The Fearless Warrior Podcast

006: Getting the Most out of Your Student Athletes and Leading with Joy with Coach Shelly Mowinkel, Milford Softball

• Amanda Schaefer, Shelley Mowinkel

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Coach Shelly Mowinkel is in her third season at the helm of Milford softball as the head coach and she is a business technology teacher at Milford high school. My favorite part about getting to know Shelly is how she pours into the relationships around her. I've had the privilege of coaching Shelly's daughter inside the fearless warrior program, and up until she brought me in to coach her high school team, we had not met in person! Fast-forward to now. I always enjoy my conversations with Shelly as she challenges me to grow in many ways and supports all my ideas at fearless.

We talk about building relationships with your athletes, using true colors to learn how to coach your individual athletes, developing well-rounded student athletes, how to hold your athletes accountable, and have hard conversations all while finding joy and having fun doing it. So if you're a coach that wants athletes to know how much you love them, and want the very best for them, Shelly does an amazing job of giving you a behind the scenes of just how she does that. 

Episode Highlights:

  • How to find joy in life's ups and downs
  • Seeing your athletes as people first, athletes second
  • How integrating mental performance into her team has helped elevate performance
  • The importance of celebrating wins

Connect with Coach Mo:

Instagram: @shellymo, @mhssoftba11


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coach Shelley Mowinckel is in her third season at the home of Milford softball as the head coach previously, an assistant coach for the three years prior to that, she is a business technology teacher at Milford high school. And my favorite part about getting to know Shelley is how she pours into the relationships around her. I've had the privilege of coaching Shelly's daughter inside the fearless warrior program. And up until she brought me in to coach her high school team, we had not met in person. Fast-forward to now. I always enjoy my conversations with Shelly as she challenges me to grow in many ways and supports all my ideas at fearless. So as you've listened to this conversation, I think you'll be able to tell that as we talk about building relationships with your athletes, Using true colors to learn how to coach your individual athletes, developing well-rounded student athletes, how to hold your athletes accountable and have hard conversations all while finding joy and having fun doing it. So if you're a coach that wants athletes to know how much you love them, and once the very best for them, Shelly does an amazing job of giving you a behind the scenes of just how she does that. Running her program. Let's jump into today's episode..

Amanda:

Shelly. I am so excited to have you on the podcast. Welcome to the fearless warrior podcast.

Coach Mo:

Hi, Amanda. I'm so excited to be here. A little nervous, but excited.

Amanda:

Yeah. The cool thing about launching this podcast is you and I have had so many amazing conversations as coaches, as women, as moms. And so it's just an opportunity for us to have one of our coffee chats. over a podcast, which is really cool.

Coach Mo:

And you know what? It's also amazing about this is I had not told you this. Until you text me, it said you were starting a podcast, but I have specifically been praying for you since July 1st about what your next step was. And it was always a podcast that was on my heart. And I was waiting to tell you that when we were going to have our next coffee talk, but it came up over text message. So I just think it's all coming full circle, uh, that I'm here today

Amanda:

with you. That's amazing. It's so funny because we, we got the retreat done. Uh, our big fearless warrior retreat will be in July every year. We had the second annual one and Shelly's in my ear, encouraging me and texting me. Um, you just been an amazing friend to me and to see the growth of this has been amazing. Um, and so we'll, we'll get into this in the podcast too, about high school coaching and our journeys as coaches, um, to, to be able to impact. You know, the 30 girls that are in front of you, which I know we'll talk about today and then being able to impact more than that. And so it was just a natural evolution of, you know, the messages and the conversations that you and I have had and other coaches and our network, these conversations are just too good not to share. I mean, just not to share.

Coach Mo:

Yeah. But I think along with that, Amanda, there has to be this element of vulnerability, and you do touch on that in all of your, um, strength, mental strength training sessions that you have to be willing to open up. And, um, since our interaction, since we started becoming part of each other's story, I've really understood how I have to let go of some of the walls and open up my heart to share, you know, I, I. I'm very introverted and it takes a lot for me to open up and outside of my extremely small circle. So I have learned that from you and. Uh, and I'm so grateful for that because I'm getting more comfortable sharing my story with everyone.

