The Fearless Warrior Podcast

060: How to "Embrace the Suck" with Ellè Nelson

• Amanda Schaefer

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Ellè Nelson is a mental performance coach and a former collegiate soccer player. She currently lives in London, working as a mental performance specialist for Charlton Athletic Football Club. She's used her own experience as an elite athlete in high performance environments to guide her work with individuals and teams. In our conversation today, we talk about all things mental performance and how learning to control our emotions can help unlock an athlete's elite potential.

Episode Highlights:

  • How top level athletes deal with prefomance anxiety
  • How to reframe your thoughts
  • Feeding the wolf
  • How to embrace the hard

Connect with Ellè: 

Instagram: @mymentalperformancecoach




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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the fearless warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success, so if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode.

Speaker 1:

Ellie is a mental performance coach and a friend of mine. She's a former USA collegiate and elite footballer playing in the USA, france and England and for us in America we mean soccer. She's used her own experience as an elite athlete in high performance environments to guide her work with individuals and teams. She's currently in London working as a mental performance specialist for Charlton Athletic Football Club and a room tilter for Limitless Minds, which is how we met Ellie. Welcome to the Fearless Warrior podcast.

Speaker 2:

Aby, thank you so much for having me. Honestly, I'm delighted to be here, so this is going to be amazing.

Speaker 1:

So this is the first time that I've actually committed to doing this. Typically, we chat for like half an hour or an hour and then we decide to hit record and you and I both decided we just need to hit record Hedgehog. It's been too long, I think we decided. The last time we chatted was March.

Speaker 2:

I know it has been so, so long. It doesn't feel like it has been, but at the same time, it does. And yeah, we'll just get into it, cause I'm, I'm, genuinely I feel like we've got so much to talk about so much Okay.

Speaker 1:

So for listeners we have athletes, we have coaches, we have parents. You played soccer. You're a mental performance coach. You're currently in London. What? What is your life like Like? Walk me through maybe a typical day or a typical week for you?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, okay, so I, I work full time as a mental performance coach, which isn't always that common in the field, especially when you're working in women's sports. So for me, I am with the team three or four days, uh, weekdays, um and then I'm with them on home games, so that's about 50% of the games. I'm with them over the weekend. So I get a lot of contact time with players, with staff, with wider extended staff and the club as a whole. And then I'm doing some private work outside of this work with Limitless Minds. So I keep busy when I'm not at the football club definitely.

Speaker 1:

So what are those interactions Like? I'm so curious. I obviously practice days during the week are a little bit different structured. What does that look like in a practice versus a game day? Of like, do you have athletes coming up to you on the sidelines? Are you setting up time slots for them to come into a designated office? What?

Speaker 2:

does that?

Speaker 1:

look like.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, good question. So what my role has looked like throughout a season and throughout a week, even throughout a day, it looks so, so different. There's not a set structure and I would say what worked for me last season because I was fortunate enough to be with the same club last season isn't the same thing this season. And reason being because for last season the whole concept of sports psychology or mental training was new for some players, even the most experienced players. The mental game is. It's starting to be tapped into a lot more in England, but it is still a new topic of conversation. So last year it was around building relationships, building trust and building a foundation for just understanding the importance of mental skills, how it's different from mental health and how it can massively contribute to a high performance environment. And so this season we've really gotten to go into more detail, which I've absolutely loved, and throughout the week I will do a usually one team session with the whole group staff included. Staff are oftentimes in the room because they want to engage with it and show the players that they're taking it seriously as well. And then throughout the week, I'm having individual conversations, usually pretty casually, kind of like walking around the training ground, walking around the soccer field and really just touching base or maybe doing some more like structured session work with them and mental training with them. But then I'm actually doing a lot of work behind the scenes and I think this is one of the coolest things about working with a team full time is I get to sit in the room with the staff and help contribute to the technical, tactical part of the game.

Speaker 2:

So oftentimes we think mental training is this thing that you do when you're not on the field or not on the court or not in the pool, but actually it's integrated in absolutely everything you do, like it should be like paint on the field or not on the court or not in the pool, but actually it's integrated in absolutely everything you do Like it should be like paint on the walls. When you're in the gym, that's a mental session too. When you are out in the field, that's a mental session. If you're watching film, that's a mental session. And so I'm helping the staff to really understand that and to implement that into their training to help the players really connect with that.

