Quest for Authenticity - Redefining Worth from Within - Ep 009

Ever felt like you're just fluttering by in life, caught in the winds of routine and expectation? I, Coleen, share my personal experiences of hitting pause, reassessing, and taking that brave leap into a life more authentic and self-aligned. This episode is a heartfelt confession and an invitation, all rolled into one; a call to arms for those of us who've ever felt the pressure to prove our worth, and the revelation that our true value comes from within.

Through candid stories of early motherhood and battling societal norms, I peel back the layers of my own metamorphosis. You'll hear how a health scare became a much-needed wake up call, pushing me to stop dancing to the rhythm of others' expectations and start crafting a melody of my own. It's a narrative that weaves together the lessons of loneliness, the strength found in vulnerability, and the triumphant discovery of neglected talents. Like stitches in a quilt, each anecdote adds warmth and depth to the idea that self-care isn't a luxury—it's a necessity for growth.

This episode isn't just a conversation, it's a celebration of choosing to thrive, not just survive, by continuously nurturing our souls, setting boundaries, and inspiring each other to ascend in this unpredictable journey called life. Join me, and let's spread our wings together.

Chapters

• 0:00 Rediscovering Self-Care Through Authenticity
• 12:30 Journey of Self-Discovery
• 19:16 Reflections on Relationships and Self-Growth
• 28:53 Discovering Self Through Transformative Relationships
• 46:38 Thrive Through Self-Care and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

This is the Striving Butterfly Podcast. Hey, hey, hey, welcome back. And it's been a while since I have spoken to you guys. I have actually been away for four weeks and come back into the hustle and bustle of life and just finding my way back at work and just, you know adult stuff, you know you have to pay bills and parenting and get home in order and see that parents are okay. But I've missed you guys. I really really have. And alongside that, my machine, which I've just literally, you know, started working with really intensely since I've started the podcast, is just not working. So not many things are in my favor. But I said, I'm absolutely going to record, I'm absolutely going to get an episode out and to you guys, I'll try and see if I can do more than one so I get back into the momentum of delivering new content every fortnight. So apologies for the delay. I hope you missed me. But for those who's new and for those who's watching this for the first time, because this is going to be the first official episode that I am recording for YouTube All the other episodes has very much been on audio only and I have recorded, but recorded really just to share and entice people to listen. Now I'm actually taking a stab at recording a full episode with camera in a face and full setup happening.

Speaker 1: 2:05

If you haven't listened to previous episodes of the Striving Butterfly, I encourage you to do so. You can find them in the playlist or you can go on the website or any of your famous streaming platforms to find the Striving Butter butterfly. I'm Colleen, your striving butterfly, and I'm all about owning and being your authentic self, unapologetically, no matter your journey story. I have been here with this podcast since August 2023, sharing my story and wanting to spread love, self-care and really a way and a platform for people to be able to speak out and own their truth. So, if you haven't already, make sure you hit the follow and subscribe button so you never miss an episode and by following you will be joining a tribe of like-minded individuals who are committed to self-care, real life, personal growth, positivity and really on self-improvement and self-development.

Speaker 1: 3:41

Now, if you familiar with doing this and one of my things is very much I am here to make the uncomfortable feel comfortable. So, slowly, slowly, as you continue to follow and come along with the journey, you most probably see me talking a lot more in the eye of the camera. But until I get into my swing of how I'm going to do this and remember to stay on track with the theme and the subject, you may see me just glancing off just a tiny bit while I get in the zone and make sure that I share all that I have put aside for today because drum roll I'll be discussing finding yourself again through self-care, my unapologetic journey of self-discovery and nurturing and empowering oneself to help and guide you through your own. Now I don't think I've told you my name. If you're new. We'll explore the transformative power of self-care in rediscovering ourselves amidst life's challenges. Join me as I delve into personal stories, insights and practical tips to help you embark on your own unapologetic journey of self-discovery and nurturing. Now, if you've been following me since I've started and if you listen to my daily and morning affirmations, then you know I am, then you know I'm very big on self-care and self-love.

