S4 Ep #101 - The 3 Biggest Takeaways From My Most Recent May 2026 Retreat

After every retreat, I like to sit down and reflect on what actually happened in the room.

Because no two retreats are ever the same.

Different women.
Different ages.
Different stories.

And yet there are always a few themes that keep showing up.

This retreat had women ranging from their 30s through to their 70s, many of whom had never done anything like this before.

What surprised them most wasn't some big breakthrough moment.

It was how simple it was.

Within 24 hours, many of the women went from feeling like they were operating at a constant 10/10 stress level to a 5/10 or lower. 

Not because their lives suddenly changed, but because they finally gave their nervous system what it had been asking for.

We also explored something I see all the time in my coaching work: the problem we think we have is rarely the actual problem.

Feeling overwhelmed.
Unable to ask for help.
Always needing to be in control.

These are often symptoms of something deeper.

A fear of disappointing people.
A fear of not being enough.
A fear that if we stop holding everything together, everything will fall apart.

And perhaps the most powerful takeaway of all was the connection.

Not because the women had the same lives, but because underneath the different stories were the same feelings.

Feeling unseen.
Feeling exhausted.
Feeling responsible for everyone else.
Feeling like they had to keep it together no matter what.

In this episode, I share the biggest lessons and observations from our most recent Reset & Rise Retreat, why working with your nervous system doesn't have to be complicated, and what happens when women finally have the space to slow down, be seen and realise they're not the only one carrying what they've been carrying.

If you've ever found yourself thinking, "I shouldn't feel this overwhelmed" or "I don't even feel like myself anymore," I think you'll get a lot from this conversation.

Next Reset & Rise Retreat dates:

📍 August 21–23, 2026 

📍 November 13–15, 2026

📍 Feb 2027 - Waitlist open

DM RISE on Instagram or send me a email stacey@staceyallison.com.au
if you'd like more information or have any questions.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everybody and welcome to the Happy Healthy and Healing Podcast. My name is Stacey and I'm your host and we are at episode 101 today. And today I'm going to be doing a bit of a reflection on the last retreat that I hosted in May and why this one was so different from other ones that I have hosted before. I was kind of in two minds to do a whole episode about retreat. And then I thought, hey, it's actually really valuable, I think, for women to hear that each retreat that I host is completely different. Like, yes, there is a bit of a flow and some things will lap over. However, I'm very intentional about the spaces that I create and the women that are coming. So before retreat, we have a group call as well as they've got some modules and bits and pieces to go through before we actually step inside of retreat. And once we've had that call, I sit and I actually rebuild retreats in those final 10 days according to what those women need. And so that's why I feel like I am going to continue to do these episodes post-retreat because I think that they can give you really great insight and also give you guys some really valuable things to ponder about. Because each retreat has different women, different age groups, different breakthroughs, different women coming into the space. It is such a different experience every single time. It's not just this one size fits all retreat. It's honestly the exact opposite. And that's why I love it so much. Now, this retreat felt very different to ones that I've previously hosted. And I'm not sure if it was because we had quite a wide range of age groups there. So we had some women in their early 30s, and then we had some women in their 70s at retreat. And so having all of those different life experiences in the one place was huge. Now, if you saw on my Instagram, I posted a little snap about post-retreat reality. And after retreat, I have a little bit of a routine. So I go and have some time by myself just to decompress, go and get a coffee, and then I come home and this retreat really hit me hard. And I just ended up on the couch with a migraine, and I had beautiful Toby was massaging my forehead and the other kids loving on me. Jared had dinner going. I felt really looked after and supported after I'd just given so much to the women. And I think for a long time I was fighting that and going, oh stay, so we can just get on with it. However, it really showed me the difference in experience where I took basically a week to gain, I would say, my full energy back because it is really like you've got the lead up, then on Thursday at night, setting up the space, going to bed late, then Friday, up early. Then it's like literally I'm on. And I had the beautiful Danielle assist at this retreat, as well as Anna doing the catering and nourishing the women. And though Friday and Saturday, it's on the go from 5 a.m. till after 10 p.m. sometimes, it is a whole two and a half days of just giving everything to these women. And I don't say that as in I'm complaining. I love it. I love being of service to these women who are there in that space. However, recognizing that it actually takes a lot of energy out of me. And it's okay to fill your cup, Stacey. That was a big realization for me out of this one. So in today's episode, I'm gonna share my top three takeaways from this retreat. Now, as I've already said, this retreat was a big one, and probably the biggest one that I've hosted yet in terms of like energy and emotion and trauma and things in the past. There was a lot in that room and a lot of different age groups, heritages, experience with personal development, and brand new people. Like there was a lot of moving parts, and so much so that on the Friday night I said to Danielle, her in bed, and I was like, Okay, the women haven't come together yet, and they've still got their walls up, they're still quite guarded with each other. And so we sat and we spoke about it, and she's like, Stace, you just got to trust your plan. I was like, Yeah, I do. And you know, of course, by Saturday afternoon, or maybe it was lunchtime, there was just one particular activity that they came together, and that literally made retreat, made them come together. And you know, the laugh started, the fun started, the support, the more tears, like all of it's just sort of came together. And by Sunday, watching them on the last couple of hours and activities that we did, just that is probably one of my favorite parts of retreat, watching them just feel so comfortable, so seen, heard, accepted, loved, valued for just who they are as a woman. And it's pretty special. So this retreat, I feel like, yeah, it was the biggest one that I've hosted in terms of that. We had 12 women at this one, plus Anna, myself, and Danielle. So a lot of women in the house. This is probably the first retreat that I felt super calm the whole time. Even when Friday night I was, you know, questioning things, it was still that no, no, I've I've got this. And that was a really different experience for me to just feel so calm the whole weekend. Like it just flowed. And one of the women actually made the comment at the end of retreat. She's like, Stacey, when timing wasn't going to plan and we had to move things around, she's like, you were in complete flow and it was so beautiful to watch you in that space. And that really meant a lot to me that they could see how effortless it was. You know, we just move through whatever we need to go through over the weekend. And that's the other thing about hosting retreats is women will often say to me, Oh, Stacy, where's the itinerary? I want a time breakdown. Like, why haven't you given that to us yet? And it is designed on purpose to give you the experience of you can actually just sit and receive. You don't have to be in control, you don't have to, you know, run to an agenda. You don't have to feel that pressure. This weekend is designed for you. And so I feel like some of the time when I speak about retreat and what's included and what happens, women are wanting more. And that is the whole purpose. It's to challenge that part of you because I'm gonna say 99% of our life, a lot of women feel like they have to be in control at all times. And it's a lot for them to let go over the weekend. However, when they have that over the weekend and they experience it and they go, wow, I feel so different, that's something they can take away into their lives that they don't need to always have everything planned down to the minute. They can let go of control