M is officially BACK! Today, I'll answer the question... If I'm an addict, can I still put myself in situations where there is drinking (and maybe even drugs?) BONUS: Even if you aren't an addict, maybe you don't want to drink on a given night but still want to go out. Can you still have fun? (Spoiler - yes.)
M is officially BACK! Today, I'll answer the question... If I'm an addict, can I still put myself in situations where there is drinking (and maybe even drugs?) BONUS: Even if you aren't an addict, maybe you don't want to drink on a given night but still want to go out. Can you still have fun? (Spoiler - yes.)
And his bag back again. And Ms. Back. Tell a friend. M is back. I am his back and his back and his back and his back. Whew. It is good to be back. And if you're listening right now, You're probably wondering. What the hell is this? Why is I'm referencing M and M right now? And my response to that is jokes on you. I know nobody's listening anyway, so I get to do whatever I want, except for you mom. I know you're probably listening right now. Love ya. Anyways, you could probably tell that I am pretty stoked to be back on the airwaves right now. And indeed I am.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-2:Maybe he'd thought that I had already given up. Or maybe you just thought that this was actually, this is actually being used as a torture device. People get locked into a room and they're forced to listen. To episodes of my podcast, ad infinitum. And in both cases you'd be wrong. Well, I can't speak definitively to the ladder. I don't know what people are doing with this podcast. Certainly haven't given up. I actually have been gone for the last two weeks. I did a little trip to Oktoberfest. That's right. I went to Germany for about two weeks with some college friends. It was. An absolutely magical two weeks. Good to be back. And actually it inspired today's podcast.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-3:The fun part about today's podcast is this doesn't necessarily have to apply to addicts. This could be somebody who just doesn't want to go out and drink that night. Or maybe. You lost Roshambo and you are the designated driver for the night. And I'm here to tell you. That it is possible to still have a good time. When you go out with your friends who may be getting a little bit fudged up on refreshments.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-4:And this might actually be a controversial take here. That you can actually still go out. And enjoy. Being around people that are engaging. In the nefarious activities that you can no longer engage in. And I think it's going to be a real difference in kind here. And what I mean by that is. If all of your buddies were going out and doing heroin under a park bench. Then yeah. You probably can't. Go hang out with them under that park bench. This is more speaking to. Quote, unquote, normalized social activities. If your pals are going to the bar to catch the football game. Can you still go out with them? If your buddies are going on a Vegas trip and I don't know, you wanted to go and maybe do a little bit of gambling and do a little bit of dancing or go see some shows and you didn't want to engage in the drinking or whatever the hell else people do out in Vegas. I think it's possible and, When I first. Went into the rooms of narcotics anonymous. We learn pretty quickly that we need to start severing our ties. With. People that are going to encourage us to continue to use. But in my experience, The true friends, the real friends, the best friends that I've ever had. They encourage me. This talk using, when I pulled my front, I was afraid of telling my friends. That are sorry, boys. Not going to be drinking anymore. Not gonna be doing drugs anymore. They said, oh Jesus. Thank God. You're a fucking asshole. When you get drunk. Which was a little bit hard to hear, but I'm like, all right, well, At least I have some support on this journey.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-5:And my dear attics, of course, you got to know yourself. Okay. I'm not saying that every single addict out there. We can go to a bar and be okay. There's an old saying in the rooms, which is, if you go to the barber enough, eventually you're going to get a haircut. And that might be true for a lot of people. And, I can't tell you if you're going to be so tempted by bartenders, serving alcohol and people being drunk around you, that you're going to feel compelled to drink. That's something that you can only answer for yourself. And, I'd had addict friends in the past. We just couldn't do it. If they went to a bar. The pressure to drink would become so overwhelming. That they just couldn't be in the situation. And that's okay. But you got to know yourself with all the stuff I'm talking about. You got to know yourself. You can't think now. Oh, well, This jackass on a podcast named M so that it's okay for me. To go out to a bar and I'll be fine. No. No, not saying that. I'm saying. If you've had a little bit of clean time. I'm not saying on your first day clean, you should go to the bar. You should probably wait. You should probably wait at least a couple months. I'm saying after a few months clean. If you think in your heart of hearts, That you're going to be able to avoid drinking. Out in a public setting where there is drinking. Then maybe you can do it. And I'm just here today to tell you how I've been able to balance the two.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-6:So the first thing is. You really got to go out with people that. Not necessarily that know you're an addict. Sure. That can be helpful. But you got to go out with people who support the fact. That you're not drinking with the rest of them. Maybe they know your story, maybe they don't, but they respect the fact that you're not drinking. And this is helpful for two reasons. The first one is they're not going to be pushing alcohol on you. A and B. They will also kind of be looking out for you, I know when I go out and I have friends that support me on my journey. Sometimes they'll come up to me and they'll be like, Hey, everything. All right. I know everyone's getting a little messed up and just that, just a little pep talk with people that are there to support you. That can be really, really helpful for you when you're going out.