Shed Letters from a Moonstruck Perfect Neighbor

Belly up to the table, friends! It's time for another buffet of conversational morsels for the mind from Mr. B! In this episode, Mr. B reviews the 2025 Netflix documentary "The Perfect Neighbor" and the 1987 MGM romantic comedy "Moonstruck". He's been digging around in his shed and has found some fond letters from appreciative former students which he has decided to share with you and he returns to the wacky world of personal pet peeves - this time regarding relationships. And, he wraps up Step 4 in this episode's spiritual journey. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

It's time for dinner. Ding dung ding dang ding dung. From the creative mind of Scott Bertelson, after four decades of teaching our impressionable youth the dinner belt, you are invited to enjoy conversational morsels for the mind at Mr. B's dinner party.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Yeah, dinner.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

What what time is it? Who'd that remind you of?

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Mr. B's got a table so wide. Pull up a chair, let your worry slide. School days, tales, and a movie or two. He's serving up wisdom with a side of stew. Belly up to the table, my friend. The feast of thought will never end. From travels far to a spiritual climb. Morsels of music served in rhyme.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

No, I'm not deranged. Not any more than I have been. Alright, enough of that craziness. This is Mr. Burles. Also known as Mr. Boghorn Leghorn. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say. Saying hello. And welcome to Mr. B's Dinner Party. I hope that we can have a good time. So, anyway, let's examine a number of tidbits today for Mr. B's dinner party.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Welcome. For the next course, come one, come all. Nothing spoiled here, from comfort classics to what's hot now. Film reviews from Mr. B's Rewatchables.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

So, folks, for my TV review, last time we were together, I talked about the documentary Caterpillar, about a man who thought that just by changing the color of his eyes, that his whole world would radically, magically change overnight. And uh, I'm not trying to be uh sarcastic about it. He truly 100% did believe this. And 100% truly it did not happen. And just learned to accept himself and to love himself when the whole uh surgery became a debacle and uh just didn't work at all. Which is not different from people who uh I guess have the injections for weight loss or uh have Botox or uh and again I'm not condemning any of these things. That's your choice. Do whatever you want to feel better about yourself, or uh of course you're talking to a man here who uses a hair piece, so I should talk. Uh, but anyway, woo! That's a whole nother episode. Oh, I know you're shocked, aren't you? Anyway. Oh, I'm digressing again. Okay, so let's talk about uh the new documentary that I saw, and that is called The Perfect Neighbor. And this is a book documentary about gun violence and the existence of standard ground laws in the United States, and it's told through police body camera footage and explores the story of the killing of AJ Owens, a black mother living in a neighborhood, who is shot and killed uh by a bullet that goes through the door of this person's home. Uh the name, the perfect neighbor, and that's far from true, perfect, uh, comes from the name Susan Lorenz. And she said that herself that she was a perfect neighbor.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

No, Sheriff's Office. Were any of you guys over here messing with this lady? No, we won't play with us. Sheriff's office.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

I call because across the street. They shouldn't be screaming and running around.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

