The Fearless Warrior Podcast

089: Mental Skills That Last a Lifetime with Coach Kara and Coach Marlie Davis

• Amanda Schaefer

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For this week's episode, Coach Kara interviewed her high school volleyball and softball coach, Marlie Davis. Coach Davis, better known as Coach D, shares her approach to mental skills training that helped shape athletes' mindsets long before it became mainstream in the sports world. Her 33-year coaching career across multiple sports reveals how implementing mental skills extends far beyond the playing field.

Episode Highlights:

• Daily affirmations require athletes to identify specific strengths
• Visualization sessions to help athletes "watch their own highlight reel"
• Goal-setting requires both dream goals and actionable plans
• Emphasizes the importance of letting athletes own their successes and failures
• Focuses on winning and losing "the right way" by emphasizing effort and process


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the fearless warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode, we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success, so if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode.

Speaker 2:

Hi, welcome to the podcast. We have a super special guest that is joining us today. We have Coach Marlee Davis is here in the house, and Coach Davis or Coach D as I grew up calling her is a super special guest because she was my high school softball and volleyball coach, and so I've known her for many, many years. She's been a huge influence in my life, a huge influence in my decision to coach, my huge influence in my decision to play and how I approach the game, and also in my mental skills development, and so I've invited her on today to talk with us a little bit about some of those mental skills and how she trained them with her teams. But just to introduce her, she has been a longtime coach.

Speaker 2:

She thinks it's about 33 years now that she's coached softball, she's coached basketball, she's coached volleyball at all different levels AU high school, club, rec, you name it and she's probably coached it. She played her own college ball at Western Washington University, where her daughter now plays, which is a really exciting legacy that she gets to pass on to her, and just as we were getting started to record this podcast, she told me that not only did she play college ball at Western Washington University, but she also helped start the program there. So welcome Dee, welcome coach, to the podcast. So excited to have you here. I want to start off with this story right now Tell me how you started a softball program at Western Washington University.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, well, you know it's funny because I went to college to play volleyball. That was my dream, I was going to go play, and so I went to Western and I tried out for volleyball and I made it to the last day, cuts and I I was not the choice between a lefty setter and myself, which in hindsight I would choose a lefty any day, um and anyway. So I was really heartbroken. So I was like, okay, well, you know, one door closes, another one's gonna open, so kind of forced mine open by. I was pretty floored as to why there was not a fast pitch team here at this university. They were NAIA at the time and so I there was no internet back then for me to send an email to the athletic director so I wrote this I don't know two to three page like letter to the athletic director, and I was, I remember, writing it several times to make sure my proposal was clear.

Speaker 3:

Kind of walk, set up an appointment, walked in there and I was like, hey, how can there's not a fast pitch team here? And um, uh, I and we we talked about title nine and uh, so we set forth a plan on how to make this team come to fruition. And so the first year, first couple years, we had to prove that there was legitimate interest, and so we had a lot of girls playing and it was a club format. And then, my junior year, we were able to get status as um, being able to play in a, in a league, instead of just doing these pickup games. We were actually in the league, but we were not sanctioned. And so then, finally, my senior year, we were able to start to get funding, and so, anyway, I was just telling Kara that my daughter, who's actually playing at Western and this was not by any of my, this was her choice, completely they're called Team 33.

Speaker 3:

And so we are noted as Team Negative Four, and so we were not yeah, we were not really Before we even started, right, you know, and anyway, so it's kind of nice to, it's really nice to be able to watch, like this team, you know, and and, um, in fact, another I don't know if you knew jen brandolini, if that sounds familiar at all from playing okay, sorry short. This last weekend they they inducted the western washington's university's nai 1998 team into the hall of fame because they won the national championship at NAIA level at that year and and, uh, one of my, one of our players at Bothell, jen Brandolini, was on that team.