Speaker 2:

So that's what it looks like during the week it's a lot of applications, a lot of conversations and then on a match day, ultimately my role is pretty hands-off, so I'm not doing a lot, and that's what I want. I don't really want to be involved because, ultimately, on a game day, your job is to trust your preparation. If you know you've done the work, you get to turn up, perform and enjoy every moment of it. So you shouldn't be relying on me, and that's my goal. So I'm there mostly observing, seeing how the staff operate, seeing how the players operate. I might be taking some notes, but I try to stay out of the way unless I'm needed, which is very seldom. So big differences between training and matches.

Speaker 1:

That's so cool and not only to hear you contributing on other areas of seeing you as part of the staff. When we ask the question well, what would an assistant coach do? Well, the assistant coach is helping with the entire. Well, what would an assistant coach do? Well, the assistant coach is helping with the entire coaching staff. Those conversations and on the athlete side. But I want to point out something that you said there trust your preparation. How cool is that that we can start to create allegory match-ups of on game day. You're not going to change your approach. You're not going to change your footwork to the ball. If you told an athlete to do that on game day or you gave them technical cues, for example, in softball, if you're in the batter's box and I'm giving you full cues to change your swing, we would be crazy to do that. We would look like we're crazy or we're mobile coaches. Trusting what you have on game day also applies to your mental skills. So if you've done the work ahead of time, you're also trusting those on game day.

Speaker 2:

Oh, completely Honestly, it's a, it's a game changer. I would say it's one of the most important things. I know I'm biased, but if you think about even the best players, when I'm working in like a high performance environment, the best players will struggle with performance anxiety before a game. But I think anxiety and how that impacts performance is very much a matter of perspective. Anxiety is normal.

Speaker 2:

You're going to feel some of those things, but the most important part is how you perceive it and if you can notice that you have that feeling, whether it's, you know, the racing heartbeat, a little bit of sweaty palms, um, racing thoughts.

Speaker 2:

If you can recognize that and go, do you know what nerves are a good thing. But I'm prepared because I know I've done the work and if you have a peace of mind that you've done the work, it it's a lot easier to reframe the nerves as excitement. It it's a lot easier to reframe the nerves as excitement, whereas if you know, maybe you've not done the preparation, you, you didn't study the game plan, you don't know the plays, you um, you know, didn't ask that question that you had during practice, that you were too afraid to ask, you might have a little bit more doubt on that game day and, hey, we're not going to judge ourselves, but it's going to be a reminder that come next week I have another opportunity to be prepared and I think that that shift with how we view performance, anxiety and nerves is is huge, because the the best athletes, they struggle with that same stuff.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that you bring that up. I I just recently started working with a soccer club here in and it's a very high level. Their coach is actually from Germany and so he's also high level. And his comment to me last night and and we forget this, because we know this, we assume this, because this is the work that we do, right, these athletes have this idea that well, when I reach the next level, once I make the A team, the gold team, the national team, once I make it to college, then I will have eliminated those feelings of anxiety, I will have eliminated those negative thoughts and we forget that our athletes are thinking that and it's our job to demystify or debunk those things. If you're listening to this, ellie is literally telling you she's working with some of the best soccer players in the world football players and they're experiencing feelings of performance, anxiety and nerves and and negative thinking. Right?

Speaker 2:

yes, gosh, yes, and the sooner you know this, like, the sooner people learn this, the better. Like I feel like so often we're trying to run away and avoid and repress some of those emotions and some of those unhelpful thoughts. But actually we can choose to change them, we can embrace them, we can see them differently. That's a that is a part of performance. It's an amazing part of performance, actually.

Speaker 1:

And if you can kind of befriend that whole, that process, whoa, I feel like that's when the change really occurs yeah, when you start to notice without judgment and you know to bring neutral thinking into it with trevor moad, who you are connected through, is this idea of can you look at it with neutrality and see, like what's this emotion trying to tell me, without letting that emotion dictate your behaviors?

