From Comfort to Growth: Why Working on Fluency Feels Awkward

“Stepping out of your comfort zone is like a muscle, and it gets larger and stronger the more you expand it. Take small, doable steps toward your fluency goals, not giant leaps."

In this episode, Paige delves into the intricacies of behavior change, focusing on the journey from comfort to growth, specifically in the context of working on fluency. 

The discussion introduces the concept of four behavior zones: comfort zone, fear zone, growth zone, and panic zone. Drawing from personal experiences, Paige sheds light on the challenges faced during speech therapy and beyond, emphasizing the importance of understanding these zones to facilitate effective change.

Strategies such as establishing 'just enough' safety, finding the 'sweet spot' for growth, and adopting a slow and steady approach are highlighted for navigating these zones of behaviour successfully. The episode concludes with a reminder that behaviour change is not a linear process and offers support to those working towards their fluency goals.

Get support with a 1-hour Booster Shot coaching session for fast support — an immediate and laser-focused solution to help you feel better, by getting back to confidence in a speaking situation where fluency is most important to you. Book a FREE consultation call or learn more at www.thehappystutterer.com

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Transcript

 [00:00:00] I am sure you've heard of the expression, get out of your comfort zone. And yes, getting out of your comfort zone is what's needed when making any change in life, not just working on fluency, but did you know that there are also three other zones when making changes in your behavior? It's important to know what these zones are, and this is what this episode is going to cover because they help you [00:01:00] gain the awareness of what you are experiencing when you go through the process of change.

It is good to know how change works because it's so easy to get stuck thinking that you're doing something wrong. I know how much change can be scary, but it doesn't have to be. So today we're going to cover what each of these zones are, the ins and outs of what happens in these zones, and the three strategies you can use to get better results for a positive speaking experience.

But first, let's take a bit of a detour into the treatment of stuttering through speech therapy. It helps to put into context The zones of behavior you go through During treatment, one of the main exercises for implementing new behavior is doing what's called transfers. Do you remember [00:02:00] that?

Oh, so hard, right? The main purpose of doing these transfers was to practice using your fluency tools and techniques, but it also involves something else. It's called exposure therapy. Exposure therapy is what's commonly used to help people confront their fears and anxieties. And when people are fearful of something, it's normal that they tend to avoid the feared object activity or situation.

That's why we tend to avoid talking on the phone, asking a question or going to a party if we're not comfortable doing these things. When exposure therapy is successful, it breaks patterns of avoidance, weakens associations to specific situations, and builds confidence to meet challenges head on.

so the way how exposure therapy works is [00:03:00] by having you do the thing you don't want to do.

This usually involves some awkward speaking situations, like approaching total strangers on the street and asking them for directions or asking them for the time. Even calling up businesses on the phone and asking what time they open and close. Now, exposure therapy also engages what's called flooding.

Basically, the thinking is that when a person is completely exposed to the fearful object activity or situation enough times, they'll eventually be desensitized. The purpose of flooding Is to desensitize us in the speaking situations that we perceive as fearful so that these speaking situations will get easier the more we do them.

Thinking back to my experience of doing [00:04:00] transfers, I remember saying to myself. What do you mean? I have to go up to a total stranger on the street and ask them for directions? I mean, growing up I was constantly being told not to talk to strangers, and now I'm being asked to walk up to a stranger and talk to them like it's no big freaking deal.

Oh, and don't forget, at the same time, use your fluency shaping tools and techniques. Is it any surprise that it's a very common experience for individuals to feel like their body is hijacked, not being able to execute using their fluency techniques? I. I didn't know the term flooding back then when I went through speech therapy, but I do now.

And yes, that's exactly what I felt the first time I had to do a transfer. I felt flooded, drowning in fear. [00:05:00] I just wanted to get it over with as fast as possible. As we're going to learn very soon, stepping into the panic zone and emotional overwhelm is going too far. Unfortunately, flooding tends to have a sink or swim consequence for a lot of people.

Some make it through. Gaining new skills and confidence through this process, but for some, this exercise can be retraumatizing, especially those who are introverted and highly sensitive, like myself. Clearly during transfers, exposure therapy and flooding doesn't create the same experiences and results for everyone.

So why is that? Well, let's learn about the four behavior zones to find out first, there's the comfort zone. It feels good to stay in your comfort zone as it [00:06:00] provides a sense of safety and familiarity since staying in your comfort zone. Feels comfortable. It's difficult to leave because humans like to feel good.

A lot of the anxiety that comes from leaving your comfort zone Is due to uncomfortable feelings and lack of certainty, but the comfort zone works like this. Stepping out of your comfort zone is like a muscle, and it gets larger and stronger the more you expand it. But a word of caution here, this only works when you gently expand and expand yourself out of your comfort zone.

You need to take small and doable steps toward your fluency goals, not giant leaps. There's an old Chinese proverb that says it's better to make many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward [00:07:00] only to stumble backward. So working within your own limits with time, the edge of your comfort zone expands and creates a new zone of speaking comfort.

And each time you do this, your self-confidence increases. Now, as you may have. Already noticed, it's easy to get trapped in our comfort zone. The smaller our comfort zone becomes, the more difficult it is to break out of it due to the next zone. And that is the fear zone.

