FLICK'N'BEANS
Longtime friends and bandmates Bridget and Wendy review one movie each week over fancy coffees every Sunday morning. Includes lots of swearing, laughing, and dog panting. Sometimes other friends join in.
You'll like this if you like "How Did This Get Made?" or "Unspooled."
FLICK'N'BEANS
EP 133: TUSK - Howard Totally Fucked that Walrus
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Good Morning!!!
This week is a doozy. Some creepy guy wants to turn Justin Long into a walrus. Yes, that's what I said. "Turn him into a walrus" so that he can fight him.
There's nothing you can un-see or un-hear about Justin Long's walrus screams. Eesh.
Enjoy!!!
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Foreign. Good morning. I'm Bridget. And I'm Wendy.
>> Bridget:And this is Flake and Beans.
>> Wendy:How are you today?
>> Bridget:I'm good. And you're wearing the T shirt that Jody made from our first episode. This is a love story, not a hostage situation. That was pretty good for our first episode.
>> Wendy:I really thought so. Yeah, I think we've improved a lot. But right out of the gate we had some winners.
>> Bridget:Yeah, I think so too. I don't. I don't think any of them are bad.
>> Wendy:It proved that we thought our chemistry would work. And it did.
>> Bridget:Yeah. And that we're smart and funny, right?
>> Wendy:Well, yeah, we know that.
>> Bridget:And one of us is beautiful.
>> Wendy:We're both beautiful. Don't act like you are not beautiful.
>> Bridget:On the inside. Maybe.
>> Wendy:Whatever. All your boyfriends.
>> Bridget:Puma and you made me coffee.
>> Wendy:I did. It is a mix of coffee and chicory root.
>> Bridget:I wanted to try chicory. What do you think?
>> Wendy:I like it.
>> Bridget:Okay.
>> Wendy:I. I have a dandelion mix tea that has chicory root in it and I like that. So I figured I would probably like this too. It's supposed to be a little easier on your stomach. Cuz it's dark roast and the chicory is actually like a soothing thing for your stomach.
>> Bridget:Right.
>> Wendy:So far so good.
>> Bridget:Yeah. I can't tell.
>> Wendy:Yeah, I like it.
>> Bridget:Tasty.
>> Wendy:Apparently popular in New Orleans.
>> Bridget:Yeah, that's where I've heard of it. Because it was cheaper and they would cut the coffee with chicory.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:Nice.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:Wow, that's a surprise.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:Yay. And it's delicious.
>> Wendy:Our movie this week, Tusk 2014. Currently streaming on Netflix.
>> Bridget:That was so gross.
>> Wendy:Yeah, it's a Kevin James director.
>> Bridget:Kevin Smith.
>> Wendy:Kevin Smith. Sorry.
>> Bridget:Oh, I love me some Paul Blart though.
>> Wendy:Yeah, I always get their names confused.
>> Bridget:Okay, go on.
>> Wendy:Directed by Kevin Smith of Clerks and Dogma and Silent Bob. And Silent J and Bob.
>> Bridget:Wait, Jay and Silent Bob.
>> Wendy:Jay and Silent Bob.
>> Bridget:And this movie is nothing like his other movies.
>> Wendy:No, it is not. It's a horror film. I would say a little bit of a horror comedy.
>> Bridget:Other than the ridiculousness of it. I think that's where the comedy hit me.
>> Wendy:Sure. There's a few exchanges that are pretty funny in the beginning. Like when he talks to the Canadian, the clerk, whatever that person is at the airport.
>> Bridget:Do you know who that was?
>> Wendy:No, I didn't know that.
>> Bridget:Johnny Depp.
>> Wendy:No.
>> Bridget:Yes. No.
>> Wendy:Johnny Depp was the detective.
>> Bridget:Yes. Okay. And I didn't even notice.
>> Wendy:Okay.
>> Bridget:It was when I looked up something this Morning. About the movie.
>> Wendy:Yes.
>> Bridget:And I also saw there's a documentary, the Making of.
>> Wendy:Oh, I need to see that.
>> Bridget:Yeah. I don't. Didn't see if it's streaming, but yeah, we gotta find it.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:Okay. So the premise, and this is the fun part, too. We've never done a movie about a fellow podcaster.
>> Wendy:That's right.
>> Bridget:Yes.
>> Wendy:And I had seen this before and remembered just being appalled by it, but did not remember that it was about a podcast. So that was a fun reveal for me. They have a podcast they call the Not C. N O, T, S O. You have to spell it.