Speaker 1:

And when we get to that place of neutral, it's not that we're ignoring that emotion, but we're taking that emotion and setting it aside for a moment and saying, yes, I, it can be both, like I can feel nervous and what's important now, while I have to, you know, know this player, we're running this player to be in this certain position. Um, how do you, I guess how do you coach your athletes on emotions? You know, last year being your first year of building trust, I think the mistake that a lot of coaches make is we do we try to squash those emotions and make it till you make it. What has been kind of your rapport and trust building been? You know, if you can think back to last year, like what was that education telling them about emotions?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's a good question, I think. I'd like to hear your perspective on this too. But I I think last season a lot of work was done on just getting to understand that whole process of how your thoughts can impact how you feel and how you feel can impact what you notice in your body, which then can impact your performance. And there's this cycle that's constantly taking place and it's it happens, but we won't be able to change it if we're not aware that it's taking place. We're not aware of this continuous cycle that's going on. And the good thing is it's a skill. It's not. Oh, this is how I've always been and I can't do anything about this, and oh, this is just me. I just get frustrated and then I lose it. That's just how I am. Actually. It's a skill. It can be learned, but because it's a skill, it takes conscious practice. So you need to be aware that it's taking place and I guess the way that I kind of view it, if I think of like thoughts, emotions and actions, is okay.

Speaker 2:

With thoughts, you might not feel like you can choose your first thought, but you can choose your second thought, so you can choose how you respond to that, how you push back. You can choose how you'd like to move forward with your thoughts, flick a switch and change our emotions as much as we'd like to, but we can view emotions as information, right. What is it trying to tell me about where I'm at with this cycle and what I might need to change? And can I view this emotion differently? Right, like nerves versus excitement.

Speaker 2:

But with the emotion I try and really emphasize, we might not feel like we can just change it, but we're working on our thoughts and then I think sometimes we forget how powerful our actions can be as well. So, for a player that's on the field or on the court, I try and talk about like, who are you as a player? Like, if you were to describe who you were as a player with some action words like AB, think back to your softball days, you know, if I were to say things like courageous, brave, dominant, composed, gritty, yeah, like, what are one or two words that would describe you or that you would like to embody as a softball player? Like, what would you say? One or two?

Speaker 1:

Um gritty and energetic.

Speaker 2:

Okay, gritty and energetic, so let's go with. Let's go with energetic. So what are some behaviors that reflect being energetic, that can show up during a game?

Speaker 1:

being energetic that can show up during a game, I would say I needed to be vocal. So I was always talking to my not necessarily talking to my catcher, but like I was loud in the dugout, I needed to be vocal. I needed to express that like pent up energy of like. If I bought in, if I was stone faced, it was wrong. So when I was playing my best, I was loud, I was exuberant, I was joyous. Okay, the actions that followed that were you know, ab's talking, she's fist pumping, she's, you know, showing the outs. I was outward and inward.

Speaker 2:

Okay. So more outward sort of inward fist pumping um, communication is there, so we've got energy through that. And then if something were to not go your way like, give me an example of something not going your way I don't know what position you're playing. Uh, giving up a home run? Okay, Giving up a home run. So your response to that situation, what would demonstrate being energetic as a response that you'd want to have?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, not going inward, so not being quiet, getting the ball back, saying you know like, give me the ball, we got this coming into that team huddle, not in a um outward way necessarily to the other team, but more of an outward way of you know, looking at my catcher and looking at my corners and my. You know I would always point to Nat, nat in center field of like she's not getting again, like not being afraid to. I think the mistake that most people make is, when something bad happens, we go inward and we like shut, it's like I don't care that you just hit a home run on me, like that's not going to happen again.

Speaker 2:

How do I do that?

Speaker 1:

I go outward.

Speaker 2:

Okay, okay, brilliant. So I love that you recognize what you might do. If, like a response that you basically wouldn't want to have, which is going inward in that situation so you've identified to be energetic, I would have a more outward response. I would continue to communicate. My actions would probably demonstrate that I am still connected to my team.

