What You Need to Willingly Disclose Your Stutter with No Shame

The act of 'disclosure' is an opportunity to educate others and advocate for ourselves, showing that we have nothing to hide.

In this episode, we explore the world of disclosure for those who stutter. We uncover the challenges that often come with revealing our truth and the two key ingredients required for successful disclosure: vulnerability and authenticity. Dive into personal stories and learn how your temperament can impact this journey. Discover the benefits of disclosure, from building genuine connections to self-acceptance. Gain practical strategies for becoming more vulnerable and authentic, and understand that disclosure is an essential step toward embracing your unique voice and advocating for yourself. Join us as we discuss this pivotal aspect of the stuttering journey.

Links

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Transcript

On my journey to where I am now, one of the things that I always struggled with was the tactic of disclosure. It's highly recommended by speech therapists and it can be a very effective tool in starting to talk about stuttering and being open about it with others. For those that may not know, disclosure is a process of telling your listener or audience that you are a person who stutters.

It's really self advertising and advocating for yourself. I have to be honest. I was such a covert stutterer, disclosing did not come easy to me. Maybe you struggle with it too. Let's explore the reasons for that here. So in today's episode, we're going to cover a little bit about why this is so hard to do, what the two missing ingredients needed for disclosure that without it makes it harder to do.

What are some of the benefits of disclosure? and some of the strategies to move towards developing new skills. Okay, let's dive right in. Do you go into a social situation? Maybe on a job interview or a date. And do you tell the other person that you stutter? Or do you just try to pretend like everything's okay and do your best to hide it, hoping that your listener won't notice anything?

As I just admitted, I definitely fell into the latter category. I remember trying to keep up the fluency act for as long as possible, but it never really did last long. Most of the time, there were many layers as to why I was hiding, which we'll get into in a bit. Now, to the big question, do you disclose or not?

Disclosure brings a lot of benefits, but why is the case so often this can be hard to do? Well, for one, if you're not used to being open about your stutter, it can feel really awkward to start. You might be torn. Maybe you know you should do it, but you don't really want to. And when this happens, you'll get something called resistance.

I'm sure you're familiar with this feeling. For me, resistance feels like this invisible force field around me. Like, I can't move. I can't act. Even if I wanted to. It's this inner conflict between want to, Don't want to. and I found that as long as you're in the middle of this inner conflict, you're stuck. And this is why. Even though other people may tell you about the benefits of disclosing, no matter how much you may think you want to, when it comes down to being in the real moment of a real speaking situation, you just can't do it.

But why? This is what we're going to find out. The reason you're having a hard time disclosing to others that you stutter might come down to this. Number one, maybe you lack skill or you're out of practice. Up to this point, you may lack or have not had the opportunity to put disclosure into practice and develop the skill. Or number two, maybe you do not have the right ingredients that allows for the willingness to disclose. It's not easy to disclose unless you have The right ingredients beforehand. You need certain traits to be developed in your personal toolbox. So what are these two ingredients that reduces resistance and help support you to disclosure? First, it's being vulnerable. Vulnerability is a willingness to show others the less than perfect parts of yourself.

Now I understand the reason why it's hard to be vulnerable. The barrier to being vulnerable is if having a stutter made you a target for ridicule in the past or you experienced emotional trauma from being bullied. These are very painful experiences, and your body remembers.

It will do everything in its power now to protect you from ever experiencing something painful like that again. protect from being vulnerable, you might build up an emotional wall. You might always be on guard, or feeling on hyper alert. But while you're busy protecting yourself, It's hard to bring down those walls to show others who you are.

To disclose to others you have a stutter, it takes vulnerability. It takes up offering that part of you that you may think is Weak. It's understandable that when you're feeling vulnerable, this is a time when you don't want to be seen, and you may feel like hiding. this is why disclosing your stutter is difficult to do.

Second, being authentic. Authenticity is the other ingredient to being able to disclose. Authenticity is about being real and genuine. about being true to yourself and revealing all parts of yourself. Being authentic can be hard to do if you've learned it's not okay to be you, stutter and all.

This is why it can feel a bit scary to be authentic. So now you can see why It's hard to be vulnerable and authentic if you've not had the permission or the practice in showing the sides of yourself. One factor that makes it extremely hard to be vulnerable is if you're in survival mode. You might have learned through past personal experiences that you are not safe.

When you're being your authentic self, you can't be vulnerable if you don't feel emotionally safe. You're in survival mode because you believe that if you let your guard down, you'll be hurt. Now, this is based on something that has happened in the past, and this previous experience is a story that is being projected on the present moment and the future. The story might go something like this. It's most likely subconsciously.

The last time I was here, I disclosed and the outcome was negative. So now forever and ever, I will make sure for this to never happen again. One of the feelings that keeps you in survival mode is shame.

