Have you ever felt the tug-of-war between who you are and who society expects you to be? Today, I had the pleasure of sipping tea with Chethan, a dazzling beacon of individuality from the bustling streets of New York. As an actor, drag queen, singer, and dancer, he peels back the curtain on his transformational journey, one that has seen him merge the masculine and feminine into a harmonious existence. Through his story, we unravel the threads of self-love and the sheer bravery it takes to defy the cookie-cutter norms, finding acceptance and growth in the most unexpected places.
This episode is a celebration of the colorful tapestry that is Chethan's life – from the cultural significance of his drag performances, adorned in the transformative elegance of a sari, to the practical wisdom he shares for budding drag artists seeking to carve out their own identity. Chethan's anecdotes provide a roadmap for embracing passion and self-representation, underscoring the importance of perseverance in the face of agency pigeonholing and the quest for true self-love. So, pull up a chair, and let's toast to the art of being unapologetically oneself, an inspiring journey that Chethan navigates with grace and flair.
Join us in conversation on socials:
Youtube
Instagram
Tik Tok
Twitter
Threads
Have you ever felt the tug-of-war between who you are and who society expects you to be? Today, I had the pleasure of sipping tea with Chethan, a dazzling beacon of individuality from the bustling streets of New York. As an actor, drag queen, singer, and dancer, he peels back the curtain on his transformational journey, one that has seen him merge the masculine and feminine into a harmonious existence. Through his story, we unravel the threads of self-love and the sheer bravery it takes to defy the cookie-cutter norms, finding acceptance and growth in the most unexpected places.
This episode is a celebration of the colorful tapestry that is Chethan's life – from the cultural significance of his drag performances, adorned in the transformative elegance of a sari, to the practical wisdom he shares for budding drag artists seeking to carve out their own identity. Chethan's anecdotes provide a roadmap for embracing passion and self-representation, underscoring the importance of perseverance in the face of agency pigeonholing and the quest for true self-love. So, pull up a chair, and let's toast to the art of being unapologetically oneself, an inspiring journey that Chethan navigates with grace and flair.
Join us in conversation on socials:
Youtube
Instagram
Tik Tok
Twitter
Threads
Hey friends, it's TJ, and you're listening to Tea with TJ, where our love for tea, conversation and self-improvement intersect. So let's take a deeper dive into my cup and let's have a chat. Hey friends, it's TJ. Welcome back to another episode of Tea with TJ, and today we're having some mystic mint tea, and I have a very special guest for you. Please introduce yourself.
Chethan :Hi everyone, I'm Chathan.
TJ:That's love it and give us a little, a little bit of background about yourself.
Chethan :I live here in New York City. I'm an actor, drag queen, singer, dancer, kind of gamut of all kinds of performing Love it, love it. I've been here almost 15 years. Did a list in LA. Came back because New York is New York or nowhere.
TJ:Yeah, same.
Chethan :She's my girl. Yeah, she's my girl.
TJ:So we met just for a little bit of background, for the folks watching and listening. We met while you were doing a show a immersive theater production, to say the least. And you were doing a show an immersive theater production, to say the least and you were sitting next to me and for I would say, like the first 20 minutes, I did not know that you were a part of the show. Oh my God, good yeah.
Chethan :So you were doing your job, okay great, because I wasn't sure, because you know, we were interacting and asking about, like the guy that was waiting for, and so I was like, okay, do they know, do they not know? But this is good, Good to know. Yeah, I mean it was.
TJ:It was really, really good. So, with all of that, we met after the show was over and I had a chance to like get to know you a little bit and introduce myself and asked you to come on the show. So I'm so excited.
Chethan :Me too.
TJ:My first podcast, yeah, so when I gave you the topic discussions, you chose owning your individuality, which is so amazing, and I love it because no one ever chooses that topic. Yeah, so I'm curious to know what like jumped out to you with that topic.
Chethan :I think that's jumped to me because that's kind of been my journey recently, I think the last couple of years, like starting 2021, kind of like coming out of the pandemic I just moved back to New York from LA early 2020, like two or three weeks before the lockdown started.
