447: What I Know at 45 (And What I’m Still Learning)

In this solo episode, I’m taking some time to pause, reflect, and look back on 45 years of life, growth, and learning—both on and off the run. I’m sharing the lessons that have shaped me as a runner, a coach, and a human, and the shifts that continue to guide how I show up today.

I talk about how my relationship with health and fitness has evolved over the years—from wanting to be skinny to wanting to be strong, from restriction to truly fueling my body, and from chasing outcomes to learning how to enjoy the process. I share how letting go of the need to be right has opened the door to getting it right—especially when it comes to growth, grace, and self-awareness.

This episode goes deeper than training, too. I reflect on moving from a victim mindset to taking ownership of my life, from searching for an identity to choosing one, and from constantly proving myself to trusting myself. I also get honest about the things I’m still working through—procrastination, accepting support, and caring less about other people’s opinions.

If you’re in a season of transition, questioning old patterns, or feeling called to grow into a stronger, more aligned version of yourself, this episode is for you. My hope is that my reflections encourage you to pause, reflect, and give yourself permission to evolve, without needing to have it all figured out.

Come hang out with me for a real, honest conversation that feels more like a coaching session for real life.

Thanks for being here and running this journey with me.

04:08 Embracing Strength Over Skinniness

13:04 Fueling the Body with Love

18:08 Trusting the Process Over Chasing Outcomes

24:56 From Being Right to Getting It Right

29:07 Parenting and Growth Mindset

30:57 Shifting from Victim to Leader

38:11 Choosing Your Identity

43:06 Ongoing Personal Development

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Transcript

0:01

It is my 45th birthday this week, and today I'm gonna do a solo episode and do a little bit of a reflection of some of the biggest lessons and shifts that I have made and learned in the last 45 years, which sounds insane to say y'all. And I hope that either you've already made these shifts in your life, or maybe you can find some really golden nuggets here that you'd like to take onto. This is gonna be health, wellness, fitness, running, and just life in general. So stay tuned. Welcome back to the show everybody. I am so happy to be here with you today on the week of my 45th birthday. Yes. I will tell you how old I am because I never really understood why people didn't like to tell their age, because quite frankly, the older I get the more experience and the more wisdom that I think that I have, and I, sure. I'm never gonna stop learning. I'm never gonna stop growing. And the way that I look at it now, which might be a little silly. I feel like I'm in better shape now than I was in my twenties. I'm healthier now than I was in my twenties, and I'm dang proud of that. And I'm gonna be proud to be a 45-year-old in this body that I have with the life and the mind and everything that I do have. And you know, there are pieces of me, don't get me wrong, that. We'll still say, well, but you should be farther along by now and you should have been able to achieve X, Y, or Z by now. And those are just really unhelpful thoughts. And sometimes I get stuck at them and sometimes, and then I have to kind of get out of'em. Um, I shouldn't say get stuck because I don't let myself indulge in that for a very long, but. Today I really want to talk about some of the big shifts that I've made and so much of what we do here on the podcast and here at Real Life Runners is mindset and the our thoughts and our identity and our beliefs, and because those are the things that drive everything that we do in our lives, and I've really noticed that. Especially over the past like 10 to 15 years that I've started to really dive deep into this whole world of personal development and learning about myself and my thoughts and all the things I have been able to completely transform the way that I look at myself, the way that I look at the world, and I have so much more peace, and I believe wisdom and I would love to. Share that with you because some of the things that I've been able to take on are really life-changing types of things. And then there's also some things I'm still working on and I'm gonna share those with you too, because there's things that I know intellectually that I would like to take on and that things that I, ways that I would like to live my life and believe, and I'm still working on those things. And so. This is really an episode to help you kind of see some of the different options, and then also really help you also see that I'm still working on this stuff too. Just because I'm telling you all these things doesn't mean that it's like, okay, now I'm done with that. These are things that I work on on a daily, weekly, monthly type of basis. You know, some of them I have to remind myself sometimes I'm like, oh yeah, we're not, we're not doing that anymore. Right. It's a constant evolution, and I think that's really what personal development is, is it's this constant evolution. It's not like once we believe these things, now we're just good and we're done forever. Because there's always things that are going to be coming at us from our culture and society and other people and judgments and questions that are really gonna make you think about and evaluate kind of on a constant basis what you want to believe. So let's just jump in. The first one that has been a huge shift in my life that you all have probably heard me talk about before is shifting from wanting to be skinny or wanting to make my body smaller, to wanting to be strong. And it's not that I wanna be big at this point, but I wanna be strong as heck because growing up in the eighties and the nineties, I was exposed to diet culture. So much cultural messaging that we, you know, were just, was thrown at us at such an early age, really throughout, and it's still happening today. It's not like it's gone away, but I always, when growing up, I, you know, I would say probably after the age of like 10, um, I thought I was fat. And I wanted to be skinny. I wanted to lose weight. I thought that my weight was one of the reasons that, you know, some of the boys that I liked didn't like me back or that there was, uh, you know, other things that I wasn't able to achieve or things that I wasn't able to do because I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough. And. Sometimes these messages come at us in very weird ways and very indirect ways. So my dad, he actually used to make fun of my sister and he would kind of poke fun at her and, and say, oh, you get getting a little, getting a little, uh, chubby there, or, you