FLIPSIDE OF MIDLIFE®: Three Habits Blocking Your Joy in Midlife and Beyond

Without realizing it, you’re probably blocking your joy (on a daily basis!) with at least one of the three habits I cover in this episode. 

Tune into this episode of FLIPSIDE OF MIDLIFE® to notice them and how they affect your relationships, self-confidence, nervous system, and overall well-being.

These habits may feel harmless or even justified, but over time, they pull you away from the peace, harmony, and joy you crave in this season of life.

Listen in as I guide you through simple ways to begin breaking these habits, so you can experience the joy and well-being you deserve in midlife and beyond.

Here’s the link to this week’s email that goes along with this episode.

xo Karli

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📩 Got thoughts? Email me at karli@flipsideofmidlife.com.

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Transcript

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You likely have a habit or two that chips away at your energy and mood every day without you realizing it. These habits feel harmless, maybe even justified, and you probably drag them into interactions with others, which affects how they feel. Curious to know more about these sneaky habits. Keep listening, my friend. This episode leads you through a few ways to notice and break these detrimental habits so you experience the joy and well-being you deserve in midlife and beyond. Hey there, my friend. It's me, Karli, your favorite Gen X dealer of positive vibes, life and wellness coach, and founder of FLIPSIDE OF MIDLIFE®, a community for women in midlife and beyond. Thanks for being here with me today. I love knowing you're here, listening, learning, and applying what feels right for you. In this week's email, I shared three habits that keep you from living your best life- complaining, worrying, and criticizing. At first glance, these might seem harmless or just part of being human, but when they become ingrained habits, they negatively affect your relationships, self-love, energy, mood, and overall experience in midlife and beyond. If you missed my email, you can read it at the link in the show notes or transcript. And I'd love to have you on my email list, so I also included a link to subscribe in the show notes and transcript. These three sneaky habits- complaining, worrying and criticizing, are not your destiny, my friend. They are noticeable and breakable. Let's walk through each one. Let's start with complaining, shall we? If you don't think it's a habit, let's take a closer look. Our human brains are hardwired to pay attention to the negative cues in our environment. Unconsciously, we're always scanning for threats to survive. Since we more easily notice the negative, it doesn't take much effort to think or talk about it. We bond with others through complaining about the weather. We vent about traffic or any other frustrating situation. We commiserate over hot flashes, sleepless nights, and other menopause-related issues. Every time you complain, your brain becomes ever more efficient at seeing what's wrong. Your homeostasis moves further and further away from noticing the positive. In midlife and beyond, when we crave peace, harmony, and joy, the habit of complaining consistently pulls us in the other direction. Now, this doesn't mean you suppress challenges or pretend everything is great when it isn't. It does mean that you acknowledge challenges and frustrations by releasing them, intentionally finding the gifts and lessons within them, and crafting solutions within your control. Or maybe a combination of a few or all of those! Notice when you start to complain or when you're in an interaction where someone else is complaining. Without judgment, steer the conversation in a more positive direction. Not only will this help you start to break the habit for yourself, you'll also create a boundary where others learn you don't participate or reciprocate in a complaint-based interaction. Not only will you start to feel better, they, will too. Now, let's look at worrying. Oof. This is a tough one. Have you ever been described as a worrywart? Are you focused on anticipating all the things that might go wrong, or are you up in the middle of the night over analyzing something you said or did? Your human brain looking for those threats likes to get creative and make some up for you. In reality, most of the things you worry about are outside of your control. Unfortunately, your body doesn't know they're made up or out of your control. If you're worrying, your body is stressed out! And it's eroding your well-being, my friend. Think about your shallow breathing or racing heart or that pit in your stomach. What about the interrupted sleep, the tight muscles you're experiencing, or those feelings of fight or flight? Any of that sound familiar? Your nervous system is on high alert when you're worrying. Chronic worrying equals chronic stress. Let's be real. There's a lot of worry-worthy material in midlife and beyond- our changing bodies, aging parents, shifting relationships, and impending retirement to name a few. So how do you break a worrying habit? Start noticing what is actually in your control. Can you change something in the past? No. Can you apologize or ask if one is needed? Yes. Can you prevent something from happening in the future? Perhaps. You can prepare for anticipated outcomes, but you can't stop a natural disaster or wave a magic wand and see what the result of a decision will be. You have control over yourself. You control how you respond, the choices you make, the words you say, and whether or not you change your mind. You cannot control someone else's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. There is power in separating what you can influence from what you cannot. That's the key to choosing when to worry and when to let it go. If you can act, act. If you cannot, practice releasing. It's not irresponsible, my friend. It's you freeing up space for love, light, and joy. Now let's cover the third sneaky habit, criticizing yourself or others. Rather than being the fault seeking person in the room, or in your mind, why not be the one who looks for ways to be kind and supportive or share her joy and good energy? As women in midlife and beyond, we all have life experience with at least one mean girl. Whether she's in your head or someone you knew in school or at work, you know how it feels to be put down, told you're not good enough or picked on for making mistakes. When self-criticism is a habit, it erodes your confidence and dulls your creativity. You're less likely to try new things, seek out growth opportunities, or feel satisfied in life. And guess what? A habit of criticizing others makes you the mean girl! It only reinforces separation and prevents true connection. Midlife and beyond is a season where many women want deeper relationships with expected authenticity and more ease. Criticizing others does not get that for you! If criticizing yourself or others is a habit of yours, it's time to let it go. When you notice yourself criticizing, pause, take a deep breath, and check in with your kind and caring self. Ask yourself, would I say these things to or about my closest friend? Am I sharing these words in a helpful tone with love in my heart? Or am I coming from a place of anger, jealousy, or frustration? From here, you can decide to let it go and shift to a different topic of thought or conversation. And sometimes, you will feel the need to share a criticism. Find an appropriate place and time to kindly communicate directly with the person you want to receive it. As you move through the next weeks, gently observe when you fall into these three habits- complaining, worrying, and criticizing. Ask yourself, is this helpful? In most cases, that answer is going to be no, which is your cue to let it go. And in the rare instances where you answer, yes, it is helpful, decide on an action you can take to make a positive difference, then take it. If you can't determine one, then this is also a sign to let it go. These three habits keep you from fully experiencing the joy and well-being you deserve in midlife and beyond. Isn't that what you crave right now? To feel good, in body, mind and spirit? Create more awareness around these three habits to catch yourself before you engage. Keep at it, and these will no longer be habits. You're going to notice a difference in your mindset, your mood, and your energy as they dissolve. We're in a season of life that is full of gifts and possibilities. Break these three habits and you'll start to believe it, my friend. Thanks again for joining me here today. I'd love to know your thoughts about this episode and the sneaky habits you're becoming aware of. Reach out to me at karli@flipsideofmidlife.com to share. Join me right here on Wednesdays for more bite-sized episodes you can apply to your midlife and beyond, and every other Sunday for guided meditations and visualizations. I look forward to meeting you here for all of it. Take care and be well, my friend!