There's a quote by Brene Brown where she says, Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. Shame is what gets in the way of being vulnerable and authentic. This is why disclosure is used as a tool to reduce shame. In the process of disclosing your stutter, you're being open and revealing the very same thing that once brought you shame.

You're shedding light on stuttering to bring it out into the light and make it speakable. This is really behind the concept of desensitizing. By employing disclosure over time, this will reduce the amount of emotional reaction and resistance that comes up for you. I know for myself that for the longest time, Being vulnerable and showing my authentic self was very difficult to do.

It's taken attention, time and energy to develop these sides of myself, to be more open with others. In my own experience, one of the factors that I realized that has played a part in why disclosure has been so difficult for me comes down to my temperament. I can look back now and understand why it was so hard for me to do transfers and practice disclosure.

So let's talk a bit more here about temperament, the role of your nature. Disclosure can be very uncomfortable for a person who is sensitive, introverted, and maybe tends to be a perfectionist. I can speak for myself, as these traits are part of my own personality. I know I'm sensitive to rejection, and I know I don't think I'm alone in this.

This is why disclosing can be challenging, as there is always the possibility that you may not be received. In a positive way. Also, in being introverted, I normally like to hold things in about myself, close to my heart. I found it hard to just flip the switch and be instantly authentic and vulnerable in front of many others. 

To be truthful, the guard has been up for so long, it's been hard to let it down and to be open about something I've been hiding. So by disclosing, it's really about being open to exposing what has been hidden. I have to admit, I'm a recovering perfectionist for my entire life. I've always tried to be my best self at all times, and always coloring within the lines.

but I've left no room for making mistakes. Errors, or simply being human. And this has come at a high cost, feeling exhausted from always trying to be perfect. But let me be clear, always trying to be perfect.

Did not mean that I always reached perfection, but in my mind, as long as I tried, I felt I was protecting myself from other people's judgments and opinions. So what are the benefits of disclosing? Well, disclosure to others that you're a person who stutters can have several benefits. When you disclose your stutter, it can lead to increased awareness and understanding among the people you know in your life.

This awareness can foster empathy and help others become more accommodating and patient. When communicating with you, as you might already experience, keeping your stutter secret can be stressful, as you might worry about when and how you'll stutter in front of others. So by disclosing your stutter can relieve the pressure of hiding it, reducing the emotional burden.

Disclosing your stutter can be a powerful step in accepting yourself as you are. It can contribute to building self-confidence and self-esteem by embracing your unique qualities and being open about them. By disclosing your stutter, you have an opportunity to educate others about speech disorders and break down any stereotypes or misconceptions.

Openly discussing your stutter can lead to stronger and more genuine relationships. When people are aware of your challenges and see your courage in facing them, it can foster deeper connections based on trust and authenticity. In the workplace, disclosing your stutter can lead to accommodations that make your job more manageable.

so while there are many benefits to disclosing that you're a person who stutters, it's important to remember that the decision to disclose is a personal one. It should be made when you're comfortable and ready to share this aspect of yourself with others. The benefits often outweigh the potential drawbacks, but it's essential to do what feels right for you in your unique circumstances.

If you find the act of disclosure hard to do, then work on building up the ability to be vulnerable and showing your authentic self. It takes the right conditions to feel safe enough to be vulnerable so that you can reveal your true self. So make sure you're disclosing to a person who will be open to receiving it.

So how do you become more vulnerable and authentic? Here are some strategies. Start small. To get comfortable being vulnerable, start doing this in small ways. It's about getting comfortable with the emotional feeling that comes up when you're showing and allowing someone else to witness an intimate moment.

Part of you. Another strategy is to open up. To build up your comfort level for being authentic and offering up a vulnerability, open up by telling another person something they might not know about you. Pay attention to their response. You may be pleasantly surprised and realize that people warm up to you as you give them a chance to see a different side of you.

Disclosure may seem difficult at first, but it does get easier when you develop the skills needed and know that becoming more vulnerable and authentic takes time to develop. So I'm curious, where do you stand on disclosure? Do you disclose to others about having a stutter? If so, I hope this is a positive experience for you.

And if by chance you don't disclose to others about having a stutter, Ask yourself this, what do you believe is holding you back from doing this? In the past, disclosing was hard for me to do because I thought I was admitting to my weakness, but only now do I see it as a strength. It's an affirmation that having a stutter is something part of me and I have nothing to hide about being me.

This is how accepting and disclosing your stutter can be a part of personal growth and self acceptance. Disclosure is an opportunity to educate others and advocate for ourselves as well. It's a very personal choice to disclose or not, and only you know when it's right for you. As you start this process of being authentic and vulnerable when it comes to your stutter, know that when you own it, then you can show it.

If you have any thoughts about this episode, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me, Paige, at thehappystutterer.com.