Chethan :So coming out of that being away from the city with family for seven, eight months, then coming to the city and everything was different I really had to like sit with myself and you know, I'm 37 now but 33, 34 then, and it was a big shift of like who am I and how do I want to be in this world? And like, for me, my drag in my real life was very separate. I made a very conscious effort to keep like the feminine away from the masculine type of thing just based on like the industry. And you know, until recently, like drag queens weren't as the thing that they are now because of drag race. Like my agent said, you know, you should really not do drag, all that kind of stuff. So I really kept it being separate. But things started to kind of shift and that was my like last two, two years, three years of like really coming into my own.
TJ:So with with that kind of being the catalyst for that mindset shift um what has been like the biggest lesson you've learned and being able to like own your individuality in that way, people are more accepting than they think okay, which is surprising.
Chethan :Yeah, like I was really worried about, you know, kind of mixing the masculine and feminine in my daily life. I always have a great into fashion, but really kind of pushing my fashion choices, like sometimes wearing a little black leather mini skirt with a tank top and boots, or kind of exploring that mixing of quote-unquote feminine fashion with my daily life. I thought it was going to be a lot more like hit with kind of negativity and it wasn't, and that kind of like made me come out of my shell even more in my like everyday life Gotcha.
Chethan :So so you would you say that you were prior to that like more reserved and kind of just like closed off a little bit, or yeah I was doing, I was presenting for other people, you know, like trying to be a masculine gay man because I thought that's what everyone else would want and what like dating would want. Kind of shied away from all that, you know. I was like, well, what am I doing? Why am I not being my authentic self? And then I did, and it was things just started opening, like a lot of stuff like just started happening and it's been like the best two, three years of my life, I have to say.
TJ:I love that. Yeah, I feel like I've and you have listened to the show as well and like I've had conversations with the guests, um, and even prior to having guests on the show, um, and I talk a lot about individuality and creativity and self-development and self-improvement, and I agree, it's like you have this almost kind of like switch that happens Like once you get past a certain age, for for me, it was 29 going into 30 where I finally felt I was like, oh, wait a minute, like I don't have to like put on for the world, like, yeah, I can be myself, I can be all different versions of myself, I don't have to stick to what the perception of me is. Yeah, um?
Chethan :are you just astrology at all?
TJ:a little bit. My friend, my best friend is more because, like 29, 30 is Saturn returning? Right, so like it usually does happen around 30.
Chethan :Yeah, yeah, mine was a little later, but yeah.
TJ:So with this idea of like coming into your own and really starting to, I'm going to name it as like loving yourself even more. Yeah to, I'm just. I'm going to name it as like loving yourself even more. Um, what, what has been kind of the the like routine or ritual or um baseline for you of like getting back to yourself and like not swaying being in this new space?
Chethan :Oh my God, Interesting. Um, I would this is going to sound weird, but it's the outside right. Like, starting from the outside sometimes helps me connect with the inner, so with me, what, what it was, was fashion and like my image that I could control on the outside. Then stuff started happening on the inside, happening on the inside. So, like I, I don't falter back to that kind of like energy that much anymore, because I think it's been two, three years of in this like, okay, in the beginning, maybe a little bit, because I wasn't good the intention that I was before from men in that way, although like the other attention was great, like people would stop me on the street for my clothes and like say, like you know, my fashion sense had shifted drastically. So in the beginning, maybe a little bit Like, especially when we're going out, maybe I'd throw on a t-shirt, a pair of jeans and not wear my crop top and you know, and a high-waisted pant with like a boot, you know. But now it's like I'm pretty.
TJ:I'm pretty in it. Do you ever feel as if you have to compromise that version of yourself at all, whether it be like family, friends, associates in work environments or any of that kind of stuff?
Chethan :So you know what? Not really anymore, but I did in the past. Like I remember years ago, especially when I had just been a year or two, maybe three years here. I was still in college and skinny jeans, right, skinny jeans like the painted on, and I would go home and I grew up in Indiana and my dad would ask me like maybe don't wear the skinny skinny jeans when I get home. But you know, that was back then. Now it's not so really I don't really. I work in hair during the day, so you know they don't really care, you can wear really whatever you want. My friends have been pretty good. They actually like, love my fashion. So I have to say it's been pretty okay.
TJ:Good, that's amazing. I know it's been positive.
Chethan :I'm like I don't know what happened.
TJ:Like really there was a big energy shift. Yeah, Do you find, speaking of friends, like do you find that you have surrounded yourself with like-minded people being in this new space for yourself?
