56. Unpacking Your Body Image Story: More Ways to Improve Body Image

In episode 56 of Sturdy Girl, Jess delves into understanding the difference between thoughts and beliefs and how they shape our body image. She introduces a game to identify these and explains the influence of media, personal experiences, and cultural norms on our perceptions of our bodies. Jess provides practical steps to unlearn harmful body image beliefs, including becoming aware of negative thoughts, challenging them, and replacing criticism with curiosity. She emphasizes the importance of questioning internalized beliefs and offers encouragement for changing one's relationship with their body. Key topics include the impact of social influences, personal narratives, and actionable steps to foster a healthier body image.

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Transcript

Speaker: [00:00:00] Hey friends. Welcome back to another episode of Sturdy Girl, episode 56. I hope that you are having an amazing week. I don't know how it's already March. The one hour time difference is kicking my butt one hour. Like why I back in December set a goal to have a bedtime and a consistent wake up time. Going to bed and getting up within the same like 30 to 45 minutes of the same time every day. Uh, and so it made it [00:00:30] that I started waking up in the morning without an alarm within 15 minutes of the same time every day, weekend, day, workday didn't matter. And so this time difference had me in a panic on Monday morning, the first workday after the time change, and I woke up two minutes before I needed to leave the house.

So. Do with that, what you will if you're struggling, welcome to the party. But then I think of my friends who have little ones and are chronically sleep deprived and make fun of that one hour difference. But anyway, friends, what a great episode [00:01:00] we are going to have today. I want you to sit down and enjoy, or maybe you're multitasking while you listen, but settle in for a great conversation because I wanna get right into it.

Okay, so getting started, let's play a little game. It's called thought versus Belief. Imagine that you wake up, you roll outta bed. This is you having more than two minutes to get ready like me. You shuffle into the bathroom and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and before your brain has even fully woken up.

It [00:01:30] delivers a thought, it just pops up. Something like, Ugh, I look puffy. Or, man, I shouldn't have eaten that last night. Now pause. Because here's the big question, is that a thought or a belief? Most of us never even ask that. We accept these little inner monologues, these little thoughts that pop up as a fact.

But what if I told you, and this first part might not be surprising, but what if I told you there's a massive difference between a passing thought and a deeply held belief? Well duh [00:02:00] Jess. Knowing the difference between the two and identifying them can actually change your entire relationship with your body.

So that's what we're tackling today. First, we'll dive into how thoughts and beliefs shape our body image. Then we'll break down where our body image even comes from, and then how we can start unlearning the stuff that is not serving us. Now full disclaimer, before we even begin, I am a coach.

I am not a therapist. If this body image [00:02:30] work. A lot. If you are struggling, please seek help with a qualified health professional. These are conversations on here where I just wanna provide little tidbits to improve your life, improve your world, your relationship with yourself. Please do not ever take this as medical or mental health advice.

just settle that because once we start talking about delving into the past and past behaviors or past contributors to body image, I just want to stay within my scope of practice as a [00:03:00] coach, and just make that very clear. So now that that's outta the way, let's have a fun little episode.

If all that sounds good, let's go. First piece of this is thoughts versus beliefs and understanding the difference, because if we don't separate the two, it's really easy to take up every passing thought way too seriously. Now when you sit there and think about, oh, is this a thought or is it a at the outset, they're very different. But if we aren't paying attention to how our thoughts come up or what the thoughts are that come up, we [00:03:30] surprisingly latch onto a lot of those as fact

thoughts are like pop-up ads, annoying, random, and not always true. So with this in mind, thoughts are automatic, they're fleeting and sometimes absolute nonsense. Your brain's basically like a web browser with 37 tabs open at all times, and every so often a weird popup appears or music is coming from somewhere and you catch yourself thinking, I should be smaller or I should be bouncing back faster to my pre-baby body.

Or I should just lose those [00:04:00] last 10 pounds to finally get faster at running. That's just a thought. It popped up uninvited. You didn't consciously choose it. But if you don't challenge it, it sticks and starts to feel like truth. The problem isn't the thought itself.

