Creative Burnout, Career Shifts, and Finding Purpose Again

A dream can be so familiar that you stop asking whether it’s actually yours. I sit down with my friend Hillary Dominguez to talk about what happens when motivation fades in a creative career and how one unexpected moment can completely reroute your path.

Hillary shares her story of growing up as a child actor in Seattle, chasing musical theater, and carrying that quiet pressure that you’re always one year away from the “big break.”  and the surprising way a mentor offered a safer step forward: assistant directing. That behind-the-scenes doorway turned into a real passion for directing, casting, and building stories from the other side of the table.

We also get honest about imposter syndrome, downplaying your own work, and the tricky balance of collaborative leadership. Finally, we go deep on vulnerability, therapy, self-respect, and building a chosen family that holds you accountable when your dreams feel scary to say out loud.

If you’re navigating burnout, a career pivot, or the question of what you want next, this conversation is for you. Subscribe to Tea With TJ, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Cold Open On Changing Paths

Hillary 0:00

Because even though I had kind of lost my own faith, a lot of people were looking at me as like in due time. Like it could have been one more year. If I was going on the path I was going and doing all the same steps, a year later I could have like been on a Disney show. Or like you just don't know.

TJ 0:33

Hey friends, it's TJ. And you're listening to Tea with TJ, where our love for tea, competition, and self-improvement interface. So let's take a deeper dive into my cup and let's have a chat. Hey friends, it's TJ. Welcome back to another episode of Tea with TJ. And today I have a special guest, uh a dear friend of mine. We found out that we've known each other for five years, four years, four and a half. Yeah. Um, so this is a very exciting episode to have you on. This is Hillary. Welcome to the show.

Hillary 1:11

I'm so happy to be here.

Growing Up In Theater

TJ 1:13

Welcome, welcome. So, um, really quickly, if you could just tell me your story.

Hillary 1:17

Yeah. Like uh, I'm like, that's the whole episode, actually. Um, no, I'm from Seattle originally, was raised there, was also raised. Like, I started performing when I was almost eight years old, and then lived in the theater world in every capacity. Um, and eventually moved here for school in 2017. Okay. And I've been here for eight years. So I yeah, grew up child actor in Seattle and then transitioned to I think I want to be behind the scenes identity crisis mode. Okay. Decided to major in musical theater, then pursued musical theater as a career for like 0.2 seconds before I started working in casting. And um, yeah, that's kind of my story. Nice. Working casting, production, I'll stand in the background and shoebop wherever I need to go.

TJ 2:13

Yeah, shoob. Okay. I love it.

Hillary 2:15

Yeah.

TJ 2:16

Um, I don't think I knew that you were from Seattle.

Hillary 2:18

Oh, really?

TJ 2:19

Yeah. I don't know why I thought you were from here.

Hillary 2:21

I'm from Seattle, but my family relocated to Charlotte, North Carolina. Uh-huh. So I think whenever I would talk about like going home or anything like that. Gotcha. Yeah.

TJ 2:29

Interesting.

Hillary 2:30

A lot of transplants in Charlotte, North Carolina.

When Motivation Starts To Fade

TJ 2:32

Yeah. I have a friend in Charlotte right now, actually, who's about to move to Baltimore. I'm so sorry. I loved you though. Um, so when we were chatting about having you on the show, I gave you a few topics, and you picked uh number three on that list, which is when motivation fades, which I thought was very interesting. Um, before we dive in, I'm curious to know why that stuck out to you.

Hillary 2:57

I think because coming from a place where my career was pretty set at an age where maybe it's a little just too early. Because at eight years old, I knew that I was gonna go to college for theater or for acting or for whatever that world. Um and I had a lot of success, but also I think it created such a limited view that at 15, when I wasn't a Disney star and like moved to LA in this like huge success story, I was like, I've done something wrong. Like I haven't, I'm it's I'm the problem, not like this is a really subjective field to be in. Like you're a child, like what about I like don't know how to ride a bike, but I know how to like film a self-tape in 20 minutes. Like, there's just I think even in college, I was stepping more behind the scenes, not because I didn't love performing, but because my motivation of why I was doing it became so muddied that if anything, the like rebelling to do something else that wasn't performing was more clear motivation than or the most clear motivation I was getting.

