The Strength You Never Know You Have | Laura Bratton | 212

What if the hardest thing you've ever faced became the very thing that revealed how strong you truly are?

In this episode of Manders Mindset, Amanda Russo sits down with author, speaker, coach, and founder of Ubi Global, Laura Bratton, for a heartfelt conversation about resilience, self-compassion, grief, and discovering the courage to move forward after life changes in an instant.

At just nine years old, Laura was diagnosed with a rare eye disease and told she would eventually lose her sight. Over the following years, she navigated the emotional challenges of losing her vision, grieving the life she once knew, and learning to embrace a new reality. Together, Amanda and Laura explore how those experiences shaped Laura's mindset and ultimately led her to dedicate her life to helping others navigate change with grit and gratitude.

The conversation dives into identity, anxiety, healing, mindfulness, self-worth, and the importance of validating your emotions instead of pushing them aside. Laura shares why courage isn't about pretending everything is okay, how gratitude can exist alongside grief, and why every person is capable of finding strength they never knew they had.

💡 In this episode, listeners will learn:
💜 Why true courage begins with acknowledging your pain instead of avoiding it.
🌱 How grief, healing, and gratitude can coexist.
🧠 Why your mindset is one of the few things you can always control.
✨ How practicing self-compassion can transform the way you respond to life's challenges.
🤍 The impact of feeling invisible and how to rebuild your sense of self-worth.
🚀 Why everyone has more resilience than they realize.
💫 Why validating your emotions is often the first step toward lasting growth.

⏰ Timeline Summary:
[2:10] Laura shares her childhood and the early signs that she was beginning to lose her vision.
[8:45] Receiving a life-changing diagnosis and how her family navigated the uncertainty.
[17:30] Growing up with vision loss, adapting to school, and struggling with feeling different.
[27:40] Feeling invisible in high school and rebuilding self-worth through self-compassion.
[38:15] College, mindfulness, and discovering the power of mindset and advocacy.
[49:20] Laura explains the balance between grit and gratitude and why both are essential for healing.
[58:40] Writing her book, helping others navigate change, and the legacy she hopes to leave behind.

To Connect with Amanda:

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To Connect with Laura:

Website: https://www.laurabratton.com/

Transcript

Welcome And Why Mindset Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Manders and Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologues and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, and a variety of other people, where your host Amanda Roosevelt will discuss her own mindset and perspective, and her guest mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Welcome to Mandarin's Mindset, where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to fifth life. I'm your host, Amanda Ruth, and I am here today with Laura Brad.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

She also joined me on Breathwork Magic, where we spoke about how the breath helped her light up her life. Today, I am here to delve down her Joni even further and even deeper. At the age of nine, Laura was diagnosed with an eye disease and faced the difficult reality that she would become blind. Over the next 10 years, she experienced the traumatic transition of adjusting to life without sight. She's an author as well, and she founded the Ubi Global, which is an organization that provides speaking and coaching to empower all people to overcome challenges with grit and gratitude. Thank you so much for joining me again, Laura. I really appreciate it. Absolutely. So

Meeting Laura And Defining Courage

SPEAKER_02 1:36

that's an amazing bio, but I'd love to know who Laura is at the core.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

So if I had to only sum it up in one word, it would be courageous.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

I like that. Would you say you've always been courageous?

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Yes, but in a different way. So as a child, before I received the diagnosis, and or I should say before I started losing a significant amount of sight, I was courageous in the sense of just being a fearless, outgoing, I would try anything. I was just climbing trees, riding bikes, whatever the neighborhood kids were doing that were older than me, and it probably wasn't safe for me about it. I was trying. So yes, very courageous in that outgoing, fearless way. That courage had to deeply shift as I experienced losing my sight and have gone through the traumatic transition. That courage has developed into a deep tapping into my inner strength and tapping in to a courage that lives and acknowledges it and validates the pain and still chooses to move forward.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

That's amazing. Can you take us back a little bit? Take us down memory lane, your upbringing childhood, a little bit about your family dynamic.

Childhood In The Deep South

SPEAKER_03 3:15

I grew up in the southeast, in the deep south, with in a very typical southern environment. One older brother, my mom was a teacher, my dad was in real estate. We grew up as Christians, and you know it wasn't. Are you a Christian? Are you Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterian? Oh, or by the way, are you Catholic? You know, that was just our world, our community. You just assumed everybody was Christian. So, as I described, I was just a fearless, outgoing, did not meet a stranger. I would talk to a brick wall for hours if I needed to. Hence why my now my profession is a speaker. My brother's like, of course, that's what you do in your profession, because you never stop talking as a child. So yes, my upbringing, the first nine years, and even I would say like 10 to 12 years were very quote normal, that southern typical life I just described. It all changed as I started to lose a significant amount of sight.

The Diagnosis That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_02 4:26

Now, you didn't lose all the sight at once?

SPEAKER_03 4:30

No. So it was gradual. I lost a significant amount of sight in late eighth grade, so the end of middle school. And then through those four years of high school, I would lose a significant amount of sight and then plateau. So by the end of high school, I have what I have now. So total like vision loss, completely blind, just a very limited light perception. So I always say it was slow and fast in one time because it wasn't fast in the sense of you wake up one day and go from 2020 to no sight, but it's incredibly unusual for anyone, especially a healthy teenager, to lose your sight completely over those number of years. That's highly unusual. So that's why I say slow and fast all at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

You mentioned that you you used to be into climbing trees and riding bikes and all that stuff as a kid.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

And now that shifted for you as you got older. Did that?

