The Fearless Warrior Podcast

113: We've Been Looking at Comparison Wrong with Jake Thompson

• Amanda Schaefer

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I had the privilege of sitting down with Jake Thompson, Leadership Performance Coach, Author, and Chief Encouragement Officer at Compete Every Day. We dig into how athletes can turn comparison into fuel, own their role, and compete for the standard in the mirror while becoming better teammates. 


Episode Highlights:

• Comparison as a tool rather than a threat
• Clarifying the game and controlling controllables
• Accepting your starting position and role
• Gap and gain mindset anchored in gratitude
• Process praise over outcome praise for parents


Connect with Jake:

Website: https://www.jakeathompson.com/

Book: The Line: A Story of Excellence in the Margins

IG: @jakethompsonspeaks

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jakethompsonspeaks/


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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Fearless Warrior Podcast, a place for athletes, coaches, and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, Coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife, and mom of three. Each episode, we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools, and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode. Today I have the honor of bringing back another amazing friend of mine, Jake Thompson, who has been on the podcast before. But for those of you that don't know, he is a leadership performance coach and the chief encouragement officer at Compete Everyday. Represent, if you're watching on YouTube, you'll see our swag. His story started in 2011 by first selling t-shirts out of the trunk of his car. Now he has spent more than a decade working with leaders and organizations all over the world on how they can get better results for themselves and their teams. He's been featured in Forbes, hosts a podcast in the top 1% globally, and has directly impacted over 85,000 ambitious leaders, which is so cool. He's spoken to our warrior members and parents about what it means to compete every day as athletes, as professionals, and as parents. And since our last podcast conversation, he still lives in Texas with his wife, Alina, and he went from three dogs to now five rescue dogs: sugar, donut, snacks, cookie, and pop tart, which they're they're here with us, you just can't see it. So maybe they'll make an appearance later. Jake, so good to have you back on the pod.

SPEAKER_01:

What's up, coach? I'm excited, always excited to see you and hang out with you. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, at the time of the recording, we're winding down summer. You've got so much on your plate. Give us an update. You know, we were talking about your travel schedule. For those that don't know, give us a day in the life. Who the heck is Jake?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so it's really funny. My a lot of my travel is seasonality. And so fall and Q1 are my big seasons. Uh, I would say I'm typically on a plane one to five times a week, uh, depending on where I'm going for events. I speak a lot to sales teams, business owners, leaders around how do we compete every day? We know it looks good on social media, makes for a really cool sticker, post or shirt like you're repping. But how do we actually live it out? And so we go in and actually help teams do that, get better about competing internally with themselves and collaborating with their teammates. Because just like in sports, we need our teammates to bring out the best within us. And so I'm on a plane speaking to audiences, writing and either working on my newsletter or book. And then between everything else, managing the chaos of being a dog dad.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's awesome. Well, let's start with the book because I think it's just a really cool story. I loved when you sent me an update on it. I know you're um, we could talk about the chat, we could talk about the mission, the meaning, but first and foremost, I mean, let's just kind of spill the beans. Tell us more about your new book, the title. Can you give us details yet?

SPEAKER_01:

I can give you, I can give you all the details. Book three is as we're recording this, we're a month from release, and book four releases in March. So they are strategically tied. So the third book is called The Line: a story of excellence and the margins. It is a fable, it's the first fictional fable story I've written, uh, really inspired by you know the John Gordons, Patrick Linciones, a lot of people who do that really well. But what happened is over the last five years since Compete Everyday came out, and I really started to speak a lot. Audience members would come up and be like, oh my gosh, man, that was great. Like, what do you have for my kid? Like last month I was speaking at a really large pharmaceutical client. We did two sales kickoffs. So we did their whole East team and their whole West team. And at both of them, I had parents come up and say, I wish my kid could have been here. And so I was like, hey, we actually recorded this one. Do you just want the link? Like, just keep it private. They're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'd send them the keynote. But that's kind of all I had. And I really wanted to serve that audience. You know, I speak to colleges once or twice a year, I speak to high schools once or twice a year, kind of depending on my corporate travel. But I love that audience, as we talked about with your parents, like there's so many things I wish I'd known at that age that people like you are teaching. And I just had no resources to from a mental performance standpoint. And so I wanted to distill some of those lessons. And so a lot of that was inspired. So when we started writing and laying this out, I wanted to use this book almost as an introduction to the framework for athletes. Middle school, high school, college, really written at the high school and college. But the feedback I've gotten is like, hey, this works for middle school through pro. But it's really getting clear on what's the game you're playing. Like, who are you really in competition with and why excellence isn't compartmentalized. Now, the reason we set this one up in the fall is we're going after the younger audience as well as parents and coaches to equip them because we know as athletes, like we're gonna learn, we're gonna apply stuff, but the conversations we have with our parents, the conversations we have with our coaches, are gonna help determine if it sticks. And so we want this book to be that, but really it sets up the book that releases in March, which is kind of a professional development self-help book along the lines of compete every day, but it really gets into the research and it dives deep into the framework to say, how does comparison, the thing we've been taught our entire life, that it's the thief of joy, it's the root of all evil, how is it actually an ally in the in the journey of growth? And so we get into how do you actually turn it from something that hurts you, getting on social media, comparing yourself to your teammate on the depth chart, to using it to get better. And so the line teaches it from a higher level with a way of hey, how do I introduce you, give you some tools? And then if you're like, hey, I really want to know how to compete, that next book in the spring will be able to uh to take you there.

SPEAKER_00:

I love it. We get a sneak preview. And when you say, who are you in competition with? I think the feedback that I get is behind the scenes with all of my clients, whether it's one-on-one or in our programs, this idea of comparison. And we've been told that comparison is bad, and and that's a belief, right? And everything has a balcony and a basement from Gallup Strength Finders, right? Like what I'm hearing you say is there's absolutely a positive side to comparison. Can you touch on that? I mean, we're spoiling.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no. Yeah. And and we we talk a little bit about in this first book, we teach you how to address it. And really, the lens of this first book, the line, is through the lens of a high school quarterback in Texas. So I pull some stories from my life, game I know, but he's a less athletically talented player than the guy that's a year ahead of him. And that whole journey, as we know as athletes, when there's a teammate playing your position, that they're just physically better than you. And so he's having to deal with this journey. Now, in the the fourth book, we talk about comparison is fire, right? Fire can destroy forest, it can also save your life and keep you warm. It just comes down to how do you use it. And what we have to learn is when a lot of times as athletes, when our worth and our confidence is tied up in where we are on the depth chart, on if I'm better than that other person, then we're constantly living in comparison. Because what if that player that is ahead of you on the depth chart, what if they move to another school? Does that mean you you've won? Like, do you suddenly feel better now? But what if somebody else comes in and they're more physically talented, right? You're constantly playing this game versus when we talk competition, it's you versus you. Because no matter what someone else is doing, the only person you control is the person you see in the mirror. And what would it look like to start competing to be the best version of yourself versus to beat that teammate who's on your team? And that gets into a really dangerous spot that I know you've talked about and have coached people on of like when you have teammates that are constantly worried about each other and battling each other, your team can't be great. Because I don't actually want you to do as good as you can to make our team better. I want to make sure you do just enough that I'm still better than you. And so we want to get people out of that mentality because that's the same mindset that's gonna help you be successful in life after sports, whether you play pro or your career ends in high school. Like these are the lessons that set you up for success in an arena of life that a lot of people fail to ever learn.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that you said arena of life, because the example that I was thinking was, you know, when you're done with your career, can you honestly say I did everything to the best of my ability? And that's an exact match of you can't control if somebody comes in or leaves or goes or gets injured. I mean, how many times has somebody had an opportunity because somebody above them got hurt and then they kept that starting spot?