TJ 4:08

Interesting. Okay, I love that. Um, also fun fact, I don't know how to ride a bike either.

Hillary 4:12

So thank gods in a pot.

TJ 4:14

Yeah, and people give me shit about it all the time. And I'm like, I didn't grow up in a city where we biked, I learned how to drive at 16.

Hillary 4:21

So Yeah, comment wherever to let us know if you have if you do know how to ride a bike, cool, but you probably know the majority of the world knows how to ride a bike. But if you don't, join the club because I feel like that's a very vulnerable thing to tell people.

TJ 4:33

It is, it is, and I get shit for it all the time. Yes, but then when I tell people, Do you know how to roll a blade? where I say I don't know how to roll a blade, people are like, Oh no, I didn't do that. I'm like, okay, so then what is the difference between those two things?

Hillary 4:44

Yes.

TJ 4:44

Anyway, we're going off on a tangent.

Hillary 4:46

A whole other episode.

Panic Attack And Leaving The Stage

TJ 4:48

Um, so in this idea of when motivation fades in your life, I am curious to know from you. You kind of mentioned or hinted at it that like your motivation shifted a little bit in that that space. What was the kind of the the catalyst that like shifted you away from performing on stage?

Hillary 5:05

I so I say up until I was 15, because when I was 15, I was playing the lead in a show and I had just the most severe panic attack that I I think I also wasn't taught at anxiety was normal. It was much more normalized over the last like 10 years, honestly. Um so I immediately thought that something was medically, like physically wrong with me.

TJ 5:33

Okay.

Hillary 5:34

And I became scared so scared of that feeling, but also was living in it that I associated so much of it with performing. And I did not want to get back on stage. And I'm very lucky that my the associate director at the youth theater that I worked at at the time and was doing the show at um, she had wanted me to perform in a production of another show, and I was so against it that just to get me in the room, just to like kind of remind me like this is a safe space, she was like, Why don't you come assistant direct? And I was like, you know what? I still get to hang out with my friends, I still get to be at rehearsal, I get to like have a bit of an insight into behind the scenes. Okay. And then I fell in love and I thought it was just the best thing ever. And interesting. Um yeah, so I'm very grateful for that experience. It took a little bit of trauma to get there, but like most things, right? But it it was my first time experiencing a trajectory change because even though I had kind of lost my own faith, a lot of people were looking at me as like in due time, like it could have been one more year if I was going on the path I was going and doing all the same steps. A year later I could have like been on a Disney show, or like you just don't know. Um, but I was living in such negative what ifs and directing and still getting to be in the room and understanding how valuable that part of the creation process is as well. Um, I just started to have a bigger appreciation for the other side of the table.

TJ 7:15

With this idea of motivation fading for you on stage and then being in this this position um in front of cast members and being a director. Which I don't know if we've ever had a conversation about this. I know you've mentioned it to me before about you directing, but are you actively still directing now?

Hillary 7:33

Yes.

TJ 7:34

Okay, great.

Hillary 7:34

Which is so funny though, because I I in the moment don't necessarily think that's what I'm doing. And I actually just directed a whole music video where I was like, oh, I'm just helping out. I'm just a part, like I'm just I'm there, I'm I'm getting all these things together. And then it was like time to shoot. My cinematographer is there, my pop star is right there, and I'm telling everyone how to do it and how to go about the the two hours we had to shoot. And yeah, my cinematographer also happens to be um one of my good friends and my roommate, and she was like, No, dude, you directed it. And I just didn't that's even still like the the la the trust part of it that directing is now becoming what acting was at that time for me.

