39. [STURDY SHORT] How to Stop Taking Life So Seriously

Jess had a little extra coffee for the episode and wants to tell you all the ways it's actually good for you to PLAY, to laugh, to stop taking life so seriously all the dang time.

As mentioned in the episode:
The Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter
PLAY by Stuart Brown MD

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Transcript

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Embracing Playfulness and Joy in Life

Jess 0:09

Hello , friend , and welcome to Sturdy Girl , a podcast focused on strength , not size , where you will hear conversations around flexible body image , cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind . Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living the big , rad life you deserve . I'm your host , jess Heiss , dropping episodes every Friday , as we help you make the most of your Sturdy Girl summer . That is , reclaiming body confidence , wearing the swimsuit and doing the kinds of activities you want without letting your body or appearance hold you back . Hello , friends , and welcome back to another episode of Sturdy Girl , episode 39 .

Jess 0:56

Somehow we are on the last episode of season three , which means summer's almost over . I don't want to admit it yet . It's still August . It's still nice weather . I know some of you have kids that are going back to school or you're getting ready to go back to school , but I'm not ready yet . It is still Sturdy Girl Summer to me and I'm going to hang on to my shorts and my Sturdy Girl Summer shirts as long as possible which , speaking of friends through the end of August , because technically , summer isn't over until the third week of September . I'm giving you plenty of time . Summer isn't over until the third week of September . I'm giving you plenty of time . Sturdy Girl shirts the summer ones , as well as the OGs are on sale . So if you use the code SG summer , you get 20% off . So please , please , please , get your shirts while they're on sale .

Jess 1:37

But okay , friends , today I wanted to wrap up this season with something a little more fun . Things that are based in research and my own anecdotal experience , but something to just shift our focus . Again . We're getting towards the end of summer . We probably had a lot of fun . There were a lot of things that we did Barbecues , boating trips , hiking , spending time with our friends , all the things and there can be this tendency to be a little bit sad when summer ends , which is completely acceptable . But then there's also the realization of , like we get into serious mode , like , oh , I played all summer , so now I need to like double down and focus , and we go into fall . And if you are in the realm of health and fitness coaches at all , you see people that are like all right , let's stay healthy through the holidays and let's not fall off track and all the shifts there . So , holidays and let's not fall off track and all the shifts there . So let's talk about how to stop taking life so seriously , because why ? Why do we need to ?

Jess 2:30

So , at the beginning of each year , I like to choose one word that I would like to represent my entire year , something that I'd like to focus on being the main theme , as well as relating to my core values . Which friend , if you have not listened to episode nine on core values , if you have not figured out your core values , which friend , if you have not listened to episode nine on core values , if you have not figured out your core values , go listen to episode nine to figure those out . They are like your compass . They help you with decision making and they can change . Right , they're absolutely allowed to change , but listen to the episode . You can hone in on those .

Jess 3:02

So , in terms of choosing a word for each year that relates to core values 2023 , I chose intentional . So I tried to use that as my North Star , if you will , or my true North , with the compass analogy of being intentional in my actions , in my choices . What was my intent behind doing certain things ? But for 2024 , I chose the word play , and choosing this happened to coincide with winter break and being present with my cute little nieces , who are good grief , almost six and seven and a half now , but I'd also I'd realize how often I would divert into serious mode , check things off the to-do list , be strict with myself , be strict with others , stress about money going to work , not unwinding frequently enough to tune into myself , blah all of those things too much adulting , and I wanted to really use this word play as a chance to reconnect with myself , with the small moments that often mean the most , and I'll admit , I haven't been great at this . It's like when people tell you to just stay present , but then life just keeps coming at you .

Jess 4:05

So I found that if I just asked one question , I could bring it back around . The question is how can I make this a little more fun right now ? And that is the single biggest takeaway I want for you today , friends . Now this isn't an excuse to put a whippy cushion on your boss's chair or prank your husband just to get a laugh . Don't get yourself in trouble . But can we think about any given situation and a way to make it a little more fun or a little more palatable ? I guess in this making it more fun or more palatable , it's kind of related to something called temptation bundling with these examples I'm about to give . But fun you need to do the dishes . So can you put on a fun playlist and dance a little while you work ? Or maybe it's a podcast you want to catch up on or an audiobook ?