Amanda:

Which is amazing. And now I have you, uh, reaching out and speaking with our entire fearless fam. If you're listening to this, I consider you part of the fearless fam. So let's, let's dive into it. For those of you that, uh, may not know. Coach Shelly Mowinkle, uh, as everyone calls her coach Mo is, uh, a high school coach at Milford. And, and I know I, I will probably have her bio at the beginning of this podcast, but tell us about who you are and

Coach Mo:

what do you do? Um, yeah, I am a business technology teacher at Milford high school. I am entering my 21st year of teaching 17 years here at Milford. Um, I absolutely love what I do. My first profession was to become an accountant. And after a year, I decided that's not where my heart was. My heart was teaching accounting. However, I've taught accounting only two semesters in 21 years. So it's crazy that I am in this world of teaching because I really didn't think I should be here. With the 21 years of teaching, I have been a coach at some capacity, um, whether it was assistant junior high, uh, head junior high track coach, uh, I was a volleyball assistant coach prior to moving over into the softball world. So really, I have been in, um, softball coaching capacity. For six years, three years as an assistant, and now I'm entering my third year at the helm of the Milford softball program. Um, my husband is the principal at Milford junior senior high school. I have a daughter that is going to be teaching her first. Year here in a couple of weeks, she is also going to be an assistant softball coach. So my heart is completely lost right now. It's not only, it's not only bursting with purple cause that's our school colors, but it's starting to bleed a little bit of blue. Cause I want to follow her. Um, I have a daughter that's going to be a senior. Who plays softball and our youngest son Zephyr is going to be a freshman. So we have actually turned a new chapter in our household. We have everyone that can drive. I take a deep breath because before you know it, Amanda, your kids are going to be here.

Amanda:

So, um, Oh my gosh. And at the time of this, it's August, we're prepping for school and I actually get to see you this afternoon. We, we work together. Um, I get to do mental performance. I feel like an extension of your coaching staff, which is incredible. Let's just jump right into it. Tell me, you know, one of the things that is kind of. You know, if you could describe coach Mo in one word, and this is one of your top values that you proudly share, kind of touching on that vulnerability piece of sharing your story, coach Mo is directly associated with the word joy. And so let's just kick it off. I want you to just riff on this with me. What, what does the word joy mean to you? And why is that such an important part of your coaching journey? Well,

Coach Mo:

you know, for so long, I didn't really know what I valued the most. I knew that I was a quiet leader, a humble leader. I do everything in the background. Um, and that's always been my personality. However, it's been, um, it's going to be six years in January that my mom passed away. And, um, in one of our final conversations we had, uh, she just told me, she said, Shelly, your gift to the world is joy. And I immediately started crying and tears going down my face. I'm like, what? Like my mom sees joy. And she just said, how you interact with your students. How I see you coaching, how, how you interact with my grandkids, the smile you bring and, and what you say, your heart is filled with joy. And that is all I want you to continue here on out. And, um, so I really had to think about this, like, Joy. Like what, what does joy really mean? Yes. I can be happy in circumstances, but there's so much more deeply rooted and joy comes from all circumstances, whether it's, um, the peaks or whether it's the valleys. Like I had to find joy going through a cancer journey with my mom, even though on the surface. Is there any joy in that? So I have really, um, taken what my mom said at that moment and made that the trajectory of my vision of my life. How can I bring joy to every

Amanda:

person around me? Which is incredibly inspiring because as a high school coach myself, I know sometimes and as a teacher and as a mom, we get so stretched in and we get so ingrained in these worldly things. And what I'm hearing you say is joy to you isn't just the superficial feeling of I'm feeling happy. It's a deep abiding. I'm choosing joy. I'm seeking joy through all things. Yes. And so. Um, I think we have more in common than, than we even realized. Talk to me about, you know, the grind of high school coaching. A lot of our listeners are parents and coaches. What, what keeps you going in those moments where you're talking about the peaks and the valleys, when you find yourself in a valley coaching, it's hard, you can't make everybody happy. You have to choose your starting nine. You have to make some incredibly difficult. Uh, decisions and you have to have incredibly difficult conversations. So how do you weave joy into those moments?

Coach Mo:

Yeah. You know, Amanda, that is, that is tough because first of all, I'm not the personality to have those tough conversations. Like I like to make sure everybody is happy, like they're, you know, but that is one thing that I've learned as a head coach is sometimes those tough decisions that I have to make. Or those tough conversations I have to have with my student athletes. Those are moments of growth. And those are moments that necessarily, um, don't necessarily I find joy in. But I know that I am making myself better. I'm making my student athlete better by having those conversations. Especially in high school. Like we're, they're learning this life skill of having a tough conversation or, um, seeing me, uh, like stew or I'm a crock pot thinker. So I, I take time to think deliberately. They see me thinking deliberately making those lineups or deciding that practice plan. And I have to be very transparent with my student athletes also that, you know, this is. This is me. I am doing what I think is best at this moment. You may not see this, but it's about the process. Like what we have to do today is about the process. Um, so I think that, uh, I always have to keep the, at the forefront. Yes, I need to be in this moment, but also I have a bigger picture as a head coach that I have to, um, also be aware of. And I honestly, sometimes that it seems so contradictory to my coaching philosophy, because I'm always like, get in your bubble, be where your feet are. And you, and as a head coach, I need to be there no matter what the situation is, but I still have this over This big vision that I'm trying to, uh, help grow our program in.