TJ 8:17

Interesting, ever evolving. I wonder where that comes from because I feel like a lot of us, and I know I do this way too much, and I'm still working on becoming better at it, we don't give ourselves enough credit for the things that we do. Yeah. Um, I feel like we downplay a lot of the the stuff that we do that does make us special in like the uh creative projects that we have or the um things that we are actively doing in our lives, whether we've booked something or wrote something or filmed something, we kind of downplay that a lot. And I was having a conversation about two weeks ago with Kit, who is going to be on the show. I don't know where this is gonna fall. Um, but he was mentioning how the whole like definition of being an artist, what makes an artist an artist? Um, and we kind of touched on he's a musician and has kind of like fallen into writing because he was a performer at first. Um, but he was kind of mentioning how like we all like are too um afraid to share some of the work that we do because it's so vulnerable and we sometimes feel like if we put it out, then it's real, yeah. Right. Do you find yourself now, especially because I want to touch on the director thing because I feel like that's a very interesting perspective to have. Do you find yourself being in being a director kind of questioning or like not trying to um or feeling like you you you're shared, you're scared to share the things that you're doing?

Hillary 9:46

I that first experience with directing, it was at a youth theater. So it was all my peers slash people I felt very comfortable with. And I wasn't in the driver's seat. I was like the what is it? It's like a kerchik or something, it's like the a sport, like a race car, like the one that like helps kind of like you get your water, you get your oil change, whatever, and you like send them back out. And um, that's definitely not the right word, but like the essence of what I'm talking about. Um so I got to be like the right hand man to the director. So I felt I started to understand what that authority was, but I also felt very comfortable in the fact that at the end of the day, the final answer or the final say is not me. I can give as much input and feel as creatively involved, but um, and so it was nice because whenever I was given asked like types of authority, it was like little, little pieces, little things. So stand like sitting in the driver's seat as the director, I immediately started to question like I'm too young, or they're gonna think like I'm not ready, I have no training. Um, even though you have so much experience as an actor watching directors, and you can totally learn from that. And there's so much justification in why I was perfectly justified to be there, or like as the director, even when I was younger. Um, but I still found all the reasons why maybe I wasn't.

Leading A Collaborative Room

TJ 11:11

Interesting. And I always feel like I had a conversation with um Calvin Thompson, who has been on the show, who is trying to come back for season four. We're gonna figure it out because he's in an off-broy show right now. Um, but we had a conversation about how when people are put in these like leadership positions, which in thinking about that episode and some of the things that we talked about, if you haven't seen it, go watch it and listen to it. Um, but he said something that I'm getting off of you right now in this moment in talking about that, that you can always kind of tell when people are leaders, quote unquote. Um, and I have felt that off of you since the first day we've met. Oh my gosh. Um, and so it doesn't surprise me that you in a director position would kind of fill out the room in that way. And I'm curious to know how you run a room when you're a director versus when you're an actor.

Hillary 12:06

Yeah, I've had various conversations with this uh about this with other directors. Um, and it one the conversation that always sticks with me is are you um a collaborative artistic director, um, which I think is more in the world that I lean towards, or are you more like structured, um kind of fitting in all of the elements, looking at the big picture, but you're not really like having that same connection with your actors, and those still build a great product. Um, but I as a director, especially coming from it from former actor perspective or current actor, but like knowing the actor perspective, I want everyone to feel like they have autonomy over whatever we're creating. So I feel like it's leading a team, and those are the best rooms where I feel like if I don't know, I can just say I don't know. And that doesn't discredit me as the director, it's just admitting that I don't know and moving on from that.

TJ 13:13

And you don't necessarily know in that moment, you could have something or a stroke of genius two hours later or a day later, um, which is interesting because I feel like a lot of us, both on that side of the table and in the room, and solely speaking from you know a theatrical production perspective, I feel like so many of us in that space feel like the the director is like the captain of the ship. And if they don't have an answer for me, then it's not worth you know what the project is, which I don't and and you just kind of said this, but I like I don't believe that as an actor in the room. I'm like, yeah, it's it's my job to show up and to portray a certain character and like give life to this thing. But if if the direction of the show and the the mood of the room is a collaborative space, I welcome that an opportunity where a director is like, you know what, that didn't work. I don't know what will work, but let's figure it out together, not do this or don't do anything at all, because I've also encountered those people which are not fun rooms to be in, if you know what I mean. Um have you had any experience when it comes to being in a room and being like uh in a collaborative space, whether it's theater, whether it's TV and film or any other medium, um, where you've had to exactly say what you just said of like, I don't actually know what what's next, or I have a vision, I have a rough sketch, but I'm looking to collaborate with the entire room and not just execute my own vision.