Speaker 2:

So when I work with players, we say, okay, if you're having a hard time getting through or working through that emotion in the middle of a game, you can still demonstrate action, regardless of how you feel. That action might feel tough to do, you might not want to be energetic, you might not want to communicate and connect, but by golly you can still choose to do that and that's going to help you move through that emotion. So we try and control the second thought. If we control the first, amazing. And then we can choose our actions and that continues to cycle back around so that emotion will pass, we can move forward and it doesn't have to be a snowball of a negative performance. So, to go back to your original question, it's helping players understand the power they have over that process.

Speaker 1:

Yes, well, and I want to. I'm very visual, so I'm that's the only bad thing about a podcast but I was like, yeah, how do we bring out the whiteboard? If we were on a zoom call, we would be sharing screen right now. I I've done a few, I've done a YouTube video on this so I can link that below. But, um, what we're talking about is the thought model, or CBT, and so it's this idea.

Speaker 1:

What Ellie is saying is we have this thought column, is our thoughts happen, which then create these emotions or these feelings, which is the second category, and then, on those feelings or emotions that come up for us, then the actions will flow from those, our behaviors, which then affect our performance, and then we have thoughts and judgments about good or bad performances, and then the loop continues. But if you see those columns bear with me, if you can see those in the smack dab middle is emotions, and what Ellie is saying is we cannot reframe emotions without first looking at the thoughts that came before it and the actions that come after it. So she's giving you two very tactile I love this tactile ways of, instead of squashing an emotion or saying don't be frustrated. What we want you to understand is the work that we do is yes, that was frustrating. Yes, you probably want to go inward or sulk or be frustrated. That's fine, you're allowed that.

Speaker 1:

But then what's your choice? Either you observe the thoughts that created that result we can reframe those thoughts or we look at those actions and those behaviors and we choose those behaviors, despite how we feel. And then what happens is, if we recreate that loop, you've recreated a new thought creates a new emotion, which creates a new action or behavior. And we can work that loop forwards or backwards, which I'm sure a lot of professors, if they're listening to this, they'd be like you can't work. That you can't work. That is not how it works. It doesn't go backwards, it's just re looping. And so we're reframing those thoughts, we're not reframing the emotion.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. Can I take you around everywhere with me, because you just communicated that so clearly.

Speaker 1:

It's visual Like I think it helps if you're a visual learner like I. Literally, Ellie, I will have my athletes draw three columns in our one-on-one sessions. I I'll be writing it, but I will make them write it as well. We're down those thoughts. Well, okay, Ellie, if you have this thought, you're up for a penalty kick. And now you have this thought. You have this thought, you're up for a penalty kick. And now you have this thought don't miss, don't miss, don't miss. Or, oh my gosh, I'm so nervous. You're going to feel nervous and you're probably going to create some sort of unwanted outcome because your focus was on being nervous and instead of saying I'm not nervous. What would a new thought be like? Work, work. A new thought model, what would something that you would want to say during a penalty kick?

Speaker 2:

So, thought-wise, something I might want to say is I'm composed, I'm prepared, I I'm ready for this moment, or I might be telling myself internally this is the decision I'm going to make. And I believe that I can do it. I know I can do it.

Speaker 1:

And I'm learning about soccer. So when you go for a kick, do you like aim at a specific point, because some of the girls were saying like yeah or rim.

Speaker 2:

Oh, do you know what this? This is so interesting because I'm actually doing a lot, of, a lot of work on penalties right now and I won't go into too much information because it's a tactical thing. But some players have already made the decision prior to and some players make it in the moment. Based on the goalkeepers movements, you're more likely to make it if you've made your decision ahead of time and just committed admit interesting.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, don't be giving away secrets. We don't want your competitors to listen.

Speaker 2:

I actually want to. I've been doing so much work on this recently. I want to talk about it. So bad, but I will talk about it after. Yeah, we'll talk about it, we in a couple of months, in a couple of months, I'm all yours. I'll tell you everything Amazing.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so for all my soccer girls that are listening to this, ellie's telling you to make your decision and commit to it and be that girl.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Um, I want to be mindful of time. I have this written down. We're going to kind of shift gears. As a mental performance coach, I have been blown away by what we know now mentally and I keep saying this is hilarious. I've been saying lately if I could go back and redo my career knowing what I know now, mentally paired up with the peak. Like, can I go back and redo my career knowing what I know now, mentally paired up with the peak? Like, can I go back to you know 18 to 22 years old and have that body back with this new mentality?

