Tea With TJ
Welcome to Tea with TJ! A Podcast on self-discovery where our love for tea, conversation, a deeper understanding of life, and self-improvement intersect. Life is messy and sometimes you just need a cup of tea!
Tea With TJ
Embracing Wisdom and Joy: Q Smith on Lessons Before 40, Motherhood, and Artistic Fulfillment
How much of our lives would change if we truly listened to our parents and embraced their wisdom earlier? Join me for an enlightening conversation with my dear friend Q Smith, a multifaceted actress, voiceover artist, and educator thriving in New York City. From our serendipitous meeting at a musical's stage door in Chicago to the cherished memory of the introduction to sticky rice, we explore how small acts of kindness leave lasting impressions. Q opens up about the lessons she wishes she had learned before turning 40, including the importance of taking education seriously and facing fears head-on. These reflections resonate deeply as she now navigates the complexities of raising a child in the vibrant, and sometimes chaotic NYC.
In Our conversation Q shares the impact of her grandmother's wisdom on leading with love and joy. We discuss how avoiding unnecessary conflicts and focusing on the bigger picture helps us let go of what’s beyond our control, illustrated through Q's own experiences in the theater world. From a missed job to an unexpected fulfilling role, her journey highlights the significance of patience and acceptance. We round off this heartfelt episode by delving into how motherhood has transformed Q’s career and personal life, showcasing how her family now guides her decisions and enriches her artistry. This episode is brimming with wisdom, humor, and genuine inspiration that you won't want to miss.
You can find Q on:
IG: @qperstar
Website: www.qdotsmith.com
Coaching: www.yourstageyourmoment.com
Vlog: @stallingsontherise
Join us in conversation on socials:
Youtube
Instagram
Tik Tok
Twitter
Threads
Hey friends, it's TJ, and you're listening to Tea with TJ, where our love for tea, conversation and self-improvement intersect. So let's take a deeper dive into my cup and let's have a chat. Hey friends, it's TJ. Welcome back to another episode of Tea with TJ, and today I have a very special guest, a dear friend of mine. We've known each other for quite some time, q Smith, so Q, if you could just introduce yourself really quick.
Q Smith:Hey, tj, good to see you. Yes, I was calculating in my head we met in 2009.
TJ:So what is that?
Q Smith:13 years or something my math is not good A long, but yes, I'm q smith. I live in new york city and I am from omaha, nebraska, originally love it, love it um and do you want? Yes, I am a go-go dancer and I am an actress and voiceover artist and educator and a lover of life.
TJ:So let's just give a little bit of background on how we met For our folks listening. So while I was in college in Chicago, we met while you were doing Mary Poppins the musical the first national tour, if I'm thinking that correctly and you played Mrs Corey. Yes, right, yes, and you played Mrs Corey. Yes, beautiful performance, by the way, if you've never seen the show, that role in the show is amazing and it's a fun show to watch In general. But I remember and I'm curious to see your Accounting of this moment.
TJ:In your life because it's a different perspective than mine. But when we met we were at the stage door of chicago the musical right yeah, and we kind of just bumped into each other and I feel like there was an energy exchange that kind of happened, where it felt as if we knew each other yes even though we had never met before. I'm curious to know from you in that experience because I don't think we've ever talked about this Like did you feel that, that like? Kind of energy exchange.
Q Smith:Absolutely, and I don't feel that from everybody. And it's like these two young black men waiting at the stage door of musical, of a musical. I'm so curious what their story is and we just kind of like who are you waiting for? Who are you waiting for, kind of thing. And I just love that y'all are young and black and excited about theater and you're just so easy to talk to and just excited. You're just excited about you know, your future. And I was like when people are excited, I get excited over the smallest things too, by the way. Like if you ever need a cheerleader for anything, if you want to shake your booty off the corner, I'll be like I will be your biggest cheerleader. I love supporting people that are excited about life and y'all were. Y'all were excited. So, yeah, we exchanged information and went out to dinner. Y'all had me over for dinner at your apartment by the beach and that was so kind. Anybody that opens their home to me and offers a meal, like I feel like meals can be very sacred.
Q Smith:Meals can really show a person who they are typically except because I want most of the time, because I want to get to know the people and the person and to sort of see what's behind you know, see what's I don't know, just to see who they are. And y'all invited me to your home and it was spaghetti, I remember.
TJ:Yeah.
Q Smith:She's very thoughtful.
TJ:Also.
Q Smith:Yeah.