>> Bridget:Oh, no, N O, T, S, E, E. Oh, right. You said not so.
>> Wendy:I said not so.
>> Bridget:I mean, you spelled not so, so. Yeah, the Not C party. And that's because. Yeah, you are. Justin Long and Hal do this podcast together. And the gist of it is that Wallace, played by Justin Long, will go and interview people, people that have gone viral, this and that, and come back and tell Teddy, played by Hailey Joel Osment.
>> Wendy:Yes.
>> Bridget:He'll tell Teddy all about it on the podcast. So they just. I mean, it's a lot like ours.
>> Wendy:Yeah, it is.
>> Bridget:The gist is he goes up to Canada to interview this guy. They called him the Kill Bill Kid. Kill. Because he chopped off his own leg. I cut my brother in half.
>> Wendy:It wasn't a machete, though. This time it was like a samurai sword.
>> Bridget:So stupid. So he goes up to interview this kid who chopped his leg off. Unfortunately, he has unalived himself before. Wallace gets there. So, you know, he's like, God, I'm all the way up in bumfuck, Canada. And then he sees this flyer or handbill or whatever on the bulletin board, and it sounds like this man has an incredible story. He's like, f***, I'll contact this guy. So he contacts this guy whose name is Howard.
>> Wendy:Howard Howe. He says.
>> Bridget:He says it's Howard Howe.
>> Wendy:There's no record of.
>> Bridget:No.
>> Wendy:Right. There's no record of a Howard Howe living in this town. We find out later, you know, by
>> Bridget:how far out in the middle of nowhere it is, that this is bad.
>> Wendy:Yeah. An old man living alone and with too much money.
>> Bridget:Right.
>> Wendy:Never goes well.
>> Bridget:And he's. He uses a wheelchair, so you think he's harmless, but he's not. First thing, can I. I offer you some tea with drugs in it.
>> Wendy:Yeah. And he's not drinking the tea, so, you know, that's suspicious.
>> Bridget:Yeah. Built up a tolerance to iocaine powder. Inconceivable. Okay.
>> Wendy:Sorry. It's Okay, I digress. Yeah, I get it. Your mind does go there. He doesn't drink the tea, and you don't see him make it either. I was a little suspect right off the bat that the tea was gonna be bad. At first, it just seems like he's a lonely guy that wants to have somebody hear his stories. And I think, in some way, is that guy. He tells these crazy stories about being in the Navy and meeting Ernest Hemingway and eventually evolves into this story about how a walrus saved his life. And that's where things go dark.
>> Bridget:Did you think this, too? There couldn't be a name that sounds more like Walrus.
>> Wendy:Yeah, I was a little on the nose a little bit.
>> Bridget:When Wallace wakes up, he is strapped to a wheelchair. He's very groggy. He realizes this guy drugged him, and he's. Why do psychopath. I mean, I don't care how rich you are, but who has such a long table? You know what I mean?
>> Wendy:And I do.
>> Bridget:And they'll. They won't sit near one. It's always way across the table. Yeah, he's f*****.
>> Wendy:Howard gives him this very unbelievable story about how the doctor came and had to take his leg because he got bit by a spider. And this is the point where Wallace goes, what? And he looks, and he doesn't have a leg. Howard goes, oh, yeah, you can't call anyone because the doctor took the phones.
>> Bridget:Yeah, no.
>> Wendy:No, he didn't.
>> Bridget:And, no, you weren't bit by a spider.
>> Wendy:And no doctor would have done that bad of a job sewing your leg back.
>> Bridget:Oh, my God.
>> Wendy:It's such a hack job.
>> Bridget:It's gross.
>> Wendy:Especially for you. Find out later. He's done this a bunch of times, like 20 plus times. And you're like, he didn't get any better at sewing them together. But he didn't care.
>> Bridget:No, he didn't care. Basically, the plan is to turn Wallace into a walrus.
>> Wendy:Yes.
>> Bridget:What, so the guy can have a best friend again?
>> Wendy:Well, he has a vendetta, so I liked at least versus some of the other movies we've watched recently that we actually get the villain backstory this time.
>> Bridget:Oh, yeah.
>> Wendy:Because later on, when he is doing surgery on Wallace, he's going through his whole story, and you find out that he's an orphan and that life has not been kind to him. He's never had a human be kind to him. And the only kindness he feels like he's ever gotten is from this walrus that saves his life. Sometimes I wonder if any of that even Happened because it seems unlikely to me, but maybe it did. Or he's made the whole experience bigger than it is.