Speaker 3:

So it's just kind of really weird full circle going oh yeah, like full circle former player and so it's a nice legacy to be able to be part of. That's awesome yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it was so great to have we had Coach D's daughter, malia was with us on a mentorship call just recently and did a great job of that. So, yeah, that's a great legacy to leave to your daughter and to other players. But so let's go ahead and dive in to kind of the reason I asked you to come here today and and this is and I've touched on it other times when I've done different podcasts or I've talked about it with Amanda before of how I feel super, super lucky because I went to Bothell high school, which is in the Seattle area in Washington state, and, um, I was lucky enough to have a coach D as well as, um, some other coaches for volleyball that that taught us mental skills before. It was like really a thing Like I had never really heard of most of these things that they, that they were teaching us and they really focused on things like visualization and goal setting and affirmations and actually taught us these things and things and implemented them into their program.

Speaker 2:

And I didn't even realize how lucky I was until later on, really, when I went on to college and things like that, and then, looking around me, I realized that not every athlete that was around me, had some of those skills in their back pocket that they were able to lean on, and so I wanted to just chat with you, dee, about where that came from. I mean, like I said, this was before a lot of the science had even been done. This was before like it was a normal thing or a usual thing. So tell me about that. What was that like? How did you develop that for your program, these ideas of implementing these mental skills training into your programs.

Speaker 3:

Funny how you tell your story, how I was kind of that person or that that was for there for you, because a lot of it came from, I think, just my. My coaching or my athletic experience was so unique. I had just really great coaches that kind of taught me those things along the way, you know, and I also, because I was a three sport athlete as well, I had so many different coaching varieties coming at me I could is in the locker room just in my face, you know, not responsive, so I've had everything from the screamer coach, although I did respond really well to that Cause I went out there and competed really well. I guess he knew that that's what I needed at that moment in time, all the way to one of my high school coaches, like it was always asking me why do you do that, like, stop doing? You know it was just kind of like this, very sarcastic why are you doing that Like, stop doing that? That's dumb, you know to a great basketball coach who was just calm and just very, very selective in his choices of words, very iconic in the way he coached. He knew the sport but he also knew how to coach girls. So, my, I think when you, when you were, we were kind of talking about this question. Uh, it's very layered. It's not a, you know, a very black and white question, because it comes from my experiences as well as um coaching under Kerwin, because that is, coach Kerwin is the man that I coach volleyball under, you know, and I thought that he was just some kind of you know, oh, pe teacher who was teaching volleyball. And when you, when you started peeling back the layers behind him, like it was, he was so purposeful in everything that he did and so that mentorship with him was huge.

Speaker 3:

He's the one that I mean. I was always a goal setter. That was always my thing. I just you set goals and you make a plan and that's how you do it, but he was very specific in helping me. Okay, so what's your action plans on your goals? You can write them down all you want, but if you don't have a plan that's measurable, then it's it's hard for to give yourself a plan on how to achieve it. And he's also the one that I I really I had my own affirmations, like I was always that kind of athlete that could talk myself out of it Right, or hear my coach's voice Like, why are you doing that? That's dumb, you know, and but he's the one who started the affirmations and just being in under his tutelage was just an honor, and but you know he goes back to Bill Neville too, right, so his best, you know, coaching pal was Bill Neville, so it can just kind of all trickled down through the volleyball world.

Speaker 2:

Which in the volleyball world in Washington state, if you know volleyball, you know who Bill Neville is, that he's a big deal, yeah, he's a big deal. And then Russ Kerwin is, is kind of one little tear down, like a slight tear down from that. Yeah, and so very well known.

Speaker 3:

I mean it's just, it's just very layered, I think, from from my own experiences, you know, but then also just realizing about just how do you, I think the confidence I've always always was curious on how does that player play with that confidence and this other one who probably has the same skill set, doesn't have that confidence, you know. And so I think I kind of became on a journey like how do I tap into my athlete's best self? And so I think I kind of became on a journey Like how do I tap into my athlete's best self? And uh, so I think that's kind of how my journey started into. Yeah, but I know you and I had talked before. I'm not sure how I knew I just did it Cause I knew that was right. Yeah, it was right, yeah.