SPEAKER_01:

It's crazy. And and and we talk about it like in the book because the the main character, Bear Wilson, meets a guy that used to play at the high school years before and kind of mentors him through some of this journey. And one of the questions he asks is you know, what would it look like if you focused on you? Right? What would it look like to actually win that pursuit? And like a lot of us, like bear struggles. Like the reason I wrote these next two books is because I struggle with comparison. I struggle with it sometimes with other speakers, with friends. I've gotten to a healthy spot to where I celebrate others, I cheer others on. I have more of the mentality of good for them than must be nice. And so I lean into that. It becomes real, it becomes real, it becomes real, it becomes real. And that's it. But I when I was younger, like I didn't. Like I've I've told this story. Uh I might have told it in Lead Better Now, my second book, but like my senior year of high school, the last home game we had, we were going to the playoffs. I got a concussion, I got drilled right before halftime. And so I had to sit out the first playoff game. And I remember my backup went on and had the game of his life, probably the best game he ever had in his career. And he was a year younger than me. And I'm sitting on the sidelines, like, man, I'm happy we won because I get to play again, but like I'm not overly excited because I'm worried. Like, what about my position? Like instead of that. And I remember my center, who was one of my best friends in high school, came up to me after the game because he could see it on my face. Like I was happy, but like it was forced. And he was like, dude, this is your team. Like, we're you're back next week. We got the win for you. Like, let's go. And I just remember in that moment, like I was being a crappy teammate because I really wanted him to do okay, but I didn't want him to be great. And that was cheating everyone else. And so that's always stuck with me as like a pain point. And so I'm like, how does somebody in that situation accept the role and then want to own that role in that moment, knowing it puts you in the best position later?

SPEAKER_00:

You're dropping so many good nuggets that I my pen can't write fast enough. But one of the words I just wrote down was accept. And I think that there's a lot of toxic positivity out there, and there's a lot of coaches that are gonna teach some things that might be more harmful than helpful. And one of the things that I have a beef with is when coaches say be a good teammate without teaching them how. And what you just beautifully articulated was when you are competing against you, you're taking the comparison off of your teammates, you know you're competing, and that frees you up to be a good teammate. But the reason I wrote down the word accept is because you had to accept what position you were in, right? And I think sometimes when we tell our athletes, for any athlete that's listening, when we say be a good teammate, if you just struck out or you got pulled from the mound and you immediately try to jump into being a good teammate without acknowledging that that situation sucked or the brevity of it or a concussion or whatever that situation, we're not saying you have to immediately jump into being a good teammate without doing the inner work. And what you're saying is when you are competing with yourself, it's easier to be a good teammate.

SPEAKER_01:

It's it's much easier, you know. You know, from a high level, the way we walk through the compete framework to kind of tease a little bit of the book is is it's the word compete. And so C, we've talked about a little bit, clarify the game you're in. But the P for me is position. And it's really about owning your starting position because we can't start from where we wish we would, right? Or we wish we were. And for a lot of us, we don't like the starting position we're in. And it becomes our excuse, right? Well, if I was this, you know, if I was the starter, I'd work harder in the offseason, or if I was the senior, I'd work harder, but I'm only a freshman. I have time. And we never accept where we are in that moment and to that point. Like it's not escaping reality, but it's accepting reality and then saying, what's still in my control? And the example I always love with this, and and for some people, it may it may stick to to register for a minute, but but there's two I always think of when it comes to this. The first is a guy named Paul Heipler. Paul played at Abilene Christian, he was a basketball player, and in 2021, he was the face of ACU during March Madness. If you watched the basketball tournament, opening round, ACU was a 14 seed, and they upset the University of Texas, which was a three-seed. And if you turned on Sports Center, CBS Sports, newspapers, you saw Paul. Every time the cameras went to him, Paul's jumping up and down, he's high-fiving, he's screaming, he's celebrating, doing the horns down, right? Paul never played a second that night. He didn't ever get on the court during game time. And what was fascinating is if they had lost, it was his last game. He knew going into that game, his coach was like, hey, you're probably not gonna play tonight unless you know we're up huge or we're down big and there's like 10 seconds left, kind of deal. He said, But Paul knew his role that night was to be a great teammate. And so every time Texas brought the ball down, he was yelling, he was screaming, he was pointing out things that they were doing when they'd have timeouts, he was in the huddle with water. He knew my job tonight as a great teammate is not to play. My job tonight is to be a great teammate and support. And then he owned it and he was the face. And I usually when I tell athletes, I'm like, man, if you're in March Madness and your team pulls one of the biggest upsets and you're on the cover of every magazine sports center, would you take that? And everybody's like, yeah. I'm like, cool. What if it means you never play? Because people want the glory, right? They don't want to own that role. The other one I think of if you're a football fan, is Jalen Hurts. Dude got pulled after an incredible freshman year at halftime of the national championship game, right? Get yanked. Then he stayed. Not only did he get pulled at halftime of the national championship game, he stayed at that school for the following season. He accepted his my role is to be a backup and figure out how to get better. How come I wasn't at the level I needed to be? Then he transferred and played his last season at OU, but he didn't immediately jump like a lot of athletes do today. Oh, I lost my job, I'm out. He said, What do I need to do to continue getting better? And now he's one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL, he's a Super Bowl champion. But I always go back to that moment, and I think I even put a video on YouTube, like the next night was like, tell your kids to watch Jalen Hurts, like how he handled the disappointment in the biggest game of his life. And I think if more athletes did this, and I talked to a former NFL guy yesterday about this, and it was like you got to deal with sometimes not being the star and going on a hit list streak and not just blaming the coach, like you got to understand, hey, this is right now, nobody's swinging the bat but me when I'm in the box, and something's not working. So I gotta own the fact that right now what I'm doing hasn't been working. So what do I need to step back and learn? And how can I be coached? And instead of looking for an easy way out, how do I dig in and say, where do I need to get better mentally and physically? And I think that's the thing that separates it because just like you you laughed about this before we got online. Kiddo is sick, your office is a mess, but you still got the work done because that's life. In life, you have to say this is the reality of the situation I'm in. What can I still do to improve it? And you just roll with it, and that's why you're successful. That's why other people that have that attitude are successful, and a lot of people wonder why I am not at that level. It's because you have to own where you are and then work to make it better.

SPEAKER_00:

And the goal of life is not to be comfortable, the goal of life is not to be comfortable.

SPEAKER_01:

The biggest goal of life is to, and I've figured this out, but it's to get really clear on what's the game you want to win and focus on that. Because I think a lot of us are we're trying to win a game that we really don't want to win. We just think it's gonna fulfill us, make us popular, do whatever. Doesn't matter if we're talking softball, World Series, Super Bowl, Academy Award, you name it. There are plethora of people who have won those awards, that championship, that trophy, and within two days have realized this didn't fulfill me the way I wanted. Right. It's the pursuit of getting better that I actually love.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Well, the immediate example that I use all the time is Geordie Ball. Geordie Ball is player of the year, freshman of the year, two-time natty champ. And the way that she describes that feeling, that weight of winning a national championship was you wake up the next day and yeah, it's still fresh, you're celebrating, but your next meeting, your next practice, your next lifting session is already on the calendar, and now it's an expectation of like we gotta do it again. And it's like that that game, that level. I I wrote her name down twice. The example that I also use with Geordie Ball, and this goes back to the previous conversation, is everybody's playing a different game, but and I could use an example, you know, in your life with somebody else who's a speaker and an author, and this idea of comparison. But let's say you were a softball pitcher and Geordie Ball decides to transfer to your school. Now that one of the best pitchers in the country transfers to your school, if that's tied to your worth, does that automatically mean that you're now a bad pitcher? It sounds absurd. That's what the brain tells us that if somebody better comes along, that automatically makes us less than, and it's it's a it's a lie.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a lie, it's a lie. And and I think about because I've had a front row seat to it being both my parents went to Texas Tech. And not only did the softball team add the Stanford pitcher who took them all to the way to the championship, but they added like five or six all-Americans this offseason with their NIL. So you have some players coming in that come with accolades and a lot of money, and there's players on that team who are West Texas kids, just like you have kids in Nebraska who are on that team, and they're not gonna transfer, they're not gonna get an NIL to go somewhere, like they're gonna stay there. Are they suddenly bad players? No, but they have to accept okay, if I want to compete now, I have to raise my game. And there are people in football that we're watching right now that got paid a lot of NIL money to transfer schools, and they're not starting. In fact, I think the backup in Oregon was paid a lot of money to come to Oregon. He's not touching the field because the quarterback ahead of him is playing well, and so you have that problem, you have that mentality. Because for a lot of softball players and baseball and football, they see somebody coming in and think, well, they're getting paid, and you know, can't compete with them. And it's no different than if you're a scholarship or you're a walk-on player facing a scholarship player, right? Scholarship players have some perks and advantages, and coaches look a little bit different, but it doesn't keep a walk-on from outperforming them and getting on the field.