Speaker 1: 5:39

Self-care is more than just bubble baths, spa days and taking a little bit of time out. It's a radical act of self-love and preservation. In a world that constantly demands our time and energy, prioritising self-care is essential for maintaining our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. When we neglect ourselves, we lose touch with who we are at our core. However, by committing to self-care practices and putting ourselves at the top of the list rather than at the bottom of the list, we create space to reconnect with our true selves and cultivate inner peace, and we actionably live authentically. Live authentically. We actionably live authentically. And that's me saying we deliberately choose to be authentic in what we do. One quote that I've heard is it's important to live your life because no one else can live it for you. Each moment is an opportunity to embrace who you are, pursue your passions and create meaningful connections. Now, don't wait to tomorrow to start living. I say that again don't wait for tomorrow to start living. Seize the present and make it count, make it count. Seize the present and make it count.

Speaker 1: 7:53

I've shared my own journey of rediscovering myself on previous episodes, from moments of burnout, feeling overwhelmed, to embracing vulnerability and setting boundaries. Each step in my journey has been a testament to the power of self-love and resilience. It's not so obvious to those who might be meeting me for the first time or who don't know me so well, because this is you knowing me from 2023 or 2024, or this is you knowing a certain me, because we haven't developed or grown our relationship. The person that I am now is very much someone I choose to be. Moving forward doesn't mean I ignore my past. Doesn't mean I try and rewrite my past either. It means that I know my story. I know where I've come from.

Speaker 1: 8:56

I understand and I have experienced burnout. I understand what it is feels like to be embarrassed. I understand what it feels like to have felt loss. I understand what it feels like to not put myself first. I understand what it feels like to be vulnerable. Different times, different seasons, different eras, different people. We have different moments and choose how we want to act, behave, respond, grow from it, learn from it and move forward Through mindfulness practices, creative expression from a really good support network, taking real deep time in understanding the biblical word and my faith and just spending time to understand of who I am. Not everyone will understand that from my past. Not everyone will understand that in my future.

Speaker 1: 10:25

The key thing is that I understand who I am and who I want to be. It doesn't mean I disregard and I ignore other people's feelings, thoughts and opinions. However, it does mean that I am not out here people pleasing. There's a difference. I'm not here to fill the needs of others, to ensure that their happy bucket is fulfilled and all their needs are fulfilled, whilst discarding my own. As we go through this episode and as I've gone through other episodes, you hear me unpick and unpack and navigate some of the highs and lows of my journey and in all of that, I have found greater happiness in being true to me, my wants and desires, as opposed to being something for everyone. A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. This statement here, this line, this sentence, underscores the connection between emotional well-being and physical health, highlighting the importance of maintaining a positive attitude as well as thinking about the person we are, the person we want to be and the impacts we're about to have, based on the person we are becoming.

Speaker 1: 12:30

Since I have started this journey and, if I roll back, if you've gone to previous episodes, I've very much spoken about my journey, the losses that I've had from childhood into adulthood, some of the pains and struggles, as well as the losses in relationships and how I've been exposed to scenarios and situations that I really shouldn't have been at such a young age and also in my adult life. But that is based on decisions that I have made, which really maybe I shouldn't have been making. It has allowed me to be in a position now where I can embrace that past and know that it has not and it will not change my future or not change my future. It won't write my future. It won't change my future. It won't write my future Because I very much think I've put self-care before at the bottom of my list because I've always tried to prove a point of I can, I will, let's go An attitude where, because of what I have faced and what I have experienced, I always feel like I have to prove a point and without realizing, I think I have gone through many years of my life trying to prove a point.

Speaker 1: 14:23

I'm trying to prove that, even though I had a teen pregnancy, I can still come out with GCSEs and I'm going to prove a point to say, yes, that didn't work, but I'm going to come out with as well as my GCSEs, I'm going to-levels and I'm going to get a degree. And proving that point, to remain focused, to be able to prove a point to my parents that you will not be disappointed in me. Prove a point to people at school thinking this girl, she's disappeared out of school, at school thinking this girl, she's disappeared out of school, there's not much going to be coming of her, she's just not with it. Proving a point to friends who didn't openly speak it and said to themselves not much is going to come of her, she just doesn't seem like she will go very far. Proving a point to colleagues at work who don't advance you out of fear that you will be greater and better, without seeing it as being empowering to the team that you're in.

Speaker 1: 15:50

I've proved a point in relationships where I wanted to make sure that I stay true to myself myself. I stayed true to the core of being independent and strong and self-sufficient because I'm a single mother. Staying true to I can pay for my bills by myself and I can do everything by myself and by. I haven't even finished that list and but it paints a picture of trying to do everything and prove a point. I'm not actually living for me, I am living to prove a point.

