120: Nervous System Signals that Make Menopause Make Sense

What if many of your "menopause symptoms" are actually nervous system signals?

In this episode of Rooted in Presence, we explore why anxiety, sleep issues, emotional sensitivity, and overwhelm intensify during menopause—and how your nervous system plays a bigger role than you might realize.

Host Carly Killen breaks down the science in plain language: how oestrogen supports your stress response, why your HPA axis becomes more sensitive in midlife, and what it means when your nervous system loses its natural buffers.

You'll discover:

• Why "pushing through" stops working in midlife
• Common menopause experiences through a nervous system lens
• The difference between capacity and demand
• Practical regulation tools you can use today
• Why understanding comes before symptom management

Plus, Carly introduces her new Rooted Menopause program—a 4-session group offering starting February 10th at Still Space Hull, designed to support understanding, regulation, strength, and direction through the menopause transition. Find out more here >>> Rooted Menopause

This episode is for anyone navigating perimenopause or menopause, feeling more anxious or reactive than usual, or wondering why nothing they used to do seems to help anymore.

Topics: menopause and nervous system, perimenopause anxiety, HPA axis menopause, nervous system regulation midlife, menopause sleep issues, emotional sensitivity menopause, stress response hormones, rooted menopause

Thanks for listening to Rooted In Presence

If you’d like to get in touch with a question about today’s episode or find out how I can support you with coaching, here’s how to reach me:
📧 Email: carlykillenpt@gmail.com
📱 Instagram: @thestrongbonescoach

Do you crave unshakable confidence in your strength from midlife and beyond? Would you love to achieve your goals without sacrificing family time or self-care?

Ready to take your strength to the next level? Start building a stronger body and healthier bones with my Strong Bones Starter Kit; your step-by-step guide to safe and effective strength training at home.
👉 Click here to learn more and access today

🌟 Stay connected and inspired with daily wellness tips on Instagram @thestrongbonescoach.
🌟 For tailored advice or personal queries, email me at carlykillenpt@gmail.com

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to supporting you on your journey to strength, health, and confidence! 💪🦴✨

