The Fearless Warrior Podcast

093: Helping Your Softball Athlete Have a Growth Mindset

• Amanda Schaefer

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In today's episode, I am sharing a co-hosted parent workshop from 2021 with Coach Nicole Dennis, a mental performance coach, on growth mindset. We explore how understanding and developing a growth mindset can transform athletic performance, especially for young pitchers.

Episode Highlights:

• Creating awareness about fixed-mindset language and behaviors
• The power of "yet" 
• Praising the process and effort rather than talent or natural ability
• Using intentional conversations to get curious about athletes' perspectives
• Celebrating failure in controlled environments to reduce fear
 

TED Talk: Developing a Growth Mindset with Carol Dweck

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol Dweck

The Big Life Journal


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the fearless warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode, we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success, so if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode. Hello, hello, as you guys are joining, welcome, hey, guys, and we'll get you guys connected. It automatically mutes you guys. If you guys want to say hey, we'll get everyone in here in a second and we will do intros and we'll get started.

Speaker 2:

So I know most of you guys I'm coach Nick, nicole Dennis I'm logging in from our facility out in Oklahoma city. Um, we just got done with a super full day up here with our competitors camp, which is mostly a mental skills camp for our high school pitchers. So we had some awesome conversations and work, some live batter situations and work through some of the barriers with that and it was great. And, um, I got the pleasure of meeting coach AB and kind of learning about some of the things she's put together and we kind of hooked up for this um joint growth mindset workshop and I'm super pumped about it. Um, I I used to play at OU back when I was a player way back, played some international softball and um professional softball, and then I got my counseling license and ever since then I've been providing lessons, providing counseling, and I finally started to kind of put them together. So it's been a really, really awesome journey and I'm super excited for today.

Speaker 1:

Awesome, very cool. Well, I know a few people on this call as well and, uh, coach Nick being one of them, and a couple of warrior parents, or one at least. Um, I'm coach AB and I, too, played at the college level um, not internationally, but I started doing pitching lessons and discovered mental skills training and started researching it, um, and diving headfirst into that research and what it could give pitchers specifically, um, which is. We all know pitchers are a special breed and the pressure that they face. So how do we help more athletes? Um, which is kind. We all know pitchers are a special breed and the pressure that they face. So how do we help more athletes? Um, which is kind of cool. I'm in my office and those are all the athletes that are either currently in our programs or graduated from our program, so I am super pumped.

Speaker 1:

Um, we kind of have what's in store for you guys for the next 30 minutes, but before we even get into that, which I already know, I, I'm looking at my notes and Nicole and I are going to have cool conversations and you guys are going to ask questions. So Coach Nick and I kind of have our resources here and we're going to follow, but you guys probably want to know. Okay, what are we going to talk about today? I'm going to give you guys a quick overlook, and if I look over here, it's because I'm looking at my other screen, but we have five different topics we want to talk to you guys today about. Over here, it's because I'm looking at my other screen, but we have five different topics we want to talk to you guys today about. First off is what is growth mindset? And we have to understand what it is and help educate our players on what it is before we can kind of take the next step. So what is growth mindset? Number two is creating awareness. Number three, praising the process. Number four, how we talk about failure, the F word, and then five, we're giving you guys tools. So, those of you that know me, or if you experience a coach, we want to make mental skills applicable, just as itch at, just as if coach Nick or I said hey, we want you to do five reps of this pitch, five reps of this Um, and then, last, you guys will get an opportunity to see what it looks like to take mental skills training with your daughter. So that's kind of what's in store for today. So, if you guys are familiar with Dr Dweck, a lot of the times as a mental skills coach, we're teaching different techniques. Everything is part of research that has been done before.

Speaker 1:

So I take a cognitive behavioral technique towards how we think about how our thoughts affect our emotions, affect our actions. So how is your daughter showing up in school? This is bigger than softball. We'll talk about testing, we'll talk about practices and, ultimately, games. So when I think about growth mindset, I want you guys to think about abilities and how your daughter views her abilities.

Speaker 1:

So Dr Dweck says people that believe that most basic abilities can be developed. Now the keyword is developed. A lot of the times our daughters are looking to their teammates, looking to the pros or other college athletes and going, oh my gosh, she's so good and they think that she was just born with it Right. So when we talk about developing, this is how we want you to talk about this with your daughter and the ability to grow. So if we can think about, um, their test taking abilities, their ability to pitch, their ability to hit, we look at those things as well. Yeah, if I take lessons, I expect to grow in my skill set. The same thing can be said for their mental game. So, if we look at it that way, really quickly fixed mindset we think about our skills, our talents and our overall intelligence. That's another thing that Dr Dweck talks about is either she's smart or she's not. You can actually become smarter. That's why we go to school and so, if we think about growth mindset, they know that they can develop their skills and talents and being responsive this is the key part.

