The Power of Yes, No & Embracing Life's Possibilities

Have you ever wondered about the profound impact of a simple 'yes' or 'no'? My journey, much inspired by Shonda Rhimes' transformative book, 'The Year of Yes,' will unravel the monumental power of these decisions. From a spontaneous weekend getaway to learning an entire show in six days, the word 'yes' has nudged me into experiences that shaped my life in unexpected ways. However, it's not just about embracing every opportunity; taking the leap also means stepping out of your comfort zones and exposing your vulnerabilities, ultimately leading to self-discovery and growth.

But it's not all about saying 'yes.' The power of a firm 'no,' my friends, can be equally transformative. Confused? Let me clarify. A 'no' can often act as a tool to protect our boundaries and maintain focus on our long-term goals. It's about understanding the value of our boundaries and letting 'no' open the doors to new opportunities, self-awareness, and well-being. In parting, remember, whether it's a 'yes' or a 'no,' what matters most is to stay true to oneself, be kind, keep sipping, and embrace life's endless possibilities. Join me, as we explore this, and more, over a cup of tea. Let's get started!

Transcript

TJ: 0:15

Hey friends, it's TJ. And you're listening to Tea with TJ, where our love for tea, conversation and self-improvement intersect, so let's take a deeper dive into my cup and let's have a chat. Hey friends, it's TJ. So today I am having this tea. It's called Yellow Tea.

TJ: 0:40

I had it a few years back from this company called Tivana, which they are no longer in business now, but it's really. It's so delicious it I'm trying to describe the flavor profile it's a little nutty, but it's it's kind of similar to like an Oolong tea where it has that lightness on it, but it's so delicious. It's also really hard to find. I bought a lot of it when Tivana was going out of business, so I'm currently working through my last little bit of it. But I wanted to revisit something from a previous episode. Well, we talked about the power of our yes, because it it made me go back to this book that I read a few years ago, called the Year of yes, by Shonda Rhimes, and I remember, when I read that book the first time, how informative it was and how I had never really perceived my life that way and how I had never really understood the power of my yeses and how important that is to understand, as you're walking through this life and I think, generally speaking, you know we we have this idea of how saying yes to new opportunities can lead to you know bigger and greater things in life, right? But I think it's more than just saying yes to something, or like accepting an invitation to something or saying yes to an opportunity or a job to me, at least, it it really opens yourself up to the possibilities that life has to offer. That's what I took away from her book because she talks about it. If you've never read it, it's a really easy read.

TJ: 2:33

But in her book she talks about how she went through this challenge one year while she was, you know, working on all her shows on like Scandal and Grasinatomy and how to Get Away with Murder. She was working on all of these things and anytime someone asked her to like speak or do an interview or, you know, go out, the answer was always no. And so she challenged herself in that year to learn to say yes to things, no matter what it was, no matter how scary it was, how uncomfortable it was just to say yes, to see what would happen. And that's what she did for herself. And I found it really, really interesting because I think up until that point in my life, you know, I said yes to things because I'm such a go with the flow type of person. You know, most people who know me know that I don't usually make decisions. I'm very much like oh, you know where you want to go to eat, you can choose, I can eat anywhere, I can find something I can make do with anything, no matter where I am. It's just how I grew up and how I learned to operate in the world. But in reading her book and especially going back to it the second time, it really just it, it, it, it, it. It really informed me how powerful your yes can be and how you can kind of like hack your life in a way by just being open and receptive to things right and not closing yourself off by saying no to things. But then it also kind of taught me the power of my nose too, which is we'll we'll get to that at the end of the episode.