Speaker 2:

It's kind of a gut feeling, yeah, and you were fortunate that you had access to somebody maybe who also had that similar vision and maybe an idea of how to do it. So let's let's talk about. You touched on goals specifically. Let's talk, let's start with goals. So this was, this was one of the huge things that I learned from in both volleyball and softball, um was goal setting and this idea of setting goals and and then, like you said, not only setting a goal but setting like a plan to get there. And I remember that I know for sure in volleyball.

Speaker 2:

I can't remember exactly how we did it in softball, but in volleyball I remember the day after cuts was a classroom practice and we would go to class, the classroom and we would split into teams and the job was we would set team goals and we would set individual goals, and the way that he had us do it was, um, we would set team goals and then we would set our process goals. So we would say, okay, what's our, what's our outcome based goal? So every most years, bothell had an excellent volleyball program. Most years we were, we were wanting to win our conference. That was one of our big goals. A lot of years we had been a state goal how far we wanted to make it in state where we wanted to do it state. And then we had, like some other goals about, like serving percentages or whatever we wanted to set each team each year.

Speaker 2:

And then, once we set these, like you know, big outcome based goals, he would make us break it down and be like, okay, if we want to serve at 90% or 85% or whatever we decided we want to serve at, what do we need to do to get there? And then we would have to set those little goals of like, okay, well, if we want to be that good, then we need to put serving every day at practice. We need to practice every day at serving. We need to have, you know, our routines down. And we'd have to break it down so we get there and we would set those big team goals and then we would set our individual goals. And this is the funniest thing, when, when, when, we would sit down to do our individual goals, he would have a start with a like a pie in the sky goal. Do you remember, did you? Did you still do this?

Speaker 2:

So it starts out with like your dream goal like shoot as high as you want, like anything as high as you want, right, I think we had to do three right, three big dream goals. If you could like have anything in the world, um, in the context of like volleyball or softball, like what would they be? And we would start there and then we would kind of work our way down to like the daily things that we need to do. It's funny, and I just recently found one of my goal sheets, one of my goal setting sheets, from one of my years.

Speaker 2:

I don't even know what year it but I just found I was going through some stuff at my parents' house and I found a goal setting sheet and my dream goals were win a state volleyball championship, uh, play for the U S Olympic team, and I think it was like serve 25 straight points. I think we're like these three, these three like pie in the sky dream goals. And it was funny when I was looking at that I I almost like I achieved almost all of those, but not necessarily in the way I was expecting it. Like I coached a basketball team to win a state championship.

Speaker 2:

Um, as in my, in my coaching career, I played for the US. I got to put a USA jersey on my chest for in rugby and got to play for the US and played, you know, an international game against a Canadian team and I don't think I ever served 25 straight points. But like that, that seemed like the most achievable at the time and maybe it's the only one I haven't got. And so, like I, I just am amazed at, like, the power of these goals. Like I thought I was shooting farther and further than anything I could have ever imagined and it's amazing how those are closer than you think. But talk about goal setting, like what have you seen with your teams for goal setting and how you've used that to help your teams.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, for goal setting and how you've used that to help your teams. Yeah, Well, I think absolutely the process, and you have to get these athletes to buy into that, you know, and they don't write a serious goal right If they're just, you know, checking the box. Okay, I'm going to do this because coach wants, then you know, they're only going to get so far right. We're, we're trying to get from good to great. These are the things that you do right and you are, you're serious about it. And, as for me, as a coach, like taking time to read each one of those goals and make sure that you are mindful of that was their goal. So when they're out of line and they're not working on a skill set, you can come back to that. Hey, remember your goal right, Remember that this particular action right, and so I've been able to. You know, absolutely, use those right For individual help and as team. Then we start talking about we can weave strategy into so. Okay, so we want to. You know, we want our outsides, we want our pins hitting at 200. Okay, so how are we going to do that? So then you train certain shots and you put together good scouting reports for how we're going to attack that defense, right, and softball, it's okay, this is a drop ball pitcher, Everything's down. So what are we going to do with the plate? What adjustments are you going to be ready to make? We're going to be your hands. Where are you going to write? We're going to position yourself in the box, Maybe, like that might be one of your adjustments. And so you make your plan per game and you make your plan per practice to address the team goals, Right, and um, I think the hardest of all the goals are the ones that are intangible.

