How to Gain Self-Love and Create a Better Reality - The Quiet Power of Choosing Yourself

Self-love is more than a trend — it’s the foundation of your reality. In this episode of Striving Butterfly, I unpack what true self-love looks like, why it matters, and how to use it to create a life that reflects your worth.

You’ll hear:

• What self-love really means
• How your choices are shaped by how you value yourself
• 5 practical steps to practice self-love
• The connection between renewing your mind and transforming your reality (Romans 12:2)

Takeaway affirmation: “I am worthy of love, joy, and peace — and I create a reality that honours my worth.”

Share this episode with someone who needs the reminder that they are worthy of a better reality.

#SelfLove #AuthenticLiving #StrivingButterfly

Transcript

What Self-Love Really Means

Speaker 1 0:00

Self-love is more than buying yourself flowers . It's more than doing things . Self-love is a lot . I've lost so much , but I've gained so much , and the gaining is why I want to share what and how I've taken this self-love journey so seriously and why I'm sharing it with you . Nearly two years now I've been single and I didn't drop off on my self-care and my self-love . I just went quiet , and I had to be quiet to ensure that I was still doing the things that were important to me and not bleeding on this channel .

Speaker 1 0:37

I take self-love , self-care , really , really serious , and one thing to know is that there are peaks and trots and there are good days and there's bad days , there's lows , there's highs and there's the all in between . That's life . But it's being able to know that if you fall down , you can get back up , and when you get back up , you're stronger than when you initially fell . And it's learning from everything that has been a lesson . Everything that is shaped who you are becoming , everything that is shaped what you're doing now . All of this is so important to your journey . Hey , everyone , welcome back to the striving butterfly podcast . I'm so glad you're here with me today because it has been a hot minute , and it's always a hot minute , but this episode is one that I think we all need at some point in our journey .

Speaker 1 1:34

I'm talking about self-love , not just the Instagram version of it , but the deep level that can actually shift your reality and the way you experience life . Now , let's be honest , self-love can sound cliche , right like oh , just love yourself more . But if it were that simple , we'll all be walking around glowing unstoppable . The truth is , self-love takes intention . It takes unlearning some things . It takes the courage to show up for ourselves in a way that maybe no one else ever has . Now don't get me wrong . It's not always going to be 100% perfect . Depending on life experiences and seasons and the time that you're in right now with your life , we can pick up and drop self-love like a drop of a hat , but it's being able to remind yourself that I need to put myself first , I need to check in , I need to evaluate what I'm doing and how I'm doing it for myself right now . So let's start right here . What

Redefining Self-Love Beyond Social Media

Speaker 1 3:01

actually is self-love ? Self-love isn't just about bubble baths , candles , talking to yourself in the mirror or treating yourself , though those things can all help and those things are nice . It's deeper than that and I've spoken about it before on previous episodes , about it before on previous episodes .

Speaker 1 3:30

Self-love is about honouring yourself at your core . It's respecting yourself and honouring who you are . It's how you talk to yourself when nobody else is around , whether there's a mirror or not , whether the record button is on or not . It's about how you protect your peace . It's the way you choose to show up for yourself , even when you feel unworthy or overlooked . Now that is deep and that is hard , because when you've been knocked and poked and dropped and dumped and just had the whole world against you , picking yourself back up to talk through why you are enough and why you are worthy is a lot . It's tough . It's not just a feeling , which is why , even when those low days come , when you build the habit and when you build the understanding and when you really take a moment to reflect , you know that it is a daily mindset , a daily attitude , a daily action that you just need to take . It's a part of your identity . Need to take , it's a part of your identity . It's acceptance and it is action . So just remember that self-love isn't just a tick box that you put on your to-do list . It's not just talking to yourself in the mirror . It's your identity , it's your acceptance and it is your action .

Speaker 1 5:24

When you love yourself like when you really truly love yourself and not just bigging up yourself like big up trigger , you start to move differently . You don't beg for validation in places where it's never been

How Self-Love Shapes Your Reality

Speaker 1 5:47

given . You don't ask for validation from people that you know is going to validate you . You don't shrink yourself to fit into rooms that can't handle your fullness . Now I'm going to say that again because I didn't think that hit home . You do not shrink yourself to fit into rooms that can't handle your fullness . Instead , you carry a quiet confidence that says I'm enough , right here , right now .