Speaker 1:

As parents, they have to respond to our feedback as coaches and your feedback sometimes criticism as parents, if we're being honest, right. So what we wanna do is we want to shift. This is a constant continuum. We want to shift. There's going to be times where they're going to be fixed and there's going to be times where they're going to have a growth mindset. So, if we look at this, here are some really great tools to start looking. Okay, is my daughter in a fixed mindset? Is my daughter in a growth mindset?

Speaker 1:

But the cool thing is, too, is that before I talk about awareness with your daughter, we're going to talk about awareness with us as parents and coaches. A little bit uncomfortable, but I promise you guys, you're going to start to see some themes. So if you look at this, but I promise you guys, you're going to start to see some themes. So, if you look at this, there are different areas where and I use this as an example how many of you guys have said something like I suck at math, don't ask me to help you with your math homework. Go ask your dad or go ask your mom right, we say those things right.

Speaker 1:

Or I sucked at piano. I hate. My mom made me take three years of piano lessons and I absolutely sucked at piano, but I rocked at softball. So there's different areas where, if we're saying these things, the goal is to create awareness in order to create change. So, as uncomfortable as it may sound, what are some of the things if you think about it, what are some of the things that you've said in front of your daughter about abilities? Some of the things that you've said in front of your daughter about abilities? Maybe it's you know, I don't know if you guys want to share and, nicole, if you want to chime in, what?

Speaker 2:

are some of the things that that you've said about your fixed mindset. Sure, I'll. I'll start with some. I got once we started talking AB or coach AB. I started. I got this book and I started looking through it and it's stuff that I always incorporate with our lessons and mental skills just. And I've changed my language. I'm very, very cognizant of the language I use, especially when I'm around our girls in a mental skills setting.

Speaker 2:

I've worn a hat of like a scouting type hat and in like college scouts and I've talked with girls about recruiting and college, all of that, Right, and so what's weird about this is that the college scouts and I've talked with girls about recruiting and college, all of that, Right, and so what's weird about this is that the college scouts they're out there, they're they don't know your kids, they're just kind of looking at stuff, Right.

Speaker 2:

So they're looking at like size, athleticism, all those things, and it's like the first thing I thought of was like this is totally a fixed mindset, Like there's no room for these kids to grow. They definitely try to look at potential as well, but as far as in the moment, they're like looking at it in this way and I'm like man, how are these kids going to get past that and realize that they can overcome these things and work through some of these things? So that was one of the things I thought of, and I thought of immediately when I talk about recruiting and scouting and being real and how to balance that as far as where you're at, where your potential is, and that's so hard for kids, I think, to grasp and understand.

Speaker 1:

So probably definitely got really deep there, but it's not just that one moment that defines who you are, and there are moments that we can say, oh my gosh, I and I you and I talked about this, I think, on our Instagram live and in person of when I read Dr Dweck's book and it's ear tagged and marked and and all sorts of underline. There are athletes I wish I could do a do over with because they were the trouble athletes. You know, I had one athlete that threw her helmet in frustration the things that are like big, big, big no-nos and I was so frustrated that I could not get through to this athlete. And I realized that this athlete was not trying to be malicious, she was not my problem athlete. It's not that she didn't want to get better, she wanted to get better.

Speaker 1:

She just had a fixed mindset. She thought as a high school player she didn't get varsity, she was a swing player, she was always going to play J player, she was always going to play JV, she was always going to be a runner. And I realized when she was blaming she got defensive. When I tried to correct things, she was playing the blame game. Um, she wouldn't work hard. She thought that whatever skills she had, she was never going to get better because she didn't get that varsity Jersey. And if I could go back and re-coach her. She was simply in a fixed mindset and I made it worse as a coach because I perpetuated that language to her.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, for sure, for sure. That's what I think about too, just in those weird different hats and changing different perspectives. And I know my freshman year in college I I assumed and thought I should be killing it all the time. I did not have the approach of learning as a freshman, like get in there and learn from the others. I was like I want to be the best right away, and if I got one hit off of me it was over, like all or nothing thinking, failure versus you know somebody if you win, nobody if you don't, kind of thing. So just kind of, I always kind of go back to that. That's how I coach my kids a lot. I think, like man, if somebody told me that when I was a freshman, it would have really helped out. So yeah, yeah, it's definitely a lot of growth going on.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely so in my notes. I want you guys to write this down. I should have put this in the presentation, but I want you to write down the power of yet, y-e-t. Yet you can simply alter that. Even if you make a mistake and you say something in a fixed mindset, you can add the word yet and it will flip that connotation. So, for example, if we take the word according to Dr Dweck, if we take the word yet, it can change this. It's a linguistic trick to include.