Speaker 3:

You know like, Ooh, I want my team, I want to trust my teammates, Okay, that is not measurable, it's really you can't go. Ooh, there was right. How do we get there? Yeah, and so having those kind of you know and nowadays it's an emoji or a you know five, four, three, two, one scale, just kind of based upon your feelings, and that also needs to get, I think, woven into the way we set goals now, because how you feel does relate to how you play, Right, and if you feel like you're in a safe environment and a supportive environment and you are safe to fail and get back up, right, and so if you feel that which is not measurable. I think those are the harder goals now.

Speaker 2:

I think the physical ones are way easier than what you got going on between your ears and what your natural feelings are about the situation and the environment yeah, and I think, at least as a player, I really noticed that when you have a coach who's sitting you down and saying I want to know what you want to accomplish this season and I want to know how I can help you to get there, like even just that simple act of knowing what the what your players goals are, and then hearing what the what your players goals are, and then hearing also your teammates, what your teammates goals are, and be like, okay, we're all, we're all united on this, that starts to breed some of those intangibles, right. That starts to breed, like, that trust. That starts to breed that buy-in. It starts to breed the idea that, like, okay, I'm not in this alone. We're unified in, in our goals. Now let's move forward towards them. And I can add that extra piece of like unity that a team can be searching for, that they can, you know, start from the same place, and I always, I always loved that. It was right.

Speaker 2:

After that, those cuts were made, right after you knew exactly what team you were going to be on, you knew what the season was going to look like, who was going to be around you, and now let's go together and let's decide what we want, what we want out of our team, not what everybody else wants or anybody else cares about, but what we want and make a plan to get there. Like I love that intentionality I thought it was. It was super. It was super powerful that, like my coach, believes in us enough to sit us down and have us dream and have us make a plan of how we're going to make our dreams. I thought that was really great.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, another, another thing that we did with volleyball and softball which at the time, as a player, I kind of a little bit hated was affirmations. Because for affirmations we had to every day for practice and games, so you didn't even get a day off on the games. Anytime we showed up at the field or at the court we had to bring with us a little piece of paper that had our name on it that said I am a good softball player because, or I am a good volleyball player because. And then you had to write something specific, something specific that you were good at, that, you that you did well, or something that you were aspiring to do well, you know.

Speaker 2:

I try to do this or I'm working on doing this was also. It was also fine, and we had to take that little piece of paper, we had to hand it to coach as we walked in the door and that was like our ticket to practice and we were, we had to do it. Um, so, as a player, it was like last minute on the way to the field. Hey, who's got a piece of paper? Do you have a piece piece of paper? Rip yours in half, give me the other half of yours and then writing down, writing down those affirmations. But it was I, I. It was only later that I I recognized the value of these affirmations and how, how they can really help, you know, develop that confidence, like you're talking about that as you're working through things. So so tell me about affirmations, what were the impetus that? Where did that come from? Where the idea of doing that at practice come from?

Speaker 3:

yeah, um and again. Uh, I had mentioned it to kirwin when I first started coaching with him and um, because when I first started coaching I was student teaching and he was not doing affirmations at the time. Um, because I jumped in and helped when I was student teaching and I went away and taught for a couple of years, able to come back and join, rejoin him and I had mentioned that you know what, like there's, there's gotta be a way we can talk about mental part of the game. So he brought up the affirmation piece. I was like oh yeah, and I I was like that would be a great way, like just a simple statement, and then didn't, as the more we got into it, the more I realized how powerful it was, because one, if you wrote it seriously and not in a hurry, barring your teammates, happy sometimes I took it more seriously, yeah like you actually took thoughtful time and but it was only one thing you couldn't work on 50 things at a time in your affirmation.