It's what we do with it. So then on the other side, we have beliefs. Beliefs can be thought of. I'm trying to think of how to say this without saying thought all the time. Beliefs are just thoughts we've repeated or been taught to believe it's a thought that you have collected evidence [00:04:30] for over time.

Think of it like a playlist. You hear the same song over and over and over, and eventually it gets stuck in your head. Even if the lyrics aren't true, they feel real because you've heard them a million times. Beliefs aren't things that we just decide to have. They're mental shortcuts shaped by experiences, by culture, and even the way our brains are wired.

psychologists define beliefs as internal representations of what we think is true, even if they're not always based on [00:05:00] fact. Some are conscious like believing strength training is good for you, while others are subconscious, like the idea that a certain body type is more or less worthy. these implicit beliefs often absorbed from media, family, society can drive how we see ourselves without us even realizing it.

But the good news. Just like beliefs are formed, they can be unlearned, and that is exactly what we're here to explore today. Right now. Keep listening because we don't have to believe every thought we have. We don't have to sit in the [00:05:30] keeping beliefs unchangeable, right?

With more of this good news piece, One of the most powerful shifts is that not having to believe every thought that pops into your head. So next time a body image thought appears, I look awful in this, Ugh, I need to lose weight, man, these pants look terrible on me. Ask yourself, is this a thought or is it a belief?

And if it's a thought, can we let it go? If it's a belief, can you ask yourself, do I actually want to keep believing this? Because you get to decide your thoughts [00:06:00] aren't facts, and just because you believe something for years does not mean that it has to be part of your future. Okay? That is thoughts verse beliefs.

But let's go one step deeper because if our body image beliefs weren't originally ours. Where the heck did they come from? Let's break down the factors that influence and have influenced our body image, Because guess what? None of us just wake up one day and randomly decide to feel good or bad about our bodies, if you think [00:06:30] back to being a kid. Can you remember the first moment that you were aware that you had a body? Can you remember the first moment that you realized that you were supposed to feel some type of way about how you fit into clothes or the way that you looked or carried yourself? Right?

There's probably a very vivid moment in time. When you're like, oh my gosh, people are looking at me. Or Oh my gosh, I'm supposed to be wearing this type of clothes or whatever it is, gym class, and middle school is a strong one for a lot of [00:07:00] people, But this body image and how we view ourselves, our relationship with our bodies, or a views on bodies, it's a mix of social influences, personal experiences, and even how our own personality and biology play into it.

In a way, I'm just taking this school analogy further. Your body image is kinda like that messy group project. There are a lot of different contributors and not all of them are helpful. So let's go into each of these a little bit more, and we talk about social and media [00:07:30] influences, huh? What a gift. What a gift.

These things are on our self-esteem, right? Magazines, movies, TV shows, books, societal norms.

Growing up, we're basically handed a rule book on what bodies are good and what ones are. Mm, not so much. Those rules are constantly changing. One decade you need to be rail thin, toothpaste tube. The next. You need an hourglass figure. And then don't forget, we need a big butt and abs, but not too many [00:08:00] curves, but only in the right places.

The ideal ratio of softness to muscle definition, it's exhausting. And then going into social media. The way that algorithms literally push content that keep us insecure. Studies show that the more body focused content that you interact with, the more of it that you'll see. It's like being stuck in an echo chamber of fix yourself messages. 

So if you've ever wondered, why do I feel like my body isn't good enough? Well, you didn't come up with that on your own. It's been broadcasted at you [00:08:30] from every angle since you were a kid. Now, a quick aside, there is a statistic that has gone around talking about how The average person is inundated with between 4,000 and 10,000 media messages per day. And I looked into it 'cause I was like, oh, I wanna put this in the episode. Guys, it's been totally debunked. We don't see that many messages per day. I think the average, when people, actually looked into it, it was something between 80 and a hundred on average.

Speaker: those were like social media ads, ads on buses, [00:09:00] all of those. So it's not in the thousands, but it's a lot. And especially when we are on social media where algorithms play a part in what we see. So do without what you will. The second part of what shapes our body image is interpersonal influences the people around us.