SPEAKER_00:

And I would say, who's more hungry?

SPEAKER_01:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Right? Like I'm I'm betting on the walk-on, like somebody with a story, and and I think adversity makes us hungry. I think challenge makes us hungry. And based on this conversation, is if you choose to let it, comparison can make you hungry in the right way.

SPEAKER_01:

It can make you hungry. And we we tell people there's two people you should always have from a comparison standpoint when you understand what's the game I want to play, and I'm competing with myself. The first is you need a North Star, right? Who's your cat? Uh, who's your cat osterman? Who's your like benchmark? This is the Jenny Finch. This is the person I want to be, this is what it looks like to be an elite softball player. Then who's the person that's just three percent ahead of me? Like they're just a little bit better in maybe how they hit a curve. They're just a little bit better in how they dig uh those ground balls. Because what happens is the North Star becomes your standard of this is what excellence looks like that I need to work to improve. But the person ahead of you is almost like the person you're playing tag with. They do that really well. Okay, I need to improve my habits of when I see a ground ball. I need to improve my habits of when I step into the box, right? And then once you catch up with them, who's my next 3%? Because the small wins actually keep us motivated when you start to over time inch away at it and improve. And then at the whole time you're looking at, okay, what does excellence look like? How do I continue to get to that level? That's how you start to grow because it goes back to you know Ben Hardy's and Dan Sullivan's, but gap in the gain, right? Because then you can look back and say, okay, where have I come from? Where am I still going? Like then you stay motivated in that tension of gratitude.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I love that you I've been talking a lot about the gap in the gain with a lot of my clients too. What what do you feel like is your big takeaway from the gap in the gain? Because I use it more for the gain, right? Of like, I think females especially don't celebrate the game, and we only focus on how far we have to go, which is the gap. And so we like to look at the gain a lot.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, it's interesting. I I'm way more likely to struggle uh looking at the game. Like I'm similar to you, I'm looking at the gap. Where am I trying to go? And my coach was really adamant about me working through that process of like, look at where you are now. Look at what you're doing now. And that was something honestly, I've taken really to heart this year. Um, when I came into this year of 2025, I worked with um, I literally sat down with a therapist for a little bit of the year because I was like, hey, I think it's gonna be big year, and I just kind of emotionally life want to get everything together. And then a mental performance coach of like, hey, here's here's what I just kind of want to fine-tune. Both of them, as well as another friend, were like, hey, what we what we want to see from you this year is more of you on social, like how you post, how you show up. And one of my friends put it really well. She said, You've worked really hard to get to where you are, that in your head you're still not where you ultimately want to be. And so you're showing up as this person trying to prove you can still do it versus just being you.

SPEAKER_00:

You already are.