Speaker 1:

If you say something like I can't, I don't, I'm never those like really big, hyperbolized statements you say, you know, like I can't do this math problem yet, um, I'm never going to hit a home run. Well, I just haven't hit a home run yet. Um, I don't understand how to throw a curve ball. Yet See how that really takes those statements. And you could do this with your daughter as well. If she's really blurting out these statements, you could simply look at her and wink and say yet, and then it takes the the like. You know, we don't want to um shame. We don't want to shame them for having these thoughts. We don't want to um school them or discipline them. It's hey, you just haven't done this yet, and the more that you can break down those walls and those barriers and having these really curious conversations, get curious. And the power of yet. So that's one of my favorite things that um I started using from Dr Dweck. Love it, um.

Speaker 1:

So then the second part of awareness is when you guys think about this. We have to be aware as parents. We also have to be aware of our athletes. So what she's saying and Angela can vouch for this what she is saying to you is completely different than what she's saying to herself and her worldview, her fixed worldview, is of her 10 other teammates, right? Or her um 11, 12, maybe if she's in high school, it's her 18 other teammates. That's her worldview. But if she hops on a zoom call with girls from all over the country on our mental skills calls, it's like this light bulb goes off and she goes. Oh my gosh. Other girls have negative thoughts, other girls are struggling, and what seems like common sense to us like well duh.

Speaker 1:

What I want to ask you guys as parents is have you let your daughter into your mind about your fears, your worries, your failures? We don't want to talk about it because it's uncomfortable. We sweep it under the rug. So the more that you can tell your daughter and I will say this on every single call. If the girl books a one-on-one session with me as a mental skills coach, the first thing I'm telling her is this is normal. Your brain is supposed to have negative thoughts and quote unquote negative emotions. It's the human spectrum. So the more that you can say, girl, I'm mom, I get it, I'm here to discipline you and be your figure, your, your parent figure or your coach, and I'm going to hold you accountable. But I want you to know something too I have fears and I've messed up. I've messed up at work, I've met. You know, I've done the wrong things. And the more that you can open up that awareness, you could forget everything else that we teach today. And if you just get vulnerable, you can't get it wrong. Thoughts on that.

Speaker 2:

Nicole, oh my gosh, so right. I mean, vulnerability is the most powerful thing you can do, and so I feel like I I'm always really careful to kind of use self-disclosure very much, um, but when I do I can tell I have all the eyes like they're in with me 100% Um, because they want to know like, oh, you, you're a human too. It's sometimes when we coach a lot girls look at us like, oh, they never messed up, oh, they've never been through what I've been through. I'm like, yeah, I have. And let me tell you about it. Here it is. So, yeah, parents, I really encourage you to be vulnerable. You know, of course, age appropriately and all of that Um, but your kids will definitely listen and understand and see it in action when you're able to kind of like, highlight failures and things that don't go right for you and helping them understand how you handled it. Um, it's not the end of the world. We're going to learn from it and keep on moving. They will. They will listen and watch and learn, so definitely.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and the more that you guys can have these conversations too, of um, you know, maybe, if there is a difficult conversation that you need to have, of where maybe there's a situation where a coach didn't give her playing time or she's not getting the curve ball down, or there's a situation that you honestly don't know how to navigate it, sometimes having that piece of vulnerability and saying, look, and this is growth mindset talking, look, I don't have the answers to, but I know that we can figure this out together, and what that does is that takes the pressure off of you as and I I'm a young mom, so I don't have to do this. Yet I have a three-year-old and a three-month-old, so I don't have to reason with them very much, but I have a feeling I'm going to be getting there when you just get vulnerable and you say I don't have this figured out, I don't have all the answers, but I'm going to figure it out with you. It doesn't let them off the hook. It doesn't let you off the hook, it helps you guys take a growth mindset approach together.

Speaker 1:

I feel like this would be a really good opportunity, because I don't want to talk at you guys and I want this to be a conversation. What's coming up for you guys? Is there a specific situation that we could talk about or a question that like? What questions is this coming? What like what's bubbling to the surface for you guys? Anyone?