TJ:I don't know if you remember this, but you introduced me to Thai food and sticky rice. I had never had sticky rice that place changed my life.
TJ:Yeah right, you will never not eat Thai food, ever again yeah, exactly so I want to just jump in because I know we are very specific with our time today, but you picked the topic of discussion today, which is things I wish I knew before turning 40, which I find very interesting, because no one ever picks that topic. No one ever seems to want to talk about lessons they've learned or, um, a specific bracket of time in their life, um.
Q Smith:So I'm curious to know what spoke to you when it came to picking that subject I because I work with a lot of young people, that's a big question of theirs is like what would you, what would you have? Told your younger self, and every time I answer it it's different and I'm like I should just write a book on, like, all the things I I would have done differently. But then, at the same time, I tell myself, if I did things differently, I probably wouldn't be here. So, um, that's true, there's advice I would have taken more, and one of them would be listen to your parents more. Now that I'm a parent I became a parent at age 43, and my son is four and I go, I remember calling my mom when he was a baby, baby, and I was like how did you do it? How did you do it? Like we're three kids and you know our pain, you know the makeup of the family is so different to each person and I'm like we only have one here in new york city. How did you do it with three of us, you know, and um, so that would be one suggestion. The other one would be take education more serious.
Q Smith:I was not a grade, I wasn't an A student. I was more like B plus, b minus student. I had the potential to be an A plus student, but I didn't always apply myself and so I feel like I'm still catching up. I'm a student of life, I love learning. I'm thinking catching up. I'm a student of life, like I love learning. I'm thinking about going back to school, actually, but, um, I would take my education a bit more serious.
Q Smith:Um, I would um have done more things that scared me earlier on. They say do something every day that scares you, and I'm afraid of heights. There's a couple of things you know I'm afraid of and I think, and once I sort of faced those fears, just sort of my whole life just sort of opened up. I see why people say face your fears. One of my professors at college said you know, what are you going to do after graduation? I was, I was like I don't know, maybe do a tour or this or that. And she's like, and I don't know what else. She's like go do something that scares you, go for it. It's like okay. So me and my friend went like bungee jumping or whatever the six flags where you pull the thing yourself and you just it, just lets you.
Q Smith:I don't know if it's called bungee jumping, but whoo sued the superman or something like that, and I would have done more things that scared me earlier on. I mean, I was fearless as a young person, but I can't imagine what I would have been if I would have kept pushing myself.
TJ:Yeah.
Q Smith:So those are three things that oh, and probably listen to, exactly listen to your parents more my dad was really. He grew up really, really, really, really poor and he had all these financial books, you know, and all these things, and he'd be like you know, come and sit down, let's learn about the stock today. Come on, sit down, let's learn about you know what's a 401k? Come on, not be like that. No, I'm not. No, no, no, I should have.
TJ:I should have no, I get that. I um, I echoed that idea that I wish that I could have been in a position when I was younger to actually listen to some of those people in my life that said you should have this to set yourself up for 20, 40, 50 years down the line, and I feel like that is one of those, especially as a black person in this country it is one of those lessons.
TJ:That falls semi on deaf ears at that age, especially in your teens and early 20s, because you're so hungry for life and wanting to pursue your dreams. And at least from an artist's perspective I can't speak for you know, quote, unquote, normal people, but I feel like taking myself back to when we met, which was like my early 20s. You know, I was not thinking about retirement, I wasn't thinking about you know. Should I not thinking about retirement? I wasn't thinking about you know. Should I put a little money to the side or have something, even in the idea of moving to New York? I moved to New York with a few hundred dollars, in a dream.
TJ:It was you know, not necessarily realistic, but, like I, looking back on it now, I'm like I wish I could have actually set myself up to be more successful in that moment. Um, thank god that you know things worked out, but I could have prepared myself a little bit better. Um, and I think that is just in thinking of this idea of things that we wish we knew. I think that is the actual phrase of like wanting to be more prepared than we actually are, giving ourselves more space to be prepared. What would you say in being on the other side of 40, why do you think 40 is kind of like the time frame that you're looking at Outside of it being the space that you're inhabiting right now? But what is kind of like the time frame that you're looking at outside of it being the space that you're inhabiting right now? But what is kind of special for you right now in your 40s?