a little bit, they can be supported by others, they can ask for what they want, and they can work on their nervous system and calming down. So I feel like if you're someone who has been curious about retreat and coming, stay open. You don't need the full breakdown. You know, retreat is a transformational experience designed to help women calm their minds, calm their nervous system, reset, reconnect with who they are and go, this is the direction or the next steps I'm going in life. This is what I want. And we're not figuring out your whole life in a weekend. It's not about that. If it was, we wouldn't sleep. It's a beautiful blend of relaxation as well as that the activities, the reconnection, the interaction with others or having time for self. Like it is a beautiful blend that you can walk away from the weekend feeling rejuvenated and clear, which is a big one for a lot of women. So the first big takeaway for me, and I think most of the women at the end mentioned this, is that working on your nervous system and calming your nervous system gets to actually be so simple. Like when the women walked in, if they were a 10 out of 10 in their nervous system and what they were feeling, by morning two on Saturday morning, they had already dropped to like a five out of 10. And though we didn't sit there for hours and meditate, they didn't sit there and do hours of breath work and soul searching and all of those things. We did lots of little things that compounded to help them feel so much calmer, be able to move slower, feel more relaxed, feel more at ease, at peace. And I think that really surprised them the most. You know, there's a lot of trends that nervous system work has to be this big thing, and you have to implement this three times a day and this two times a week, and it becomes like another to-do list. However, at retreat, they realize that they don't need hours, they don't need a 10-step process, you don't need a silent house and this perfect routine with your kids to ease your nervous system. In fact, they can use five or ten minutes, with or without the kids, to actually help bring them down a few notches. They realize the power of implementing these short things throughout their day, how much of a massive impact it has and how quickly the body can respond when you actually give it what it needs. So I love this realization for them that they don't need to have the perfect circumstances to actually implement this into their day-to-day life. Everything in your life is still gonna exist. You're still gonna have jobs, you're still gonna have family or friends, you're still gonna have pets, you're still gonna have responsibilities and relationships, you're still gonna have all these things existing. However, if we can get your body to stop operating like everything's a massive emergency, that's going to compound and create real change in how you feel and how you attack things in the world and how you work through things, how you get through challenges, how you experience life, that's gonna help so much. And I think a lot of these women didn't realize how long they've actually been in that survival mode for. Like they've normalized this feeling, this whether it's low grade of stress or anxiety or feeling on edge or feeling like they can't sit down for too long or whatever response that they're feeling, they've just normalized it. And now that they've felt calm again, they're like, hey, I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to feel that in that autopilot mode. And I couldn't drive home enough to them that retreat itself, yes, it's a beautiful weekend. However, the real shifts happen in our everyday lives. That's why we have four weeks of post-retreat integration support because it's easier to fall back into that autopilot, into those habits, into feeling on edge all the time. Whereas if you're setting after retreat, I'm going to add this into my routine and just do this for 30 days, then I can, you can layer it on. Because as I said, if you're adding way too much, it's just going to feel like a to-do list. And there's such a difference between ticking the boxes and functioning and just getting by and actually feeling regulated. So many women these days, it's this modern women curse almost that they're just functioning, they're just getting by. They're rushing all the time, they're showing up, they're getting their stuff done during the day, then they're collapsing at the end of the day. They've got nothing left to give themselves or others. And that's why at Retreat, we take women through so many different little experiences to give them a taste, going, hey, well, this is something that really connected for me. How can I implement that? Even if it's once a week. Some of the things that we went through were like short meditations, breath work, we had sound healing, having space, having silence, encouraging women to actually be in their own space in their own bubble for a little bit, being present, being going slower. And I remember one of the women being like, I just can't believe it's actually this simple. Who knew going to a retreat and just learning how to breathe would be all that I needed to do? And it's so true. Like we get caught up being the strong one, the independent woman, the I've got to do everything, the caregiver, the overgiver, the organized one, the one that everyone else comes to. And our bodies have just forgotten how to switch off. And it's it's not even about those masks that we're wearing. It's things like our phones all the time, our smart watches with notifications, our emails popping up on our phone, it's seeing things on the news. Like there is so many things that each day our nervous system is paying attention to, and it's having whether they're small or big triggers or feelings or emotions. And then we're becoming so disconnected that it just becomes normal, and then we're numb and we wonder why we've got this feeling of I don't know who I am anymore, or I feel numb, or I feel anxious or depressed. It's because we've just had all these things overloaded on us and we we don't know how to switch off from it all. So I love that this takeaway, because I feel like it's something that you guys listening, if you're not already, and it maybe you just need a reminder, is to get into the habit of allocating these things. Use it as the bare ass minimums or your daily hygiene, whatever it is. You know, we brush our teeth twice a day, and that is part of hygiene. Well, what if doing three breaths as you wake up in the morning is part of your hygiene? What if waking up five minutes earlier, putting your feet on the grass is part of the like daily hygiene? If you knew that that's all you needed to do to shift your entire day, you would do it. So if you're