SPEAKER_03 5:41

Yes. So I wouldn't describe this in them as I was going through it, but now looking back, that fearless, extroverted, daredevil kid that would try anything, do anything. That outward fearlessness then turned into an inner, I had to turn that inward into an emotional mental strength for pure survival as I went through the vision house. So it just I still had that fearless, extroverted, daredevil spirit. It just looked completely different. Does that make sense? Like it looked like as a child, it could be the climp climbing trees, being outside, never being a stranger, and then in those teenage years of adapting to the vision loss, it had to be turning that inward to have the inner strength to keep going.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

That makes a lot of sense. I'm curious how you folks noticed you were starting to lose your vision.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

That was not me, that was my parents. So the vision loss at nine when my parents took me to the doctor was so subtle, I didn't even notice it. So it was my parents noticing just slight changes. You know, my dad would notice when he and I would go play golf, oh, she's not tracking her ball quite as well. My mom would notice at night she's holding books a little bit closer to her face than normal. It wasn't anything dramatic. So they just assume, go, we'll just take her to the pediatric ophthalmologist, do our yearly checkup, she'll get some glasses if needed, and we'll go on with our life. They never thought or even entertained the idea that it would be a major problem that it would lead to blindness. It was just, oh, let's get her some glasses and move on with life.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Oh, wow. I got chills when you said that. So they didn't even know it was like a permanent thing. Oh, no clue.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

Absolutely no clue. They just thought, oh, she's nearsighted, she's far-sighted. You know, so our friends wore cute pink glasses. Oh, you know, she'll just need a wear glasses. No, they had no idea, no hint that it would be something significant and change our whole world.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Now, when you first went to the first doctors, were they able to tell?

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Yes. And I still, as a nine-year-old, it was about a month before my ninth birthday. I still remember sitting in the doctor's office and your eyes dilated, and you read the, you know, the biggie and the all the letters on the chart. I did all that. And when he shined the light in my eye, he just rolled back from me and just looked directly over at my mom and just said, There's a major problem going on with her retinas. And I have to refer you to a retina specialist. And my mom's exact response was, okay, Aaron, you know, she's obviously in school. Let's just schedule it for maybe sometime during the holiday break at Christmas, around the December, because we've got our summer plans, right? And he said, No, don't think you understand. I need to work you in because she needs to see a specialist now. Call your husband, get him to meet you. You're not gonna eat lunch, go straight to his office. He'll work you in during his lunch break. So, what my parents assumed was just a routine get her a pair of glasses appointment turned into that life-changing news of no, there's a major problem going on with her retinas. We have to address this immediately. So that led to a whole summer of doctor's appointments where I ended up with a doctor in Emory in Atlanta, a retinal pediatric retinal specialist. That she became the doctor I would see from then on out. And then that's when she was able to say, yes, there is a major problem going on with her retinas. We can't give you any timeline. We can tell you she's going to lose her sight. We think it'll be a 40 or a 60. So again, even at the end of the summer, there was no timeline that I would be a teenager. There was no prediction or hint that hey, she's going to lose all her sight very quickly. It was down the road. How was that for you at the time? Do you remember? I do remember, and this is absolutely hilarious. So in my nine-year-old mind, my reaction was, I can see now, so I'm always gonna see. What are these people worried about? I literally left the doctor's office, and I'm not exaggerating, I still remember this very well. We're in the parking lot, and so this is Atlanta, so it's hot, humid at the beginning of August. So a parking lot in Emory University, super, super bright and steamy. And I looked at my parents right as we got to our car and I said, Okay, well, on the way home, can we stop by Starbucks and can I get a PhD? Like I was happy, I was excited to leave the doctor's office and go to Starbucks. My parents were just in shock and um and were just trying to remember what kind of car they drove to Atlanta or like their whole world had just flashed before them because they could emotionally, cognitively, mentally process the news they just received. Oh, my mind as a nine-year-old could process. I mean, cognitively, I heard the news and I could understand that, but mentally, emotionally, all I could process is, well, that's in the future. We don't need to worry about that. I can see also what you guys are worried about. So that was my reaction. My reaction was not their reaction of grasping what was how my world was about to change.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Wow.

School Accommodations Braille And Tech

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Now, how did that change how school was for you?

SPEAKER_03 12:19

The only changes were I started to use large print and I started to learn how to read real, even though I didn't need it at that time. They just started thankfully preparing me. School dramatically changed at the end of middle school when that's when I went from being able to see large print and using magnifier and that being fine to I can't even do that. I need braille full time. It's either braille or books on tape, having tests read to me, all of that. So the end of middle school and all of high school look drastically different because of the combinations that I need. So, for example, in high school, I didn't go to PE in art class. I didn't do any of the extracurricular classes. During that time, I met with a teacher who would teach me how to look use a software that would make the computer accessible. Or I would meet with that same teacher and then she would take all my work and put it into Braille. I would work on my work that obviously took me longer to do that I wouldn't be able to finish in that class period. So school is different because I had to learn how to adapt and adjust and learn what resources I needed.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

That makes sense. Now, you said braille. You put it into what is that?

SPEAKER_03 13:48

So once I was not able to read large print anymore, then I started using braille books. So rather than my books being in print, my books were in braille. So then I would learn to read braille with my finger, just like this, learning print, learning the alphabet, to feel the alphabet in Braille, and then learning to read different words. Now I don't use braille much at all because of technology. Technology is so increased that everything's done on the computer. And so thankfully, with technology, I don't use braille much at all.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

I didn't even know what that was. That's cool though, that you had that as an option, like being able to use other senses, you know? Right. And how was that woken with that teacher? Do you feel like she helped you?