Speaker 1: 16:42

When I went through a big health scare to some they may call it a small health scare to me it was significant and it was yeah, it may have been a day operation, but it was significant because I have always been a healthy, being never one going, never always going into the hospital or doctors or any of that a odd cold, a rare flu, and the normalities of health where ever so often you might get a little bit sick here and there, but you know you get over it. So a health scare for me, when I am having to have a operation and go in and go under the knife and also find out other situations happening within my body, dawns on you. What's life going to be like after this? As you sit in a hospital bed by yourself, as you go through the procedure by yourself, as you wake up by yourself and you reflect, you're also by yourself. You realise, in that dwelling space, even though you've proved a point, why is there an element, and a strong element of loneliness that you feel? Why are you feeling that you haven't discovered all of your skills and your craft and all that you are meant to do? What are you hiding from, or what is holding you back? Is holding you back what has caused you to just constantly do, do, do, do, do, without pausing and reflecting? That full stop going into hospital.

Speaker 1: 19:16

Well, that was my full stop. That was my time where I sat and reflected. That was the time where I made some stern decisions about how I wanted to live or continue to say, life has completely changed for me. I am different because I choose to be different, and I got to a point now where I'm not apologizing for choosing to be different, because this different is the different that allows me to follow through on my purpose. This person now is the person that allows me to see my full potential, allows me to know when to pause, stop and just take a moment to shut up and listen to someone else, to someone else. That might sound harsh, but it's what I needed and it's caused me to grow in areas of my life that I didn't even think were around. I found out because of the person I have chosen to be.

Speaker 1: 21:18

It also opens your eyes up to everyone else that is around you and seeing that some people are in your life for seasons. Some people are in your life for seasons. Some people are in your life to transform it. Some people are in your life just for particular reasons. Some are in your life to see you flourish and grow and do all that they need to. Some people are in your life to prod and poke you. Some may see it as a negative and not want that for themselves, but sometimes we need it to challenge us on the person that we choose to be, because then we have a decision to make on how we will treat those relationships how close or how far do we keep those relationships to us and how much do they feed into our journey. I'm currently I say that because I'm currently in a season where a lot of my time is with family and let me not say family a lot of my time, and also my daughter.

Speaker 1: 22:58

And when you think about it and in one of my podcasts I did actually say as an exercise you know, have a look at your circle, have a look around the people that are around you and write a list, and when you reflect on the list and when you reflect on your priorities and you break down, you've got 12 months in a year and within those months, you've got about 30 days, and you then calculate and take off the weekends, you strip back even, furthermore, and you take off all the hours that you work. You then get to realize how minimal of time that you have, depending on how old your son or daughter is. You've got that all to consider and then you've got any love relationship that you may have with your partner. When you start breaking down all that time, you realise there's not much hours left for you. So it is so important to reflect on who is going to be in your circle for whichever year that it's going to be, and how does that and how does that play a part on where you're going, how you're growing and what you look to do in the future.

Speaker 1: 24:33

I think friendships are so important and the friends that you have around you speak a lot, because friends become family. When you've got good, good friends, you take their feedback, you take their advice as principle. You know my friends are instrumental, but I've also realized I can't do all my friends and my parents and my daughter all at the same time. I just don't have enough hours. So I apologize, but at the same time time I don't apologize because through me being a bit more ruthless with my time with me, being a bit more ruthless in what and how and present myself in a different manner on how I respond to things and being accessible but also not so accessible, I've been able to form deeper bonds and part of my 30s yes, my mum and dad have both been around my mum. I've been very close to my dad not so close, so relationship was quite fragmented with my dad.

Speaker 1: 26:13

But late 30s tables had to turn. Tables definitely had to turn, especially when parents have health scares and you have health scares. And one thing many don't know is I do quite a lot of funerals at my church, where I help out media, but I've done so many that I have lost count. But what it does do, it truly makes you reflect on your circle, on your circle. It truly makes you reflect on the importance of life and how quickly life can be taken away from you. I made a conscious decision when I wrote out my goals last two years ago that I am going to put a lot more focus on my family and I'm glad I did that, because last year and this year has just been phenomenal with them, as I've re-learned, or should I say as I've rediscovered my parents and really embraced their character and their uniqueness and their wisdom and their charm and their love. Now I might have gone a bit left because I was talking about self-care, but when you put yourself at the forefront and when you put the importance of self at the forefront, you then look at the surroundings and you get to see what actually is important to my self-care, to my growth, to me finding and living out my true purpose. And I've just spoken about my parents. But then, alongside my parents, I have grown my relationship with my partner.