know, kind of pinch at her stomach. And I would watch this happen. And my sister was smaller than me. And so it was this message, and he never really said anything to me about my weight. And so in my mind as a child and as a teenager, if he's making fun of her and telling her she's fat, then what must I be? And if he's not even willing to point that out on me, then it's not even a joke because he probably just thinks I am. And so it wasn't even things that were directly said to me, but it's these ways that we. Look at the world and what's happening to people around us and absorb those messages, and who knows what my dad actually thought. I've never actually asked him that. I don't know what he thought of me and my body at that age. It doesn't matter. But I will say that that whole side of the family has always been kind of obsessed with weight. And my aunt, when I did end up losing weight and getting in really good shape. She always like, one of the first things that she said to me every time she saw me was, wow, Angela, you look so good. And that, yes, that side of the family does call me Angela because they don't know me very well. My parents got divorced when I was young, and I don't spend a lot of time with that side of the family, but that was one of the first things they always commented on my physical appearance. Appearance, and. When I became a teenager, you know, I was always strong and smart and athletic, but I was told a lot of times too that I was intimidating, that I was too much for some people. And so that really led me to kind of try to make myself smaller, um, try to really be humble and not brag over my accomplishments, even though I, I had a lot of accomplishments. I had a lot of things to be proud of as a teenager. And I wouldn't usually, like sometimes I did, sometimes I definitely, sometimes I definitely wanted people to know about those accomplishments and I made sure that they knew. But other times it was like this constant inner battle of wanting to make sure people knew that I was special or that I was. Out of the ordinary that I was ma, you know, doing really cool, amazing things and then also wanting to be humble. And it was like this really weird kind of war with inside, inside myself. And now. I realize that humility and being humble is not trying to make yourself small. It's also, it's not bragging either, but it's not trying to make yourself small. It's not downplaying your accomplishments. So now, instead of trying to shrink and make myself smaller, even though people told me that I was too much or, and you know, needed to, uh, I was a precocious child, that was another, that was another fun word that they threw at me, right. But. Now I want to allow myself to be seen. I want to take up space. I want to be proud, but there's a difference between being proud and being boastful. And so I feel like I've gotten to a place where I can really be proud of my accomplishments. Sometimes it still sneaks in, I'm not gonna lie, but not be boastful and braggadocious about it. So when I did kind of start to make this shift into try. From, from wanting to be skinny, wanting to be smaller, into really wanting to be strong. I changed the way that I looked at my body and I changed the way that I viewed. My health goals because my health goal was always to lose weight. I always wanted to lose weight. Like when you put yourself all the different apps that you download with the calorie tracker trackers and macros and whatever the goal that they ask you to put in, it was always lose weight.'cause even if I was, you know, a pretty good weight, I wanted to lose it because I wasn't small enough. And now the way I'm looking at it is. When I get stronger, when I make my body stronger, that is protection. I am protecting my body. I am choosing freedom. I'm choosing longevity because I know, especially as a physical therapist, the importance of building. Muscles and strong bones now so that I can still be independent and active when I'm 80, when I'm 90. And that's really what I'm starting to think more about is that long term. So instead of making aesthetics, my primary objective and my primary goal right now. And believe me, it's hard not to do that now, especially because skinny culture is back and it's back with a vengeance. I did an episode about this a few, few weeks ago, so go back and check that out if you haven't listened to that yet. But skinny culture is everywhere. People are just shrinking all around us, and I think it's just such a damaging narrative overall. I'm not going to, I'm not judging people individually because everybody has a different reason for. What they wanna do. And some people have legitimate health concerns that they're addressing with some of these weight loss drugs. And at the same time, I know that trying to get smaller and, and trying to shrink is not my goal anymore because I am now focusing on what I want my body to do and how I want to feel versus how it looks. And the really wild thing about this y'all, is that. When I am focusing on strength and what I can do, I am now more confident in my body in the way that it looks than I ever have been in my life. I even, Kevin's made a comment a couple weeks ago about how I just walk around the house shirtless now, you know, with just in a sports bra and shorts or pants or whatnot, and I never used to do that before. I was always very self-conscious, especially about my stomach. And now I just don't care. And I think that's one of the beauties of 45. You know, being in, in your forties, you just, you stop caring as much what people think about you. It's still a work in progress, of course, but I'm now very confident because I know my body is strong. I know that I am really building a body that's going to support me now with all the things that I wanna do. And with everything I wanna do in the future, which I don't even know yet, because strength helps us to create capacity. Like I'm gonna be able to take on more, to do big things in my life, whatever they may be. I need a body that's going to be able to, to support me, and that is able to hold all of that without breaking. So I'm now building my body to endure and to thrive. Because even if we look at, you know, things that are not running. Or fitness related. Life is tough sometimes and your, the strength of your body, the health of your body is going to help you get through some of those hard emotional times, psychological times, mental battles that you're going through.'cause everything is connected. So by building a, a strong body, I'm also strengthening my mind. Think about it. When you are going out to work out and exercise in the cold or in the heat or on the days that you don't want to because you're tired, you're building mental capacity, you're building the ability to. Stay disciplined and, and say no to yourself. Like, that's what