Speaker 2:

Yeah Amen, sister.

Speaker 1:

Physically, we have the privilege opportunity of helping younger athletes.

Speaker 2:

Yes, some of this now and, wow, we are blessed to do that.

Speaker 1:

So tell me okay. So you're currently doing high rocks, which is a competition based. It's like marathon meets, hit workout meets, rowing meets all of the above?

Speaker 2:

Um it's. It's kind of like how the CrossFit trends in community just blew up. High Rocks is similar, but probably with more running. So you end up running 8K by the time you finish and the goal, if you're doing it competitively, is to complete it as quickly as possible. You'll run 1K at a time and in between every run you've got an exercise. It might be a thousand meter row, a thousand meter skier, there's burpee jumps for 80 meters, you've got sandbag lunges, 100 wall balls like one activity in between, everything that is meant to just completely blow your gasket and you get through it as quickly as possible. That's my cliff notes version.

Speaker 1:

And so what? Why did this interest you? Why did this peak your interest?

Speaker 2:

So my one of my best friends that I played with she is incredibly talented. She got into high rocks when it had just started, um, and she was actually a world champion she brilliantly. So there was one day when I think she was in her her off peak and she was actually a world champion. She had brilliantly. So there was one day when I think she was in her off peak and she was like, hey, do you want to do a doubles together? Because they do singles, they do a doubles race and then they do relay. So she was like, yeah, let's just do a doubles together.

Speaker 2:

And I was like you know what I've not like properly competed in a long time and I think when you're a former athlete, you kind of you like to have those goals, you like to have something that you're working towards that challenges you. And so I did it and I loved. I loved the challenge because it took so much out of me, but in the best way possible. And I was like, yeah, let's, let's go. So now this is my first time doing it completely on my own, oh, solo. So you're doing it this weekend solo, doing it this weekend solo. So I actually I'm flying out to Milan this weekend for it, which sounds glamorous, but I guess when you're in Europe, it's like popping over a state, um, and so I'm going over by myself, I'm going to do the competition and then I will fly home.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so what's like a time for a single? So like, how long will you be competing?

Speaker 2:

So anywhere between, like world champions will be about an hour and then you'll have, up to you know, an hour 45, maybe a little bit more or less. So my, my aim is for about one hour 15. And I set that time as a time that scares the heck out of me and I'm totally up for it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, let's go. I'm going to be texting you, hey, and you got to have like a. Do you have like a place to eat picked out? Because I'm such a foodie I would have that to look forward to I think about that Was that you that was telling me. You're like oh, I just need like these little pick-me-up treats.

Speaker 2:

We might have been, because I talk about food and think about food all day, every day if I can, and going to Italy as well, I'm like pasta pizza on, let's go carbo loading to the mess.

Speaker 1:

The carbs are different. It doesn't. It's not the same as American carbs. It's really not.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, you have no idea I'm going to go all out with the race, but also with the carbs, so I've, I'm already scoping out a few places arguably more important than the race. No, but it's really cool. Honestly, I'm, I'm looking forward to it, cause I feel, like a lot of my players too, that I work with, they're like oh, your high rocks is coming up, how are you feeling?

Speaker 2:

And they've been really really awesome about it, which I appreciate, cause they're working a whole lot harder than I am, but it's it's that kind of thing where I'm like well, yo, I got to practice what I preach. I. I am somebody who talks pretty consistently about embracing discomfort, like do the hard things, cause you get stronger going through it and I think that was my strength when I was a player as well and when you've not done that for a while, it starts to feel a lot harder. I think of it like feeding the wolf. Have you ever talked to anybody about, like, which wolf you feed?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, there we go. What's funny is I almost always use that analogy with my clients. It's harder with like it's just such a masculine story.

