The Fearless Warrior Podcast

129: Leadership With Less Drama: Knowing The 3 Voices with Janet McCormick

• Amanda Schaefer

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In this episode of the Fearless Warrior Podcast, I sit down with Janet McCormick, a Mental Performance Coach, to explore what truly separates good athletes from great ones. We dive into the hidden mental barriers athletes face, why “working harder” isn’t always the answer, and how coaches and players can better communicate, lead, and grow together.

Episode Highlights:

  • The unseen mental side of athletic performance
  • A different way to think about leadership on teams
  • What sustains team culture
  • Simple shifts that can change how athletes compete

Connect with Janet:

IG: @mindovertalent

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AB

Today's guest is Janet McCormick, owner and coach at Mind Over Talent. As a certified mental performance coach, she is passionate about helping athletes unlock their full potential from the inside out. She's also a former division one lacrosse player, and she's experienced firsthand how the lack of mental training can impact performance, fueling her mission to help athletes develop the mental skills they need to succeed. With over 15 years of experience in education, coaching youth, and high school athletics, she now empowers athletes to build confidence, resilience, and a strong mindset. She also happens to be a great friend of mine and inspires me to up my game as a coach and as a leader in this space all the way from Maryland. Janet, welcome to the Fearless Warrior Podcast.

Janet

Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be here.

AB

So this is really funny because I've known you for a couple years now and I don't know why it never dawned on me to ask you more about your past. You played division one lacrosse, a sport that if you're in the Midwest, you're like, what's lacrosse? But if you're on the East Coast, is it popular on the West Coast too?

Janet

It's becoming incredibly popular. Yeah.

AB

Okay. But you're in like the mecca, the hotspot of lacrosse.

Janet

Correct. So, um, I'm from Baltimore, so that is truly where like women's lacrosse was born in America. So lacrosse is America's oldest sport, um, given to us. Um. By the Native Americans and is, um, just incredible history of the sport itself and women's lacrosse specifically. So for those of you who aren't familiar with lacrosse, um, we like to say that men's lacrosse and women's lacrosse are the same sport, but they're different games. So what I mean by that is, for instance, how softball and baseball are similar. In a lot of ways, but they like have different names. It's not like girls baseball and boys baseball, like we are one sport in lacrosse. But the only thing that's the same for boys and girls lacrosse is the gold. The crease around it, and even the crease where it is on the field isn't the same. We have different number of people on the field. We use a different ball. It is the same weight. Um, the rules are incredibly different. The equipment is the number one thing that people notice is different strategies, all those things. So women's lacrosse is the closest to what the Native Americans used to play. Um, the Haudenosaunee are the ones who gave us this game that's like most close to here. And the history of it is just incredibly rich and, um, wonderful. It's called the Creator's Game. It was a medicine, um, game given like to us by the creator, a way to share love. It was also used in war as a way to like, fight over land. Um, just the, the history is wild.

AB

Can we go back? Can we, I, let's go, let's duke it out on the lacrosse field. That would be way more effective.

Janet

Way more effective. And so to the point of, um, so there's no boundaries when it was first played and when I first played the game, and I'm dating myself or anyone who knows lacrosse, I didn't play with boundaries. So like. If you can imagine playing basketball and there's just like, no out of bounds. That's basically what I did on the field. So they would have like natural boundaries, meaning we're not gonna let you run into a tree. So the ref was in charge of like, there's a trash can here and there's a tree over here. So like they'll blow the whistle and bring you in, but you could legitimately chuck the ball wherever you wanted and just the fastest human would go get it. And so that's where I started playing this game when I was in,

AB

even in college,

Janet

even at that point, even in college, everywhere.

AB

Wow.

Janet

And so the one thing that is, um, both incredibly amazing and probably incredibly frustrating for many lacrosse parents is they change the rules every year. Um, because this game is just, is growing so fast, it's growing in other parts, like you said, in California, in the Midwest. Um, and USA lacrosse is really trying to bring the sport everywhere. It's has been one of the fastest growing team sports in the US for a number of years. Part of what that journey is is making the rules more accessible to people, um, easier to learn. And what I love about coaching the sport itself is unlike a sport like soccer that has really refined skills of like footwork or even in softball where it's like, okay, batting is like a very specific skill that you really need to hone lacrosse. If you can throw a ball, like the same mechanics that you use teaching a throw, that's the same mechanics I teach throwing with the lacrosse. Like all of the footwork in defense comes from basketball. All of the field vision comes from soccer and field hockey. So you really can wrap all of these things into the sport, which is part of why I love

AB

if you wanted to pick it up, you can pick it up.