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-7:When I first started going out again. Got my friend, my boys, God, I love you boys. They were all so, so supportive of me They knew that they were getting. Messed up on liquor. But they were always there for me and they were always telling me, Hey, I know we're all pretty fudged up right now. But we support you. And. Just throwing that in there to let you boys. No, I love you guys. And I miss y'all so much. Anyway, second thing that is very helpful for me is if there's an activity involved that doesn't involve drinking. For example, like. People like to play slosh ball slash malts, this stupid game. It's effectively kickball and there's beers involved. Well guess what? I can enjoy the kickball aspect of it. I don't need to go slosh myself to have a good time. Or even a more typical example. You got friends going out clubbing or going out to a bar. 90% of the time there's going to be dancing. And M don't drink, but M loves the dance. There's a dance floor. You can be sure that M brought his dancing shoes. Everyone is getting. Inebriated out there and I'll be part of those conversations. While people start drinking, I'll be there in cock with them for a bit. But once they start getting too messed up to the point where it's impossible to even have a cogent conversation with them anymore. Then the dance shoes come out and I just hit the dance floor and I just enjoy myself. And like anything in life. Like anything, it's a practice. It was really, really hard for me at first to go out. And dance, or even just hock to people at a bar while being sober, without doing any drinking. And indeed there in my friends that there lies a big part of the reason that I was probably drinking so much. It was. The deal with this crippling social anxiety issue. But like any psychologist will tell ya. The only way to overcome these anxieties without the use of drugs or alcohol is through exposure therapy. All of this to say that it's going to get easier. I go into a bar while everyone's drinking. Let me let you in on a little secret, a big reason why. People are drinking at the bar. Usually not going to speak for everybody, but a lot of people do, they just want to loosen up. Because they're anxious too. Anxiety's real. A lot of people have it. We just don't talk about it. And the more that you expose yourself to that situation of being sober. And having conversations with people that are drinking. It's going to get a little bit easier and frankly, in a lot of ways, It can actually be easier to talk to drunk people if you're like super introverted and you don't talk that much. Well, guess what? Somebody who's had three or four beverages. They're going to be doing a lot of the talking. So it actually becomes easier in a lot of ways to converse with these folks. But. It does get easier with time. Which actually leads me to another really important point about going out. If there are people. That are pressuring you to drink my, when this happened to me. My knee-jerk reaction was. Fuck you. I don't know if that's typical, but it was for me. And it just led me to get angry and that's just not good. It's not good for anybody. So if you're in a situation where you're feeling pressured, By other people to get intoxicated and you don't want to. I give you one of two options. The first one is go to your camp, go to your people that are there to support you. Second option. Get the fuck out of Dodge. Get out of there. You have no obligation to be there. You have no, you don't owe anybody an explanation for why you're leaving. If you're feeling pressured. Get yourself out of that situation, because it could be a matter of life and death, ultimately.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-8:And ultimately, even if people are pressuring you, if that little addict voice in your head, He starts coming back. He starts saying things like, Hey. You can go have one drink. You'll be fine. Or. You're not really an addict. This is going to be okay. Get out. Not worth it. That FOMO you might feel from missing. The dance night. Nope. Not worth the potential relapse. That's when you know. It's time to get out of there. And, if you have loose thoughts, it doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to never going out again. But maybe it means you need to work on your resolve a little bit more. And maybe you need to refrain from going out until you've had a little bit more clean time. That's totally. Okay. Good to know yourself.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-9:So in summary. It really just comes down to. Going out with the right kind of people. And staying close in these situations with a, the people that support you and be the people that aren't too fucked up. I mean. Even if somebody supports you and they get absolutely hammered, then they'll probably be, I don't know, they might be a little bit annoying. So that's also one of my strategies. Try to err, towards the people that aren't. Super messed up, but you can still have decent conversations with, because after a certain point that it just goes off a cliff. It's a January-ish. And if you can find other people that aren't drinking as well. That's just absolute perfection. Maybe spend some time talking to them, do a little people watching. I don't know. Sometimes it can be fun to watch. Drunk and interactions. I think it can be interesting. At the very least. And. Yeah. I don't think any of this stuff is super deep or super complex. It's pretty straight forward. You can still go out. Just know your limits. Do you have the right people, avoid the people who are encouraging you to drink and you can still have a good time. And I knew when I got clean. I had people telling me, oh, you gotta separate yourself from those friends that are drinking a lot. And I'm like guess what? 95% of my friend group, they like to enjoy a few beverages and, uh, uh, fuck. No. I am not cutting ties with the people that are absolutely the most important in my life. And now if it was somebody saying, Hey, Em, you got to get fucked up with me. If you still want me to be my friend, guess what? Just realized they're not really. One of my good friends in the first place. So it doesn't matter. Move on. Stay close to your good friends. And yeah, I think that about wraps this one up. I am super, super thrilled to be back on the air with everybody. I missed you guys. I mean, I don't know who is listening right now. So it's hard for me to say exactly who I miss. But there's something cathartic for me just talking into this microphone. Getting to speak to all of you and for the love of God, I hope I've helped somebody today. And if I haven't, maybe I made you smile. Maybe I made your cringe. I don't know. Hope that everybody has an absolutely beautiful rest of your day. And now that I'm back from the other side of the world, this is going to get a little bit more regular. This is M this is thoughts of an attic. And I'm signing off.