Pandemic Musical And Authority Lessons

Hillary 14:46

It it I actually I I directed a virtual production during the pandemic at the college that I went to, and we were putting on a two-hour musical with video elements, like scenic setup, like we were really trying to, I was really trying to do my big one because it was my first like director in New York City position. But it was a new musical and new works, the writers, the writing team are very involved. And I think that's such a blessing because sometimes you also get new works handed to you, and the writer doesn't come in until you've done the rehearsals, you've worked with the director, but maybe the director doesn't entirely know what the writer meant when they wrote this or or whatever. Um and I thought it was such a blessing for the students that I was directing that they get to like ask the writers what they meant, or they get to challenge the writers as well because it's a new work, it's ever developing. It was at a collegiate level, so it was also we wanted the show to go further in some capacity and live a bigger life. Um, and those students had I I looking back at it, wish I had made sure they knew they had so much more autonomy than they did, um, especially because it was the pandemic. So we were communicating through Zoom.

TJ 16:11

Yeah.

Hillary 16:11

And I remember one of the biggest kind of ego hits was hearing that uh one of the students was like, Well, Hillary's kind of just always letting the writers talk. So it kind of feels like she doesn't really know what she's doing. And that was I was like, wait, I thought I was doing a favor for everyone. I thought uh better get their answers of why, what, when, how, than me say my initial idea to then pass to you, to then have challenged by the writer because ultimately it's their words that are on the page. Um, but it was an opportunity, it was uh it was a good opportunity because I felt like after that, maybe I needed to step up more and at least be kind of a little more strong and wrong. Like maybe I can just communicate with the actors, we can find a new truth, and maybe that's something that we can bring to the writers. Um but that was an interesting process of okay, how do you then be collaborative, work on a new work, work with writers, not try to undermine them, but also look like you know what you're doing. Um and I was 21 post grad, um, working the retail life. So I was like, I'm a failure. What have I done? They don't think I'm doing enough. Not realizing that all of my teachers, pro previous teachers that were watching me do it from their perspective, or my writing team, or the editing team I was working with, they weren't seeing all those pieces. But I didn't have enough confidence in my position to then justify myself.

TJ 17:44

I was just like, maybe they're right. Interesting. Interesting. So that that kind of takes me back to where we started this conversation of like this towing the line of like when motivation fades and how do you navigate that, how do you process it? I'm curious to know from you with looking at your life as a whole, both like creative, professionally, and and personally, or in some of these spaces where you have started in one direction and maybe with the acting thing, I'll use it as an example. Um, started with the acting thing and then it kind of like just slowly faded out, and you didn't really find the passion in it, but then kind of pivoted into the directoral thing, and that kind of fueled you. Do you think that uh where you stand now in your life that your motivation is like driven by a specific thing, or is it completely open?

Hillary 18:47

Right now it's so open, it's so I'm now almost living in fear of my motivation.

TJ 18:57

Okay.

Hillary 18:58

Um we were just talking about my boyfriend who's in a Broadway play, has worked very, very hard to get to the point that he's at, and he knows exactly what he wants, and he'll be telling me, and I'm fighting this uncomfortable feeling. He's talking about wanting to be a name, going back to LA, like putting in the work as an actor, like knowing that he wants to be well known for his work, separate from famous. And at first, I remember hearing it for the first time and thinking, my boyfriend has the biggest head. What is he doing? He's so delusional. And I think it's because it truly made me uncomfortable that someone could have such a big like motivator, like this big dream, and is willing to take all the steps to get there and also has no doubt. I think coming from a position of being a child actor in the very small, small Seattle scene, but working in that way, but also not entirely being able to look back and say that was my decision.

TJ 20:03

That's fair.