Amanda:

Right. And by program, you know, you have kids for four years and you have eighth graders that come in and help as student managers and they're becoming part of the summer camps. And so to be able to see that and grow athletes, talk about your goal as. Um, you know, the conversations that you and I have had, I think one of the biggest mistakes, and this is me being vulnerable as a head coach in the high school program that I worked with for three years. If I could go back and redo it, I wish I would have known Shelly sooner so that I could have learned that message of it's not just about the Xs and Os and caring for people and seeing this firsthand as part of your coaching staff, to be able to come alongside. And work with your team as an extension. I get to be that fly on the wall and not all programs embody this, but. You really practice what you preach and it is people first athletes. Second, how do you do that in the grind of, and for those of you guys that don't know Nebraska softball season is in the fall. And if you take out preseason and post season, it is an eight week season. Yes. And you guys are playing four or five dates a week, and that doesn't count Sundays. And so how do you manage people first, athletes second, in the grind of Of the masculinity of, of the season of the grind.

Coach Mo:

Yeah, that is a fine balance because like you said, uh, Amanda, I am very academically oriented first, my, my athletes know you are student first. Um, but that kind of took me a while to understand. We're always talking about these multi sport athletes that we want, which is amazing. However, my philosophy is, is I want to develop a well rounded. student athlete. So, you know, I, I have to, I, and I, it's very difficult, but when I am at school, my interactions in the hallway with my athletes are not only about softball, but it's me grade checking. It's, uh, me having those conversations, how can I support you if you need help in a class, or if you need to stay after with a teacher, or you have an extracurricular activity? What, how can we find this balance? Because I, our class sizes, Amanda are 55 to 60 students. And if our student athletes aren't involved in everything, I shouldn't say everything, but in more than one thing, like all of our programs. Don't have the participation, you know, so I'm always trying to encourage that. Um, so the grind of the season is, is I just got to be real with them. My freshmen or all of the athletes, but specifically my freshmen, I've talked about how we're going to be up and running. We go to school for half a day and the first full day of school, we have a game. Right. You know, and we have six games underneath our belt before the first entire full week of school. So how can I help them realize what they're going to see coming up? Then how can I support them that first couple weeks so that they can take a deep breath and be like, oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed. This is fast and furious, but I know Coach Mo is going to help me. Like,

Amanda:

and you prep them. This, the reality of it is, what I'm hearing you say is we talk about expectation and reality and the, the mindset of that. If we bring these freshmen in and, and this could be for college coaches or, or select coaches, it could be any season, is if we don't prepare them. Of, you know, whether it's an opponent of like, this is what I'm seeing. This is what to expect. If we don't prepare them, they're just going to get blindsided by, Oh my gosh, this was so hard. What's wrong with me? They internalize it. They feel alone. The freshmen, I've never done this before, but what you're doing is you're prepping them and saying, this is going to be hard. And I can see that. And it's not a pull yourself up by the bootstraps mentality. It's we're here, the vulnerability piece, the psychological safety piece of when it gets hard, I want to be the first one to know. And that's what I've seen from your program.

Coach Mo:

And you know, it's also that fine balance as a head coach, because you want to support this, but you also have to be tough. And like, if you miss practice, That's an unexcused absence like you now are part of a high school program where a non negotiable for me is punctuality and being there, you know, so how do I find that fine balance also without getting them like too scared that oh my gosh. Uh, if I miss practice, there's a consequence that's going to happen. Yes, there is. However, I still want to support you so that we don't get to that point of that punctuality comp, you know, so there is that balance