Speaker 1: 28:53

I did say that I had been away at the top of this podcast for four weeks and that trip transformed me, or should I say that trip transformed my relationship. And I say that to say one before my partner, I had never been on a broad or a way properly with a partner, been on like a little mini break. Um, I had been on a plane that was pre having my daughter. So you think, two decades on, or nearly two decades on, I am now traveling quite a lot with my partner and it has really allowed me to consider me. You think, huh, how? Because before I do a lot of planning for my trip. So it's me planning it, me looking, me researching. I'm going to do this, I'm going to go there, I like this. If I'm traveling with friends, we do it together, et cetera, et cetera. So I get into plan mode and do, do, do, do, do. I know, monday to Friday, know exactly what I'm doing. I know, monday to Friday. I know exactly what I'm doing Now in this current relationship that I'm in boy.

Speaker 1: 31:06

This guy does everything rewarding and loving and just allows me to enjoy. There's a side of me where I have discovered self-love and self-care and development on I and who I am by spending time with my immediate mum and dad and really understanding my roots and my purpose. And then, on the flip side, I'm rediscovering who I am, in a deeper connection with my partner, because he's actually allowing me and this is really really different for me he's allowing me to just be me and not overthink, not try and be mum and dad, not try to do everything. It's literally I'm precious cargo and precious cargo needs to be taken care of. So you worry about making sure you've got everything. You worry about making sure you're doing what you need to, just to do and get to where we need to go, but everything else is taken care of. That's huge for me, still unfamiliar, but it places me in a deep bucket of vulnerability and it's that vulnerability that has allowed me to embrace me, embrace parts of me that I have not seen. I don't know. I've boxed away because I didn't know I could be that vulnerable or I didn't know I could be that person that could just be three and not have to do everything. Everything that freeness that he has provided me with has allowed me to find space for creativity and find space for me, rediscovering exactly who I want to be and how I want to live.

Speaker 1: 33:37

What does that mean? Being free means there's no facade. Being me means I don't have to make up anything. Being me means I can just let go. If I'm happy, I'll say I'm happy. If I'm sad, I'll say I'm sad. If I'm confused because I don't know what emotions I'm going through, I'll say If I want to be quiet, I'll be quiet. If I want to reflect in the word, I reflect in the word. If I want to dress up, I dress up. If I don't want to dress up, I don't dress up. If I want to go somewhere, I speak up about it. If I choose that I don't want to, I don't. If I want to act like a damsel in distress, I'm going to act like a damsel in distress. There's no facade. This is just who I want to be. That is because this is who I am. I'm not making it up. It has been very scary because there's parts of me I didn't even know existed, and it's also been very challenging.

Speaker 1: 34:46

Now I'm the girl who plans everything down to a tee what she's doing on the day, the week, what who's going to be taking us in the transfer, like what time are we going to get picked up, what we eat in, what restaurants are in the local area, what shopping malls are in the local area, what's here, what's there blah, blah, blah, blah, blah full itinerary, everything all the way down to a tee. So, going away and really not having a, you're really putting your life in someone's hands. People might say, well, you put your life in his hands. I didn't. I put my life in God's hands Because when I decided to go on the trip, I knew it was going to be a trip of difference.

Speaker 1: 35:39

A trip of difference, a trip of fresh revelation, a trip that was going to be rewarding for the both of us, and a trip that would either bring us together or divide us. Also, a trip that would allow us to discover ourselves both together and separately. I trusted in the Lord and I had an absolutely amazing time Because I allowed myself to be free, absorb all my surroundings, let go of every thought or doubt, every controlling spirit of. I want to do this. I want to do this. I want to know. What we was doing was planned on the day, and usually I would get involved and try, but on this trip I most probably seemed like the most laziest person ever. I was so laid back. If you were to climb the seat you wouldn't have seen me, but that was because I wanted to embrace something different. I wanted to enjoy it, and boy did I enjoy it, because I was able to understand why I would call this person someone I would like to be my forever life partner.

Speaker 1: 37:23

Four weeks with someone definitely challenges you, stretches you, allows you to really know who they are and when you have given everything over to them, in a sense, where they're planning it, it, they're in control of it, they know everything. With you knowing very little, you're putting a lot of trust in that person's hands, especially when you are so controlling. I put a lot of trust in his hands and by putting all that trust in and I was able to discover a different side of myself, a side of myself that saw me knowing I can be a lot freer hand over things that I just don't need to carry. In a sense, we're always trying to plan. Do be the leader. I don't always have to be the leader. I can allow someone else to lead.