>> Bridget:Tell me how a walrus could save your life.
>> Wendy:Yeah. I mean, they could maybe nudge you out of the water.
>> Bridget:Nudging, that's about all they could do.
>> Wendy:But they can't grab you or anything. Yeah.
>> Bridget:Maybe he rode on his back.
>> Wendy:Maybe. So at least we have an understanding of why he's evil a little bit.
>> Bridget:Waa. Waa.
>> Wendy:I agree.
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:He needs to get over it.
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:And I think at first you're led to believe that he's trying to make a best friend for himself. That seems where it's going, but kind of takes the turn later when you find out that he really wants to fight and kill each other. That's what he's done with all the people, all the walruses before he makes them, and then he wants to fight them as a walrus. He has a Wallace walrus suit.
>> Bridget:Once he puts Wallace into the water, that's when he goes under and he sees all skeletons, all those people he's done it to before.
>> Wendy:Yes.
>> Bridget:Well, he uses a wheelchair, so he can't very well pull them out of there. Clean your d*** pool.
>> Wendy:You think he uses a wheelchair before he becomes full on walrus, but his legs are gone at this point. That's part of it, too, is that Howard keeps just taking little pieces of him, turning him into a walrus, rather all at once. They're having a disagreement. And then Howard stands up and you're like, oh, he's faking that too.
>> Bridget:God, yeah. And he sews his arms to his sides.
>> Wendy:Yes.
>> Bridget:Once you see the full product, you're like, wait, no, no, because he's. There's too much skin.
>> Wendy:And. Yeah. Did he get extra skin and put it on him to make him into this walrus? Because he's much bigger than Justin Long. Much bigger.
>> Bridget:Right.
>> Wendy:And you're like, where's this extra thing? And it. The suit is so bad. It's so fake. And at one point, when they're fighting in the water, Wallace's head comes in like a turtle.
>> Bridget:Oh, yeah.
>> Wendy:And then he has to pop it back out. And you can just see, like, how plasticy this gross. It's real bad. And then Howard gets into his own version of it, but he just wears it rather than being transformed into it.
>> Bridget:What a weirdo.
>> Wendy:And that means that's somebody else's skin.
>> Bridget:Oh, that's nasty.
>> Wendy:When Howard takes this suit off, it's still kind of like red and Gooey on the inside.
>> Bridget:Ooh. I think I gotta watch the last. I wanted to watch it. So again this morning, just to see. Well, he gets rescued by the girlfriend and Teddy, who are actually having an affair and end up together. She almost shoots him. Don't you think she should have shot him? It's like the fly.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:You can't live like this.
>> Wendy:I thought so, too, but I wouldn't want to live like that. But he also kind of made the choice to not die, like, a few minutes before. That could just be your instincts.
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:But he did kill Howard with his tusks when they were fighting, which are his own leg, bo.
>> Bridget:Tibia bones.
>> Wendy:To have to live like that with your faculties. Yeah. Your brain is still human.
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:And you can't use your body and you're probably in a lot of pain
>> Bridget:and you don't have a tongue. And just. He just butchered him. And he was like. Yeah.
>> Wendy:Cuts out the tongue. And it doesn't seem like he can close his mouth all the way because of the tusks.
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:So you're just constantly drooling.
>> Bridget:Gross. And when Howard starts to just, like, make fun of him and.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:Crying back at him. Oh, so cruel.
>> Wendy:I think death would probably be better than that. But they didn't make that choice.
>> Bridget:Oh, my God.
>> Wendy:And where do they go see him?
>> Bridget:At the zoo.
>> Wendy:At a zoo. At a really sad zoo, too.
>> Bridget:Yeah. Toss him a mackerel.
>> Wendy:It doesn't quite seem like there's much Wallace left in there.
>> Bridget:Oh, that could be.
>> Wendy:It seems like he's really.
>> Bridget:You think he's just sort of becoming.
>> Wendy:It kind of seems that way. He's fine with eating the raw fish. And he doesn't come out when they first call him. And it could be he just doesn't want to see Ally and doesn't want
>> Bridget:them to see him.
>> Wendy:Yeah. Or it could be that he has really just devolved into this monster. Arthas Walrus. He does look up at her at the end when she yells his name. He can't have a lot of expression in his face, I guess.
>> Bridget:Right. That's true.
>> Wendy:But his eyes seemed blank and wasn't sure how he was feeling there.