I've been doing, right? Like the, there's plenty of times that I'd rather sit on the couch, but I care about myself so much and I love myself so much that I'm willing to put in the work now. So that 50-year-old, 60-year-old, 70-year-old, 80-year-old, 90-year-old Angie is healthy and strong, and that's how I choose to look at it now. So. That's a really big one, obviously, and, um, the second one, com connects to that, right? So the second big shift that I've made in my life is thinking about or is shifting from restriction and restricting what I put into my body versus fueling and giving my body what it needs. That's what I'm choosing now because again, wanting to be skinny, wanting to shrink. We were told to cut calories and restrict what we put into our body, and that felt responsible, that felt disciplined. That felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, but there were so many hidden costs that I didn't realize at the time. I realize them now because I feel so much better now, and I feel so much more freedom around food. And back then it was. Food was stressful. I was worried about how many calories I was consuming. I was wonder worried about how much fat or how many carbs, depending on which diet I was on in the past.'cause Lord knows I've been on lots of different diets in the past trying to lose weight. And what I didn't realize then was all of those things were really causing other side effects that I wasn't even connecting to it, like low energy or irritability, poor recovery, and. Now that I'm choosing to fuel my body and give it what it needs, I feel so much better. And it's just funny. It's like this very funny paradox because I think that. When we talk about food freedom and we talk about some of the things like, oh, well, if I could just eat whatever I want, I would, I would just eat chocolate all the time, or I would eat cake all the time. And it's just not true. Like we tell ourselves that. But when you actually give yourself permission to eat whatever the heck you want, most of the time you're going to choose foods that support how you feel. You, I, I'm Choos protein, even though I don't love eating chicken all the time, but I choose the protein because I know that keeps me satisfied. It keeps me full. It keeps me feeling better. I'm not hungry all the time, so I'm gonna choose the chicken and the vegetables and those kinds of things. And then sometimes my body like genuinely craves those things as well. Not chicken, but like vegetables for sure. And I still eat and I indulge. I give my, I eat chocolate. Mm. Probably most days I would say like I have a little jar of chocolate chips. In my pantry, and then sometimes when I need a little chocolate fix, I just go in, I grab a couple chocolate chips and I eat them and I don't feel guilty about it. So it's really learning the difference. I've been able to learn the difference between control and like controlling all of the food that's going into my body because I don't wanna gain weight because I don't wanna gain that pound, versus supporting my body and giving my body what it needs, which is such a more freedom-based, confident type. Way to look at eating and fueling with trust instead of fear. Instead of being scared or being fearful that I'm gonna gain weight or that, you know, I ate too many calories today, I am just trusting that my body is wise and then I'm going to be able to give myself what it needs, especially if I learn how to listen, if I, especially if I reconnect to my body because. I've realized I can't adapt to training or to life without resources, and that's really what we need. That's what food is. Food is fuel. I'm asking my body to do these things, whether it's running or lifting heavy weights or. Going out for a walk or staying up all night watching Kevin run a hundred miles or standing at for hours at, at my daughter's performances and supporting her there. Like there's so many other things outside of just running that we need resources for and it's so important that we learn how to fuel our body. And so when I was really able to make that shift and, and not think about calories and restriction and really think about, okay, have I given my body what it needs today? Everything has shifted. Everything feels better. Food no longer feels like a burden on me. It's sometimes I genuinely ask myself, and, and this is more of what the question that I ask myself is, which is, have I eaten enough today? That is wild to me. Right? When I used to be like in diet mode. It was like, oh, have I, you know, I hope I didn't go over my calories, or, you know, there's diff, there was different questions, but the question that I asked myself the most now is, have I eaten enough today? Have I gotten in what my body needs to help support, to support it? And again, coming from that place of love, loving myself, loving my body, understanding that my body is the vessel that I have here on Earth. For this lifetime, and it's my job to take care of it and to support it in every way that I can, and food is a huge part of that. All right. The third shift that I've made that is also tied into health and fitness is. Shifting from chasing outcomes to trusting and enjoying the process. And really, this applies to lots of different areas of my life as well. But I think that, you know, we're kind of taught to set goals and chase these outcomes, achieve the things, check the boxes, make sure that we are achieving X, Y, and Z so that we can. Uh, get a good job. We can have a family, we can have the life that we want, and it's these outcomes that we set for ourselves that we are constantly chasing in our life. And when we are chasing outcomes, that creates this tension, this pressure that. We don't even realize is on us sometimes. Sometimes we do, especially when it becomes overwhelming and becomes, you know, it feels like one thing just keeps getting added and added and added. But so many of us do this, and I know I fell into this trap too, of. Doing the things and not even really questioning them. Like, this is the path that I'm on. This is what I need to do. And so you, you get the, I got the good grades. I did all the varsity sports, I did all the clubs. I did the things in high school because I needed to get a, a good grade, you know, all the good grades in high school so that I got into a good college. And then college, I wanted to get into med school. And then med school, I wanted to be a doctor. And like, it was like, okay, this was the path that I was on. So when you're just having to achieve the next thing. And then that achievement doesn't come, or it doesn't come fast enough. I made that mean something negative about me. And in the beginning of my life, those achievements just, they just kept coming, right? Like it was easy. Like I was just doing the thing. I shouldn't say easy, but it just, I did it