Chethan :These are my friends of like 10, 12 years and if not more, and I've never really felt judgment from them. Okay, it's totally outside of their zone, they don't even flirt with these kind of things. I have, however, gotten some of my friends up their fashion a little bit, so that's maybe the rub off a little bit on my part, but they're very supportive, loving and honest. If I was doing anything wrong or altering or whatever, I think they would say something, but they see that I'm in my groove and in my path and I think that's all that really matters, that I'm happy, good.
TJ:Yeah, I agree there's definitely. I feel like again when you get to the other side of 30, I feel like for myself. That is when I really figured out who my real friends were and the people who, because I have four friends that I've been friends with since 2003.
TJ:They're like still in my life today and all of them are very like, unique and different and have different perspectives of me and based off of our individual connections. But the thing that I love about all of them is that they all recognize, even though there are many parts of me they all recognize like the core version of me which I feel like and I'm sure you can attest to this of like being an actor. It's like you know, you go out into the world and and there's a certain version of you that exists in certain spaces. But even in this idea of like owning your individuality, you can kind of like cover a little bit of self in those spaces, and I don't think it's intentional, I think it's a Protective.
Chethan :Yeah it's, I don't think it's intentional.
TJ:I think it's a protective. Yeah, it's protective. It's like you don't want. You don't want to put all of yourself out there all the time, because you need to be able to keep a piece of yourself to self um, and so I love that about my friends, that each of them knows exactly like your core version. Yeah, the heart of me yeah, um, so I love that, like your friends are.
Chethan :Yeah, I have a good, like mixed kind of group. Like I have my college friends that are like my, like literally my family now. Like my best friend from college, his kids are like my nieces and nephews, like they like in their family Christmas card, like that's how like close we have gotten to you, but freshman year, yeah, and then I have, like my eyes, a couple of my high school theater friends that I still have friends with, and then I have, like my New York City like mm-hmm, outside of college friends, mm-hmm. So there's like a good mix and I think everyone really knows who I am now at this point. No, and they're, they've been great.
TJ:Yeah, on the show we talk a lot about self development and self improvement. Do you think I Don't know what is development and self-improvement? Do you think I don't? What is your sign? Cancer, oh, yes, yes, you told me this. You told me this, so I feel like this question will probably be in line with your emotional side. Um, do you feel like you ever are, um splitting yourself, like? Do you feel like what I'm getting at is like emotionally, as emotional beings, and now saying out loud that you are a cancer?
TJ:I know that you can probably be very emotional sometimes. Uh, do you ever feel like you're missing something or you're off your path, or uh, wanting more out of life, or like you know, know, like this internal struggle that I know that I have as a Gemini, that like I'm always like, oh, I could be doing this better, or you know, all the time, all the time.
Chethan :I don't know if that's a cancer thing, or if it's an actor thing or like a creative thing.
Chethan :Right, like I constantly I'm thinking like, am I doing enough? Am I doing my best? Am I putting out enough to get what I want? And then I have to like step back and be like well, how much can you output without taking time to like input back onto yourself? Right, and I luckily have this amazing friend in LA who I kind of like soundboard. She's like my spiritual kind of really good friend. I met when I was working out there and she does a lot of stuff online and we talk a lot and she'll kind of like bring me back, mm-hmm.
Chethan :Sometimes I'll be like Tammy, I feel like there's chaos in my life, like following me everywhere, and then she's like, well, why do you think that? Mmm, why is chaos finding you? Yeah, yeah, do you think maybe it's you? I'm like like mind blow, like stuff like that, where then I have to think about it. And then so I've learned some things to make, to like kind of try to quiet that part, cause I get that a lot like from different projects that I've worked on and I've you know, I'm into like astrology and psychics and tarot cards and a lot of it is get out of my own way.
Chethan :So I I do become very heady in a lot of my creative processes or other things and one of the biggest things and I know this for myself is like I do need to step out of my own way and that's been kind of like the biggest learning thing is how to do that.
TJ:Yeah, I get that as as a creative, just continuing that train of thought. As a creative, what has been the biggest aha moment for you when it came to getting both your creative life and personal life in line together, like in alignment together?