Jess 4:45

You have a three-hour long run on deck this weekend . Can you map out a pit stop for a fun treat along the way ? Now , I know some of us can't handle a nice treat along the way , but I'll have athletes that will make a pit stop for an iced coffee or a small ice cream cone , or to stop at the convenience store and grab their favorite candy . If you have a diversion somewhere along the way , can you stop at a park and swing on the swings as a midway point for your run ? You're buying groceries or you're running errands for the week . Can you buy yourself a little , like I said , iced coffee or a little Olipop soda , which is my go-to when I go to Target , or maybe a bunch of fresh flowers ? Every time I go to Trader Joe's I love to look at all the flowers and bring a little bunch home to brighten up the house . How can you make something just a little more fun , a little more lighthearted , a little more playful .

Jess 5:34

Are there reasons to laugh during certain scenarios ? Again , use your judgment on this . Don't laugh when you're in a meeting for your work and they're talking about the budget cuts in the next quarter like not the right time . Look , I know our lives are busy and I never want to discount the sheer amount of stuff you have to get done on a given day . But , friends , our time is finite on this earth . I'm going to get serious for a second and you're probably over there like , oh god , she's going to talk about death .

Jess 6:01

I've mentioned in a few podcast episodes about reading the book the Comfort Crisis . If you haven't added it to your to-be-read list , I highly recommend that you do and you put it at the top of your list . In part of this book , the author talks about one of the secrets to lasting happiness , if you will , is to contemplate the fact that you will die , that we all will die . He talks about this while he visited the country of Bhutan and how part of their daily practice is to contemplate death at least three times a day . If we confront it head-on , it no longer seems as intimidating or fearful and our brains automatically start to search for happy thoughts surrounding it . There is a level of acceptance to know that it's coming . I know this sounds morbid , you guys like me bringing up death in a podcast about how to stop taking life so seriously , but seriously bringing this back around . If we know we're going to die , if we know we have only those 75 summers on average , why the hell would we waste those years ?

Jess 6:57

Being serious all the damn time ? 4,000 weeks to live and I want to spend as many remaining as possible laying dancing between sets during my lifts , singing badly in the car and in the shower , making my dogs dance with me , making our doodle wear hats and sunglasses and pose for photos , getting on the floor to play with my nieces and the babies in our neighborhood . My question for you is this why not be silly ? Why not try to have more fun in our daily life ? I'm really curious here .

Finding Joy and Playfulness in Life

Jess 7:27

When we're serious all the time , it is so freaking easy to lose sight of what is really important . So another question for you and I want you to think about this like really pause and think what is really important to you . And they say that you can look at the way someone spends their time and that will tell you what is most important to them . So , if you spend your time being serious or focused on the things checking off the to-do list , how am I advancing in my career ? Do I have all the things that everyone else in my neighborhood has ? I don't know . Is that really what's important to you ? Is it truly what matters most ? Think about that , please .

Jess 8:01

But okay , let's redirect and actually talk about some ways to stop taking life so seriously , like I mentioned previously , the most important one being asking yourself the question how can I make this more fun ? Another way is how can I be more present right now ? Right , because , friends , I can promise you that you were not put here on this earth to complete your to-do list . Your purpose on this planet is not your job , and there is no timeline or expectation for how or when we do things . So how do we actually stop taking life so seriously ? Look when we make things fun . I just keep thinking about this , of finding the positive or the good in any given situation . How can we be on the lookout for opportunities to laugh ? I don't think there's anyone here immune to a solid dad joke me or a cute dog video .

Jess 8:45

So a few more things that can help us to stop being so serious . One of them is called the five-year test , and you've likely heard this one before . But asking yourself , in a given situation , is this going to matter five years from now ? And I can tell you from experience that when I am caught up in some kind of serious or negative headspace , I've tried to ask myself this question and in the moment , I'm like , yes , this will matter , damn it . And then I have to follow it up with but ma'am , will it really matter ? And the answer is usually no . And so another reframe of this is asking yourself is this really a problem for right now ? Are we creating problems where there are none ? Because I do this , I get so caught up in future pacing of what I want my life to look like this podcast , my coaching business that I have to come back to the here and now and realize what's right in front of me . What problems am I creating for myself right now , and do they really matter ? From there , you've caught yourself in this grumpy pants headspace , and what's that called For those of you who've listened to any other Sturdy Girl episode ?

Jess 9:47

When we notice our thoughts , it's called awareness . This is another way to stop taking life so seriously by paying more attention to those thought patterns and when and how they arise . If they've happened once , they'll likely happen again . So just start to be aware of the patterns , of how they come up . The next thing can we create opportunities for less seriousness in life ? Because , I get it , you can't be silly at work a lot of times . There's certain communication between friends , partners , family , co-workers that lends itself to a bit of seriousness . Like I mentioned before , we're not pulling out the dad jokes and one-liners on a call with your boss most of the time .

