The ADHD MUMS Pod
Real talk from two ADHD mums in the thick of parenting, chaos, and clutter. Gen and Claire share honest highs and lows of neuro-divergent life. We are Mums, but you don't have to be to listen!
We share real, unfiltered stories about parenting, neurodivergence, and daily struggles like executive dysfunction, disorganisation, overstimulation, and Mum guilt. We also celebrate the wins—big or small—with honesty and laughter.
We're both AFAB and biological mums, but this space is for all parents, ADHDers, curious minds, and —even your pets. Everyone’s welcome.
We do swear though, so you probably need headphones if there's kids around!
The ADHD MUMS Pod
January Without Shame: Rethinking Resolutions For ADHD Mums
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We unpack why “new year, new me” backfires for ADHD mums and offer kinder, habit-based alternatives that fit real life. From dopamine needs to the mother load, we trade all-or-nothing pressure for tiny steps, seasonal timing, and better support.
• Why January feels heavy after holiday overload
• How ADHD motivation differs from willpower myths
• Why vague goals trigger shame and stall action
• Habit stacking for small, immediate wins
• Five minutes instead of every day framing
• Measuring progress without perfection
• Using seasons and rest as strategy
• Asking for support and building your village
• References: Barkley, Fogg, Atomic Habits, habit formation research
• Community, gratitude, and our season three update
If you're enjoying it, if you've listened to this one episode and got anything out of it, or if you're a regular listener, even more so, please take the moment to give us a little review, a little star rating and a little good review on whatever platform you're listening on
Further TW: This podcast references at times: alcohol abuse, depression, mood disorders, medical emergency, miscarriage, traffic accidents, grief and loss, teen pregnancy, anxiety, abuse, PDA, low self esteem, and anti-depressant medications, disordered eating, hoarding...
All music written and produced by Ash Doc Horror Lerczak.
Artwork by Gen
For more information about us, our podcast and our ADHD MUMS community, visit OUR WEBSITE.
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Let's get ADHD MUMS up the pod charts and raise awareness when we all need it most!
See you next Wednesday! xxx
We're the ADHD mums. I'm Claire. And I'm Jonah.
SPEAKER_00:Hello, we're back from the bed of Claire again. We are, cause that's where Claire resides now. In bed. You wanna see Claire, you come to Claire's bed. I'm on a pyamo in the bed. Oh yeah. Burmo with a palmo? Yeah. Um so yeah. It's January, girl.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, it's January. It's mid-June.
SPEAKER_00:Well into Jan. Yeah. Oh yeah, happy birthday, Ash! Oh. You've heard the bowls. It's that Ash again. So yeah, mid-Jan. I think a lot of us, if we made them, we've broke our reszies by now in a girl. Well, speak for yourself, baby. Oh, I will. No, yes, but I don't make them anymore, to be honest, because I know that I can't keep them.
SPEAKER_01:And it'll just make me feel worse about myself. Same here, but I do things that I'd like to do through the year. Yeah. Sort of thing. And all my like um exercise and fitness related ones, it's more like they haven't started yet rather than I've broken them, which feels nice.
SPEAKER_00:Feels gentler. Yeah. Um well you you can't expect to be starting resolutions this time of year, really. Which is like people who work more on a seasonal basis, say you should be making making them and starting them in spring.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, when everything's like beginning.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. So anyway, that's what we're gonna talk about. We're gonna talk about why January feels particularly hard for us ADHD mums and why the new year, new me, doesn't really fit with our psyche.
SPEAKER_01:No. We love it.
SPEAKER_00:Well, yeah, we do, but you know. Um so just as a little let's get started on it. Um January is a month that has followed Christmas, which was such a terrible period. Terrible period of overstimulation and no, it wasn't a terrible period, but you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, overwhelm.
SPEAKER_00:For everyone, neurotypical, neurodiverse, neuro, neuro. It's just uh that's a tiring time of the year. So a lot of people don't come into the year being like, Woo, I'm ready to go, all refreshed, and everything. And they come in like their energy is in the boots.
SPEAKER_01:They're starting from a slump, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And this whole new year, new you message ignores that exhaustion, yeah, the mental load, and just like real life. So all them ones on Instagram in their grey trackies and their grey houses live in their perpetuate, it ain't real.
SPEAKER_01:No, like the pressure to like reset and improve everything and optimize your life um can trigger a lot of shame, can't it? Especially as we know in neurodiverse brains, yeah, where shame is always so close to the surface. Um like yeah, it's quite a predictable response to struggle with that. Um I have found a statistic. Um I won't quote where from, so you know it's a bit of a janky quote, but you know. Uh this one survey said that around 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by February. Um, and that most people abandon resolutions within the first two to three weeks, and that fewer than 10% of people maintain resolutions long term.
