEAKER_01: 11:53

Like um, so yeah, but you're very overactive imagination.

SPEAKER_00: 11:58

No, babe, I heard if I heard that and it was imagination, then I need antipsychotic medication.

SPEAKER_01: 12:04

I'll hear like a creak go in your house or something. You'll be like, what's that? Baby, I know you know you've got good hearing, but then it goes over. It's like I'll be like, yeah, the house noise. You'll be like, no, it was like someone clawing at the wall starting.

SPEAKER_00: 12:23

Um I know what I heard. And literally heard its mouth move. I could hear this thing's mouth opening and closing. It was like I could hear its tongue. So it wasn't in the pumpkins. It wasn't in the pumpkins, it hadn't been near the pumpkins, which were a really tempting little feast for it. So I was thinking, are they that into pumpkins rats? I would imagine so.

SPEAKER_01: 12:51

Would ya? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 12:55

But I just I didn't think they were big into like fruit and veg. Oh well, you know what? You've reminded me maybe I should try and set some sort of humane track tonight with peanut butter. If I do like a big crate, right? And a plank going up to it and put peanut butter inside the crate, then I'll have to lift a crate full of wrath out tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01: 13:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 13:20

Release it into my yard.

SPEAKER_01: 13:23

Yeah, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00: 13:26

But anyway, I just picked up the pumpkins, put them straight in my compost bin.

SPEAKER_01: 13:30

You get them things that they say work, but they know.

SPEAKER_00: 13:33

Repellant things. I've got one at the same time. And they say peppermint oil, which I've got oil. If I flick a bit of that around, but it still needs it needs a way out if it's in and it I'm repelling it.

SPEAKER_01: 13:45

I I had them for quite a while. I can't remember what got it to them in the end.

SPEAKER_00: 13:51

Um I well, the time I lived with them I ended up getting a rat man. You know, yeah, yeah, and it was poison and one died right under my dining table. Oh gosh. Stretched out.

SPEAKER_01: 14:03

And I feel bad because I want them, I don't want to get them, don't want to hurt any creatures. But also it's it's for your neighbours and stuff, isn't it? You don't want them to get infestations. And I had the once in a house with the actual me wires and everything.

SPEAKER_00: 14:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 14:22

We've done all my electrics up.

SPEAKER_00: 14:24

Oh my god, yes, that happened to me and my ex too. Do you remember we came back from tour and they'd gnawed through the fridge freezer wire and all this like fish and stuff? No, I won't tell you, sorry. I've said it now. I defrosted. It was awful. It was awful. But do you love eating wires for some reason there? Um but anyway, so now me living room's in even more chaos because the table's out, the bench is out, the boxes are out. I've shut the kitchen and living room doors, thinking at least it can't like go into the rest of the house while I'm out.

SPEAKER_01: 15:00

Have you got these of the um pumpkins?

SPEAKER_00: 15:03

I put them in the compost, yeah. I felt like they were all compost? I've got a compost bin.

SPEAKER_01: 15:09

Wait rats.

SPEAKER_00: 15:10

What? Rats love compost. It's enclosed. Oh, is it? Well, I hope so. Maybe that's where it lives. I don't know. In the yard. Yeah. So anyway, that's it. And then Well, good job you moving out soon, isn't it? Yeah, well, this is the thing that felt so ADHD about it was like the amount of the amount of floor space in my home that's covered with stuff. Yeah. Extra excess furniture, excess things stashed down the side of everything, and in every corner there's a stash of like things propped up or bags waiting to go here or there, or you know what I mean? Just so much space for things to hide. Even spiders, if you don't like having spiders, it encourages spiders if you've got piles of stuff everywhere. I we I always have spiders in my house. Do you? Yeah. Oh, I don't I've had so few in this one. Oh yeah. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_01: 16:16

Well, I never get rid of them, um, because I don't mind them, I think is one of the things.

unknown: 16:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_00: 16:22

Do you not like spiders? I don't usually kill them. I usually like get them in a cup and remove them or whatever, and it's every step of it is agony for me, like psychological like terror. But I um saw the biggest one I've ever seen in a house. One night at the top of the stairs, it came out from the skirting board and stood there like it was challenging me. It was in my path. Yeah. My kids were asleep. I was pretty friggin' traumatised at the time, wasn't I? In acute trauma. And um I was just on edge and I threw something at it, killed it instantly. I meant to like shoe it away, but it was just like it would like leapt onto its back and was dead.

SPEAKER_01: 17:12

I'm trying not to be impressed by you. You shot your range, you were killing something.

SPEAKER_00: 17:17

No, it wasn't something particularly big either. Oh god. Um anyway.

SPEAKER_01: 17:23

Yeah, no, I just always let them live. Unless they saw getting in my way, like getting in my business. And then you just threw me away. Not allowed, not allowed on my bed.

