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The Fearless Warrior Podcast
The Fearless Warrior Podcast, a place for athletes, coaches, and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. Each week, join Coach AB, founder of Fearless Fastpitch, known for the #1 Softball Specific Mental Training Program, as she dive’s deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools, how to rewire the brain for success, tackle topics like self doubt, failure, and subconscious beliefs that hold us back, and ultimately how to help your athletes become mentally stronger.
The Fearless Warrior Podcast
083: How I Use Mental Skills to Fuel My Fitness Journey - Featured on The Real Life Runners Podcast with Angie Brown
This week, I'm taking you behind the scenes of my fitness journey. I recently had a great conversation with my friend, Dr. Angie Brown, DPT, on her Real Life Runners podcast, where I explored how I utilize mental skills in the gym and the significant impact it's had on my approach to exercise as a busy mom and entrepreneur.
Episode Highlights:
• Focusing on process goals rather than outcome goals
• Creating confidence conditioning statements
• Using a "wins, mistakes, betters" journaling technique
• Acknowledging negative self-talk but learning to talk back to those thoughts
• Standing in your power by asking, "When am I giving my power away?"
Connect with Angie:
Instagram: @realliferunners
Podcast: Real Life Runners with Angie and Kevin Brown
Ready to learn the techniques that will actually increase your softball athlete's CONFIDENCE?
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- Monday, May 5th - Friday, May 9th
- JOIN THE MENTALLY STRONGER CHALLENGE HERE!
More ways to work with Fearless Fastpitch
- Learn about our proven Mental Skills Program, The Fearless Warrior Program
- Book a One on One Session for your Athlete
- Book a Mental Skills Workshop for your Team or Organization
Follow us on Social Media
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Welcome to the fearless warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success, so if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode.
Speaker 1:Today's episode is how I use mental skills to fuel my fitness journey, featured on the Real Life Runners podcast with Angie Brown.
Speaker 1:This episode was so fun to record because my good friend Angie, who you all might know as one of our coaches on staff from time to time and a huge part of the retreat team, she also runs her own coaching program through her own business called the Real Life Runners.
Speaker 1:She interviewed me for her podcast and we recorded this episode back in January and since then I'm well past my initial 12-week kickstart. I have now been at the gym 32 weeks and counting. Actually, this week is week 33, and at the time of recording this new intro, I'm headed to the gym in about 30 minutes to hold myself accountable to those goals. Those goals I'm also excited to share that, after attending her retreat last month, in March, I was able to run a 5k distance for the first time, not on a treadmill, and then the next day I ran another four miles. So for someone who believed I wasn't a runner, this has absolutely challenged me and changed me in a really cool way, and I've reached goals that I never thought were possible, which has helped me to dream even bigger. So, without giving too much away, let's re-air this amazing interview we did together.
Speaker 2:What's up? Runners, Welcome to the show today. I am so excited. We have a special treat on the show. I've got a guest and one of my very, very good friends, Amanda Schaefer, is here. What's up, Amanda? Hey, hey, thanks for having me. I am so glad that you are here. It's about darn time we had you on the podcast.
Speaker 1:I think it's totally fitting because there have been some massive changes in my life, so the curiosity is strong lately.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. Today might be a little bit of a different episode than you guys are used to, because Amanda and I are very good friends and we talk about this stuff all the time, and so it might be a little bit more casual. But Amanda is a mental performance coach and so she has recently been getting into back into her health and fitness journey. So I wanted to bring her on the podcast so that she could tell you about her health and fitness journey and how she uses mental skills that she teaches other people she's an expert in this area but especially how she's been applying them to her own journey. So, amanda, tell us a little bit about kind of your background, your history, and then more into your recent love of your new fitness journey.
Speaker 1:Well, so for those of you that don't know, my name is Amanda Schaefer. A lot of my clients call me coach AB. I have been a softball coach in the capacity of an instructor. I've coached teams at the high school level, club level for the past 10 years, which is crazy to think about. I graduated from college as a college athlete. I was a softball pitcher and just really loved the sport and found myself coming back to this as a career. So for the past five years I have been a mental performance coach.
Speaker 1:So the question I always get is well, what is you know? What is that? And luckily to this podcast, you're not new to that concept, because you know we need mental training and there's kind of a myth and a stigma around it. So the best way that I describe it is on the mental performance side. It's helping you perform at your best, as it's related to your sport. So anything mental performance related is geared towards helping you run better, faster, longer, stronger, helping softball athletes to perform better, really any sport, um, and then obviously, the mental health side is a different area where we're speaking about mental health as it applies to how you function in your daily life. So you know, are you eating, sleeping? How is your function in day to day? I don't touch a whole lot on the mental health side. We refer that out to LNPCs or practitioners that can refer and diagnose those. So really I get to help you perform at your best as it pertains to your sport.
Speaker 2:Which is awesome, but I also don't want you to downplay what you do too much, because I think that all of the things that you teach your athletes can also be applied to so many different areas of our life, and I think that you know, as runners, we understand that too. Like what we apply to running, the skills and the tools that we use in running, can just carry over and spill over into all areas of our life and help us deal with life in a lot better way. So tell us a bit about your recent um you know, re-entry into the fitness space and like, how long were you away and tell us a little bit more.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I am a young mom, so I have a six-year-old, a three-year-old and a new two-year-old at home and so for the past six years I have kind of I I instead of saying putting my health journey on the back burner, I will say I put my mom journey on the front burner because I really made a conscious decision. There were a few years in there where I felt guilty because I'm a former college athlete, I should be working out, I should be stronger, and I've always had a nutritious diet. I love food, I love to cook healthy. If somebody said, hey, you know you could quit your day job and just become a chef, I would say yes to that. That's how much I love food, um. But then I started noticing that even though I love my broccoli, my salmon, like I'll eat healthy, I have no qualms with, you know, a nutritious diet.
