The Fearless Warrior Podcast

087: How Mental Health Intersects with Mental Performance with Alex Hinger, LMHP

• Amanda Schaefer

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month: 

In this week's episode, I share a parent workshop from 2023 with Alex (Madsen) Hinger, LMHP. We discussed the importance of mental health on and off the field for players and parents!

Episode Highlights:

• Breathing techniques provide immediate anxiety regulation
• Reframing thoughts provides productive thinking
• Guided meditation grounds athletes in the present moment
• Sleep hygiene is vital for mental health
• Positive reinforcement from parents builds the self-esteem buffer

Connect with Alex:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/alex-madsen-omaha-ne/1017784


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the fearless warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success, so if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode. Okay, so we're going to use the chat tonight. We're also going to be unmuting and we really have saved a lot of time for Q&A tonight. So I'm really glad that you guys are here and, for those of you guys that are watching on the replay, as always this will live inside the Fearless Warrior portal.

Speaker 1:

So tonight I have a good friend of mine who is actually local to Nebraska. Her name is Alex Madsen. She is a licensed mental health practitioner, which means that on the other side of the mental world we have mental performance and we have mental health. So Alex actually works in counseling and she specializes in anxiety, depression and grief counseling, and so tonight I thought it would be a great resource for her to kind of talk about some of those topics that we tend to shy away from and that I'm not trained in. So, alex, I'm so excited to have you.

Speaker 1:

Tonight we're going to be talking about tools to help your athlete with anxiety, which can fall on so many different spectrums. So, alex, I'm so excited for you to educate our warrior parents tonight, or warrior parents tonight, Um, while we, before we get started too, I wanted to have you guys. If you guys can type in the chat, um, say your name and where you're tuning in from, and then how about your athlete's age, and that will kind of help Alex as well. Um, and then, if you have questions, alex, while you're kind of presenting and talking and asking questions, I will also keep an eye on the chat, okay perfect.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's so nice to see everyone and thanks for joining tonight. I know it's a Thursday night at seven, sometimes it's hard, but, um, I am excited to talk about a subject that I love and, um, anxiety can be pretty complex. Um, so today we're just honing in on, like Amanda said, just athlete athletes and focusing on them, because anxiety can run from like diagnosed anxiety to where you might need some medication or additional support. So, of course, if any of your athletes fall in those categories, um, you can ask questions, reach out to me and we can get them help. But for just the baseline, um, performance anxiety is what we're going to talk about today. So I'm going to go through just quick tools, give a brief overview of what to look for for what anxiety presents itself like tools on how to help support them, and then we'll go to questions. So pretty easy. And then we'll go to questions. So pretty easy, okay, so when anxiety isn't always bad so I think the word anxiety can feel like a bad word at times, like I have anxiety. Oh, no, so anxiety is not always bad. It keeps us safe.

Speaker 2:

I think when we have mild anxiety, it really drives us to be motivated, to be successful, to practice more, to want to be confident. So having that little ounce of anxiety is actually helpful. It's when it gets to more of like moderate severe is when we need to be careful. Like, how does it not control our lives and our wellbeing, Um, and doesn't impact our performance on the field? Um, so sometimes anxiety can be a distraction. Um, it can help us. It usually focuses on the outcome rather than the execution. So we really want to focus on what are we doing right now. We're about to bat, we're about to pitch, we're about to be a first baseman, whatever it is in the realm of softball, instead of focusing on how, what's the possible end? Like I'm going to fail at this game, we're going to lose, like not focusing there but just focusing on the here and now. So when we have that higher anxiety, usually our focus goes to the execution or the sorry, the end, and when we should really be focusing on the execution, it often decreases motivation when we have high anxiety and pushes us into that fight, flight freeze, which you'll hear a lot when you're talking about anxiety, that fight, flight freeze, which you'll hear a lot when you're talking about anxiety. Like, do we fight through it? Do we run away, do we freeze and not do anything.

Speaker 2:

So when we think about our athletes and us as individuals, oftentimes anxiety presents itself physically, emotionally. So you can have muscle tension, you can have rapid breathing, rapid heart racing, sweating, chills. Oftentimes, if you move too quickly, you make errors, you have aggression. So we've all been in a place where we've been frustrated and I used to play softball too. So if I don't hit the ball or I don't catch as the third baseman, so if I didn't catch the ball when it went by me, like sometimes it would cause me to be upset, so I throw my bat or throw my glove and like that. In itself, the aggression side is actually anxiety. It's like undealt with anxiety that's built up because we haven't used strategies to maintain it.

