Rebuilding You – Removing the Weight and Rediscovering Your Authentic Self

After experiencing shame and the struggle of consistently showing up, it’s time to take back your power—not by rushing the process but by embracing the journey of rebuilding. In this episode of Striving Butterfly, I explore what it truly means to remove the weight of shame, focus on personal growth, and step into your authentic self.

We’ll explore:
 ✅ The power of consistency and why it’s essential for rebuilding confidence
 ✅ Practical steps to release self-blame and reclaim your self-worth
 ✅ How to rediscover who you are beyond shame and past mistakes
 ✅ A scripture of encouragement to remind you that your healing is already in motion

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every small step counts. You are not your past, and you are not alone. Let’s start this journey together.

Listen now, and don’t forget to check out the Daily Affirmations episode for an extra boost of encouragement.

🎧 Available on all major podcast platforms!

#SelfGrowth #HealingJourney #OvercomingShame #Confidence #PersonalDevelopment #Faith #Authenticity #Podcast #StrivingButterfly

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Rebuilding Yourself
• 1:32 Processing Heartbreak and Blame
• 5:36 Taking Control Through Self-Reflection
• 8:59 The Power of Consistency in Healing
• 13:21 Rebuilding Confidence After Shame
• 18:24 Rediscovering Your Authentic Self
• 22:11 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Transcript

Coleen Myers: 0:00

Episode 3, rebuilding you Removing the Way and Rediscovering your Authentic Self. In this episode, I'll be sharing what consistency really means, because rebuilding yourself isn't a one-way thing, it's a daily commitment. We're also going to look at practical tips to rebuild your confidence even when you feel uncertain or unworthy, and then how to rediscover your authentic self by embracing who you are, without the weight of shame. It can be done. Yes, it can be done. So I want you to get cozy, get a drink of something nice and chill out, and if you can't get a drink or something nice, grab yourself a donut or something sweet, something that just cheers you up, and something a little bit naughty that you know, but you just really just need at this moment in time. Healing doesn't mean going back to who you were. It means becoming who you were meant to be. That's what this episode is about. Rebuilding from the inside out.

Coleen Myers: 1:32

After going through my shame or what I would enlist as shame, and the struggle to even own it and show up consistently, was a lot like if I just take you back and I won't go into the weeds of it, but I'll just take you back when I was in my relationship. Yeah, we had, because we had disagreements, but I thought it was normal relationship disagreements that you have when you go through. You have highs and you have lows, you have good days, you have bad days, but it's all about getting to know each other. I never really knew that this of being separated was going to happen. I didn't think that we were going to break up. So when it actually took place, it was like a wound that had hit my chest. If you've had heartburn, you know that tear up, feeling like ooh, that's how it felt. It felt like I was lost, confused, I'd been missing something. I just didn't know how to or where to place myself. I cried a lot and I picked a lot of blame at myself Because I was trying to figure out. What did you do? What did you do? What did you do? What did you do? Um, you did this, you did this, you did this question, that question, this question, that. Yeah, it's your fault. It had to be your fault because we didn't really work through and discuss the actual issue. It just sort of fell apart and there was no real discussion of to how, why, where, when and what. There was a lot of confusion as to what actually took place and it took me back. It just felt like I was winded. It felt like I was somewhat blindsided, but to myself blindsided because it was like why didn't you see this? Why didn't you know? Why did you ignore? Like there were some things that you saw. Why did you ignore it or leave it?

Coleen Myers: 4:04

But we fast forward and I'm in a place now where and even at the start of this year and last year is very much I want to take control back, like, yeah, the first couple of months were tough and you know what. There's even times when, yeah, I thought about him. There's times when I'm like, oh, I remember this. There's times when I go through something in my phone and there's still a memory um, we traveled a hell of a lot. So there's still things that I come across and reminisce on. It was a lot.