Okay. And she lived prior to this uh horrendous event, lived in a close-knit neighborhood in Florida, where she was surrounded by uh lots of uh families with children. She didn't have any children, she liked to uh stay to herself, uh, she didn't want to associate with other people. Um and they the children used to play in a vacant lot next to her home. Anyway, uh Susan uh, as you see in the documentary, becomes very aggravated and shouts at the children and calls the police multiple times. That's why we have the footage, and says that the children are harassing her, bothering her on her property. Uh, and the children say that they are called racial slurs by this woman, but we don't know. Uh the woman who is killed, who goes to Susan's door one night, is uh A.J. Owens, a single mother of four. And she was killed by a single bullet when she went over to Susan's home and pounded on the door and said something to the effect that uh I want to talk with you, and Lorenz shot her through the closed front door. Um prior to this, uh Owen's son um told her mother that uh Loren, Susan, had thrown a roller skate at him and had bothered him. So again what happened is that um she was shot and she was killed. And then Susan went on trial and she was found guilty of, I believe, manslaughter. Yes, she was. Um and um she is serving a twenty-five year sentence at an institution in Homestead, Florida. Now the reason I really suggest if you like documentaries, to watch The Perfect Neighbor on HBO Max is it addresses so many things. It deals with racism. Uh the majority of the children in this uh close-knit community are black, Susan is white. Uh is she racially prejudiced? Is that why she uh is constantly uh supposedly uh bothering the children and and telling them to stay off her property or or the property next door to her, which is not her property? Uh was this racially, prejudicially motivated as for her to shoot this woman? Uh another question it brings up is did Susan actually feel like her life was being threatened that night in order for her to uh shoot her through the door and kill her? Uh and that's a major question. Uh Susan, according to the series, is says that uh she felt like she was going to break down her door and kill her. And she had to stand her ground, which is a ruling that uh excuse me, exists in Florida that you can't do that if you feel your life is being threatened. And that is a position that she took. Uh but unfortunately when they uh uh uh examined the uh evidence and she went to trial, uh the jury decided differently that uh they really uh did not believe that she was going to be killed by this woman coming to her door and uh she had no right to shoot uh her and kill her. So I really suggest that you see the perfect neighbor and maybe it's on Netflix too. Check that out. But um keep in mind that it's a story of whether or not a woman really protect is trying to protect herself or is a woman so prejudiced that she will kill somebody. You have to make that decision for yourself. And it's very, very, very um hard to watch and very very disturbing. And I think it's a great documentary for anybody who believes that it can just simply be said, I was protecting myself. Is that really true? I have my bias personally. I do believe that she knew what she was doing and that she purposely shot that woman through the door. I think the sentence was rectified, that's how I feel. And um again, I have no idea what it was like for that woman to live in that neighborhood, but uh the perfect neighbor should be something you spend some perfect time with.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

I'm like the perfect neighbor.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a mory.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Thank you, Dean Martin. For my film review this week. I'm going to talk about one of my favorite movies of all times. Have you heard me say that before? Okay, I'll say it again. Moonstruck.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

The moon brings the woman to the man.

SPEAKER_03 12:07

The moon is a little like love.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

I will marry you. I will be love and cut it. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I'm not gonna do it. You've got a lot of light on your deck, no light, stop my life, it's not your light.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