Hillary 20:03

That's something that I've been, we're in therapy, we're working through it all. But it's like at what one day I just have to make that decision and go forth with it. Versus when even when we met, I've kind of been living in this where the work takes me.

TJ 20:19

That's fair.

Hillary 20:20

And now I'm trying to, I'm glad we're having this conversation now. I'm trying to give myself that freedom to figure out whatever my current I want is. I think also I have I hear that question, and I'm like, I have to know what it is now, and it's ever changing.

TJ 20:38

Yeah.

Hillary 20:38

And all of that, even though my motivation with acting has faded in and out, my foundation of it is still why I'm able to communicate with actors better as a director, or why I know every other part of how a set works. Because when I was on set, I was making friends with all of the other team members trying to understand the workings of how it all got put together. So it's it's interesting because it's not I don't regret anything that led me to this point, but now I'm a little I've been timid about okay, now how do I knowing that maybe my decisions hadn't been entirely like coming just from me, now that I have given myself that power, where do I go next?

TJ 21:27

Yeah. I think that's an interesting impasse to be at because I feel like on one hand, like you just mentioned, if if your motivation or your decisions have kind of lived with your parents or whomever outside of your own cognitive, cognitive, you know, thought process, um you it's it's kind of unfair because you didn't really get to make the choice. So then it makes sense on why you're no longer motivated by those things because if you never made the act of choice to begin with, why would you be motivated by that? You know what I mean? Yeah. Where would the love and passion and drive come from? Um, but then on the other hand, this there's this, or at least, and I'm not trying to therapise you by any means. Um, but on the other hand, I feel like there's a piece of you that may because you identify with being a performer, and because you've done it for so long and it's kind of like ingrained in you, the what if or or the anxiety or the um nervousness that exists around, well, why don't I know what to do or what I want? Um, that's an interesting like space to be in.

Hillary 22:36

Yeah.

TJ 22:36

Um, I will say that I think, and I can only speak from my own life experiences, um, I think I have lived in that space before of trying to decide uh which direction to go in. But I think what I've realized in the long term is that ultimately it doesn't matter. Right. And whatever you choose to do is what you choose to do. Yes. You get an opportunity every day to make a choice on whether or not you want to do something or not. Um, and I will say that I think, again, speaking from my own lived experience, that being 35 now, I'll be 36 in a few weeks.

Hillary 23:16

Don't look a day over 25. Oh, thank you.

TJ 23:18

And that's the problem of why I can't get cast. But that's a whole nother story. Um, but being 35, you know, I've I've I've learned a lot, I've experienced a lot, but I also still I still have so much to learn. Um, and so I think in speaking about my own motivation and kind of how things drive me, I think the the possibility and the opportunity is what kind of pushes me and propels me forward. When I live in spaces that are unknown to me or uh difficult to navigate, or you know, things that I'm very passionate about that just don't seem to land in the way that I would like them to. Um, all of those ideas of like possibility and the good what-ifs, I think, are where my brain lives. And um, do you ever find yourself being able to flip that switch and live in the good what-if versus the the bad what if?

Validation Traps And Making Your Work

Hillary 24:18

It's taking taking me a long time, but I think I've just started to hit that um realization of how I can give myself those good what ifs without needing validation from something. Cause I think I look back at when I left my my job that we met um on, I left not entirely knowing what I was trying to do. I left just knowing I need to change, I need to be somewhere else. And I heard a lot of I think people were at like just wanted to assume what I wanted to do next. And that also created a big identity crisis for me because when I first said I have to leave, like I can't do this job anymore, I thought I was leaving just to direct, or that was gonna be my main focus coming out of financial security and the job security and everything. And then when I I had a conversation with a former employer who asked me if I was leaving the job to be an actor, and I said no. I said, I don't know, you know, I'm still doing that, I'm still pursuing it, but that's not really my main focus. And that person said to me, Well, you know, it's you're not gonna make it as an actor. And I think I told that story for the first time to my boyfriend a few weeks ago, and he was like, Well, of course you've you've you feel this way. Like, of course, like you heard that. Like, I don't know how I would like make the next step after that. That would for sure deter me. I was like, Well, the way I look about it, look at it. I then two weeks later taped for something because my agents were like, Thank God she's done with the job, like we're gonna send her out on all these things, and I got a callback for what now is like a really well-known Apple series.