Chethan :That's hard because, probably like the last year, I think, coming out of college and just being so, I'm like desperate, like you are desperate when you're 22 and you graduate conservatory or like you know whatever, as an, as a performing major, and you want to do anything and everything. And at that time I was like working on an EP that I was I was about to release and, um, I thought my, I was going to go more in the music direction, so then I stopped auditioning and, um, I kind of fell into like this weird cycle of just like doing anything and everything I could on top of working like a day job. And I think the last year, maybe a year or two, is finding the balance. We're coming back to the creative and having control over it. So like that was that's what like kind of drag gave me, where I was getting just like tired of auditioning and getting further along, maybe booking a job, but then something happening and falling through or like getting cut from this, the movie or whatever.
Chethan :Um, and then just the grueling audition process like rejection, rejection, rejection. Yeah, and drag kind of gave me the opportunity to creatively control my work and be able to work the way I wanted to, so it really had changed my life. I started doing my own brunches, my own shows, and I'm like this is more fulfilling to me than auditioning every day. And then through drag is how I got the show that I'm in now. I do play a drag queen in that show, and then that's now opened so many other things, so it all kind of worked out.
TJ:I love that, speaking of drag cause we not really talked about it just yet. What has been your favorite, like moment in drag or performance, or like creative endeavor?
Chethan :I think it's like living out my Bollywood childhood fantasy. Okay.
Chethan :Like when I started doing drag I got 12 years ago. I was doing a lot of like menswear and I was. I always did platinum blonde hair and I did like blazers and pants and I wasn't really kind of going in the Indian direction Cause, like at that time I didn't tell my parents either and Indian clothes are expensive anyways, whatever. But recently my mom has gotten really into it and she has like her Indian clothes from when she was like 15 to now, so it's like 50 years in this closet at my parents' house, jewelry saris Her closet is bigger than my apartment and I just like take clothes from her and it is. It's like I remember watching Bollywood movies and being like I want to be that actress, I want to like.
Chethan :I want to do that dance number and that outfit and now I get to do it and that's been like the most kind of rewarding childhood nostalgia, living fantasy thing about my, the drive that I do now I mean, that's amazing yeah, I love that you have like a full-on archive of clothing it's insane, it's insane yeah has?
TJ:has there, um, speaking of clothing, has there been like a specific piece of clothing, both in drag and from your personal wardrobe, that you feel like really encapsulates, like who you are as a person? A piece of clothing like an outfit or just like a single piece. I mean, let's talk, okay.
Chethan :Drag wise, I think maybe a sari, like one of my mom's saris, because like that's kind of been my world recently and it's different enough and it really is like who I am.
TJ:Like as much as.
Chethan :I wear like Western clothes, like I'm in that, like off the shoulder, but like if I put on a sari, like something happens, like something changes.
TJ:Magic.
Chethan :Magic. It's. Something takes over. Maybe it's the ancestors. Yeah, I love that and some of the like. I also like model in drag and like one of I want to call my photographer friend of mine. We won a competition to meet like in a sari or like a lingo. Yeah to me, like in a sari or like a lingo. Yeah, so like something beautiful happens when Indian clothes is put on Out of drag. I my style out of drag is so all over the place, but I don't know if I have one thing okay there is this like one like outfit I recently got from LA.
Chethan :It almost looks a little Indian because it's oversized, it's long and flowy and it's a teal color with orange tigers printed, so it has a little bit of the Asian kind of flair to it. Nice, nice, and it almost looks like a kurta, which is like an Indian male tunic, but long past your knees, okay.
TJ:Maybe that, oh nice, maybe that male um like a tunic but like long, like past your knees, okay, um maybe that maybe that.
Chethan :Let's say, I live for a good tunic as a tall person, because my shirts are short for me as a short person.
TJ:I the world is your oyster. It really, is it really?
Chethan :is, I don't have to worry about even drag clubs. Yeah Well, fit into women's quite easily.
TJ:If you, I mean I don't know who is listening or watching, but as my first guest who does drag, if anyone was interested in pursuing it, what advice would you give them?
Chethan :Oh, good question. Honestly, I started on Halloween, okay, I think a lot of drag queens, maybe back in the day, I don't know now because there was no drag race.