Speaker 3:

So then you're walking into practice and kind of recommitting to okay, I'm going to work on this today. So this is my mindfulness, because the talk between the ears that happens in the middle of a game or a middle of a practice is so loud and you're, you get scatterbrained and pretty soon you don't have anything intact. So, first of all, channeling right to this, confirming up that I am good. I am good, I am a great volleyball player because I'm a great softball player, because or it could have been I'm a great teammate, because this is what I do. And, um, also, if you tell it to yourself enough times like it can kind of become truth to you and um, and if you tell it to yourself enough times like it can kind of become truth to you and um, and then your actions start to speak to that, so it's just so powerful and I still use it to this day in the middle and as soon as I see a player meltdown, pull them aside and like, okay, take a deep breath, okay, I want you to give yourself an affirmation right now and they just pause in their mind and they do it, and sometimes they will pull themselves out, but if nothing else, at least they know they're okay. This is not the end of the world. Ice cream is going to taste great tomorrow too, right, but in this moment it just feels like it's not going to taste very good, right, yeah, so I just the curbing of the noise in your head, I think, was probably, in hindsight, the more powerful moment, so that you could just go okay, this is what I'm going to be really good at today, because it's hard.

Speaker 3:

It's hard. The sports that we're playing. They're complex movements and there's so many things that are out of your control the pitch, the. You know the way the ball bounces. The dirt, the. You know the way the ball bounces the dirt, the. You know the umpire yeah, Right, there's so many things that you have to. It was a as a way of trying to get you to focus in on. This is what I can control and this is what I'm going to be good at right now.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, no, and I, and I think, looking back to, one of the things I really appreciate about those affirmations is that they were evidence-based, that it wasn't just like I'm going to lie to myself every day and say that I'm good at something I'm not good at Right, that wasn't. That wasn't the goal. We weren't trying to trick ourselves into believing something that wasn't true, which can be really hard, especially for teenagers when they feel like, oh, just be positive, like that's. That's not really always possible. You can't always be positive in your head, but you can look for evidence, and as soon as you start to to have evidence-based views, then those are the ones that start to pick up steam. Those are the bias that we then view the world through, and so then we're looking to confirm those thoughts. And so, even as much as I like, dreaded, like I have to think of a new thing, especially after three years in a pro, in two different programs that made me do affirmations right Volleyball and softball by my senior year what do I have left to say? I'm not sure what I have left to say.

Speaker 2:

I'm not good at that many things, but, um, but I did appreciate this, even if it was, you know, 15 seconds that I was thinking about, like why am I good? Why am I good at this? What am I good at, what do I want to be good at and what do I want to be better at? And, like you said, just that same, that same, that thing in my head in order to write it down, it did something. It added to that like confidence bucket that you just like, drip by drip, drop by drop. Every single day I'm thinking about what am I good at? We're so good especially teenagers so good at pointing out and figuring out what they're bad at, what they're doing wrong. They're really really good at that. That's super, super easy. It's much harder to find those things that you're good at. So if, every single day, you're having to say, what am I good at, how do I know it, Like just over time, I think that really has to tip the scale for sure.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, when I would try to the best of my ability, try to read the affirmations on the spot, you know, and there's, there are some times I've pulled athletes aside. I'm like, okay, this try again, right, because, number one, you're addressing too many things. But I could also pull an athlete aside and say, hey, what was your affirmation today? And they'd be like I'm like I don't know enough, said, let me refocus myself, you know right so, yeah, just a super valuable.

Speaker 3:

Um, I have one of my volleyball players who went off to play college and she took all her affirmations and posted them all over her dorm room and she's like David, I love that, as frustrating as practice was. I'd come back and I'd read a couple of those and I'd be like, okay, I got this, you know, and just love that hearing little stories like that where, and your story where, you know. Again, I I'm not quite sure where it came from, but Kerwin and I put it together and we're like, let's go. We got to be able to. We're great at the physical part. Now we got to figure out the mental and that was our major step forward.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, I love that Just wrapping in the two of them and once again giving a shared experience and a shared language for you and your team. Like, how great is that, as a communication tool between players and coaches, to be able to share those things with each other? And and the very fact that your coach doesn't come say you're not good at this means that in some way, they at least accept the fact. They have accepted the fact that you are good at softball because you square your shoulders out of ground or when you're going after it. You know, like they, they are accepting that fact and they agree with you on some level. And so, um, yeah, the affirmations. I think that that was such a great thing and the fact that it was evidence based really, really helped a lot.