Speaker 1 6:34

Now , here's the thing the way you love yourself shapes the reality you live in . The way you love yourself shapes the reality that you live in . By shaping the reality also frames the people that you have around you . It changes your mindset . It changes the value of things . It changes how you respond to things . Think about it .

Speaker 1 7:09

If I believe I am unworthy , I'll accept less than I deserve . I'll stay in relationships that drain me . I stay in jobs that suffocate me . I'll compromise , I'll hold back from opportunities that could potentially change my life , but when I believe I am worthy , I start to choose differently . I know that I need to protect my boundaries . I chase opportunities that align with me and I absolutely refuse to settle . And when you do that consistently , when I do that consistently , my reality , my life , my walk , walk , my journey , it all shifts . And I'm not saying it's easy , I'm not saying whoo it's , it's not like just switching a light , switch on , no .

Speaker 1 8:19

But when you are consistent , as with anything , your life , your reality , everything that you're doing just shifts . The life that you're living , the life and the reality , the life that you've built and the life that you're building is built by your choices , and your choices are shaped by how much you love yourself . You might think no , I've just got to make decisions . And I've got to make choices because I need to give an answer right now . I need to respond now . They need it now . Somebody needs me now . I've always done that . It's always been that way . Baby girl , baby boy , your choices are shaped by how much you love yourself and you can take a moment to think about the choice that you are going to make . Don't let anybody rush you make . Don't let anybody rush you . Don't let anybody rush you for a decision when they have taken time to make and do what our own decision who ?

Speaker 1 9:37

We sometimes value other people's decisions more than we value our own decisions , so we don't consider if the decision that we're making is the right decision that we should be making for ourselves , because we've put someone else's decision ahead of ours so that person , whoever it is , may have done all of their self-love and self-care activities where you're not even considering yours . So you've just made a decision based on the actions and the decisions that work for them , but they may not work for you . They may harm you .

Practical Steps to Deeper Self-Love

Speaker 1 10:34

But let's get around this . Here are some practical steps to gain self-love . Let's talk about how , because I know you might be thinking OK , colleen , but how do I actually start to love myself more ? How do I love myself better ? How do I change my behaviours , like I don't want to go into 2026 and maybe I'm too late because I'm already hitting September . No , it's never too late .

Speaker 1 11:02

So pull up a pen , get your notepad , your phone , whatever it is , to jot down these notes . One audit your self-talk . Pay attention to the words you speak over yourself . Are you your biggest critic or your biggest encourager ? Start replacing the harshness with gentleness . Start replacing the harshness with gentleness . If you want to do an exercise , you can get a plain piece of paper and literally draw a line all the way down the middle critic on one side , encourager on the other side and write down all the things you say to criticize yourself and all the things you say to encourage yourself . How does it weigh out ? How does it balance ? Does it to redefine success ? Stop measuring yourself against everybody else's timeline . Your journey is yours . Celebrate at your pace . Celebrate at your pace . It doesn't mean rush your pace . It doesn't mean change your deadlines . It means your timeline is your timeline and when you have made those achievements small , medium and big ones celebrate at your pace . It doesn't mean everyone's going to celebrate with you , they don't need to but celebrate your wins .

Speaker 1 12:37

Three see your boundaries as love . Start seeing no as a form of self-care . A lot will change in your life when you start using no , a lot more . But your whole mindset shift , your whole behavior , your whole attitude towards things will move in the direction that they need to and the dead weight fall or become obsolete or reduce , draining you because you're not so available . Protecting your peace is not selfish , and I've said it before it is not selfish , it's sacred . If you don't want to answer the phone , if you don't want to go somewhere , if you don't want to mix in certain things , if you don't want to do that job , if you don't want to give that money over because you've been saving for something else , know the difference . It's not selfish , it's sacred . I'm working towards something . I don't want to go out because it means I've got to spend money and I don't have that money because I want to actually help someone else out this month .

Speaker 1 14:03

Four celebrate your small wins . Don't wait until you've arrived to celebrate yourself . Honour every step , even the quiet ones . If you do like a to-do list , like me , like once a week and sometimes throughout every day , I will change that list accordingly if I need to reprioritize . Ticking an item off is something to celebrate because you've achieved it . You've done it . It doesn't not everything has to be what you see on your goals list . You know those five big wins that you said you was gonna have . That is not just the only wins that you celebrate . Celebrate them all , but all of these small wins . They should be celebrated because they're going to take you to your big win .