Speaker 1: 38:20

So, while someone else is leading, use your time, your energy, your effort To do something rewarding. When you step out of some equations, they create new equations for you and it also makes you having to look at things slightly different. Before I'm, you know, doing the calculations, because I want to make sure two and two equals four all the time. One add one equals two. You, you, me, yes, two of us together.

Speaker 1: 38:57

That trip I very much said you know what you lead. I stand behind because I'm not really good at that and by doing that it was so scary, but it was amazing because I came back thinking that was amazing. And that was amazing because of him, because many of those items I could not have done just by myself, if I just went backpacking by myself. It worked because someone took time to understand you, your wants, your desires, your passions, really got to know the type of person that you are and created a package where you got to do all the things you thought you may have not done for another six to eight years because you're so caught up with work and doing life and wanting to be everything for all people. So life last two years, three years, has been different and I have prioritized myself, and I say that to say it's scary prioritizing yourself. Along the way, you will have a lot of snarky comments and people challenging you about what does yourself look like and why are you acting so selfish? Or why is everything about you and why have you disappeared? Why have you gone quiet? Why are you not around as much? Why this, that person, has changed you. You're not the same anymore.

Speaker 1: 40:55

Honestly, the last two years going into the free, going into my third year now, has been some of my best years I've had in a very long time and I can't go all the way back. Even though I've got a great memory, I can't go all the way back, so I won't say it is the best memory, because I've had some great times. But this season that I'm in now, the people that I have around me now, is just like what? And that's because I've purposely put myself first, my self-care, self-love. That journey has come first because I have allowed myself to develop that self-love and understanding what that looks like, what that feels like, and that has allowed me to appreciate what that may look like and feel like for my parents. It allows me to appreciate my best friend, for instance, because we're not always together, but her love language is different to my love language and our direction of travel with life has changed, you know. But through looking out for myself, I see a different perspective on how I need to help, support and be there for her and the importance of what our friendship means.

Speaker 1: 42:38

Before I'm very much caught up in work all the damn time and you know what I think I've neglected the friendship that I had with her and I love her to pieces. When you step back and I had to look at it, I was like I want to improve this. This is my bona fide and through it all she's been there. I will make sure that we are old as ever, still cracking joke and sending memes to each other, because I understand that we laid the foundation of our relationships and life changes people as you grow and that's normal. Different seasons and different activities take place, but it's understanding those changes and being able to adapt your friendship and not dilute your friendship because of things that has happened.

Speaker 1: 43:35

Being vulnerable has allowed someone to just step in and say I'm going to be him. I'm'ma be that man that you need. I'm going to allow you to be the woman that you want to be and need to be. I'm gonna treat you like the queen you deserve to be treated like. Oh, I heard something the other day. Not queen, because you know, but I'm the empress.

Speaker 1: 44:01

If I didn't know my worth, if I didn't truly understand the importance of what I have to offer, if I didn't truly understand the importance of why I need to look after self and why I need to put myself first, I don't think I would have been able to manage, develop, grow and nurture those fundamental relationships that I have had in the last two years, the way that I have them now. And I've spoken just about those three groups. I haven't even touched upon the relationship with my daughter, which has really flourished. That, again, is through vulnerability. Now me and my daughter are ever so close. Anyway, since she's been at uni, I literally speak to her every day. I don't speak to her every day. By the morning of the following day I'm like you alive, or she messages me. She is everything to me. Making sure that she understands her worth is also everything to me.

Speaker 1: 45:15

And how do you teach a girl child to truly be at her full potential if you yourself is not at your full potential, how do you own self-love and self-care and look after yourself and put yourself first if you're not practicing what you preach? I think she has seen the importance of certain things that I have adopted in my life and is also trying to adopt them in hers, but it's also trying to show her another way. She's still young and we all make mistakes and we all have carved out our own path, but I believe, if I can be an example, then the trips and falls that she has along the way she can still remind herself of. This is how my mum overcome, or this is how we overcome, or this is the advice that I am receiving, and I take it because it is someone that has the knowledge and the experience to give me that feedback. So where are we now? Now I want to just let you know it's an ongoing journey. It's an ongoing trip.