Speaker 4:

Um, I'll go um. My daughter is a perfectionist and if it's not perfect the first time, she gets really upset and cries and then can't focus on anything else. We go through this often, and sometimes we can't even make it through a lesson.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. So getting present to that perfectionism too, of what is the root. And so we look at the fruits, right. So, like, the fruit of that in the mental game is she's not getting it right, right. And so they think in terms of absolutes, like I'm never going to get it or I didn't get it perfect. That's a very absolute thing. So the more that you can show them not that and we'll give examples here too but the perfectionism is how do I praise the, the attitude, the effort, the non-perfectionism of what am I praising? And it's tricky, because we want to post the home runs on Facebook, we want to post the pretty picture of the 50 mile per hour radar gun, and so we're basically conditioning our kids to expect our, our love and our praise and our affection, even though we may not be thinking or saying that all the time. They really latch onto those things. So the more that you can praise. What's your daughter's name? Heather? Mackenzie.

Speaker 1:

Yo Mackenzie, you busted your butt at that lesson with coach Nick. You didn't give up. I could see you got frustrated man, you. You messed up the very first pitch but you didn't let it get to you. If you can just find those little microcosms and say, oh my gosh, girl, like I'm so fricking proud of you, you dug in and you got it totally controllable. And then it's going to do two things. It'll take the pressure off of herself because if mom is like okay, I'm okay with it, it'll start to chip away at her perfectionism. It's going to take time, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it will take time. One little trick that I like to do and Mackenzie, I can see her right now doing that it's hard, she's hard on herself. She really wants to do well because she cares so much about her performance and doing well, which is like a good thing, it's a good characteristic to have. As long as we're in control of how we manage mistakes and respond to mistakes, so I'll almost prescribe failure. So I will like prep her up and this might be something you can try the next time she's in a lesson and say the next time you have a lesson, I want you to literally fail on purpose, like let's just do it, who cares? Let's throw it over her head once and let's practice responding. And instead of changing the action of throwing the pitch and like throwing a strike, the action that we're practicing is responding to the mistake. Like that is our action and our job that we're trying to get down.

Speaker 2:

And I I don't even try to use the word perfect, it's so hard Cause I'll try it. I'm, I'm a recovering perfectionist, that's what I say. I'm like I'm in recovery, recovering perfectionist, so I try not to even use that word. Like oh, that was perfect. Oh, I don't want to say perfect, like I'll correct myself when I accidentally say that, but prescribing failure. They'll look at you like you're crazy, but say like, let's do it and let's. It's not even a big deal, girl, and let's see how you respond. That's really what matters. That's what matters more than anything. If that helps, I mean, give that a try and see that. And then, of course, what coach AB was saying too that's an awesome idea.

Speaker 1:

It looks like you had something to add to what you got.

Speaker 5:

I was just going to say Claire is very much like that as well, but her biggest thing is she is so scared to fail. She does not like to let people down at all and so it's. It's very hard as a parent to be like it's going to happen. It's part. We always tell her fail forward and and that is something I learned at work a long time ago and I just tell her it's part of the process, it's part of growing, but sometimes as a parent so frustrating for me too, because I'm like you're going to fail and she just gets so down on herself so fast and her confidence goes from here to here as soon as she hits that first failure.

Speaker 5:

Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, one of the things and we it's so funny because we have Claire in our competitor's camp right now, so I just got to see her, so I'll give you a little. It's not a secret at all, really, but one of the things I try to do with Claire and all of our girls is when I noticed that like incongruence, like she seems to see herself as like worse than the other girls I can see her comparing herself in the moment I'll like open it up to the group because we've created such a good environment here too, so that's important. Also, like you really can't do this with just anybody around. They have to be the right people. But I'll say and I'm just using Claire as an example but I'll say like hey, does anybody else think Claire is like behind or like shouldn't be here? And and when the girls say, no, I didn't even think twice about that.

Speaker 2:

That can be so impactful and I know you guys, as parents, are not necessarily in that spot very often. But if you are like maybe if you have a family friend over or something and that seems to come up and be like hey, you know, do you ever see that in Claire? Cause I know she, she seems to think that sometimes, but, of course, knowing that it's a safe person that is going to be respectful and all of those things that can be helpful, that can be so powerful sometimes. So I try to create those little nuggets of situations in our camp. But, yeah, I know that's really frustrating and tough, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Another example that you could use, and this is good for everybody too. This is and again, I get so fired up about this and I'm so excited and I love that this is an intimate group too, and this isn't even on our notes but one of the things that you could talk about is how do you get them outside of their softball mind. Rindy, ask her about her fear. Is she afraid of snakes? Is she afraid of spiders? Is she afraid of tornadoes? Right, we're all in the mid. Well, not all of us, but the tornado, the tornado alley of. Okay, can I get present to that fear? What is that fear and what am I afraid will actually happen? And when we get present to it, I'm terrified of spiders. I'm not actually afraid of spiders, I'm afraid of what the spider will do to me. Will the spider bite me? Will it be poisonous? And then you can segue the conversation to what are you really afraid of If, if the ball goes between your legs, or if you strike out or you walk about, or what are you really afraid of? Is the earth going to swallow you whole? You know like, get really present and then they'll tell you no, mom, the earth will not swallow me whole. My teammates are going to hate me. Really, your teammates will hate you. Let's talk about that. How, so? How do you know that? How do you know that to be true? And then what? And then what, and then what? And then they're saying it out loud, they're processing it. It will take away that fear of oh my gosh, I'm letting these fears carry away in my mind. You don't have to tell them that they're the. The magic is in the silence. And get curious. And for all of you parents, the more you can get curious, I'm going to give you guys tools Um, I have an awesome um conversation guide too to give you guys conversation topics. But the whole point of this is to get curious, not trying to like, nitpick or find, just get curious. So again, if you can get curious with her and say like hey, I know I've talked about feeling forward, but what does that mean to you? Right? And? And oh, I know you're afraid of failure, or McKenzie, like you want to be perfect, but what does that mean? Like what? Why do you want that so bad? And just see what conversations come up with them Magical Again. You guys don't have to read Dr Dweck's book. You could blog off this workshop right now, and you can't get it wrong if you just get curious, and that will take some pressure off as well. Speaking of pressure, it's already three, 27. So I'm going to keep going. I knew this was going to happen, um, but again, this is recorded, so please don't feel guilty if you guys have to hop off, but I will be here.

Speaker 1:

Um, when we talk about praising the process, um, how many of you guys have heard and you can just do show of hands the term trust the process. Trust the process, trust the process. We're going to break that down for your athletes so that they understand. So, when we praise talent and we praise sheer effort, that's where we get into trouble. Um, I'm going to flip the screen so you guys can see this. Um, just because it's a good um, you can kind of like see, okay, what am I looking for? When we talk about efforts and failures, when we say things like great job, you're so smart, what you're really telling them is that's a fixed like you're just, you're just born smart, instead of oh my gosh, you studied really hard for that science test and look what happened. Um, and and. When we talk about sheer effort, I think sometimes we say you tried so hard and look what happened. Um I?

Speaker 1:

One of my very first mental skills um sessions I had was with a girl who was going D one.

Speaker 1:

She got a position on Maryland softball team. Her parents bought her every pitching lesson. She was on one of the best teams. They traveled across multiple States. She had access to every single resource. And her very first session with me, she said my parents are wealthy. I understand that I had all of these resources. They took me to everything. I had the best bats, everything, and I still failed. Why? And her parents were big on you you work hard, you work hard. Dad's a lawyer, the mom's in journalism. You work hard and everything will work out. Well, what happens when they freaking bust their butts and failure still happens. What that's creating in their mind is that perfectionism of well, I did everything that mom and dad asked me to do. I went to every single lesson and I still failed.

Speaker 1:

What you can switch that is hey, focus on your next steps. Sometimes there's luck, sometimes there's politics, sometimes there's coaches outside of your control. All I ask is that you keep trying versus you tried your hardest, if that makes sense. Um, basically, when their hard work doesn't pay off, then that's proof that they're incompetent, and we don't want them to feel incompetent, we want them to feel powerful. So the more that you can empower them with the next step.

Speaker 1:

What's within your control? Um, and I could even skip to one of the techniques that I'm going to give you guys later is when you give them something to see okay, if I'm failing at the pitching machine, let's try soft toss. If I'm failing at soft toss, let's try the tea. And sometimes, mixing up their environment. Different kids are different learning abilities. We just have to give them that next step. Instead of keep you know, stop doing the same things. Mix up their environment to show them what they are capable of, If that makes sense, I think. So often we get into the same ruts of you know, going to the same pitching coaches, same hitting coaches, same practices. Mix up their environment and see the magic unfold for them. Maybe take a break from lessons lessons.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely. Um, I'm looking at our outline and I know we're we're behind, okay, so so, basically, one of the things that you guys could do is setting up a process goal. So when we say trust the process, oftentimes their goals are I want to hit 60 miles an hour on the radar gun? Well, great, that's an outcome goal, not a process goal. So what is the process to get there? What do you need to do to hit 60 on the radar gun? I need to practice three times a week outside of lessons. Great Print a calendar, put it on the fridge. That is the process. Did you practice three times a week, yes or no? It's very binary. It's a one or it's a zero. Did I practice? That is a process goal that they can trust.