Amanda:

also there. Right. Well, and I think it comes back to the conversations that you've had of your culture of you're not waiting until the first day of school to have these conversations. You're prepping them. You're prepping your upperclassmen to take the underclassmen under their wing. And on the mental performance side of having these coping mechanisms to manage the stress. And tap into the mental performance skills that, that we trained all summer, which is kind of cool. That would be a good segue to kind of talk about. I know I first worked with Milford through your program with softball, but now we're working with all, uh, women's athletics. And so one of the questions that I would love for you to kind of riff on is, you know, we talk about the importance of portents of mindset and mental skills, but for everyone listening, what was that pivotal moment where you kind of realized. Okay, I know that we need this stuff. I don't necessarily know how to teach it. We got to bring somebody in to kind of integrate this into our program. What was that decision

Coach Mo:

like for you? So it's kind of twofold. Um, when my middle daughter was an eighth grader or a freshman, we signed her up for your, um, online mental strength training course, fearless warrior program. Yes. The fearless. And actually I learned more about myself. Going through your program. Then I think she understood at that point, I think she was battling this. Mom told me I had to do this type of thing where the coach in me was like, Hey, this is going to help you. Um, and I think I took on the coach's role more than the parent role, but that program helped me and it helped me realize in. how I teach things in my classroom. I am, I am afraid of failure. I am. That's just my personality. And in the last five, 10 years, I have really grown into that. Like failure is part of growth. We have to be okay with failure. So through your online fearless warrior program, I started taking just that one small element of saying failure is okay. And in my classroom, it is a safe place to fail. So, uh, fast forward now to, until like last year when I, Like I, after my first year of being a head softball coach, you know, I was so concerned about skills, so concerned about information that I needed to get the, the kids. I'm like, I was missing this boat, this, this path, I was missing this path. And I knew the path was strength training of our mind. And. So I jogged back to you and I'm like, I'm just going to reach out to Amanda and just see what her thoughts are. Would she work with my girls? Because also a voice from someone else gets the wheels going a little bit more than just. Coach Mo. And so I really went back to your, um, program book that we have. And the two things that you had right away, the self talk and the failure recovery, I was like, wow, I need that with my athletes because we talk and you know, this, we talk about being where your feet are. You have to be in that moment. But we all catch ourselves thinking back to that air we had, or even me as a coach, Oh my gosh, why did I just call that sign? Like that was dumb. I gave up a, I gave up a two run, uh, double, you know, off that pitch I just called, but we also catch ourselves looking forward. Okay. We got six more hours and then we're going to win this game, you know? Um, so there was that balance of, I want to talk about how, where we're at. Here and now in this moment, and then get over that failure recovery. And those two things really hit me and said, okay, I need Coach AB in to talk to my student athletes and. Um, you did so much more for our girls last year. I cannot tell you enough how incredibly blessed our program was to have you. And, um, just those elements, I think, elevated our program in one year, one season alone. So thank you for that. I think it goes

Amanda:

back to you bringing me into the fold and not. I love everything that you said and, and talking about these skills as not necessarily something to fix, but this is going to elevate our program. And I remember the first conversation, uh, I, it was funny because we were doing summer and we wanted all of the girls there. And obviously it's not mandatory. And it was even the girls that weren't there to receive those messages. To be able to come in, do one training with your team, to see them excited, bought in from the start and the girls that weren't there, even at that training for that, the other girls to take ownership and take hold of that so fast. And to bring the other few girls that, you know, were gone at nationals or gone on mission trips or whatever those missing items were in the summer. To see them come into the fall and for your entire program to embody this that fast is a testament to your culture. And so it, again, it's, it's not that I changed your culture. It's, I love that you said the word elevated, which is incredible. Talk a little bit about the personality colors. I know we'll kind of get into this on, um, how, how has Learning that skill of your athlete's identity and again, getting to support you as a coaching staff and getting to support your athletes. Talk about some of those skills about, you know, one of the first things that we kind of embodied was personality colors as a, as a

Coach Mo:

program. Oh gosh, that was a huge eye opener for me. Because like I said, I wanted you to talk about failure recovery. I wanted you to talk about not giving negative self talk the space in your mind. However, the biggest thing for me was that personality colors activity, because I'm gold, I'm gold, I'm green. And because I had those two personalities, guess how I set up my practices. Gold and never, and like, I didn't really ever bring in that green element, but here's the goal. We're going to do this. We're going to stay on this timeframe, uh, yeah, very, very structured. And so when you did that activity with the girls, I, what was it? 90% of my team is orange. Oh my gosh, gold, orange. Like opposite ends of the spectrum, like in my mind. Yeah.