Speaker 1: 46:38

You're constantly growing your self-love and your self-care bucket. It doesn't just you don't just get to a point and that's it. You get to a point where, at the beginning, I struggled to do self-care, I struggled to make it a priority, but you then turn the page and you're just not surviving. You're thriving. So I'm not surviving off some little self-care bits that I do, I'm not surviving on some little acts of affirmations that I speak. I am thriving because I'm owning everything that I've said and every day I'm trying to do something else, to improve, to grow, to nurture, and not just say I did that yesterday so I don't need to do that today. I've already thought about that, so I don't need to do that.

Speaker 1: 47:37

I'm in a space in my life right now where I struggled with certain relationships. I struggled with areas of life because I've always tried to prove and always trying to outdo and not really just considered who I was at as a person. I'm now in a place in my life where I'm like you know what. I'm not perfect, but I know exactly what I want and what I need to do, and I may not always get it right, but I am definitely going to take a good stab at trying to make sure that I do it as close to how I need to be doing it and because of that, I'm no longer struggling, I'm no longer clutching, I'm no longer doubting.

Speaker 1: 48:34

I am thriving in this season. I am thriving from level to level to level, from strength to strength, just excelling in that love bracket. I say that because I never want to stay on this same level. I just want to continually grow, because by continually growing I'm continually learning, I'm continually improving, meaning I don't become too comfortable with what I have now. It's moving to that next level, it's enhancing it a little bit more, it's going that a little bit more above and beyond to not only just empower me but empower those around me. I want to thrive, to enable someone else to see it and think I want to thrive. The same way, I don't want to settle, but I want to thrive. I don't want to be struggling. I want to thrive in my personality. I want to thrive in my attitude. I want to thrive at work. I want to thrive at home. I want to thrive in my worship in church. I want to thrive in my friendships. I want to thrive financially. I don't want to struggle, struggle, struggle. There comes a point where you just have to and you want to draw the line on struggling. You want to get to that place where you are just thriving.

Speaker 1: 50:07

You started off on the ground floor in the elevator. So let's just say 2001, I was on G 2002. I elevated to the second floor, 2004. I am currently elevating to the second floor, 2004,. I am currently elevating to the sixth. And you know what? I don't know the height of this elevator. I don't know how high it's going to go, I don't know how long it's going to go up, but right now the only button is those that's going up. You know, when you need a key card to let you go back to the next floor, I don't have that key card because the elevator's going and I'm good and I'm okay with that.

Speaker 1: 50:46

I will embrace each floor, each level, as I approach it. But I'm not going back down. I may stop. You know the elevator stops for a moment. You go out, you explore this level, see what's going on, but once I get back in, I'm going back up so I can take a little pause, a little rest, break. But I am putting me at the centre, at the forefront, to know that the struggles that I once went through, I'm not going to sit within that bucket anymore. I'm going to get my key card, I'm going to scan the elevator and I'm going to go up along the way. I will take whoever I can take, but we are going to make it and there are ways we can make it. Let me give you some of those ways, and I did a post about this, but I'm going to share them here.

Speaker 1: 51:33

So one first of all, explore your passions. Take time out to reconnect with activities, hobbies that just ignite your passions and bring you joy. It might be creative things you like, might you might like creating clothes, designing things, painting, walking, hiking, writing, playing, music, singing, but immerse yourself in an activity that's just gonna resonate with your soul and just allow you to get lost in it, allow you to just feel like you are free, and it just takes you out of a current state that you're in. Next is mindfulness. Practice mindfulness, engage in meditation, deep breathing. People do yoga, pilates Just to feel the stretch. Put yourself at the center. Have some quiet time. Allow yourself to just let go of the worries Past, present, future. Allow yourself to embrace the stillness, calmness, the silence, and just think about experiencing life as it unfolds. When you start doing that, try and then spend time alone. Carve out time so that you can have moments of solitude, which will allow you to reflect, recharge and reconnect with your inner self.

Speaker 1: 53:00

Some people I knew, someone who so, so busy. They would go on a tube and literally go to the end of the line, have their headphones on, absorb a book, write in their note, listen to some music, get to the end of the line, get off and then come back. Other times is go downstairs, go to your living room, go to put the TV on, but when you do put it on mute and just sit there. Try to not actively look at the screen. Try to just take a moment to be with yourself. Use the time to journal, meditate or be with your thought without any distraction, see what comes to mind. You might just want a little cry. It's okay.