SPEAKER_00:Wow. Um and that's it, that's your enormous.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, yeah, I guess that's just a full demographic.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um we can relate, can't we? It's like Oh, definitely. Well, I think the key is um, but I suppose we're gonna go there later in the episode, but for me it's about not it's about learning how to set resolutions that are realistic.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, giving yourself more chance to not fail. Not certain them, because like why put that pressure on yourself?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, and yeah, if they don't work for most people, they're just not gonna work with our ADH brains, are they? ADH. Our ADH. ADH? I can't even be asked to say the whole thing. Um and expecting us to like just be disciplined, just have willpower. It's not realistic because as we've talked about previously, we process dopamine differently, our motivation works differently than other people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and we're knockers.
SPEAKER_00:And yeah, ADHD is not a lack of motivation, it's a difficulty accessing motivation because of through if if it's through delayed reward, we need more instant rewards, more carrots along the way when we get to our big carrot. I'm talking carrots and sticks there, like in case you didn't get that metaphor. Um I'm not just into car I am actually really into carrots at the moment. Yeah. Um, because resolutions generally rely on a long-term payoff, so it's like I will lose tensor this year or whatever, some yeah, mad thing like that.
SPEAKER_01:Whereas we know full well that ADHD brains respond better to novelty urgency, like the immediate reward, and your own specific interest.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, which also people may make the mistake of making their goals and like plans not really that personal, just go for kind of more generic ones or what they think they should be doing. Sorry, it's the school calling me. Okay, let's pass. Hello, we're back. It was a call it was a call from the school and then a phone call with my mother. So I'm in a different head space than I was before.
SPEAKER_00:And that's mum life.
SPEAKER_01:But we will, yes.
SPEAKER_00:And we did start recording again, but you haven't pressed record or something. Yeah, and so we get three times.
SPEAKER_01:So we were talking about like that we need immediate rewards and like novelty, weren't we? Yeah. And like vague goals, like just get organized, don't provide enough dopamine for us to sustain the action.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because you can't like track that in any way.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly, yeah. And it's and it's too big, isn't it? Yeah. It's it's gonna lead to executive function overload, isn't it? Yeah. Like, because all these resolutions, they they require planning, consistency, memory usage, existence of memory, yeah, um, emotional regulation to like keep on with it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and and those are the things that we struggle with as ADHD people because our executive function is different. Is sadly but ref. Which we've talked about previously in more detail, haven't we? Yeah. And then you add into that as mums, we've got parenting going on as well, and that already uses like most of our available executive capacity.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, we've discussed before, haven't we? Like the mother loads, the like the unpaid labour that's involved in being a parent. At this time of year. Yeah. Um, so you've got like your usual school admin, housework, and then you add in like finding places for new stuff that's coming at Christmas time.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god, you're right. And the pressure to like get rid of stuff to make space for the new stuff because you want to ideally have this one-in, one-out rule that you've put on yourself for this and that.
SPEAKER_00:And then you like packing up your Christmas tree and all that. I always find that like a hassle, real hassle.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, managing finances because a lot of people have overspent at Christmas. Um, and yeah, and then there's like those Instagram social expectations, being the perfect mum, the new year, new made up, and finding time and space to have a big life change at this time is just unrealistic, isn't it? True. Um, so often when you feel unmotivated or like you can't get started, it's just actually overwhelm. Yes, that makes sense. Um, you've just got so many things to do and you don't know where to start. And if you're anything like me, you'll sit and stare into space. And me too. Um, and then like if you're just exhausted, you go into survival mode, making sure everyone is clean, fed, feels loved, but that's enough.
SPEAKER_01:Love that that's part of your survival mode, and mine too, that's lovely. Don't underestimate that.
SPEAKER_00:No, definitely not. Um, it has to use enough, enough, it looks like it's a function, and there's nothing left. Um, and often as well, us neurojavists folk who might be like a bit old or whatever. Um, they put we put too much pressure on ourselves and everything's gotta be perfection.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Um, so we get so enthusiastic as well, don't we, with the hyper focus. So for instance, it's not just I'm gonna try and get a bit more movement into my life and do a bit more exercise. It's like I'm gonna walk 20 miles a day. Yeah, or by the end of the year, I'm gonna be running a marathon and gonna have lost six things. Yeah, you buy all the running gear, you join a club, um, and you've never really run anywhere since you're at school. Yeah, you do running is not something it's not even your thing. And then it's really hard work, there's no quick rewards, and you might miss one day, and you'll be like, that's it, then I've failed, and you give up because of the that all or nothing when it comes to running, that's our feeling. No, but it's like that all or nothing thing that we've got, isn't it? Where it's like it's got to be perfect, and it's gotta be and then the shame comes, and you're like, oh, typical me, etc. But we need to go easy on ourselves, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Like there's lots of messaging around like willpower and self-improvement, isn't there? And that just intensifies the shame. It's like a cultural thing now of like kind of you can do it, yeah, but this like it's a toxic positivity thing.