right? Like I, I got the good grades, I was the valedictorian, I was the, the three sport athlete. I did all the things and then, then I kind of got into. This place where I started to question things. My senior year of college, I was, I took the mcat, I was going to med school. This is the path that I've been on literally my whole life since I was a child. People would ask me, what do you wanna be? And I said, I wanna be a doctor. And I never even questioned it. And then when I was in college, I started to question it and I didn't like my answer because my answer was scary. My answer was, I don't. Know if this is right for me anymore. I don't think this is the right path, and that's a really scary place to be in. I'm like kind of getting a little choked up right now, which is kind of wild. I need, I need a tissue. Um, but it can be really scary when we are on a path and doing all the things, and we start to question it, and the question or the answer that's coming to us is like, eh, this, I don't think this is right for you anymore because then there's this unknown. Then if this isn't the way, then what do I do? And that can be a really scary place. And so I think that when you don't know the next outcome to chase, then what? And this is where a lot of us can feel lost, and you know, this comes at different points in our life. For me, it came in my twenties. And then, um, again, you know, in my thirties, like it's, it's come to, to me multiple times, um, in, in different life phases, but. Then we start things like this, my business, my podcast, and I'm like, oh, I've been good at things in the past. Let's just do this. We're gonna be, it's gonna be successful. I'm gonna do all the things. I'm gonna be able to help all these people. And it has been successful in a lot of ways, but. Not to the level that I expected, and so when that success didn't come fast enough to, in the timeline that I'd given myself for a while, I made that mean something negative about, about me, or that something was wrong. I wasn't doing this correctly. I was getting it wrong. And being able to shift from, okay, well, it's not necessarily about the outcome here. It's about trusting and enjoying the process. Are you enjoying what you're doing? Heck yeah. I freaking love recording this podcast for you guys every single week. I love working with. All of my clients inside our membership and helping them make some of these mental shifts and, and get stronger physically and do all the amazing things that they're achieving in their lives. I love that. And so I've learned and shifted to valuing consistency, valuing presence and integrity, and staying on the path even when it's hard and letting those results that I get be feedback instead of. Proof that I'm doing it wrong. Instead of a verdict of you're guilty or you're not good enough. Because process based living, process based training is just so much more regulating because when I don't get those results, maybe it's in a run, maybe it's in a race, you, you do the race, you do the training. And then you do that race and you're like, I didn't, I didn't perform the way that I wanted to. Well shoot. Does that mean all my training was messed up or it was wrong, or I'm not good enough, or I'll never achieve this thing? Heck no. You just didn't achieve it that time. And this is what I'm telling myself now. It's not that I'm not good enough. It's not that. I'm wrong. It's that okay, these results that I just received are feedback, and now I can take this feedback and I can adjust my process so that next time I can try, I can get the outcome that I want. And sometimes the answer is, you kind of just have to keep going. You're doing the right things, you just got the timeline wrong. But when I learn how to trust and enjoy the process of it all, it no longer becomes this need to constantly get ahead and I still care about where I'm going. I still have huge goals. I wanna help a thousand runners this year. That is my goal. That is why to me. But that's my huge goal. I want a thousand people to come through our membership. I care about all, every single one of those people, and I wanna help those people. And even though that's my goal, I also appreciate all of the members that I have right now. And I don't let that, that goal, I'm trying to chase that thing, Rob me of where I am right now. And really enjoying how, you know, the, the size of our current membership and how well I know all of our members. Like, there's such a beauty in that also. So I think there's something to be said about having big goals and, and wanting to achieve these outcomes for sure, but also enjoying the process and trusting the process along the way. Okay. Number four, the shift from being right to wanting to get it right, and this was a big one for me and growing up I always wanted to be right. You know, I loved being right. Let mean, let's be honest, who doesn't? Right? Like we all like being right, but being right all the time. Again, going back to that precocious child became that. Almost a form of safety or identity of, of, she's the smart one. She, she always gets things right. And so it became this part of my identity. And so when I got things wrong, it was really devastating for me because it was almost like it was chipping away at who I was.'cause I was, I would get things right all the time. I got straight A's I, I did all the things right, like I was a good kid. I didn't get in trouble. And so I was. Terrified of getting things wrong, terrified of it. And when someone would, you know, call me, call on me, like, one of my first things was this fear of like, oh my God, did I do something wrong? And so that. Rigidity in that, like always wanting to be right, really blocked my growth and blocked me from taking chances and being willing to make mistakes because you have to make mistakes in order to grow. Like that's where some of the best lessons are. Like I remember in sixth grade. I tried out for the soccer team and I was, again, I was athletic, so of course I was gonna make the soccer team, but all of a sudden, like I was in all of the sports with your hands, right? I played volleyball, basketball, and softball. So I had phenomenal hand-eye coordination. I had never tried to do things with my feet before and I hated running. Also, by the way, um, I hated running until probably after college. So soccer had too much running and I was not immediately good at it. And so I quit. I quit during tryouts of the soccer team in middle school because I was like, oh, this isn't for me. It wasn't like, oh, cool, now I found this thing where I can like learn and grow and and get better. No, it was like, oh, I'm not good at this, so I'm not gonna do it. And I think there's so many of us that cut ourselves off from amazing things in our life. Because we're just not good at it right away. And what the