TJ 26:13

Oh wow.

Hillary 26:14

And so it was like a big like, okay, well, words are this, but action-wise, uh, I don't really know if that's correct. But it still sticks with you. It's still something that when I'm not getting that validation from tape requests or friends asking me to direct this these different shows, or it's about me feeling I think the opportunity is that I need to start making a lot of my own work um and creating more opportunities to collaborate with my friends. Um, but that's so hard when you don't. Yeah, I always make the comment of I'm not a writer because I think actually writing is one of the scariest things that you can do. I'm an editor, is what I say, because you can put the words on the page. I can take it from there. I can make sure the grammar looks good, I can make sure it's an interesting story, I can add whatever needs to be added. But in terms of the vulnerability of putting words on a page in whatever capacity, like whatever way you can take that, because it's not necessarily literal.

TJ 27:14

Yeah.

Hillary 27:15

But yeah, that's something that's been an interesting uh roadblock for me.

TJ 27:21

That's so crazy. I feel like I am finding in this conversation that we have more similarities than I actually thought. Because I have had that said to me time and time again, um, because I've lived and existed in the space of like, you know, and I think we've had conversations about this when you were working for that other employer. That the problem that I constantly come up with is because I look a certain way and like because of my age and because of my vocal range, people expect me to sound a certain way, and that's not what I actually sound like. And so it it puts me in rooms that I'm actually not meant to be in versus the ones that I'm actually supposed to be in. Um and so it causes this like constant push and pull for me of like trying to steer the ship back in the direction that I know it's supposed to be in versus what people perceive me as and are trying to cast me in things. Um and so because of that, a lot of people have been like, well, maybe you should just write your own thing. Like you should just create your own stuff. Lynn does it all the time. Right. Um, but I'm not, same deal. Like, I'm not a writer. Like I've never pretended to be a writer, I could probably play a writer, but like that's not my jam. Um, even though there was a moment in time where I wanted to compose, musical theater aside, um, and I think I've said this story a few times on the show, but my original plan for college was to go to um Berkeley and to do music composition, and I wanted to score films. That was my whole dream back then. Um, and then similar to you, musical theater found me and I had fucking fell in love and I was like the toxic ex.

Hillary 28:57

You just can't shake that musical theater.

Vulnerability And Chosen Family

TJ 29:00

Um, but it's interesting though to me because in you explaining that story and like sharing that, two things stuck out to me. This idea of vulnerability, which I want to come back to because I feel like that's a whole nother conversation. Um, but also the fact that like words mean things. Like the fact that someone told you that, that you were not gonna make it because you decided to leave a job is absurd to me. Like, in I don't care what profession you were in, um, but I think specifically in the theater world or TV and film world or commercial world or whatever, to say that to someone completely unvalidates uh anything that they have worked for up until that moment. You know what I mean? You are saying to them that I don't care what you've done, I don't care, you know, what you've been able to accomplish, but to me in this moment, you're not worthy and you're not worth being able to do this professionally. Um which is crazy to me. Like I don't, I don't, I don't know anyone that would I hope so, anyway. Right. I don't know, I don't know anyone that would ever say that to another artist. Yeah. You know, um, but I want to come back to this vulnerability piece because I think there is something special there because it's come up a few times in our conversation, even before recording. Um I think there is a space where being able to be honest enough with yourself to be vulnerable in whatever capacity that is, whether it is writing something, whether it is riding a bike, learning how to ride a bike. I don't think I overdo that, but um, whether that's relationships or um like work colleagues or family or friends or whatever it is, there's a special space that I think one can inhabit when being vulnerable. And a lot of us are so scared to be on the like perimeter of that. But I think there is something special in being able to honestly with yourself be a hundred percent vulnerable and not care what the outcome may or may not be. Um, and I find that the the older I get, the more um accepting I am of that whole concept. And I'm curious to know if you are if you're getting any closer to that since you mentioned not being able to be as vulnerable to put something on the page. Do you find yourself slowly getting closer to that? Or have you noticed that you're able to like more confidently now have moments of vulnerability?