SPEAKER_03 14:46

The hardest part was not the learning braille or learning computer software or you know, taking extra time on tests or assignments. That

Grief Anxiety And Wanting Normal

SPEAKER_03 14:57

was difficult. What was the hardest part? Was the emotional component. Because as I'm in high school, all I wanted to be was like all the other people in high school. I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to be labeled, you know, the blind girl, disabled, whatever. I just wanted to be normal. So the hardest part was not the adapting and adjusting physically. It was the mindset.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

I get that even more so in high school. None of us want to be that that different kid, that kid who has any sort of thing that makes us stand out from the crowd. Yeah. Right. So what would you say your mindset was in high school?

SPEAKER_03 15:48

So in high school, first it was denial. But the denial did not last. What did last for throughout high school and even into college was the deep anxiety and depression, and that came from the grief. The grief of, yes, clearly losing my vision, but also just grieving what we just talked about, grieving that normal light, that normal teenage experience. So it at one time I was grieving two major losses, that normalcy, and then also grieving just losing my vision, knowing how easy life was with sight, and now not having that sight. So knowing what I was losing, what I was missing. So that's what led to the anxiety, the panic attacks, the deep depression, because I was grieving two incredibly significant parts of teenage life at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

That makes a lot of sense. Even besides this diagnosis and this experience that you're now living, you're grieving what you couldn't live.

unknown 17:08

Right.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

100%.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

I'm curious.

When You Feel Invisible

SPEAKER_02 17:11

How are the other kids to you?

SPEAKER_03 17:15

So remember, Lu, and I'm only saying this to the context. Remember where I said I grew up. So growing up in the deep sow, the gift was everybody knew everybody. Right? Like my close friends, not only have they been my close friends since kind of ordered, her parents grew up together. So there's this deep fabric of foundation. So I say that, share. My close friends thankfully remained my close friends because they knew me forever. It wasn't like we were just becoming friends, they knew me truly, literally, since kindergarten since we could both walk, you know. And our parents knew each other. So because there was that deep foundation, I had the gift of my friends, they were my close friends. That was a gift. They responded well because they knew me as Laura. They didn't just know me as like a girl in high school. What was incredibly difficult is those people that I was just meeting in high school. You know, they went out of their middle schools. We didn't grow up together. How they treated me was I became invisible. A lot of people instantly assume, oh yeah, you were bullied. It was not bullying, it was I was invisible. So we could have a conversation at the lunch table, and it could be two of my close friends and one friend that I didn't know as well. And they literally wouldn't address me. I would say something and they would talk over me. Or even when I would speak to them, they would just not even acknowledge I spoke, just talk to the other two friends. So it was deep, deep. Just I was invisible. How was that to deal with? That said to me, You are not worthy. You are not enough.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Wow. How did you shift to not not feeling that way anymore?

Building Self-Compassion And Support

SPEAKER_02 19:29

That took years.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

The way that I shifted was focusing on the support around me, the people around me that did believe in me, that did show me through their actions, you are worthy. Focusing on those people to carry me through what I didn't think I was worth. And then eventually getting to that point of developing self-compassion. And that's what I want everyone listening to our conversation to take away when you have others saying you're not worthy, you're not enough. We eventually have to get to that place where we know and trust and believe in ourselves, we are enough. And so developing that deep compassion, that deep self-compassion for me only came because I first had others that said you are worthy. Not everyone. So now when someone doesn't speak to me, when they do ignore me, which still happens all the time in so many different situations, I'm able to say, okay, they did not acknowledge my presence, yet I still believe in me. I still know I'm worthy. I still know I'm enough.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

That's very powerful. That's great that you're able to do that now, Laura. I think that makes a lot of sense that you mention having even one other person that tells you that you are and makes you feel worthy.

unknown 21:41

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

You hit the nail on the head, you know, when they didn't directly say to you, you're not worthy, you're not enough. It was just the ignoring, the the saying nothing to you, the talking over you. And I think sometimes that happens to us, you know, even if it's a different circle. Circumstance, people might not be saying to us directly, you're not enough. But the other things they say or their actions might be showing us that's how they feel. They're saying it through their actions. I agree. And sometimes that's almost worse.

SPEAKER_03 22:15

Oh my gosh. Um, thank you for saying that. I agree. It's almost like if I could go back and I could choose, I almost wish they said to me, like, oh, what are you talking about? Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. Like, or I wish they would have said something that would have been better. Thank you for saying that. I totally agree. Yeah. Looking back, if I could, I mean, if I don't want to do it over, but if I had to, uh yeah, I almost wish I would have said something. Because that would have given me that little morph of like, well, maybe I'm kind of sort of enough. That would have given me like a foot in the door. Yeah, you're a thousand percent right. I agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

That's so tough, Laura.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

It is so tough.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

Now, after high school, what did life look like for you from there?