Speaker 2:

Uh, the last big one that we always did was visualization. And uh, what I remember from visualization is we would find a quiet hallway before the game and we would like get comfortable. A lot of girls would just like lay on the floor and you or Kerwin would talk to us and just have us visualize. And I remember the biggest thing I remember him telling you he didn't do like really long guided visualizations. You guys didn't do that. You guys did more like visualize, see yourself being successful, right, and then we were.

Speaker 2:

It was our job then to think about, okay, what's my job and how can I be successful for my team at my job? And it was very much like you don't have to see yourself doing something you don't do. Like I was a libero in volleyball or and I was a middle infielder in softball, I didn't have to see myself like jumping over a fence and making a catch, like I needed to see myself taking a routine grounder throwing a first. I need to see myself serve, receiving a pass, perfect pass to the center. Like I needed to see those things that were my job and to see myself just being successful and then to like feel it in your body as what you would feel like, and I thought that that was really helpful. So, visualization, what was your thought process on that and where did that come from?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, well, the sports that we play, they're visual motor skills, right. And so when you see someone and even we as post to prime, we see an athlete make a great play, we're like, oh, that's so awesome. And you see that, and you're like, oh my gosh, I could have done that. Well, I say that to myself from back in the day, right, oh, I could have done that, right. But so we see it, we see how it's done, right, and the strongest muscle in our body despite whatever is really between here and being able to see yourself make that play and then transfer it over, that's not something you can really teach in practice. You can do as many reps as you want, but if it's not in that moment, you know. That's why practice plans are so important, because you want to try to create as competitive as environment as you possibly can. Right, and so we're competing so that when game time comes, it feels normal. Right, and so we're competing so that when game time comes, it feels normal, like. Games aren't special.

Speaker 3:

I've practiced in more difficult situations than what I'm in right now. Right, and so that whole visualization process of believing, going along with your affirmation, I know I can do that Right. And then seeing myself do it, it's like I get to watch my own highlight reel, and that was kind of the way I would phrase it. I want you to watch your own highlight reel in your position and just knowing that that is how our brain works. You know, I took some courses along the way and did a lot of research.

Speaker 3:

I mean, I'm an avid reader of coaching. You know my latest is watching all the coach your brains out stuff too coaching. You know my latest is watching all the coach your brains out stuff too. So I'm always watching those things and and listening to people's take on how to get get the brain involved in the right ways, because you can also have your brain and get involved in the wrong ways and drag it down.

Speaker 3:

And so, again, pulling a player aside, okay, once you visualize yourself do it, right, and it's amazing to watch when you say, hey, I don't need you to, um, we had a, we eventually got a replay screen back in our gym, Right, so we'd go, you'd go watch yourself do a rep and you'd you do a rep and go watch yourself do a rep immediately. So there was this constant feedback loop, right, and understanding the power of that vision. And then you just watching yourself do it in your brain and your highlight reel, your brain believes that that's you, so then your body will naturally react and yeah, yeah, it's so powerful, yeah, and I do that, and that's what the research is showing now too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I do that now between a mental rep and a physical.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, not as an athlete like I'm visualizing even my lessons, because nowadays you gotta to be an entertainer. You can't just go up there and you know. And so I, you know, I'm like, okay, this is how it's going to go, so I visualize it right, so then I don't have to have like this laid out lesson plan. I'm like, oh yeah, that's what I was going to do and it just it happens. So there's a lot of things that we we need visualizing problem solving in relationships, with the words you're going to say, you know, and seeing yourself come out on that positive end. It's so important, especially for kids. These days, they just they feel like they can't see to tomorrow.