Amanda:

And for those that are listening, it's not that any one personality is the right or wrong. And if you've taken a personality test, it is the combination and the mix of how do I know my athletes and what's, and typically when we do this, of all the teams that I've worked with now, there's always a mix, but there's always a dominant color. And so for your 2022 season, it was. It's very orange, very life of the party. They need to have fun. They need to be loose, you know, doing the tick talks, cheering music, I black bubble gum. Just the whole vibe is scary as a coach to be able to kind of the reins of your culture as a gold is. But we need, you know, I have to have authority. I need to have structure. And so talk about that inner conflict. Yeah. That inner conflict, the things that you learned. Yeah. And

Coach Mo:

Amanda did forewarn you going into the 23 fall season. We're heavy orange again. Oh my gosh. Again. So, so yes, so that, that whole conflict of having a structured practice and making sure I wanted to get through everything, um, I started having to say, okay, coach Mo, I have to bring in an element of fun. I've got to do something. And the first year. It was hard for me, very hard. It would be small, intentional, fun activities that I would do, but then I'd be right back to being that gold. And then, um, but then I also had a handful of students that were green. So I needed to get, I needed to throw out numbers. I needed to say my, my defensive expectation. Is 9 80 with my outfielders, you know, so not only when I was having those conversation with my outfielders, I would have those conversations with the entire team to say, here's what is it's like defensively, or I'm sorry, but our right now, our Uh, bunting average when I put, when I want to button play is only at 200. We need to get working on that. And I think that not only worked for the greens, but it helped those oranges. Oh my gosh. Okay. So how can the, I tap into the oranges. So when we're doing those drills, they make it a little bit more competitive. They cheer on when a successful bunt is laid down, whatever it is, you know, so that inner conflict that I was having, I had to let go of. And so yesterday on our first day of practice, um, I had the outfielders in the middles doing a drill and Trash can relay. I hit a ball to a gap to the outfielders. They had to get their relay and the relay had to hit the trash can at home plate. Oh my gosh. First play. No way. I kid you not. It happened. I bat flipped and I said, well, there goes that drill. We're done. We're done. And all the girls started laughing, but they were just cheering and having so much excitement. And they're like, if Ayla and Addy can do that relay, then we're going to do that relay. And then it just became a competitive, but effective drill. And it got across what the golden me wanted to happen, but it also brought our team together and it also brought out the shyness of my freshmen because you could start seeing their eyes get big and they wanted to be successful. So, you know, um, I have to, I had to start changing that. Because it, I need to use the strengths of everyone. And even though I am as afraid of oranges as possible because I'm not the entertainer. I'm not the be out and wow in your face. I'm not the dancer, you know, that, that color has an important place in our program.

Amanda:

Yeah. Well, and I think it allows you and your athletes to stand in their power. And that's the ultimate confidence boost of, I know I can be me. And I think where we get it wrong as coaches is, well, this is on my practice plan. We have to do this drill for 20 minutes and we lose sight of, you know, why, why are we doing this? And even when you talked about zooming out of, well, yeah. Is this one practice. If I zoom out of, of the program and these athletes are going to walk across the stage and go into this world of preparing leaders for life outside the chalk lines, they're going to remember these times, not just as X's and O's of softball, but I could do it. And we brought fun. And, and the ultimate goal in life is if we can impact our athletes to love what they do. And yeah. Yeah. Follow the joy and, and see, we can work really, really hard and have fun too. Yes. Yeah. And I, and I think you're right. That's scary. I think for the coaches listening, it is very scary to implement some of these mental skills to think about things differently, but it's almost a slowing down to speed up because now I think you have more confidence as a coach to be able to coach them as individuals to coach them as a team. And that's been really cool. Yes.

Coach Mo:

And you, you said it like our job. As a head coach, yes, we have all those information. We have the bucket that we have to make decisions and get a game plan ready. But for me, if my student athletes lead the program and that last day that they're in the program and they don't want to take their high school jersey off, I feel like I've done my job. You know, if I can get them to love the game of softball, if I can get them to care for others, if I can get them to inspire people around them. I feel like I've, I've won my job.