Speaker 1:I noticed that the busier our family got and the busier my work life got, it was easy to just go out to eat. So our family, we started going out for burgers and fries and why not? Right? And then it just became part of our every weekly um recipes or our meal plans, where, you know, we were going out to eat two to three times a week. It probably wasn't the best nutritious things, and then the other nights of the week, as a busy mom, here I am microwaving chicken nuggets and corn dogs and frozen pizzas, and then that became our new normal and I woke up one day and I just I felt like crap. I was working late hours and all for what. I knew I needed more time, and the funny thing about this is and you've seen this I knew that something had to change and I would try to change these habits, but it was always on the back burner, and so it wasn't until I recently put this one decision on the front burner, which was I'm going to go back to the gym and be careful, because this doesn't apply to everybody, but I knew that I needed to have a process. For me that was non-negotiable. So for me, I made the decision that my first meeting of the day was going to be at the gym with myself. So that was the one decision that kind of catapulted everything for us. Um, and I started that exactly three months ago. So labor day, um, I I've been on this journey for 12 weeks now and I've really noticed that, without changing any of the other habits, just changing this one habit of putting myself first, and every day, as soon as I drop my kids off at school, my car is driving to the gym.
Speaker 1:I now am eating healthier. I have become sober out of a decision that alcohol just hasn't served me. I'll have the occasional drink at, maybe, a wedding, um, but all of these decisions that we're just kind of on the back burner now are flowing from. Well, if I'm going to be working out, then I want to be eating healthier. I want to be sober. I'm reading my book at night versus scrolling for hours. I'm prioritizing sleep. I'm listening to podcasts. I bought a standing desk, I have a walking pad, we go on walks with our family and it's like I wanted all of these things. It just took that one domino to to kind of kick things off. So that's kind of my last 12 weeks in a nutshell.
Speaker 2:I love that so much and I really want to focus on this, because I think that what I'm hearing from you is different than the way that I think a lot of people do it, especially runners, because you said that you set a goal to go to the gym every day, Like that was so. To me, that was like you were focusing on the process and the behavior, Whereas a lot of people set a goal that is outcome-based, right, they said that they they I want to lose 20 pounds or I want to be able to run a half marathon Like they set some sort of goal that is an outcome-based goal, and that is not what you did at all here. Can you talk on that?
Speaker 1:Oh, you like teed that up perfectly using a softball analogy.
Speaker 2:So I mean, I am a podcast host, so you know come on.
Speaker 1:So and this is funny because I teach this to my athletes and and I'm going to back up just a little bit yeah, I'm just as guilty of wanting those outcome goals. Yeah, and I thought in my original goal and you knew this a year ago I wanted to sign up for a cycling race and I did not realize what it was going to take to train for that said race and it never happened, and so that, for me, was definitely an outcome goal and I didn't have any process. So that, right, there is proof that I've been on this journey. But until I had this process goal, what this looks like for me and I know you guys can't see this I could go get it off of my fridge. As a pitching coach, I used to print off these mini calendars for my girls to mark off when they practice at home. So I said, hey, I'm going to use one of these for myself. And my process goal was five out of the seven days are going to be X marks on going to the gym. That's it, that's my process. So, for me, I started with really, really simple lifts and it took me about 30 to 45 minutes to do these lifts and, once that you know lift list was done at the gym, that was it, that was my goal and it gives you that satisfaction of you know you get that dopamine hit, you get that satisfaction that you did it. You won't always be motivated. Yes, sure, it's motivating to cross it off, but it comes down to discipline. And so the outcome goal for me, there is still an outcome goal, but it's just not at the forefront. My outcome goal was to get stronger. And now, looking back 12 weeks into this, because I committed to this process, I skipped days. I mean, there were things that happened in our personal life where I probably fell short. But the key is is that on those days that I missed the gym, instead of letting it be thrown in the trash and say, oh, I didn't get my process goal, be thrown in the trash and say, oh, I didn't get my process goal, it's, how can I get that next X? So just last week I skipped Thursday and Friday and I was so excited for Monday to mark that X on Monday, and that was part discipline, part motivation. But now I look at those 12 weeks and I look at my lift list and I have proof that the process is working because my weights have gone up. And so it's not just a process goal, it's not just an outcome goal, it's putting them together.
Speaker 1:I think one of the other tricky things that I've noticed my brain falling into that trap is okay, I've been a mom for six years. I've gained a lot of weight. An outcome goal, secretly, you know. Am I going to admit it to my trainer? Am I going to admit it to my friends and family? I would love to lose weight, wouldn't we all right? Like I would love to lose weight.
Speaker 1:And what happened was is I noticed my brain started going there Like I've been at the gym for four weeks. Why am I not losing weight? I actually gained weight. I gained like three to four pounds. And if I go back to that process goal, what was my process goal? To go to the gym? What was my true outcome goal? To get stronger. And I was meeting both of those goals. And so anytime you're tempted to fall into that trap of the outcome goal, the scoreboard goal, the PR goal, go back to the goals you originally set. And for me now, 12 weeks into it, I am stronger, I am losing weight, it is paying off, but it's a long game for me. So, all that to be said, I'm not immune to it either. Like I still get pulled into that trap of like. I would love the outcome, I would love the PR and we can talk about how I've started running, like you know, and I'm sure we're going to talk about this, but it's so easy to watch your brain fall back into those, those uh, glamor, glamor stats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so then how do you avoid that? Or like, what ha, what do you do? What do you use when you kind of fall into those outcome things? Or like, because I think that a lot of people can hear what you're saying and say, okay, I get it, like I'm going to focus on the process, I'm going to focus on this goal. My goal is to get stronger, right, but like, secretly, they're like, but I really want to lose weight, you know, like, and that's just kind of like there. And so when they see themselves like not losing weight, they, they get frustrated because they're like trying to convince themselves like this is the right goal over here for me to be chasing, but kind of the hitting goal back here is what they really want. So how do you kind of like navigate that? Like, when your brain is trying to tell you that you're not doing a good job or that you're not actually making progress, what do you do?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So the first thing for sure is, if it is not, you cannot change what you are not aware of. So the subconscious mind is going to trick you, it's going to pull you back into these negative thought patterns, and so, for me, my advice for you, is make it visible. So it's on my fridge. I love sticky notes, so if you want to put a sticky note on your mirror, put a sticky note on your fridge, put a sticky note at work on your computer. I also love using the notes app on my phone. So I have my lifting plan, my goals, my why? My process goals. I have that all listed. I call it my performance document, so it's kind of like my mental journal.