SPEAKER_03 23:04

So

College Healing Through Belonging

SPEAKER_03 23:05

I went to Arizona State and I majored in psychology. And the reason that I majored in psychology was because I was just through my own personal experience fascinated by how our mind works and how we heal from major trauma. Because also college was deeply healing for me because going to ASU, I was not the only blind person on campus. I was not the only person with a guide dog. I was not the only person just with a disability in general. I was just another student on campus. And that normalcy was deeply healing. That's what taught me to begin the process of being comfortable in my own skin again. Because in Spanish class, I was just another kid in the Spanish class. In calculus, I was just another kid in the calculus class. It was so deeply healing to be in an environment where I was just me and they focused more on me as a person rather than, oh my God, you're blind. So that was deeply healing and contributed to my desire to go into psychology.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

I bet that was like a breath of fresh air.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

Literally. Yes. I literally could breathe easier.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

I mean, very literal.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

I bet. Because you got to feel that normal experience.

unknown 24:34

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

Yeah. Like when someone in my dorm or in a classroom that I've talked to or whatever is like, oh, hey, you want to come to this party on Friday night? Or okay, you want to come to this event? It was like, hey, I'm just a normal teenager. Okay. I'm just another freshman or junior, or you know, whatever. So yeah, you're right. It was literally a breath of fresh air.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

That's amazing. So you enjoyed your time at Arizona State? Oh, loved it. It was so healing. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

Post-college. Where did you

Advocacy And Asking For Needs

SPEAKER_03 25:07

go? So post-college, then I did a Master of Divinity at Princeton. And the reason I did the Master of Divinity is because I was fascinated again by how our mind heals as we go through losses, we go through trauma, because I realized from my own personal experience, healing was not just psychological. Healing was a mind, body, spirit connection. So I want to study academically how we heal spiritually, mentally, emotionally, cognitively, all connected, all intertwined. One was not separated from the other. They were all connected. So that was the reason for going into the divinity. And I just want to share that experience was so completely different in college, where college was healing because I was not the only one. Grasgull was healing because I was the only one, but that told me how to advocate for myself. And so I just want to provide that resource to everyone listening. There becomes a point when we've experienced trauma and loss, and when we're regaining that confidence and being comfortable in our own skin to know how to advocate for our needs. And it's not that screaming, demanding, it's not that just being loud for the sake of being loud. It's being able to say, I need double time on my test because using the screen reader takes me twice as long. So it's learning how to communicate our needs and why we need those needs so others can meet our needs. So it's not assuming, hey, I know my professors instantly know what I need as a student who's blind. It's no, it's me being proactive and saying, hey, professor, this is the need I have, and this is how I need you to meet it. So I just want to give that power, that permission to everyone listening. There's deep healing and learning how to advocate and know what we need and why we need it.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

I bet that made a big difference for you, even like comparing back to high school to that experience in your masters, being able to advocate what you needed.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

And that's an experience. What that also taught me that I want to remind and show everyone through my experience, there's so much in life we cannot control.

Mindfulness And Controlling Your Response

SPEAKER_03 27:49

Yet, what we can control is our mindset. I could not control, I was going blind. Everyone listening cannot control our circumstances, the trauma, the loss, the difficulty, the adversity. What we each can control is our mindset and our response to what is happening to us. So that's the power of our mindset, and that's the power of you and I connecting today, is that's what we can control.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

When did you discover that that you can control circumstances and your mindset?

SPEAKER_03 28:29

It was in that's a great question. It was in time in Princeton, and it was honestly through a course I took in mindfulness. Because again, I thought I couldn't control the anxiety, I couldn't control the depression, I couldn't control even my breath. And that course, learning about mindfulness, taught me that I can't control my thoughts. And so that's when I learned, oh, I do have control over this anxiety. Yes, I'm still gonna feel anxious, yet I have control over how I respond to it. So again, I don't want to paint the picture because absolutely was not this like manual or a woke up. What is it? Okay, works control. But it was a series of steps when I learned I can control how I respond. Yes, I will still have anxiety, yet I can control what I do with things, and that was deeply healing because it gave me some sense of control in my life.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

That makes a lot of sense. Did life start to shift for you after that experience?

SPEAKER_03 29:46

Completely, because it gave me empower, it gave me something to focus on rather than just thinking, oh, I'm just out of control, and I can't control this anxiety, depression, grief. I can't control it at all. I can control my thoughts, my emotions.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

No, I'm curious how grit and gratitude helps you throughout all of this.

Defining Grit And Real Gratitude

SPEAKER_03 30:14

So grit helped me in the perspective of first, I want to define how I describe grit, and that'll make it obvious how it helped me. So I define grit and I speak on this and work with people on grit is having that courage, that tenacity, that grittiness to acknowledge our pain, to validate our pain, and then still choose to move forward. So grit is not just sweep it under the rug, get over it, suck it up, move on, don't share your feelings. It's acknowledge anxiety and still choose to send that email and make that phone call when we feel anxious. So for me, it looks like acknowledging feeling, yes, I'm deeply panicked right now. Yes, I feel like I can't get my next breath. I choose to sit in this anxiety and then try to take that next breath. So again, it's validating our emotions and then choosing to move forward, even when it's not easy, even when it doesn't feel perfect. So that's the grit part. The gratitude is recognizing what we're thankful for and appreciated that helps us navigate through life. So gratitude is not the positivity, Pollyanna, happy, smiley, use gratitude to cover up our pain. Gratitude is acknowledging in the panic attack, in the depression, what am I grateful for that helped me get through that panic attack? Through that depression.

SPEAKER_02 31:54

What you're grateful for that helped you get through it. Okay, I like that perspective. Now, what was some of if you don't mind me asking, even one of the things you were grateful that helped you get through it?