Speaker 3:

You know that it's not going to be better tomorrow, and so yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I mean I think you hit it right on the head that these, all of these skills, the goal setting, the affirmations, the visualization, they extend their value and their influence extends far beyond any sport that you could play and like.

Speaker 2:

The nice thing about utilizing these things in sports is it gives us a great arena to practice and to get good at these things so that we can then take them over into our real lives and our real lives where, like, the stakes are real and not fake points and fake championships and fake trophies right like those, are fun and nice and pretty, but in a real life, when they actually, when it actually matters, we'll be equipped with these skills that will then just like bless our whole lives.

Speaker 2:

And I I mean I said at the beginning and I'll say it to my dining rep I'm so grateful for great coaches like you, like Kerwin I had my share of less than great coaches as well that I learned what not to do as a coach, but just great coaches who poured into us as athletes in those areas and cared about what was going on between our, our, our ears, and it could have been so easy to just be like, well, she doesn't have it between her ears, like I guess whatever physical skills she has are going to be wasted. But really to like mine, those athletes, and say you know what You've got? The physical skills and the mental skills can be taught. So let's teach you those skills. I think that that is such a a great testament to a truly great coach is that they're willing to take the time to pour into athletes in that way, in a way that's not as as visual, like someone's going to walk up on your field.

Speaker 2:

You see all your athletes laying down on the ground, closing their eyes, Like they're not going to be, like oh, that's a great coach, Right, but really a coach that's taking the time to do that visualization, to do those types of things. They're blessing their athletes as much, or in some ways, more probably, than you know hitting grounders or you know, giving them batting practice or whatever. So that's a huge deal. What would you say? That is some other big takeaways that you've had working with this generation and what they need and what. What has, what helps them to be able to be their best selves.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, well, there's. There's two kinds of things I've changed. My coaching kind of approach, so to speak. To address is like this instant gratification, and they're so concerned. Kids these days cannot understand how important the process is. They're so outcome oriented. And so in your goal setting, yes, you want an outcome, but the process is so important, and so my coaching style is so celebratory of the little wins along the way. I'm like I don't care that you, just, you know, hit that ball foul, I don't care, you had a good contact point right, your front foot was down on time, like you, and you celebrate these things so that they can go back and go. Oh well, that was kind of good, cause they don't like where the ball is and that's all they're looking at. They don't look to. Did I? Was that process good? Right, and that's why the negative start, negative talks, starts because of my outcome.

Speaker 3:

And back to the affirmations learning how to replace thoughts, replace the bad ones with good ones, cause one of the key things is that I learned along the way is that both the way your body, physically and mentally, reacts to stressful situations, like your body's going to automatically react in certain ways, like the way you get sweaty, you get your sweaty palms, your heart rate, like those things are not out of something you can control, but you have to figure out how to control. You can control your reactions to that, like, how do you react to that, how do you counter that? And that has been part of my goal setting as well. So we talk about kind of like a case study. Here's an athlete, this is the situation. What would you do if that was your person? Right, that was you.

Speaker 3:

How are you going to react? Because your palms are sweaty, you're nervous, you're like on the verge of tears and, um, okay, so that's naturally going to happen because you have a stressor in your life. So what are you going to do? And then we talk about the thought replacement. We focus on the affirmation that you put in your pocket, because it's the one thing you're going to work on and we're just going to get little wins along the way. And again, all back to that mental approach and really getting that woven into your approach to everyday stuff, not just the practice. But again, you want to have practice, be stressful. You want these stressful moments to arise before you get to game time so they can be like oh, I've been there before, I know how to react to that, you know, and I think that's the art of coaching trying to figure it out and put it all together.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and just being open to learning alongside your athletes. I mean it sounds like that's what you've been doing this whole time, that it's not like it's my way or the highway. We're going to do it the same way, I've always done it, and really like rolling with it as new generations of kids come in. They're going to be different. They're going to different teams, different, are different, are going to need different things.