Transcript

0:46

Hello and welcome back to Rooted In Presence. I'm your host and your coach, Carly. So today I want to talk to you about something that has been coming up in a lot of conversations lately, and I've been asked to speak on, both from clients and from others, asking me to share some of my menopause and perimenopause wisdom. And it's a feeling that many women describe when they hit midlife. More anxious than you've ever been. Maybe you relate, perhaps you're feeling a little bit more reactive, snapping at things that wouldn't have bothered you before. More sensitive to stress, almost like some kind of buffer that you used to have as completely disappeared. Maybe you're more tired, but also more wired at the same time. Well, you're not imagining it and you're not alone. And when you go looking for answers and you're told it's just hormones or welcome to menopause, well, I can just feel unhelpful because yes, hormones are absolutely part of the picture, but I've noticed a few things. That explanation alone doesn't really help you feel any steadier. It doesn't give you anything you can work with. Just leaves you feeling like your body is broken and that you're supposed to white knuckle your way through everything until it's over and well, that does not sit right with me. So today I'd like to offer you a different lens to help support you to gain an understanding of where all this might make sense at this transitional stage of life. Because when I say making things make sense, making menopause make sense, I would like to clarify what I mean here. I don't mean that menopause suddenly becomes neat, predictable, or the same for everybody. I mean that your experience stops feeling random or like some kind of personal failing when you understand that there are nervous system signals, not character flaws at play here. These aren't weaknesses and you're not doing it wrong, perhaps, then you can meet yourself with more compassion and from that place, you get to make choices that actually align with you. So that's why I don't hand out blanket rules or protocols. I'm not here to tell you what your symptoms mean, although I will shed some light. But I am here to help you understand what's happening so you can decide what support feels right for your body, your life. And the season you are in, because that's what's most important here because what if many of these experience aren't signs that something is fundamentally wrong with you, but they are true signals? Your nervous system is working harder during a time of significant change because that reframe can make a really big difference. Your nervous system really is part of the picture. But we're not just here to fix symptoms because when you can include your nervous system as part of the picture, we get to lean into regulation, not just fixing symptoms, and that gets to be a path forward. And that's exactly what we're exploring today. So let's get started. So let's start with the science then. What's actually happening to your body? With your body in your body during menopause? And I'm gonna try and keep this as clear and concise as possible. I am a menopause coach, not a doctor, so I'll do my best to avoid the medical jargon. But let's start with hormones and your stress response. So estrogen, we hear a lot about that during menopause. It's pretty crucial and usually in the context of hot flushes or bone health. Really important things to consider, but estrogen does something else that doesn't get talked about nearly enough. It supports your nervous system, specifically estrogen can really help you regulate your serotonin, which helps with your mood. It helps to support dopamine, which affects your motivation, your pleasure, your reward systems, and GABA gamma aminobutyric acid. That's why we shorten it to gaba, and this supports your sense of calm and that break pedal when it comes to those feelings that can leave you feeling anxious. So when we have estrogen fluctuating daily, sometimes wildly as we navigate perimenopause and then finally declining in menopause, your nervous system loses some of the natural buffers that have supported you prior to this time. So you can find that your stress tolerance reduces your emotional reactivity, might increase your sleep, can feel more fragile. This is all part of your HPA axis, the Hypothalmic pituitary adrenal access. Which essentially is your stress response system or a part of it anyway, and during menopause, the system can become a lot more sensitive. It's undergoing a lot of changes. Which leaves your cortisol patterns, the hormone that responds to stress. This can become disrupted, and you might have cortisol spiking at night when it should be low or staying low during the day when you need it to give you some energy. So cortisol is not the enemy here. It helps us get up. It helps us feel a sense of wakefulness and activation at the right times, but when it decides to peak at. The times that are unhelpful, it can really feel like it's, well essentially messing up your day. And in practical terms, this can leave your nervous systems spending more time in that sympathetic activation. That's your fight or flight mode. And not because you're anxious or weak or not handling things well, but because your body biochemically has less capacity to buffer stress than it used to. So let's look a little deeper into that hormone neurotransmitter connection. So how do estrogen and progesterone actually work in the brain and your body? So we often hear that estrogen and progesterone as reproductive hormones, and yes they are, but they are also neuroactive hormones too, which means they directly affect your brain and your nervous system. So let's break this down to see what each one does. So let's look at the role of estrogen. So estrogen doesn't just support the production of serotonin, dopamine, and gaba. It actually helps your brain use these neurotransmitters more effectively. So think of it a little bit like this. So estrogen increases the number of receptor sites in the brain for these calming mood regulating chemicals. More receptor cytes means. Your brain can pick up and use these neurotransmitters more efficiently. And yes, your brain