Coleen Myers: 4:45

But at the start of the year and back end of last year and the start of this year, I was like I need to take back control of where I was with myself, what I became quite inward, quite quiet and I'm already a quiet person to some degree about my private life. I'm very quiet, um, and just quite reserved and standoffish with my feelings. There weren't really any room to open the door. It was quite hard, quite stern, quite a bit of a wall up, and some of that has been legacy and I can break that down in other episodes, and some of it was a guard and protection so that I didn't get or feel hurt like I was in a previous relationship or a previous time. But what I wanted to do is also make sure that I wasn't rushing the process of healing, I wasn't ignoring the feelings that I had and I was dealing with things day by day. And to do that I very much had to stay close to my nearest and dearest, leaning on trusted voices of trying to figure out how to rebuild who I was, without ignoring it. Sometimes, and in previous relationships, when they have broken down, I've sort of moved quick, put it to bed, didn't reflect, I'm just like I'm done with that, now let's go. But I wanted to process it all, understand what took place and what's taken place in me, understand how I can recover from this feeling of shame. And it's about working through each moment, each step, each piece, without getting lost in myself, each piece without getting lost in myself, and reminding myself that my well-being and my health is a number one priority and my goals don't lose sight of them.

Coleen Myers: 7:19

I became quiet in a sense, where I wasn't doing my podcast, I wasn't doing this, I wasn't doing my baby, and this was to be all about your authentic self and I didn't want to talk about it. Let's be real, I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to go through the ins and outs, I didn't want to the questions of what happened, why blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just didn't want it. So I leaned on people and I graveled around people that I knew would just inspire, uplift, encourage and make me continually aware that you can do this. And there has been bigger heartbreak, bigger losses, bigger struggles than this. And someone would say, no, when you hit 40, heartbreak is the worst and it is and I mentioned it before it didn't feel like any other because I'm older and you're like you don't make these mistakes when you're older.

Coleen Myers: 8:34

But one of the things that I had to get out of myself of was very much thinking. It was all me, like I said at the top, and blaming, blaming, blaming, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. So one of the things I did I'll never forget um. I watched a lot of um YouTube videos and listened to a lot of podcasts about healing and relationship breakups and what to do and how to deal with it, and in one of them it was very much write a list of all the things and all the reasons why it would have never worked. Write a list of all the things why he just wasn't the one. Write a list on all the reasons that, without realizing, you settled. And read it out.

Coleen Myers: 9:36

So when I was having a moment of oh no, I'm all alone and I miss this person and I can't believe it, and I thought we was going to the ends of time, I would go in my phone and I would pull the list up and I'll be like, oh yeah, or I'll just remind myself of the list and I'll be like, oh yeah, it's not about me dwelling in the bitterness, it's not about me having and throwing daggers at this individual, but it's freeing myself from the burden of wanting to be perfect or also wanting to find a reason to blame myself, so that can be the excuse of why now I am all um great and I've self-discovered myself. No, I wanted to own that. There was going to be an element of anger that I was going to go through and there's an element of where I settled and there's an element where it takes two to tango. Have a little bit of joy in it, write your list and when you're digging yourself at why this and why that and why and me and me and me, have a look at your list and there was a few little funny things that I wrote down where I would have a little giggle of the reasons why it just weren't going to work. And it just allows you doing exercises like that and doing exercises to remind yourself of who you are yourself, of who you are, and sometimes doing it when you're not comfortable to share and talk because you think your girls are going to be like, uh duh, we knew it weren't going to last or why did you even write that? Rather than that, things that you don't feel comfortable doing, you can just do it in your phone that way and having it written down and reflecting back is a way that you can also look at and think hmm, this is where I take control and rebuild at my own pace, and rebuilding at your own pace and getting back to who you were and not falling off the beaten track and knowing that you need to continually be this person who you was before. It's very much going into the power of consistency in rebuilding.

Coleen Myers: 12:24

When you're healing, consistency in rebuilding. When you're healing, it's easy to feel like you're taking one step forward and two steps back, but consistency is the bridge between where you are and where you want to be. The definition of consistency and it is my word for 2025, if you me, I do my vision boards and that is my word of the year consistency. And consistency is not about perfection. It's about showing up even when it's hard. It's making the small, intentional choices every day that slowly rebuild your confidence. So I started being real, consistent two years ago and then I fell off the beaten track. I build some solid stuff, I delivered some great pieces of work, and then I weren't consistent. But this year I was like no, no, no. Consistency is key, but it can be very hard to stay consistent.

Coleen Myers: 13:40

So ways to help you stay consistent, if you're thinking about it, is create a morning routine. Start with one small positive action. Create a morning routine. Start with one small positive action like gratitude journaling, or reading affirmations, or stretching, like a little fitness, a jog in the morning to set the tone of your day, and we all do it or we think about it. Set yourself realistic goals Instead of aiming for perfection.

