Speaking in the Spotlight: Saying My Wedding Vows

Life brings pivotal moments when the spotlight is going to be shining on you. Being proactive before the big day and gaining the skills you need, your future self will be thankful that you prepared in advance.

In Episode 17, Paige shares the journey of saying her wedding vows, taking steps to manage her speech anxiety when speaking in the spotlight. Being proactive, she created a process to transform potential stress into a positive experience. Reflecting on past challenges, Paige introduces SMART goals and strategies such as visualization, meticulous preparation, balanced practice, and creating a physical connection with the venue.

Other key takeaways are the impact of preparation leading up to the event as well as the night before. As the episode concludes, Paige reassures listeners that normal nervousness can be mitigated through preparation, allowing them to confidently face their next significant speaking moment.

Do you have a BIG life event coming up? Prepare for your next speaking moment with tailored strategies and personalized support. Send your inquiries about the "Speak in the Spotlight" coaching package to paige@thehappystutterer.com.

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Transcript

Have you ever noticed that in many of life's big moments, it usually brings the necessity for public speaking. for example, a toast at a wedding and acceptance speech, or even presenting a master's thesis. If you are a person who stutters. These moments can bring up big feelings of fear, anxiety, and dread.

For me, one of the biggest moments of my life was getting married and saying my wedding vows marrying my best friend in front of dear friends and family. I wanted to make sure that it was going to be a positive memory that I would never forget. Since I was going to be in the spotlight, I wanted to stay calm, composed, and confident.

It's only in hindsight I can see that the process I took leading up to my wedding day is the reason why it was such a positive speaking experience. So in this episode, I'm breaking down that process. Now I know that different approaches work for different people, but my hope is that in sharing this with you, you can use it as a guide through your own big speaking moment.

When I got engaged and started planning my wedding, I knew that saying my vows might be a challenge for me, even in front of friends and family, my stutter could most likely get worse, and as for good reason. Just the thought of being on stage in the spotlight, being looked at by so many people, filled me with dread and anxiety, and I realized then that these feelings of stress and panic was exactly the opposite of what I wanted to expect.

Experience on my wedding day, I didn't wanna feel worried that I was going to stutter and get stuck on a word in front of everybody, but in order for this not to happen, I knew I needed to do things differently. So what did I want to experience? Of course, I wanted to feel happy on my wedding day. I didn't want to let stuttering to get in the way, and I certainly didn't want to obsess over it.

I knew I needed to plan and prepare in advance for the type of feelings I wanted to experience on my wedding day. So just like I was planning for. Everything else from designing the cake, ordering the flowers, and picking out a wedding dress, I needed to plan my wedding vows so that when the exact moment came, I was ready to shine under the spotlight.

In the past, the only thing my younger self wanted was fluency. Since then, I've learned that fluency on its own is actually not a good goal. It's just too broad and overwhelming. Now, I wanna be clear, there is nothing wrong with wanting fluency, but it's better to ask a question that gets to the why you want fluency.

Why is fluency important in this specific moment? Why we do something is what drives us to achieve our goals. And once that's established, then all of the other details fall into place. To achieve anything in life, it takes a focused goal, a plan to get there and the action to make it happen. One of the most important skills I've learned is this properly setting up a goal is what sets you up for success.

One of the most common frameworks of goal setting is what's called smart. Smart goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely. To understand the smart framework, let's go through each one. S is for specific. A goal needs to be specific. The secret to achieving goals is to focus on one thing at a time with all the details of planning a wedding.

There was a lot on my plate. In addition to wedding vows, there was also the bride and groom speech. But I knew trying to do it all would just overwhelm me and add extra stress. So knowing myself, I only had the capacity to focus on one big speaking moment, not two. So I made a choice to focus only on my wedding vows.

M is for measurable. A goal needs to be measurable. How will you know when you've been successful at doing it? My measurement of success was going to be the positive feelings I felt. As I was saying, my wedding vows success was going to be the lack of fear. Worry and struggle in saying my words. When I feel less tension and anxiety, then I find myself achieving a much higher level of fluency, allowing me to have the positive speaking experience I want.

A is for attainable. A goal needs to be doable. Like can you realistically do it? An attainable goal is one, that with the right effort, resources, and planning can be successfully accomplished. In my mind, I had an idea of what was realistic for me. In the past, I'd worry that I wouldn't be able to say what I wanted to say in front of an audience without stuttering, but this time.

Even though a bit of me still felt unsure, there was another part of me that somehow also knew I'd be able to achieve what I set out to do. I guess it all just comes down to having a bit of faith and believing in yourself.

R is for relevant. A goal needs to have meaning. Does the goal relate to something important in your life? When a goal is relevant, it's one that is appropriate and meaningful. At this time in my life, getting married and saying my vows was something really important to me. I wanted to be the confident and radiant bride.