Amanda:

So cool. Uh, so we're just riffing on this and I love where these conversations lead. You said the word one. And so let's talk about wins. We celebrate wins and you've kind of implemented that in your practice of, you know, checking in, not only checking in, but getting them to find those little wins and big wins. Talk about how you're incorporating, incorporating that into your practice. Cause I think a lot of the times coaches who are listening or coaches who come to me and say coach AB, I just don't know where to start. And it doesn't have to be these big overarching, if, if you, you know, don't have the funds or you don't have the time to really dive headfirst into a big mental skills training program or come hire me to do a bunch of workshops. What is one thing that you've kind of implemented those little, you know, wins before practice or chalk talks strong throughout your practice. Can you kind of talk about that? Um,

Coach Mo:

okay. So I started something this year about, um, a pocket goal, uh, just so that the girls Each hat choose one thing that they want to focus on and whether it's making sure that the muscle memory of a drop step. They really want to focus on that. Or if yesterday, one of the girls wrote down, I want to focus on my leadership. at the first day of practice. So I feel like the little wins that I'm coming across right now, and they're constantly evolving. But I want to be intentional about asking the girls to be reflective. about their practice, but also be pre reflective, like, okay, this is where I'm going to get, this is what I want to focus on. And then how can we do it? And sometimes, oh my gosh, I got fuzz flying through my room right now. I don't know where it's coming from. Um, But I don't, I, I want them to set their micro goals for the practice because all those little micro goals are going to lead up to the bigger picture, the bigger process, you know, and, um, but I want them to understand the importance of being reflective. We're not all going to have the perfect practice. We're not, we're not all going to hit off hit 10 for 10 and about 1000. But how can those girls that see themselves as perfectionists understand the small micro goals and all the mistakes that they're having throughout the practice is going to make them a better game time player. And so, so the first part of practice is setting those small pocket micro goals. Then I do an instance, what you have them share those, but they, they actually have to put it in their. Back pocket, keep it there. And then they give it to one of the coaches at the end of the practice. So yesterday their goal, um, went to our brand new, one of our brand new assistant coaches, that's also pretty new to our district. So he could go through, they had to put their name down and one word that was going to describe them. And he, this is going to give him the opportunity to kind of tap into their strengths. And when he has those conversations with each of the girls, he has a little bit to, um, work off, get it, get him to build those relationships quicker, you know, but then it's a little bit of an inspirational talk and then, um, you know, my specialty is outfielder. So the outfielders get a lot of coach Mo and then, but in, in between every single break, I try to, as a group say something inspiring. And, um, that is my personality, but I also told the girls, like, this is a huge win for me because this is one of those graphics that you shared with our girls at the beginning of the year. Um, at the beginning of our training about there's four buckets that need to be filled. Well, a huge win for me is being transparent to all these girls saying, I am not going to be able to fill these two buckets. Like I, I can give short things of inspiration, encouragement, but my role for you guys as a whole is on these two things, setting up the information, making sure you guys know your skills, all those things. However, I can tap into those little bit those buckets, little by little, and just through what I know, and that is a huge win for me as a coach, because. I can't fill all four of those buckets and you made, made it known to me. I will be burnt out. I will not be able to find the balance if I try to fill all those four buckets for everyone. So the, during practice, when I just have those little short nuggets of inspirational talk, chalk talk, that's me being vulnerable, being transparent. But also helping, hopefully, helping fill those girls buckets. I think, I was hoping that's what you wanted there. Oh my gosh,

Amanda:

yeah, I think it gets overwhelming of, Oh my gosh, I have to put an hour, you know, I have to sacrifice an entire hour of my two hour practice to talk about visualization and self talk and your why and your support system. And one of the things that Shelly's talking about is we teach support system. And the analogy that I like to use is buckets. And ironically, it was so much more than teaching the girls that if you're waiting for your coach to give you confidence, if you're waiting for your coach to give you unconditional love, that is not their role in your support system. A lot of the times that's going to come from your parents, your peers, your siblings. And so. When we are seeking the wrong buckets from the wrong people, that's where we're leaving our confidence to chance. And so the cool thing that I'm hearing you say is not only did that impact your girls, but that impacted you as a coach to be able to take that pressure

Coach Mo:

off. Yes. And you know what, Amanda, I, um, added two new assistant coaches this year. And the first thing I told these brand new assistant coaches of mine, I said, This is my personality. What I need from you this year is I need you to be able to fill the encourager bucket. I need you to make sure that you're, uh, in tune to saying, oh my gosh, this girl had a great practice or she did this drill. Amazing. Tell that girl, tell me, you know, get it in my forethought that when I'm like, Hey coach, this girl had a, did this drill so amazing. And then at the end of practice, if there's something you want to call out about it, that's going to be your time on stage. And, um, gosh, yesterday my assistant coaches just did that. Like I was just so excited. Like they are the perfect fit for me. And some of it had to be, because I learned from you that if these are going to be my two buckets, I need somebody on my staff that can be a bucket filler in that area. Because like you said, it's going to, your encourager might be your parents, but they do need somebody on staff. That can be solely that person also.