Speaker 2:

So what do we do? How do we help ourselves? How do we help our athletes? So I'm going to go through about. I have about seven points here of how we can quickly help our athletes. So number one we want to normalize it. Anxiety, again, isn't a bad word, it's not a bad thing. So talking about it, reminding each other that it's okay to have anxiety, it's okay to talk about anxiety, so really having a normalizing attitude about it will help one another and your children to feel safe to talk about it when they are feeling it children to feel safe to talk about it when they are feeling it. Number two is practicing breathing techniques. So breathing is probably one of the best, most useful strategies when dealing with anxiety.

Speaker 2:

Um, so I have three breathing techniques that are really quick um, in the moment, that you can use like on the field, or then there's a couple we can use at home. So the one on the field is called box breathing. So I like to use my palm on my hand because it's kind of shaped like a box. So what you do is the top of your box you breathe in for five seconds. The side of your box you're going to hold it. The bottom of your box, you're going to breathe out and then the other side you're going to hold it. I'll tied with this. Sometimes I like to tie like a mantra or a word of encouragement to myself so it's going to be okay. And then I repeat that all five sides, whatever you feel like, you need to tell yourself um, tying your breathing to like a positive affirmation is helpful.

Speaker 2:

Another breathing technique is called belly breathing. So this is when you would lay on the ground. You would, you could put a couple books on your belly to be able to visualize it, and you want to watch your diaphragm expand up and expand down and again practicing those five second breaths in and five second exhale, and then one that's similar, it's just called belly balloon. So it's just different visualizations of how do I like visualize breathing. So like you want to have a balloon expand and a balloon deflate. So another, just picture whatever would be helpful. Sorry if I'm going so fast.

Speaker 2:

I tend to talk really quickly so I can always go back to anything at the end. If you guys have questions and want me to repeat different techniques. Okay. So number three is our thoughts. So how do we reframe our thoughts? Because, again, we tend to focus on the end and the what ifs and the fear versus, okay, the here and now. How do I bring myself back to center? Um, so, identifying. The first step in that is just identifying what are my fears, what are my worries, talking about them with someone safe, whether it's a coach, a parent, a friend and then how do you appropriately prepare coping skills? So, okay, if our worst case is we lose the game, how, what are we going to be okay? What's our strategies If that is does, if that does happen? So sometimes that's helpful is to prepare for the worst case scenario and remind ourselves we're going to be okay if we lose this game. We're going to be okay if we miss the ball and strike out. It sucks, but we're going to be okay.

Speaker 2:

Being kind to ourselves sounds really cheesy, but we are our own worst critics. So oftentimes I have my clients make a list of all their negative thoughts and then I have them say them out loud to me as if they were saying it to like their little sister or a nephew or a niece. So they tie it to someone else and all my clients are like no, I don't want to say that to them. And of course not. We don't say the things we say to ourselves to other people. So why do we give ourselves permission to talk the way we do to ourselves, so being aware of what are our negative thoughts repeating in our head? And how do we switch them to be more kind to ourselves and then practicing gratitude. So how do we be grateful for the things that we have the coaches we have the teammates, we have the opportunity to play. Even a simple gratitude in the morning and at night or just once a day, goes a long ways. It feels cheesy and doesn't feel like it makes a big impact, but gratitude really does shape, reshape our minds to be more positive and intentional.

Speaker 2:

And then point number four is practicing mindfulness. So this is probably a newer. Within the last five, 10 years, mindfulness has really blown up in the world of like how do we really become grounded and centered in ourselves? And I don't have um techniques to like, really share with you, but I ha. The best resource for me has been YouTube, honestly. So if you YouTube grounding exercises or uh, meditation or um, there's a ton on YouTube that they're just like 15, 10, 15 minute long guided meditations that walk you through visualization, slow your breathing something that is really great. Right before you play, get on the field or at night to calm yourself down, to be sure to get a good night's rest, um, that's a great technique to help with anxiety. Okay, point number five um is simply practice. So, as athletes, sometimes we can lack some confidence and the more we practice, the more higher our competence, confidence is going to be. So be sure to just practice, practice, make sure you go to batting practice, go to pitching practice, do your drills that the coach encourages you to do it because it continues to build that confidence.