Chethan :When I started, instagram was like barely so there wasn't so much like see, we went to the bars and we saw the drag queens at like Posh or like. I remember like one of the first girls I ever saw was Bianca Del Rio in the back at Posh Wow, like doing insult comedy in the back, and it was like I remember the one time she like insulted me I was like yes, it's happened. That's kind of where I got like my visual. And then I had a girlfriend in high school who's an amazing makeup artist. Her name's Kelly. She put me in drag for the first time and and then would, if I needed, as I started getting a little more into it, she would help me and I would watch her doing makeup.
Chethan :I mean, now you have YouTube and you know Instagram, you can like yeah but I would say, figure out what you think is your persona and it can change. Like you can start in one persona and as you grow as a drag artist, like, like mine's completely different than when I first started. But yeah, the key, I think, is to figure out what your aesthetic is and what you want to say as a performer. Like, are you going to be a comic queen? Are you going to be a lip syncer? Are you going to be a lip syncer? Are you going to be all of it? Like, what direction do you want to go in? And start from there and then try to find a girl that you like, you like and you're inspired by and see if they'll take you on as a daughter.
TJ:Nice.
Chethan :And start there and then buy up all the wigs you can.
TJ:Has there. So you just spoke about how your persona can change. So you just spoke about how your persona can change. How different, would you say, your drag persona now is compared to the first version.
Chethan :I think it was a little chaotic then my drag was a little chaotic, it's like feeling it out Like I was doing it. I was working at nightlife hosting parties. The outfits were a little ratchet Okay, the wigs were a little ratty and dry Okay.
Chethan :It was a different time. The makeup maybe not have been blended so well, but she had a good time. She was a baby drag, I think more so like now I'm like more of a grounded queen, like when I first started. I was very all over the place, running around with no like direction. I just wanted to be in drag and wherever drag took me I'd go.
TJ:I think.
Chethan :Now it's more like I'm doing it and there's a path, I know why I'm doing it and I'm doing it for a specific reason, instead of just doing it. Yeah, with purpose, with purpose.
TJ:Yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I feel like there's's, there's. Life is so much better when you have purpose, like truly, you know, I feel like we've gone through, and I'm sure you've. You've had moments in your life like where you've just wandered aimlessly and, yeah, hope that something stuck, and trying to figure it out as you go, well as a poc queer person, that's a performer.
Chethan :I think a lot of us in that category. I spent years in that when am I, what am I doing? Wandering, where is the light at the end of the tunnel, kind of thing. It's there, it's there, and it sometimes takes some people longer, like I mean, I'm 37 and it's just.
TJ:The light is just starting to show, I will say that you don't look like you're 37. Oh, thank you, thank you.
Chethan :My mom is an esthetician so I like had skin care, like take care of your skin my entire life. Like and swear you're SPF guys.
TJ:Yes, yes, yeah, as a bald person, yes, spf is your best friend. So I mean, I feel like you're just dropping gems and I have to keep up. Yeah, what would you like? Would you say the drag was the light at the end of the tunnel for you? Or like, did something else kind of align first and then push you out there?
Chethan :It's, yeah, like I mean it started different. It started a completely different space than it than it ended up being like. I started doing it because I was like this is fun, I like to wear girls clothes and wear heels, put on makeup, host parties. Because I was in my 20s, um, and then in la, when I stopped because I had some of my management and agents that told me to stop doing drag, um, if I want to be taken seriously as an actor. So I stopped and I did it very rarely and what I noticed was I was getting parts more when I was in drag.
Chethan :So then I had to take a step back and I'm like, well, I really shouldn't listen to my agent manager and I should just follow my heart. And where are the results coming? And then really kind of like, okay, this is, this is where I fit in in. This world is in drag. And once I accepted that and like you know, I think, more things started to happen that's.
TJ:That's interesting, because I I'm on board with you of like it's great to have representation right, because sometimes they can get you into rooms that you can't necessarily get yourself into. However, I feel like a lot of agencies and managers are looking at their roster as I'm trying not to be disrespectful but I say go for a call a lot of like a lot of people look at their roster as just what they physically can see and not necessarily the human, and that has been my and Ashley, who was in the show with you we talk about this all the time where, like, there are parts that exist that we are right for that they will, for whatever reason, not submit us for. And so a lot of times for me specifically, I submit myself for things that I that I'm like, I know exactly who this person is, who this character is, like. I'm right for this part, and most of those instances are the jobs that I've booked. Yeah, because you know yourself, right, yeah?