Speaker 1:If you're old school, I also have my clients do this where it's a notebook. Like you have a separate notebook where you write down your notes, and anytime you're feeling yourself cycling into that, you can immediately reference the you that set out these goals. What did I write down? And going back to those, those physical, tangible reminders, one of the things that I wrote in mind was I do not negotiate with myself, and that's a confidence conditioning statement, and so the me that started this journey was very wise, and I knew that I was going to have to rely on that when things got hard. And so, when I go back to that that, I prepared that mental skill of putting it in a plan, putting it in my journal, which is a mental performance tool, of journaling, making it at the forefront and then using that tool.
Speaker 1:It doesn't just live in a notebook and then that notebook gets shoved in a cabinet Like it's, it's, it's around, I can see this, and so using that would look like. You know, if I've prepared this confidence conditioning statement of my identity, I am going to the gym five days a week. This is who I am, this is the type of person that I am, and this is the decision that that type of person makes. I don't negotiate with myself. So if I'm tired that day or I am saying, well, what's the point Because that thought has crossed my mind too of like, well, I'm not losing weight, so why even bother? Why even show up to the gym?
Speaker 2:And going back to those tools that set at the beginning, yeah, can you talk a little bit more about a confidence conditioning statement Like what is that and how do we utilize that?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So a confidence conditioning statement is something that you create from an identity level. So one of the mistakes that a lot of people make is we create these mantras, these things that you know like, um, I am strong, I am healthy, I am a runner, I am an athlete, and those are great, but if they're only surface level, they're not going to serve you. And so if we start from that identity level, my identity is I want to be strong, I am strong, I can do hard things. That, to me, is more powerful than saying, you know, like, I'm skinny and I'm, you know, amazing, or I'm a fast runner, or whatever that identity is. The identity has to be real. So for me, like as a busy mom, when I create that confidence conditioning statement, it's matching up with the identity of who I can be and who I want to be.
Speaker 1:And as entrepreneurs, I think another example of this would be like who am I if I have a successful business, not from where I am now, but where I want to be, I am a successful business owner. And then how do I make decisions today that line up with that identity that I wanna be? And so this goes back to okay, if I'm getting stronger from that confidence conditioning statement. I don't negotiate with myself, then I'm not going to negotiate on whether or not I'm going to eat the burger and fries. Now, sure, can I have burger and fries occasionally? Yeah, absolutely. But am I going to have it every night? Am I going to make chicken? Like that old identity has now faded away because I've replaced it with these new confidence conditioning statements, let me. I want to pull it up because I have more in my performance plan.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this whole idea, too, of like identity has to be real, like, I heard you say that and I think that that was really important and I think that that's really powerful, because there's a lot of people out there that understand this. Right, they, they are like okay, I need to create, you know, new beliefs, or I need to create identity, like once they start to kind of look into this and try to figure it all out. Right, but how do you make that identity real when you're not there yet? Right, like, because I think that a lot of people they like, they want to be that thing, they have that ideal version of themselves, but they don't believe it yet. So are there steps for us to kind of get there or get closer to it? Like, what would you say if that like identity doesn't quite feel real yet?
Speaker 1:So this is great, because, if you look at the definition of confidence, confidence is an immense trust. Okay, so, if you're not feeling confident yet, well, what are you trusting, right? So if you're trusting that future identity or are you trusting who you are? The definition is self-trust. So who are we trusting? Our confidence is in ourselves, and if we can trust ourselves, it's not that we trust ourselves to be this, you know, primo perfect person. Do you trust yourself to try? Do you trust yourself to fail and try again? Do you trust yourself to figure it out? And that comes with an incredible power.
Speaker 1:For me personally, if this is on me, it's not on anybody else or even my future self. What decisions am I making today that I have within my control? So, like, opening up my? You asked the question of like, okay, yes, but how tangibly my confidence conditioning statements are? I do not negotiate with myself. I'm doing this. I am strong, sexy, confident. I can do this. I just have to keep going. Strong, sexy, confident, I can do this. I just have to keep going, okay, which alludes to the fact that there are going to be times where I don't want to keep going and I don't want to do it and I don't feel strong and I don't feel sexy and I don't feel confident. But can we choose those actions despite those feelings?
Speaker 1:So this comes from the late Ken Reviza. He's famously quoted for saying are you that bad that you have to feel confident to perform well? And basically what he's saying is are you that bad of an athlete that you are always going to feel amazing? Sometimes your best runs, your best performances are when you are tired or when you feel like not doing it, or whatever those reasons are. Like we're human, right, and so it's. Can you perform? Can you trust yourself? Can you go back to who you said you wanted to be, even when you don't feel like it? And that's where this self-talk mantras whatever you want to call them, confidence conditioning statements have to align with who you are now and who you want to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Is there a difference between a mantra and a confidence conditioning statement? The way that you use it?
Speaker 1:A confidence conditioning statement is more towards action, right Of like what I am committed to doing, what I will be doing, what I will tell myself when it gets hard Um, I. I feel like mantras are taught primarily to just repeat them until they feel real. And the slippery slope with mantras is a lot of coaches unknowingly will teach mantras without doing the deeper work. So if you're telling yourself I am beautiful, I am strong, I am smart, yes, at some point repeating those I think will get programmed, but the actions are going to be so much stronger. So if I were to give my kid a mantra and say you are smart, you are smart, and he comes home and he failed his spelling test. He has every evidence that he's not smart.
Speaker 1:So if I give him a confidence conditioning statement that says I can be a problem solver, I am a problem solver that's more action-based than identity-based. That, if I can give my kids or my clients, what are you going to do in those moments where the mantra isn't true? Because sometimes those mantras feel fake. So if mantras feel fake to you, just flip them into actions. So like, what would a strong person do?
Speaker 2:So what I'm hearing you say is like the confidence conditioning statements, because earlier you said that the confidence conditioning statements are rooted in your identity. So it's rooted in your identity in that it's the type of actions that that kind of person would do. So it's not necessarily like an I am statement. It's like a I am this kind of person. Therefore, this is how I'm going to live. This is how I'm going to act like when things get tough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Is that right?