Janet

And so there's lots of people who don't pick it up really, really early and who come to it later for lots of different reasons. And so anyway, yes, I am from the mecca of lacrosse. Um, you wouldn't know it, but I. Really was the only lacrosse player in my family and, um, sort of stumbled upon it because of neighborhood friends and ended up, um, earning a division one scholarship at the University of Connecticut. And so that's where I went to play. Um, go Huskies, especially March Madness Time. It's where we do basketball in stores and um, but we also played lacrosse and a lot of other sports. So it was a really incredible opportunity and, um, sort of my. Background of why I fell into this work came really from that first moment. And I got a full scholarship to attend, um, Yukon, and I actually had no idea going in, um, that, you know, that was a big deal. I knew it was a big deal. It was a big deal to me, but I didn't know. It wasn't like there's a million other people in the world that like that happened to. It's not something that I, I went to school with seven other girls who went to play division lacrosse, but scholarships was certainly not discussed nor like. Amounts and none of those things. So I had no assumptions about what was normal or not normal. Um, but going in my freshman year, I found out that I was the only person on the team with a full scholarship. Wow. And that probably was never supposed to be like, I probably was never supposed to find that out, I'm sure. Um, and when I first sort of like processed that, to be honest, I kind of was like, oh, like that's pretty amazing. Like, and I used it as a confidence booster and didn't really feel the pressure of. Kind of what that meant. But what did happen was I sort of switched, um, my relationship with what that scholarship meant. Mm-hmm. And so I felt like I really needed to give them like a full scholarship level of givebacks. And so, um, I, you know, dove heavy into the SAC Student Athlete Advisory Committee and, um, ser service hours and volunteering sort of in any way that I could. But it was the on field payback that I really started to feel that pressure. And my freshman year, I got really great water break minutes, um, and sort of I did what I needed to do, but I thought that was like enough. Um, and my assistant coach called me in at the end of the season and I thought she would gimme like the normal freshman. Like, okay, good job being a freshman. And she told me she was leaving and she was my like, closest coach. And then she told me that like, um, that I didn't do enough and that she was like kind of disappointed that I didn't do more. And I was like.

AB

Ugh.

Janet

Oh my gosh.

AB

What a bomb to drop. Yeah. And she's leaving

Janet

and she's like, oh, by the, this

AB

is after your freshman year?

Janet

Mm-hmm.

AB

Okay.

Janet

Um, and, and like she followed, I mean, I, at that moment was like, okay, A, don't cry. B like you are crying. So like, wipe the tears away. and C like, listen, because she was the one who brought me to Yukon and, and believed in me so much and had supported me. And so I was like, if sh if there's something I need to hear, She's only telling me'cause I need to hear this. And so basically she was like, you, you did what was asked. And then that's it. And she was like, it's gonna take more. And you are amazing and you were amazing in high school, but you are gonna need to, to give more of yourself and you're gonna need to stretch, like go outside of your comfort zone and um. So that, you know, invest in your teammates more, um, invest in yourself more. And so I left freshman year being like, okay, like I was told to work harder basically is like what I heard in that message, like first and foremost. And so I did that and came back and I earned a starting spot my sophomore year and was great. And then after my second game, I tore my ACL and so I was like, oh, okay. Another sort of. Punch in the gut. Um, but I sort of took that same message of okay, just work harder and like I did and I came back my junior year and I had my starting spot again. And that's actually where like my mental struggles really began. Um, that I didn't know then. But now sort of looking back, because I. Felt, again, this pressure of like, okay, well now you only have two years to give them what you're, you're gonna do. I hadn't decided if I was gonna take my fifth year and here they are paying you all this money to be able to get this great education and you've been out for two years. So like, show up right now and, and ball out and. I did well, um, like I earned, you know, awards and whatnot and my senior year was a captain and I definitely performed, but I constantly had this battle back and forth with my coaches of like, they wanted me to do more and they wanted me to take more risks. And, um, my coach, every year, my, one of my assistants would. Tell me to be like Alan Iversson. She'd be like, you know how like he just like takes the ball and he just like, does things like you can just do things like make things happen. Like that's what we want from you and I. And, and I'd say, okay. And I, I know in my head I was like, well, I'm not doing that. Like there's no way. Like, that's not for me. I will make the safe pass and I will make the safe play and I will do, I'll work my tail off to get a ground ball or a draw control. But I am like, my shooting percentage was like 70%, like wildly high and. Because I was unafraid, I was too afraid to like take the risks of like the bad shot. And I was like, I'll just, I'd rather make the pass and let them do it. And I didn't know those things. And so it just became like more of the same. And, um, my position changed when I went to college. So that was sort of another thing that we just sort of pointed at of like, oh, well again, in lacrosse arms, like I used to play behind the. So in lacrosse, you, um, like imagine being able to play behind a soccer goal, like the field extends beyond the goal. So I played from x from behind and it's a really different view. And, and in college I played up top'cause I was a midfielder. I ran both sides of the field. And so we just sort of were like, oh, the struggle is because you're not as comfortable, let's just. Work on it more. Let's do more individuals, let's do more lessons. And I, of course was like, yeah, that's definitely the problem. Um, and it wasn't, and I, again, I know that now, but, um, I sort of left college. Thinking that I, you know, was excited, well, left my like four years thinking I was excited to do my fifth because I, I had more to give and I was not ready. Um, but unfortunately the day before my senior year, I tore my other ACL and so I didn't get that chance the same way. And I think it sort of, sort of left this. There was more for me to give in that, in my head and in my heart. And so when I became a coach, I started seeing so much of what I went through with my athletes and that's what sort of led me down this path of like, okay, I have to be able to, I, I didn't, I wasn't able to help myself the way that I wanted to, but like, I have to be able to help, you know, these kids. So, so I got here,

