End The War On Stuttering and Make Peace Within

The problem with the language of ‘war’ is that it makes stuttering the enemy. Needing to be 'killed' with aggression and force, this perpetuates the struggle.

In this episode, we unpack the influential power of language in the context of stuttering. We scrutinize the usage of 'war' terminology in stuttering treatment and its negative implications. Explore effective strategies to reshape your perspective and find harmony with your stutter. Discover how words can shape your reality, and how letting go of the battle mentality can lead to inner peace and fluency. Embrace bravery in navigating your speech challenges, and put an end to the internal conflict. This insightful episode empowers you to redefine your relationship with stuttering for a more positive journey. 

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Transcript

Today, I want to introduce you to a barrier that might be getting in the way between you and fluency. Now, this barrier has nothing to do with the physical mechanics of creating speech, but on a much deeper level, it's This barrier can greatly impact your overall ability to achieve calm and peace within.

And I believe it can also impact your ability to achieve long term fluency, if that's your goal. In today's episode, We're going to learn what this barrier sounds like in the common language used around stuttering and the treatment of it, some of the negative side effects of this language that gets in the way of growth and healing, and a few strategies on starting to shift the language you use to words that support you.

I've said this before, and I'm going to say it again. Words are very powerful and the type of words you choose to say matters. The barrier we're exploring today is about the language and choice of words used around stuttering. Specifically, I see this language being used in some programs and stuttering management treatments that are currently available out there.

Now, I want to be clear, my intention is not about pointing fingers or naming names. My goal here is to shine a light and awareness on the type of language that is sometimes associated with the treatment of stuttering. When you look closely, the language used is negative and aggressive. And I believe it only perpetuates the problem it's trying to solve.

Let me be clear here. Stuttering itself is not a problem. It's only a problem if you think it's a problem. Only you get to decide this for yourself. If you believe stuttering is hindering you from fully expressing yourself and living your life,

Okay, so having said that, let's get back to our main topic for this episode. So what is the nature of this language? Let's break it down. When it comes to stuttering treatment therapies and programs, there has been a pervasive use of a certain type of metaphor. You might be familiar with it yourself. It's the metaphor of war.

This metaphor might be fitting. Because the experience of stuttering is likened to a struggle, a battle, fighting, forcing, pushing. This way of being, of struggling, of putting up a fight, might seem so normal for you. Here are examples of what this language sounds like. Speaking or going into a social speaking situation is like going into battle.

Fluency techniques are weapons, and any additional skills are about adding to your arsenal of fighting the battle. The fight is for fluency. To overcome stuttering, you need to be aggressive and attack feared words, feelings, and situations. You're the soldier fighting for your freedom from stuttering.

The fight is to win the war against stuttering. And all of this language makes stuttering the bad guy. Behind this metaphor of war and stuttering is the fight mentality. It's the thinking that the only way to win the battle is to fight. Fighting the war on stuttering through force and struggle. It's about fighting fire with fire.

The problem with this language is that it makes stuttering the enemy, and that this enemy needs to be killed.

But stuttering comes from you. And because it comes from you, what you're actually saying is that you want to kill a part of yourself. You cannot kill off those parts of yourself that you don't want. that you don't want. As long as you want to kill off a part of yourself, you will always be in battle with yourself.

Stuttering is within you. It's not out there. It's not something happening to you, or something that somebody is doing to you, or it's because something is making your stutter worse. If you're fighting stuttering, You're only fighting yourself. What this language does is that it only perpetuates the struggle even more.

Words are energy and they can be used either in a positive and supportive way or in a negative and destructive way. All of the examples I've shared with you so far use aggressive language, and aggression creates tension, and it's this tension in the mind that's also reflected as tension in the body.

When a body goes into fighting mode, a stress response has been activated.

The problem with the production of speech is that it does not operate effectively under a lot of tension. If you are sensitive to tension, the mechanics of speech is too delicate for that. A negative side effect of using this war language is that it perpetuates the idea of a person living in survival mode.

When you're in survival mode, you're only trying to survive and get through the day or maybe even the next moment. trained to see threat. You're only going to see threats around every speaking situation instead of opportunities. This kind of war language keeps you stuck in survival mode.

and when a person is stuck in this physical and emotional state, they tend to hold their breath and hold their bodies tightly. This is a stress response. Bracing themselves for whatever is coming next might be bracing for the possible threat of rejection or bracing for the possible threat of humiliation.

this constant monitoring, being on guard and staying on alert for years. eventually starts to take its toll. I want you to know I 100% understand the battle and war analogy. I get it. I really do.