Speaker 2:

I talk about it a lot, I absolutely love it, and if you've not heard feed the wolf before which I'm guessing you have it's essentially like, um, when you are in any type of situation I particularly think of like physically demanding situations you have a choice.

Speaker 2:

You have an opportunity where, if you want to rise to the occasion, you can feed that wolf, and that wolf is going to get stronger. If you shy away from it and you back down because you want to rise to the occasion, you can feed that wolf, and that wolf is going to get stronger. If you shy away from it and you back down because you want to avoid discomfort and you want to avoid, maybe, the fear of something new, you just fed the other wolf, which means you're more likely to shy away the next time. And so for me, I feel like when I've not done something physically challenging in a while, that wolf that wants to shy away and back down, it gets a little bit bigger, it gets a little more confident. It's like, oh yeah, go on then. And now this experience and training for a competition for me has been my way to go. I can feed the other wolf, I can still do this, I'm ready for this and I've been very uncomfortable through this process and I love it. I love it.

Speaker 1:

It's so good, it's refreshing. Has it given you a different perspective on your job as a mental performance coach, and how?

Speaker 2:

complete. Well, I wouldn't say it's given me a different perspective, but it's refreshed my perspective in that I I think embracing the hard is absolutely crucial. The the people that I see who arguably have made it you know they're the top 5% they don't even think of it as embrace the hard. They think of it as part of the process. It's meant to be embraced. There's there's a joy and a satisfaction that you find in it when you're not I don't want to say when you're not good at something, when you're less experienced at something, or you have a lot of opportunity for growth in it. It's like it's an opportunity for growth. You see it as a great challenge and you enjoy that part just as much as you enjoy, you know, the winning and the thriving and the strengths. So that part of it, I think I have refreshed my appreciation for that process, because it reminds me that the people who want to be great are the people that love to be uncomfortable, because your whole journey is going to be uncomfortable if you want to get better.

Speaker 1:

Amen. Well, I love that you said the word. Challenge is that. You know, as former athletes in our prime, we didn't really have that choice when we made that decision to go to university, go to college, play on an elite team, go higher, play for Team USA. That in itself was a challenge and we didn't really have to structure challenge within that because that was already created for us. And so I think as I hate saying ex-athlete, we're former athletes. We have to intentionally seek out those challenges.

Speaker 1:

Ellie, I'm embarrassed to admit this. Working out for the last six weeks makes me realize how embarrassingly easy and lazy my life was physically, and I say that in a in a, in a way of like. I understand that I've been in this season of raising young kids, right, and it was hard to find time for me, but I didn't realize how much I missed that discomfort. And it sounds crazy, but day one I was so sore I fell down the steps of the gym. I fell at the top step and I fell at the bottom step. I had a bruise all across my back from falling.

Speaker 1:

It was like this feeling of like, oh my gosh, my body has not been worked and I did the baseline, like the basic moves that were no big deal in college. And so it's like this reshifting of like oh my gosh, I've taken my physical health for granted and now what a gift I've been given to realize I don't have to make. I was feeding that wolf that you know negative wolf or that lazy wolf or whatever of like, oh, someday I fed that wolf for six years, ellie. So it's like okay, no shame there, I'm radically transparent. It's like, oh my gosh, how much more vibrant life has been being challenged.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I, honestly I appreciate the vulnerability. I love hearing you say that and I mean, let's give a little bit more praise to you, because having kids and raising kids physically, that's a whole different ball game that I have have yet to imagine. I've got so much respect for your body's ability to do that. But then to acknowledge within yourself that you've probably had this like mix of emotion. Right, If we go back to that thoughts, emotions, actions you've had a mix of emotion and you chose to take action regardless. You'll continue to choose to take action and reframe the way you see those emotions and actually the discomfort is something that you're like oh wow, I'm, I did miss that, but it's a real process.