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 2:All right cool, sweet, so what? So I've I've heard you kind of talk a little bit about like you know your own fitness journey here and how you've started to use some of these. Like you clearly have a journal on your phone and, um, you know a lot of these tools that you obviously know and use all the time. Where have you had struggles like within this, the last 12 weeks? Right, like when? When has it been hard? Because I think that there's always those times, right, like when you start running, when you start working out.
Speaker 2:Again, there's going to be times in a 12 week period, cause I mean, we teach training cycles that are 12 weeks, so I mean, how perfect is that? Right? But it's like, at some point in that 12 week cycle, things are going to get tough, right, real life is going to happen. Your brain is going to be telling you all the things of why you're not good enough, or why this sucks, or why you should quit. What do you do in those Like can you talk about? Like when have you struggled? And like, what have you done in those times?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So week one baby I decided 12 weeks ago was Labor Day. So this was hilarious. I didn't really look at a calendar and I made this decision of like, enough is enough, I'm going to make this a priority. We actually purchased our gym membership the week of Labor Day weekend and we tested out the gym. We went on Friday, we went to the pool and then, bam, my husband goes. You do realize that Labor Day is Monday. You have the kids at home, you know, schools not in session, all the things. Um, it was kind of one of those things where I was like, oh well, I made this decision, I'm going to do it. So we shuffled the kids around and I show up at the gym day one, and this is a lovely story that I love revisiting.
Speaker 1:I had this idea that this would be easy. I've lifted before. I'm a college athlete. Like I lifted heavy in high school. I set PRs how hard can it be?
Speaker 1:I did leg day on the first day and did myself some squats and some lunges, and did myself some squats and some lunges, which, by the way, I vividly was taken back. The negative voices came flooding back of how much I hated lunges and I felt like I was back in college grumbling because we were assigned lunges. I make it through my first workout. It was really really hard. I did all body weights and our gym has a flight of stairs to go back down to the main lobby and, as I'm feeling really wobbly, I should have seen this coming. I had my water bottle in one hand and my phone in the other hand and here I go, plopping down the stairs. I get to the last two steps and my right leg goes kabam and I completely my legs collapse. I fall down the last two stairs. I'm on my butt. I'm super embarrassed. They're concrete steps.
Speaker 1:I am totally going to have bruises from this, and I did, and I was just like, mortified of like, if this is what's happening on day one, I never want to come back to this gym again Like I'm doing body weight. Other people are looking at me. They're going to know that I'm an imposter. They need to know. I was a strong college athlete and so these negative voices had never been louder and it was just like this big smack in the face and you know this. Uh, I got in my car and I went home and I went to go play with my kids in the backyard and it happened again. I fell down the deck stairs like literally, my legs just crumpled and, um, we had a good laugh about it. I definitely had some bruises, but it was like if this is the worst that could happen to me, I'm doing it and I'm starting and I'm not stopping. And the motivation for me was like I'm really, really sore.
Speaker 2:I know that I'm going to be sore, I know that I'm going to be a beginner, and now, 12 weeks into it, I can laugh about those situations, but I was totally blindsided by how hard week one would be.
Speaker 1:So what made you keep showing up. On day two Um well, when I checked into the gym the next day, the gym manager was like hey, you okay, like you good.
Speaker 1:And uh you know, I think just not taking yourself seriously sometimes and I don't have to prove anything to anybody, I think that's been a common theme for me, um is I do feel like other people in the gym are judging me, and so my negative voice is in the third person, and so some of my negative voices are like oh my gosh, like that's weak sauce. This lift looks dumb. You know, my trainer had assigned me some, some lifts where my core and my hips, especially in my hamstrings, are really, really weak, and some of these exercises, if we would be doing them in college, like we probably would have made fun of each other because they're beginner exercises, yeah, and so I just had to remind myself of nobody really cares. The only person that matters is me, yeah, and I combat those negative thoughts by talking back, and so anytime you have negative voices I think sometimes we just listen to those negative voices you can talk back. And so if you could hop inside a mental performance coach's brain, I'm having a full-on conversation with that mean girl I call her the mean girl and my positive self-talk which it doesn't always have to be positive we can talk about. That is, I'm talking back to her of like you don't know what you're talking about. Nobody fricking cares, nobody is even watching you. You fricking got this like you're showing up and, as a mental performance coach, I find that my self-talk is very hype girl. So just keying into that, recognizing you can't change what you're not aware of.
Speaker 1:So when I'm journaling in my performance journal, I'm writing down this is a technique that you all can use. Um, a lot of mental performance coaches call it well, better how. And it's a journal technique where you use three different categories. Better how. And it's a journal technique where you use three different categories what did I do Well, what do I need to do better, and how can I use that for my next run, my next practice, my next game? I like to call them wins, mistakes, betters, but the idea is what went well, what did not go well and how are you going to make next time better?
Speaker 1:And the really cool thing about this is I have all of this logged where I can go back and see my negative thoughts, how I reframed them, um, what I use. And there's like very simple things like oh, I need to point my toes out on my sumo squats more, or, um, I want to put my hips in this position, or I realized I can't stand listening to podcasts while I'm lifting. I made special playlists, um, I wrote down, um, you know like which weights were hard, the incline that was too hard or this was too easy. So every single time I walk into the gym I have that complete confidence that I'm just getting a little bit better, every single time because I'm reflecting on.
Speaker 1:You know, what do I want to change? And every time I'm getting better, getting better, getting better, and I have this proof right, like I can go back and look at how far I've come in my weights in my journal, in my negative thoughts, my negative thoughts. I can shift them faster. Some of those negative thoughts have gone away because I don't even entertain them now. They're still there, but I'm like okay, really, this negative thought again, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and the other thing that I really want to point out that I was like hearing when you were talking too is this idea on day one, when you weren't where you want to be and when you were falling down the stairs literally right, like you basically said well, this is day one, it's only, it's only going to get better from here, and I think that that was really important, and I think that this is one of the things that a lot of people don't do, because I heard you so you comparing yourself to your previous self.
Speaker 2:Right, like previous, amanda was a college athlete and she was squatting all this weight and she was so strong and she could do all of this without a problem. And self-comparison is such a trap that we often fall into, and it leads us to jumping 10, 20, 50 steps ahead of where we are right now. And what I heard you say was that you decided in that moment to meet yourself where you are. And I think what I heard you say was that you decided in that moment to meet yourself where you are, and I think that that is such a powerful thing that most people don't even realize that's like okay, well, this is where I am and it's only going to go up from here. They have a hard time like bringing that awareness and then also bringing that acceptance to. This is where I am right now and how now I get to track and see how much better I can become.