SPEAKER_00:Definitely it's a really ableist as well, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01:Like, yeah, and like our inconsistency is like at a neurological level. Yeah, it's it's based on our situation too, what with our circumstances, and like it's not some sort of moral flaw, like we're gonna make ourselves feel like it is.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it doesn't make people better than us because they've got willpower or whatever. Whatever. It might make them feel better. No, no, it doesn't make them a better person, though, does it?
SPEAKER_01:Come on then, what works?
SPEAKER_00:Well, if you do want to make changes, um gradual changes work better for people with ADHD.
SPEAKER_01:Isn't it right?
SPEAKER_00:So we're talking habit-based change. Yeah. Yeah, it's more effective than goal-based change for people with ADHD.
SPEAKER_01:Um still on my to-do list to read properly about this habit stacking the books about it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, well, you know. Don't put it on your list. The thing with goal-based change that we've just talked about is it focuses on like distant end results. And because we've got things like time blindness, which we've talked about previously, and our our our thing of seeing the future is is quite difficult. Yes, we can't always keep those goals in mind. Um, whereas if you have habits, which they provide more small, immediate wins.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
SPEAKER_00:So they create dopamine for us, and then that builds momentum. And we've talked about, haven't we, habit stacking before?
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. This is the thing that I really want to look more into.
SPEAKER_00:So it's things like you've got to do during the day, brush your teeth, go to the toilet, cook dinner. So it could be like when I'm on the toilet, I'll do a bit of duolingo, because I really want to learn. Or, you know, when I'm cooking tea, I'm gonna listen to like a fun podcast or a relaxing podcast that uplifts me to get a bit of positivity into you.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, I always listen to podcasts while I'm cooking the tea, but I um but I listen to all sorts of miserable shite, so maybe I should replace it with that intention.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, probably. Yeah, probably get rid of the misery. Um and if we fit into habits, fit habits into our daily routine, then that really works for our brains because it's using cues to like remind us to do them. Um habits are more flexible and recoverable as well, because if you just don't do it one day, you don't have to like give up. If you just like miss something, you can just pick it up again.
SPEAKER_01:This is where the intention part comes in and does suit New Year for me, because I love to start on a the start of something, like I love to start on a Monday or start on the start of the month, or so New Year's a great chance for me to set intentions, but that's where it picks up well is because for me, once a habit is lapsed, it's very easy for me to forget I ever did it. So if you want to record some sort of intention for your habits in some way, then it might be easier to refer back to.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um and one thing that's good as well about habits for us is they take away decision fatigue, yeah. Which can stop overwhelm, and in our chaotic lives, we need to be making less decisions because you're making like 20 every minute, aren't you?
SPEAKER_01:True. Um, yeah, other ADHD friendly change that we thought of was like five minutes instead of every day. So, you know, I'm gonna do this for five minutes instead of I'm gonna do this for every day forever.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um sometimes instead of always.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um aiming for just progress rather than the end goal of like perfection and attainment. Definitely. Um, and I suppose if you think of a way to measure that progress, it'll be helpful because then we can chunk it down into the smaller little mini goals and targets that give us that dopamine hit.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, if you can like measure like uh say even like this month I did such and such four times instead of I did it zero times the month previously, that's progress, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01:Totally. And um, yeah, like consistency doesn't have to be perfect to count, just you know, things like that, like you've said. Um there doesn't need to be this new version of yourself now, you know. Um and as much as like I'm not the person to stand behind it, we know really change doesn't have to just start in January or you've missed the boat.
SPEAKER_00:Well, you know, you're always it's like I'm gonna do make you know, you're it doesn't not just January. You've always got a new thing that you're working on, or yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're constantly working on new things. We both are, aren't we?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um and if you know, if you're spending um the stormy, dark January in survival mode, it's it's not a failure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, rest is not giving up.
SPEAKER_00:No, no. Well, we we know my personal situation at the moment. It's just I'm just living I'm just resting in bed. So that's this is your only option. I know, yeah. I'm talking to you, like as if I'm doing fucking anything. Oh no, babe you are there now. Somehow, that's the thing. I'm being gallowsy, aren't I? I am I'm doing a course online. Um, but you know, here in the UK in particular at this time of year, it seems to me that if you do anything in life other than just lie in your bed, you you know, you're winning. Because to me, I feel like we should all be holed up, hibernating, keeping ourselves warm. It's just, you know, getting out there, living life in this capitalist industrial nightmare that we are forced to live in. I'm I'm just proud of you for doing that. Yeah. Um, and just keeping things flowing, stability is an achievement, you know. If you're just keeping like on top of things, keeping your kids getting into school, you know, meeting their dinner, yeah. It's enough. You don't need to be making massive changes. Maybe safe them for the spring, and any progress is good enough as well, slow progress, it's still progress, yes. It is so you could be like asking as well, as a person such as ourselves. One thing that we might want to change this year is instead of being like, what should I improve? Maybe like what support could I be looking for right now? Who can I ask to support me? I'm receiving loads of support at the moment, and I'm dead grateful for it, especially from my journey.