>> Bridget:Like a monster.
>> Wendy:Yeah. Where did this come from?
>> Bridget:It's so dumb.
>> Wendy:Kevin Smith. What the f***?
>> Bridget:Well, and they described it as a human centipede type of situation, which I've never seen and I don't want to.
>> Wendy:I've heard it's not very good. So why see it? Because it's just gross.
>> Bridget:Yeah. When we played the gig at People's. It was Halloween, and one of the bartenders had the human centipede costume.
>> Wendy:Oh, okay.
>> Bridget:She's a bartender. She's dragging this inflatable thing from her a**. You know, it's, like, filthy.
>> Wendy:Yeah. Oh, all the. So gross bar floors.
>> Bridget:Yuck.
>> Wendy:Wild ride. What did you think overall?
>> Bridget:Overall, hard pass.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:No, Well, I already said I kind of want to watch it again.
>> Wendy:It's hard to look away.
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:And we kind of touched on this before, but there is a part where Johnny Depp insures the picture as the detective. And you would not know. It's Johnny Depp.
>> Bridget:Depp. When I pulled up the cast and stuff, and I was like, what? I completely missed Johnny Depp.
>> Wendy:Right.
>> Bridget:See, I have to watch it again.
>> Wendy:It doesn't look like him at all. I knew it was him because I had read something about him being in the movie. So I was looking for him and then eventually figured out that's who it was. They've got him real made up, and he's not trying to look young or attractive in it, so.
>> Bridget:And I love that his name is Guy. You know, it's Guy in English, in French.
>> Wendy:He's an interesting character. Some comic relief, I think, in something that was very heavy. But I do have just one final question that I have about the film. Do you believe that Howard never f***** the walrus?
>> Bridget:No.
>> Wendy:I don't either. The detective says he never does it with any of the human victims, so maybe he doesn't. But I felt like it was a little too much love for that one. Especially when in the beginning they start out with. With that walrus p****.
>> Bridget:Yeah. Well, that made me think of 51st date. Is that Adam Sandler character is marine life specialist, and he goes, the walrus has the second biggest p**** in the world.
>> Wendy:Yeah.
>> Bridget:What's the first?
>> Wendy:Is. Yeah.
>> Bridget:Oh, come on. It's like two feet long.
>> Wendy:Yeah. And it's got a huge bone in it. It's not just muscle in flesh. It's a literal bone that's probably like a couple inches in diameter.
>> Bridget:That's a real b****. Real bo.
>> Wendy:Yeah,
>> Bridget:he's got a huge b**** in it.
>> Wendy:In it.
>> Bridget:Oh, my God. Oh, man.
>> Wendy:Yeah. I think this is one you got to kind of experience for yourself.
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:Go watch it. If you're into stuff that's real weird.
>> Bridget:He's like Pizza the Hut.
>> Wendy:It. Oh.
>> Bridget:Oh, there's a reboot of Spaceballs coming.
>> Wendy:Really? Yes.
>> Bridget:I can't wait.
>> Wendy:Gonna have original cast or some of them. Nice.
>> Bridget:Yes.
>> Wendy:Okay, what is the one that plays Darth Vader character in that. What's that guy's name?
>> Bridget:I can't.
>> Wendy:I like that actor. He's in a bunch of stuff and I feel like. Where'd he go?
>> Bridget:Yeah.
>> Wendy:After like the 90s.
>> Bridget:Yeah. Wasn't he the one in Honey I Shrunk the Kids?
>> Wendy:Yes.
>> Bridget:I started watching the miniature Wife.
>> Wendy:Okay. Yeah, you. You texted me about that.
>> Bridget:It is ridic. Elizabeth Banks was on the Today show and talked about how they did some of the visual tricks. Mostly she was on a green screen, but there's a point where her husband is pouring her some wine with a pair of tweezers.
>> Wendy:Okay.
>> Bridget:And she said these were actually six foot tweezers and it took five men to make that happen. Whoa. It's crazy.
>> Wendy:Okay.
>> Bridget:I love knowing how things work behind the scenes.
>> Wendy:Yeah. Maybe we should cover the documentary. Well, I'm gonna watch the behind the scenes anyway of this one.
>> Bridget:Yeah, I am too. Oh, my God. Well, did we do it?
>> Wendy:I think we did it.
>> Bridget:We flick some beans.
>> Wendy:Okay. Love you. Bye.
>> Bridget:Bye. Party all night long.