Speaker 2:

Number six is probably the hardest for most of us is sleep hygiene. So how are we getting really good rest? Because rest impacts our entire day but really impacts our anxiety as well. So getting regular rest, trying to go to bed at the same time every night, getting up at the same time every morning, avoiding caffeine If you have high anxiety, like I would say, like moderate to severe, you probably shouldn't ever have caffeine. But if you, like me, I love caffeine and I probably have anxiety as well you for sure shouldn't have it after like a certain point, at least four to six hours before you go to bed, cut that caffeine out. Bed is only for sleeping. So don't do your homework in your bed. Try to have your student do it at a desk. That bed is really like a place where you're only supposed to sleep. That will just help with insomnia and all those things. Um, electronics is hard for all of us, not just our teenagers. But not using our phones or screens 60 minutes before bed, these are all like not taking naps, stretching before bed, just all things, to have a good sleep routine, to have a good restful sleep.

Speaker 2:

And then point number seven is to provide positive feedback to your athlete. So this will help increase self-esteem. So I know, as parents, we can be all in on the game and really cheering, really frustrated when we make errors and that's, those are all okay. But how do we also reinforce the positive affirmations in our athletes? Um, it's, we're all gonna, it's just expected. We get wrapped up in the feelings of um, frustrated at what happens at the game, but there's also so many good things that happen, um, so really focusing on those positive affirmations, um, cause. This will build their self-esteem and it lessens their own negative thoughts on cause. They're already our athletes are already feeling it. They're already beating themselves up from the errors that they make. So having coaches and parents and teammates reinforce those negative things that they're already feeling is going to make that go even deeper. And so how do we avoid that? And and um.

Speaker 2:

And then my last um, just like a closing thought that I have for all of us, um, myself included, is how are everyone around us, but especially our teens and children, like? They are great observers, and so the way we present our own anxiety really impacts those around us. So, as parents, how do we be aware of our own needs and our own anxieties in order to ensure that we're not imposing those on our on our children and athletes? So making sure we're taking care of ourselves and having again, it's okay to talk about anxiety, but how, how do we make sure that our own anxiety doesn't impose on our athletes? Um, that was all I had prepared, and so now I'm really excited just to hear what you guys if you have guys have questions, um, clarification on anything. The floor is now open.

Speaker 1:

I love what you said about sleep hygiene and, uh, not doing other things in your bed. I think for the college athletes that I coach, they're even hopping on coaching calls in their dorm rooms on their bed and so we're processing things and they're I know they do homework and so that's. I mean, these are just really simple things that, unless somebody else holds them accountable, I had never thought about it that way. Yeah, Sleep is sacred.

Speaker 2:

It is, it really is, and if it becomes like, if you work in your bed, do homework in your bed, when you try to go to sleep at night, you're you're already probably mind's racing with all these things you should be doing, but then, especially if this is like where you also get things done, it's yeah, it's good to have that separation.

Speaker 1:

I need to leave my phone on my desk after tonight. That's what I need to do. Who else is guilty? Please tell me. I'm not the only one.

Speaker 2:

I see some hand raises. Yeah, mine too. I'm literally sitting in a bed right now, so I'm not preaching, practicing what.

Speaker 1:

I'm preaching. Well, this is really awesome time for you guys to ask questions of Alex, um and just um. I know that this is like a tougher topic as far as anxiety and some of the other things that Alex is is trained in, so please don't feel like we have to stick to this um topic either. So, um, we have 10 to 15 minutes still for you guys just to ask questions, so we wanted to leave time and space for that.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, hey, coach, um, I, I guess we have been really trying to implement and utilize as much as possible Um self one, self two that you talked to them about, um, oh, it was, you know, in January or something like that. Um, but um, we, so she, just she just qualified for state track in um, uh, in long jump and triple jump, so we're super excited about that. She's doing it, you know on the field and you know in other sports as well. But I just wanted to give you props for that, because it is. It doesn't just work for um softball, it has been working for her in track and um, battling injuries and battling um the aches and pains. But then, like legit, she broke her butt bone. So now we're battling that and then you jump into a pit on your butt every single time. It's not comfortable. So we've really been talking about um, you know, mind over matter and and rising above the pain, even though I know it hurts, you know, and she and she did it through the pain and she really did it through self-talk and saying, okay, I can do this.