SPEAKER_01:No, that's a really good point. It it really is, like, rather than always piling on the pressure and only looking like in an insular way at like yourself, how can you do better? Yeah. A lot of the we've talked about it a lot on the podcast, haven't we?
SPEAKER_00:How like trying to find the village in any capacity that helps you raise the child, yeah, is like, yeah, so that could be the biggest improvement you could make to your life is to get more support from other people.
SPEAKER_01:Totally, even if that's emotional support because you decide to start chatting more honestly to one of your friends and it it galvanizes your your connection and you can be more, you know, real and that's that brings a lot more support, doesn't it, if you're speaking to the right person.
SPEAKER_00:Or just like talking to the mums at school about something, choosing asking someone to give you a l a lift somewhere that you wouldn't normally have the like the cheek to ask. Sort of thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you've had me like step into that more last year, and it was such a life changer. Yeah, so try and let go of the timelines and pressure. I'm speaking to myself here, Claire. Just because you're like not on it like a car about it doesn't mean you're behind. You're just responding to your capacity. You're just doing what you can do or can not do. Sorry, um, we're waiting for Caso Bado, what, two, three, three, five, six, seven to collect their vintage order. What's that? Oh. Choose because I've been getting those vintage out. That's a goal that I've been sticking to. You've been doing really good, haven't you? I have, haven't I? Um, but yeah, just try to choose, start with choosing one thing that makes your life even just a few percent easier.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. If if that you know, that's one of your goals to make your life easier rather than making it harder by putting those pressure on yourself about stuff. In it. Yeah. So that's what we've been thinking about January. And we have um referred to a few things, haven't we, here? Yes, darling. To that book that we've talked about low time. I've never read it, have you? The Atomic Habits by James.
SPEAKER_01:I've got it now, but I haven't read it yet. I think I've packed it ready to move, and that's not going to be till the end of the year. So when I'm settled in my new house in 2027, it's my girl to read it then.
SPEAKER_00:I've listened to someone who did read it talk about it in a book club. Oh, me too. That's it. I can go back and listen again. So Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. Not heard of that one, but probably about the same thing.
SPEAKER_01:He's in a BJ Fogg.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. How do I see the name R Barclay over there, Claire? Of course. R. Barkley's in it again. Has he got any et al swim? It's a R Barclay and et al. No, just it's just R Barkley on his own ADHD in executive function. We've referred to it many a time. Um Laliet al, how the formation varies widely. No fixed 21-day rule. That's uh from 2009. And then you did refer to a study from the University of Scranton about New Year's resolutions failure.
SPEAKER_01:She actually annotated the reference for that survey that I didn't have the reference for. That you can be asked.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you, Claire. She had it there. Yeah, so um there's our references for that. And what we'd love to hear about. Have you set any goals? Yeah. How you find in January? Yes. Um, you got any voice notes to send in to us? Are you getting in the diary?
SPEAKER_01:In it. You know what else? It's January, it's the start of the year. Yeah. It's we we're just going ahead and calling this season three, even though there was no break or no announcement. Oh we did it last week. Yeah, okay. Um, but we're gonna start just giving a little ask now and then because you know it's something that we've missed out. Is to just say if you're enjoying it, if you've listened to this one episode and got anything out of it, or if you're a regular listener, even more so. Yeah, please take the moment to give us a little um review, a little star rating and a little good review on whatever platform you're listening on.
SPEAKER_00:Sorry about the background noise, there's work's going on, but it's not yet just far in the world.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, just give us these reviews and we might be able to uh grow from strength to strength and afford a little time in a studio to record.
SPEAKER_00:Some kids sound proven. Um, yeah, sorry, I sorry to interrupt you on that important thing. What we're saying, guys, is like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. And also pass pass it on to anyone. We want to try and grow this podcast a bit this year. We do. We're really, really grateful for all the listens we've had. It's like overwhelming for us. Like, we're so thankful. It is. Um, but the feedback that we get from you all is how helpful it is to have like the community, the the sort of feeling like we're all in it together. And that's been our intention from the start. We just want to spread that to as many people as possible.
SPEAKER_01:Expand.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So raise a fist and say it with us Sisters in Chaos.
