Thoughts of an Addict
Thoughts of an Addict
Episode 8 - He turned over his will?? Has M Lost it??
In this episode, I talk about the controversial idea of turning over your will. But it isn't as spooky as it sounds.
Good afternoon, everybody. This is M your grateful recovering addict. And this is thoughts of an addict. And I am that attic of what you will be hearing those thoughts. Hope that everybody is having an excellent day. I am sorry for the lack of podcasts lately. The next five weeks of my life are going to be f-ing insane. Going to be exploring many different places and I'm not going to be home that much. So I apologize in advanced for the two listeners that I have my mom and probably one other person in Spain, according. According to the analysis here. So thank you, mom, in person in Spain.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-2:Today's episode in theory. Could take. Maybe an hour. Depending on how you look at this issue. It could take an eternity. Because it seems. Unsolvable in some ways and highly philosophical. But guess what folks, you know, how I work, I get straight to it. And I think I'm going to be able to distill this down to actually a very brief episode. And I've been told by people. Mm, make your episodes longer. Well, I would, if I could, but I just don't have the mental real estate for that right now. So we're going to keep it brief. And where we left off on the last episode is. Whew, this whole conception of a higher power. And if you haven't listened to the last episode, episode seven, then please go do that right now. Otherwise this episode will probably not make a hell of a lot of sense. But if you're not going to heed my advice. And I'll do a really, really quick, dirty recap. Effectively in the last episode, I said that you have to select a higher power. Of course you don't have to do anything. I'm just some guy, but this is what worked for me. So selecting a higher power just involves accepting that you are fucked up right now. And accepting that there is something else out there in the universe that is not your own. Addicted fucked up mind. That's going to get you help. Okay.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-3:All right. So we've accepted that our minds are fucked. But there is something out there. That. At least we believe might be able to help us. I'm not going to guarantee to anybody right now that whatever you've selected as your higher power, that's gonna get you the help that you need. But right now, we're just saying there is conceivably something in the universe that can help me get clean. I noticed that I said in the universe. Not outside of it. We don't need some spooky, a theorial fucking. Old man in the sky type shit. Sorry to be crass, but. We don't need to exist outside of space and time we can be in the here and the now. Okay. Do I still got ya. So then we move on to step three and step three is where a lot of people absolutely close the book, leave the room, get the fuck out, go start using again, go to some other fucking programs, which they maybe that's great. If other programs are working better for you. But here's what step three says. It says that we turned our will and our life. Over to the will of God. As we understood him.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-4:And if you're anything like me, when I first read this, you might be thinking to yourself, No. What the hell is this? Turned over my will toned over my life. To the will of some God. Now. What the fuck kind of cold shit is this. I remember thinking to myself when I first read this step. I almost left. Frankly at that point in time. It's it just sounds crazy. Okay. In a vacuum, turning your will and your life over to God. It sounds like some Jonestown shit. Right? It sounds like a cult. And I promise you, it has nothing to do with that. It has nothing to do with. Anything that exists outside of the universe. It's not some crazy. Fucking. Colt. Like I need to give my soul over to a spirit. You ain't selling your soul to the devil. You ain't selling your soul to Jesus Christ. Okay. So let's take this apart now.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-5:And before diving in, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention. I'm sorry that a lot of this. Language is. It seems very religiously charged in a lot of ways. I think this is a bit of a shortcoming. Of the program that I'm in frankly, is that it's written in a lot of these terms. When. Truth be told it could be very much simplified. To meet a much more secular audience. Like many of the people I might be speaking to right now, but Hey, I digress. Not going to pick apart. This program right now. Let's just dive into what the fuck does it mean to turn your will and your life over to a God as you understand him? So really, really just distilling the shit out of this thing. Oh, but this is saying. Is the following. Yes. I acknowledged that there is likely something. In the universe. That is not my own mind. That is going to help me get clean. And yes. I am willing to accept this hell. That's it. Bada Bing, bada boom. Nothing to do with selling your soul. You are literally only accepting. The help. That you've chosen for your higher power.