Speaker 3:

So thank you for that coaching, thank you for giving her the skills that she needed to be successful, and I do like the grounding exercises that you just talked about, because I do. I'm a school nurse so I have to deal with a lot of kids having anxiety attacks. It's happening more and more. These kids are struggling and so you know that is something that I can give them as a great tool that they can do even in class, instead of having to come and see me. They can do that right there on their palm and they don't have to come and see me and do like a breathing grounding thing that I give them when they are having problems. So thank you for that. I really do appreciate those, those new skills that you are talking about tonight. So thank you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're welcome. That's awesome. And Alex, I know um, I know our guest speakers in our workshop attendees, and the cool thing is is that both of Alex's nieces have have trained with me. But, um, we, I didn't know that you could do and that makes sense. The physical side we teach box breathing inside the program and so this is why I love doing these. That's just yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it's nice to have it like on your person, like I can take this anywhere. My, my technique is right with me all the time. What?

Speaker 1:

else do you guys have? Um, this might be premature, but if you guys want to unmute, what, what was your biggest takeaway from tonight? And I know sometimes, um, like in my mind, sometimes simple wins. And so I think, um, going back, like my biggest takeaway tonight is the sleep is sacred and the sleep hygiene. And we're like, yeah, no, duh, that's simple, but do I do it? If I'm going to teach my girls to do it, my one-on-one clients to do it, am I doing it? And so simple wins. And so I think we immediately skipped to yeah, yeah, I know this, but what's the difference between knowing and doing? That's my biggest takeaway. Anyone else have a takeaway?

Speaker 3:

um, okay, I'll talk again. We love it. This is what happens when you get um anyways, um. I think.

Speaker 3:

I think that another thing that kids really struggle with um these days is showing is showing themselves grace and um, being willing to say um or short, have short-term memory loss where you're like, okay, that didn't work out for me, but I got. You have to focus on this attempt, this attempt at that, this attempt at the runway. Whatever the case may be, what's in the past is in the past and you can't change it. All you can do is focus on the task at hand and go after it and be willing to learn from the failures that you've had, because that's how we all learn is through failure and being willing to give yourself grace and willing to be able to be happy with failure, because that's how you're going to learn. So my biggest takeaway tonight is probably the hand thing. So my biggest takeaway tonight is probably the hand thing. And and then also just being kind to yourself, because we all are just human and we all are going to have our failures, we're all going to have our mistakes, and it's I tell my kids all the time.

Speaker 3:

There is one thing in life that you get to control. You don't get to control somebody else. You don't get to control somebody else. You don't get to control somebody else's reactions. The only thing you get to control is you and your reaction to any given situation. So don't don't be hard on yourself, don't make a big production out of it. Take a deep breath and go again. That's what you get to control, that's true.

Speaker 1:

We do whoops on our athlete calls all the time, so it feels funny.

Speaker 1:

By the way we are, we are going to do a screenshot tonight. If you haven't been to a parent workshop yet, all the girls get to do fun screenshots. We will do a screenshot at the end of this, but I I want to leave more space. If you guys have a question for Alex or myself, we're here to support you guys. Alex, I have a question. What, uh, in your private practice, do you work with a lot of athletes and how? How would a parent know that it's time to seek out additional support beyond just mental performance? How do they know? You know, I know how to refer as a professional, but how do, how would a parent figure that out of? Maybe they do need counseling, maybe we do need to seek out additional support.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I see a couple of athletes, I see a number of teenagers in general, and I think all of them benefit from just basic support in all aspects.

Speaker 2:

But on an anxiety side, I think, when it it disrupts their wellbeing for a long period of time. And these strategies that we've talked about tonight, if you've tried breathing and talking it out and good sleep, limiting screen time, limiting caffeine, if you tried those things and not even have, you don't even have to exhaust those things Like, but if you've attempted, I would say, then at that point, if, if they aren't, if it's really affecting their school success and their mental success like usually when you are wore down from anxiety, it will come out overly emotional, overly sensitive, whether it's like, um, what's a slow or fast temper? Um, those kinds of things. So I don't think it's ever a bad time, even at the beginning, to seek out help, cause obviously having additional supports around them is great. But that would be the point when I would definitely recommend is when it's like a long term and it just you guys can't just catch.