right away, I'm gonna put that in air quotes, right, right away. We're not good at it right away. How long is that? That's different for all of us. Some of us are like, okay, well it's just, you know, for me, I, I quit after like two days in soccer. Right. But this is one of the things I love about running because running keeps me humble. Running. I was not good at running. Like, I mean, define what it is to be a good runner. Right. That's a, that's a whole different conversation, but. I did not see myself as an inherently good runner like Kevin, right? Kevin is a freaking like, just natural runner. He goes out, he runs and he runs super fast, right? I was not like that when it came to running. I didn't enjoy it. It didn't feel good. I wasn't fast compared to the other people that I was running with, and. So I just wasn't good at it. And I think that's one of the things that as I, you know, have grown and wanted to do, things that have challenged me. That's one of the things that has kept me running is knowing that this is something that I actually have to work at and something that I'm not inherently good at and that I need to, but with practice, I can get better and. I started to shift from wanting to being right all the time to it really lean into my value of curiosity, and I've always been a very curious person. That's one of the reasons that I, I learned so much and I have so much knowledge is'cause I've, I was, I'm just curious about the world. I ask constant questions. So what I chose to do without even realizing it until I think right now, is instead of. Asking the questions and trying to find the answer and trying to find the quote unquote right answer. I then, and then being upset when I got something wrong, I leaned into that curiosity and asked myself, okay, well that's interesting. What's, what's happening here? And choosing to learn over, to be defensive and just to defend my point of view. How can I learn from this? What do I need to. How can I grow here? And being able to recognize and being able to apologize when I make a mistake. That is huge for me, and I've learned that time after time again with parenting. Parenting is one of those things for me and you know, I've obviously, I've read a lot of books and the growth mindset and all Brene Brown and all these different things about being vulnerable and being able to admit when you're wrong, and that's something that. I, I saw modeled from my mom growing up, but never from my father, and I knew that that was the kind of parent that I wanted to be, is I wanted to be more like my mom. I wanted to be more of, you know what, if I don't get it right, I'm gonna apologize to you and I'm gonna try to get it right. Because I am gonna make mistakes. I'm gonna do things that I'm not proud of. I'm gonna do things or say things that, I mean, as a parent, how many times I've said things to my kids and immediately thought to myself, oh God, that was not the right thing. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I like and I am. I'm immediately apologize because what I've found in my life, one of the best things that I have that this has given me is. That willingness to stay teachable, stay coachable, and continue to grow. Because if I am always right all the time, like what opportunity is there for growth, I want to be able to grow and be able to. Continue to evolve and continue to grow in wisdom, and that is going to require me trying things and not getting it right all the time. And so really leaning into that has been a complete game changer in my life as well. Okay. This is a really, really big one. Okay, this is number five. I've got two more for you here. Number five. Is one of the biggest shifts that has genuinely affected every single area of my life. And that is to shift from things are happening to me, to things are happening for me. So it's kind of like going from the victim mode to more of the leader mode of, uh, well victim to, you know, someone that's more in control and like, I'm not just blaming my circumstance and growing up. I had this very strong sense of fairness, right? I thought everything needed to be fair. I was the oldest child, or I should say I am the oldest child. I'm the oldest of three girls, and everything needed to be fair. Um, and so when my parents got divorced, that was not fair. Why? Why is this happening? And then my parents got remarried and then there were new kids in the picture and this wasn't fair. And those kids didn't get treated the same way as we got treated. And this isn't fair. And there was. All of these things, and, and fairness was such a huge thing for me back then. And whenever things weren't fair, it felt very personal. I felt like these things were just happening to me, and, and I, it just, I can't believe that this is happening. And when things didn't work out the way that I wanted them to work out, disappointment, it felt very personal. Like this was something against me. It's happening to me. And slowly over the years as I grew and learned all the things, I had this realization that life is not about fairness because life is not fair. And we've heard that God knows how many times my parents said that life is not fair. Like, I'm like, it's not fair. Yeah, life is not fair. I get that now. Right? Like, how many times have that, has that been thrown at me? But as an adult now I realize. It's not, life is never going to be fair necessarily, but what it is, is that life gives us feedback and what we put out energetically shapes what we receive. So if I'm constantly putting out this victim energy of things are happening to me, no matter what situation is happening in my life, I'm gonna be able to see it that way because every circumstance is based like what? The way we look at. If any circumstance in our life shapes the way that that thing affects us, because our perception of the outside events, the circumstances in our life. That's what makes us, that's, you know, how we experience our life and our world. And so if I'm putting that out there, then that's what I'm going to continue to see versus things are happening for me. How is this happening for me, this is one of the biggest questions that I started asking myself. So instead of asking, why is this happening to me? And started asking, how is this happening for me? Everything changed because it wasn't about me being the victim anymore and these things, or these people or any of this happening to me. It was like, okay, here's what's happening in my life right now. How is this happening for me, for my good, for my growth, for my personal development? What can I learn from this situation? What can I take away from it? And this shift changed how I was able to relate to quote unquote setbacks in running, in business, in relationships, because things don't always work out the way that I want them to. And it's not