SPEAKER_00: 17:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 17:34

Oh, you brought a spiders into me before, didn't you actually? What? Oh yeah. You made me a little Christmas tree from those spider on me. I think there was no retreat. Hunger off the dangling wires being there. I'm not bothered, so I don't know what to visit that spiders. I've brought us a spider to infest the hospital now. I used to have a big cobweb across my bedroom. In the old house.

SPEAKER_00: 18:05

Come on.

SPEAKER_01: 18:07

Um and my son used to always like skip me about it. He's like, isn't that a cobweb? And I was like, well, it's my spider friend's home.

SPEAKER_00: 18:16

They're doing their thing, I'm doing mine. Oh, do you know what? You've reminded me there's one in my bathroom at the moment. It's got a little nest of eggs. Oh. It's tiny, you know, well, it's not a money spider, but it's it's compact. And I'm not moving her because I'm thinking, like, you know, I'm just thinking a bit like Zen and like she's here in this home with her little babies that I've been so worried about getting booted out of before I'm ready with my next home, so I've let her stay. We've all read Charlotte's web, haven't we? Yeah, exactly. Thankfully my kids haven't noticed there because they'll flip if they do, but Aw. Um I was just about to tell you.

SPEAKER_02: 18:55

Go on.

SPEAKER_00: 18:56

One of my lad friends from school who can be quite quite a difficult crowd with like just the way I tell stories or whatever, or the way I interrupt, and I'm impulsive with chat. Um and he's highly intelligent. And I I would have imagined he likes things like very like accurately told and stuff.

SPEAKER_02: 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 19:21

But he I mess up with him and some of our other like lad mates. We we were like a little stoner gang back in the day. And he said, I'm a I'm a full-time avid listener to your pod, you know. Oh he said you and Claire like do a great job. I'm genuinely impressed you've done a thing there with that.

SPEAKER_02: 19:39

Oh says he listens to every episode. Oh, well, thank you, Mr.

SPEAKER_00: 19:44

You. Do you know who I mean? Richard.

SPEAKER_02: 19:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 19:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 19:48

Um thank you, Richard.

SPEAKER_02: 19:50

If we're naming you. Sorry, I guess it's okay to name him, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 19:53

We just don't normally say names, do we?

SPEAKER_00: 19:55

Yeah. Um but that's because we're talking about all their business, isn't it? The people we don't name.

SPEAKER_02: 20:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 20:01

We've talked about Ash.

SPEAKER_02: 20:02

In fact, in fact, I laughed out loud the other night and said something to Ash. Can't remember what it was. I think it was an accidental like pocket record. And he instantly went, Were you okay? And I was carrying on with our legacy of like oh Ash being emergency calls to us. Yeah, she's a good one.

SPEAKER_00: 20:22

Um yeah, so we hope to speak to you again in a few days. Yes. And we've been a little bit more than a few years. The big day. Yeah, the big day. We hope you're all doing well with your prep and you're not too stressed.

SPEAKER_01: 20:39

No, it's just gone all over the place, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 20:42

Yes. Mine nearly got called off with the sickness as we were discussing can't happen previously because we bought a bond the night before in the night.

SPEAKER_01: 20:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 20:51

And I had the noseblees in bed and everything. I think it was just stress and excitement. But um I told all my family. And because she was just fully well the next morning, they all just came over as planned. But I was sat there for a while thinking, shit, I've spent over 100 quid on food here, and it's like the kids are going away, it's gonna be just me.

SPEAKER_01: 21:12

It's so annoying, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 21:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 21:15

Well, um yeah, we we we look forward to having probably one of the strangest Christmases.

SPEAKER_00: 21:22

We'll ever have.

SPEAKER_01: 21:23

We'll ever have. And the last strangest one I had was in Tenerife. Hopefully it'll be less it'll be better than that. Tell us about that one. It's just simply that. We were I was 18, we went I went with like all my family to Tenerife for Christmas, pizza for Christmas dinner, and some shitty bar. I hate the sun anyway. It was just not for me.

SPEAKER_00: 21:50

We'll we'll beat that this year.

SPEAKER_01: 21:51

I stood on a co a cockroach in my barefoot just after we'd had a big talk about if you see cockroaches, don't stand on them because they carry their babies in their back. So I stood on it with barefoot and went to the passive vegetarian. I know we're also thinking like old cockroach babies have gone into my foot.

SPEAKER_00: 22:14

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 22:15

Um and I was just I was hysterical, like my dad came to me because he thought some mum was actually like trying to kill me or something. But it was probably my most bummer of a Christmas.

SPEAKER_00: 22:30

Yeah, well if Efo beat that. I mean, I'd then it'll be better, we won't make it more of a bummer.

SPEAKER_01: 22:35

No, let's beat it for goodness, that bummerishness. Yeah. Not that they're mutually exclusive.

SPEAKER_02: 22:45

Bummering thank goodness. So brace your abdomen. Yeah. Raise the other first and say it with us. Sisters in chaos.