Hillary 31:36

Oh, for sure. I think because I realized all of those, and it's kind of tale as old as time, but all of those breakthroughs that I've experienced previously came way too long after me pushing against the uncomfortable. So I think that's something that if someone younger were or whoever were to ask me for advice about vulnerability, period. It's really do those things that make you so unbelievably uncomfortable. I used to, I for sure was the kid who was like, I can't call the dentist. I'm still like, I still have a dentist in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I'm like, hey, like you have all my info from my mom, right? Because that was like the one thing that I was like, I can't grow up, I can't this, I don't want this to change. Um so now every single doctor's appointment that I make here in New York City, I'm like, oh my god, I'm an adult. I did it. I need to treat myself. Like it's very much sometimes it's just those little things.

TJ 32:44

But isn't it so rewarding though? Yes.

Hillary 32:46

Like, yes, or even um like my uh partner, him saying all of these, what at the time I was like, you're delusional. Now I'm like, actually, you're just a dreamer who has very reach reachable goals based off of all the steps you've taken. Um, was telling him something I was excited to do. Because now he's like, okay, so have you done the thing? Have you worked? And that's also building your chosen family or building like your squad, whatever that is, um, with people that also feel okay making you uncomfortable and that you'll want to improve yourself for that relationship or for that friendship or for whatever. That was also something I was so scared to voice my dreams, period, that the fact that now I'm including more of my chosen people in on those, I think is such a huge step because now I have people that can keep me accountable. Whether it's just checking in with me six months later and being like, so where are you at with that one thing? And if I haven't thought about it since I said it, then I know that there's a problem. But if I have some updates, then there's growth. So it's those little things, but also I think while having those chosen people taking the steps to make sure I'm also just keeping myself accountable.

TJ 34:04

Yeah, yeah, I agree. It's um it's interesting because I feel like so many of us are um scared to be in that space. And unless you have some sort of core friend group or chosen family, um, it can be difficult to hold your own self accountable. Um and I find that most of my friends who most of them we have gone at least 10 years now, like we've been friends 10 years now. Like my like core core, like the people who are favorites in my phone. Yeah. Um, that I know I can call at 3 a.m. and they will pick up the phone. Yeah. Um, so many of them uh were around the same age, but so many of them have had these like interesting experiences and like life things that have happened um that have forced them to reckon with their vulnerability and reckon with the reality of real life. Yeah right, not the the picture that we paint for ourselves or the dream, quote unquote, life that we are like hoping for. Um and it's it's crazy when I think about it because I am very much in a space of like I don't know in being an adult, I didn't know that this is what life was gonna be like. Because when you're a kid and you look at your parents or you look at your other family members, you know, you're like, oh, they have it all together. Like, you know, they can go to Disney this weekend or you know, whatever. Um, but when you're actually living it, it's a different story. And and these revelations just kind of continue to happen. And in my opinion, I think part of growing up, part of like really being an adult in being in this space of being able to take care of yourself, quote unquote, really relies on vulnerability and um finally being honest with yourself of like where you are in the grand scheme of things. Yeah. Um, because I feel like there's so many of us who unfortunately it takes a while for them to get to that place. Um, and not necessarily of their own making. Some of it is circumstance, some of it is you know external factors. Um, do you think you are at a place now with that and kind of like piggybacking on the comment that your partner made where you feel like you have that chosen family, um, I'm assuming he's included in it as well. Yes. Um, where you are now actively being held accountable, where you can say, oh shit, like, yeah, I guess yeah, I should do that. I should, you know, or I shouldn't do that.

Hillary 36:41

For sure.

TJ 36:42

Yeah.