AB

I have learned more about you on this podcast in the container of like, we don't have time to talk about some of these things, but I wanted to point out. This is Janet. When you said my shooting percentage was too high, my brain went to, what do you mean? That's like saying your batting average is too high or what? Whatever. What you're saying is because you're shooting percentage was at 70%, you weren't taking enough risks, and so therefore you're shooting percentage. It would actually be okay if it was lower. Mm-hmm. So how often do we get so stuck on hanging our hat on the statistics, but that here you're saying I could have done more

Janet

and that's, I was so proud of that percentage and so like that meant so much to me because it felt like I was elite at that and yeah. Therefore like valuable or worthy or you name it. Um, and. Again, looking back, it, what I know of my coach telling me to be the iversson was that like, clearly I could have done more. Yeah. And that I had the skills to do it and they trusted me and, and that's wonderful. But I didn't trust myself to go into that zone of like, it would've been okay. And you know, now what I teach girls especially sort of in the same place that I was, um, you know, again, in lacrosse terms of. If you go with the intention of going to make the shot and it becomes not there, you'll find another path. Mm-hmm. And instead, I, I started the play with, well, I'm gonna find another path to start with. And I think that's the biggest difference that I. Really didn't understand in college. Again, just sort of the approach, the mental approach to how I was attacking, um, the job and with really the outcome, that stat, that performance outcome, like as the number one indicator instead of so many other things.

AB

Right and to no fault of their own, your coaches were trying to communicate, trying to pull that potential out of you. And I think what's so heartbreaking is you, we can't fault previous generations of coaches and we can't even fault current coaches. You work with tons of teams. Educating coaches on this, educating parents on this, working with players on this is, yeah. But how that, that sounds great, coach Janet, but how, and I think what we can start to kind of bridge the gap and why you and I are so passionate about all of this is we know what that gap is. Mm-hmm. And it's kind of rhetorical. We can laugh. The whole podcast, the whole reason that our both of our businesses exist is because we're here to educate more people on the mental side of the game. But the question always stems from, yeah, but how, and I, and I think if you're listening to this, you know that you know the value of it. And hopefully you've invested in either one-to-one coaching or if you're a coach listening to this. Get a mental performance coach into your program, build the culture. And so that's why I wanted to have this conversation with you today because your zone of genius, and I've loved watching you expand your, your offers and how you serve teams. You're like the culture and leadership guru. So let's just pivot the conversation. What if, if you could stand on your TED Talk, stand on your soapbox. Like what are coaches getting wrong when it comes to, they say they have culture, but really. If they don't, or they say they want leadership, but they're just slapping a title on captains and calling it leadership.