listening to this and you're going, wow, that sounds so simple, Stacey. I don't need to go to a retreat to learn that. Please don't discount the simple tools because they are the things that will be easiest to slide into your routine to bookend to some part of the start or the end of your day or habit stack to some point. And the impact of those small things compounded over time is going to be massive. Okay, so the second biggest takeaway is that the problem on the surface usually isn't the real problem. And this came up in a few different ways at retreat. And this is probably one of the biggest takeaways that I see in my day-to-day coaching with my clients. You know, women come to me and whether it's at retreat or coaching and they're like, oh Stace, I'm overwhelmed. I'm an overthinker, I'm a people pleaser, I can't relax, I snap at my kids. I can't ask for help because I just do it better. I'm overloaded, I'm overwhelmed, I'm exhausted, I'm pissed off with my partner, whatever it is. Yes, those things are real and you're experiencing that in a real way. However, they are the symptoms. They're the top of the iceberg. And I know I've said this multiple times on podcasts before. However, we did an activity that I haven't done at retreat before. It's normally with my clients, and though I really feel like the women needed it at this one, was connecting the dots for the women with a framework on paper between the symptoms that they're experiencing or their behaviors or patterns and going down to the deeper emotional pattern underneath it. And for one of the women, she realized that her not asking for help wasn't just about the fact that she could do it better than her partner. It was actually about fear. Fear that if she stopped doing everything for everyone, that one, she wouldn't be needed. And two, that if she didn't do it and it caused confrontation, that her partner would leave. And that actually stemmed from a past relationship, that she had then carried this belief unconsciously into a new relationship. And so once we actually got to the root cause of the pattern, everything started to make sense for her. And once she had that awareness, she's like, oh, it's not just about that. And this is the these are the things that I can do moving forward. And she also could put words to what she was feeling, which is going to make it easier to have that conversation with her partner about this is why this is happening and these are the things that I'd love to implement and change at home. And that's what I love is this work going so much deeper with people is helping them to realize that whatever's happening on the surface, you know, behavior, patterns, thoughts, processing stars, it's not random. Your nervous system is always trying to protect you from something. And that protection often started, whether it was in childhood or teenage or early 20s, 30s, whenever it was. At some point, that pattern would have served you or that belief would have served you. If you think about it, some common ones like overthinking prevents failure because people then don't have a go at doing things. People pleasing protects against rejection. If you keep everyone happy, they'll like you and love you. Hyper-independence, strong independent woman, protects you against disappointment. Because if you just do it yourself, you can't be disappointed that someone didn't do it for you or the way you wanted. And control protects you against uncertainty. If you're in control, you've got everything mapped out and planned, nothing is left to chance or to make you feel uncertain. And so I think this was a big light bulb moment, not just for that woman, however, for other women in the room, because they realized that they'd spent so much time thinking about fixing the symptom instead of actually understanding and addressing the driver underneath it. You cannot heal a pattern properly if you're only working on that surface level behavior. And this is why so many women will be so self-aware. However, they'll stay stuck because they never get to that root cause. Because as we know, awareness doesn't create change. You can know exactly why you're doing something and still do it. And I think a lot of women are scared to go deeper because they don't know what it's going to uncover or what the actions they need to take to move forward. Or, you know, they're they're not quite in enough pain yet. So they'll just stay where they are being mildly unhappy. Like there's so many other reasons. However, it's it is confronting sometimes. We are both the problem and the solution in our lives. And so that's why I'm so passionate about the deeper work, is because I want women to actually know what is happening at the root cause level, what their patterns are protecting them from really. When did they learn this? And why their bodies still feel like it's necessary in their life. And what I've seen time and time again is that once women can actually make sense of these internal patterns through their lens, they're actually so much more compassionate towards themselves. They don't play the victim card anymore. And they feel empowered to going, hey, I can actually make small changes to shift this permanently. Because on an unconscious level, if you think about it, if women can make sense of what's happening, they'll stop seeing themselves as broken or unlovable or whatever their favorite flavor is. And they'll just make sense that this is a pattern that's been learned and their body, their mind, their nervous system has learnt it to keep them safe at some point. And though they no longer need to carry out that pattern moving forward. And the third biggest takeaway from retreats was that women are craving connection more than ever. And I think this really drove home to me having that wide range of age groups at retreat that, you know, women in their 30s, their 40s, their 50s, their 60s, and 70s, it is across the board. Like the generation, I'm gonna say millennials of the first generation that we're actively choosing differently. We don't want to stand for this anymore. We want different for us and for the next generation. And yet there's so many women who haven't been exposed to any sort of work at all. They think mindset stuff is just, you know, saying a motivational quote to yourself every day. It's not. It goes so much deeper than that if you're ready for it. And none of us are truly ready. I get that. However, I can tell when I talk to a woman if she's ready to be vulnerable and open enough with me to be sometimes confronted or called forward, and the ones who aren't yet. And there's no shame in that. You know, I definitely, over the years, had to go through my own things to get to the point where I'm was ready to take accountability for my