Starring Cher, the 1987 American romantic comedy, directed by Norman Jewison. Norman Jewison, who also directed one of my favorite films, uh, the film adaptation of Jesus Christ Superstar that came out in the 70s. Uh, Cher, as you know, is one of my favorites, not only because she can sing, dance, and perform, but she's also an incredible actress. And she won the Academy Award for Best Actress for this movie in 1987. And it's a story of a widowed Italian-American woman, that would be Cher, who falls in love with her fiance's hot-tempered, exchange younger brother, played by none other than Nicolas Cage. And it also has Vincent Gardini in it, Olympia Dukakis, uh, who play her parents. And the plot is that Loretta Castrini uh is a bookkeeper and lives in Brooklyn with her parents and her grandfather. Her husband, she had been married, was hit by a bus and then unfortunately died, and then she moved back in with her parents, and she has been looking for love ever since then. She's been dating this guy named Johnny, and uh Johnny asked Loretta to invite to invite after he proposes to her, and she reluctantly says yes, because she just doesn't think there's anything else for her, uh, his estranged younger brother, Ronnie, to the wedding. So anyway, she goes to visit Ronnie and he wants nothing to do with his brother because he blames him for the loss of his hand, and it goes on and on and on. Uh Loretta visits him at a bakery. He says he will not come to the wedding. He was engaged once. He blames Johnny, as I said, for everything that's happened to him. Anyway, so she takes him to his apartment and they start talking about a relationship, and Ronnie reacts furiously, and all of a sudden grabs Loretta, Cher, and kisses her, and they go to bed. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. She's only just met him, and he hates Cher's fiance, and now they're in bed. Okay. So anyway, uh Loretta feels guilty about the affair, and Ronnie promises to never bother her again if she goes to the Met, the opera. And she says, Okay, I'll go. But in the meantime, she gets her hair done, she buys a new outfit, she's just absolutely gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. And um there's more to the story, but what happens is then um she is not she tells herself she's not going to get involved with him again for another night, but she does and stays with him, comes home the next morning, and sits at the table in the kitchen with her parents, and uh Ronnie comes and proposes to her. Johnny, her it's a mess. It's a mess, but it's so funny. Johnny, uh, her fiance has been over in Italy because his mother supposedly was dying, but then she has a miraculous recovery, and he comes in and he says, I can't marry you, Loretta, and she's like, Whoa, you gave me a ring. And then the ring that um Johnny was going to use gives to Ronnie, and Ronnie proposes to uh Cher there at the table, and then so begins the great adventure that those two are going to get married, and the Cher character did find true love. Now it is a wonderfully entertaining story, and Cher is absolutely fabulous, wonderful, over the top, great as um as the Italian um widow. And um some great lines. One of my favorite is uh after she spent the night with Ronnie, and he says, I love you. I guess after one encounter, he loves her, whatever. And uh she slaps him a couple times and she says, Snap out of it. Anyway, and uh so it ends very happily. It's got some beautiful music, it has a great story about Italian families and the togetherness and the love they have for each other and how they support each other. And Olymp Olympia Dukakis as the mother is superb because her husband, uh Cher's father, is having an affair and she's very aware of it. And then there's this great confrontation that she has with him at the dinner table that he has to give up the affair, and he does give it up, and because he's feeling like, oh, I don't have anything to live for, and then she says, Ti amo, I love you. That's all you need. That's that's what will carry us through. So love is in the air when you see the movie Moonstruck. So find it on cable. I'll let you find it. Because it's worth your time. It's it's two hours of sheer joy and sheer happiness.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