Speaker 1:

Another that's a process goal is did I show up with with the hundred percent effort? So, if you want to praise their effort and their attitude, did I have fun today and did I give it my all? And that's a yes or no question and they're trusting that process that, even if they do those things, did I have fun? Yeah, did I show up for my teammates and give a hundred percent effort? Yes, great, I'm proud of you, even with the loss on the scoreboard. I know that's hard as a coach. We want the wind column to be higher and get it. I've been there. That's hard. We have to check in. What is that process? And when you they come to you with goals. What goal are they telling you? Is it a process or is it an outcome?

Speaker 2:

For sure, yeah, yeah for sure. I guess I'll just add one thing with what you're saying the effort thing. I found girls will just automatically yeah, effort, I gave effort. Like they'll just say it right away. And you guys, as parents, like try to reflect exactly what you see, like be a human mirror and say like well, you know, I saw you like walking to your position. Is that, is that full effort? And hustle, Like, and then ask them those questions and let them answer, so that you're not lecturing or telling them, but because you know they know what they're supposed to say. But whether that's actually full effort or not is where you guys can be so helpful and that reflecting can be awesome, because then they're like oh, I wasn't. And even if they act like they know, they know they know. So that can be a good, a good tool to add to that too. Just reflect what you see when they go to that automatic yes, I gave effort because they know they're supposed to, but it's not every time, so you can help them understand that for sure.

Speaker 1:

I love that the magic is in the pause and letting them say the answer. I love that, okay. So number four I said for you guys was how do we talk about failure? Um, when we preach things to our kids as a coach, as a parent, oftentimes they will do what we do, not what we say we do. So, for example, um, when I think about the conversations that I have with my husband at the dinner table, oftentimes you know we're human, right, so you could think about okay, how do I take the softball hat off If I make a mistake, or I, um, you know, forget to switch the laundry out, or I, or I am having a discussion with my husband and we're fighting and we come back and we say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I blew up. Or, um, that's a very raw and real example.

Speaker 1:

But the more that you can demonstrate to your kids I'm human, I make mistakes, I have big emotions. I've made mistakes. I'm allowed to feel frustrated. I think so often when we look at failure or perfectionism, kids feel like they have to stifle their emotions and if we can model, hey, being sad, being angry, being frustrated is normal. You're allowed to feel frustrated. Um, again, I'm looking at it from the worldview of a three-year-old. If I constantly say you're not allowed to be sad, there are a lot of things that make a three-year-old sad. So the more that I can say hey, it's okay to be sad, but you cannot watch bluey all day. Or it's okay to be sad but you, you're not allowed to hit me or spit on me. And that's just a three-year-old boy's worldview. So how does that look for a teenager? Hey, look, you're allowed to be sad about this failure, you're allowed to be frustrated because you weren't perfect, but you're not allowed to give up. If that's a better example for teens, um, and that's a really healthy kind of conversation because you can model that too. I have bad days, I get frustrated, I get mad at work, in traffic, whatever. It's what I do next that matters.

Speaker 1:

So, making those emotions in your household more, um, noticed, or even saying to your athlete after a practice or a tough game, they get in the car, you could say, oh, my gosh, mackenzie, like I could totally see on the mound, you were just frustrated, is that true? Again, going back to that curiosity, and then you say nothing and just see what she says, and then it's going to bring up a really cool conversation of. We're not talking about strikeouts, false strikes, anything. It's just like dude, like I see you, you were frustrated and I love you and I want to know, like dude, what are you thinking out there, how can I help? And that will totally break down a lot of barriers, yeah for sure. Um, okay, so we're going to skip ahead. I know that you guys will have access to this. I don't feel too terrible and, again, this is the first time I've taught this and I'm really excited about this topic. You guys can see these two. We did talk about comparison to others today and then not seeing immediate success. That could totally apply to perfectionism.

Speaker 1:

Here's some resources. But even before I get to resources, here are some tools that I want you guys to write down. I did not get these into the PDF, so I do want you guys to write these down. I have five tools for you guys. The first tool is having intentional conversations. So the only thing you really need to write down for that is having conversations and getting curious. I know we did talk about that today.