Speaker 2:

Get a break from it that's helpful yeah, I have a question for the parents. Does that ever happen? So what do you guys like? What is the hardest part of when you see your athlete on the field or at a track meet and they're feeling defeated, like what is that like for you as a parent? Like what do you? I know tonight was like hopefully to help you with anxiety stuff, but what are what do you struggle with in those moments when you watch your kids out there? Nothing, no one struggles with anything. Wow, just kidding, matthew starts.

Speaker 1:

T-ball in June. So my five-year-old I'm about to enter that world. Not there yet.

Speaker 4:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Jen's got one.

Speaker 5:

So I think I I feel bad because I know the work that that they put in right, and you're always there putting in the work and some days it's just not your day and I feel bad. But I'm always like, hey, it's all right. Like next week we know what we need to work on and we just turn it into a positive. Like, hey, now we know what to do to work on and we just turn it into a positive. Like, hey, now we know what to do next week. Like how to put it into the schedule. Like, okay, we did a lot of hitting and you did good in hitting, but you didn't do good in fielding, so maybe we'll spend more time on fielding this week. Um, and you know, you still just have bad days. Some, um days it's not, it's just not your day.

Speaker 5:

Good example was their coach had passed away the week before their first tournament this year and they came out and the girls they did the best that they could, but it wasn't a good tournament. They didn't play as well as they did, but they gave 110% of their 110% that they had, but they knew that he'd want them to be on the field and playing and you know, some days you're not going to be 100%, no matter how much work you put in the week before. So I just try, and you know, whatever work with what we got, as best we can, and always try and find some type of a positive in whatever. But it is hard to see your kid, especially when you know on the, on the weeks you know, you're like hey, you didn't do this. So, hey, you didn't pitch as much as you should have, so kind of expected it. But on the weeks that they do, they're the harder weeks to watch them fail.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, um, I guess, as a pitcher's mom, the worst part for me is knowing when to keep quiet and when not to keep quiet. The worst part for me is knowing when to keep quiet and when not to keep quiet and ash has done learned my pacing of where I'm going and what I'm doing, so she looks for me, but sometimes I just have to go hide from her yeah, that's fair yeah, yep, we know pictures.

Speaker 1:

no, we're a different breed, that's for sure.

Speaker 3:

I think for me, as a mom of an athlete and a former colleg an athlete, but it's also, I mean, I think it's 10 times harder as a parent to watch my kids struggling, um than it was for me to have my own struggles, um and uh, and what to say at the right time. But something that I've always um told her is and told my boy, is that this, this is a moment in time, um, this does not define you. This does not determine how well or um, how far you can go with this thing. Um, and everybody has bad days. Everybody has bad days and it's okay to have a bad day. It's not okay to let that bad moment in time ruin a whole entire day.

Speaker 3:

So, um, you know, we just really we really try to um encourage the kids to uh say oh and let it go and um move on with onto the next, next thing that you got to do. Um, it's okay to be disappointed, and if you're not disappointed, then there's something wrong with that. But, um, but it's not okay to um turn it into a woe is me day? Or um, bring down the rest of the team or anything like that. It cannot affect you the rest of the day and it cannot affect your teammates for the rest of the day. So have your moment, then let it go. It has to go.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so good. Yeah, it's good. It's like how you said that you can't, you can only control you. So, as parents, you want to be able to like, control the everything and be there for them, but you, you can only control you. And that's the hard, that's the hard part.

Speaker 1:

This was awesome. Alex, thank you for your time. Um, we do want to be mindful of your time and I I say that always um, thank you parents for being here and um, I think this says a lot to the fact that you know. I'm looking at some of you guys that have been in our community for literally years now, which is really cool. Um, and just this is a really special thing. So, alex, thank you. Um, I'd like to bring in more of these topics. Um, and Alex will also be helping with our retreat in July, or in-person retreat that I'm excited about, in lots of different capacities. So, thank you guys, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Alex. Yes, thank you, it was great to meet everyone. All right, bye guys.

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Amanda Schaefer

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