55. [STURDY SHORT] Your To-Do List Will Never Be Empty—So How Will You Spend Your Time?

In episode 55 of Sturdy Girl, host Jess guides listeners through a reflective journey, imagining themselves at age 96, contemplating life's meaningful moments rather than daily tasks and regrets. 

Key points include 

• prioritizing experiences over perfection, 
• finding joy and connections, 
• and the importance of living authentically. 
• She references insights from 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying' by Brony Ware and '4,000 Weeks' by Oliver Berkman, and shares a personal anecdote about learning to balance responsibilities with living fully.

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Stay Sturdy, friends.

Transcript

Speaker: [00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of Sturdy Girl, episode 55. How are we 55 episodes into this adventure If you have been here since the start. Thank you. If this is your first episode of Sturdy Girl, you're tuning in for a fun, sturdy, short. I'm your host, Jess, and let's just jump in.

I wanna take you on a little journey today. I want you to imagine something with me. You're 96 years old. You are still healthy, okay? Like this is, this is 96 and [00:00:30] genetics have been on your side, and you're still mobile. All the things, you're sitting on, your favorite rocking chair, sipping your favorite coffee on the porch, looking back at your life.

It's a sunny day. Get a gentle little breeze, and you're chatting with your great-granddaughter about all the things that you have done in your lifetime. Okay? Are you there with me? We're reflecting. We're feeling good, comfortable breeze sipping on your favorite. Maybe you don't drink coffee. Maybe it's tea, maybe it's, I don't know.

bubbly water. Now as you sit there and reflect. What are [00:01:00] you telling this great-granddaughter about how you spent your time? Are you going to be talking about the number of diets that you tried, the types of clothes you wore to hide your body and blend in, or are you reflecting on moments that actually meant something big moments, small moments, times where you truly lived?

What do you wanna look back on when you're sitting in that rocking chair decades from now? That's what I wanna talk about today.

So what do you wanna remember? When we think about our future selves, we often imagine what [00:01:30] we didn't do, the things we didn't accomplish, or the things we didn't change. But what if we could flip that? What if we looked at our lives now through the lens of the future at that age when the pressure of daily to-do lists hopefully have faded away?

Here's the thing, when you're sitting on that porch looking back. Do you think that you will say, man, I am so glad I skipped that croissant in Paris, or, I am so glad I wore that big baggy t-shirt instead of the bikini when I was on that beach in Corfu. Chances [00:02:00] are probably not

what you'll probably be proud of are the experiences. The connections you made, the things you said yes to, the moments when you put down the eternal to-do list and just lived and savored the moment. So that takes us to the second part of this challenging regrets and realizing what matters most.

Now, I know that this whole no regrets thing gets thrown around a lot, but let's get real for a second. No one is perfect. No one makes all of the right decisions all of the [00:02:30] time. But think about this. How do you want to feel when you look back on your life?

Are you going to be proud of all of the hours spent obsessing over your appearance, your weight, your body size, or what others think of you or. Will you wish that you had spent more time doing? What made you feel alive? This reminds me of something from the Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Brony Ware. It's a book that outlines the most common regrets people have at the end of their lives.

And spoiler alert, none of [00:03:00] them are about having an ideal body or always being on the latest diet or about checking everything off the gosh darn to-do list. The number one regret people express is, I wish I had the courage. To live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me, and that my friend is exactly what we're talking about here.

What if, instead of looking back and wishing you had done something different, you could look back with the peace of knowing that you made the [00:03:30] best choices that you could have at the time. Choices that prioritize your mental health, your relationships, and most importantly, your joy. Living true to yourself, not the life that others expect of you .

that is what I want for you, joy, peace, and living fully. You know how often we talk about living the big, rad, sturdy girl life. That's what we want here. So a little personal anecdote for a second.

I remember when I first moved out on my own when I was 17, and I was [00:04:00] totally focused on getting everything perfect all the time. I cleaned the house all the time. I vacuumed. Everything was meticulous. I meal prepped before meal. Prepping was cool. It was more like batch prepping and you'd make a ton of pasta on Sundays kind of thing.

And anyway, one weekend my aunt and my grandma took me aside when I told them that I couldn't go to lunch. I had to clean the house. And they both looked at me like I was out of my mind. My aunt said, Jess, the dishes aren't going anywhere. The little bits of food left in there aren't gonna turn into hairy monsters and take over the [00:04:30] house.

Your house doesn't need to be vacuumed every single day. And your life. It's meant to be lived, so go do that. Now, I was a bit of a perfectionist at the time and could probably still be considered a recovering one, and I didn't quite understand what my family was trying to say to me. But now, now I get it. There is always something to be done.

Your to-do list will never ever be empty. What it's about is the choices. It is the choices we make. In the midst of that, what we decide to [00:05:00] prioritize that matters the most. So when you're staring down that long list of tasks, ask yourself, what would 96-year-old me want me to do today? Would I rather finish the laundry or go take a walk with a friend?

Would I rather hide under oversized clothes or wear that crop top and enjoy the day? Both answers can be okay. Sometimes the answer is simple. It's not about being irresponsible or throwing all of your responsibilities out the window. It's about recognizing that your life is about the moments [00:05:30] you experience, not just the tasks you check off.

in this, it's worth mentioning the book 4,000 Weeks by Oliver Berkman talks about exactly this, I'm going to completely misquote this because it just popped into my head. Um, but he talks about how the moments we remember are not found on a to-do list, right? So the checking the box for inbox zero for your emails.

Those aren't moments you are going to cherish and remember when you're 96 and in your rocking chair doing the laundry, you know [00:06:00] those kinds of things, right? It's the experiences. So the fourth part of this is living now and living well. And I'm not suggesting that you go quit your job, sell everything you own and go backpacking through Europe, which honestly could be amazing if that's your dream.

But I am saying this. The dishes will always be there. The laundry, the emails, the work, it will all still be there tomorrow, but your time to truly live, to create moments that matter. Those moments are now. So today I challenge you to take a break from the [00:06:30] endless cycle of chores, tasks and to-do lists and go do something, some little thing that will make you feel proud when you look back at 96. Go for a hike, meet a friend for coffee, or even just sit and truly savor the moment. Leave the dishes for once and choose to live your future self will.

Thank you for it. 

Okay, that is it for today. I want you to think about this as you move through your week. How can you choose joy, connection, and presence, even when [00:07:00] the to-do list feels endless. Especially if the to-do list feels endless. Is there a small moment? Right? This isn't me saying shirk your responsibilities for the whole day if you have things going on, but can you take a deep breath in this moment and just like I am here, I am present.

Speaker: Reconnect. If you're feeling stuck, ask yourself, what would 96-year-old me do? And as always. Take care of yourself. Stay sturdy. Live your life well because it's the only one you get. I'll see you next time.