Amanda:

Sure. Absolutely. This has just been such a fun conversation and, and we've kind of lost track of our notes too. And, um, you know, one of the questions that I think a lot of coaches have is, you know, wow, these skills. Yes. We need these, these sound amazing, but. Maybe there's a little voice in the back of your head that's saying, yeah, but does it really work or will this really work for my daughter? She's really negative. I don't, I don't know if this would work. What was kind of the aha moment that you started realizing, man, this, this is actually working. And, and how did that translate to that? I mean, we can get into the X's and O's of. You guys had a great run last year, an incredible run. And so obviously at some point, the mental hit the road with the physical, what was that aha moment?

Coach Mo:

Um, honestly it was district play. We, um, had just lost to Aquinas in sub districts. We found out that we were going to be hosting district play against Aquinas. I think we already had a three game losing streak dating back to 2021. With Aquinas, we hadn't beat them at all. And,

Amanda:

um, and they are in your way to get your ticket to state. And now your, your girls see this. Yes.

Coach Mo:

They see this against them. My seniors are unconsolable at this point. You know, they think season has ended. Season has ended.

Amanda:

We're never going to beat Aquinas. Yeah, we're not

Coach Mo:

going to be able to beat Aquinas. And at this point, we didn't know we were going to potentially have Aquinas again. Um, but after the games and after I'm trying to talk to these girls and be like, okay. You're crying is over with because we're going to play on Saturday, Friday or Saturday, just, we don't know where, and we don't know who. And, um, so, you know, they're there. Nobody's leaving the field. The seniors are trying to like embrace their last moments on the field, touch the dirt, all that stuff. And I have like three parents come up to me and they're like, we figured it out. You're either going to Aquinas or they're coming here. I'm like, okay, you know, bring it on. I'm like, I'm just excited. We put ourselves in the position to be here. Okay. So I bring the girls back together, all of them. And I said, okay, you're done wallowing. We're done being upset. Seniors. You get the opportunity to play again, underclassmen, you get the opportunity to play again this season. And I said, we're going to, you're going to go home tonight. You're, you're going to have a short conversation with your parents, whatever it is, but you guys get no more than. 15 minutes to a half an hour to talk about softball. And then after that, be a kid, do whatever. And I was like, you know, within reason, I always want you to be safe and make smart choices. And they all giggled at me. Cause they're like, yeah, you are our mom. It's mama Mo also, you know, but then the next day at practice, we knew what was going to happen. We knew Aquinas was going to come to Milford and we knew we were going to play on Saturday. So I sat and I just talked to the girls. And I said, this is where everything that we have done up to this point now happens at this point. It's not about the skills you're going to learn. It's about you trusting all the preparation. It's about you trusting all of the skill work and muscle memory. It's about you trusting every time coach AB came to talk to you, what she's telling you is coming into play right here. And that practice just changed everything. Like I could see everything just like they started playing loose and free at practice. Like there was no stress and you, and you get this, Amanda, like that week leading up to seniors, potential last game, you can see a change in them. Like they're, they're not ready. To have softball be over with. And so they start playing a little

Amanda:

bit more like you had talked about, they don't want it to be

Coach Mo:

over. Yes. And so you can see tightness coming. You can see all that. So, you know, I saw the change in prep that week. I wish I would have saw it sooner and I probably, um, saw it, but it didn't come. Like it wasn't in my mind, but then that first game against Aquinas, we, we lost. However, in the bottom of the seventh inning, our shortstop hits a home run, and it's not about the home run at all. What what that moment was about is watching that our shortstop run around the bases. And I saw in her eyes, we're going to do this. And I've never told that story because I was like, I saw that and I saw the hit and immediately in my heart, I knew we're going to come back and win this. But then when I saw it in our shortstop's eyes running that basis, I'm like, okay, that's the validation I need. Then after the game, our third baseman is in tears, complete tears, and she's almost having like an anxiety attack. She goes, I can't do this. There's so much. I go, what can't you do? She's like, there's pressure, there's pressure. I'm like, there is pressure, but guess what? It's amazing that you are in this place to have pressure. And I said, I don't need you to carry this team on your shoulders. What I need you to do is I need you to play loose and free. You're a sophomore. Like there's no pressure for you. She's like, I just want to give the seniors the opportunity to play. I'm like, then you got to let it go. And I said, go get the, to have the tears off. By the time you walk across the field, go get a Gatorade something. But then Amanda, after that, it just started to snowball, like more confidence, more everything. So it was, it was just in those. three little moments that practice after the game or the after subdistricts, um, that, that hit. And then just having that conversation of just play loose and free, that's when I started seeing just everything go like, okay, I failed, we might've failed as a team because we lost, but you know what, we get to do this again. And so it just, I get chills just thinking about all of that. And then the last pot fly, um, of the third game, or it was a foul ball to the first baseman. Best of three series. Yeah. Best of three series. Yes. And, um, she catches that and she runs and gives me the biggest hug. And she's like, I was not dropping that ball for anything in the world. And I'm like, that's why I do this. Yeah. That moment.