Speaker 1:

And that very first resource Conversations to Create Confidence. That's a free guide that you guys have access to. It's a huge reflection guide that literally gives you like 50 different questions to ask your daughter. Let them think critically. You could even print it out and give it to them. They can journal on it and say give them a page and say I just want you to answer these five questions. You can burn it when you're done. I don't want to see your answers, I just want you to think about it. So that's that resource.

Speaker 1:

The second tool that I want you guys to do is try new approaches. So what that looks like. Again, I said this earlier if she's struggling on the machine, try soft toss. If she's struggling with the outside pitch, try the inside pitch. Just mix it up. Um. Understand your athlete is different. They may learn differently and I'm going to this is very taboo but if you're a pitching coach, you're hitting coach is not working for you and you're not seeing progress.

Speaker 1:

Do not be afraid to switch it up with videos. These girls have access to so much. Maybe they just need a different way to look at it. Right, like they just need to see a pitching video. Um versus, you know, constantly going to pitching lessons. So there's that Um.

Speaker 1:

And then number three is feedback loops. This is my favorite one. So when we talk about feedback loops in the brain, we're seeing something in our world and it's getting reconstructed in our neural pathways of okay, I'm getting immediate feedback. Oftentimes, when you go to lessons, we're constantly talking at our athletes. If you have somebody like Nick or me, we demo because we played the game. Sometimes other coaches can't demo so, um, give them video, show them video side-by-side of them. I know you guys all have iPhones right down. This coach's eye is an amazing app. You guys can use, um, their visual of, take a video of them pitching a year ago, side-by-side with them pitching today, and show them the progress. That's feedback. See, I know you've gotten better and I have proof. That's immediate feedback.

Speaker 1:

The other way you can do feedback is technology. So you could do radar guns, you could do blast motion, you could do hit tracks and you can say look, you improved because you worked hard. You've gained four miles an hour. Whatever that is, use technology to your advantage. We only bring out the radar gun once every six weeks at lessons. Don't bring the radar gun to every lesson. But again, it's a feedback loop. And then the third feedback loop is progress numbers. So give them a goal how many pitches out of 10 can you get strikes? Um, how many curve balls out of 10 can you get? Um, maybe they have a minute to get as many curve balls as they can. Um, I love that one. It's called minute to win it. And then you could also do practice charts. So how many times did I practice this week? How was my lesson? Oh, I didn't practice at all this week and I had a crappy lesson Feedback loop. You don't have to say anything as parent, but you're giving them feedback. Okay, so that's that one.

Speaker 1:

The fourth one is celebrate failure. So Nick brought this up and it was freaking awesome. Celebrate it. So find an environment where you can celebrate failure. So, is it a practice? It is. Is it a lesson? Do you go to the field that is, you know, in the town next to you, and you just go to that grassy area and you say we're going to fail today? Um, do you want to fail at this grubby, dirty practice field? Or do you want to fail at next week's game? Okay, you want to fail here. Let's have some fun with it. You could get in there as a parent and swing the bat. How do you respond to failure? Have fun with it. Do you laugh? Do you get gritty? Are you a competitive family? Play wiffle ball as the family. Show them with your actions, not always your words. How do we celebrate failure? Maybe you could do it with a board game Again, taking that softball hat on, neener, neener, neener. I beat you in chutes and ladders. You failed. So what? What happened? Nothing. Okay, let's go get ice cream. That's great. That could get intense. That's a good one, yeah. And then the last one is highlight reel. So this is really cool.

Speaker 1:

Um, give them something that they can say I have been successful before. So they can visualize success on game day because they've done it before. Do you have a video of them hitting a home run? Do you have the video of them striking a really big batter out? Um, this is proof of their hard work. Um, some moms will create graphics. Some moms will do like a, like videos to music. It doesn't have to be that extenuous, um, but I know some of the college teams that I've talked to they'll look at their highlight reels and their video reels before big games, like, they'll go into their locker room, they'll turn the lights down and they'll visualize their success because of the past success that they've had. Um, if you want to include something in a highlight reel of a time where they did fail and look, how'd you bounce back? Hey, remember that time you lost in the bracket and we fought back eight games in elimination games and we got second at state whatever that is put that in their highlight reel. And then this is the most important part of the highlight reel when you look at their highlight reel, how did they act when they were successful? Their body language was good, they're cheering, they're smiling, guess what? Those three things you can control even when you're not successful. So we're recreating success from those highlight reels. Okay, boom, there are your five tools. We've covered everything today.