We all have that one moment burned into our memories. Maybe a family member pinching your side and saying, gotta watch out for that, or that coach that tells you to lean out for your sport. These little comments, even [00:09:30] when. Quote unquote, well intended plant seeds that can grow into full-blown insecurities.

And it's not just direct comments, it's what we see and absorb. It's around us, those interpersonal A parent who constantly diets and criticizes their own body, weighs themselves multiple times a day, makes food, comments all the time. Friends who only compliment weight loss, never strength or joy.

That one PE teacher who made every one weigh in in front of the whole class. Yeah. That [00:10:00] happened. And no, we're not over. It was what? Sixth grade? Seventh grade? Eighth grade. All three years. We don't just form opinions about our own bodies. We absorb the way people around us talk about bodies. Period. Then we have life experiences because nothing shapes how you see your body like actually living in it.

Think about how different experiences impact body image. If you were an athlete, maybe you were praised for being strong or pressured to fit a certain body type. I stopped doing [00:10:30] ballet when I was. What, 10, 11, that pre puberty phase where you gain a bit of weight before you grow. Um, and I got kicked outta ballet class because I'd lost my grace.

In other words, I'd gotten chubby and didn't look like a ballerina anymore. Right. So there's that pressure. If you went through a major body change, pregnancy, injury, weight fluctuations, your perception of yourself has probably shifted. If you were bullied about your appearance. Those words might still echo in your head.

Your body image story [00:11:00] isn't just about what you look like, it's about everything that your body has been through. Finally, we have physical and personality factors. Yes, even our natural body type and personality traits can play a role in how we see ourselves. If you're naturally in a bigger body, society has likely made you hyper aware of it.

If you have a naturally lean frame, maybe you've felt pressure to maintain it or even been told that you're too skinny, and then talking about personality perfectionists, I see you. If you're someone who likes control, [00:11:30] body image can become another thing to try and fix or optimize.

At the end of the day, body image isn't just about how you look. I think if you've listened to Sturdy Girl, you know this. It's about how you've been taught to feel about how you look and the good news that means it's changeable. So now that we've unpacked where all these body image beliefs come from, the next question is how do we start unlearning the stuff that isn't serving us?

So let's get into that.

Okay, so we have established that body image [00:12:00] beliefs are not something that we are born with. They are learned, and if something can be learned, it can be unlearned.

I know this is easier said than done because when you've spent years believing that your body is only worthy, if it looks a certain way, it's not like you can just flip a switch and be like, oh, cool. I love myself. Now, if it were that easy, I wouldn't even be recording this episode. We just have that switch to flip internally.

How do you actually start unlearning these body image [00:12:30] stories that aren't serving you? I'm gonna go over three practical steps, and a couple of these are gonna sound real familiar if you have been with Sturdy Girl for any length of time. The first one is starting with awareness. Sound familiar? Notice that narrator in your head.

Most of us walk around with a running commentary on our bodies that we don't even realize is happening. think of it like subtitles in a movie, except instead of helping you understand the plot, they're just low key [00:13:00] roasting you all day long, you're getting dressed and you think, I can't wear this.

My stomach is too big. or you see a photo of yourself and think, Ugh, why do I look like that? or you're scrolling Instagram and catch yourself comparing, Ugh, I wish I had her legs, or her strength, or her endurance. Here's the thing, you can't change what you're not aware of.

So the first step is to start noticing these thoughts, not to judge them, not to change them yet. Just [00:13:30] catch them. Try this for one day. Pretend that you're an anthropologist studying your own brain. What kinds of body image thoughts pop up? When do they show up the most?

Whose voice do they sound like a parent, a coach. The media just observe because once you see the patterns, you can start disrupting them. And then if we're gonna take it one step further, this is the second part we've started to notice these thoughts. Now, can we mess with them a little? Can we challenge [00:14:00] the thought?

Most body image beliefs fall apart when you actually challenge them. But we rarely do this. Instead, we inadvertently accept them like they're written in stone. So Let's say we have the thought, I need to lose weight to be happy.