TJ: 4:15

But I recall a moment where I started implementing this in my life after the first time I read the book and it was like a weekend getaway with some friends in New York, and I remember prior to. Then you know my, my line was well, I don't have any money. You know I'm an actor, right, I don't have the funds to just pick up and go, or I can't take off work because you know I need the money. And I'm trying to remember where we went. I think it was like the Poconos. It was like it was somewhere close, like it wasn't that far. But I remember whatever was happening in that moment that I was like you know what I could use a break? Sure, fine, yes. And when I tell you it, it was an amazing experience. I I'm close to that group of friends now. It allowed me to get out of my head a little bit of like the stuff that I was dealing with at that time in. Some great relationships were forged in that time period because it wasn't just it wasn't just my friends, it was like my friends and friends of friends. So I was introduced to a whole new group of people that I wouldn't have if I had said no.

TJ: 5:39

I remember hesitating and thinking to myself like, ok, we're going to go to the woods. No cell service, nothing to do. You know, like, don't get me wrong, I love nature. But I love nature when I make control of the situation. So giving up, you know, the planning and the and the activities and all that up to someone else to put in all that detail and plan for us so that we were just showing up to have fun. It was a little frightening for me but I I remember getting there and I remember getting out of the car and seeing the trees and being like, oh, this is kind of beautiful, like there's like a little lake over there. You know, the air is crisp. It was a nice feeling to like start the weekend, weekend off.

TJ: 6:34

And you know, fast forward, we come back and I remember all through that week carrying that trip with me and thinking I was like, wow, I might have said no to this. I can't believe. I can't believe that I considered saying no to this and like it was probably the best 48 hours at that time in my life and I didn't know that my body needed it. And that experience just showed me the level of vulnerability that is required for you to say yes to something and how oftentimes that means stepping out of your comfort zone and things you know can be scary. But it's those moments of vulnerability to that, in my opinion, I feel like we discover our strengths, you know, we discover that we're much stronger than we think we are, that we're more receptive than we think we are, and that we can actually handle a lot more than we think we can.

TJ: 7:36

And, truthfully, it has me thinking about and we covered this in a previous episode but it has me thinking about another job opportunity that I said yes to more recently in the past like three or four years where I teetered between taking it and not taking it, because at the time I was like you know well, this is a great opportunity. It will allow me to achieve certain things on my checklist and put me in a position to be stronger when I come back from this job. However, it will also take me out of the city and take me out of the mix to audition for certain things that I've been keeping my eye on. And I remember I remember getting settled at that new job and you know, starting the contract and about like three months into it, when I was just, you know, running the show every day how rewarding it was to look back and say I said yes to this and it has surpassed any expectation that I had going into it and it really has allowed me to breathe and take a break from the city that I didn't know that I needed until I got there. And that's what I mean by like sometimes the vulnerability of your yes can lead to the discovery of your strengths, like that saying yes to that contract and being away for that year.

TJ: 9:08

I learned so much about myself in that timeframe and I knew, I figured out, that my short-term memory is actually much better than I think it is, because we learned the show in things like 14 days it might have been less than that. Like I think we only had like three days of on-book rehearsal and we went into blind spots and we went into blocking the show and within the first week we knew the show and it was just up on its feet. And you know, granted, most theatrical endeavors have a similar timeline. If it's a brand new show, you usually get at least two weeks of on-book rehearsal before you get off-book. But I remember that experience and when I got to the end of that process of just being on stage, thinking to myself, wow, I learned a show in six days. That's the fastest that I've ever learned a show and it opened my mind and showed me that I actually do have strengths in certain avenues of my career like that, and I wouldn't have known that if I had not said yes to this project.

TJ: 10:26

It taught me the power of my nose and the vulnerability of my nose as well, in that you know, wherever your stance is, on your character or your performance level or the value of you as an individual, like how important it is to say no and to not feel like you've missed out because you've said no. For the first time for me. That experience specifically for the first time for me it taught me about boundaries and how important it is to have certain boundaries Because, to a certain degree, some people can take advantage of your yes right and and not necessarily have your best interest because you say yes to something, they're only concerned with what they can get out of the situation. Because you said yes and realizing that I'm allowed to say no to things really shifted my frame of thinking and opened up, I think, really more opportunities for myself to be able to really dig into this well of creativity and this well of self worth in really allow myself to say you know what, thank you for that, but that I don't think that project is the right fit for me and I think sometimes we we allow ourselves to say yes to things and be vulnerable and say yes to things that are actually meant for us, where it's meant to teach you in that moment the difference between your yes and your no.