SPEAKER_03 32:12

So I was deeply, deeply, deeply grateful for my parents that taught me, but yes, I'm so overwhelmed by the future, and yes, all the questions I'm asking is real. What all I have to do today is focus on this moment. Getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, getting to school on time, that's an accomplishment for the day. So focusing on the moment rather than being so overwhelmed by the future. I was deeply grateful for that. I was deeply, deeply, deeply grateful. Not in the moment, but looking back, I was deeply grateful for that brother who's five years older, who continue to treat me normal, like that just annoying little baby sister. In the midst of all I was going through, because that told me, Laura, you're still you. You're still that annoying little sister, even though you're losing your side. I was deeply, deeply grateful to receive a guide dog. No, I wasn't grateful to need a guide dog, yet I was grateful to have a guide dog to help me navigate this world. And even now, years later, as I've been practicing grit and practicing gratitude every single day, some days my gratitude looks like I am this day was hard and I'm so grateful the day's over. So I want to make it very clear. It's not again being happy, cheerful, joyful, excited, and covering up our pain. It's acknowledging, okay, this day was really, really hard. I barely survived this day. I'm grateful that it's over. I'm grateful that tomorrow is a new day. I'm grateful that I get to lay down and try to go to sleep. So it's not always, I'm grateful for this and that in my list of 24 things. It's just being grateful the day's over. Grateful that I survived the day, grateful for that piece of chocolate, grateful for whatever it is, big, small, just that reframe that helps me not to focus on the anxiety, the depression, to reframe the mindset of gratitude.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

I love that perspective shift, even if it's a bad day for whatever the reason. Like you're grateful the day's over. You're grateful you get to lay in bed. I love that. Was there something that helped you have gratitude over something small like that?

Training Gratitude On Small Moments

SPEAKER_03 34:49

What first started that this whole gratitude perspective was a conversation that I had with a mentor in high school. And I don't remember what we were specifically talking about one day, but she said, what I do remember is she said, Laura, I want you to develop a grind a mindset of gratitude. And every day I want you to be focused on three things that you're grateful for at the end of the day, not for family, friends, shelter, but very specific from that day. And so her teaching me that forced me each day to think about, okay, what am I grateful for from today? So that's what got me in the perspective of okay, what's those small things that I'm grateful for? The sunshine, the birds, the fresh air, the rain today. Because every day you can't say family fruit shelter, right? You have to get very specific. So her asking that forced me to develop this mindset where now, no, I don't end these chasing. Okay, I gotta think of three things I've great before. But now, just throughout the day, I think of things. So when I feel the sunshine, I just, oh, I'm grateful for that. I'm excited, you know, I'm grateful that I can experience that. And so I just notice and recognize as things in life happen, but again, that's after years of practicing gratitude. That's not instant, that didn't happen right away. But yes, to answer your question, how am I wearing the small moments of gratitude? It's because she invited me to think about those things from each day, not just overall family food shelter.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

I love that. A woman I read a few books on had talked a lot about that as well, things you're grateful for from within the last 24 hours. Because a lot of times it's kind of easy to come up with the big things, you know. Big things. Very easy. I'm grateful for my parents. Those kind of come quickly, and it almost forces us in a way to like be more present. It absolutely does, and remember more about our day, right? Just be more aware. Even the little things that you might not have normally appreciated. Somebody holding a door for you. It could be something little, right?

SPEAKER_03 37:16

And so that's what I just want to encourage everyone that even in the midst of trauma, whether things are going good or bad, or just every day, just mundane, focus on the gratitude because that gives us strength. That gives us strength to navigate through the day regardless of the circumstances.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

I completely agree. Now, I'm curious, you've mentioned coagus a lot. What how would you define coagus?

SPEAKER_03 37:52

Having that inner strength to have self-compassion, and the way we have self-compassion is again acknowledging the hard, validating the hard, and then still choosing to move forward. So again, when I'm feeling panicked, not just saying, oh, self, get over it. I gotta be strong, I gotta be courageous, move on. That's courage. No, Brad is saying, okay, self, I'm really panicked right now. I'm really about to have this deep panic attack. I hardly can get this next breath. I'll validate those feelings, I validate that pain, and I choose to have the courage to do what I need to do to help myself through this panic attack so I can keep going. Wow. So again, courage is not, oh, I gotta be strong, I gotta ignore the pain and swallow that the feeling. It's acknowledging the feeling, validating the feeling, and choosing to have the tenacity, the strength to move forward.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

I love how you mentioned validating it and acknowledging it, not just brushing it aside or passing it by. Now I'm curious, and I am sure you've had many of these, but I'm curious what you would say your biggest or one of your biggest aha moments was that you had in your life.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

The biggest aha absolutely have is realizing the inner strength we all possess. Countless people have said to me, I don't know how you do it, you have such incredible strength. You're superwoman, you're amazing, you're inspirational. And my exact response is if you were forced, you would have the strength too. Yeah, I don't have some amazing superwoman strength that only I have. I'm just having to tap into the human spirit in a deeper way than most people are having to tap into. So the aha has been we're each stronger and more courageous than we realize or that we believe.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

I'm sure you've heard from a lot of people about that you're strong and you're courageous and superwoman. But that makes so much sense. How you simply said it. Like if somebody else was forced to deal with that, they would. They would. They wouldn't have a choice. Essentially. That's not me to live.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