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-6:And if you've been with me on this journey the entire way, I really don't think. I don't think this is a hard one. Let's be quite honest, right? So in the first step we've accepted that our minds are fucked up. In the second step. We've admitted. That our minds on their own. Our minds on our own. Aren't going to fucking get us out of this. So there's gotta be something else out there. That's going to help us. The third step, just saying, yeah. You know, I'll accept that help. It's also hard. But a lot of people get hung up on this step. Because this whole turning your will in your life, this is where people double back, usually from what I've seen and they go and say, No, no, no, no, no. You know what, you know what. Fuck that turning my will over to God. I can do it on my own. And then they go back and they renege on what they said in the first step. And they say, no, no, no, no, no. You know what? I don't need outside help. I'm not powerless. And then this ends up. Re fucking them effectively. So. Please use this. My takeaway message today, please use this as an opportunity. To tell yourself. Yes. I've selected something out there in the universe that is going to help me. But more importantly, I'm willing to accept that hell.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-7:So, let me show you a little bit about what this looked like for me, when I first started getting clean. So as I mentioned in my previous PI. My higher power. That I've chosen. My God, my, whatever, the F you want to call it, doesn't matter. The thing out there that's getting me help. Is my 12 steps. Just the act of journaling. Let's leave it at that. What I've chosen in the universe that's going to help me get clean is simply the act of journaling. And it doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. Because I've admitted that I can't do it on my own. And there's something else out there that has to help me. Well, that's going to be my act of journaling. Because guess what? When I'm journaling. It does help me get out of my own head. And that's the whole point of this step is to get out of your own fucked up head. This prison. Of dark emotions and just sickness that you've created for yourself in your mind. Just a glimmer just to let something else in, let some light in there, man.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-8:And I think the reason why this is really hard for people and I'll speak for myself. Is because it requires an element of faith. And I think I mentioned in the last episode being raised Catholic, I grew to hate the idea. Of faith of taking a chance on something. Because it had failed me in the past. But this does require an act of faith because you're saying. I'm going to try something else. And I don't know, with a hundred percent certainty, if it's going to work or not. But guess what? I'll tell you. One thing that you do know for certain. That doing it on your own. Hasn't worked. So you got nothing to lose. And the great part about this whole idea of a higher power or a God. He can change. It can change all the time. Remember the last part. Of. The third step. We turned our will and our life over to the power of God as we understood him. As we understood him. You can understand him. Or her, or it. Or whatever the fudge. In any way that you want. And nobody can tell you otherwise. Your job right now is to find what out there is going to help you. And I could give you. A list of things. But my recommendation to you would be. Go find a program of any kind. And lit that your higher power, 12 steps, smart rehab, fucking some community group, your best friend, your mom. It doesn't matter. Just find somebody else. That is not your own corrupted mind. And be willing to accept their help.
Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-9:And if that higher power ain't working for you. Let's use some of my fancy schmancy business jargon here. Fail fast. Just fail fast. It's okay. It's okay. If your higher power doesn't work for you. My first firepower, the day I walked into the room with Jesus Christ. Didn't work for me. That's okay. Worked for other people. Good for them. But just try something. Anyways. I know that was quite the mouthful and hopefully I was able to distill this. Incredibly complex idea down to something very simple. I think so much of this shit. Is over complicated. I think getting clean can really be simplified. I mean, shit. This is eight episodes. It can be distilled down to fucking basic things. Right. And meet you have a problem. Admit that something can help you. And go get the help you need. And as I continue to pause, I'll talk more about what you can actually do to get help. But for right now. Like I've been saying, give yourself a break. If you're an addict and you've listened to this podcast, guess what? You're getting out of your own mind, you're listening to somebody else who's gone through and shared your same struggle. And you should be really fucking proud of yourself for that. Anyway, this is M this is thoughts of an addict. Hope everyone has an amazing blessing day and I will be with you on the next one.