Janet

I'll start with the leadership first.'cause I think it really builds into culture. Um, and so I think the number one mistake that I see coaches making is that they are focused on the children who have the labels. And so even if we get it right, we select the right captains and they are the right kids. And that's amazing. Um, leadership, like everyone is a leader. Like leadership is a spectrum and everyone's on that spectrum, wherever they are and whatever growth that looks like. And I think that coaches are. Had such limited time, first of all, like so, so much respect. And so they are like, okay, my leaders are the captains. They're the ones that people look up to. They're the ones that are doing the jobs. They're like, great, so let's give them more instruction and more support. And that's. Fair. My argument is that if we can create an entire team of leaders who have their sphere of in influence, that is like all overlapping and we're all going towards the right direction. One, your job when you become a captain becomes so much simpler because you've already been doing the work and you already are, um, understanding like. The natural ways that you show up as a leader and the ways that you, you know, everyone sort of shows up in their own way in leadership and we can start to stretch and grow intentional leadership. And so if we can build that before we're a captain, then one, the label of captain and job really becomes for lacrosse. Okay, we're gonna coin flip. We're gonna pick a side. We're gonna organize some like bonding activities, but the job of leadership is carried by many. And so that's where I would say like my soapbox would begin because if all of us are carrying the burden of leadership, then we are easily able to carry the burden of culture. And I think that culture is something that we love to say and love to do in preseason and like, okay, we just made the team, let's slap up the Post-it note, giant post note. I'm all write the culture stuff and we'll sign it and it's amazing. And then we forget to live it. And bring life to it, and then course correct. Daily, weekly, whatever it looks like, because like life happens and a lot of times that piece of paper gets put in the locker room or somewhere and we might see it and we might live up to 25, 50, 70 5% on a great team, but. How intentional are we being? And, and if we do, then it tends to fall to the shoulders of the coaches and the captains and maybe the seniors. And so that is, I think for me, the biggest help that I try to bring, um, to teams is like, um. Yes, I work with them with identifying their culture, but I find that most coaches that I work with feel really good about they, they know what kind of culture they want, usually is a positive one. That's why I'm there. They, they have that buy-in, but it's the, now what do we do with it and how do we make sure this becomes like something that is actually exist and that if I were to come visit you for a day, I could see it. And then, and that's I think is just such an important piece of my relationship with teams when I come in to work with them.

AB

Absolutely. And the phrase that is like burned into my brain every time I talk to a coach, especially college coaches, is Coach Janet. We want a player led team. We want a player led team. But their idea of a player led team is gear and uniforms and side of the, the whatever sideline or which dugout we're gonna choose. And I love what you said about A, it's overlapping, and B, it's carried by many. Mic drop, right? Like that would alleviate so much of the athlete's anxiety because when we talk about leadership inside the Fearless Warriors, I ask them, how many of you guys are afraid to speak up? And that's a common fear. I don't wanna be the, the jerk. I don't wanna be. The snob. I don't wanna be the tattle tale. I don't wanna be. A big thing for us in the softball world is in between tournament games when it's time to go warm up. Hey guys, we gotta warm up now we gotta put our cleats on. Nobody wants to be the jerk. And so that's how they identify with leadership, is like, I don't wanna be the boss. I don't wanna be made fun of. So can you kind of talk about this from a player's perspective?

Janet

Absolutely. So, uh, one of the activities I like to talk about is, so finding your voice and finding like how to use it, I think is, is one of those things, those lessons in leaderships that like, I find really important and valuable, especially if you're not an extrovert. And so using your voice doesn't just like come to you. And even extroverts need this by all means because we all have sort of default voices when we do decide to use it. And um, the three ways that I like to talk about this are using our voice, to support one another, to hold a standard or to create a spark and that, um. The support is the one that I think most people are most comfortable with is, you know, finding support for your teammates. You see, they're having a bad day. They've had a bad at bat. They missed the shot. They are getting rid, ridden by the coach. You name it, right? It's like, Hey, I got you. Shake it off. It's, it's all those things. That's leadership and I think really underlining that for them, because that's a choice. They don't have to do that, and. Then how you stretch that just one step further is, okay, well think about in your last practice, who did you do that for? And a lot of times it's like, okay, you're friends, or you're the person that plays your position, or whatever. It's like, okay, well next practice, I want you to pick three different people and watch them. Watch them throughout practice and see when they need you. See when they need that supportive voice. And can you stretch yourself into making that connection? On like a high school team that's gonna look like different grades, that's gonna look like different circles on a club team. It's gonna look like we all, you know, on club teams tend to have these natural click forms that just for lots of reasons, you know? And so that's gonna stretch you outside of that little space into maybe a space that you're. Don't feel as comfortable or maybe you don't feel as confident, but again, that's growth in your leadership. So that's my, your support, voice, voice. You have your standard voice, which is by far, I think the majority of, um, especially middle school to high school age, um, difficult voice, which is holding the standard of the team. So that's like, it's time to work up, warm up or, you know, we, we are bringing the energy that we need or I need you to stop talking, or whatever sort of that looks like. Um, and there are some people on a team that, that is their. Like default voice. And like you and I have talked about it, that like when you enter meetings, you're like, let's go like the, the side distractions like are easier for you to ignore because you're there to like make things go. And when some girls show up to practice, they're there for like, it's job day for them, like it's job time. Like they're locked in and they're loaded. And so. When they are using their voice, it's, I'm keeping everyone in line like I'm the border colleague of this group. And it's like, get, get back in. Get back in. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if that becomes their job exclusively and no one else supports them in that, then that can feel really lonely and can also begin to change their dynamics with people. And so we want to like bring people aware about, again, people's voices. And then the other one is a spark. Do you want me to pause?