Speaker 1:And I hope you realize how much you have helped me with that in our relationship and our friendship of that acceptance of on week one there was a lot of shame and frustration of like how could I let my body get to this? And you kept reminding me, dude, you have three kids, you birth three babies. Like you put them first, like that, there, that's what you chose and there's nothing wrong with that. And that acceptance of like I felt so much shame of like how could I let my body get to this point? Like and body dysmorphia.
Speaker 1:And you really helped me see like I was intentional. I was just being intentional in a different category and now I get to choose and what power there is in acceptance. Right, and you helped me with so much of that. And I have a lot to be proud of, because I think one of our conversations that we talk all the time about is like it can be both, but it's not this or that, and now it can be both. I can be a good mom and put my health first. The six years before that it just wasn't the right time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I think that that's so. I didn't. I didn't even realize it and I'm really glad that you were able to. You know that I was able to be helpful in in any sort of way to that, which was fantastic, but it's like I just see so many people fighting it in themselves and it's just there. It's so much of that negative self talk that is so counterproductive, like, what's the point like of fighting where you are right now Because it is what it is right, like, like and so what like? I think I guess the question would be what allowed you to like really accept that like, this is where I am and it's okay, like it is like? Was it just recognizing that this was a choice, that like, but I was making a choice to prioritize my family and now I'm making a choice to do this, or was there something more to it? I?
Speaker 1:think for me, like it's this. It goes back to this identity of like, this waking up, I guess of I felt powerless to our schedule, I felt powerless to kids not sleeping through the night, I felt powerless to my husband's work schedule, to kids not sleeping through the night. I felt powerless to my husband's work schedule. And then, when you start to realize how much power you have, I had all the power. I just had been giving it away, or giving it away to that identity of like, oh, I'm a busy mom, oh, I'm a business owner, like this is just the way that it is. And, yeah, I'll tell you, like a very I'll be vulnerable.
Speaker 1:And if we're this far into the podcast and you're still with us, one of the most, um, the biggest wake up call for me and I've had one recently too, but the biggest one was I worked with a semi-pro football team and, as a mental performance coach, it's like one of those like everybody's clapping for you like dang, like you're really making it, you're doing great things. Clapping for you like dang, like you're really making it, you're doing great things, my business is successful. And there was a professional photographer on the sidelines and I'm on the sidelines with all these big football guys and I had my fearless polo and my coaching shorts and I, you know, here I am on the sidelines and I couldn't wait to see those professional photos come back. And again, this is like really vulnerable, for whatever reason, my body dysmorphia is opposite. So I saw those pictures and I had this moment of like. I can't post these pictures. That's not me. Is that really what I look like?
Speaker 1:And it was just this like aha moment of I just had stopped looking in the mirror and being honest with myself of the decisions that I was making and like, literally, what did I have to eat that night that I went to go coach that football team? I think I went and got like curry and I had like noodles. I love Thai food and so I had like, why not order everything? I ordered the curry, I ordered the noodles and then I went to go get my venti slurpy full of sugar coffee because I was making. It was this giant wake-up call of wait.
Speaker 1:If I have the power to make these decisions, I also have the power to make the other decisions. And, yeah, that was like the final straw for me. And then, more recently you know I run my own business and I saw pictures from an event that we did in July and it was this moment of like, wow, like that's what I looked like and it wasn't who I wanted to be, it wasn't who I knew I could be, and there's some shame there. But I think it had to get to that point for me to finally do something about it, because if the pain is not big enough, then you're not going to change, and so sometimes, facing that pain, I'm not running from it anymore, I see it and I'm doing something about it.
Speaker 2:I think I had yeah, and I think that's so interesting because it's true, like I think, that so many times we decide to just settle for what is and instead of deciding on a different way of like what it could be like, because what could be seems a little bit scary, because we haven't done it, it's going to like require all this work and all this effort, and that's, I think, where it comes really back down to. What we started talking about in the first place was process versus outcome. Like it wasn't like. Oh my God, I'm seeing these pictures right now and, oh my God, I have to lose 20 pounds, 30 pounds, whatever it is. It's like I need to make a change, and so you started focusing on the actions and the behaviors that are going to lead to that change, and I think that that's really such a powerful thing. It's something that we talk to our clients all the time about, because it is those daily steps and those daily choices and I love that you use that word, because it's one of my favorites, as you know. So it's like it starts with one choice. It starts with for you, it was that choice of I'm going back to the gym. I'm going back to the gym five days a week, and that's it Right.
Speaker 2:And I think that some people jump in so to try to jump into the deep end and they're like I'm going to change everything, right, cause I think that this is another big thing that we want to talk about. Like they like see something like that, or they're they finally hit that low, whatever that low is for them Right. And it's like oh my God, I have to change my life, I have to transform. And so they try to do the exercise and the diet, and they're running and they're lifting and they're doing all the things and all of a sudden, three weeks later, they're burnt out, they're injured, they're like screw this, it's not worth it, and they go back to where they were before. And so I mean, I don't know like what you want to kind of go from there, but like I just think that you making that one decision, that's where the power lies, totally.
Speaker 1:But weeks one through four, I knew like that micro goal for me is like I just need four weeks in this process. And there was no Angie, there was no running Like there. It was literally just go to the gym, get your lifts. We were still eating chicken nuggets, we were still going out to eat. Like I didn't change anything but showing up at the gym. Yeah, and because I had built that habit, now, in week 12, I'm really starting to say like, okay, I'm seeing changes in the gym. Yeah, I wanted to feel stronger.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I noticed is I wasn't getting enough protein and so I, with your help too, I started. I love Greek yogurt and I eat Greek yogurt for breakfast, but what if I started adding more fruit? What if I started? I have protein oats now and getting a protein powder and things like that. But like I didn't go out week one, change my diet, buy the protein powder, buy a new pair of shoes which this is a fun story too I didn't even have headbands like my entire college career. I have all these wispy hairs and I said, okay, if I can complete one week of workouts, I'm walking myself to the sports store and I'm getting myself a new pair of headbands. Now, do you always need extrinsic motivation? No, but that was like a little impetus for me of like I'm going to treat myself to some headbands. For what? Literally just showing up to the gym for one week. Super simple, micro goals.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that there's so much power in that and I think that that's one of the biggest things that actually leads to that long-term change. And people, I think they think that it's not going to be big enough. Right, they think that if I just show up to the gym, it's not going to be enough, I'm not going to see results fast enough, and like, here you are, 12 weeks later. You started with that one habit and then you habit stacked right. You started with that one, and then that led to healthier eating, and then that led to, oh, let me get on the treadmill, and then that led to, like all these other things, more protein, whatever. And it's only 12 weeks, like three months.