Speaker 1: 53:39

In the time you spend alone, sometimes you get to a point where you can feel really lonely. You're like I'm so alone. Just take a moment to think about why you feel alone. What's missing, what is around you that's, you think, is causing you to feel so alone and that loneliness, is it on you or is it the fact that you've kept people around? That is not actually contributing to your life but is actually depleting? Every single time they're with you or send you a message or anything that involves them is draining more than rewarding, and because of that there's a level of loneliness because you're not actually getting to be you. You're just drained, tired, exhausted.

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One of my favorites is set boundaries establishing healthy boundaries in all types of relationships, like not just your relationships with your partner, but with your parents, with your children, with your colleague. It's really important that you set boundaries so people understand what it is that you need, what it is that you do and how you need to prioritize that and your well-being, because sometimes we need to learn to say no to commitments or situations that drain our energy or we need to set limits on how much we give to others of ourselves. So boundaries is really important because then it allows us to see the space that we have around us that we could use for something else. Nurture your body. I learned this too late in the game. Take care of your body and your like. Eat properly, stay hydrated, get your vitamins, your supplements, whatever it is that you need. Get enough sleep. I still don't do it. I'm trying get enough sleep. Engage in regular exercise and treat yourself to acts of kindness. Be compassionate, consider your body, consider things that you're doing, things that you're not doing, that you need to do, listen to your body and also make sure you get a health check and just get to know the changes of your body as well.

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Definitely, us women and ladies, as we go through different emotions, as we get older, different health, seek growth. Seek growth, embrace opportunities for personal growth and self-development. How set goals? Align them biblically, if you are into your faith. Align them with your values, aspirations. Do they involve learning a new skill, going back to study, and do you have something on there that's allowing you to step out of your comfort zone and do something that you're really passionate about? When you're seeking growth, make sure you break them down into bite-sized activities to allow you to see how you are going to approach them and what sort of timelines and deliverables you are giving yourself. And I always say give and make sure you have an accountability partner to hold you accountable. If this is something you really want to do, make sure you've got someone to hold you accountable for what you are putting down and what you actually want to do.

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Connect with nature, go outside. Don't always be stuck at home or in the office. Spend time outdoors with nature, rejuvenate your spirit, find solace in the beauty of the natural world. If you don't have a dog, unfortunately, you might need a bit more momentum to go for, like some really long leisurely walks. So, if it's not walking, get a bike, ride your bike around town. Simply go somewhere and sit in a park or go to a new area and just walk around the town. Go somewhere that has quiet space and green space, so you're not literally in the hustle and bustle of the city capital, where it's just noise and pollution everywhere.

Speaker 1: 58:34

And then practice gratitude. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude by focusing on positive aspects of your life and expressing appreciation for the blessings that you have. I recently did affirmations where I encourage the listeners to create a gratitude list, which will allow you to just keep a list or a journal where you regularly write down things you're thankful for, which will allow you to cultivate a sense of abundance and contentment. Sometimes we don't see or we don't appreciate the small things. We move on to the next, next, next, next. It was a small thing, so I don't need to be concerned about that. We've got to give thanks for some of these small changes that are being applied on our life that allows us to be better or it moves the goalposts, that allows us to do something else, gives us a little bit of confidence or gives us a reward that makes us know oh, this was the right thing to do. Now let me try this.

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By prioritizing self-care and incorporating some of these practices into your daily life, you can embark on a journey of self-discovery and just a space of rediscovering yourself away from the busyness of life. But remember to be patient and compassionate. Days I shared with you my stories, and that's taken years. Don't give up. Allow yourself time and space to study, grow and evolve. Allow yourself to understand this person of who you're becoming and who you want to be, and what changes you have to make along the way. As we wrap up today's episode, I leave you with a quote by Andre Lord Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare. Remember prioritizing self-care is not selfish, it's revolutionary. It's about reclaiming your power, honoring your worth, living unapologetically as your truest self.

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Thank you for listening to A Striving Butterfly with your host, colleen. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate and share with your host, colleen. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, rate and share with your friends. And take a second to reset. Hit that control alt delete button as we are on this journey together of being vulnerable, owning our truth, rediscovering ourselves, being authentic and building on our future, whilst becoming the best version of ourselves. Don't forget to share this podcast with someone else. Follow me on instagram, facebook, tiktok. Until next time, embrace authenticity, practice self-care and remember to always be unapologetically you.