Jess 10:24

But can we create times or spaces in our schedule for intentional play ? Because this is a side note on play , there is actually a book called Play and it talks about the importance of play for adults , with a ton of research all about it , and I really encourage you to look that one up as well . Maybe I'll link both of these books the Comfort Crisis and Play in the show notes , because this book dives into examining our beliefs around what we think our lives are supposed to look like versus all the flexibility and fun we can truly have with it . Y'all , really , we don't have to believe our own BS . We can play , we can still be adults and do the adult things and all the serious adulting can happen and we can play and have more fun . We can do both , Okay . So I think those are some really good starting points to work on making life a little less serious . Look to the kids and how they play . How do you want to play ? What is play to you ? That's another thing in this book as well .

Jess 11:22

As they talk about play isn't necessarily me asking you to go seek out your public park and slide down the slides and swing on the swings and play on the merry-go-round or whatever that could be . That is sometimes my definition of play . I have never met a swing set or monkey bars that I don't like . But maybe your definition of play is sitting down and unwinding in the evening with some video games or board games . Maybe your idea of play is building something . Play can mean different things for different people . Play is doing something just for the fun of it , not to focus on building a skill . So doing things simply because you enjoy them , not because they're advancing your life in any way .

Jess 11:59

When we get silly , it is not necessarily advancing our life anyway , but I was thinking about this in terms of partners . When you can be silly and laugh and tell jokes with your partner . It is another way of connecting , and if you are less serious to their serious , maybe it'll help them be less serious and silly too . It actually reminds me there was this video that it was a man's point of view of , like the woman I thought I married , and it was like , and it was this woman's bridal photos , and her hair is done and her makeup's done , and then it's like a few of their first few date photos and whatever . And then it's like , fast forward to the woman I actually married and it's this person in their sweatshirt pulled over their head and their arms pulled out of their sleeves , like flopping them around pretending to be a monster and chase their dogs . And I'm like , yeah , that's me , hi , friends being fun .

Jess 12:46

So read the comfort crisis , read play , look for opportunities to be a little more playful . Ask yourself , how can I make this situation just a little more fun ? Where is there an opportunity to laugh ? Not at someone else's expense , though , please . That's not what I'm saying , because , look , friends , I'm not trying to be morbid at the end of this , but there is a quote that sums up this whole episode . I couldn't find the proper person to attribute it to . But it goes like this Stop taking life so seriously . None of us make it out alive . None of us do , so why not have fun in the process ? Okay , that's where I wanted to wrap it up .

Jess 13:19

One other note that's not in my notes and is a side tangent , but one piece of taking life less seriously that I think about in terms of mindset is we tend to judge ourselves so harshly , and so this is a skill to learn to be able to take things less seriously , to play , to have fun and let go . So when I say , oh , just do it , just do these things , I recognize that these things take practice . There's a certain level of self-trust of this idea we have of ourselves in our minds versus what we could be doing instead . So we view ourselves maybe as a very goal-oriented , goal-focused person , crossing things off the to-do list , right . Maybe we're very type A and we like to just get those things done , but what often happens with that is that we lose sight of being present , and so it is a skill to be able to disengage from all of those focused things and on to being present , having fun , all the things I keep repeating . So just some acknowledgement there . There is a skill to be built in that awareness of those thought patterns , those negative things that come up , or those ways to catch yourself of like , oh how can I make this a little more playful , a little more lighthearted . It takes time , it takes patience with ourselves and it takes realization that it doesn't have to be all that serious . So there you are those are my last thoughts of just that piece of skill building self-compassion , patience with yourself , because I do wish for you to play as the summer winds down and recognize how fun it is to be present

Summer Sale, Season Break

Jess 14:51

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Jess 14:51

Okay , friends , that is episode 39 . Reminder to please , please , go check out Sturdy Girl Summer shirts . Any other shirts you might want 20% off . Basically , the whole site is how I set up the code , so have at it . And yeah , I guess this is me signing off until September . So we are planning to be back Friday , september 20th , with some really rad interviews that I have lined up for you guys right now , about half the season , our interviews with some really cool humans that I'm so stoked to bring to you . So have a wonderful rest of your summer and I'll be catching you on the first day of fall .