When the moon hits your eye, that's a moray.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Believe in a more. I'm not going to worry about it. I'm surely not perfect. But I thought today, and I've zeroed in on some specific pet peeves, that I would talk about relationship pet peeves. Now, again, I'm going to uh start this by saying I have no authority really on relationship pet peeves. I'm a very independent person. Uh I am so uh happy that I have so many friends and relatives that I can surround myself with, but I'm not really in a relationship. But if you are, and I hope that you are, and I hope that it's good, here are some things that have tested couples' patience and understanding. And I don't necessarily have a solution for these, I'm just going to read them. Okay, and some of these are my own when I did have relationships. And you might say, well, this doesn't bother me. Okay, then disregard it. How about leaving dishes in the sink? Now that really bothers me. I have to get down on myself for that. So I almost every night uh wash my dishes. I don't like the idea of waking up in the morning and seeing uh a pile of dishes in the sink. Uh somebody being on their phone while you're having a conversation with them. What do you think about that? Does that bother you? Does that give you the idea that maybe you're not as important as a person on the phone? I realize. That there are circumstances, but I'm not sure. How about somebody forgetting a special date like an anniversary or birthday? Now we all forget things, and God knows I'm at an age where I usually forget what day of the week it is, but then I normally do remember. But uh, if you see a pattern there, you might want to give that person a planner with the date of your birthday in there or send up a text to remind them. I don't know. Uh anyway, people who also interrupt during conversations. I really try to not always successfully not to do this, because I think that's very rude, and I think it uh gives the impression that what you have to say is much more important than the other person, and that's not the way it should be. Uh you should patiently wait until the person is done, and then you can offer your support, advice, whatever it would be. So try not to do that if you can. Uh leaving wet towels on the floor. Yes. Hmm. I guess this deals with uh domestic chores, which you could have a whole set of pet peeves just for that, I'm sure. Uh nobody should have to pick up your wet towels. That should be something you do yourself. Or, in conjunction with that, how about uh not putting your clothes in the laundry basket? Mm-hmm. Just leave them by the bed or by the shower or by the couch, whatever it would be. That's not really right. Try to avoid that if you can. And how about not helping with uh household chores? If there's two of you living in the house, shouldn't two of you help with that? Maybe come up with a schedule. Today you do this, I do this, do we rotate that? Unfortunately, I grew up in a house where, and again, I'm not blaming my father, he didn't know any different, uh, that the mother does all the work in the house. She does all the cooking, she does all the cleaning. That's just a given law. Don't even ask the male figure to vacuum or do the dishes. And uh my mother existed that way. Now, today that's quite different from most homes, as I'm glad it is, that the male figure does have to uh lend a hand in laundry or cooking or cleaning or whatever it would be. And uh I really respected my mother for all the work she did because not only did she have to work in the house, but we lived on a farm and she had to work outside with my father many times as a hired hand. So she got double, double work. Amazing woman. Thank you, mom. Uh, how about forgetting to say please and thank you? Oh, how simple that is to do. That is to forget, but how important it is to say please and thank you. Uh, what about making a mess and not cleaning up afterward? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Now, when you live alone, you have nobody to blame but yourself, and the only person who's going to clean it up is going to be you. But if you're sharing a home with somebody else, a spouse, a friend, an acquaintance, children, whatever it would be, uh why would somebody want to come into a room that you uh threw wrappers all over the floor, your crumbs are all over, and empty bowls are all over the place. Why would anybody want that? Uh how about being overly critical or nitpicky? Ooh. Probably shouldn't do that. Unless you want to be criticized, it's probably better for you not to say anything. You don't have a right to judge another person. You don't have a right to tell another person how he or she should live. You should have realized that maybe before you got together. Just saying. Just saying. Uh, overcoming sarcasm or teasing. Uh-huh. Sarcasm is a tricky, tricky, tricky thing. Because sarcastic remarks can always many times have a certain amount of truth to them. And the truth is that you're really criticizing that person instead of saying, Oh, I'm kidding. You know I don't mean that. But do you? But do you keep that, keep that going. Uh, taking food without asking. Mm-hmm. Not acknowledging efforts or gestures on your part. Not saying thank you for making a beautiful meal. Thank you for cleaning that up. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for getting the groceries. We all like to hear that we're appreciated. We all like to hear thank you. Ah, here's one. Rehashing old arguments or mistakes. Oh, give it up. Give it up. Why are you going down that road again? Reach some form of resolution and then put it away and don't come back to it. Really important. And the last one, and there's probably many more, but always expecting the other person to compromise. That's not fair. Compromise should be something that's equally done in a relationship. Now, I will tell you personally, did that work for me? No. Did I compromise? No. Did I try to control? Yes. But I've talked to you about that in my spiritual journeys. That I was a controller. And I always thought I was right. I'm not that way anymore. I see both sides of the issue. And that was part of the reason why my marriages didn't work, is that I would not compromise. And so that doesn't mean you're weak. Actually, it means that you're stronger as a person if you can compromise. So I'm no doctor, I'm no marriage counselor. Far from it. But this is just a brief list of pet peeves about relationships. And maybe you can decide, I do practice a couple of those. Ask yourself, what can you do to change it? All small changes are worthwhile. It doesn't have to be monumental. You don't have to feel like you have to accomplish these changes all in one day. It's not necessary. But try to change if you need to for the betterment of the relationship. So happy happy.