about. It's not being fair. It's just that, okay, this is what's happening. How is this going to help me grow and evolve? And that's the way that I choose to look at it. Now we can choose to look at it however we want because life is perception. There are the circumstances that are happening in our life, and then there. Is our perception of those circumstances and the meaning that we attach to them. So I decided to change the meaning because we can't always change the circumstances in our life, but we can always change the meaning of those circumstances and what we want to make those things mean. So now I choose to see life not as punishing me or rewarding me. But it's just simply responding to my energy and it's giving me feedback based on the energy that I'm putting out into the world. The energy that I'm putting into my training, the energy that I'm putting into my relationships, the energy that I'm putting into my business. Am I putting in the right amount of energy? Am I putting in the right quality of energy? So when I miss my goals, if there's plateaus that are, that have happened in my training, I see these things as information and not injustice, and I ask myself, did I really put in the work necessary to achieve that thing? And sometimes the answer is like. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did. I'm pretty sure. I have no idea why it didn't happen. I followed the steps, I did the things, why didn't I get the results that I wanted to? And then I have that energetic, like, oh, okay, let's, let's take a step back and then just genuinely ask that self with, ask that question without the self righteousness behind it and say, why didn't I get the results that I wanted to? Did I really put in what was necessary, and if I'm being a hundred percent honest with myself, most of the time that I don't get the results that I want, it's because I didn't put in the work or I didn't put in the right kind of energy into that situation. So it's so empowering because no longer am I the victim. No longer am I the one that's just, you know, not getting what I want because other people or, or situations aren't giving them to me. I'm the one that gets to control how much I put in, and it's never, it's not usually like, okay, I put in this and I get out. This life isn't a machine, it's not a factory line, right. But we can usually see, at least I've been able to usually see places where if I didn't get the results that I want. Okay. One of the things that I really love, and you guys heard me say this on some of the long haul episodes with Kevin, this is another one of those reminders that I tell myself all the time, which is we either get the results that we want. Or the lessons that we need. And so if I didn't get the result that I wanted, what is the lesson that I need to learn from this and approaching my life in that way? Whether it's my fitness and my health and my running or the rest of my life, my business, my relationships, other things, finances. What do I need to learn here? That has become such a game changer and so empowering. All right, number six, this is the final one. And again, this is a huge one for me too. And this is, it's, it's one of those ones that's, it's kind of subtle, um, but makes a huge difference. And that is going from this place of trying to discover who I am, to choosing who I am. And I think this is kind of the message that we've received growing up, which is you have to find yourself and you have to discover yourself and like discover who you are and discover who you like or what you like and what you wanna do with your life. And I think that that's meant very well. You know, well meaning people. I've probably said that in the past as well, but I've decided that. It's not something that I need to discover. It's something that I need to choose. And part of that, you know, you can call this possibly semantics, right? Because the process of discovery, when we really look at the process of discovery, it is going out and trying things and searching for things and trying to find what you want or trying to find new answers and, and then. That's really what choosing is, right? We, I, it is necessary to explore different options and open yourself up to possibilities, and then from those possibilities. It's important for us to understand that we have the choice. It's not like this just gets bestowed upon us, like, who you are? Here you go, Angie. This is who you are. You finally found it. It's like, no, like I've been through all these different circumstances and I've been through all these different things in my life, and based on these experiences, I get to choose who I am. So it's the difference between trying to uncover something. Versus authoring something because identity, I truly believe identity is something that we actively choose. It's not something that we passively find, and this shows up in so many areas of our life. It shows up in our training. I choose to be a. And that means in order for me to be a runner, I need to run. I need to strength train. I need to fuel my body. I need to do these things if that's who I'm choosing to be. I didn't just discover that I was a runner. Believe me, y'all, I would not have Cho, like I did not ever think, oh yeah, I'm gonna be a runner when I'm 45. Like if you asked me at 20 or 18, I would've probably laughed in your face. But this is something that I'm choosing and that I'm continuing to choose on a daily basis. Like this morning when it was cold and I woke up with a little bit of a sore throat. And I decided, eh, the sore throat's really not that bad. And I started to drink water and the sore throat started to go away. And then I really, as I thought about it, I was like, you know what? I probably didn't drink enough water LA yesterday.'cause I started to get a, a little bit of a sore throat last night, um, and it was cold. And so I didn't drink enough water. So I'm like, okay, wait. This is probably why this is happening. So I'm gonna choose to not listen to my brain and stay in my warm bed and get out and put on my clothes and my gloves and my ear little ear muffs and go run in the cold weather. Because I am choosing to be a runner. So once we choose who we are, it's not like, again, you don't just choose it once and say, okay, now I'm a runner, or now I'm a mom, or now I'm this. Now I'm now, I'm a a Catholic. I choose that on a daily basis. I'm constantly evaluating and reevaluating my choices and how I wanna show up every single day. But I let that identity, those chosen identities for myself, I let those guide me. And it is about becoming intentional in who I'm choosing to become and not just who I've been. Like I was a very different person in my teens and my twenties. I've evolved a lot in the way that I think about the world. And hopefully you can sense that in some of the things I'm, you