AB

So before you go to Spark? Yeah. I just had an epiphany on this as a Type A. Even in college I noticed this, and again, going back and retroactively thinking about situations that we've been in. You said holding the standard of the team, and here's where drama happens. If there's no standard. Then AB is just being a jerk because she made up the standard. Correct. That's where drama comes from. Yeah. And so this is amazing because I think about the times where I struggled and I've craved to have more structure from higher ups, the coaching staff, you know, the whole team where I wasn't necessarily a upperclassmen. You can't hold a standard if you don't have a standard.

Janet

Yep.

AB

Boom. Yeah. Yep. Okay, so we can talk about Spark.

Janet

Yeah. Um, and, and that's

true,

AB

or do you have anything more on that?

Janet

Well, I would say that's, I think that is very true about why when you do have one or two only standard voices and there isn't something to point to that. That feeling for them feels really frustrated. Like standards can show up on teams and hold that standard and never be uncomfortable because they're pointing at like, co, we already decided this. Yeah. We know that we're running to and from water breaks. We know that this is what we do, so I have no problem saying it.

AB

Right.

Janet

But it's when we don't know those things or we have different points of view because it's unclear or whatever the case may be, that they start getting frustrated because they're okay re correcting people because that's like we're just keeping on board. But when. They're, they're re correcting over here or they're pointing better over there and there's no way that we should be going together. That feels really hard and frustrating. And so, like that's,

AB

it's like the middle child. Yeah. I got in trouble'cause I was the middle child and I was trying to be the mom.

Janet

Mm-hmm.

AB

So it's like, so parenting,

Janet

yeah.

AB

Your, your younger kids or your middle child is gonna try to parent the other kids. But if you have the standard, you can say, Hey. I'm the parent, you're the player. Everyone kind of falls in line according to the standard.

Janet

Mm-hmm.

AB

I would've loved more standards, I guess, in the teams that I was on, which I know now, right. As a coach and as a mental performance coach. If you're a coach and you're like, uh, we don't have a standard, or Oh, we don't have a culture, or we don't have a leadership system, it's not too late. Like it's never too late. You could be in the middle of season and you could implement some of these ideas.

Janet

And I think, and you should continue to course correct, right? Because what you decide at the beginning of and who you are, who you think you're gonna be as a team, may not be like where your strengths lie or what you need more of. And so like, I think you absolutely should, regardless of where you are in this season, just continue to ask those questions.

AB

So good.

Janet

Um, so last one is Spark. I don't wanna forget that one in case.

AB

Yep. Yep.

Janet

We're the final one. Spark is about, um, think. Shifting vibes. So we like think energy, spark, think confidence, spark, think fun, spark. Um, any of those things like we are, we are lighting that fire, lighting that spark, and this person. Um, uses their voice, whether it's like, you know, to, to lift people up when they're feeling down, which can sound like support, like these do overlap all of these. Um, but it's gonna be in the, again, like, we need you, you're so good. Like, you know, like, let's go like keep shooting. Like it's not the, you know, it's okay, let it go. Like, I'm here for you, like support, supportive, but it is this like vibe change. Um, these people, if we don't have enough of them on the team, um. Then again, really carry that energy of like, you know, if if they're down, then the whole team is down. And so we wanna, again, when I, when I talk about using our voice as a team. One of the first activities I do, you do a color one where they're like showing their color. I make them, I like say like one, two or three support standard or sports spark standard. Which one are you? And have'em look around and every team is different. And I've yet to see one that's like perfectly balanced. But I worked with a team two weeks ago who had plenty of support and standard but very little spark and one kid was like, oh my God, last year. We, we never had energy. We like couldn't get, if we just didn't show up on a, like a great day, we were screwed. And I was like,

AB

they made the connection.