Speaker 2:When you think about it in the long term, that's such a short amount of time and you're feeling so much different, you know now, just because you started with that one thing. And I think that, like, if there's nothing else that people hear from this episode, it's like pick one thing, that's it. And like, start really small, master that, not that you have to master it, but like be consistent with that one thing for a certain amount of time before you start adding on all of these other things. So, with that being said, let's talk about running. Oh, you have more.
Speaker 1:So, before we dive into the running which I know, you know, I had to know exactly where you're going with this.
Speaker 1:Other mental skills. That's really powerful is you look at week one, but then you zoom out to playing the long game. Another really powerful mental school mental skill or mental tool is knowing your why. You and I had a conversation about this of like we let the world tell us what our why should be right. Like I want to look beautiful, I want to be skinny, I want to do this for my kids, and I actually had this conversation with you of like, am I, I'm I'm going to be selfish with this, my why, and I'll read it to you my why for me, it's now or never.
Speaker 1:I'm ready to be strong again and feel good in my body and have more energy in my day when things get really, really hard. And I go back to my why do I want those things? Do I want to feel better and have more energy? Absolutely. And back to the comment about, um, you know, like, being on the sidelines of the football game. It was this realization of like I'm not tired and sluggish because my kids aren't sleeping through the night and I'm busy. I'm tired and sluggish because of my diet and I'm scrolling on my phone till 1am, and that was also a big wake up call for me. So, um, going, yeah, going back and forth between micro goals and then playing the long game. I knew that if I just got that week one to week four, I knew that it would eventually flip over, and my why also helped with that.
Speaker 2:How did you know that it would eventually flip over just because you've been doing it this long?
Speaker 1:Well, it goes back to the definition of confidence. The definition of confidence I trusted myself that if I just started, I knew I would fall in love with it again. Which full disclosure if any of my former coaches listened to this. The last place AB wanted to be was in the weight room. I dreaded the weight room, I hated the weight room, and now it's like my favorite place to be. And this is a perfect segue for what you want to ask me next. Is this curiosity right? Like this curiosity of like how strong could I get, how far could I run?
Speaker 2:So where did the running come in? Because, like you and I have been friends for years now and you're like, I'm not a runner. I'm not a runner Like this is why it's, you know, taken years to even have you on the podcast, because it's like you know, I'm like. So tell me more like about this running. Where did this curiosity come from?
Speaker 1:Well. So before the curiosity comes in, I want you guys to understand that if you don't know, the sport of softball from home to first is 60 feet. So for the first 18 years of my life actually, if you count college, you know 22 years of my life all of our coaches said you only have to run 60 feet. We're not runners, softball players aren't runners. You just have to sprint to first or, you know, crack a home run and you can just jog around the bases. And um, in college, the most I ever ran was two miles. It was called the Hillcrest Hill and it was downhill and uphill, so it was like a little scoop in the road as a country road. You got to the peak of the hill and then you had to turn around. That was one mile. You went to this and I, you know, small town college, it was somebody's mailbox, so we had to touch their mailbox and run back down this gravel road and that was two miles. And it's this identity of like I don't know why this belief was instilled in me of like. Well, softball players aren't runners. So therefore I believed it, and there was never a curiosity there, because it was forced. Here's your workout get it done, or else here's running a punishment two miles, get it done, right. And there was never any fun with that. And so, um, for me there was a definite aversion, like why would I need to hop on a treadmill? Why do I need to run? Um, and you, you're like, well, what if you, what if you did run a half marathon with me? And up until now it was like that is not even possible for my body, and so hence the curiosity.
Speaker 1:I remember the first time I hopped on a treadmill. During this process, I told myself, because I go to the gym five days a week, three of those days are lifting, so what am I going to do on the other two days? And I was terrified to go into a group fitness class. After going through Monday and falling down the stairs, I was like I am not putting myself in a group fitness class, we are not going to expose myself to that level of embarrassment again. So I hopped on a treadmill by myself, had no idea what I was doing, and I said, okay, I'm just going to walk for 30 minutes. Yeah, no incline, just walking. It took me 30 minutes to walk 1.15 miles and I was heaving, it was hard. And again here. This was Wednesday, so this was day three of this journey. And again, here comes all this shame of like you're huffing and puffing to walk a mile in 30 minutes. My PR for a mile in my prime was like eight something. My PR for a mile in my prime was like eight something, and again it was.
Speaker 1:You helped me to see this. Of like, well, of course, like, this is where you're at, just keep using that as a benchmark. And so every Wednesday, I, instead of saying like I have to go X amount of miles, and even my husband kind of fell into that trap he's like what if you ran a mile? Or what if you did a mile? And it's like well, what point is that? I wanted to have a. It was like a science experiment for me. So every Wednesday for the past 12 weeks, I tell myself I'm going to be on this treadmill for 30 minutes and what I found out was this curiosity started to happen of like, can I beat that and can I beat that? And can I beat that and can I beat that and can I beat that? And, um, you kind of called me out on this.
Speaker 1:Uh, one of my cross country athletes, uh, one of my clients. She runs cross country and the curiosity comes up again of like, hmm, how far are your cross country meets? Well, coach, it's a 5k. I'm like, okay, cool, how far is 5k, 3.1 miles. So here comes the curiosity of like, hmm, I could do two miles, why not three?