Chethan :and it is true like it is great to have representation because, like you said a lot of times, you can't get into space that you want without them. But they have like what 30, 40 people that they're dealing with on top of you know yourself and how well can they. If you get a good agent, they know you pretty well. But you know when you're first starting out like there's so many people that they take care of. They take care of. So if they don't know you, if you're not one of the first or whatever, then they just are going to look at what you look like and not know kind of like what other avenues to put you through has there um with your manager?
TJ:was there like a a turning point after that that drag conversation of like them not wanting you to submit like or do drag anymore?
Chethan :It was.
Chethan :It happened to be happening as I was moving from New York to LA and because he didn't have an office in LA, the relationship was already going to end.
Chethan :So it kind of was like a like a goodbye, no drama really, cause he had said that and then literally like a couple months later I, he had said that and then literally like a couple months later, I was like you know what, I'm actually going to move to LA, so it kind of like that I didn't have to like battle him about it and it kind of all just like fizzled kind of nicely. And then I did have an agent in LA that was like and I was one of the first people that he signed because he, like he started his own agency, and he was one of the first um people that he signed because he, like he started his own um agency and it he was great. Like I talked about drag and like he kind of knew me a little bit more personally and that that was a pretty good relationship and unfortunately, like he didn't have a new office so when I moved back here I couldn't stay with him, gotcha.
TJ:Yeah, that sucks. I wish more people could be bi-coastal, because there's like I've been trying to break into the voiceover space, but so much of that work exists in la and it's very like small, small, small parts here in new york city. Um, even with being remote, it's like they still want you physically. Yeah, that's crazy, yeah, it's very weird, but because, like, especially voiceover, you're like why do you literally can do you can do it anywhere.
Chethan :Yeah like, you have a setup right here. Yeah like why, do you need to go into the studio?
TJ:it's very weird thank you for doing this. Oh my god, this has been amazing. Yes, um, I would love to have you back if you're down for it anytime I love it. I love this uh, so three questions, yeah. First one where do you find the most love?
Chethan :Oh my God, you know, I want to say myself that's fair.
Chethan :If that's like. I don't want to sound so cliche, but I've worked pretty hard on myself the last couple of years and I have to say like I don't have a partner, I'm single, so it's been a lot of myself. And then I luckily have these amazing nieces and nephews that I see at least a couple of times a month and they are so much joy and I just like look at them and I'm so in love and like if I need to look at a little recharge, I go up there and then like they scream and run and give you a hug and like they're so excited to see you and that just like kind of reminds you that you are loved in all spaces, that you know that you're good in and so yeah, that's where.
TJ:What inspires you the most?
Chethan :What inspires me the most, I think this kind of weird need to want to shift the perspective on queer Indian entertainers. You know, like there's so many Indian people in this world and there's like even less representation of us, especially here, and that kind of fuels me. That kind of fuels me, that kind of inspires me. It's like I want to F up the fucking baseline on this. Like why aren't we everywhere Like? Why aren't we in fashion? Why aren't we like you know, like more of this, like more queer Indian drag, more queer Indian spaces and like performances and all that Like? So that in the back of my mind is like I'm trying to create those things.
TJ:Yeah, yeah, we need way more representation in this world. I'm like this world is so much more diverse than we like to pretend that it isn't. Um, and then final question where would you be if you were not in New York City?
Chethan :so I tried LA for five years and I, you know, I went because, like, where else would you go as a performer? Mm-hmm. And plus like sunshine and gorgeous weather, but something in me like, if I wasn't here, london, I've never been, mmm, but I don't know why, all over, like years, and like London, london be a good spot, like I don't know why, for like years, and like London, london be a good spot, like I don't know, something is very enticing about London. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you for having me. This was fun.
TJ:This has been so much fun. I would love to have you back Whenever, and I hope you have. I mean, new York is a little rainy today. Yeah, hopefully today goes well.
Chethan :I know.
TJ:Thank you for squeezing me in on your busy day. Thanks so much for listening. Friends. That is our show and I will see you next week and that's our show. Friends, Thanks for joining us on Tea with TJ. Please rate, review and subscribe, and you can find us on Instagram at Tea with TJ podcast. And, as always, stay kind, keep sipping and remember we're here, so we might as well do it.