Okay, wait. Caught the thought. I'm aware. I see it. I hold, I'm holding it. I I'm looking at it. Is this actually true? Have you ever been thinner and still unhappy? Have you ever seen people in all different body sizes living joyful, full lives? [00:14:30] Or let's say you think I shouldn't wear shorts because of these thighs.

Wait, hang on. Caught the thought, holding it in my hand. Looking at it. Says, who is there a law, fashion police are shorts. Authorities gonna show up and drag me away. Is this thought true? Most of the time, these beliefs don't hold up when you question them. They just feel real because they've been on repeat in your brain for years.

So try this. Next time a negative body image thought pops up, pause and ask, is this a thought or is this a [00:15:00] belief? Who taught me this? Is there actual evidence that this is true? Is this true? Even if you don't immediately believe a new, more positive thought. Just cracking the door open to the idea that your belief might be flawed is a huge step.

Okay, so we've got awareness, challenging the thought. The third part, and if you've ever coached with me, you know that this word is key for so many things in life, but we're going to replace criticism with curiosity. So you're noticing and questioning body image [00:15:30] thought. And so we wanna shift our approach.

Criticism will say, Ugh, I hate how my stomach looks. Curiosity asks, why do I feel this way? Who told me that this is a bad stomach? Criticism says I need to lose weight to be happy. Curiosity instead asks, What would actually improve my wellbeing right now? And is this about weight or is it about something else and something deeper?

This is not about toxic positivity. I am not saying you need to stand in front of the mirror. [00:16:00] Chanting. I love my cellulite. It makes me powerful. It's gonna feel fake. It's not gonna stick. Instead, it's replacing this harsh judgment with gentle questioning. So again, maybe that challenging the thought of saying, is this true?

Maybe in that moment it feels true. So if we use this curiosity piece, you don't have to go from that like body hate to body love overnight. 

So you're gonna try this next time you catch a negative body thought, curiosity. Ugh, I look gross. [00:16:30] Okay. What's making me feel this way today? Because often it's not actually what your body looks like that's making you feel that way there's something else going on instead of, I need to fix this part of my body.

I try asking, What if my body isn't a problem to solve? This tiny shift can make a huge difference. Alright, let's sum this up. Unlearning harmful body image beliefs starts with three things. Awareness, noticing the automatic thoughts without [00:17:00] judgment.

Two, challenging the thought asking, is this actually true? Three, replace criticism with curiosity shift from, I hate this to. Hmm, why do I feel this way? And remember, you are not responsible for the body image beliefs that you are handed, but you are capable of questioning them and deciding what you want to keep.

Because at the end of the day, your body is not the problem. The problem is the nonsense that we've been taught about it. And [00:17:30] you, my friend, are so much more than capable of rewriting that story.

So what is one body image belief that you're ready to question this week? Can you pick just one and sit with it? See what happens when you stop treating it like an unshakable truth. Friends, I will tell you, when I started this podcast, I had certain beliefs about body image. And doing research on our relationship with ourselves has changed my relationship with my body to the [00:18:00] point that I realized how much I still internalized the fact that I thought I needed to have a flat stomach.

And I know that sounds really trivial, but when you start paying attention to those body image beliefs. It's really powerful when you're like, oh, weird, I, I still believe this, and is that really true? And I'm looking in the mirror and I'm going, no, it's not really true. You know, why do I feel this way? And you start to dig a little bit deeper and realize, okay, because societal norms, because social media, because all those things, am I still able to be a whole.

[00:18:30] Healthy human without a flat stomach. Oh my God, yeah, I am. Right? And you just start undoing those layers a little bit. And then you get curious, well, why do I feel this way? And it helps bring in that self-kindness, self-compassion piece of all of this. Your body's not the problem, okay? And you are more than capable of rewriting that story.

If you do any of this homework, I would love to hear if this episode hit home. Message me through the link in the show notes, share it with a friend. We always love a good review. It helps [00:19:00] us so much. And if you wanna dig deeper, connect with me on Social at Sturdy Girl or at Jess. He. Until next time, stay sturdy my friends.