Speaker 1:So just this, like allowing it to be fun instead of torture or frustration, um, I mean, like I genuinely don't dread it. And now I'm to the point where, um, like this last Wednesday I think, I ran two miles without stopping, and it didn't matter what the time was, I was really fricking proud of that. And then I did end up doing a 5k for the first time ever, and I remembered texting you. I'm like, I'm really proud of this, like this body has never ran in her entire life more than two miles and I just did three miles and I'm not dying, like I am getting stronger, and so, um, the other thing that I think has obviously helped is and again this goes back to the performance journal I know what I need and I need some, some pump up music, like some nineties, some 2000,. Some Rihanna, some Alicia Keys, some T Swift. And like I genuinely am really kind of scared of this runner's high, because I'm really starting to like it.
Speaker 2:Look out, yeah, look out. But I think I mean, you've tapped into one of my favorite emotions of like. Curiosity, to me, is one of the most powerful things that we can tap into, especially when it comes to our health and fitness, because curiosity automatically removes judgment, right? So, instead of you like well, that's where you started, right With the judgment of like, oh, my God, I can't believe. 30 minutes, 1.15 miles and I'm already huffing and puffing. Like our brains just automatically go to judgment, right. And I think that that's something that is so important for people to hear, because a lot of times people think that they're the only ones that, like, have that type of negative self-talk. Like they're I'm the only one.
Speaker 2:I remember a client that I worked with years ago and she came into the program and, you know, watched one of our mental training videos and she wrote a comment underneath about how she's like I'm 62 years old and I, for my entire life, I thought that the negative voices in my head were just me, like something was wrong with me. I didn't realize that everyone had this and I was blown away by that because, you know, you and I are obviously immersed in this whole world of physical and mental development and personal development. And so it's just like oh yeah, of course you know, like there's this negativity bias, we all have negative voices, like it's just seems so obvious to us but it's not to most people. And that's the craziest thing, and it's that allowing those negative voices to be there it's not that you have to fight them or rewrite them or make them positive. It's like, okay, yeah, they're, they're allowed to be there.
Speaker 2:But what if like and I love the what if like cause the what if it just invokes that curiosity. And then you're like, okay, yeah, that was hard, but what if I could get better? Or like I wonder what I could do. Like you know this could be fun. What if this was fun? You know what if I did actually enjoy this?
Speaker 1:So do you remember the comment I made about being stuck to you? Did I text this to you or did I tell you this? I said, I'm stuck at this pace, do you?
Speaker 2:remember.
Speaker 1:Yes, I do. I like two mile. It's like my two mile pace. And you're like, uh, how many times have you hit that number? Twice, only two times. And I'm already falling into, like I'm stuck at this level. It's like, okay, is this what running is like? Is this are you? Hey guys, if you're listening to this and you're like, yes, this is a real thing, I'm only two two times into this, like running two miles.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it was so funny to me, cause it's like, but that's where our brain wants to go, right, it's like I'm just stuck here, I'm plateaued. Why am I not making progress? And every runner hits that point at you know, in in the running journey. Cause when you first start running beyond two, right Like. But here's what happens. Like when you first start running, you make all this progress at the beginning, right Like. It's just naturally what happens.
Speaker 2:And this is Kevin and I joke about it all the time with our cross country kids. Cause it's like when you get a freshman in, like the only thing, the only our job as coaches is to make sure they don't get injured, make sure that they don't do something stupid, because they're going to naturally get better. And then you have to actually put some more. Not that we don't coach them, because of course we coach them as freshmen too, but when they get older and they've been running for years, then it becomes much more intentional to get them to progress more. But at the beginning of any runner journey, same thing with lifting, right Like you're going to get stronger, you're going to get, you're going to get better.
Speaker 2:And then there's some point where people start to plateau and they're like it's that same pace, it's that same distance, it's that same whatever. And then they're like oh, I just have to push harder, I just have to push harder, I just have to keep doing more, doing more. And it's like, well, no, it's okay that you've hit the same thing twice now, twice, yeah. But I think that that's where that consistency comes in and where that again, that curiosity of like, oh okay, it's okay that this is happening and this is where I am, and what do I need to do to keep progressing? It's those questions that you ask yourself that to do to keep progressing Right Like. It's those questions that you ask yourself that can lead to a lot more clarity.
Speaker 1:But it all goes back to this first domino of. Like the me of a year ago, couldn't even fathom even having this conversation with you. Yeah, no business being on the real life runners podcast.
Speaker 2:You have every business. I've just been waiting for it. I yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited and just like I think it it has me excited to like see you in person. I think you know, every time I came to visit you or we would meet up at a business event, it was like, yeah, angie's going to get her workout in and I'm just snuggled up in my bed, I'm going to sleep in, right at the retreat you know at at our business conferences and, um, it's definitely the curiosity of like I can't help but like look over at the person running on the treadmill next to me, like it's the athlete that's coming back out in me and I literally am looking forward to working out with you when we go to Arizona. And I'm like, hey, what if I could run on the beach when I come to Florida next time? That's the it's. I'm I'm afraid to admit this Like that's how scary the curiosity is. It's like, what am I getting into? Like it's exciting and scary at the same time. What is Angie going to?
Speaker 2:sign me up for Well, but what scares you about it?
Speaker 1:Who am I Right? Like like it's. I think the brain self-sabotages and I know this as a mental performance coach is like this is new. My brain is going like this isn't you, and so every new level is going to require a new level of identity, and I'm I'm seeing that firsthand and this has definitely made me a better coach, a better, a better mental performance coach. Yeah, I'm very open and vulnerable. I post this on Instagram and to my stories and I don't sugarcoat things, and a lot of my clients and my athletes are messaging me and they're like you have negative thoughts too. I'm like yeah, I do this work for a living and I still experience these things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're always going to. We're never gonna get rid of them, and that's what I think that's. One of the biggest myths out there is that you can just rewire your brain and then you'll never have these thoughts again. It's not that. That's not how it works. Like you're still gonna have the thoughts. You just get much better at recognizing them, recognizing them quicker and then knowing what to do about them. Right, like, and that's what I'm hearing from you is like you are taking everything. Like those thoughts keep popping in, they start to get a little bit quieter, they start to get get a little bit less frequent, they start to change and to shift a bit into, like, the next level. Right, like, as you, as you move on to the next level of your fitness. But I think that's where it goes back to, not only just that one habit, but that identity right Of.