SPEAKER_01:

Because, yeah, because you already are. And so I really took that to heart. And so this year has been, how do I live more in gratitude? And not, and I say this for our listeners because I have to clarify for people, gratitude does not mean complacency, it does not mean you take your foot off the gas, right? When you step in the batter's box and you're grateful to be there, you're gonna dig in and hit the ball as hard as you can because you're excited about the opportunity. And that's the complete opposite of when you step in the box and you're afraid. You're afraid of losing the opportunity, right? You either operate out of gratitude when you perform or you operate out of fear. And so for me, it's how do I operate out of gratitude? How do I make sure that on my desk or on my wall, like I have pictures of some of those first keynotes or little reminders, like in my talks, like I talk about some of my early days. Like I never want to forget some of those moments. And so I continually try to remind myself of where I've come from as I look at it, of where we're trying to go. And I think that's a really helpful way to keep me grounded in that process because yeah, we're all high performers, and high performers have places they want to go and things they want to do, and we're never really satisfied. Like we want to keep climbing. But if we don't celebrate the growth and the gain, then we're gonna be miserable. And it doesn't matter because there's no there, right? There's no finish line, no championship, no nothing that's gonna fully quench us. And so if we realize that, then you start to celebrate both sides a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00:

I love this gratitude emotion. And you know what it made me think of? And this is like kind of unfair. All of our athletes that we coach, they have an unfair advantage because they're in a season of life where they have parents and coaches. Did you hear what you said? If we want to coach, and like granted, our parents are our support system, but let's be real, our parents don't really understand our businesses half as much because of technology. We, I mean, I wish I could go back to 16-year-old A B and like have my mom like pointing those things out to me. Now we we have to find our wins, find our gratitudes. Like, we don't have anybody, you know, tucking us in at night telling us you did a good job today, honey. Like, we have to manufacture that.

SPEAKER_01:

You 100%. And it's also why it's really important. And we talk about the E in my framework is your environment, your social environment, being around the right people. I know you go to conferences, there's masterminds, like you're honestly constantly leveling up because the people around you who are leveling up with you are gonna celebrate that and they're gonna remind you.

SPEAKER_00:

I am the smallest this year. I have done some crazy things where I have been a tiny little potato fleck in a field of massive potato chips. Love it. Like, whoo, love it. But so, okay, so I kind of want to go there because this is like this is a in real-time A-B download for a lot of our audience. We have half parents and half players, half athletes. And so, what would be your advice to parents of like, okay, your athlete is probably not gonna go out and hire a performance coach themselves? You're the parent, you're gonna probably be hiring a performance coach or investing in a book or a program. And so, what can parents do better to support, like we had talked about the gap, the gain, the gratitudes, the praises, see how far you've come. Like you've had those people in your life. So, how can these parents do a better job of being that?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I would say there's probably two areas I think we can do better. Um, and I'm gonna step back and preface this. I am a dog dad. I am a dog dad. I have no human babies. That said, I've been very fortunate to witness some great parents, and some of my best friends are. And I also spend a lot of time studying psychology and leadership and all this stuff. So here's what I've seen and know continual praise of process. We know the harder we praise outcomes, hits, games one, all of that, the more our kids are likely to develop a fixed mindset and associate your love and affection with outcomes that are out of their control. And so the better we we praise how did you show up? Hey, man, that second inning, I that was tough. But man, I loved watching how you rebounded in the third with your attitude and your hustle. Like those are the things that help to tell them this is what matters. The other piece is not forcing something on them. Typically, what I would love to see is no different than what I'd love to see in corporate. Ask questions, really get curious of like, hey, I've heard you talk about wanting to do this. Would it be helpful if we found somebody or resource that could help you with that? Versus, hey, I got this mental performance coach to work with you because we want to see you go to college. Like you're forcing that on them versus allowing them to be empowered and making the decision of, yeah, I would, I would love that, right? Because they need to be a part of it. They need to have buy-in versus it being forced on them. And so I think that part of the process of finding, and there's there's so many, uh, man, you're an incredible resource. There's some great books and podcasts out there that even parents just listening to of how to better ask some of these questions for your athlete because man, kids today are putting so much pressure on themselves.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's amplified with social, it's amplified with rankings, it's amplified with NIL. There's a lot going on right now. And let's just factor in the truth of what 2020 to 2022 and three did for that two to three year gap for a lot of these athletes from a social dynamic standpoint and and social relationships and mental health. That I think getting really good about getting their buy-in and part of the decision-making process of hey, if you want to coach, I found three really good ones. What if we interview each and see who you like the best, right? Hey, I just heard about this book on Fearless Fast Pitch Podcast. I'm gonna read it. Might be something you're interested in. Hey, you know, I've heard you talk about comparing yourself. Maybe we could do it together. Like little things like that are where I think there's a lot of value in that process. It's one of the reasons, like, we have a discussion guide for parents and coaches. If you want to take your team or your athlete through this book of just like, here's some questions to ask so that you're not having to force anything on them because they're already amplifying the pressure. And I mean, I even say this from a female perspective. If you've ever read the book Top Dog, uh The Science of Winning and Losing, it's by Ashley Merriman and Poe Bronson. It's one of my favorite books I read about every 18 months. But he talks about how men and women respond so differently to pressure and coaching. And the example he used was the famous uh Dor uh Dornson. He was the famous North Carolina soccer coach, won a bajillion um national championships. But for a while he coached men and women both. He coached both teams. The men, he could come into the locker room, throw chairs, scream, cuss. The guys would respond, jacked up. Let's go. If he did it to the women's team, they'd shut down because they already put so much pressure on them in the moment. So he learned to make practices incredibly difficult. He would yell. He would be really hard on them in practice. And in games, he wouldn't have to say anything because he knew they were going to carry themselves and handle their pressure differently. And so that's understanding our athletes as well. Because some of our parents may have a softball player, but they may also have a football player or a basketball player. And our kids always respond differently to those things. And so the more curious we can be about asking questions versus feeling like we have to have the answer, I think the better we set the kids up for success.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think it opens up the lines of communication and it creates that common language. Whereas, like I've always given the example of, you know, if you buy your daughter a book, how often does that thing collect dust on her nightstand versus if you're doing something with her, right? And that's like monkey see, monkey do, right? So if you want your kids to eat healthy, you're gonna have to eat healthy. If you want your kids to practice in the backyard, like does it really hurt you to do it with her, you know? And yeah, I think you bring up some awesome points. So yeah, praise of process and not forcing things. And I I love Jesse Isler's stance. I've followed his philosophies. I mean, he's by no means a sports guru, but all he does every day is just 15 to 20 minutes in the backyard with his kids. And he's trust me, his kids are multi-sport athletes, and that is worth far more as a connection point for parents than forcing them to go to the cages for two hours on a Saturday morning when they don't want to wake up.

SPEAKER_01:

So okay. So I I want I want to piggyback on it that exact line because I was I was interviewing um Vera Joe Bustos out of New Mexico or Idaho yesterday, and we talked about the hundred-hour rule. Are you familiar with the hundred? Okay, yeah, the top five percent, right? If you break that down as a parent, it's that it's 18 to 20 minutes in the backyard every single day, right? That you want to talk about getting buy-in for your kid. It's like, hey, listen, like we can do all this. You want me the top five percent? Like, it's just 18 minutes every day. It's Paul Rabel talking about it's 30 minutes shooting 100 shots every single day throughout your high school career to put you in the top percent, and that's more fun, it's more fun when you're involved because the kid doesn't want to always do it when it's snowing and it's cold and it's rainy, but if you go out there with them, they'll do it. And for parents, like there's gonna be a day they don't want to play catch anymore. So soak up every day you can until that.

SPEAKER_00:

I would give anything, absolutely anything to be able to pitch to my dad on a bucket at a lesson in the backyard. Yeah, yeah. I'd I'd empty the bank account. Yeah, Jake, this is so good. So, what's on the docket? What's next? Um, you know, this is like a new round of the podcast. We're celebrating two years, I think, of the podcast 50k downloads. Um, so by the time that this airs, I gotta come up with a new question. And this was so cool. I don't remember who it was. Um, but he just interviewed Matthew McConaughey, and now I feel so bad that I don't know his podcast name.