know, talking about in this episode. But what I've realized is that identity, we have to choose that identity before we. Behave that way. People think that they need to, like, once I start acting this way, then I can claim this identity, but I think it's backwards. I think we need to claim the identity first, and from that identity we then drive that identity drives our actions. It's because I choose to call myself a runner and an athlete in a strong woman that I choose to lift weights multiple times a week, and I choose to get up and run when it's cold outside and I choose to eat over a hundred grams of protein every day. And I choose to hydrate and do all the things that I'm doing. It's because that's the identity that I've chosen. That is the person that I want to be and to be that person, I have to show up as that person every single day. So I'm not waiting to discover myself anymore. I'm choosing actively who I want to be over and over and over again, and that's such an empowering place to be. Okay. Now I'm going to just talk about a couple things that I'm still working on because I don't want you to listen to this and be like, dang, Angie's got it all figured out. Because I don't, I do not have it all figured out. I mean, even these six things that I already talked about, I'm still working on. You know, I think that I'm, I'm very strong in those places. But like I just mentioned, these are things that we're choosing on a set, on a daily basis. Um, so some of the things that I'm still working on that I wanna get better at is to shift from earning and doing. Into being more, and this is kind of getting away from that need to be productive all the time as a default to always have to be doing something because rest still feels vulnerable. It still feels wrong. There's still like, I shouldn't say wrong, but there's still a level of guilt around taking rest and learning that presence and just being doesn't have to be justified and that my value does not increase when I do more. My value is inherent. My worth is absolute. My coach said that last week and it hit right. Your worth, your worthiness is absolute. You are worthy because you are here on earth. You are a person. You are a child of God. There's nothing that you can do that will increase or decrease your worthiness. And that's a message that I have to keep re reminding myself of. It's not about being productive and it's not about making sure I achieve and do all these things. It's just being, that is a good thing. The second shift I'm still working on is learning is to shift from doing it alone, to allowing myself to be supported because I have always been. A super independent person and independence is something that I highly value in myself. I am, I, I am strong, I am independent. I can do it myself, right? And I take a lot of pride in that. But that can also be an armor that I put on, and that can also block connection in some ways. And so I'm continuing to learn and I'm, I'm much better with some people in my life than others. Of course, I'm still learning to allow myself to be supported. And to let in the help without the guilt, because what I know and what I'm continuing to remind myself is that support, asking for support, asking for help, it doesn't make me weaker. It makes me stronger and it actually makes me more available for the things that matter. So if I can get help from people, I can actually focus my time and my energy on the things that matter more to me and the things that I'm really, really good at, versus spending time on smaller tasks that somebody else could do better than me. Uh, another shift would be from procrastinating to taking action. So this is one of those things that I find myself doing. You know, I kind of have always done this in my life. And a, and again, this is a shift of like, I'm not a procrastinator, even though I have done a lot of procrastinating in my life. It's like I put this pressure on myself. My nervous system has always been used to chaos and I'm learning to really. Hold space and allow things to try to be easier. So I'm seeing planning and taking action as kindness to myself and seeing action as momentum and not perfection. Right. Procrastination is, is my, was a key. Like when I get overwhelmed I'm just like, yep, I'm just gonna put that off and, and I almost thought that I needed this pressure in order to do the things, which is so silly and so wild. So this is a big thing that I'm working on that I hope to continue to. Get through. And then finally shifting from caring what other people think about me to letting people be wrong about me or letting people be right about me. Also, and I think this is really, especially as a person on the internet, like I have a social media presence. I have this podcast, I have things. I always want, again, going back to, you know, wanting to be right, like I want people to have a good opinion of me, and I think that if you didn't, you'd probably be narcissistic or sociopathic, but we all care to an extent what people think about us. But there comes a point where like editing what I say. Exhausting. I have to be able to let contradictions exist. Like I am both a super kind person and I can also be a bitch sometimes, and I don't like that that is, but that, that's true. But it is, right? Like I can say mean things or not show up in the way that I want to or be selfish, and both things are true. So it's really about embracing complexity instead of trying to fix these perceived flaws, embracing that this is me, like I am a human and I am not perfect. And I've, I've quote unquote, good things and quote unquote not so good things. I don't wanna say bad because they're not bad. They're just, they just are. You know, I've been told that I'm too much and that I'm not for everyone. I had one of my bosses tell, tell me this, like when I was a physical therapist in a clinic that I worked in. Like over a decade ago, actually. Oh my gosh. It was like 15 years ago. That's wild. But she said, Angie, some of your patients just adore you and they just, they don't have nothing bad to say about you and other people like you kind of rubbed them the the wrong way. So you really need to work for that. Work on that. And I'm. Do I like? Now I'm choosing to see this as a good thing. I don't need to be for everyone and neither do you like. It's not like people pleasing is exhausting. I don't need to be for everybody. I just need to be the right person for the people that I'm meant to help. So I'm learning to let myself be misunderstood without making that mean that I, that there's anything wrong with me. Like people are allowed to misunderstand me. People are allowed to have negative opinions of me. It doesn't mean that I am bad, it doesn't mean that they're right. They can have a, an opinion based on something crazy, like even my kids sometimes. They tell