Speaker 1 14:58

Yay , spend time with yourself . Spend time with yourself , whether it's journaling , whether it's prayer , whether it's reflection , whether it's netflix , whether it's just nothing . Listening to music , create space to hear your own voice , to be in stillness , to chill and to reconnect with who you really are . You can watch Netflix for downtime , but then you might say to yourself let me just chill out for a bit and have no noise , no disturbance , nothing . Let me just journal , let me read , let me just reflect . And then , after every activity or whichever activity that you chose , let me take a moment to deep what that was or what's taking place here , moment to deep what that was or what's taking place here . These steps may be small , may feel , but they build a foundation of self-respect and when you respect yourself , your whole reality begins to realign with that respect .

Speaker 1 16:16

So how do you create a better reality from this place of self-love ? You start by asking yourself what would my life look like if I fully loved myself ? What would I stop tolerating ? What would I go after boldly ? That's where the shift begins . Visualization is powerful , but it has to be paired with action . So there's no point doing your goals , there's no point drawing pictures , there's no point screenshotting your whole life from Instagram or what everyone else does and then just leaving it there . You need to take action . You need to create steps for how you're going to deliver the actions Each day .

Speaker 1 17:04

Choose one thing that reflects the life you want to build . Maybe it's saying no to something that drains you . Maybe it's sending the email you've been too scared to send . Maybe it's saying no to something that drains you . Maybe it's sending the email you've been too scared to send . Maybe it's responding to the text messages in your phone . Maybe it's resting when you feel guilty about pausing . Your current reality is not permanent . It's a reflection of past choices . And here's good news choices can change , which means your reality can change too , like I have been through it .

Speaker 1 17:49

My journey of self-love and self-care has been one that I have packed many years , many , many years . It's not oh . I just decided today to wake up to do self-care and safe love , and that's it . It takes time , it takes discipline , it takes consistency Because , trust me , when you start actionably doing what is right for you , actionably doing what is right for you , when you put yourself at the top of the list of making sure you are in the right place at the right time . Mentally , emotionally , you start to see that everything else around you changes . People change around you because you're not so available .

Speaker 1 18:30

I have lost friends and some of it has been my own fault , so this is not a blame game . I have lost friends and some of it has been my own fault , so this is not a blame game . I have lost friends . Relationships has broken down on both sides and all of it has had an impact on my self-care and my self-love . Some of the relationship breakdown has been because I haven't done that self-love and that self-care . I haven't taken a moment . Some relationships and some actions have broken down because of my work , where I've given so much , I haven't taken time out and everything is happening in the office . Nothing is happening for I , because and because I haven't put me at the center . Everything else around me has broken down because I didn't put myself first and I didn't prioritize properly . So by the time I prioritized , I've lost things . Um , it hasn't all been me , hasn't all been me .

Embracing Loss as Part of Growth

Speaker 1 19:26

Some changes happen because certain people needed to be removed from my life and we all need certain actions to take place . We don't all like them , we don't all agree , we don't all believe that certain decisions that we make are the right ones . But trust me in time , if something has left your life , as something has disappeared , if something is just no longer , just take a moment to think . Am I still winning by the change that has taken place in my life ? Am I still here ? Yes , is my mind sane ? Yes , am I able to still go out and do the things that I've wanted and needed to do ? Yes , do I still have my dear family members not the ones that I've lost , but the ones that are still here present ? Yes , start looking at this list and if someone has left your life because they didn't value you , or if you had to make some changes because someone didn't value what you was bringing , look at everything else that is still blooming around you .

Speaker 1 20:32

There are many times we can see ourselves as a plant or a flower . You know me . We bloom and along the way , some things wither , some things are not going to stay with us on our journey , as we rise up , as we go closer to the light , as we go closer to the warmth , as we go closer to being the best versions of ourselves , as we go closer to climbing the ladder , as we go closer to really understanding our purpose . As we go closer to climbing the ladder , as we go closer to really understanding our purpose , as we go closer to really get into grips with who we are , we know that some leaves just wither , some leaves die off and some things we actually need to pick and remove because they're no longer sufficient .

Speaker 1 21:17

Think about it in a sense where don't always take every loss as a negative and give yourself a moment to see what is the meaning behind the loss . What is the meaning behind the behavior change ? What is the meaning behind this ? Is it deliberate ? Was it necessary ? And because of that , what do I now need to do to make this better , to make a change , to make a difference ? Or what do I now need to do to allow myself to continuously bloom and enjoy the blooming season that I'm in ?