Janet

They made the connection. And so, and then we learn, okay, well if that's not your default voice, how do we learn how to still do it? And, and in fact, we always try to learn the other perspective. And so the team I worked with yesterday, they only had one standard. And so we talked about like, okay. That's really important to know because it's never one person's job to bring, whether it's the energy or the support or the standard. We all have to do it. And so then we practice different scenarios that are about culture. And I always tell them first, like, I don't care if this is a good choice or a bad choice, but what would a support voice sound like? What would a standard voice sound like? What would a spark voice sound like? And then they tell me like, okay, well. What would you do? Like what would actually work for you or this team? And it's really helpful for the kids to start to figure out that even though their natural form is whatever it is, that's not always the best way. Sometimes it is, but how could they find something that still feels like them and feels comfortable and they could still support the team? And so, um, and we do lots of role playing, whether it's directly addressing the person who needs to be addressed or you're addressing, you know. Someone got their feelings hurt and you're not addressing that person. But how do you still help this person? How do you still make sure that they know the culture is important and that this is how we're living it? And so I think being able to do that and showing that that is a team thing, uh, really helps both develop leaders as they grow and show that culture is something that we're all in charge of. And so I think those are two really helpful things and helps the girls specifically. See, and I've actually done this with boys too, but most recently I've done it with girls that. Just because this is the way that I naturally show up doesn't mean that's the best way or the way that this situation needs. Um, and I think that is sometimes we just default to this is what I naturally do.

AB

And I wanna point out a key word that you said. You said the word develop and leadership and culture is something that you can develop with reps. You're having them role play. Mm-hmm. You're having them test it out. I'm sure in team sessions, do you get like awkward silences where they're like, uh.

Janet

Yep.

AB

Holding that space for them to get better at it, because it's not gonna happen in the middle of a game.

Janet

No,

AB

it's just not. Or, or in the dugout, how many times in the dugout or on the sidelines does a coach come in and say, we gotta get the energy up. Get the energy up. And it's like in real time, if you've not given them the tools to do that, if you're a coach listening to this and you're like, oh my gosh, we don't have energy on game day, or one bad thing happens and we just, right.

Janet

Yep.

AB

Having these conversations outside of it. You also got me thinking about support spark or support standard and Spark, how that relates to personality colors. And you have a dominant color, but you still have all four colors.

Janet

Mm-hmm.

AB

And immediately my brain went to, if you're listening to this and you're in the program or you've done our team training, the sparks are the oranges, hands down. Like you're just life of the party. You have no problem being the spark and the support is hands down the blue. They're the empaths. They're the ones that notice if you, Janet, if you wanted me to notice that you were down after you missed that, I, sorry, my blue is very low. I, that's not my zone of genius. That's not my priority. But if I worked with you and I understood that about myself, I would be more cognizant of it. And then I have a way to, going back to that word, literally develop the reps to be a better teammate, to be a better leader. And I think that's what this generation is craving. They want somebody to teach them.