Q Smith:that's a great question. You're good at this man, you should do this, thank you, you should do this. Um, I chose 40s because it has been my favorite decade so far. It has been my absolute favorite decade. When I was coming out of my 30s, I was sweating. I was like, oh lord, I do not. Oh lord, once I hit 40s over, you know, and it's inevitable, maybe you know, god willing and you know, got me to my 40s and um, I have, I've loved every minute of it. My dreams have come true. A lot of my dreams have come true my 40s and um, I have, I've loved every minute of it. My dreams have come true. A lot of my dreams have come true in my 40s and um, I just felt like I finally woke up. In my 20s I had no clue. I was touring, traveling the world, honey, living my life. Wow, just like my 30s, I was like, okay, I'm tired, let me just grow up a little bit, let me just sort of sit down, get, get a little more um, focused I was like I'm.
Q Smith:I'm grown. Now, my 30s, I'm kind of grown. I got my own place, I'm living in New York City, I'm supporting myself. I'm grown, but I was still. I didn't know it at the time, but I was still like clueless to so many things. And 40s hit and it just everything sort of clicked. And not that I'm saying I'm wise by any means or I'm like have it all together, but I, I was. The thing is I'm okay with what I don't know now you know, I mean 30s.
Q Smith:I was like, yes, I know that, yes, yes, uh, and be frustrated with the things that I didn't know. And I was just frustrated like oh but now I'm so settled in who I am, I'm so settled in the things that I don't know, I'm settled and happy about the things that I, the little that I do know, and I'm able to share and give back, um, and so, yeah, that's why I chose 40s, because it's been, it's been a great, a great ride yeah, I want to acknowledge a moment.
TJ:Um, you just said something that hit, that spoke to me specifically, because I don't want to speak for everybody, but you just said that you are okay with being you're. You're okay not knowing the things that you don't know, which I think is such a powerful statement to say, especially at the age of 40, because that that speaks to the type of human that you are. That speaks to the type of person that you are, the journey that you're on, um that you are. You mentioned earlier of like being a student of life, but you're so receptive to life and I feel like that is that is a very special place to be, that, at least for my generation, I feel like not a lot of us inhabit that space. Um, do you find yourself to be that kind of person that is um very specific in how you view life and how you view the world and how you view your journey?
Q Smith:I don't think I'm specific, I think I'm the person that, um my grandmother I mean, all she would say is love, people, love love people and she was a very hardcore church christian, like woman.
Q Smith:You know you would think that if you know my gay friends would come over to her house or something. She'd be like, sit down, let me talk to you about the bible. You know she was so, not that she'd be like, come on in what y'all want to eat, peter, fix them some food, because she didn't cook and she would leave the door open. She lived. My grandmother lived in the hood. When I tell you the hood, I'm from Nebraska. People don't think that black people live in Omaha in Nebraska, but we do. She lived in the hood and she never locked the doors. We would wake up in the morning like I didn't live with her. But you know, be there spending the night, the grandkids and stuff. And we wake up and there's somebody drunk on the couch who just opened her door and slept on the couch last night. She'd be like there's little joey, he's got drunk, right, wake up, let's eat. You know it's just like people from the streets just come on in. They know they could find refuge in her home and she lived her life like that, loved people. And so I just kind of try to do that too love people.
Q Smith:I'm not perfect or anything like that, but, like I said, I want to be people's cheerleaders Because I feel like when they're living their best life, they're inspiring me to live my best life too. So I look for the joy, I look for the sunshine, I look for I don't know if that's, if that's what you would call specific, but I always look for the joy, always, and I just sort of lead, lead with love, lead with joy. That's really it. I mean politics and religion and I don't know all those, all these, the war and so much war. There's so many things that people can discuss until they die and bad argue until they die. You know, and I just I let people believe what they want to believe. Live the way life, live your best life. And yeah, if you want to talk about something specific, yeah, we can, but I don't want to argue with you, I don't want to just live your life, I guess I get that and definitely, um, I agree with that wholeheartedly.
TJ:It is that is a position that I think I have been in realistically my entire life, because I've always um, not necessarily played neutral ground when it comes to confrontation or disagreements, but I have always seemed to fall on the side of like. Whatever the problem is, it can be talked through, right, this idea that disagreement has to end in, or even start with arguments and very high energy, and all of this excess, um, emotion, um, from my earliest memories, like as a child, like I don't think I've ever voluntarily argued with anybody like if it, if there was a disagreement that I had with someone, it was a conversation um.
TJ:So I've, I've, I see that in you and I wanted to acknowledge that.
Q Smith:What do you think has been your biggest lesson you've learned thus far? To let go on both ends. Let go. Once you walk out the door of that audition, you just have to let it go. You know, when I'm having a disagreement with my husband, I'm like let's take a deep breath and just let it go. And we both have to do that and let it go.