Speaker 3:

And that's part of your job as a coach is to find that the amount of accessible knowledge to people who really want to coach, right. I mean, it's so there. You have to personalize it for the way you roll, uh, through your program or run your program, how you roll through your practices. But, um, you know, that's why when I hear stories and guaranteed is a student story right? Or an athlete story of this coach, like, is that, is that really there?

Speaker 3:

But I think there are some out there that just don't want to take the time to educate themselves on how to, how to be better and understand. I just think the kids right now, they need to be coached, I think in a little bit different environment, because they're so instant gratification, like everything's on the phone boom got it. Everything's on the computer, boom got it. And if they don't get it right away, like that's and and we're, I think we're losing a lot of athletes because that's not happening. You know, and yeah, they're not willing to like take the long road and like get a little tiny bit better every day.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's one of my that that culture of these, these videos, where they see, like the trick shots or whatever, like you see these like crazy trick shot videos and they like make it in one. But then if you really look behind the scenes, it's like 10,000 shots that they missed before they get the one and, and for some reason that this generation just like puts in, they got it in one shot. If I take five and I miss them, then I'm done, I'm out. But like well, they were willing to put in 10 000 before they got the one that they were trying to get.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, so it's and it is, it's a different, different mentality, yeah, and then not letting them be box checkers. Well, I did it, right, I got to, did it. Where's my trophy? Okay, no, you, but what did you really? You know you're? Yeah, it's. It's just a such a dynamic pathway to have to travel, and you know, I think that's why I love coaching, though, cause every year you have a different group, right.

Speaker 3:

And some years you've got this one that just magically comes together. You know um and others that just are work, work, work, work. You know you take our state championship team. None of those girls really cared for each other. They were not nice to each other but they were all in common they wanted to win that state championship and they did it, but they had a lot in common.

Speaker 3:

They wanted to win that state championship and they did it. You know, it was like, okay, let's go, I mean, and they found a way to put aside their personal differences for the sake of what they wanted to achieve. And yeah, I don't think there's any love loss that they're not hanging out in the gym together. It was unique.

Speaker 2:

It was definitely unique, yeah that's interesting, interesting well anything else that you wanted to add any?

Speaker 3:

other wisdom you wanted to share um, you know, I just there was something about, uh, parents, um, in there, and I think I think my biggest message on parents was um, you gotta find a way it's's not to let them own it. You know, they have to own their successes and own their failures and don't be afraid to let them fail. Like I almost treasured the moments when my child did not succeed, so she would figure out we're landing in a soft place, figure out how to get yourself out of it, right, and I just I'm sure that's the educator part of me and the parent part of me, but some of these parents just can't separate that and and it's hard, it's hard but yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I try and talk a lot about winning the right way and losing the right way. So, like you can win the wrong way, you can win by, you know, not playing well and not playing a lesser team and playing down to their level. Or you can win the right way where you're like playing to your level, no matter what, doing the right things the right way. You can also lose the wrong way by just giving up and giving in. Or you can lose the right way of competing and working hard and doing the best with what you have on that day. And so, yeah, I think that's a super important lesson to learn is like, if we're always just praising them when they win and criticizing when they lose, we're losing an opportunity to be able to teach them how to win the right way and also how to lose the right way and to, you know, make it, make you better. Either way.

Speaker 3:

Right, right.

Speaker 2:

Well, dee, thank you so much for doing this. This has been so awesome. I I'm, I'm so grateful you you specifically are still the coach in my brain all the time. I still am playing like like adult league softball. I play adult league volleyball, my one of my favorite D isms. You should always say softball If you touch it, you catch it.

Speaker 3:

You're right there.

Speaker 2:

Catch it. If you touch it, you catch it. So if I ever touch a ball that I don't catch, I'm like, oh, I touched it, I didn't catch it. So I, you're the voice in my head and fortunately it is a positive voice, it is a encouraging voice and I always knew you believed in me and and that that went a long way. So I thank you for what you've done for me and at this point, what thousands of other athletes oh yeah, hey, we just got to pass it on, though, right, just keep passing it on, that's right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's right, all right. Well, thank you so much, dee.

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