Speaker 1:

But if we use a logical brain, right Like, logically, it does not make sense to sacrifice the first hour of my day. Logically, it does not make sense. Nobody wants to say, hey, I would like my quads to feel like, I would like my hamstrings to be so tight that I feel like they're going to pop. Nobody signs up for that soreness. Nobody signs up for sacrifice my business time. But it's this idea of like having a hard time articulating it, but it's like made me realize that, like I do want this discomfort that I've been avoiding for six years, I was just too afraid to step into the start of the discomfort, because day one was the hardest.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, then, that's what it was this the start of the discomfort, like the freight of the unknown, the uncertainty, the start, the start, and I feel like sometimes, with that step, it's like like the phrase how do you, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, one bite at a time. Sometimes we're so overwhelmed with the thought of starting because of what we want to achieve, which is brilliant, to have the goal, but where's the process? One, one bite, one step, and and that's a win, and I hope you recognize that as a win, by the way, please- tell me you did.

Speaker 1:

I have so seen it and, like I've been talking about this on my Instagram stories is like, logically, the results aren't showing, but the process is so like I know that I'm building muscle. My weight has remained, it dipped a little bit and then it went back up. I'm building muscle and so if I'm relying on the scoreboard, the scale, the stats, again this discomfort on surface level, it literally you would never be able to tell. But I can tell my strength, my mentality, my weights are going up. I'm showing up to tell, but I can tell my strength, my mentality, my weights are going up. I'm showing up at the gym. I'm honoring my commitment. That's that one bite at a time is like all I'm focused on is zooming in to the right time, the one day at a time, and like I can rate the process. Yes, I don't give a crap about the outcome yet. Yes, no, it will come.

Speaker 2:

Yes, oh, my Okay. For anybody who is, who is listening, that is the key to consistency If you want to prolong your, your reaching your goals, or I say, your playing career and what you'd like to achieve with your sports. If you are focused on having the best days and perfect stats and getting the one outcome, and you're so focused on the outcome, oh my gosh, buckle up because you are in for some highs and for some lows. But if you are thinking about the process and the dedication and the consistency and showing up and what you get from showing up, that is when you're going to be consistent, because you don't see the lows as lows. You see them as information that you probably needed to help you level up. That is that is. That's huge.

Speaker 1:

That's huge. Well, they talk about this in the NFL. I feel like that's a primary example because it's broadcast a lot on TV. But you hear about these football players, specifically quarterbacks. Quarterbacks get a lot of attention. Um, where the announcers are constantly talking about. This guy was not a five-star pick. This guy was not a D one athlete. This guy wasn't about whatever that is, but he wanted to play in the NFL. And how many amazingly talented athletes who are focused on the outcome win because they want that glamorous statistic or that outcome, whereas, if well to, to quote Trevor Moad it takes what it takes. If you are focused on the process of I'm going to make it to the NFL, I'm going to be a professional, I'm going to make team USA those lows literally have no effect. I mean, well, let's back up. They do have an effect on you, but they don't derail you.

Speaker 2:

Right, yeah, that's where you've got information to go from and I have you watched, by the way, new on Netflix. I think it's called the starting five. No, it's um, yeah, it's about five NBA players, lebron being one of them, um, and then you've got a couple others, different level. Well, no, they're all in the NBA, but kind of different backgrounds, different ages, different um experiences, and you kind of get to see their day to day and you see, of course, they've got so many games in a season, but they are, they're the best of the best. And when they like, watching it back, games that were lost granted, they weren't championship games, but the season games that were lost players are are bothered because they're competitive, um, but they're not. They're not like visibly massively upset and torn apart after the game.

Speaker 2:

You, you see them and you hear them and they're like, well, this happened, this happened. They're neutral. They're like look at the facts. This, this is the data, this was the, the breakdown. We go again, I'm going to take what I need to and I'm going to move forward. That game's done. I'm focused on my recovery and I'm focused on getting better and we're back to the drawing board and that's what we'll do and prepare for the next one, and so they're very, very level-headed as they go through. They are not. It's the end of the world. I can't believe this. This is catastrophic. It's neutral. They're looking at the facts and they're taking the information and getting better, and they're the best of the best.

Speaker 1:

And they get paid for a reason yeah, that's their job, they get paid to do that. So if you have the incredible highs of the highs, of the lows of the lows, you're not going to make it. What is it? Seven, eight months season.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, something like that, that and I'm trying to think of like mtv.