Q Smith:Because, at the end of the day, it's mostly not. It's not even about you. It's not even about you. It's not even about you. They didn't cast you because the producer promised his college friend, once he gets a, the director promises from college, if he ever gets a directing gig, you're going to be the person I cast. They have to hold auditions because it's part of you have to be with this. Because it's part of this you have to witness.
Q Smith:I have lived enough to be like it's really not about if you don't, especially if you don't book it. It's like it's so out of your head so just let it go. And also because there are things when I was younger that I really thought I was going to get and I was holding on to it. I'm like I need it, I need this job, I'm blah, blah, blah and I was like crying in a ball, like how am I going to pay my rent? And that's the position I was in sort of with after I closed Mary Poppins on Broadway. I was unemployed for a while and I moved apartments and I needed to pay this rent. I needed to have enough money to move out of my old apartment, move into my new apartment with you know all the. I needed thousands of dollars and I've been on for months, you know. It's like okay, well, I don't have it.
Q Smith:And so this audition came up and I was like I was for sure. I was like, okay, these people know me, is it Disney? I got this, I had this perfect time and I walked in there. I was very confident and they were like, thank you. And that made me call me back two more times. And I didn't get it. And I was like I didn't get it. I was like full of myself. I was like I didn't get it and I was like I didn't get. I was like full of myself. I was like I didn't get it. Are you kidding me? And I was a mess. I was like how am I gonna do that? How am I gonna do this? And I cried.
Q Smith:I got a call from my agent. You know, this is where I'm just shortening the story, so it's a little longer story, but there's a show coming out. They're you know they're looking for one more actor. It's about 9-11. I don't know if you're interested and I was like I don't want to do a musical about 9-11. I was here for 9-11. It was terrible. I don't, I'm not interested.
Q Smith:And I said next of them next day, they really want to see you just put something on tape. Just it's like can I see the script? And they're like it's not done yet, it's not finished or whatever it is. And I was like I got the sides and it was so weird. I was like all these characters, it's like this is so weird.
Q Smith:And I said who's doing this show? And they said la jolla playhouse. And la jolla is a place that I've always wanted to perform like, always wanted to have an opportunity to perform, because most of their shows go to Broadway, they house new shows, original shows, and I was like La Jolla, okay, I'll audition. That's the only reason why I'll really audition, because I was like with La Jolla, I didn't know the meat of the show. I didn't know much about the show at all until the first day of the show. So I got cast in it and if I would have booked that other show I would have been in a contract that I probably couldn't have gotten out of. Looking back, I have to say I told myself I should have just let it go. I was like my stomach was in a knot. Just let it go, because God had something in store for me that I had no idea. So after that I was like I'm done, it's out of my hands. It's out of my hands.
TJ:Yeah, that is. I don't think I ever knew that.
Q Smith:No.
TJ:And for those that don't know, the name of the show is Come From Away. And for those that don't know, the name of the show has come from away Honestly, one of my favorite shows, I think after moving to New York. It changed everything in how I view musical theater and how I viewed my career after being here, and I want to acknowledge in this moment with you, in this medium thank you for saying yes to that um.
TJ:Thank you for being a part of that because that show, I think, spoke to so many people and helped shaped so many young um performers out there because, of your contribution to that, to that show, so thank you with you being on the other side of 40 now and also being a mother, how has that influenced, like, your life, your goals, your aspirations?
TJ:because I'm always curious, because, based off of how we met and our interactions throughout the time of, like, being in New York and you being on tour, um, I've always known you to be this, um, creative, that is focused and that is going after what you want, and that maybe it's just been my perspective of being on the sidelines, but I've always known you to be like I feel like every time I would text you, you'd be like, oh, I'm on tour, I'm going to Japan for six months. Or oh, yeah, I'll be in New York for like a month doing this and then I'll be gone again, which I loved, like you gave me so much inspiration because I remember those moments and be like, wow, I want to be like you, like I'm trying to, I'm trying to be out there. Um, so now that like with with that in mind or at least my perspective of you, you know, at that moment in time and now being a mother, how has that kind of shifted things for you?
Q Smith:that's a great question. Um, you know there's this. Let's see, nothing else matters except my family. Nothing else matters.