is covered in receptors for estrogen two. So when estrogen is stable and present, you might feel yourself with better mood regulation from the serotonin you might feel yourself. Have more motivation, perhaps more responsive to pleasure, that is your dopamine and a stronger sense of calm and lowering anxiety from the gaba. And when oxygen starts to fluctuate, sometimes high, sometimes crashing into lows, those receptor sites reduce. So it's like having fewer doors for these helpful chemicals to enter through. So even if you're producing serotonin, your brain might not be able to use it as efficiently or effectively, and this is why you can be doing all the right things, eating well, exercising, getting outside, and still feel a bit anxious flat or emotionally fragile at times. And it's not that those things aren't helping. It's just your biochemistry has shifted, and at this point, can I just make a note? I'm also not a therapist, so if you really are struggling with these things, there is no shame and no harm in exploring some additional support. So please do visit your healthcare provider or therapist if you're finding mood regulation to be really problematic. Okay, now let's move on to progesterone. Now, progesterone works differently. It works more as a calming, soothing hormone. When progesterone is metabolized in your body, it creates something called allopregnanolone. And this acts on the same receptors in your brain as many antianxiety medications do. So progesterone literally has a calming anti-anxiety effect on your nervous system. It can also support sleep. Progesterone promotes the production of gaba, that brake pedal as I mentioned earlier, and that can help you settle more into rest. And in perimenopause, progesterone often drops first, sometimes years before estrogen does, and this is why you might have noticed as many other women have anxiety starting to ramp up for reasons you can't explain. Sleep becoming disrupted, especially. In the middle of the night, hello, 3:00 AM club. And perhaps even feeling more wired, even though you're exhausted. And yeah, chasing it down with coffees really isn't going to help. I'm sorry. It's because you've lost some of those natural calming chemistry that has been supporting you in your younger years. And then as menopause progresses, both estrogen and progesterone, both declining, we are dealing with. Reduced serotonin receptor activity, reduced dopamine activity and GABA production and receptor activity being reduced too. it's not just one thing, it truly is a cascade, and this makes a difference. So I'm gonna take some time to explain this. Because when you understand that the anxiety, you might experience that any of that emotional reactivity, any sleep issues, any overwhelm, when you understand that there are also biochemical responses at play here, biochemical responses to hormonal changes that are also affecting your neurotransmitters, perhaps that can shift how you see yourself. You are not weak. You're not losing it, and you're not being dramatic. Your brain chemistry has literally changed. It is rewiring itself very much like it did when we were babies. We just maybe don't remember that bit and we definitely didn't have as many responsibilities back then, and that means the strategies used before willpower pushing through, just thinking positively. They're not always enough to work by themselves. You need support that works with your nervous system, not against it. So you might consider hormone replacement therapy, if that's right for you. Of course, I always encourage working with a knowledgeable healthcare provider for this, and I support many of my ladies to find and work with the healthcare providers in a way that suits them. You also want to explore some nervous system regulation practices, building your toolkit to support yourself, lifestyle support that protects your capacity, so not just giving yourself a list of more things to do, and of course, community and connection because. Isolation makes everything feel harder. But it all starts with understanding, with knowing that this really isn't a personal failing. It is a physiological process. And when you work with that process, instead of fighting it, you can find steadiness again. So let's connect a few dots here because this is where things might start to make sense. Because your symptoms, if you call them symptoms, your experiences, they can feel too much sometimes. When we experience hot flushes, this is part of your autonomic nervous system responses. Your body's temperature regulation system is recalibrating. Heart palpitations again, so sympathetic nervous system can be activated. Your body can feel an alert mode even when there doesn't appear to be an external activation. Perhaps anxiety spikes that seem to come out of nowhere. Again, when your nervous system is working with reduced buffering capacity, it is responding to stress internal or. External, but without the cushioning it had before. You might experience sensory overwhelm, noise, feeling too loud, lights feeling too bright, too many people talking at once again, you might be experiencing a lower threshold for stimulation. Your system might be struggling to filter as much as it used to. And with the lights thing, especially driving at night, we're still in winter here. You might find that your eyesight, reduced hydration in the eye because of a, reduction in receptors for estrogen in the eye as well can result from that lower estrogen. So there's a lot at play there. just a reminder of that reframe that your nervous system isn't broken. It is simply responding to a body with fewer internal buffers. And that's not the same thing as something being wrong with you. Your body is adapting, and yes, it's uncomfortable, but it's not a failure, and I hope that allows some relief to land there. But again, take your time with this and do reach out for support. If you'd like some more help with processing all of this. It is a lot, but when you do understand what's happening. You can stop blaming yourself and start supporting your system in ways that actually help. So perhaps to help you relate and to also let you know you are definitely not alone in this. I'll