Stepping out of your comfort zone means doing things that don't feel comfortable doing. And for us, that can mean speaking up, asking a question, giving a presentation. so, when you don't feel comfortable, it's natural to feel fear. A lot of what we fear is learned through our experiences and can be constructed by the [00:08:00] thoughts we have in our minds.

A lot of this fear stems from our worry of other people's judgments and opinions. It's normal to feel afraid of making mistakes. Failure if doing so in the past has resulted in negative consequences. It makes sense that when feeling fear, you avoid, make excuses and procrastinate. It's understandable to believe fear is the enemy and the thing to be avoided at all costs.

But what would happen if you made friends with your fear? This means by understanding and getting comfortable with it in a healthy way. When you do this, then you can step into the growth zone. In the growth zone, it may not feel a hundred percent comfortable, but it's where growth happens. When you're in the growth zone, [00:09:00] it's where you try new things and learn and stretch your existing personal limits.

In order to learn and grow successfully, we must be challenged, but another word of caution. The balance needs to be just right. If we're not challenged enough. We're unlikely to move beyond our comfort zone, but pushed way too hard, and we may fall into the fear zone, which increases the risk of going too far into the panic zone.

The goal is to aim for the sweet spot. And what does this mean? This spot is about finding the right balance between feeling safe enough and gently growing through effort, but only you know what that sweet spot is for you. And it's up to you to enforce your boundaries with others no matter what they're asking you to do.

If [00:10:00] you push and force yourself beyond your sweet spot, then you end up in the panic zone. and as you may already know, it's not a fun place to be. The panic zone is where overwhelming fear and anxiety lives. You can enter the panic zone if you go too far beyond your current capabilities, whatever that means for you.

When you've crossed over into the panic zone, you are not able to learn and performance is negatively affected All of your energy then is now going towards controlling your fear and anxiety, leaving you with little or no energy left over for learning and growing.

It's no wonder that being in the panic zone is damaging and de-motivating, and in the long term exhausting. The most important thing you need to know is this. If [00:11:00] you're doing a transfer or in any kind of speaking situation, new behaviors can't be learned or effectively achieved within the panic zone.

By attempting to take action in the panic zone, you are just reinforcing the struggle and the fight, which is not going to allow for the new and beneficial behaviors to occur or create the right ingredients for a positive experience. Trying to force out the words, pushing yourself through what you're trying to say. You're only working against yourself, so if you ever find yourself in the panic zone, feeling frustrated and angry, feeling sweaty, anxious, and just overall struggling, just stop. I mean it.

Just stop. I know how difficult this can be because it feels like once the wheels are in [00:12:00] motion, it can seem impossible to stop, but that's exactly what you need to do.

If the clock is ticking and you feel the time pressure because someone is waiting for you while you're saying your words, give yourself permission to let them wait. With awareness and more practice, you can begin to put on the inner break to slow down. It's best to get back down to your neutral baseline as quickly as possible.

And the fastest and best way to do this is through taking deep measured breaths to tell your body that you are okay and safe to reduce the physiological symptoms you might be experiencing When striving for your goals, you need to stop, catch your breath, and rest before trying again. Okay, so here's a few strategies when going through the zones, [00:13:00] while changing behavior.

if I could have applied to the transfers, what I know now, this is what I would do for a better experience and positive outcome. You can try this for yourself first, establish just enough safety for effective treatment. A safe environment, to some degree, is needed for exposure to what's feared and avoided.

It's not so much about staying in the comfort zone, but about establishing a sense of safety as much as possible. Did it really need to be random strangers on the street? Like what if there were volunteers you met in advance who were willing to participate in this exercise? This in itself would've been enough of a challenge for most.

Second, find the sweet spot for effective growth to take place. It's important to find the sweet spot [00:14:00] while making the effort. It needs to be a good balance between feeling a bit challenged without going too far or getting overwhelmed in the panic zone, and the sweet spot is different for everyone. What is easy for one person might be hard for another, but in order to use the sweet spot effectively, you need to know yourself and your limits.

And third, go slow and steady for long-term change that sticks. Going slow and steady wins the race. Give yourself permission to set a pace that works for you and take as much time as needed. It is not all about pushing and forcing yourself through as quickly as possible.

In conclusion, changing behavior takes leaving your comfort zone, whether you're doing a transfer [00:15:00] or an unfamiliar speaking situation, and really any type of change you want to make in your life. I hope you can see how important it is to know how to navigate these zones so that you don't let the fear zone intimidate you from stepping outta your comfort zone or going too far beyond your capabilities in the growth zone.

Into the panic zone. The reality of getting where you are now to where you want to go is not a linear process and is important to know this in advance. Please understand when changing patterns of behavior, it's normal to go back and forth through these zones many times, and that's okay because it's just all part of the process.

If you are finding hard to make progress on your own, know that you don't have to do it alone. As a stuttering relapse recovery coach, I'm here to support [00:16:00] you on your journey by offering a one hour booster shock coaching session for fast support. It's an immediate and laser-focused solution to help you feel better by getting back to the confidence in a speaking situation where fluency is most important to you.

To learn more, you can find me@thehappystutter.com. [00:17:00]