One example for myself, personally, is there used to be a time when, before I used to speak, I felt like there was a gun to my head, like when I was put on the spot, I would feel this immediate stress that I had to respond immediately. It felt like I was in front of a firing squad. Every speaking situation felt like a do or die situation.

Of course, this gun, and whoever was holding it, was invisible. It was only in my mind. But the sensation of it was very real. And of course the stress and tension only made my speech and stuttering even worse. I was relieved to learn that I was not alone in this feeling when I saw the documentary called When I Stutter by John Gomez.

There is this one scene between a client and an SLP. And the client said that when he tries to talk, he feels like there's a gun pointing at his face. Even though the SLP had recovered from stuttering herself, she admitted she had no idea what he was talking about. But I was shocked because I did. I knew exactly what he was talking about because I felt it too.

In thinking about this more, I really wonder... If this strategy of war really works, like, is it really possible to fight fire with fire? Like, in the real world, if your house was on fire. Is it possible to stop it from burning down by throwing more fire on it? Of course not. More fire only adds more fuel to the fire.

The exact opposite of the desired outcome you want. And, is fighting? Really? The way to have power? It's all about fighting for something for which you currently don't have. You have to fight for what you want. Now, I'm all for going after what you want. and working towards that, but does it have to be all about hard work and struggle?

When you use language such as pushing, fighting the battle, forcing, struggling, I believe that this messaging just perpetuates the struggle, that every day is a battle, always needing to put your guard up. As long as you're waging war against stuttering. It's a battle you're only fighting against yourself, and this is a losing battle.

Fighting against yourself is a losing one, but I'm calling for a truce, a white flag for making peace with your stutter. So what are some strategies? First and foremost, be mindful of your language. Semantics and the choice of words we use matters, both the words you speak and the words you speak in your mind.

What we perceive as reality is greatly shaped by our language. If you think something is going to be a struggle, it's going to be a struggle. Be mindful of the language you use when describing your experience. Do you feel like your experience with stuttering is a battle and a hell on earth? or, for example, could you reframe your experience with stuttering to something like navigating challenges with bravery?

When you change your language, you have the real power to start to change your experience. Another strategy is to Stop going into battle with yourself. You fight what you don't accept, and you don't accept what you don't understand. the only way to stop fighting yourself is to focus your energy on understanding yourself.

When you understand yourself, this leads to the big benefit of accepting yourself, which opens the door to change. If you don't accept yourself, you will always experience inner turmoil and upset. As much as it might feel like the problem is outside of yourself. It's not. The battle is not out there. the battle is within yourself.

As long as you're fighting yourself and not accepting yourself, using self-critical and negative self-talk. you're setting up the environment within yourself to experience negativity, tension, fighting, and beating yourself up.

Without acceptance on some level, there will always be internal fighting, inner conflict, and tension. In fact, in order to allow change within yourself, in a counterintuitive way, you need to find some level of acceptance. If you're so caught up in hating yourself, you'll not be able to take loving steps towards supporting yourself.

So I invite you to stop fighting within yourself long enough to take steps moving forward. So what are some key takeaways? First, the importance of language. Change your language around how you think and talk about stuttering. Words matter. As they are a reflection of your world and your inner world paints your outer world.

Stop the battle. All of this internal conflict and fighting is creating chronic and mostly unconscious tension. Stop the fight within yourself. The battle is not out there. It's within you. Even though this battle has been going on for years, it's time to put up the white flag and surrender. You might think this is a sign of weakness, but it actually takes great strength to own your stutter.

And in a funny and most paradoxical way, Something magical starts to happen. When you stop the war, when you end the fight, that's actually the moment things start shifting and flowing more. I'm curious, how do you see your stutter? Are you waging a full on war against it?

I want to close this episode by saying, I acknowledge and understand that different programs and approaches are Work for different people. There is no judgment on my part as to what is out there. It's not my place to say what's right or wrong. what works for one person is great. But this might be the reason why these programs don't work for everybody.

It's easy to talk about your problems as battles, especially stuttering. The war metaphor is an easy one to understand. But it's not helpful, because maybe approaching each day or speaking situation as going into battle and fighting the war against stuttering is actually keeping you from finding the inner peace and fluency you want. I appreciate you listening to the end.

If you have any thoughts about this episode, I'd love to hear from you. You can email me, Paige, at thehappystutterer.com.