me, oh, well you were ignoring me and I wasn't actually ignoring them. I literally didn't even hear them. But they thought that I heard them, they thought that I was ignoring them, and then they were upset about it and then came to some conclusion of like, mom doesn't care, or something else. That is not true, because I didn't hear them. And other people have those experience of me too. I'm sure that they think that I acted a certain way or I didn't act a certain way. I didn't act in the way that they wanted me to behave. And then they formed an opinion of me, whether that's right or wrong, or whether that's actually what happened. That's their perception of it. And people are allowed to be wrong about me, and this is the kicker. I don't have to correct them. I don't have to try to make them see the truth. That's a, that's a tough one, y'all, because when you know people see something that isn't actually there that you don't believe to be true. That is really hard not to correct them. Like, no, no, no. It didn't happen that way. That's not what actually happened. I just didn't hear you. I mean, I've literally gotten in this fight with my kids before of they thought I said something or did something, and that's not the way that it happened On my end. I'm like, no, no, that's not what happened. What are you talking about? And they're like, yes, it did. And then it's like a, yes, I did. Yes it did. No it didn't. We're most likely not going to convince each other and it's not my job. To convince other people that I'm right and they're wrong. Again, going back to the being right thing all the time, it's, it's really hard when you know someone maybe doesn't think of you the way that you want them to, to allow them to have whatever opinion of you they want or they feel is justified. That's a tough one, and I am definitely still working on that one, and I know that as I continue to grow with the podcast and the company. And you know, people might come at me on social media, and this is, so this is gonna be a muscle that I'm gonna have to develop because people are gonna be wrong about me because of some one video that they maybe saw that they didn't like what I said, or they just didn't have the context behind it, or they didn't know me. It was the first video they ever saw, but they didn't know X, Y, and Z that I have been talking about for years and years and years. And they just took that one piece of information or piece of content. Out of context. So it's going to be happening and I'm learning to let myself be understood without making that mean anything negative about me. And that's a tough one. So wanna come with me? Wanna join me on that one? It's not an easy one. So that's what I have for you guys today. I gave you 10 things, six of my biggest shifts and four things I'm still working on. And what I can tell you right now in my life that I'm very proud of is that at 45, technically this is being released on my last day of 44. I have a couple days left at 44, um, because I turned 45 on Friday, but at 45. I don't feel complete. I still have so much left to do in my life and to experience and to be, but I do feel very grounded, very rooted in who I am and what kind of impact I wanna have in the world. I am less interested in fixing myself and more committed to choosing myself. Choosing who I want to be. Not necessarily choosing myself over other people, but choosing the me that I want to be so that I can show up both for myself and the other people in my life that matter and that I love and that I would do anything for. And so much of me being able to help and serve those people, whether it's my family, my friends, or my clients, and the people that trust me with. They're running their health, their fitness, guiding them in their life, and the life coaching that I do inside the membership. I have to be strong and grounded and rooted, and the kind of person that's able to guide. Other people. And part of that is making these shifts in myself so that I can help others figure out how to do it too. So if that sounds like you and you want help figuring out how to actually get these things to stick in your life, I would love to coach you. And that's part of what we do inside of our membership. And I, it's something that we don't talk about enough because we always talk about. You know, we give you running plans and strength plans, and that is true. We have lots of plans and for your training and those plans are all really great plans. But I just got off a coaching call with our group and I did a, a one-on-one coaching call with a client today, and I did a group coaching call and I just freaking love talking people through this kind of stuff. Plans are great, but if you're not following the plans, you're not gonna get the results you want. So why aren't you following the plan? Why are you not doing what the plan is telling you to do? Why are you doing more than what the plan is telling you to do? Because you don't feel like it's enough, because you're not trusting the process like, what's going on? Love what's going on. I would love to help you figure all that out. I would love to help you evolve more in your strength, in your running, in your health, and in your life. This is something I'm so passionate about doing, so if you're interested, head over to real life runners.com/team. You'll get more information and be able to sign up there. I would love to guide you because our membership is not just about running, it's about really helping you become the strongest and healthiest version of you both inside and out. So if you are in the middle of your own shifts in your life, I want you to know that I'm right there with you. I'm here to support you. You're not lost, you're not failing. You're just evolving. And evolution and growth is very uncomfortable. It's supposed to be uncomfortable, and when it's uncomfortable, that tells you that you're on the right path. That's another quick lesson right there. You know, trying from trying to avoid discomfort to leaning into the discomfort, because discomfort often means that you're growing and you're evolving. And I love that for you. It's been amazing for me to experience in my life. If you want help, again, I'm here for you. Reach out. You can also just send me a message on Instagram or social media at Dr. Angie Brown and uh, yeah, keep following along. If this podcast was helpful, please share it with somebody else that you think would find it helpful as well. I'm so thankful that you were here, that you made it. I didn't expect to go this long with this solo podcast, but here we are. So thanks guys for being here. I love you. I believe in you. I'm here for you. You're not alone in this process. It's not an easy one, but it's so, so worthwhile. This has been The Real Life Runners podcast, episode number 447. Now, get out there and run your life.