FLIPSIDE OF MIDLIFE®: SUSTAINABLE AND GUILT-FREE SELF-CARE

Last week was an invitation to lean into self-love. This week, I’m here to address the sneaky saboteur that can keep us from consistently practicing self-care: guilt.

In this episode, I talk about why self-care can feel uncomfortable or guilt-inducing in midlife and beyond - even when we know we need it! Let’s explore where that discomfort comes from and  how to make self-care feel easier, sustainable, and guilt-free.

Can’t wait for you to join me inside the episode!

xo Karli

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Transcript

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We've all heard that inner voice tell us, 'I don't have time for self-care,' or 'I should be doing something more productive', or 'someone else needs me.' The result? We continue to ignore our need for self-care or we feel guilt for prioritizing ourselves. If self-care has ever made you feel guilty, this episode will help you change how you think about it. Keep listening. Hi there, my friend. It's me, Karli, your favorite Gen X dealer of positive vibes, Life and Wellness coach, and founder of FLIPSIDE OF MIDLIFE®, a community for women in midlife and beyond. You joining me here fills my heart and soul with joy. Thank you for listening, learning and applying what feels right for you to your midlife and beyond. Before we dig into this week's episode, I want to share a quote with you by Audre Lorde: " Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation." If self-care is sometimes difficult for you, what if you shift how you think about it? I hope Audre's quote provides some inspiration that helps you create that shift. In this episode, I want to explore why self-care can feel uncomfortable in midlife and beyond, and then share a few ways to practice it with more ease and confidence- ways that are sustainable and guilt-free. So let's start with the discomfort you sometimes feel around self-care. By the time you reach midlife, and your awareness of your desire to care for yourself grows, it can make you a bit squirmy to go against the decades of conditioning behind you. You're very practiced at being the dependable caregiver, the available fixer, organizer, and problem solver. It may feel uncomfortable to slow down and focus only on yourself. How many of us wear our multitasking, productivity levels and self-sacrifice as a badge of honor? Self-care may cause discomfort because you worry about what others will think if you prioritize caring for yourself. Do you ever think that others might see you as lazy, selfish, or weak? If none of that resonates with you, have you ever noticed yourself over explaining choices you make, seeking external permission to practice self-care or waiting until exhaustion forces you to slow down? Those are some common examples that a level of discomfort exists around self-care, my friend. Let's talk about how to make self-care feel easier, sustainable, and guilt-free. First, define self-care on your own terms. Self-care isn't a one size fits all. What supports you may look very different from what supports me. Isn't that freeing to realize? Define self-care for you, and it becomes easier to release any preconceived notions and actually make it happen. If you feel the word'self-care' is difficult in itself, go ahead. Call it something else, something that's more neutral for you. Perhaps you choose nurturing, tending, or maintenance instead. Do what you need to do to get into a positive head space around self-care, or whatever you call it. Second, notice all you already do, that falls under your definition. You're probably practicing self-care more often than you realize. The times you put a boundary into place? Self-care. The regular healthcare appointments you schedule and keep? Yep, self-care. Sticking to a consistent bedtime, moving your body, or fitting in social time? All self-care, my friend. If you say it's self-care, it counts. Third, build an awareness around your need for self-care and its benefits. Do you feel burned out, stressed out, or disconnected from your emotional and physical needs? Are you experiencing resentment or irritability? Do you feel less joyful or isolated? Those are big clues to take a look at how you're caring for yourself. Self-care can help you regulate your nervous system, experience more contentment, happiness, and joy, and feel connected to yourself and others. There are so many more benefits of prioritizing how you care for yourself, my friend. Lastly, express gratitude for your awareness, willingness, and commitment to practice self-care. Gratitude happens to be a skilled guilt buster. When you notice guilt has shown up at your self-care session, pause to thank yourself for practicing regardless. Neutrally observe the guilt, thank it for showing up, and send it on its way. Every time you take action to enhance your quality of life, you reinforce how much you value you. After all, my friend, self-care is a way to express self-love. Practice your version of self-care consistently to alleviate guilt and allow ease and confidence to take its place. As you move through the week, I invite you to reframe self-care in a way that works for you. It is any intentional action that supports how you want to feel in body, mind, spirit, life. Start a list of ways to practice self-care in five minutes or less, 15 minutes or less, 30 minutes or less. This is a wonderful tool for those moments when you need a reminder of what self-care looks like for you. And I also invite you to identify three ways you want to practice self-care by the end of the month. Think about it, what's going to be achievable? Put 'em into your calendar and make sure they happen without any guilt, my friend. Thanks again for joining me here today. I'd love to know your thoughts and feelings about self-care and this episode. Reach out to me at karli@flipsideofmidlife.com to share them. I personally respond to every email. Join me next Wednesday when I share why alone time is so valuable here in midlife and beyond. I can't wait to meet you here for it. Take care and be well, my friend.