Speaker 1:

The next thing I need to get you guys these resources are all for you guys. Um, big life journal has free PDFs. Um, I don't know if I have it close by. I think I do. This is what's called the big life journal. I'm trying so hard to get sponsored by them so I can get copies to give to my warrior girls. But this is a really cool like. It's a legit journal that they can like, write in, and it has all sorts of growth mindset prompts. This company is literally built on growth mindset. I think this is like 20 bucks. They have one for teens and kids and then, if you want, you guys can purchase Dr Dweck's book If you're avid readers. This one literally made me cry. So those are all the resources for you guys. But again, all of everything that we taught you guys today is a culmination of the resources on this page.

Speaker 1:

This, as parents, how do we do this for our daughters? And oftentimes we think about, okay, the mental side of the game. What is it? And really quickly, I wanted to give you guys an overview of how I teach it. Um, I teach what are called the big six. So, when we talk about routines, failure recovery, self-talk, visualization, breathing and grounding techniques, I teach it step-by-step inside the fearless warrior program.

Speaker 1:

Um, the girls that we've coached inside of this, it's empowering them with that plan of they watch a video and, just like we did today, we're explaining how their mind works, what to look for, and then we're giving them a skill, a tool, just like the tools that I gave you guys to use. So we teach them how to do breathing techniques, how to do visualization, how to set up routines for success. Um, and then we also have a parent portal. So inside that um, this program, inside this online portal, this very workshop will be in there. It will be recorded. You guys will have access to it. Um, and and it's it's go time, um, I don't know if Ash is joining us for our call today. We also have Zoom calls that are part of the program. I guess, Angela, if you want to share, you know how this has helped Ash. Hey, coach.

Speaker 3:

AB hey, hey, I'll let her explain How's that.

Speaker 1:

She can hop on a call later. It's funny because one of my assistant coaches is running the zoom call later so I won't get to see ash. Oh she, here she is. Have you talked ash in like a really quick roundabout way? Who were you before? What did you struggle with before and what is what is mental skills training given you now?

Speaker 3:

oh okay, so actually I have a really good example. Um, so, before this, like I was the type of person who, especially on like a new team, I did not want to talk at all, like I wasn't very confident in myself and so, like, just, I was always down on myself for my mistakes. Well, this weekend we had a tournament with this team. It's only the second or third tournament I played with them, but I've known some of the girls from before, but this weekend I got one of the MVPs for the weekend and the reason the coach said that I got the MVP was because I was like the rock of the team this weekend.

Speaker 3:

I was what held the team together and I was always talking to everybody and cheering them up well, you have a girl on our team who's never pitched before and she's asked me at practices to help her pitch. And this weekend we played her in her second game ever and she was really nervous and like I set the bench that game so it was really hard. Like so every now and then, like because normally when she pitches I play like third base, so I'm like right there with her, so like we would call time.

Speaker 1:

Every time the coach called time for that game, I was out there talking to her at the mound while he was doing his thing because she was so nervous. Yeah, I love that. And you have definitely faced your lots of adversity. You've overcome a knee injury, you've overcome switching teams, politics, I mean you name it and you've been graduated for over a year and to see your confidence, it has been amazing. Well, thanks for sharing, ash, you're welcome.

Speaker 1:

So cool, very cool. Well, so here are all the things I need to get you guys. We'll get you the replay and then all of the information for the fearless warrior program is inside this link as well. Um, and with this, like I I'm I'm just going to say the next time we run this workshop that it's going to be an hour, because I am so passionate about this and I'm passionate about helping, and I feel like if you guys have more questions that are specific to your daughter and you want help, you can always email me.

Speaker 1:

Amanda at Fearless Fast Pitch, I'll do. We do 15 minute discovery calls, so if you want to hop on a call and ask specific questions to your daughter of something that she struggles with, I would love to give you guys resources. If it happens to be the Fearless Warrior Program, great. If it's another resource, great. I just want to get your daughter the tools that she needs and I'm happy to do that as well. So if you guys want to email me I know we were pressed for time, but mostly I just want to say thank you for for really believing in this. I think there's a lot of parents out there that don't think. You know. You know they say the mental game matters, but you guys are the action takers and you guys are here taking notes, asking questions, having the hard conversations, um and again. If you do that you, you literally cannot get it wrong. So thank you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, for sure. Thank you for inviting me. Coach AB and all you guys that know me, you know how passionate I am about mental skills and how powerful they are, which is like the whole reason I even am around softball. I love softball, I know softball, but I do this so that I can coach this stuff. So take advantage of Coach AB's resources and everything she's built, because it's really pretty amazing and outstanding. I'm excited to just hear more about what she's done and so if it can help your daughter, I mean, like she said, just jump on it and take it. So thank you guys for coming again.

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Amanda Schaefer

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