I mean, I guess your choice is obviously not to live. If you choose like, you have to, right? When I was a teenager, so many people would say to my parents, uh, I don't know how you're doing it, I don't know how you're parenting raising that child. I just I don't, you have such incredible strength. I don't know how you're doing it. And my parents' response was the same. If you just were told your child was going blind, and then again you want her to laugh, you would do the same thing we're doing. We're not heroic parents. We're tapping into a strength that we didn't know we had. And my mom even says several years before I was diagnosed, you know, only several years, because it's enough that she vividly remembers this. She was flipping through a magazine doctor's office while waiting in the waiting room. And there was an article about a man who was blind. And I don't remember if the article was about his guide dog, or I don't remember what the article was about. But she said, I just very vividly remember shaking my head and just saying, Oh, I don't know how he could do it. I could never do that. And then a few years later, she's doing it wrong. Yeah, okay, I'm raising you. So again, I say that to say we don't realize the strength we have until we're forced with the trauma of the adversity, the great, the loss that we have to have that inner strength. And we will find a way to figure it out and when find a way. And so that's my encouragement to everyone listening. You have the strength. You are enough. You are worthy. Your gifts are needed and matter to this world. So it's not a question of, am I worthy? Am I enough? Do I have gifts? The question is, how do I tap into those gifts? How do I develop the self-compassion to know and believe that I'm worthy, that I'm enough? Because it's not am I, it's how do I find it? How do I live into it?

SPEAKER_02 42:58

Wow, Laura, I never thought about it like that, but it's so true. You know, any people that we hear about or that we know go through any of these big traumatic changes, so often so many of us think I'd never be able to handle fill in the blank. But it's like if you were forced to, whether it's cancer or whatever have you, you would. You would.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

And the thing you wouldn't even realize you're doing it. You still wouldn't even realize you're popping up that strength, right? It just, yeah, we all possess it. That's the power, that's the gift, that's the hope. That gives me so much hope of knowing I do have that strength. I just step into it.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

Now, I'm curious what advice you have for people going through a big unexpected change.

Validate Your Pain To Heal

SPEAKER_03 43:57

My very first advice. Is validate your pain. Validate your pain. And the reason I say that is from my own lived experience and from the people that I've worked with. We want to, as soon as the situation happens, we want to jump to the end solution and say, let me get there. So for me, I want to say, okay, how do I live life as my person? How do I go to college? How do I become a professional? How do I, how do I, how do I? And you never stop to say, wow, this is painful, this is overwhelming. This makes me depressed. This makes me grieve. I need help. How am I going to do this? And here's the gift acknowledging the pain then gives you the strength. Because when I was jumping to that, how do I go to college? How do I live? Why do I do all this? Blah blah blah, I'm not stopping to validate the pain and then the validity of my situation because it's too hard. It feels too hard. And I feel like if I acknowledge and validate the anxiety will solve me from life. And for the rest of my life, I'll be an extremely anxious person. Yet when I stop to validate, my feelings actually get easier. And then I'm empowered to move forward. Every person that I've worked with, once they validate their pain, the healing comes quickly. It's when they resist feeling what they feel that the healing is slower. So say all that to say whatever adversity, pain, grief you're going through, please validate yourself. This is really hard. I wasn't expecting this. I don't want this. I don't like this. This is not what I thought would happen in the course of my life. Validating our reality gives us then power to move forward. We got to feel it to heal it.

unknown 46:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 46:10

Perfect. Rewind. I'm more rewind to listen to a million times. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

We have to feel it to heal it. Have you heard that that saying before? Yes. It's true though, you know?

SPEAKER_03 46:24

Not just a cliche.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

So many, everything in life, even like those small little things, and I don't even want to say that anything small, but like the things that we think aren't like a quote unquote like big change or big even if we don't consider it a trauma, if it's something that bothers us or upsets us, like acknowledging that. We don't have to stay stuck in it, but not just bypassing how we feel about something. Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 46:57

That was what helped you the most? No, it did. Because then it gave me control. Once I acknowledge what I was feeling, I could say, oh yeah, that is why I'm so sad. Oh yeah, that is why I'm so angry. Oh yeah, that is so why I'm so resistant. And then I could what you were saying, I could feel it and then do something about it.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

Now, I'm curious what your mindset around all of this is today, present day.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

My

Daily Practices That Keep You Steady

SPEAKER_03 47:29

mindset now is constantly living in the balance of both the grit and the gratitude. So, yes, I'm adjusted. Yes, I'm adapted to life without sight, yet I still live in a world that's completely excited without sight. So that brings challenges and difficulty every single day. So those daily practices I have of mindfulness and gratitude and exercise all contribute to that healing mindset of helping me cope and navigate through. So that when I do have those moments where I'm just overwhelmed with the sadness or overwhelmed with the anger, overwhelmed with just the tears or whatever the feeling might be, I can instantly tap into those resources of the gratitude, the mindfulness, the courage. So the anxiety, the feeling, whatever doesn't just swallow me and say, oh no, I'm gonna spend the rest of the day in this deep anxiety. I can say, okay, let me go in the bathroom, ball my eyes out, drink some water, and keep going. I have the resources now to deal and cope with that anxiety. The anxiety does not have control over me. Does that make sense? About it's not anywhere anxiety, I never have depression, whatever. It's not the absence of difficulty. It's that I've cultivated the mindset that helps me work through the difficulty.

SPEAKER_02 49:07

Yeah, that makes complete sense. And you have resources now to help you through it. I'm curious, kind of transitioning back, a tad. You mentioned you s started losing your sight at nine. How old were you when it was fully gone? Late teenage years, like into high school. It makes so much sense, everything you you mentioned about how people would figure it out, even like your mom in the doctor's office. I think so many of us think that for these different illnesses, that like we wouldn't be able to handle it, or we wouldn't be able to handle it if it happened to our loved one. Like, what would we do? But we'd face it. We'd face it with adversity, or maybe even not adversity at verse, but we'd face it.