I deserve to be on my wedding day. T is for timely. The goal needs to be timely. When do you want to achieve it? Setting a timeframe for goal makes it more tangible and actionable, Preventing it from becoming a vague, open-ended aspiration. I gave myself plenty of time to plan and prepare about one month in advance of the actual day.

Any earlier would've been too much time to prepare and anything less wouldn't have given me enough time I needed to prepare without pressure. Here are a few strategies that played a pivotal role in helping me to successfully speak in the spotlight. I hope they're a helpful guide for you as well. First paint the picture.

The first step I took was visualize. I asked myself what did I want to experience that day? I've been to enough big weddings to know that saying my wedding vows in front of 150 people was not exactly what I ever envisioned for myself. looking around at venues, the guest list kept getting shorter and shorter as a small and intimate gathering.

Felt more and more like the kind of wedding I wanted to have. Luckily, my husband felt the same way. In the end, we had a total of 20 people at our wedding, including us. Our intimate ceremony and dinner was held in the barrel room of an Italian winery. This might not be for everyone, but for us it was perfect.

The second step I took was preparing the words I wanted to say. So this isn't usual, but we had two wedding ceremonies. The first one was a quick civil wedding, the real ceremony in front of our immediate family. I asked the efficient for a copy of the script in advance. I read it over and identified any potential stumbling blocks or words I felt that would be tricky for me to say when I'm nervous, even when it's from good excitement.

She was very accommodating to the edits, and I'm so glad I asked for what I wanted without guilt or shame. Knowing exactly what I would be saying in advance, left nothing to chance or any big surprises, and that gave me great comfort. Our second fake and fancy wedding ceremony was a week later in front of an intimate gathering.

This was the beautiful version of our wedding in the barrel room at the winery. This allowed us to have our dear Family Friend act as our mc and officiant guiding us through our personally written vows, which were funny, short and sweet. I had nothing to be afraid of. just the gift of being fully present in the moment I.

Strategy number three is practice. Practice, and practice. I made sure I had plenty of time to practice saying my vows. This gave me the confidence that I needed, but at the same time. I didn't over practice and over prepare in the past. I would obsess and over prepare, and sometimes this would work against me.

This time I allowed myself to find the right balance between practicing without going overboard. And strategy number four is the physical space. When we finally picked our venue, I had a physical point of reference. This allowed me to close my eyes and imagine myself in the space of where I was going to be standing saying my vows.

Instead of letting my imagination dwell on potential mistakes. I close my eyes and envision myself confidently speaking in the space where our vows would take place. This allowed me to physically get a feel of the space. This practice allows the brain to recognize the environment and signals that there's nothing to fear, so when the moment came, it's like my brain and body recognizes it. Like, Hey, I've been here before. It's all good. Nothing to be scared of. If possible. This is one of the best strategies you can do. By taking these steps in advance, I set myself up for success, not only for the day of the event, but these other critical moments as well.

I. First, it's the time leading up to the event. Reflecting on past experiences, I would let my obsessive imagination run wild and play over and over in my head, stuttering on a certain word, afraid of a specific sound or sentence, and it was this chronic Anticipatory anxiety and stress.

That was the worst. I would count down how much time I had between now and then. First it'd be weeks, then days, then hours, so by the time I got to the actual day or moment, I was an absolute wreck. I didn't want the months and weeks leading up to my wedding day to be filled with fear, anxiety, and dread.

So by prepping and planning in advance, it helped me tame my fears and put me back in control of the outcome that I wanted to experience. The other critical time is the night before the event In the past, I would toss and turn all night before I had to give a speech or presentation. This only worked against myself because when the pivotal moment arrived the next day, I had no energy left.

I was so tired and drained from all the fear and worry, which only increased my odds of a poor performance and not doing very well. This was a vicious cycle, but by doing things differently this time, I remained grounded and calm the night before this was possible because I was prepared, which allowed me to be happy and excited, but not stressed for the next day.

It takes prepping, planning, and taking action to reap the benefits of a positive speaking situation. Of course, what worked for me might not work for you, but I hope these strategies can at least get you on your way, so tailor and make them yours, making choices along the way that work for you. We are almost to the end of the episode.

Remember, life is going to bring you pivotal moments when the spotlight is going to be shining on you. it's normal to feel nervous leading up to these special moments, but by being proactive before the big day and gaining the skills you need, your future self will be. Thankful that you prepped and prepared in advance.

Prepare now so that the past doesn't overshadow the future so that when the day comes, you'll be feeling confident and ready for your big moment. Speaking in the spotlight. Do you have a big speaking moment coming up when you want to feel relaxed and confident on the most important day of your life?

Get ready with my Speak in the Spotlight Coaching package. It's three sessions that will provide you with a focused and personalized support you need for inquiries. You can reach out to me here: paige@thehappystutterer.com.