SPEAKER_03 29:35

And now, school days with Mr. B.

SPEAKER_01 29:41

For my educational section, segment, call it what you want, that uh I'd like to talk about today is something that's meant something to me. I have boxes and boxes of leftovers, so to speak, from my teaching days that I need to go through that I keep putting off, and I have them in my shed, and they just sit there. I always say every summer I'm going to go through them. But anyway, I know those that in those boxes I have saved over the years notes, cards that have been sent, given to me in person, sent in a text, whatever it would be, saying how much I was appreciated. And when you are feeling down and blue and not thinking that you're making a difference and you're not reaching out, these can be such inspiration. Uh I remember when I retired from doing the musical, the high school musical, co-directing that after 35 years. And a very, very dear friend of mine uh reached out to students and asked them to make comments about me as a director. And then the last night of my last musical, uh, she um ran off all those statements, uh notes that were sent and put them in a book for me. And it is something I cherish, cherish, cherish because I thoroughly enjoyed doing that and thoroughly enjoyed working with young people during the musicals during that time. So, what am I trying to say? I'm trying to say, I think it's very important to send a thank you note or appreciation message to a teacher. And I believe uh May, I can't tell you the particular date. I don't even know what day it is right now. So anyway, hello is uh appreciation week for teachers or something, but it doesn't have to be a particular week, it can be any time that you just send uh a text or you send an email. Yes, we still have email, or you send a card to a teacher and say thank you to what they have done. So I am uh on my soapbox today to say teachers should always be told that they're doing something well, because so many times, and maybe all of us suffer from this, we are told what we're not doing well. So why don't we send a meaningful message to a teacher? It doesn't have to have perfect wording, but most importantly, and it doesn't have to be long, it should be sincere. And talk about a specific moment uh that you had with a teacher that will live on with you. Um a warm and respectful tone is always welcome. And teachers really value, I feel, may I use this word authenticity, more than going on and on and on. Just say it in a few words. I remember getting a Christmas card occasionally on my desk at school, and it'd be like one or two sentences. That's all I needed. It just made me so happy. So here are some examples. I've got ten of ways that you can start an appreciation message, letter, call it what you want for a teacher. Here's number one. My dear teacher, thank you for believing in my abilities and helping me discover who I truly am. Wow. And maybe you could talk about some of the abilities that the teacher helped you with. I love this one. Number two, your lessons taught me more than subjects, they taught me confidence and determination. I truly believe that teachers don't teach subjects, they teach students. And I always said that I use language arts as a way of communicating to students. I always wanted them to try to find in language arts something that they could apply to their life, whether it was reading or speaking or writing or literature, how does this apply to you? How can you use this? How can you take this outside the classroom? If you can find ownership in that, then you'll probably buy into it. Number three, here's a way you could start it. Our dear teacher, thank you for your kindness and beautiful spirit. Because of you, learning became a truly enjoyable experience. That's what it should be, folks. It should be instilling in young people to be lifelong learners. That you try to find something to learn every single day. Truly important. Number four, my dearest teacher, my gratitude goes beyond words. Thank you for your patience and support at every step. And maybe you could talk about a time that maybe uh a teacher was very patient with you that you could be grateful for. I love that. My gratitude goes beyond words. Number five, you're always a true source of inspiration, both inside the classroom and beyond it. Teachers have lives outside the classroom. I have made many friends with former students. Now that they're adults, I uh affiliate myself with them, uh, visit with them, uh, consider them friends. And I always said that as a teacher, I couldn't be your friend because I couldn't blur that line of friendship in being a teacher. But once you graduated, that's different. And I cherish those people today. Number six, I will always be grateful for the guidance and the motivation you gave me. What greater thrill could you have as a teacher than to say I provided guidance and motivation? Wow. Wow. Wow. So most days were diamonds in the classroom for me. Not every day. I get that and I understand that. But most of the time I felt like I planted a seed every day in that child. Next one, you showed us that success has a path, and that dreams grow when somebody truly believes in them. Your ideas shape the way we think, and your dedication will stay with us for years. Thank you from the heart. Oh my gosh. There's no greater thank you than from the heart. Your dedication will stay with us for years. That's what I hope so. That's what I always dreamed would happen. That it would go way beyond the four walls. Three left. Thank you for helping me grow, not just academically, but personally. Personally, face it folks. We're not just an authority on our subject. We're a psychologist, we're a counselor, we're a mentor, we're a substitute parent sometimes. All these things. Did you receive training for all these different roles? Probably not. That doesn't mean that you can't be successful if you truly believe in the young people. Number nine, thank you for helping me believe that success is possible and for being a source of support before being a teacher.

unknown 38:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 38:37

And number ten, what you taught us goes far beyond the classroom. It will stay with us for a lifetime. Thank you from the heart. No greater gift could you ever give to students than teaching them something that goes far beyond the classroom. Let it be something they can use for a lifetime. So I hope I've inspired some of my wonderful listeners to think about letting a former teacher know how he or she has impacted you. I've had many, many wonderfully gifted teachers in my career that I have thanked. Some of them are gone now. And I still remember Mrs. Mrs. Kluzmeyer, who was my high school English teacher, who when I started directing plays at Musicals at Ford City, she came up all the time and would always stay after and say hello. And she took such pride that she had in her mind, and it's true, uh, a part in my, I guess I would call success as a high school play director, uh, musical director. She absolutely loved that. And when I had the chance to see students perform or former students teaching, or former students come up to me in the grocery store or at a discount store or anywhere and say, Hey, Mr. B, how are you? I have to be honest with you, sometimes I don't know who they are. Come on, folks. They change in looks, lose their hair, gain weight, not necessarily in that order, but uh but they change physical appearance. And so I'll say, Can you tell me who you are? And then it comes back to me. Normally, I the floodgates are open, and I remember that student sitting in my class fourth hour on a Wednesday afternoon in the fall of 1993. And wow, it just makes my heart bleed with happiness that they took the time to think about me and to say something nice to me. Could be at the gas station. I was subbing uh recently at um Clear Lake High School, and one of my former students teaches there in the middle school, and it was so exciting to visit with him and hear from him what he appreciated about what I did. So send an appreciation note, my happy, grateful ones out there. Or tell a teacher when you see him or her, hey, thanks. You had an impact on me. You made me realize that learning is so important. Gratitude. Gratitude. Share it.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Let's have a seat round the proverbial table. Would you like to say Grace? With a nod to our higher power and Mr. B's spiritual journey.