Speaker 1 21:49

I'm a flower and I look beautiful on the inside and the out . Yeah , not every day I may look great , I may have been , I want . I once was a seed . I once was a flower that had no pretty colors , but I've bloomed and I'm going to embrace my blooming if I've washed everything off that was no longer needed to be on me , including my own actions and my own behaviors that weren't great . Let me allow that freedom in myself to be able to be a better person and be able to bloom and have people see that I'm blooming . Now here's a verse I'll share with you , one of my faves romans 12 to be transformed by the renewing of your mind . Transformation starts in your mind . When you renew the way you think about yourself , when you renew your belief in your worth , your whole reality begins to transform . So I want you to say this with me I am worthy of love , joy and peace , and I create a reality that honors my worth .

Speaker 1 23:04

Self-love is more than buying yourself flowers . It's more than doing things . Self-love is a lot . I've lost so much , but I've gained so much , and the gaining is why I want to share what and how I've taken this self-love journey so seriously and why I'm sharing it with you . Nearly two years now , I've been single and I didn't drop off on my self-care and my self-love . I just went quiet , and I had to be quiet to ensure that I was still doing the things that were important to me and not bleeding on this channel .

Speaker 1 23:48

I take self-love , self-care , really , really serious , and one thing to know is that there are peaks and trots , and there are good days and there's bad days , there's lows , there's highs and there's the all in between . That's life . But it's being able to know that if you fall down , you can get back up , and when you get back up , you're stronger than when you initially fell . And it's learning learning from everything that has been a lesson . Everything that is shaped , who you are becoming , everything that is shaped , what you're doing now all of this is so important to your journey . The striving butterfly is such a healer for me and it also holds me accountable to that journey . And if you are struggling , really struggling , I just tell you just take , give yourself a break and take a moment and take time and really just carve out what self-love actually looks like for you , what a better reality would look like for you . Just carve it out and don't include anybody else .

Speaker 1 24:52

This is about you , you , you , you , you , you . Sometimes we get so caught up . What about this person ? What about the kids ? What about my partner ? What about that ?

Speaker 1 25:03

For you to be strong and good and at your top form , you need to be able to put yourself first . And it's not everything is all about me . It's about being able to show up in your best format and not cutting corners , and not being drained and not looking mash up , and not being ratty or cranky because you haven't had enough sleep or you just haven't had a moment to recalibrate , or you've got so much going on and you're just overwhelmed . There's so many reasons . Be kind to yourself , because if you're not , who's gonna be ? And if you're not , how do you know when someone is genuinely being kind to you ? To be kind to yourself .

Speaker 1 25:43

Forgive yourself , let it go . You made a mistake . It's time to move on . Let it go . You've owned it . You knew you was responsible . Allow yourself to really change what is coming .

Speaker 1 25:58

I love you .

Speaker 1 25:58

I love you for who you . I love you for who you are . I love you for who you're shaping to be . I love you for just putting yourself first . You are enough . I am enough . I am so worthy of all

Final Thoughts and Personal Affirmations

Speaker 1 26:13

that is being crafted and handed to me . I am worthy of it all and no one will take that away from me . I forgive myself , I love myself . I'm worthy of it all and no one will take that away from me . I forgive myself , I love myself . I'm going to show up for myself . I'm going to do it for myself . I'm going to clap for myself because you know what I can do that and I love that . So , as I wrap up , I want you to remember this Self-love isn't about being perfect .

Speaker 1 26:39

It's about being present with yourself , choosing yourself daily as a priority , aligning your choices with your worth and trusting that even small steps forward are rewriting your story . This week , I'd love , love , love , love , love , for you to take one step , just one , to show yourself more love . And , when you do , share it with me . Send me a message , tag me or drop it in the comments . I want to celebrate those steps with you because I know exactly what it is like . I want to celebrate those steps with you because I know exactly what it is like . Thank you for tuning in today . Remember , the butterfly is proof that growth may be hidden for a season , but the beauty always unfolds . Until next time , keep blooming , keep becoming and keep creating a reality that reflects your worth . I'm your host , colleen , and you've been listening to the Striving Butterfly podcast . Go and listen to one of the previous episodes , because you missed out on so much . Missed out on so much . Don't forget to like , subscribe and comment . I'd love to hear your thoughts and how you and your spin on self-love .