talk you through a few common menopause experiences, more so through that nervous system lens. And how they often show up in the day to day, or what I hear from people. So let's look at those sleep issues. One of the biggest complaints I hear, I can't sleep. I'm exhausted, but I can't switch off. And yes, fluctuating hormones affect sleep, but what's often happening underneath is that hyper arousal at night. The nervous system, not able to settle, staying in that state of alert, scanning, worrying, replaying the day. Planning tomorrow. It's not insomnia in the traditional sense. It's your nervous system kind of stuck in the on mode because it's not feeling safe to fully let go, anxiety or panic again, perhaps you've struggled with anxiety before or maybe it's something you've managed earlier in life and now it comes back with a vengeance. This can happen even when you've well managed things like this in the past. And again, the nervous system can lose that bit of flexibility as we are navigating the perimenopause and menopause transition. Doesn't mean we can't get it back, doesn't mean that we can't work with it, but perhaps used to feel like you could move a little bit more fluidly between states alert when you needed to be calm, when you were safe, but now you feel like you're getting a bit stuck in activation. Again, this is that physiological response to hormonal change. And again, if you're feeling that your emotional sensitivity is heightened, you are not imagining it. And even though it might feel destabilizing at times and do take care of yourself and reach out for medical and therapeutic support if it ever feels too much. But you might notice things like crying at adverts or snapping at your partner, feeling ragey, one moment and really tender the next. I just want you to know that you are not losing your mind. What's happening here is that capacity to suppress emotions is reduced. Maybe that's not a bad thing. Having your nervous system's ability to keep things under wraps perhaps gives you an opportunity to allow more truth to rise to the surface. Things that you've been tolerating for years suddenly feel intolerable. Maybe that's not a problem. Perhaps that's information and an invitation to stay more authentic to you, to choose yourself. And there's the tiredness, the fatigue, the bone, deep unshakeable exhaustion, that sleep just can't seem to touch. You are not lazy, and this is not you. Not trying hard enough. Again, this is your nervous system. Perhaps running on empty, spending too much time in an activation mode without enough recovery time. It's a bit like your phone battery draining faster because too many apps are running in the background and perhaps the chargers got a bit of a kink in it as well. The system is working overtime just to maintain baseline functioning. So again, not random symptoms. There are patterns here. And when you can start to see the patterns as your nervous system responding to change, you can start working with your body instead of against it. So let's look at that, pushing through why it starts working in midlife.'cause a lot of women get stuck here perhaps for years or maybe decades. You've been able to regulate yourself through busyness, through achievement, through powering through. Maybe you were someone who thrived on adrenaline. I definitely was. I could work the long hours, manage multiple responsibilities, keep all the plates spinning,, and it worked until a certain point of midlife and then suddenly it doesn't. The same strategies that got you through your twenties and thirties, they're now backfiring. You're more exhausted perhaps feeling overwhelmed, stretched thinner than ever, and that's not because you've lost your edge or you're getting old or you're not capable anymore. It's because menopause removes some of that biochemical cushioning, as I mentioned. What once work do you using activation to push through now depletes you even faster because your baseline capacity has temporarily shifted, and that's more of a capacity versus demand issue there. Your demands might be the same, your responsibilities might not have changed, although realistically, I know often for this stage of life they increase, but if your nervous system's capacity to meet those demands also can't match it, then yeah, the chances you might feel overwhelmed, the capacity might well be reduced. But what's really important to remember is that regulation does restore capacity over time. Not pushing through, not trying harder, not adding more to your plate, but true regulation, support, nervous system care. That's what really helps, and this is exactly why I don't start with symptom management. In my work, I start with understanding and regulation because if we don't address that nervous system part, we're just treating symptoms without understanding the root of your experience. So what does help, we know about the practical support here because understanding is great, but we always need a practical tool. So this is why I've developed a new program called Rooted Menopause, and this is where my work comes in. I'm gonna share a little bit of that with you today, and I hope it can give you some inspiration. I like to look at rooting in menopause from four different angles. We start with rooted understanding, making sense of what's happening in your body and nervous system. Just removing that self-blame, naming your experience, and giving you the opportunity to name your own experience and to be witnessed in that That can do so much for removing that feeling of chaos. I then like to move into how it really feels to be rooted in regulation. This is where we support sleep stress. We create emotional steadiness. This is where we work directly with the nervous system, through breath work, through inner listening, through community support. And this is another way to root into that steadiness in your daily life. And of course, we don't ignore strength. Reconnecting with strength as something you already hold, not as effort or punishment, but as your support system, your resilience, developing self-trust. This is how we work with the body as it changes, not against it. And again, the next angle I like to