SPEAKER_01:

Chris Williamson, Modern Wisdom. Yeah, maybe McConaughey's made the rounds right now with his poems and prayers book.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, so the cool thing is is he opens up the book and he says, Matthew, you get to pick the question that we ask the next guest. And I just saw this yesterday, and I thought, okay, if anyone can set us up for success, it's you, Jake. So I don't have a question to ask either. No, what's the question?

SPEAKER_01:

What's the question we want to ask the next guest? Oh, I love this. I love this idea. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

You know where this might get into trouble is it might get jumbled because now we have to like figure out the order for the podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

But you might. You might have to figure out the order.

SPEAKER_00:

Be careful. This could be the question that we ask our guests for an entire year.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. I love that. I'd see I love the pressure.

SPEAKER_00:

No pressure, Jake.

SPEAKER_01:

I love the pressure of this. I got asked a really good question the other day, and I still haven't been able to answer it. And I've got to give a shout-out, full shout out to Bobby Doyle. He's an executive coach out of North Carolina. But he essentially said, What's the question that if you had the answer to would change everything in your life? And I still haven't been able to answer that question. And he asked me, and I was like, that's a fascinating question. But what I would ask is if you if comparison was not something that would cause negative emotions. Like if we if you never heard the idea that comparison was evil, who would be the person you would compare yourself to in a good way to try to be more like? Who's the role model? Who's the benchmark that you look at? And and I and I leave this open because there could be somebody that says, I look at my cousin Billy and the way Billy fathers his three kids. And I think, man, if I can be present and ask questions and do things like him, man, good. Somebody may say it's a softball coach that they're like, I just love the way they coach or they played. It's got to be different for everybody, but it's got to be in a good way. It can't be the person that you look at and be like, oh, I wish I was them. It's like, no, like they set the standard that I want to emulate.

SPEAKER_00:

Dang that. Do you have an answer to that? Because that just struck a chord. I know immediately now who my person is.

SPEAKER_01:

I've got a few. I have a few. I think it's intentional to have targets with it. I look at my old coach Carrie for her very much clarity on business with family first. Uh, I think that's a great, great one. Um, yeah, I would I would give a shout out to Carrie on this one for that because I'm just continually reminded. Um, and as a guy who doesn't have kids, like I look at my buddy Jake and his kids, Bryce and Cam, and I'm like, man, if I ever had kids, like I want a parent like you do. Like you just love what your kids. And I tell him that. And so that's like if you're listening to this, if you've never told the person that you would immediately think of, or you could, like, here's an encouragement.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, there's your there's your homework.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean, I'll share immediately when you started saying of like somebody that you instead of getting annoyed that you're not them, some somebody in my life that always makes me a better parent and a better person is my husband.

unknown:

Love it.

SPEAKER_00:

And we are polar opposites, and I'm quick to make decisions, and he really likes to think about things. And and I think that's what makes the world go round is that people who are opposite of us really make us slow down and think. And who knows where I would be without my husband. But I'm a huge risk taker. I like to move fast, and sometimes that's to a detriment. So I'm working on slowing down, being more patient, and he's an amazing dad. So love it. Shout out to you, Nolan. Now he's gotta now he's gotta listen to this podcast episode.

SPEAKER_01:

Now he's gotta listen to the episode.

SPEAKER_00:

Jake, this was so so good. I can't wait till you come back to Nebraska. Where can we follow? I know we'll link it below, but where where are you most active on socials?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, most active on Instagram and LinkedIn. Uh Jake Thompson speaks is my username on there. Um, if you're a parent or a coach, I had a quote that went viral the other day that I'd encourage you to get on, but just talks about you want a coach that's gonna tell you the truth because if a coach ignores you, it's not a good thing, right? Like that's it. So um, yeah, follow me on Instagram, shoot me a DM. Uh, if anything we talked about, you have questions on, and then my website, competeveryday.com, super easy to find, but you can pre-order the line and keep an eye out for beat yesterday when it drops in March.

SPEAKER_00:

I love it. That was my next question is we got to get access to your book. So we'll link that when it comes out in the show notes below. So Jake, we rock. Thanks so much. Thanks for having me.

Contributor

Amanda Schaefer

Host