SPEAKER_01 42:31

My spiritual friends, I have been talking with you recently about doing the inventory, which is a crucial part of finding out who you are as a person and finding out the reasons why you are an overeater. That's step four. And step four reads again as made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. I have talked about fears and questions that you could address dealing with those fears that make you want to overeat. Now let's talk about resentments, if we can. As I shared many times with you before, my loved ones, that I can be a very, very, very resentful person, uh, very jealous person, uh, thinking that everybody uh has something that I should have, wham, wham, wham, sitting on the petty pot, all those terrible things. But here are some questions that you might want to address to question and answer and journal on and share with a sponsor or a friend that will help you have your illness lift itself from your system. Are we holding on to a grudge because at one time or another someone threatened or damaged our self esteem? Have we tried to get even with People, we hurt us. Do we make a point of never forgetting when someone does us harm? I hope that you can journal that you would not keep these uh feelings of resentment because all they do is poison your system. And when you see somebody and then you ask yourself, I can't remember if I should be friends with that person or if I like that person or do I have a resentment against that person? Uh I mean, do you have to go back and check your um your data sheet on like, oh yes, I can't like that person because at this time on this date he said something to me and I didn't like it. I mean, no. Is that an exaggeration? Of course. But don't do it. Let go of it. Let go of it for yourself. Yourself. That doesn't mean you have to like the other person. That doesn't mean you have to hang out with the other person. But that other person, you might want to remember and tell yourself, is a child of God as you are too. You may not understand. That's not necessarily your place to understand. Just let go of it. Here's another question. Do you hold a grudge against anyone due to jealousy? Ho ho, ho ho, ho ho. I'm laughing because that applies to me. Are we envious of other people's appearance, wealth, sex life, popularity, possessions, positions in society? So if you want to really deal with that, you need to list those jealousies and put them in your inventory. Now here's one for a self-imposed grudge. Do we carry grudges against ourselves for things we did or failed to do, or for the fact that we're compulsive overeaters? If so, we should include ourselves on our grudge list. Think about that, my happy friends. Do you have grudges against yourself? Are you angry with yourself? Are you disappointed with yourself? The more you are, the more it's going to lead you to that refrigerator or to that um convenience store for those ding dongs. And that's not going to solve it. It's going to make it worse. So after you look at your anger, then we need to ask whether we tend to be harsh, unforgiving, and self-righteous. For example, here's a question you could address. Do we lash out at people closest to us rather than telling the person and whom we're really annoyed with why we're angry? Maybe it would be better to just state why we're angry instead of lashing out and raising your voice and using um inappropriate language or being physically attacked. Here's another question. Have we abused others verbally or physically? You need to, in this self-inventory, list each incident you can remember when you physically or verbally struck out at another person. And why did you do that? And do you need to make amends to that person? Do you have to say you're sorry? Do you have to clean your side of the street? What was really the reason that you lashed out? Here's another one. Have you ever abused animals? Kicked an animal, shot an animal, caged an animal, didn't feed an animal. And why did you do that? What was your motivation? What was your purpose? You need to find out. How has greed affected your life? Are you generally generous or are you selfish? Are you satisfied when your needs are filled, or do you always want more? More, more, more. And why is that? And when you don't get more, more, more, why do you eat that whole chocolate cake or that box of cookies? Is that going to make it better? No. Another big question are we obsessed with money? Do we believe more money would solve all our problems? Many, many people fret over money all the time and use it as a reason to overeat because they don't see any way out. And they stew over it. And they can't seem to find the way to make ends meet, as they say. But I do believe that a higher power will take care of you anytime you ask for help with your higher power with your financial situations. Maybe you need to get a manager, maybe you need to have a friend help you. Maybe you need to have a relative help you, set up a money management plan. Another question What ways have we been lazy? Have we been procrastinators? Why don't you write down what you have been procrastinating about? Are you procrastinating because you're really a perfectionist, and if you can't do it perfectly, don't do it at all? That's what I have suffered from. Do it completely perfectly, or I'm not doing it. Now does that make sense? Is that sane?

SPEAKER_04 50:30

No. It is not.