Janet

Yes. And I think that when you ask that question in your group about like, when does that make you nervous? And it's nervous because we don't prac and like everything else in our life, we are taught, we practice, we get feedback. And so that's the, the next thing I wanted to share is when I like leave with a coach, like once I'm gone I make sure I tell the coach like, how do we use this? Workshop, how do we use these skills and practice them because this one time wasn't enough. And so like that's real for any skill that you're learning in life. And so, um, for this example, I'll talk to them about, okay, in practice, when. You're in when you shift to drills or after you've done something, if you notice something or something is wrong or you wanna get, you bring them back in, especially in the middle. Like there's times where you know things are not going great and we're like, quick pause, let me share. So instead of the, you can do the quick pause and then it's like, okay, we are, this is what I'm seeing. Enter scenario. Okay, we are flat, we are not competing as much as we should. We are not executing. Who I, I want you right now in your groups, in your grades, parent share, whatever. Give me like, I wanna spark response, I wanna support response. I want a standard, which is the right one, practice it right now and figure out in real time while they're going, like, what do you say? How do you do this? And so the coach can be addressing what they need to address and making sure that their message gets across, but also allowing the kids to practice. Like, what could you have just done before I brought you in? When you noticed that this was happening or when you saw this or, or, you know, we encourage our kids all the time to like, if they need a quick minute to gather and like, what do you say to one another and, and what voice is needed and how do you do that? And so being able to practice that and get feedback. And so when, and this is sometimes harder for the coach because they don't do it as much as we do, but it's okay to still give your kids feedback of, um, I'll use an example. One of the scenarios that I had done talked about a girl coming late from the training room and that they went together and the one girl got there really fast and the other girl took her sweet time. And so when she arrived to the field. The first girl was like, I knew that I was supposed to like hold the standard and like had said something, but what I said was just like, Hey, like you know, hurry next time. And she was like, it didn't really go anywhere. And I said, okay, you know, let's think of what would be a supportive way to like address that a little bit better. What's a spark way and what's a standard way? And so we brainstormed and she was like a supportive way I guess would be, um. You know, I, I know that sometimes you take your time and that's what you need, but I need you here. And I was like, okay. I was like, do you think you got your message across? And she was like, no. And so like that would be example of what the coach would say, even if she's like, I don't know if this is a good answer or not, or I don't know if I should correct them. Ask them back a question. Right. Do you, would that work for you? Would you have gotten the message that the team was unhappy with you being late and that you need to. To hold our standard. And so sometimes a coach can just ask them back and reflect of, would that work? How would you feel if someone said that to you? How would that work if this was our team? Um, because they do need that feedback the same way that they need, you know, you correcting their form feedback. Um, they don't always, sometimes they can do it and they'll figure out if it lands or doesn't land if it works. But so many times your seasons are so short that giving them that feedback. Is helpful.

AB

And I think that's the part that I hated as a head coach, is I would've loved to delegate the standard conversations, the disciplinary conversations. But if I knew that I had, hey, which, you know, giving them feedback, giving them these conversations and going full circle back to a player led team, you're just giving them a common language.

Janet

Mm-hmm.

AB

And when there's a common language. Then you're uniting the captains with all levels of leadership, with all grades, with all coaching staff, and then you as your, your technically coaching staff. When we're brought in as mental performance coaches, we want to feel like we're empowering the coaching staff as if we were an assistant coach on staff. We're not here to be the just the spark voice, and I think that's where mental performance gets a bad rap too, is a lot of people think that we're just in there to give them a rah rah pep talk, spark something, and leave. And it's just not, you're, you're making our case. You're making your case of like, no, if I come in and teach you this, this is how we're gonna keep keeping it top of mind. It doesn't just get shoved in a notebook at the bottom of the locker,

Janet

and I think you can go, it goes the full circle. Right? And so giving this, giving them these words and understanding, again, going back to culture and specifically the standard of us holding it together, when then that happens and someone holds you to that standard and your first emotional response is like, ugh, like. I can't believe they called me out on that, or like, I didn't wanna start my warmup. Now you also can then check that response with like, oh yeah, we have talked about this. So like, it, it does go from the team back to the individual, back to the team. And so like what you're putting into all of these different things as a coach and as an individual player, just, you know, multiplies itself when you're back together, which I think is really the power of culture when it comes down to it.

AB

So good. I see a future episode. We're gonna have to do a part two of this because I wanna be mindful of your time and we barely touched on culture. But Janet, thank you so much for sharing your stories and your background. I learned so much more about you today. Um, where, where are you the most active? Is it Instagram?

Janet

Probably Instagram, um, at my number talent is my handle. And, um, and

AB

you've been dropping some juicy fire, hilarious reels lately. So you better post some before we release this episode.'cause now the expectation is there.

Janet

Okay.

AB

Gotta keep it reel.

Janet

That's

AB

anywhere else. Anywhere else,

Janet

you know, maybe one day on TikTok, we'll see, but not yet. Um, so website. Um. Mine for talent.com and so happy to help support whether it's teams, individuals, coaches, parents, you name it.

AB

So good. And we'll link all of those below in the show notes. Janet, thank you so much for your time today.

Janet

Absolutely. Thank you again for having me. It's so fun.

Contributor

Amanda Schaefer

Host