Hillary 36:43

I can't that's my my uh favorite word today, is for sure. But words. Um yeah, I think because also I'm in a relationship where we both are very individual people who feel pretty fine on our own paths. So now that we've included each other in it, I also have to be able to do the actions, like follow through with my words because I'm expecting that of my partner. And anytime he says something, I know I'm gonna follow up on it. So every time I follow up, I also have to know, okay, uh, he's probably gonna next ask about the thing that I said that I was going to do. And I want it to feel um we always talk, we've been talking a lot about the difference of like it feeling um equitable versus equal, um, which is a whole new thing in like relationships, but also I think in just your expectations, like with where I'm at today, it doesn't really make sense to assume like, oh, what I just need is a change of scenery. I'm gonna move to LA in a week, f my lease, the boyfriend, the other dynamics, who needs money, I'll figure it out. Like, I just I can't do that. So it's also being understanding with yourself. Um yeah, I think sometimes having those chosen people and the accountability that they can give you is that one step towards personal accountability because you have you start to understand it. I think it also comes from self-respect.

TJ 38:14

Yeah, I agree.

Hillary 38:14

That's also been a big thing. And I think holding myself back has been doing myself a disservice, and so now it's about taking the time to be in therapy and unpack why do I feel like that's okay? But I wouldn't do that to one of my best friends, or I would be so, so encouraging to my best friend who dreamed of making music videos as a kid, and now I just randomly threw one together earlier this week, and I'm not even giving myself enough credit.

TJ 38:40

Yeah, yeah. That's a it's a yeah, I wanna okay, hold on. What is your sign?

Hillary 38:47

I'm a Taurus.

TJ 38:48

Okay, that makes so much more sense now. Um, Brooklyn is also a Taurus, and for some reason, Taurus, I'm a Gemini. Tauruses and us are we circle each other. My mom's a Taurus, like it's a whole I'm a Gemini moon. That makes so much sense now.

Hillary 39:04

Yeah.

Socials Last Three And Goodbye

TJ 39:05

Um, but the whole like that whole self-doubt thing and like the the you know not giving yourself enough credit, it's something that I struggled with a lot when I first moved here and had to unlearn. Um, because I was constantly comparing myself to everybody else and like everyone else's journey and being like, well, they were only here for a year and they are they're on a national tour, or you know, they've moved to LA and they're on a TV show, and I'm like, what am I doing? I'm like, all of it has to stop. All of it has to stop. Um, so I love that you have like shifted into that space too. Um, we are at our time. At our time. Um, but I've loved this conversation though. That's been really great. Me too. Um, I feel like we might have you back for like a part two. Please. Um, but before we go, um would you like to share your socials where people can find you?

Hillary 40:02

Oh yes. Honestly, it's really just Instagram right now. It's Hillary with two L's underscore Dominguez.

TJ 40:09

Perfect. Love it. Um now, before we go, we do this thing called the last three on T with TJ. Uh, three questions unrelated to the topic, just to give our folks a little bit of knowledge. Um, you can answer however freely you like. It can be one word, it can be a whole thought, however you whatever strikes you. Um ready.

Hillary 40:29

I'm ready.

TJ 40:30

Yeah. Uh what are you most proud of?

Hillary 40:33

What am I most proud of? My heart.

TJ 40:39

I love that. I love that. Um, what brings you the most joy?

Hillary 40:46

My poodles.

TJ 40:48

I don't think I know you have poodles.

Hillary 40:50

I have four poodles back home in North Carolina and I have they're my screensaver, like when I'm bored on the train and my service isn't working, I go back and look at photos of them. I'm ho I think my relationship will then segue into that, but in terms of something that longevity has made me.

TJ 41:08

I love that. I don't know that. Yeah. And then last question. Um, if you could tell your younger self anything, what would you say?

Hillary 41:24

My younger self. Save more money.

TJ 41:32

That's fair. That is very fair. I think I would I would say invest in Apple. Yeah. Yeah.

Hillary 41:39

Like something like that.

TJ 41:40

All right, perfect. Well, thank you so much for doing this.

Hillary 41:43

Thank you so much.

TJ 41:44

I greatly appreciate you. It's been fun. Um, thanks so much for watching, friends, and with that, I will see you next week.