SPEAKER_01 50:37

Have we pursued sex in ways that damage our self-esteem? Have we been promiscuous? Are you using it to punish yourself? Are you trying to find some kind of relationship when there's no relationship going to be had there? Have you been interested in only your own pleasure, never seeking to please your sexual partner? Is it all about you? Your needs, your wants, your desires? It doesn't matter about the other person? Is that right? Have you ever forced or manipulated someone to have sexual contact with you? I would hope nobody would agree to that. That's against the law. Nobody should ever be forced to have to engage without consent. Have we transmitted a disease when we knew we were infected? And why would you do that? Are you trying to punish somebody? In what other ways have we misused our sexual drives? Compulsive eating has made many of us very interested in sex. We'd rather just sit with a bag of chips and a gallon of ice cream and fried chicken than try to share ourselves with anybody else? Have you been unfair to your partner? Preferring isolation and food to the risk of physical intimacy. Have you shut yourself off? Have you become so addicted possibly to porn that you no longer want to have a relationship with your partner? A physical relationship. Because you can be addicted to that as easily as you can be addicted to food or gambling or alcohol or drugs, whatever it is. Let's move on to a couple other questions that could be part of your self-inventory. Have you ever stolen anything? If you have, why did you steal it? What did you get out of that? Have you kept money or items you found instead of returning them to the rightful owners? Have you ever taken advantage of someone's ignorance instead of telling the truth? Have you ever cheated anyone out of money or possessions? When have you borrowed something and never returned it? If you borrow it, that means that needs to be returned. That's not an open invitation for you to keep it. Have you cheated or lied to yourself? Remember that negative thinking is another form of self-deception, which plagues many, many compulsive overeaters. Do you want to dwell on the dark side, as Darth Vader would say? Or did you want to live with the force? Have we indulged in self-pity? Have we played the martyr? Only you can answer these questions, my friends. But keep in mind the digger excuse me, the deeper where's that word come from? You dig, the more you're going to find out. Is it going to be fun? Not necessarily. Is it going to be painful? Yes. Would you rather not do it? Yes. Do you have to do it? Yes. You do. Or you will not recover from this illness. Back to the reading. Negative thinking like fear is a habit many of us have had to let go of as we've recovered. After you write your inventory, you review it. Have you listed everything you can think of about yourself, constructive as well as destructive? Have you found that you need to write down all your characteristics, tendencies, feelings, prejudices, and the actions that you have taken as a result? But you've got to write them down. When we face a guilt that truthfully tells us you've made a mistake, we're freed of shame that falsely tells us you are a mistake. You aren't a mistake. No child of God could be a mistake. No matter how much you may not understand that person, that person is a creation of a higher power. Once we've made the inventory, check it and review it and ask God to help us remember anything more that we need to put in it. Then you might want to spend some time in quiet meditation. And then once you have done that, then you need to see if you can trust someone to share that list verbally or give them the written component. And then you have successfully completed step four. You shouldn't be discouraged if the negative outweighs the positive. In fact, we have found that the more defects we uncover, the more our lives can improve as we continue working the steps. Believe this paragraph. Each of us who completes a fourth step inventory finds it essential to our recovery and a major factor in changing our lives. As you reach the end of step four, you are given a promise that you are, quote, moving beyond the food and the emotional havoc to a fuller living experience. And who doesn't want that? A fuller living experience. Day by day, one day at a time, with your HP leading you. It is so, so worth it. Folks, I have really, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, enjoy. Oh, he's back to the Looney Tunes. Uh, enjoy our time today. So, let's mix that all together, bake it at 350 degrees, and we'll serve it at the next dinner party. Okay? So I do look forward to talking with you again, and always let me know if I can help or there's something you want me to talk about, because I do enjoy visiting with you. It's my joy and pleasure. So, until we meet again at Mr. B's Dinner Party, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

SPEAKER_02 58:50

Television dramas and comedic reviews, pet peeves buzzing like honeydew blues, poetry sprinkled like salt on a dish, every word served with a twist and a switch belly up to the table, my friend. The feast of the travel to a spirit. Mr.

SPEAKER_03 59:20

B dinner party is hosted by edited and produced by recorded and distributed editing studios. Subscribe so you never miss an episode. And share with your friends. Listen and enjoy every other Wednesday. Conversational morsels for the mind on Mr. B's dinner party.