SPEAKER_03 50:03

And that's where that strength comes out that you you mean all of us. We don't even know we are until we need it.

SPEAKER_02 50:12

Until we need it, right.

Writing The Book To Get It Out

SPEAKER_02 50:16

Now, transitioning a tad, you're also an author. Now, did you always think you would write a book? Oh no, never. That's something I ask every author. I'm always so curious. Like, was it always something like in the even in a little bit in the back of your mind?

SPEAKER_03 50:35

Oh, never. I loved math and numbers, not literature and English and sentence structure. And so no, but it just again and again, people were saying, Oh, you've got to write your story. You've got to write your story. And I just, no, no, no, I'm not alright, I'm not alright. No, I don't want to do that. No, it sounds terrible. And one week, I had three powerful mentors in my life who did not know each other at all. There was no connection. These three people did not know each other in the same week. They were like, Laura, it's time to write your book. Laura, it's time to write your book. Laura, it's time to write your book. So they didn't know, it wasn't like they were tag teaming, like they didn't know each other. So they didn't know the other person was saying it. And so it was then I was like, okay, it's time to write my book. And so I wrote it as a resource for people going through trauma, going through loss, going through adversity to have a guide, not to have a one, two, three self-help book, but rather to have a resource, a guide that they could pick up, whatever the adversity was, and have those resources of grit and have those resources of gratitude they could lean on and depend on and use as they navigate through life. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 51:59

Now, approximately how long ago did you write the book? So the book was published in 2016. Oh wow, a decade ago. Yeah. It's been a long time since you vote that.

SPEAKER_03 52:13

It's been a long time. No, I'm not writing a same book. And you would never. Well, I shouldn't say every. Most authors I've talked to, we all say the same thing. If I knew how hard the first book was going to be, I never would have read that. And that's totally my reaction. Now that I know how hard it is, wow, that's really hard and a lot of work. It sounds romantic. I'm an author. Oh, I'm gonna lock myself in a cabinet and write. It sounds romantic. No, it's not, it's painful. The editing process with the editor, with the publisher is deeply, is deeply hard. So it was a lot of work. I have no desire to write another one. No desire? No. I want to speak on it. I don't want to write on it. I will speak on it all day long.

SPEAKER_02 53:14

Oh my gosh. If you could go back in time, would you still write the book?

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Yes. It was deeply healing to get it all out on paper. Just get it. Well, not just say out on paper. It was deeply healing to get it out of my body. Yeah, I didn't realize the healing resource out of me. So it's been healing to get it out of my body, and it's been healing to learn how other people in so many different situations have used these resources.

SPEAKER_02 53:45

That makes so much sense about it being in your body. People even talk about like journaling, even if it's stuff you wouldn't put in a book, which I know is very different, but it's getting it out of us.

SPEAKER_03 53:57

I'm so glad you said that about journaling. Yes, I just encourage anyone. It doesn't have to be a book. Just write your thoughts. And there's so much power in just writing it. What's how a therapist said, just write letters. Write letters to your younger self, write letters to whoever, even if it's not a specific person, just write letters about how you feel. And that is so deeply healing to get it out.

SPEAKER_02 54:25

I like the idea about writing letters to people because I've even worked with some clients who have mentioned to me not knowing what to write when journaling. Right. Where do we start? So I like the letter to somebody, even if it's somebody you know, or even if it's a fictional person.

SPEAKER_03 54:43

Even uh seriously, that is sometimes deeply healing if it's a fictional person to you can just kind of make up who you want to make up. Yeah, it's it's that's deeply healing to again just get it out and let all your thoughts out.

SPEAKER_02 54:57

I completely agree, Laura. That's amazing, though. I'm glad that you vote the book, even though it was challenging. Did anything help you be able to write the book?

SPEAKER_03 55:10

Having accountability really helped me with the book. So having someone who every week they're like, okay, on Friday, I want your weekly check-in. Like, how much did you write this week? Having that accountability part is also like, wow, you didn't tell me how hard this is gonna be, or this is really hard, and just say, I know, and keep going. Or to write a chapter and you know, call that person, like, oh my gosh, I feel so much better after getting that out. They're like, I know. So again, just have the accountability to share the good, the bad of the writing process.

SPEAKER_02 55:46

That accountability. Whenever we're looking to achieve something in our lives, something new is so key to have that little extra push of like encouragement, especially when it gets more difficult. Right, right. Well, that even more so those certain days that you really just don't feel like writing.

unknown 56:06

Right.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

But I feel like you're less likely gonna want to be able to say on Friday that you have nothing but in.

SPEAKER_03 56:11

I wouldn't want to say that exactly, exactly. I'm too dry pay for that. So, yeah, this though passed me on Friday, right?

SPEAKER_02 56:20

So, yes, it just gave me the courage to write. I love that suggestion. How long did it take you to write the book?

SPEAKER_03 56:30

It was a year process, and that included me writing because they're kind of two different stages. There's one stage where you just get all your thoughts out on paper, the original manuscripts, and then there's that long process of when you're going through the editor chapter by chapter. So the whole process took about a year of getting the manuscript out and then also going through that process with the editor. I feel like that's kind of quick. Oh, that's very quick. That's very quick, very, very quick.

SPEAKER_02 57:05

I haven't written a book, so I don't fully know, but I feel that's quick. That's very quick.

SPEAKER_03 57:11

Yes, it is. It's very quick. I said I was type A person. Even though you didn't want to be writing it, right? It was like once I got started, it was so healing to get it out. I was hungry for people to gain the resources that I gained from gr grit and gratitude. So I wanted to get it out in the world. Makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 57:35

Is there anybody specific you'd say the book is for?