Speaker 1:

So spring break is in march, and then we now have october is post season, so eight months I just counted on my fingers, I guess.

Speaker 1:

Well, so that's also. The sad state of youth athletics is. I feel like youth athletics has become bled into longer and longer seasons and these kids are playing a hundred game seasons but they don't have the same emotional regulation or these mental skills or these tools that these professionals do. Yet we expect them to act like professionals. Well, professionals have access to mental skills training. So if you haven't taught your athlete how to emotionally regulate, don't be surprised if they're writing those highs and lows which, yeah, that's why we do what we do?

Speaker 2:

yeah, completely, and I I think that that just reminded me of um, like something I talked to my players about on game day. I think players nowadays I mean the media, social media, um, all that doesn't really help, but on a game day, I think sometimes players put so much pressure on themselves they're thinking about the game all day. There's a buildup, they're getting ready for a big tournament over the weekend and they're thinking about it and thinking about it, and thinking about it. But actually what you're doing is your body. From the moment you wake up, it's starting to release adrenaline. It's just like slowly coming out, and then, by the time the game starts, they're exhausted. They're totally and completely exhausted, as if the game has already been played.

Speaker 2:

And so, even for the best players, one of the greatest things they can do is switch off, like, don't think about your sport. That's your day. You're supposed to trust your preparation. Maybe you need to run through a play one more time just to refresh yourself, but really enjoy, enjoy yourself, enjoy your morning. Don't think about the game, don't think about your sports. And then when it's, you know, an hour from game time, then it's go time, then we get locked in. Then we start to channel that focus. But before that, for your brain's sake and your body's sake, from a performance perspective, you don't need to think about a thing. You just enjoy your morning, have a nice coffee, or, if you're a youth athlete, maybe don't have coffee.

Speaker 1:

Breakfast burrito? Hopefully not. Yeah, yeah, and the difference between like well, I'm my mind goes to high school athletics or just even youth athletics is like you have school to occupy your mind, so what you're speaking, it's like a professional athlete is like I could totally see how an entire day leading up to a match would be, yeah, exhilarating, or adrenaline, yeah. I can totally do that.

Speaker 2:

Oh, it's a bit. School's a good point. School can be like a healthy distraction or it might be the thing you also want to switch off from a morning of so that your brain's getting a rest. But I know sometimes we don't have that luxury, which is why high school and college athletes massive respect. Massive respect because it's a lot to manage.

Speaker 1:

It is a lot. I would still go back, though, if somebody said, hey, you could relive. I would choose college, high school, maybe Middle school, absolutely not College. You could just like pick me up on my little human timeline and go. You get four years back, let's go. Oh, nobody here Does that count for us?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're of eligibility right, I think so. Maybe even two, yeah, I would. I would go back 100%, like whenever I work with college athletes. I'm like you're living the dream.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you, you're, you don't even know.

Speaker 2:

Don't even know, it's so, so good. I would go back in a heartbeat. I would do it all over again.

Speaker 1:

Well, so this is a really good segue. So our question that we ask for every interviewer interviewee is the time traveler question, and so we'll kind of end in that. Okay, so, ellie, you are a time traveler. You now have the ability to go back in time and give yourself one message.

Speaker 2:

I thought similar to what you said at the very beginning I thought that was the work that you needed to avoid and, like you said, when you, when you get there and you make it, then it'll go away. But actually you need to go through that stuff to get to where you want to go. You need the suck, you need the not starting and not playing, you need the difficult conversations and the tough feedback that is. That is part of the process. You need that to get to where you want to go. It's a gift, absolutely yes, oh, so good.

Speaker 1:

Ellie, I really appreciate your time. This has been an amazing conversation. If you're listening to this, let us know. You can find Ellie on all the social platforms. Where are you most active?

Speaker 2:

Instagram probably, and let's go.

Speaker 1:

We'll link those below and, ellie, thank you so much for your time today.

Speaker 2:

Aby, thank you so much. This has been so much fun. Aby, thank you so much. This has this has been so much fun and for all of you listening. Thank you for sticking through this with us. It's been hopefully as good for you as it's been for me. Awesome, love it.

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Amanda Schaefer

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