Speaker 2:Like you said it's scary because you're like who am I now? Like this is not, like I would never. I would never call myself a runner. Like, don't even know that Angie's a runner, but I am definitely not a runner. And it's like yeah, I do call myself a runner and it did take me a long time to call myself that you know that as well. Like I was the same thing. I hated running, running was punishment. Like I definitely did not think of myself as a runner. I had Kevin to compare to. Like Kevin is a runner, kevin's a real runner. You know, like, I'm just over here running my little, you know five Ks and 10 Ks, whatever.
Speaker 2:But like the thing about it is that when I zoomed out, kind of like what you were talking about before is, not only am I a runner and I don't know if maybe this will help you but overall my identity is I'm a strong and healthy person and that's what I always go to. And it's like, as a strong and healthy person, I run, I lift weights, I eat healthy. Like I do all of these actions and these habits Right. But when it gets scary, you don't have to, like all of a sudden change your identity into becoming, like I'm a runner, I'm a half marathoner, cause you know I, you will be, I know you will be, it's going to be fun to run that first half marathon with you, but right now you're just a strong and healthy person and that's that's going to lead you to doing those things and to make those things feel more real, like going back to that.
Speaker 2:You know identity has to be real, like I'm a strong and healthy person. That's real right now. You know and like, and then it can kind of morph into like what actions does a strong and healthy person do? There's lots of choices, right, like obstacle course races or gravel races or half marathons or ultras or triathlons. Like there's so many different options and you can kind of go and do and be whatever you want.
Speaker 1:I have a really good book recommendation that I think is weaved throughout this conversation. For those of you that are readers, trevor Moad is a great inspiration to me. He's since passed, but his book it Takes what it Takes talks a lot about the things that we've talked about today, where, when you create, he calls it your personal ad campaign. Again, it can be called lots of different things, um, but it's the idea of going back to this. And he talks a lot about the idea of neutral thinking, of like it doesn't have to feel flowery or fake, or I am the greatest, it's just. It all goes back to your mental ability. All comes back to your identity, what you're telling yourself, what you're believing, and just every day and this is the book title it takes what it takes. Like every day you're making those decisions.
Speaker 1:Does this align with my choices? Does this align with my identity? And not to simple doesn't mean easy, right, like simple. Yes, it's simple, but you still have to do the work. Yeah, and the first step really is awareness. And so, um, for me, like I've been doing mental performance for the past five to six years and putting that together with the physical side, like, can I get a redo. Can I go back and play college with what I know now, mentally like I had it all. Physically I was a lean, mean fighting machine Like, yeah, could I do a redo please, knowing what I know now?
Speaker 2:that'd be awesome, I know, but that's why you do what you do now is so that you can help the younger generation to have what you didn't have, so that they can elevate even more. Yeah, didn't have, so that they can elevate even more. Yeah, and that's a beautiful thing, so good. I, as you guys know, I mean we could talk all day about this stuff, which is so fun, but we should probably get to wrapping this up and bring you back for part two down down the road and get an update. But what do you want to leave us with? Right Cause we talked about a lot of stuff today. So, if you want to leave us with like a little summary, one or two things, what do you want to leave us with, because we talked about a lot of stuff today? So, if you want to leave us with a little summary, one or two things, what do you want to leave us with? Or what have we not talked about that you want to talk about? How do we want to wrap this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it all goes back to stand in your power and that's kind of been like a personal mantra of mine and your power and that's kind of been like a personal mantra of mine. Literally everything in life boils down to where's your power in this, and I have a sticky note on my computer. It's lived here for I don't know how many years, but it's a question that is just a quick little check in when am I giving my power away? And we all do it and I think once you ask yourself that question, you get to regain your power. Like you are so powerful. If I could shout from the rooftops.
Speaker 1:I mean, I serve a lot of youth athletes, so I'm working with a lot of teenagers and if I could just have. Like my sole mission in life is to show others how amazing and powerful they already are. You have everything you need inside of you and obviously, like this really hits for teens, um, but even as adults, like I think somewhere along the lines we grow up and we just like give our power away to the world, to politics, to circumstances and all these things, and it's like gosh, like you are so powerful and you don't need anything additional. It's like all inside of you, it's just a choice. So if I could, I would tell my past self that message. I'm going to tell my future self that message. I'm going to tell all my friends and family that message Like, if I can just inspire one person in this world to like regain their power and just like radiate who they were meant to be in this world, that's not just running, like that's your life.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Well, you've done that for me, so you've already hit your one, because, like, that's definitely one of the impacts that you've had on my life amongst the many. But I agree, and I think that just that question brings awareness right. Going back to that awareness of where am I giving my power away? Becoming aware of it is the first step, and then that is going to allow you to then make the choice, that one choice. It doesn't have to be 10 choices, it has to be one choice. Start doing that one thing, meet yourself where you are and then add on from there.
Speaker 1:Stand in your power Amen. Shine your light on all the things.
Speaker 2:Amen. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. This has been so fun. Where can our listeners find you and connect with you? Um, talk a little bit more about, like you know who. Who do you serve? Who do you help?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I primarily work with youth athletes. So typically I'll say anywhere from preteen to teen to college. We work with a lot of softball athletes. We do work with other sports. Um, I have a couple of one-on-one clients. You know MLB. Um, if you're looking for one-on-one support, you're looking for a mental skills training program as an athlete. Um, our program is called the fearless warrior program. It's 12 mental skills that every athlete should know and have in their toolkit. Um, and we're really active on Instagram. So a lot of um fun stuff. We have a podcast as well. We post, you know, motivational quotes and, um, we talk about all the things that we talked about today. So if you want more of that in your algorithm, um, it's at fearless fast pitch, um, and I'm sure you'll link it below. But Instagram is kind of the fun place to be and you can watch my stories. Who knows, I might fall down the stairs again. It's really entertaining.
Speaker 2:Or you know, hit that half marathon and we can all celebrate you. So it'd be fun Girl.
Speaker 1:you know, I'll be posting about that when it happens. Not if when.
Speaker 2:Oh, there it is. You guys heard it here first. She said it not if, but when. I love it, all right. Well, thanks for being here and, yeah, go connect with Amanda and we'll catch you guys on the next episode, see ya.