Amanda:

And to be able to represent at the state tournament, knowing that you punched your ticket and getting to have that experience for your girls of our program is now in that post season we get to extend the season is it's beyond the X's and O's. It's, it's just a, an accomplishment that I think all teams goal is to do that, but to be able experience that moment. The girls talk about their favorite memories. And a lot of them speak of those moments.

Coach Mo:

Well, yeah, and you know, one thing I did say, um, in that practice, um, that just was so small to me, but the, a couple of the seniors told me this, like something that really touched their heart and they really kind of leaned in on, and this was in April and May before they're going to graduate. I just said, seniors. You get to finish your senior year in Hastings at the state softball tournament. How cool is that? This is an experience that I want to give every single one of my student athletes. And they told me that, and they're like, one of the things that you just said, like, just we've leaned into and kept close to our heart was when you said we get to finish. You didn't say anything more than we get to finish at Hastings at the state softball tournament. That was so powerful to us. And to me, that is just something that I'm probably just rambling on Amanda, you know, like just coming out of my mouth wasn't planned or anything like that, but. It was cool for them to come back and say that to me, six, seven, eight months later.

Amanda:

Right. Well, I think it would be easy to get caught up with, Oh my gosh, now we're, now we're here at the state tournament. Now we have even more expectations to go deep into the bracket and to win a state championship and just to be able to take that pressure off and for them to truly enjoy that moment. Uh, for those of you guys that do know coach AB, I loved getting to go to the state tournament last year. Uh, I was due in October. So at that point, uh, I was literally nine months pregnant hobbling around the state tournament. And then I think baby girl came two weeks later, a week later. So that was just. I will forever hold that season as a fond memory in my heart to, to be able to come alongside you, to see your girls accomplish that my eyes are watering, just thinking about that season for you guys. Um, and for your girls. So coach Mo, this has been an amazing conversation and just being able to riff with you and. I hope that there are some amazing tangible takeaways, but also some, just some thoughts, some food for thought for, for everyone listening. Um, I do, before I let you go, I have one final question that I ask every single guest and it is, you are a time traveler and you can go back in time and give your past self one message. What would you tell yourself?

Coach Mo:

Be okay to fail. I wish I would have learned that so much earlier in life. And, um, especially when you're in school or on the athletic field, those are safe places to fail, safe places to grow. Um, yeah, just acknowledge how important failure actually is in our life and just taking those risks.

Amanda:

Cheers to that. That's amazing. I love that nugget. Well, where can we follow you along your journey? I know we can, we can follow you on Twitter. Uh, is that the best place to kind of, if somebody wants to stay in touch with coach Mo and, and the things that you're posting and your season is Twitter the best place to follow? Actually,

Coach Mo:

Instagram. I have an amazing, uh, husband who loves photography. And so he takes a lot of pictures. So for, I do a lot on Instagram cause I can easily share more photos there. So, um, yeah, at Shelly Mo and, um, Milford softball at Milford softball, but it's Milford one L F O R D to, so I could use the Milford Uh,

Amanda:

we will tie, we'll link those below in the show notes as well,

Coach Mo:

but yeah, I'm more on Instagram than I am on Twitter. So awesome. Love that. Well, Amanda, thank you so much. I had so much fun. I hope I will see you later at

Amanda:

practice in a couple of hours, I get to go and see you guys and kick off the fall season, uh, beyond just the summer sessions that we do. So we get to hit the field this afternoon. Yes. Awesome. And by the time this airs, who knows if we're going to, you guys will be listening to this towards the end of August and Shelly will already be three to four weeks into season. So we might even have to record another update. So

Coach Mo:

yes. Oh my gosh. It's crazy to think that at the end of August, we could be a fourth through our season already.

Amanda:

That's incredible. Yes. Fast and furious. Well, thank you so much. And as always, I love our conversations and I am filled with joy.

Coach Mo:

Just you always fill my bucket. I loved being here today. So thank you very much.

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Amanda Schaefer

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