behaviors, my mindset, my patterns, all of the things. And actually, on that point, I had one woman in one activity say, Well, Stacy, are we basically blaming ourselves for everything? And the answer is no. There's no blame or shame here. We're not making ourselves or anyone to be the bad person. We're looking at the patterns that what's been created and going, hey, I don't really enjoy that pattern anymore. I want to change it. This is what I need to do. And that's so freeing. So seeing all the women, especially on the last day, was one of those moments where I was like, more women need this. And most of the women who come to retreat said, Stacey, I would have paid double to be there. And of course, my work, yes, I run a business and I support my family. And though, retreat is one of those things that for me, I want to be able to facilitate more because more women need this. And so I know some coaches are making $30,000, $40,000, $50,000 from a single retreat every year. And good on them. I'm happy for you. And though for me, I want it to be accessible because the more women I can reach whilst supporting my family is going to help drive this generation and the next one to make a change. And that change starts with connection with self and with others. Women need to come together. And every retreat kind of again drives that home more and more because, you know, some women were married, some had kids, some weren't, some had a lot of heavy trauma, some were divorced, some business owners, some corporate, some retired. Like there was such a range of beautiful differences amongst the women. However, underneath it all, the feelings were so similar. And nothing changes until someone decides that no more, line in the sand. I want different. Because what I'm seeing more and more is that so many women are just feeling unseen, unheard, unappreciated, unloved. They're emotionally tired. They feel like they have to hold it all together, be the strong one because they don't know how to put it down. They feel disconnected, numb, they're constantly on. They're feeling like they have to accept second best because they should just be grateful. And it was so powerful to watch all of these women realize that, hey, I'm not the only one carrying this. Just in that room of 12, everyone was carrying something. And when they were all sharing their stories, even though they had completely different backgrounds, everyone could connect with a part of someone's story, how they were feeling. And that was so powerful to witness. And so, and so I think at the core of it, women fit need to be seen. Women need to be heard, accepted, they need to feel validated in their experience. Because so many women are just walking around feeling so alone, or if they do open up to their friends or family, they get comments like, oh, you'll be right, just get over it, just move on. Or they feel ashamed of expressing how they feel. And that's where everything lies, in the shame feeling. And so even though their family, their friends, their loved ones may mean well, it's not what they actually need. They just need to be seen for who they are underneath everything, to just drop the mask, drop their guard, and just be them just for a moment. Because so many of them feel like in their own lives that they can't be themselves. And that's really sad. Really sad. And then if they feel like they can't open up to anyone, they can't be themselves, you know, women are turning to online, to mindless scrolling, to comparing themselves to people online. And that just drives the belief more that they're not good enough or that they should be doing better or what they're experiencing isn't valid. Like it's this vicious circle that's going around. So even if you don't make it to a retreat, if you have a couple of close friends, maybe this is a good opportunity to actually start to break down those walls, to start to share a little bit more, to get a little bit more vulnerable, because that's when the shame is going to dissolve. And dissolving that shame feels like a weight has lifted. And I think my favorite part of retreat to symbolize this is one of our last activities that, you know, there's no talking, there's no nothing, and women are just fully being seen for who they are. And it's such a beautiful experience to give and receive and to realize that you're not alone at all. So as I said at the start, this retreat was a big one. These were my key takeaways, and I'm super excited. We've got August and November already locked in at Census in Noosa, and I'm locking in February dates for next year because these weekends are powerful. Women come in thinking they just need a bit of a reset just to get away from life, and though they realize it's so much more. Like I had a woman on day one at dinner say to me, So Stacy, this wasn't what I thought it was gonna be or what I signed up for. I just thought we were gonna be pampered. And I was like, okay, I'll take that on board. However, by Sunday, she was like, This gave me more than I knew that I needed when I signed up for it. This gave me so much more. She had time to actually reconnect with herself, with others, had space just to relax, had space to figure out what she wants next, had space to talk about these things that she'd hidden for years and years because she felt so ashamed. And so for her to actually say that to me at the end of the retreat, I was like, my gosh, it's so worth it. It's so worth being on the couch with a migraine to give her that space that she didn't know that that was what she needed at the start. And for her to receive all of that, it's such an honor. It truly is. So if you've been listening to the episode, or even if you've been to a retreat before and you're feeling like this is something you need to do again, please reach out August, November this year, and then next year I'll be doing Feb, May, August, and November again. That's the intentions, and I'd love to have you there. This retreat is for every woman. It doesn't matter what age group you're in, you will get exactly what you need over the weekend. And it is designed for the women that attend each retreat. You don't need to be good at meditation. You can open up as much or as little as you want. You're not going to feel judged. You're not going to be made to feel ashamed of yourself. Like there's so many, I think, misconceptions that women have about retreats. However, this experience that I've designed is second to none. So if you are curious, please reach out. Let's have a chat. Because I know that these will sell out time and time again. I know that you need this because I know that every single woman needs to experience this at least once. Thank you so much for listening, and I will chat to you on the next episode.