TJ: 12:11

Coming out of that experience, it really opened up this idea and this knowledge of like it's OK for me to say no to something and no one's going to be mad, no one's going to be upset. I mean, obviously, if you do it in a respectful way, you know and you're not flying off the handle like, people will respect you more because you concisely said you know what. I don't think this is actually for me. Thank you so much for the opportunity, but I think there's someone else better for the job. But keep me in mind for future projects or something else, because then that'll potentially lead to you know a job that later on down the line is actually right for you and they will remember oh, this person, like, knew exactly what their brand was. They knew exactly, you know their position in the world or their position in this industry. To concisely say oh, that's not, that's not for me, but I know that they're right for these other three things.

TJ: 13:16

But the no really informed me on what ultimately matters for me, like as far as long term goals, and it allows me to focus on those types of things and how to actually excel in those areas, because I do believe that you know, sometimes when we say yes to something that isn't meant for us and we don't say no to it, it can be a hindrance to our growth. Now you have something in front of you that is not necessarily in line with your long term goals, but because you've said yes to it and because you're committed to seeing that certain thing through, you kind of put all of your other ideas and dreams on the back burner in order to get through this opportunity. In understanding the power of my nose as well, I feel very strongly that, like saying no is really saying yes to your own well-being and, with that being said, I will say that you know to truly empower your yes, to really give vulnerability and intention behind your yes. You might have to be uncomfortable.

TJ: 14:36

Sometimes, in those moments where things are uncertain, the yes becomes the compass. You know the yes becomes the directional force to get you back on track, like moving to a city where you know I didn't have family. I didn't have an immediate friend base. You know I was going into the unknown right, starting from scratch, leaving Chicago, moving to New York. You know I didn't know anyone. It was challenging, but it was a chance to reinvent myself, to rebrand myself, to discover all of these like new passions, new ideas, and you know it coincided with, you know, a certain level of like me coming into my adulthood at the time, but it really allowed me to discover new passions and discover hobbies, you know, things that were outside of this built in structure of like me trying to pursue theater.

TJ: 15:43

And so those those yeses that came after being here for so many years, it really kind of helped me embrace the unknown, because sometimes things you say yes to you're going in blind and that is that's. That is me being unfiltered and completely honest is that some things you say yes to there is no expectation, there is no real idea of. You know what this thing could be. And I think if you, if you allow yourself to be vulnerable and to say yes, to think to the unknown, everything that is meant to be an alignment will align because you allowed yourself to be present and say yes to those things. And I mean that, in the sense that when you, when you allow your, when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and to say yes to something that is scary or unknown, and you've done all of this homework of knowing who you are and you know building these dreams and doing all of these micro steps to make sure that you're on track, the yes will act like a guardrail to keep you in line with those ideas that you have.

TJ: 17:01

So I want to read a quote from the book for you, happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be.

TJ: 17:11

So I want you to take that with you today, friends, and remember that saying yes is not about accepting invitations. It's about embracing life's possibilities right and really understanding the empowerment of your yes and the beauty and the vulnerability of your yes, and remembering that no also has its own strength and it can teach you a lot with just being able to stand firm in your decision to say no to something and that sometimes, being comfortable in the uncomfortable it's what's going to actually propel you forward, because, truthfully, life throws so much at you and if you can get to a place and a level of vulnerability to say yes and or no to something, you'll be fine. You know that. Note I'll talk to you next week and that's our show. Friends, thanks for joining us on Tea with TJ. Please rate, review and subscribe, and you can find us on Instagram at tea with TJ podcast. And, as always, stay kind, keep sipping and remember we're here, so we might as well do it.