Coleen Myers: 14:28

Aim for progress. Don't be so hard on yourself. Everything takes time. Schedule and I mean schedule, whether it's in your phone set the alarm, tell Alexa, write it and block it out in your calendar at work. Whatever is going to do so you get a ping or an alert. Schedule self check ins. Schedule them Regularly. Pause and ask yourself am I being kind to myself? Am I being kind to myself today?

Coleen Myers: 15:19

Practical tips for rebuilding confidence. Shame might have left you feeling so small, like it did me, but rebuilding confidence is about learning to trust yourself again and knowing that you are in control of your own life. Ways to rebuild confidence is very much celebrate the small wins, whether it's speaking up in a meeting at work or showing kindness to yourself. It matters, it plays a part. Put yourself forward for something you didn't think you could before. But you know you are more than capable of Reframe. Reframe Negative self-talk, negative thoughts.

Coleen Myers: 16:20

When self-doubt creeps in, challenge it with affirmation like don't let it fester, don't let it sit down in your mind, don't start creating other stories. If you need extra support, go back and listen to the daily affirmations that I have on my channel. I also sell affirmation cards and gratitude jars. So don't sit there alone and don't sit in silence, and if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone, get yourself a set of affirmation cards. Or just even watch back the YouTube videos and see. Let me just take one. If I don't feel comfortable saying them all out loud, let me just start with one. And this is really just to remind you of who you are and your greatness, and not to dim the light on all of that greatness, because when you can then do that, you know that it's a time to step outside of your comfort zone. Step outside, right outside of your comfort zone. Confidence grows when you prove to yourself that you can handle more than you thought. And it's not about listening to who's done it before or why they haven't done it, or this is something too extreme for you because you've never done anything like it before. Follow your gut. Follow your gut. Follow the boldness of just wanting to do and be different than the expectation that has always been set for you, rediscovering your authentic self.

Coleen Myers: 18:24

Well, when you've been carrying shame, you often lose touch with who you really are. Rebuilding is about reconnecting with the parts of yourself that shame have tried to silence, the parts of yourself that you've tried to close the door on. Now, sometimes we bury ourselves in work. We bury ourselves in alcohol. We bury ourselves in work. We bury ourselves in alcohol. We bury ourselves in just party and good tactics. We bury ourselves in other people's downfall. We bury ourselves in other people's relationships, all to avoid how we feel, and sometimes it's just not wanting to come to terms with who you are. Because you felt, because something has made you feel shame. That person's wrong, that person's not worthy, that person can't, that person's broken.

Coleen Myers: 19:29

But there's so many ways that can allow you to be your authentic self and own the flaws and the beauty together. Reconnect with the things that you love. Do something that makes you feel alive. It just sets your hair on edge because you just know it gives you goosebumps, whether it's creating, exploring or simply being. Still Allow yourself to feel alive, yourself to feel alive. Let go of the old labels. Let it. It's yours.

Coleen Myers: 20:41

Authenticity means embracing your full journey. Guys, stop leaving pieces out and then having meltdowns and breakdowns and then it comes out another way. Include it all. Include all of the messy parts, because it makes you who you are. It makes you unique, it makes you more relatable and it allows people to connect. Because now you've experienced something they have and you may think no, it's only me that's gone through this. No, there's many people that go through the same as you, just maybe a different network, a different group, or they suffered in silence and don't feel bold or confident enough to share for my scripture lovers, psalms 14, he heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Let this remind you your healing, your healing, is God's work too. You don't have to do it alone. You don't. You don't.

Coleen Myers: 22:21

If you've been feeling the weight of shame, remember you are worthy of rebuilding. You are worthy of starting again. You are worthy of everything that you worthy of starting again. You are worthy of everything that you put on your goals list. You are worthy of every vision, every dream, every idea that you've seen.

Coleen Myers: 22:39

Some stories are meant to mess up because it allows us to change our stance and do things different. It allows us to be stretched and go outside of the box, however much we don't enjoy it, however much it's painful, however much it's embarrassing and however much we feel shameful. None of us are here To be perfect. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to keep showing up, dusting off your shoulders and going again. You got this, I got this. As you go through through your own process of rebuilding, hold on to this. You don't have to rebuild overnight, but you do have to start, no matter how slow the journey feels. Every step forward, every step forward counts. Listen to this episode on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform, and don't forget to check out the Daily Affirmations episode for an extra dose of encouragement, and I'll see you again soon.