Q Smith:When it was just me, like I would take this job. It was was paying $2, I would take that job. I would just do work because I liked working and I liked meeting people and even if I couldn't pay my rent for two months, I was like I want to do this show, so I would just do the show and just pay my rent, $100 a week. If I could, you know, and I would just do. It was just me, you know, soloing life and with my son, like I have turned down a number of auditions and a few offers. Um, because nothing matters. Nothing more matters than my son. And so I, if I, if I get an audition, I put my son in the forefront of my mind. I'm like is this serving him? Will he be proud of his bottom? Will I bring enough money in for my family? If I take this, is this selfish? He's always at the front of my mind and there are things I would have said yes to if I were solo in a heartbeat and those same things, you know, they come up today.
Q Smith:I sometimes I would have to say no, um, because he matters so much to me and I want him to be proud of me and I want my husband to be proud of me and I want young black and brown little girls to look at me and be like, yeah, she, she did that, she's, I want to do that too. Um, so nothing. If I don't book, if I don't book that gig, if I don't, um, hit that note like I wanted to in a, in a performance or a show, if I get a lot, if I forget a line, it doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter. When I used to back in the day like, oh, I just beat myself up, oh my gosh, I didn't do that right, I didn't obsess over it and I'm like I ain't got time for it. I got to go home and put this boy to bed. You know I need to go to the playground today. I'm so tired, tired. I need to study these lines.
Q Smith:For this last minute audition they gave me five scenes. I got two songs to learn. My son wants to go play, so I'm gonna show up to that audition with my sides in my hand and do my best, and if it's for me, it's for me, if it is not, it does it doesn't matter. And so he has helped me really put things in focus and my world is open. I feel like I'm even a better performer because of him, artist because of him. I'm better human because of my son.
TJ:I love that. I can only imagine the magnitude of what life is when you cross that threshold of having a child. I have been told that I have very much dad energy and I believe that to a certain degree, but I can only imagine the shift that happens once that actually happens and I am, I will say, that, to have been witness to again from the sidelines, to have been witness to the birth of this child and this child coming into the world and you becoming a mother has been beautiful. You have such a beautiful family and we're going to plug because I also know that you have a YouTube channel now oh yeah, yes, stallings, and we're going to plug, because I also know that you have a YouTube channel now.
Q Smith:Oh yeah, yes, stallings on the rise, stallings on the rise, and he is full out. My son is full out, so is my husband Full out. Five, six, seven, eight Go and they crack me up. But yes, we have a website and we. You know I was pregnant with Caleb in my income for six months. His first six months he listened to Welcome to the Rock eight times. And I was like I wonder, when he comes out out, if I play the song he would react to it, you know he didn't.
Q Smith:He was like but yeah, that was cool. I was like I was hoping he would. But yeah, I was the first time I felt him move in my tummy was during the song make me a channel of your peace. All the different faiths in the same room respecting one another, and I started singing make me a channel of your peace and he went. I was like it was a trip.
TJ:It was a trip. Oh my god that trip oh my God, that's beautiful, that is amazing. I never knew that.
Q Smith:That was the hardest thing I've done Do eight shows a week.
TJ:So before we go, we have three questions for you. It's a little thing that we do on Tea with TJ and before we shift into that, would you like to share your social media channels where people can find you?
Q Smith:Yeah, shift into that. Would you like to share your social media channels where people can find you? Yeah, if you're looking for coaching or a um, if you have a group looking for a master class or workshop, we have our own coaching business me and my husband. It's called your stage, your moment. Click the little video in it and watch what we offer. Um, my website is QSmithcom, that's Q-D-O-T-S-M-I-T-Hcom, and my Instagram is Qperstar Q-P-E-R-S-T-A-R.
TJ:So three questions, yes, and then I'll let you go. What brings you the most peace? Water, mm-hmm, love that.
Q Smith:Love that Because is it just one word? Answers.
TJ:However, you want to answer sometimes, yeah because god is.
Q Smith:I feel like god is in nature. God is everywhere and I feel so close to god when I'm by a body of water or in nature. It's just so much peace I love that.
TJ:Where do you find the most joy? My son where does your heart thrive?
Q Smith:people hands down. If I had a dollar for every person that I met or talked to, I just found them fascinating. I would be a millionaire. I love people. I love people, I love supporting people and I love. I just love people, I do.
TJ:I love that. That's perfect. Yeah, that's good and with that I'll see you next week, friends. I love that. That's perfect. Yeah, that's good. And with that I'll see you next week, friends. And that's our show. Friends, thanks for joining us on Tea with TJ. Please rate, review and subscribe, and you can find us on Instagram at Tea with TJ Podcast. And, as always, stay kind, keep sipping and remember we're here, so we might as well do it.