explore from is really that rooted direction, listening inward and forward, tapping into that self trust, reflecting on your boundaries, values. And what it actually means to you now as things change, and that allows you to move forward from a grounded place, not from pressure or expectation. And these four pillars work together really beautifully because you just can't regulate if you don't understand what's happening. Can't build strength if you're constantly depleted and you can't trust your direction if you don't have a foundation of steadiness. But as this is all going to be held in still Space Hull, and I know there's plenty of you over there in the us, I want to share with you some of those tools right now, and maybe I'll run this online in the future as well. So let's look at practical tools you can use today. So we'll start with micro regulation moments. I know you're busy, I know you've got a lot on your plate. The last thing I want to do is give you a whole load of other things to do. And you don't really need to have a 20 minute meditation practice. You don't need to carve out huge chunks of time in your day, although it is lovely to take time out. But what really helps is those tiny moments throughout your day where you can pause and notice maybe 30 or 60 seconds of breath awareness. Not needing to change your breath, but simply noticing it. That in itself can do so much for feeling more regulated and grounded. You are giving your nervous system a moment to register. I'm here. I'm safe. I can settle or even to notice what support you need, because if you're not feeling safe or settled, it's an opportunity to offer yourself some care before things feel like they grow to a level that is too much. Another strategy I like to use is orienting to safety. This is one of the practices I love because it's pretty simple. It's effective for a lot of people. Again, these aren't blanket suggestions. Take what supports and customize how it suits you. So when you notice yourself feeling more activated, anxious, overwhelmed, maybe spinning, it's taking the pause again and naming where you are out loud if possible, and if comfortable. Things like I'm sitting in my kitchen. I can see the window, I can hear the kettle, my feet are on the floor. This can really help your nervous system orient the present moment to safety, to what's actually here, rather than what your mind is potentially catastrophizing about. When you can feel your feet on the ground if you can. If you can feel the seat of your chair, notice your breath. This can bring you back. And next, reducing self criticism. I know easier said than done, but it's a big one that the language you use with yourself really matters. Perhaps instead of what's wrong with me, you could try asking yourself, what is my system responding to instead of, I should be able to handle this. Try. My capacity is different right now and that's okay. This doesn't mean you're broken. You're definitely not failing. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it's designed to do, given the amount of change that's going on. So speak to yourself kindly. Imagine you're speaking to a friend. That can help a lot too. And the last one, looking at these things you do for yourself, these self cares. There's support, not just self-management. Because truthfully, we are not meant to do all this alone. Anyway, community matters. Held space really does help having someone who understands what you're going through. It's not a luxury that is nervous system support. this is why I created Roots of Menopause as a group program, because regulation happens in connection Because it is important to know you're not the only one experiencing this, and if you've tried to manage this all by yourself, white knuckling your way through, I want to invite you to consider a different approach. So if this episode has helped things make a little more sense for you, if you are recognizing yourself and what I've described, then this is exactly where my rooted menopause work begins. It is four sessions over eight weeks, starting February 10th. Held in person at still Space Hall. And yes, I might do this online in the future for those of you that are further afield, but the first round will take place in my space. And it's really not about doing more, it's about doing what actually helps. We'll move you through that understanding regulation, understanding strength and direction together. So yes, there is education and also there is a link to breath work, nervous system practices, and the kind of health space where you can actually land. This is nervous system led menopause support, not just symptom management, not just here's what you should do, but real embodied practices that help you feel steadier in your actual real life. And it's a small group, so we can hold this space kindly, compassionately, allowing each voice to be heard because that kind of support really makes a difference. So when you're ready, if this

Carly 27:34

feels

27:35

Like a yes in your body or perhaps even a curiosity, then you can head over to my website stillspacehull.com And I also placed a link in the show notes to make it just a little bit easier for you. So something I'd love for you to take away from today. If menopause is feeling overwhelming, it might not be because you're failing, actually. It's definitely not because you're failing, but because your nervous system is asking to be included in the conversation. Your symptoms are not random. They are certainly highlighting some patterns, intelligent responses from a system that's doing its best to keep you functioning during a time of significant change. And when you understand that, when you stop fighting your body and start supporting it, everything starts to shift. You don't need to push through. You don't need to prove you can handle it all. It's time for you to create space, allow yourself to regulate and to listen to what your body's actually asking for, and that's the work. It is gentler, but it's still so powerful, much more powerful than what you might think. So until next week, may you meet yourself with Compassion Walk With Presence, and remember, you'll already carry everything you need.