SPEAKER_03 57:40

Not a specific type of loss, just any major loss that changes our course of where we thought we were going or unexpected change.

SPEAKER_02 57:52

Any loss or unexpected change? That's amazing, Laura. Good for you on getting it done so quickly, too.

Speaking And Coaching Through Change

SPEAKER_02 58:01

No, you founded an organization as well that provides speaking and coaching to empower people.

SPEAKER_03 58:11

So, my mission, my goal is also the same as the book. It's to speak and coach people on how to use these resources of grit and gratitude as they navigate through change. So that change doesn't just stop us, prevent us from moving forward, but how do we apply the grit? And how do we apply the gratitude when navigating through change? How do you help people with the speaking? So, with the speaking specifically, I'm working with organizations who are going through a specific change. And once obviously I know what that changes, I tailor my speaking to that specific change. So, yes, I tell my story, and yes, I weave the grit and gratitude through my personal examples, but I also tailor it to that organization on this is the change you're going through. So here's what the grit would look like, and here's what the gratitude will look like that you can apply to this specific change. And then all the coaching one-on-one level, it again looks like are you going through injury? Are you going through a death loss, a non-death loss? Whatever that change is, how do we apply the grit and the gratitude specifically to your situation? How long have you been doing that? So the book came out in 2016, which is when I founded the organization and started my speaking. So it's been an ongoing just process with the book, the coaching, the speaking, since 2016.

SPEAKER_02 59:53

Wow, for a decade. And you did it before COVID. Yes, that's before during and after, right? Did you just so many people like feel like wrote their book during COVID? Not that that's a bad thing. It it's a little more impressive that you wrote a book pre-COVID. Pre-COVID. That is so you know, like everybody's like, it's a book during COVID because I have like nothing else to do during COVID, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:24

I love how how much effort you're putting into help people with what you experienced.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:31

That is my goal, that's my mission, that is my passion. That's what drives me every day.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:37

Absolutely loved speaking with you.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:39

Thank you so much. Thank you for this platform, and thank you for just creating this conversation to provide those resources. So we're all gonna experience change. So it's not are we gonna experience change, it's how are we gonna respond to that and develop that mindset that helps us navigate through change.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

That is so true that we will all experience change, multiple changes throughout our lives. Like nothing stays the same forever, no matter what it is. Now,

Fast Questions On Identity And Legacy

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty? Yes. I'm a big fan of his. He hosts a podcast called On Purpose, and he ends his podcast with two segments, and I've borrowed those two segments, and I end Meander's mindset with those two segments as well. First segment is the many sides to us, and those five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each. What is one word someone who is meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as? Strong. What is one word someone who knows you well would use to describe you as courageous? What is one word you'd use to describe yourself? Courageous.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:07

Do you have a different one? I mean, that's it in my core. I very much describe strength. When I said strong, that's very different to me. I perceive it, and those in my closest circle understand it's deep courage. My only other word, phrase would be self-compassion.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:30

What is one word that if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset would use to describe you as?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:46

I don't want to narrow this down.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:52

What is one word you're trying to embody right now? Would have definitely gracious. Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in a sentence. What is the best advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:11

You have permission to grieve.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:15

Why was that the best advice?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:18

Because I thought grieving was a specific time frame. I grieved, checked that box, then I could move forward. But when someone said to me, I give you permission to continually grieve, I realized grieving was not in a box with a specific time frame. It was an ongoing process throughout human existence.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:40

What is the worst advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:44

Get over it.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:47

Why is that the worst?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:49

Because that is not validating the pain and the reality of the situation. So many people just said, get over it, move on, suck it up. That was the worst advice I could receive because that was saying your pain doesn't matter. Swallow your emotions.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:08

What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:13

Everything. Oh my gosh. That's hard. I used to value I used to put so much value in the clothes, the jewelry, the what do I okay, if I had to boil it down, I used to deeply value what do others think about me rather than valuing how I view and love and treat and respect myself.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:46

If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:56

I would definitely want to, what I would want the legacy to be to give to others is know that you're enough. You as you are is enough. Because when we go through trauma, when we go through adversity, when we go through loss, I've experienced in my own life, and those I've worked with, we think we're not enough because we think the trauma, the difficulty, the diversity makes us less. So if I could leave the legacy that no, to be able to teach people, to empower people, then in all situations, we are worthy. We are enough. Learn to love yourself. Because when we love ourselves, we then treat others with that love and compassion and respect.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:08

Thank you so much, Laura.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:10

I really, really enjoyed this. Thank you for the opportunity and just creating this platform. And I love, love just the emphasis on the mindset and how we can develop that mindset as we move forward. Because there's so much in our mind we can control when there's so much outside of us we cannot control.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:34

So true.

Closing Thoughts And Listener Requests

SPEAKER_02 1:06:36

I will link you a website in the show notes. Are you active on any social media if anybody wants to connect?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:43

Yes, so I'm active on LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:46

I will link that as well. Anything else you want to share with the listeners? No pressure.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:53

Just in closing, the whole thread of this conversation has been tap into that strength of what we can't control. And that strength of what we can't control is our mindset.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:10

Thank you, Flora, and thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mander's Mindset. In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you. I'm voting for you. And you got that. As always, if you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five store rating, leave a review, and share with anyone you think would benefit from that. And don't forget, you are only one nine step just away from shifting your light. Thanks guys, until next time.